Boris Yeltsin: Thank you! And haha, thank you! My commentary is probably what I'm most proud of. Just kidding! But also...
AshBenzoLove: Yes, Ashley will ALWAYS support Hanna (and Haleb) in the end! It just took her a little while to get there this time. And as you'll see in this chapter, Hanna is also struggling with how to approach Caleb and tell him everything, so it's taking her a while...
DuncneyLoveOfMyLife: Literally, me too! Jordan is THE WORST! So glad he's gone and I don't have to write him anymore. Haha, yeah, if Jordan wasn't such a dick, maybe Hanna wouldn't have cheated on him! Also, OMG, YES THEY DID! I was so excited to see it! Ashley deserves so much better than a cheater and an abuser. And HAHAHAHAHAHA, I was trying not to be too mean about it but that's exactly how I feel. I hate him. I literally had to unfollow Tyler on IG because I just dreaded seeing his updates/stories for fear of who would be in them. I also didn't want to say too much because I didn't want people to think my issue was with Tyler having a boyfriend. No, my issue is with him being with anyone who is not ASHLEY BENSON. His SOULMATE. I felt this exact same way with his various girlfriends over the years, too. TYLER BLACKBURN AND ASHLEY BENSON BELONG TOGETHER. THEY ARE SOULMATES. Now Ashley's single, we just need Tyler to be, too. And we also need the pandemic to end so they can travel and see each other!
Soooo, I know you guys are probably eager for Hanna go talk to Caleb and have them work things out, but I just felt like this chapter needed to happen. And I think this chapter does a good job of explaining/justifying why Hanna hasn't gone to see him yet.
Also, PSA: This story only has two chapters left after this one. I know. I'm sad, too. :( So the final chapter is an epilogue, and I'm doing my best to have it done by two weeks from now, but it might not happen. This was one of the chapters I decided to add on after I had already started posting, and I have a good bit written, but there is still a lot more I want to happen in it. Like I said, I'll try to have it done on time, but I would rather take extra time if necessary, and post something good for you guys, rather than rushing to come up with something. But this also means, since it's not finished, that if you have any ideas or anything you want to see in the epilogue, you can leave it in a review and I'll try to work it in!
Enjoy! Sorry for another chapter of no Caleb, but this chapter's important:
Hanna scanned The Brew and quickly spotted her best friends in a corner booth at the back of the restaurant. She was relieved to see them already tucked into a quiet corner, as she wanted privacy for the conversation she was about to have with them.
As she started to walk towards them, she noticed their heads close together, whispering conspiratorially. As soon as Aria looked up and spotted her, though, they all abruptly stopped and sat up straight, facing Hanna expectantly as she approached.
"Hey Hermit - I mean, Hanna," Emily joked as Hanna took the empty seat next to her. "Where the hell have you been? We haven't seen you in forever."
The other girls nodded in agreement, and Hanna knew it was true. She hadn't seen her friends since she had told Jordan she was leaving him. She had been staying with her parents, keeping her distance from everyone. She was trying to get everything figured out with the divorce proceedings before telling anyone else about it. And Jordan had agreed to keep it quiet, too, based on the advice from his own lawyer, so Rosewood's latest scandal hadn't gotten out to the small town yet.
But she was also nervous to tell her friends. She already knew how Spencer was going to react, but she wasn't sure how the rest of them would.
"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry," she apologized. "I've just been dealing with some family stuff," she added vaguely.
"Is that so?" Aria asked in a knowing tone. Did she know? Did Spencer tell them about Caleb, and had they figured it out based on that?
"Uh, yeah, there's...been a lot going on," Hanna said warily. "And I actually have something to tell you guys," she announced nervously. She wasn't sure she was actually ready to tell them, but she just wanted to get it over with already. It felt weird and wrong keeping such a major secret from her best friends.
"I call godmother!" Emily blurted out excitedly, clearly unable to contain herself any longer.
"What?" Hanna exclaimed, shocked. "You guys thought...?" she trailed off, looking at each face surrounding her. So, they hadn't figured it out after all.
"So you're not pregnant?" Aria asked, her disappointment evident.
"Definitely not pregnant," Hanna snorted.
"I told you guys!" Spencer added victoriously.
"So, then, what's the big news?" Samara asked, confused. They had all, with the exception of Spencer, assumed that that was the reason Hanna had been holed up alone for the last couple of months, and then when she announced that she had family-related news, that had just about confirmed it for them.
"Well," she began awkwardly. "Jordan and I...um...we're getting divorced, actually."
"Wait, what?" Emily cried incredulously.
Aria and Samara looked equally shocked, but Spencer didn't look the least bit surprised.
"Why?" Aria questioned disbelievingly. As far as she knew, Hanna and Jordan were the perfect couple, and everything was great between them. What had she missed?
"What happened?" Samara asked, more gently than the others.
"Whose decision was it?" asked Emily.
"How long have you guys been having problems?" Aria questioned.
"Alright, guys, slow down. One at a time," Hanna joked, attempting to lighten the mood.
"Why?" Emily asked simply, a concerned look on her face.
"Well," Hanna braced herself, taking in a deep breath as she prepared to say it out loud for the first time. "I...um...I had an affair," she said slowly.
"What?" Emily exclaimed again.
"Hanna!" Aria cried. "How could you do that?"
"Why would you do that?" Emily added.
"Well...Jordan was away all the time, and...I was lonely and...I guess it was just nice to have someone pay attention to me for once." Hanna knew it was about way more than just Caleb paying attention to her, but she had been pushing away her feelings for him for so long, that it still felt strange to talk about it, to voice just how much he means to her.
"So...Jordan found out?" Emily questioned hesitantly. "And asked for a divorce?"
"Not exactly," Hanna replied. "I told him I wanted a divorce, we fought, and then...he guessed. And I wasn't about to lie to him. Again."
"But why would you do that?" Emily cried, clearly not understanding. "If you wanted to be all moral and tell him the truth, then you should have led with, 'I'm so so so sorry,' not, 'I want a divorce.' What the hell were you thinking?"
"Yeah, Hanna, Jordan loves you so much," Samara added. "I'm sure you guys could have worked it out."
"Well...I didn't want to work it out," Hanna admitted. "I forced myself for so long to try to make it work with him. I pretended for so long that I was happy. But I wasn't. I haven't been happy with Jordan for a long time."
"What are you talking about?" Emily exclaimed. "And why doesn't she seem more surprised?" she asked accusingly, gesturing at Spencer, after finally realizing that, while the other three girls had been peppering Hanna with questions, Spencer hadn't reacted to the news at all. "Did she know?"
Hanna could tell how hurt Emily was by the realization that Spencer had known this secret, while she hadn't been in the loop. But Hanna didn't need another thing to feel guilty about.
"I didn't tell her," Hanna defended. "She figured it out."
"It wasn't that hard to figure out," Spencer muttered. "Not after the ridiculous eye sex I was forced to endure, at least." Spencer really didn't understand why Emily seemed so hurt, and possibly even jealous, that she hadn't been clued in. Spencer would have much preferred to stay out of it, instead of being forced to keep such a big secret.
"Wait, so, you know him?" Emily asked Spencer. "Do we? Who was it, Han?"
"It was...Caleb," she admitted hesitantly, waiting to see if any of them would recognize the name.
"Caleb, Caleb," Aria muttered, a confused look on her face as she tried to figure out how she knew that name, mirrored on both Emily and Samara's faces.
"Oh my god!" Aria finally exclaimed. "Caleb as in, Toby's friend, Caleb? Caleb from the campaign, Caleb?"
"That would be the one," Hanna confirmed wryly. "You don't need to look so disgusted, Em," she added, hurt as she saw the expression on Emily's face.
"No!" Emily cried. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean...I'm just surprised, is all. He doesn't really seem like your type."
"Honestly, I don't blame you," Aria interjected. "Who cares if he's not your type? That man is hot. I probably would have slept with him, too. I bet he knows what he's doing."
Hanna forced a smile, knowing Aria was just kidding. But she knew that if she wanted her friends to understand why she had made such a huge life-altering decision as leaving her husband, she had to make them understand what their relationship was really like, make them understand that it was more than just a result of Caleb being hot, more than just sex.
"Um, it wasn't really like that, Aria," Hanna objected. "It was...serious."
"Serious?" Emily echoed. "How can it be serious, Han? It was an affair."
"I love him," Hanna admitted quietly, after a pause. "I'm in love with him."
"Oh," Emily replied instinctively, as Aria whispered, "Wow."
"It's about time you admitted it," Spencer remarked, with a small smile that made Hanna think maybe she wasn't entirely unsupportive.
"So, um, how did it happen?" Emily asked awkwardly, not sure if it was appropriate to pry for details on your best friend's affair.
Hanna took in a deep breath as she prepared to tell the story the same way she had told her mother.
"Well, we were working together on the campaign, and spending a lot of time together. I didn't even like him in the beginning. He was rude and arrogant and cocky and annoying. But I could tell he was into me, too. He flirted with me on a very regular basis," she chuckled slightly. "And I guess it just felt good to feel like someone was interested in me again. Mine and Jordan's sex life wasn't exactly...active," she admitted, feeling herself blush. She looked down at the table, but could feel all of her friends' eyes on her as they listened intently.
"And the more time we spent together, the more I wanted him. I still didn't even like him at this point, but I just wanted him so badly. Like, I had never felt that way about anyone else before. I couldn't even explain what it was about him," she said, shaking her head. "I mean, he was attractive, yeah, but, it wasn't just that. He put up this tough front, but every once in a while it would slip, and I would catch a glimpse of what he was really like, and...he could actually be really sweet sometimes.
"So, one day, I basically cornered him, and pretty much begged him to have sex with me," she admitted shamefully.
"Oh, I'm sure he really hated that," Spencer said sarcastically, interrupting Hanna's story for the first time. She knew Caleb was a good guy, but she still blamed him, and hadn't quite forgiven him yet, for seducing her married best friend.
"He was actually really sweet about it," Hanna countered, looking up and meeting Spencer's eye. "He asked me if I was sure. He gave me the opportunity to back out. But I didn't want to." Hanna wanted to make it clear that, if anyone was to blame, it was her, not Caleb. The last thing she wanted was for Spencer to think that he had forced her, or pressured her, when, in reality, he had actually tried to turn her away several times.
Spencer made a face, but didn't say anything else.
"I guess I thought that I just needed to get it out of my system," Hanna continued. "That I could just sleep with him, and then I would stop...longing for him. But it just made me want him even more. So it happened again. And then again. And then we just fell into this pattern where, every time Jordan was gone, I would be at his house, like, every single night. It got to the point where I literally dreaded Jordan coming home, because I just wanted to be with Caleb all the time. But it was just sex, for a long time," she said honestly. She didn't know why, but for some reason, she felt like that made it better. She felt like her friends needed to know that she hadn't been intending to fall for someone else, felt like maybe they would judge her less if they knew it was just meant to be physical.
"It was just sex, but there were also little things that didn't even seem to matter, like watching TV, or him making me breakfast, or just joking around. But I guess, without me even realizing it, all the little moments added up, and then...I was falling for him for real. So we started hanging out more, like, actually hanging out, not just sleeping together. And...we started talking, about things that actually matter, and I just felt so...comfortable around him, like I could tell him anything, and I told him things I had never even imagined telling Jordan. And he opened up to me, too. And I realized he wasn't anything like who I thought he was at first. He was sensitive and deep and kind."
She looked around the table at all of her friends to see she still had their undivided attention.
"The more time I spent with him, the more I fell for him. And I knew he was falling in love with me, too. I shouldn't have let him, but I did." She could feel the guilt rising in her chest again as she thought about everything she had put Caleb through. "I think...I think I've known for a really long time now that I'm in love with him. But I just kept pushing it down. I didn't let myself admit it, because I knew it was wrong. I knew we couldn't be together for real, but I wasn't ready to let him go, either. So I just let things keep going on, and we both pretended that we weren't in love with each other, and we pretended that we were okay with just sneaking around.
"But then...he couldn't pretend anymore, I guess. He told me that he loved me, and...part of me was so happy to hear him say it, but the other part of me was scared. I wanted him to take it back so that things could go back to the way they were. But he couldn't. He told me I had to choose between him and Jordan. And I knew he was right. I knew it wasn't fair. I knew I couldn't have it both ways. And...I knew I loved him, too. But I was just so scared. I knew what Jordan and I had. I knew I was comfortable with it. I knew it was never going to be some epic love story, but I had already accepted that. So...I told him I couldn't leave Jordan."
Hanna stopped talking for a beat, but the girls knew there must be more to the story, something that made her change her mind.
"At the time, I really thought that was the right decision," she continued. "I thought I could be okay with it. And I tried. I really did. I tried to force myself to be happy with Jordan, but I just couldn't. Not after I knew what it was like...to be so completely and totally in love with someone. I missed him so much. And I resented Jordan. And I knew that wasn't fair to him, but I couldn't help it. I just missed Caleb so much, and I was so angry with Jordan because he was the reason we couldn't be together.
"And then, finally, with a little help from my mom, I realized how fucked up that was. I couldn't stay with Jordan if I was just going to be miserable for the rest of our lives. That wouldn't be fair to either of us. And I knew I would be. Because I just kept comparing him to Caleb. Comparing what we had to what Caleb and I had. But there was no comparison.
"I know Jordan's a good guy, but...I just felt like I always had to be so perfect for him. Like all he cared about was having the perfect wife to show off to everyone. And all we ever did was go to galas and luncheons and fundraisers. But Caleb couldn't care less about any of that. We could have the best time just staying in and watching TV and eating ice cream. He didn't care what I was wearing or what we were doing or where we were going or who he could network with. He just wanted to spend time with me. And I know that seems like such a simple thing, but...I never felt like that with Jordan," she admitted. "Like...he would love me and be there for me no matter what. But Caleb makes me feel like that. He makes me feel safe. And loved. But he also makes me feel...sexy and...desired.
"He is everything I never even knew I wanted, and more," Hanna said, allowing herself to smile for the first time since she had begun telling her story to her friends. "He's sweet, and gentle, and considerate, and smart - but not in that annoying, condescending way - and he's so good to me. He pays attention to the little things, and he genuinely cares about what I care about, and he listens to me and he supports me," she rambled, unable to stop herself from telling her friends how amazing Caleb was. "And, oh my gosh, he has this dog! Brody. He's a golden retriever and he's so cute, and Caleb loves him so much, and he's so sweet with him. Seriously, I'm pretty sure it would be impossible to see him with his dog and not fall in love with him!"
Hanna stopped talking abruptly, knowing she could go on all day about how incredible Caleb was, but also knowing that really wasn't necessary right now. She thought her friends had a pretty good idea of how she was feeling now.
She swallowed nervously as she waited for their reactions. She could see them all exchanging looks, but she couldn't tell what they were thinking.
"So, are you two, like, together now?" Emily asked, finally breaking the silence.
"Uh...no," Hanna replied. "I haven't seen him since the night of the election. We spent the night together, and then when I woke up, he was gone."
"So, you left Jordan for him, but you haven't talked to him since you left Jordan?" Samara asked slowly, hoping it would help Hanna understand what was wrong with this scenario.
"Nope," Hanna admitted. "He doesn't even know."
"Um, why not?" Aria questioned. "If you want to be with him, then what are you waiting for?"
"I guess I'm just...scared," Hanna said quietly. "For so long, I told myself that this could never happen. So I didn't even let myself imagine it. But then I finally realized that it could happen. That I could have everything I've ever wanted. But now I'm just worried...what if it's too late? What if that's not what he wants anymore? What if he can't forgive me? I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes up, but...they're up. And right now, I can still dream of this perfect life with him, but then, if I go to him, and he turns me down, then...I don't know what I'll do," she admitted, tears filling her eyes at the possibility that she and Caleb still might not get their happy ending, despite everything they had gone through already.
"Come on, Han," Aria said gently. "I'm sure that's not gonna happen. Tell him what you just told us - that you were scared. But you realized your mistake and you know you can't live without him. He'll understand."
"I wanna believe that, but..." Hanna trailed off. "But I'm not even sure he should forgive me. I was so selfish. I wasn't fair to him. He said something, the night of the election. Something about how this was all on my terms, and he never even had a say, and he just had to go along with it. And...he was right.
"So I think, the other reason I haven't gone to see him yet is because...I feel guilty," she continued. "I hurt him. And Jordan. Maybe I don't even deserve him. Maybe I don't deserve to be that happy at all."
"Don't say that," Aria chastised. "Of course you do. Jordan wasn't right for you. And you made some mistakes. But you can't punish yourself for the rest of your life. You love Caleb. And it sounds like he really loves you, too. You guys should be together. You deserve to be happy, Han. You both do."
"She's right, Hanna," Samara agreed. "If you love him and he loves you, then...it's simple, really. You can't let the past ruin your future together. If Emily and I couldn't be together any time one of us screwed up, then there is no way we'd be here right now."
Hanna allowed herself a small smile as she realized she had the support of half of her friends. Just two more to go.
But she already knew that she wasn't going to get the support of at least one of them, so as soon as Spencer opened her mouth to speak, Hanna cut her off.
"Look, Spencer, I already know how you feel. You don't need to lecture me - " Hanna began defensively.
"I'm happy for you," Spencer interrupted, surprising her. "If this is what you really want, then this is what I want for you."
"But - " Hanna began, confused. "After everything you said about..." she trailed off. Everything she had said about how much of a mistake she was making, how stupid she was to jeopardize things with Jordan, how reckless and irresponsible she was for being with Caleb.
"That was when you were married," Spencer explained. "I wasn't okay with you cheating on your husband. That wasn't fair to Jordan or to Caleb. But now that you're getting divorced...I support you. Now that I know you're serious about making it work with Caleb, I think you should go for it. He really loves you, Han. And I can tell you love him, too."
"Thanks, Spence," Hanna said genuinely, equally surprised and grateful for the brunette's acceptance of the situation.
"What's with that face, Em?" she asked, noticing the strained look on Emily's face, the only one who hadn't given her opinion yet.
"I'm just...having a hard time wrapping my head around all this, I guess," Emily replied. "First you drop the bomb on us that you're getting divorced, and then you tell us you're in love with someone else, and the things you're saying about Caleb just...don't add up with the guy I met," she admitted. It's not that she wasn't happy for her best friend; of course she was. She just had some shock and confusion she needed to get over first.
"Trust me, no one is more surprised about Caleb than I was," Hanna said wryly. "But...he's seriously so amazing." She couldn't help the wide grin that spread across her face as she thought about Caleb. "He has a really hard time letting people in, and I think that's why he pushes people away and acts the way he does. But once you get close to him...he's totally different. He has such a big heart. Like, he volunteers at a center for foster kids!" she informed them. She didn't need to tell her friends why he did - it wasn't her place to tell them about his past - but it still supported her point on what a great guy he is.
"I went with him one time," she continued. "And he was so good with those kids. You could tell that he actually wanted to be there with them, and that he enjoyed hanging out with them just as much as they did with him. I bet he would be the best dad," she concluded, without even thinking about it, a small smile on her face as she imagined it.
"Wow," Aria said, exchanging looks with the other girls. "You must really love him."
"I do," Hanna confirmed, but confused where that came from. "But what makes you say that?"
"Well, any time we would ask you when you and Jordan were planning to have kids, you would freak out and shut us down immediately," Emily informed her. "You're not even actually with Caleb, and yet you're already planning a family with him."
"I did not!" Hanna argued indignantly. Not that she should have been surprised if she had, seeing as she and Jordan really hadn't made any progress at all in the "family" discussion throughout their two-plus years of marriage.
"You totally did," Spencer retorted. They had all eventually learned not to bring it up, as Hanna had shut down one too many times.
"And I am not 'planning a family' with Caleb!" she argued again. "All I said is he would be a good dad. And he would! But I don't even know if he wants kids," she realized suddenly, immediately getting quieter. "It's not like we ever...talked about that." For obvious reasons.
"Hanna," Spencer began simply. "Trust me. Caleb loves you so much. He wants whatever you want. He will be happy with whatever makes you happy. If you want kids, he wants kids. If you want to go join a traveling circus, then he wants to join that traveling circus with you."
"I do not want to join a circus," Hanna said pointedly, making Spencer roll her eyes. She fully believed the things she was saying to Hanna, though. Although she and Caleb had never explicitly talked about his feelings for Hanna, she could tell how strong they were. From the way he looked at her, the way he talked about her, the way he treated her, the things he had told Toby about their relationship, she knew he was insanely in love with her.
"Is it still Q&A time?" Aria asked suddenly.
Hanna snorted. "Sure. What's your question?"
"I'm just curious: you seemed so happy with Jordan; was it all a lie? Are we terrible friends for not noticing how miserable you were? Like, did you already know you didn't want to be with him when you met Caleb? Or is Caleb the reason why?"
"I think that's about twelve questions, Aria," Hanna teased.
"Sorry," Aria laughed sheepishly.
Hanna paused as she thought about how to tackle the questions.
"I guess...I think I've always known that I wasn't in love with Jordan," Hanna began. "Don't get me wrong, I knew he was a great guy, and would be a good husband, but...I mean, my wedding day should have been the best day of my life! But all I could think about was whether I was making the biggest mistake of my life."
"We all get cold feet, Han. Remember my wedding day?" Spencer pointed out. "That doesn't mean you knew it wasn't right, though," she said sympathetically.
Hanna knew Spencer was just trying to be supportive, trying to make her feel like she hadn't knowingly entered into an unhappy marriage. But Hanna knew how she had felt that day.
"But it was more than just cold feet, though," Hanna argued. "There's something you guys don't know, actually," she started nervously.
She could see her friends' faces pique with interest again.
"The morning of my wedding...I almost ran," she admitted. "I wrote Jordan a note and everything. Saying that I was sorry, but that I just knew it could never work. That I wasn't willing to settle, that we both deserved more than that."
Hanna's eyes filled with tears again as she recalled just how close she had come to making a drastically different decision that day.
"But then...my parents came in," she continued. "And they were so excited. I think that was the first time my dad had ever been proud of me." She shook her head, knowing now that that said a lot more about her father than it did her. "They were so excited for me to marry Jordan. I couldn't let them down." She knew how crazy that sounded now, but, at the time, it had made sense to her. "And I knew that they didn't have some epic love story, either, but they seemed happy enough. I knew that that was exactly what they always wanted for me - someone to take care of me while I just hosted parties and sat on the boards of foundations.
"I guess I just thought that that would be enough. It's what I was raised to do. It's not like anyone actually expected me to marry for love. So I guess I kind of gave up on falling in love. And then I met Caleb, and...he changed everything. I seriously didn't even know it was possible to love another person as much as I love him. He turned my life completely upside down, but...in the best way possible. He made me see things differently, he made life exciting, he gave me the kind of love I always wanted, but didn't think even existed. And I don't regret any of it. Even if..." she paused, a lump in her throat at the possibility. "Even if we don't end up together, I'll never regret any of it.
"So, to answer your questions, Aria...Caleb isn't necessarily the reason I left Jordan - I think I would've had to stop pretending eventually, anyway - but he did make me realize that that wasn't what I wanted. And he made me realize that I could have exactly what I do want. I'm just worried that it's too late now," she concluded, wiping at a stray tear.
"It is not too late!" Aria countered immediately. "But if you keep waiting, it might end up being too late. You have to go to talk to him, Han."
"I know," Hanna replied, nodding. "I don't even know where he is, though. And I'm pretty sure that was intentional," she added sadly, knowing Caleb had asked her to stay away. But hopefully that would change when he realized they could finally be together.
"Chicago," Spencer said simply. "He's in Chicago." Toby had kept in touch with Caleb, so she knew a little bit about what he was currently up to.
"Chicago?" Hanna questioned. "What's he doing in Chicago?" She tried to recall if he had ever mentioned there being anything in Chicago for him, but it didn't seem familiar.
"I think he's working on developing an app or something," Spencer informed her, not really knowing any of the details. "But that's not really the point right now. He can tell you all about what he's doing when you see him. It's time, Han."
Hanna knew she was right. But the fact that there was a very real possibility that, after everything she had put him through, Caleb might slam the door in her face and never want to see her again made her incredibly reluctant to commit to a visit.
She could see Spencer tapping away quickly on her iPhone.
"What are you doing?" she asked her suspiciously.
Spencer locked her phone and set it on the table before looking up at Hanna and the other girls.
"I just booked you a plane ticket to Chicago," Spencer informed her.
"What?" Hanna asked, panicked. "For when?" She really didn't think she was ready to see Caleb yet, didn't even know how she was going to explain everything to him. And what if he turned her down? She seriously didn't think she could handle that.
"Tomorrow."
"Spencer, no!" Hanna argued. "I'm not ready. I haven't even figured out what to say to him yet!"
"Well, you can figure it out on the plane," Spencer replied.
"I'm not ready," Hanna repeated quietly. "And Chicago's a big city, and I don't even know where in Chicago he lives, and I don't have a hotel room - " she rambled.
"Between Toby and my mom, I can find out where he lives," Spencer informed her, not accepting any of Hanna's excuses. "And you're not gonna need a hotel room, Han," she rolled her eyes.
"Spencer's right," Aria interjected. "You'll go to his place, you'll talk it out, you'll get back together, and then you'll spend all night making up..." Aria trailed off suggestively.
"What are you waiting for, Han?" Spencer asked gently. It seemed like all Hanna wanted, more than anything, was to be with Caleb. So why was she wasting time?
"I don't know what I'm gonna do if he doesn't want to get back together," she admitted. "I guess I'm putting it off because...I don't want to face the fact that he might not want me anymore."
"Hanna, that's ridiculous," Spencer argued immediately. "That is worst case scenario right there. But the best case scenario is..." she paused thoughtfully. "Best case scenario is you guys talk it all out, he forgives you, you get back together, and you guys spend the rest of your lives together. But the longer you put it off, the less time you get to spend with him."
"But what if it's not best case scenario?" Hanna asked, tears filling her eyes again. "What if it is worst case scenario? What if he's moved on already and wants nothing to do with me?"
"Trust me, Han, he has not moved on. He wants you. He loves you," Spencer said reassuringly.
"Have you talked to him?" Hanna asked eagerly, and Spencer could tell that she had mistakenly gotten Hanna's hopes up.
"No. I haven't," she admitted gently. "But I don't need to talk to him to know. Between the way he looked at you, and the way he reacted when you were in the hospital, and the fact that he has never been serious about a girl in the entire time Toby's known him - but was willing to get serious with you even though you were married - I know how much he loves you, Hanna. There's no way he's moved on already. I'm pretty sure he'll be desperate to get you back."
"Yeah, Han, if what you guys had is as special as you make it sound, then there's no way he turns you down," Aria added encouragingly.
"It was," Hanna confirmed. "It is. But you guys don't understand. I really hurt him," she whispered guiltily. "He was so sweet and honest and vulnerable. He poured his heart out to me, and he asked me to choose him, and...I didn't. I wouldn't blame him if he can't forgive me."
"He'll forgive you," Emily assured her, squeezing her hand supportively, the other girls echoing her.
"Yeah, and if he doesn't, I'll send Toby to talk some sense into him." Spencer knew that wouldn't be necessary. She could tell how much Caleb loved her best friend, and she was confident he wanted to be with Hanna just as much as she wanted to be with him.
"I'll send Jason, too!" Aria added eagerly, using one fist to punch the other palm, signaling a fight.
"That's really not what I meant," Spencer laughed warily. "I meant he could actually talk to him. But hey, whatever it takes," she added, shrugging.
Hanna laughed slightly as she wiped away the remaining tears on her cheek. Her friends always knew how to cheer her up.
"Of course, that won't even be necessary!" Spencer amended. "The only person who needs to talk to Caleb is you. And when you do, he'll forgive you, and he'll take you back."
Hanna knew Spencer was right; putting it off wouldn't make it hurt any less if he rejected her, and, if all the stars aligned and he was willing to give her another chance, she was just wasting time.
She didn't know what she would do if Caleb wouldn't take her back, how she would ever get over it or move on. But she did know that she was lucky to have incredible, supportive friends who would be there for her to lean on if she needed it, or who would be there to cheer her on if she got her happy ending.