There's This Ominous Silence Just Waiting To Be Broken

Dean dressed and zipped up his bag quickly. After throwing the duffel in the trunk, he slid in behind the wheel on the Impala, ready to take on the whole damn world.

The drive out to the wooden bridge was easier the second time. He turned off his lights about half a mile from where they were set to meet but kept the car running. He had a full tank of gas, blankets, food, and a give 'em hell attitude. All he needed now were the two people he waited for.

He was there and ready at 2AM as they agreed.

At 2:30 AM he turned off the engine, not wanting to waste gas.

At 3 AM he got out of the car and looked into the distance. Would Cas be coming along the road or would he be in the woods?

At 4 AM he was starting to consider walking up to the house from here and dragging them out by hand.

At 4:30 AM he heard a rustle in the bushes.

He turned just in time to see Cas's eyes wide, his chest heaving with his breath, and the child clinging to his neck. He ran over and grabbed Jack, pulling him off Cas despite the surprising strength of the almost 4-year-old clinging to his father.

"It's okay buddy, I'm gonna help you and your Dad. It's me, Dean, remember?"

Jack stared at him in the moonlight, unsure as Dean carried him quickly to the car, leaving Cas to follow behind. When he opened the back door, he dropped Jack on the seat. "Grab a blanket and cover-up. You can go back to sleep."

"Daddy?" The boy whispered, fear tinging his words.

"I'll get him, you stay here."

Dean turned back and saw Cas limping, barely out of the treeline, blood running down one of his legs. All he had with him was his computer bag strapped across his chest.

"What the fuck?" he whisper/yelled rushing back to wrap an arm around Cas's waist and help him stumble to the car. His heart pounded in his chest, the sound of his worry screaming in his ears. How hurt was he? What did they do to him? What would they do if they were caught? Images of Cas beaten and on fire flashed in his mind and he squeezed the man closer, practically trying to carry him to the car.

"We got stuck, the guards were out patrolling on high alert. Ishim probably expected this. We had to climb out of the shed through the window to get over the fence. I was injured from the glass…" Cas winced.

"Are you okay, should we go to a hospital?"

"No, I'm fine. It's not deep. I can clean it when we stop. We need to get as far away from here as fast as we can. They'll be awake in an hour and both of us missing will be noticed quickly."

"Okay," Dean started to pull the passenger door open but Cas stepped back and climbed into the back seat with Jack.

"We'll sit back here, it'll make you less suspicious if someone sees your car. No passengers." Cas pulled the door shut before Dean could say anything.

By the time Dean was back in the driver's seat and the car on the road, Cas had settled into the back, a little boy lying on his chest almost back to sleep with his thumb in his mouth, one blanket propping up Cas's head and the other covering them both.

"You aren't gonna bleed out or something if you fall asleep, are you?" Dean asked only kind of kidding.

"No, it's really not that bad." Cas yawned and rubbed Jack's back through the blanket. "Dean, thank you. I know I owe you a lot of explanations. I understand that this changes things, but thank you. You saved our lives."

Dean nodded, looking at Cas in the rearview mirror. Knowing about Jack did change some things, yeah, but in a lot more ways it changed nothing at all. He kept his eyes on the road so he could leave the headlights off for as long as possible and when he felt it was safe, he looked back.

Cas had drifted to sleep, arms protective around his son.

Dean grabbed his phone and took an out of focus, too dark picture of them and texted it to Sam. Got 'em was all it said.

Dean drove as the sun came up. He drove as the backroads wound back to each other and over-familiar scenery. He got them lost in the landscape of New England, away from the highways and any searching eyes. He found it hard to believe Cas's people would come this far looking for him, but he honestly had no idea what lengths they may go to. And if they reported the boy kidnapped there could be police after them.

So he kept driving. He didn't dare turn on the music. The longer they slept, the faster he could get them woven into the backstreets of Americana. It was late morning when he heard mumbling and a little voice murmuring a complaint. Dean stretched his ears to hear as Cas and Jack whispered together.

Dean couldn't help but wonder how long it had been just them. Cas said he had an obligation. He'd never imagined it was an entire fucking person and now that he knew, Dean couldn't figure out how he felt. Where was Jack's mother? Had Cas loved her?

A surge of unreasonable jealousy rose in his chest. It wasn't fair of him to be upset at the idea of Cas being with someone else. He had been married. He even showed Cas pictures of him and Lisa. Didn't Cas have the right to a past? But it still made his heart clench and his insides twist. Because it all felt so very wrong.

"Dean," Cas said softly from the backseat.

Dean looked at him in the rearview mirror, taking in the deep hollows under his eyes and the fading bruise, but seeing right behind those things, barely hidden, the beautiful man he cared about. "What's up, Cas?"

"Jack needs to use the restroom. Can you pull over?"

"Oh, ah I think we're about 25 minutes from a town. We can find someplace there." Dean replied, barely able to look away from Cas's blue eyes.

Castiel chuckled, the first light sound he'd heard come from the man since he arrived and Dean felt something desperate, something like hope, flair in his chest. "No Dean, just pull over, he won't last 25 minutes."

"Oh, okay."

"Unless you want urine on your leather seats."

"Got the picture, Cas, you can stop talking now," Dean laughed and glanced back just in time to see the flutter of a smile in return.

After Jack peed against a tree by the side of the road, Cas settled them into the front seat. The impala didn't have a seatbelt in the middle but he didn't have a carseat in the back either. Cas strapped them into the passenger seat together, pulling Jack onto his lap.

They drove for another hour or so mostly in silence. Jack dozed against Cas's chest and Dean's insides went all gooey every time he glanced over at them. Not that anyone needed to know that. Not that he'd admit it. Unless you asked because there's no way he'd be able to keep from telling you about how freaking adorable they were.

In a small town somewhere in the general direction of home, Dean pulled into a parking lot for lunch.

"Shouldn't we do drive-thru or something?" Cas asked, eyes darting around looking for anyone familiar.

"I can't Cas. I drove straight to you, barely stopping to sleep. I gotta stretch my legs some and sit somewhere that isn't imprinted with my ass, and caffeinate. Cas, I need caffeine. Like, injectable, liquid, dark caffeine." He turned and looked right at Cas, catching his eyes and holding them for the first time. He reached out and took his hand gently. "It's really good to see you, man."

Cas blushed, the pink of his cheeks rising up from behind the beard. "Yeah," he said before squeezing his fingers and letting go.

It wasn't much, but Dean would take it. Cas had seemed half dead back at the compound, that monotone voice and dull eyes had killed Dean. And now the car ride had been so quiet, they'd never had that kind of silence between them and Dean couldn't stop his mind from spinning with worry. He'd thought he'd seen Cas at his worst with the sheet tents and the freakouts, but he'd trade this deafening silence for that in a second.

Cas woke Jack up gently and opened the car door.

"Daddy, carry me," Jack whined earning himself a glare from Cas that made Dean want to apologize.

"You're too old to whine like that, you know it doesn't work on me."

"Mister Dean?" Jack asked, with the head tilt and big blue eyes and Dean predictably buckled like a belt. He walked over and scooped the little guy up.

"Dean, you aren't helping."

"Jack and I disagree," he said happily and carried the boy into the diner.

When the waitress sat them down and gave Jack a kids menu with crayons. Dean stole the blue one and drew his world famous dinosaur for him. "Wow, it looks just like my books, Mr. Dean."

Dean frowned at hearing that again. "I don't think I like 'Mr. Dean'."

Cas looked at him with raised eyebrows. "It's polite."

"Yeah, but it's too formal. Jack, yesterday you just called me 'Dean', can we go back to that?"

Jack looked up at Cas, waiting for his father's proclamation.

"Fine," Cas said with a shake of his head. "It's not like I can stop you anyway."

Dean reached out and Jack had to lean forward and almost stand on his seat to give him a high-five.

"So Jack, do you go to school yet?" Dean asked as they waited for the waitress to come, unable to stand the silence and knowing there was probably nothing he could even begin to discuss with Cas in front of the boy.

"Not yet, but I goes to Sunday School, and Aunt Hanna teaches me from her books and Daddy reads to me at night."

"Yeah? That sounds awesome."

"Yeah, when Daddy's at his school I only get bible stories, but Daddy brings home books about animals and monsters and," Jack leans forward to whisper, "dinosaurs. But we can't tell Papa Ishim."

Cas ruffles the boy's hair with a fond grin, it's the first thing he's really done since they sat down, up until then he'd mostly been looking out the window with a furrowed brow.

Dean smiled and held out his pinkie, "Pinkie promise, I won't tell."

Jack and Cas both tilted their heads at him at the exact same time with matching looks of confusion and it was all Dean could do not to laugh at them. Man, even if Cas hadn't told him, he'd know this was his kid immediately. They even looked a little annoyed with him the same way with that crease in between their eyebrows.

"A pinkie promise is a promise you absolutely can't break. So when I hold out my pinkie like this, you hold out yours and we kind of wrap them around each other. Once you've done that, you have a sacred duty to uphold your pinkie promise."

Dean held out his pinkie and Jack studied him for a minute, eyes narrowing as if he were trying to use x-ray vision on his fingers. Then Jack exhaled and nodded as if he'd made a life-altering decision and reached out his pinkie, wrapping it around Deans.

When the waitress came, Dean and Cas both ordered burgers and Jack got a hotdog with fruit pieces and a glass of milk. If Dean wasn't already enamored with the kid, his heart expands to take over the space in his chest he'd previously used for breathing when their food came and Jack asked Dean to cut his hotdog up for him.

"Sure, Buddy, no problem. You know, I used to do this for my little brother all the time. He wasn't as cute as you though, just don't tell him that." He winked and sliced the hotdogs down the middle and then into pieces.

"Thank you, Dean." Jack's smile beamed at him as Cas squirted ketchup on his plate in a smiley face.

They dug into their food, eating silently. Dean glanced at Cas, hoping to catch a smile or exchange one of those meaningful looks Cas was so good at, but his attention was either on his food, his son, or the window. It's like Dean wasn't even there.

It was eating him up and he was trying really hard not to make this about him or play the martyr but he drove all the fuck out there, walked into a cult, found out his boyfriend has a fucking kid, and now he's the one being ignored. He'd spent months trying to understand what happened, why Cas would take off like that after a newspaper article his family probably didn't even see. What in the fucking world could be so important.

Now he gets it. The ketchup smeared face sitting right in front of him explained everything and even though he's still hurt Cas didn't tell him and he's got a fuck ton of questions, he gets it. So why was he the one who felt like he did something wrong? As his mind spiraled out of control, he could feel his face morph into a snear and even though he tried to school it, to hold it back, it got away from him. He ate his burger quickly, wanting to get back on the road, wanting to do something.

He was about to excuse himself to use the bathroom when he felt a tap on his foot.

His eyes darted directly to Cas, who looked tired and worn, but he met Dean's gaze and held it steady. Eventually, he even managed a little smile. When he taped on his foot again and mouthed Thank you, all of Dean's anger slipped away. Because in the end, he'd do anything Cas needed, no matter what the cost.

They drove for a few more hours, snacking on what Dean had packed, and sung hymns that Dean was surprised to find he knew most of the words to. Eventually, Jack leaned against Cas to whisper, but he was still really loud, and asked, "Can we sing our secret song? Is it okay with Dean here?"

Cas chuckled and squeezed the boy before smiling softly. "It's okay, Dean is a safe person."

Dean's chest might have puffed up a little at that.

"Like Aunt Hannah."

"Yes. Now, do you remember the start?"

Jack started humming something that tickled the back of Dean's mind, but when Cas started singing, lower than his voice wanted to go, but so sweetly, he had to bite his cheek to keep from bursting out into laughter.

"Look at what's happened to me
I can't believe it myself"

Jack joined in and they sang louder.

"Suddenly I'm up on top of the world
It should have been somebody else"

At the chorus, Dean couldn't help joining in. His voice loud and sure. He even managed to break into harmony at one point.

"Believe it or not, I'm walkin' on air
I never thought I could feel so free
Flyin' away on a wing and a prayer
Who could it be?
Believe it or not, it's just me"

"You know it?" Jack gave Dean the biggest happiest smile he thought he'd seen in his entire life.

"Yeah, it's a classic."

They sang the rest of the song, and some folk songs that Dean kind of knew. When they got bored, he slipped in a Kansas tape, figuring it was something the kid might like.

When Jack just couldn't take sitting still anymore and he needed to wiggle around, be a kid, watch some damn cartoons; Dean pulled into a no-name motel on a no-name street in a no-name town and got them a room. Jack ran around them in circles as they unpacked the car with what they needed for a night, spinning until he's dizzy and singing gibberish songs.

The room was ugly and old, but cleaner than Dean had expected. There's a mini-fridge with a freezer he put their food and ice packs in and a nice big bathroom. Two Queen Beds lined one wall while a small table with two chairs sat against the window.

The first thing Cas did when they were done unpacking was close the curtains.

"Cas, we gotta clean that leg, man." Dean pulled the first aid kit he kept in the car out of his bag and grabbed a towel from the bathroom.

"I can handle it, Dean." Cas said, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room while Jack riffled through the old fashioined phone book that was in one of the bedside tables.

"Dude, take off your pants." Dean rolled his eyes before wetting a washcloth with warm water.

When he came back, Cas sat on the end of the bed in his dirty shirt and a pair of ill-fitting boxers. It took everything Dean had not to drink in the sight of Cas's skin so he focused on the bloody thigh. He knelt down in front of Cas and ran the warm washcloth over his thigh, carefully and slowly removing the dried blood and cleaning the wound.

"I don't see any glass in there and it doesn't look that deep."

"Like I told you, it's not that bad." Cas grumbled.

"Yeah yeah, you're a real tough guy. Let me just put some antibiotic ointment on it and a bandage."

"I'd like to shower."

"I'll use a waterproof one."

Cas signed and the tension in his body dissipated into the ether. "Thank you, Dean."

"Anytime, buddy. I just wish you wouldn't fight me every step of the way." Dean spread the ointment evenly over the wound.

"I'm unaccustomed to such kindnesses. I forget what it's like."

Dean's heart broke a little, the flutter of a bird with a broken wing struggled in his chest and he didn't know what to do or say to make any of this better.

"Why don't you guys get cleaned up and I'll order us pizza for dinner," Dean offered, resting a hand on Cas's shoulder tentatively. They've barely spoken and he didn't know what was going on in the other man's head but he ached to offer some kind of comfort.

Cas's body slumped and he tilted his head, leaning his cheek against the back of Dean's hand. He sniffed and looked up at Dean with glassy eyes and just mouthed another silent Thank You.

Dean didn't know how to react so he just nodded and left his hand on Cas's shoulder until he stood up. What was he supposed to do? He didn't feel like he could say anything in front of Jack without knowing what Cas wanted the boy to hear and he couldn't touch him like he wanted to. So he just waited. Offering what he could. Trying to ignore the thrum in his chest from the feeling of Cas's beard against his skin or the look of his lips when he whispered to him.

"I um, I brought some of your clothes, if you want to change." Dean ran a hand to the back of his neck at the wide-eyed surprised look Cas gave him "You didn't take any of your stuff when you left so I figured you'd want like your yoga pants at least. I don't have anything for Jack, but he can sleep in one of my shirts tonight and we can pick up clothes somewhere tomorrow. There's got to be a little thrift store or something we can hit."

"That was very thoughtful of you, Dean. I'll give Jack a bath while we wait for the pizza."

The two Novak boys shuffled into the bathroom and Dean sat on the end of one of the beds. He listed to the sound of running water, of little kid giggles, of Cas's low voice speaking calmly and soothingly. He couldn't make out what they were saying, but the ringing of Cas's laugh filled the hotel room and cracked Dean's serenity.

He dropped his head into his hands and scrubbed at his face. He was so in over his head. He'd just absconded with his boyfriend and kidnapped his kid, and his biggest worry was whether or not Cas still liked him. What the fuck was wrong with him. Priority wise, he was making some kick-ass decisions. While they were distracted, he took the time to check his phone and call Sam.

"Hey, Dean! I've been waiting for you to call. Are you alright?"

"Didn't you get my text?" Dean asked, dropping back to lay on the bed.

"Yeah, yeah, I just didn't know if you'd have trouble, or if anyone would be on your tail."

"I've been sticking to back roads, staying off the highways, and taking some not so direct routes."

"Good, that's smart." Sam sighed.

"You think they'd come after us?"

"I don't know man, there's some fucked up shit going on there and the more I find out about it the happier I am we got Cas out. How is he?"

"He's… I don't know. He doesn't talk much and I don't know if that's him or if it's 'cause Jack's listening to everything we say."

"Yeah, listen, about Jack."

"No, I get it, you couldn't tell me. I'm sorry if I was a dick the last few months. I hadn't even imagined that something like this was at stake. I was all worried Cas' family was like cooking meth or something."

"If only," Sam chuckled. "We could get him out of that easy." There was a pause, and Dean knew Sam wanted to say something else, but he just waited, letting the easy silence of really knowing another person fan between them. "So what's Jack like?"

"You won't believe it when you meet him," Dean smiled and realized he really liked the kid. "He looks exactly like Cas, I mean like clone-level exactly. His hair is blonde but that's the only difference. He even does Cas's head tilt thing and scrunches his nose up when he's confused about something. It's freaking adorable. And he's funny. He's a good kid."

"I'm not surprised. Cas is a good man," Sam says.

"Yeah."

"So, keep me updated. Our court date isn't until next week so take your time if you need to. It's a long drive."

"Hey, Sammy?"

"Yeah, Dean."

"Thank you, for helping them. I know I didn't make it easy, but fuck, knowing you've been in their corner this whole time, I just… Thank you."

"Yeah, no problem, Dean, I mean that. Cas is family. Text or call me a lot so I don't worry too much, okay?"

"Yes, Nana Singer."

"Shut up."

"Night Sammy," Dean hung up the phone just as Cas opened the door to the rest of the room and called out for Dean to throw him something for Jack to wear.

When they came out, Jack is squeaky clean and wearing Dean's Led Zeppelin shirt, but Cas is now soaking wet. Apparently, bath time is an immersive experience.

"I'm sorry, Dean. Can you and Jack hang out? I need to shower quickly."

"No problem. Jack and I are buddies now, right little man?" Dean held up his hand and Jack ran over and jumped up to smack it with his own. "Hold on, let me get your clothes."

While Cas showered, the pizza arrived and Dean paid with cash while Jack helpfully grabbed and repeatedly dropped the soda bottle he'd ordered. Dean set them up to eat at the small table, opting for water and juice from the fridge instead of exploding soda, and tucked napkins into Jack's shirt to try and keep him a little clean. Selfishly he also didn't want his t-shirt ruined.

The three of them sat in relative silence as they eat.

When Jack's done, he hopped down, let Cas clean his hands, and then spun around while telling them a story about his pet snake.

"Jack, did Hanna really let you have a pet snake?" Cas asked, with a gentle smile.

"No. Felix was secret until he ran away."

"Wait, you had a secret pet snake that ran away in the house?" Dean interrupted, speaking with his mouth full.

"He was my friend, and he was cold so I brought him inside and I told him to stay in my room and be good and I kept my door closed. When Daddy's not there I have my own room, but then we shared it when Daddy came home, but Felix was already gone by then."

"By "gone" do you mean still missing in the house?" Cas's spine shot straight as a board and his eyebrows flew up.

"Mmhmmm, Grandmother said he was probably dead." Jack looked at the floor and stopped his constant motion for a moment.

"There was a lost snake in the house and no one told me," Cas laughed with a shiver. "Figures."

When they'd all finished eating they played imaginary games and Cas and Jack taught Dean a patty cake hand game they knew. The room even had a deck of cards in it so they played go fish until it was time for Jack to go to bed. The little boy climbed up into one of the queen-sized beds and Cas snuggled on top of the covers next to him, leaving Dean on the floor to clean up the cards.

"Daddy, tell me a story," Jack yawned and stuck his thumb in his mouth.

"Once upon a time, there were three little girls…"

Jack laughed, "Not that one. Tell me a story about Mama."

Dean's hands stilled. He felt like he was intruding on a private moment, that this was something he wasn't supposed to know about, but he couldn't resist. He needed to know more. He slowly continued his chores, back to Cas, ears straining.

Cas made a noise Dean had never heard before and then there was the rustling of sheets. "Okay, one story and then sleep, deal?"

"Deal," Jack's voice was already slurring from sleep.

"When your mama and I were little, she, Hannah, and I did everything together. One day, she wanted fancy braids in her hair like she's seen Grandmother do for Aunt Hester's wedding. Hannah and I spent all day, wetting and combing Mama's beautiful brown hair. It was really long then, all the way down her back. She had to sweep it out of the way before sitting down or she'd sit on it!"

Jack laughed and Dean heard another rustling sound.

"We braided it all and then braided the braids, and then twisted them all together so the braids fit like a crown around her head. She looked like a true princess when we were done. We went out in the garden and picked lavender to weave into the braids so she looked like a fairy princess."

"Pretty," Jack mumbled.

"She was very pretty. The prettiest girl I've ever seen." Cas took a deep breath and Dean could feel the heaviness of his exhale. "When Grandmother saw what we had done, she was so impressed she let Hannah help with Rachael's hair during her confirmation."

"Why not you?"

"Boys aren't allowed to do hair," Cas explained, his tone neutral.

"But you did it, right Daddy, you did it anyway?"

"Yes. I still did it, and your mama was so happy, she left those braids in for two whole weeks."

Dean dropped his head, there was so much sorrow in Cas's voice, he didn't even know how to process it. He wanted to hold Cas. He wanted to make it better. But loss like that, he understood. Loss like that never gets better, it just gets quieter.

"Goodnight, Jack." Cas leaned down and kissed his son on the head.

"Night, Daddy. G'dnight, Dean."

Dean smiled and turned around to the softest, tenderest scene he'd ever witnessed. Cas curled up behind his son, spooning him and running fingers through his hair, looking at Dean like the whole world had shifted.

"Goodnight, Jack. Sleep Well."

"Will you be here tomorrow?"

"And the tomorrow after that," Dean nodded as the boy closed his eyes.

Cas climbed out of the bed and turned off the lights in the room except for the bathroom light and the small lamp by the table. He walked past Dean, running his fingers through his hair, and sat at the table, watching from across the room as Jack fell asleep.

Cas's touch immobilized Dean. Taking away his breath and all rational thought. That simple touch was the most he'd gotten since he first arrived at Cas's family's house, and his scalp tingled, desperate for more. Seeing Cas again had started a burning ache in him, one that grew with every minute they were together. Having Jack around was like having someone else in charge of his self-control. The boy came first, he'd believe that no matter what. Kids man, people take them for granted but he knew how important it was to let them stay kids for as long as possible. His Dad hadn't cared about that, he hadn't cared what he and Sam heard or saw, so it was always up to him to make sure his little brother learned right from wrong. But with Jack asleep, Cas's touch was like fire.

Dean took deep breaths, steadying himself, not sure what to do with the way his skin felt every movement of the air. He wanted to scream at Cas, drag the whole story out of him. He wanted to kiss him until they couldn't think or feel anything but each other. He wanted to storm out of the door and get shit faced until he could stand to come back and deal with this whole situation.

He puttered around a little, changing into his pajamas and brushing his teeth, before sitting with Cas at the table by the window. Cas just sat there, not moving, not looking at anything, just sitting. And it killed something in Dean to see him like this.

"Cas? You ah, you okay? I bet you're tired." He tried to catch Cas's eye, but they were glassed over and whatever he was looking at wasn't in this room.

"Her name was Kelly. Kelly Kline. And she was my best friend." Cas began quietly.