Author's note: Is it just me or are there any other authors who spend more time finding the right music to write to than they actually spend writing? LOL
Anyway, after doing some research I found out the average chapter contains about 3000 to 4000 words, mine have barely reached 1000 so far(please don't hate me). I will try and make the chapters longer from now on. For my own sake, for the stories' sake and ofcourse for yours. Here's chapter 4, enjoy! (and also, reviews please? :D)

Used to share that feeling, dreaming. Gazing at the bedroom ceiling, oh now I lay here wishing you'd come home

She was startled awake, as she felt something repeadetly bumping into her leg. She was about to scream when she saw it was BB-8. Adrenaline still raced through her bloodstream and her heartrate was through the roof.

'BB-8! You scared me, idiot!' She yelled. BB-8 sounded like he was highly offended.

She looked around, flustered and desorientated. Had she really cried herself to sleep in the sand? She tried to shake it off and answered: 'You're right, I'm sorry. Let's go.' She got up letting out a groan and wiped the sand from her clothes and face. She would need to use the refresher as soon as she got on board, as the sand had caked to her face because of her tears.

She walked back to the ship while asking BB-8 to go ahead and fire up the engines of the Millenium Falcon. BB-8 beeped frantically.

'Yes buddy, I promise.' Rey sighed.

As she approached the Correlian freighter, she slowed down and felt a pang of guilt in her heart. The ship was given to her by Chewbacca and Lando Calrissian, as a token of gratitude. Though it didn't belong to her. It never would. It belonged to.. him. She swallowed through another load of tears. She wondered if she would ever run out of tears for him. Probably not, she thought.

She urged herself onward and lowered the gangplank. She had just slept, but she was still bone tired and longed for sleep greatly. As she walked into the ship her feet felt like they were made of lead.

She had made her way to the cockpit and plopped herself on the pilot seat and let out a sigh. Wow, she really needed a good night's sleep. She sent a silent prayer to the Force begging for a quiet night of sleep. In vain, probably, as the nightmares were becoming so much worse. She didn't think that it was possible, but it was.

A high security long-range comm was installed aboard the Falcon. She attempted to reach Poe –who had been elected to serve as the new General- as she didn't know where the Resistance was based now. Luckily, he came in.

'If it isn't the hero of the Resistance. I'm glad to see you. What's up?' Poe paused, 'Rey, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost!' Dameron's face was riddled with worry.

Rey smiled weakly, it didn't reach her eyes though. 'Well, you won't believe it if I tell you, but I actually did see one or two.' she replied. It dawned on her she hadn't properly smiled since Exegol.

'You WHAT? Do you need me to come get you?' Right. Poe didn't know that much about the Force, let alone Force ghosts. She didn't feel like explaining.

'No, it's fine. Never mind. I'll explain later' she sighed,

'Are you sure you're okay?' Poe was still very worried.

I most certainly am not, she thought, but she shrugged it off. 'Yes, I'm okay, I think. I'm about to take off, but some coordinates would come in mighty handy. Where are you guys?' Rey asked.

'The remains of the Resistance are now based on Takodana, by the grace of Maz Kanata. Me, Finn, Chewie and Rose are still here, though most of us have gone home. Don't expect much when you get here.' Poe warned.

Of course, she thought. What is the use of a Resistance if there's nothing left to resist? She hesitated for a moment. She hadn't told them the full story of what happened on Exegol. She had conveniently left out... Ben. If she were to return, she would have to tell them. But then again, she wasn't going to figure it out all by herself. She needed her friends, perhaps now more than ever.

'I'm coming home!' she said, and closed the comm.

As Rey lifted off Tatooine, she set the coordinates for Takodana and engaged the hyperdrive. Usually, she loved to hear and see the Falcon thrum to life in hyperspeed, this time though, it didn't do anything for her. She wasn't quite sure what to feel right now. This ship is too big for one person, she thought. It made her feel even more alone. Rey went ahead and used the refresher.

When she was done, she grabbed her satchel and fumbled in it until she found what she was looking for. A dark grey sweater. The only tangible memory she had of.. him. She had taken it with her when she left Exegol.
She put it on and buried her face in it. It still smelled of him. She took a deep whiff and felt herself relax and become more tense at the same time. It made her miss him even more, though the sheer memory of him made her smile, truly this time.

BB-8 rolled up to her and asked if she wanted to play a game, something to kill the time. It would take them several days, even aboard the fastest hunk o' junk in the Galaxy, to reach Takodana. 'I'm sorry, BB-8, I'm just not in the mood.' Rey said. BB-8 let out a sad, rejected beep and rolled itself into the corner of the room and went into low power mode.

She felt herself grow even more weary and retreated to her bunk. On the wall inside she had etched thirty-seven tally marks, as she always used to do back on Jakku, in the toppled AT-AT she used to call home. Thirty-seven days since she last saw him, thirty-seven days since he dissapeard from this world. Thirty-seven days since he... died.

She should've saved him, or at least she should've tried. She blamed herself for his death. For if it weren't for her, he would still be alive. How was she supposed to live with herself now? Knowing what could have been? Knowing that he never truly got to enjoy his life, his redemption? She would've gladly given her life for him. Instead, he gave his. It all happened so fast, he was gone before she even realised what happened. She should've done at least something!

How could she ever be a true Jedi, a true Light side user if she were responsible for someone's death and hadn't done a thing to stop it? She knew in her heart she could never be a true Jedi. She had known too much loneliness, too much hate, too much despair and now, a broken heart was added to that list. Though she couldn't imagine siding with the Dark. For it's not what he would've wanted for her. Her face was wet with tears. Again. Damnit

She vowed she would walk the path of the Light, though not for herself. Not for her friends. Not for the wellbeing of the Galaxy.. 'For Ben' she whispered.

And with those words, as she snuggled into his sweater, she drifted off to sleep with his scent filling her being.

She was back on Exegol, she woke up to find herself in Ben's arms. He was in deep concentration. He looked so damaged, yet had never looked so at peace. Her stomach felt warm, and she realised his enormous hand was there. She ran her hand across the back of his, and he was snapped out of his meditation immediately. She sat herself up and Ben looked like he was beaming with happiness.
She couldn't help but caress his beautiful, unusual face. She didn't exactly know what she was doing. 'Ben' she heard herself whisper. She leaned in and kissed him.

She had never felt so whole, so utterly complete. She felt like she had finally found what she was looking for. As they broke their kiss, he smiled. She had never seen him smile before and she was sure it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.
She finally got to meet who he really was. Ben Solo. Now that she had found him, she was sure she would never let him go. Ever.

The dream shifted as his smile faded.

She was pulled away from the scene, and instead of experiencing the memory herself, she was watching from a distance. Though this time, there was something vastly different going on.
She could see how her- no - Rey's expession changed to one of pure hatred. Her eyecolor changed to an eerie golden color which she recognized immediately. She had seen it in Palpatine.

Dream-Rey called her lightsaber to her. Though it wasn't one Rey was familiar with. When dream-Rey ignited it, it was red and double bladed. Like the one she had seen on the Second Death Star. 'Rey?' she heard Ben ask hesitantly.
'I know what I have to do AND I have the strength to do it!' dream-Rey screamed with a screetching voice as she plunged her saber in Bens chest.

Rey saw the surprise and fear in Bens eyes as the light in him dimmed. Rey let out a horrified and bloodcurdling scream. Dream-Rey stood up and turned to face Rey. 'You!' Rey hissed as she ignited the blue Skywalker lightsaber. Rey's blood was boiling. She would kill this impostor as soon as she had the chance.
'You might as well have done it, you're the reason why he's dead!' Dream-Rey growled and then vanished.

Rey rushed herself to Ben, to see if there maybe was a chance. But he was gone. She was too late. She lay down beside him, burying her face in his lightsaber-scorched chest, wishing he would come back. But he never would.

Once again the dream shifted.

She was surrounded by darkness, and nothing more. 'What is this place?' she thought. 'Am I dead?' Then, she heard. AND saw. She was watching from a distance again.

'REY!' she heard Ben scream. He was running toward something, fast. She squinted to focus on whatever it was he was trying to reach. She saw a white outline and inside.. 'Sand? What?' Rey muttered as she tried to focus more. She saw someone standing amidst the sand. Then, she realised. It was HER in the sand. Tatooine. 'What?!' she said in disbelief.

Before Ben could reach her, it looked like he collapsed against an invisible wall. He frantically bashed into it, desperate to reach her. 'REY!' he screamed again. Then she saw herself draw her lightsaber and slashing the portal in two.

She woke screaming at the top of her lungs. Strands of hair had stuck to her sweaty forehead. She fell out of her bunk with a loud thud while she continued to kick and scream. She snapped out of it when she heard her lightsaber ignite. Had she really called it to her without her being aware of it? She powered it down and sat up, lifting her knees and wrapped her arms around them. She rocked herself back and forth. It was just a nightmare, just a nightmare. You're safe. It's okay. She thought to herself in an attempt to calm herself down.

Every night since Ben's death had been like this. Every night it would become worse. She knew she would never know a quiet night's sleep again in her life. She hated it fiercely. But I deserve it. All of it. She should have saved him. He was right to haunt her in dreams.

A/N: Yes, yes, I know. The dream was kinda mindfuckey but bear with me. Also, 2100 words, BOOYAH! *insert Obama mic drop gif*