A/N: Thank you for all your patience. The reviews finally made me get my butt in gear and put this chapter up. I know it has been a long time coming. After recovering from covid, we found out we are pregnant! We have been trying for years so it is very exciting. However, the first trimester into the second kicked my butt. But I'm hoping I am coming around the bend and will have more chapters coming your way. So please keep those reviews coming, they keep me motivated.
***I DO NOT OWN INUYASHA OR SAILOR MOON***
Chapter Thirty-Six: Moving Forward
A growl ripped through the dark space as Serena scrambled to her feet. Blood dripped down her arm from where his claws had slashed through her flesh attempting to capture her. She held her injured arm close as she sprinted down the hallway. She could hear him getting closer as his growls got louder and louder. Serena tripped over her own feet sprawling on the ground with a cry. Getting to her hands and knees panting, Serena grunted then looked at the ground beneath her. A large pool of blood gathered, seeping into the carpet, soaking the ground. A clawed hand impaled through her back and out her stomach. Turning her head slowly she was met with a pair of red eyes.
Serena screamed and bolted upright clawing at her stomach frantically. There was no blood, no claws. She felt Sesshomaru sit up reaching around her to grasp her hands, holding them still.
"Breathe little star, it is not real" he whispered pulling her back against him.
She hadn't been asleep long when she started whimpering and shaking in her sleep. Serena had only gotten a couple of hours of sleep. However, it seemed that was a common occurrence. How she had been able to hide it that long, he didn't know. She must have bitten her lip or covered her mouth numerous times, almost to a painful point. Serena took a few deep breaths closing her eyes. The warmth from his skin calmed her fried nerves. Sesshomaru wrapped an arm around her waist, the other around her chest. He nuzzled the side of her face muttering against her skin.
"What happened?" he inquired.
Serena closed her eyes, her frame trembling for a moment.
"I was being chased…no more like hunted. Clawed my arm right" touching her left arm briefly "I kept running, I could hear the growls getting closer. I tried to get away but I was so tired from losing blood…I tripped and then he drove his claws through my stomach." Serena's hand rested on her stomach over top of Sesshomaru's
"Who did?" he asked though he was sure he already knew that answer.
Serena took a deep breath twisting her body to look him dead in the eye.
"You did" she answered.
Sesshomaru's gaze faltered, he had tried to kill her. True it had been fabricated but for a moment she thought he was capable of killing her, spilling her blood. He looked at his hands letting his claws lengthen to their deadly points. Serena immediately took his hand and placed it over her heart. He flinched, afraid that he may inflict some pain.
"Would you ever hurt me?" she asked, her gaze softening "would you ever kill me?"
"Never" he replied firmly his gaze holding hers steadily "I would never leave so much as a mark on your skin"
"Exactly" putting her hand over top his "I do not fear you or your claws Sessh. You are my mate, my husband and my King. You would never hurt me, Sion will not win this game. He wants me to be afraid of you, so broken that he is my only option but he forgets on crucial thing" she paused to kiss him tenderly "you and I are soul mates, nothing can break that. I know that now, I trust in that. I won't ever let something get in the way of that."
Sesshomaru pulled her back in for another breathtaking kiss, his hand holding the back of her head. Moving his lips against hers, tasting her. Memorizing the way her lips felt against his. Pulling away, he brushed his nose against hers.
"I'm sorry I kept this from you Sessh" Serena whispered "I'll do whatever I need to, to restore your trust in me"
She cuddled close to him feeling guilty about her choices. Now knowing that she should have been honest from the beginning but she stubbornly thought she was protecting them.
"You never lost my trust love. I understand you're reasoning no matter how much I disagree" narrowing his gaze slightly "everything is out in the open. Now we move forward together, as one"
Sesshomaru held her body close, stroking her hair.
"How are you feeling after last night?" he asked his fingers grazing the bruises on her hips. Her body already healing the bite marks and bruises left by his hands. They covered her hips, stomach and thighs.
"Sore" she mused "some bruising but my hands are healed though" wiggling her now unblemished hands in front of his face. Sesshomaru swung his legs over the side of the bed, tucking her legs around his waist. Carrying her into the washroom he set her down on the counter.
"I'm running a bath, it will soothe your sore muscles" he nudged her cheek with his nose "stay put," he said sternly.
Serena nodded watching him fill the bath with hot soapy water. His naked form brought a smile to her face, he was so beautiful. His skin was flawless, his muscles defined and his hair silky and bright. She piled her hair on top of her head and waited patiently for him to finish. Sesshomaru smiled at the sight of her waiting and listening to him. Lifting her up and holding her close to him, he stepped into the tub sinking into the hot water. He shifted her to be sitting between his legs against his chest. Serena hissed as the hot water hit her skin. It loosened her tense muscles immediately.
"That's nice" she moaned letting the heat sink into her skin. Sesshomaru rubbed at her shoulders loosening the knots in them. Kissing the skin there lightly. How had he not noticed how tired and wound up she had become?
"Stop that" she chided him, her eyes closed, her head leaning on his chest as he massaged her shoulders. The exhaustion was beginning to take its toll on her body.
He paused his movements for a moment.
"Stop what?" he asked peering at her closed eyes.
Serena whimpered at the sudden loss of his massaging hands, she tapped her shoulder urging him to continue. Sesshomaru pressed at the sore muscles continuing the massage.
"You are being hard on yourself again…oh right there" Serena began relaxing under his touch "I'm good at hiding. I had to be. It's not like I made it blatantly obvious, you only know what I wanted you to"
Sesshomaru huffed and glanced away. More frustrated with himself than anyone.
"You are my mate, I should know" he growled
Serena grabbed his hands stopping him, she turned to sit on his lap cupping his face. He needed to understand.
"Stop Sesshomaru Taisho. I will not have you continue to blame yourself. I kept this from you. Period. End of story" her eyes begged for him to let go of the guilt and move forward.
She needed him to not place blame on himself, if he needed to blame someone he should blame her. He relented. Running a hand down her back, he drew her close to him.
"I will attempt but I don't know if I can. I failed in my most basic duties as your mate" he stated, guilt heavy in his tone. Serena sighed leaning her head against his, her eyes sliding shut as a few tears slipped out trailing down her cheeks.
"Little star" he muttered as she softly wept "why do you cry?"
Serena shook her head "you blame yourself because of my actions. I am the one to blame. The one who should feel the guilt. The one who needs to make up for their actions"
Burying her face into his shoulder, she wept wrapping her arms around his head. Sesshomaru cradled her frame rumbling low in his chest. He placed light kisses on her mark offering unspoken love and comfort. The couple had some barriers they would need to work through but they'd make it through, together.
"I'm sorry" she muttered into his neck, kissing the skin there "I am so sorry for the danger I put Rin in and the pain I brought to you. I didn't want you to suffer because there is nothing to be done but you have. All because I was stupid and foolish" she trailed off.
"Look at me" he commanded, Serena removed her face from his shoulder sniffling "let me be clear, you should not feel guilt. You have nothing to make up. If I am not allowed to blame myself then neither are you. Clearly, my words did more damage than I realized and for that I am sorry."
Serena nodded letting a few more tears slip down her cheeks. Sesshomaru kissed the tears away.
"I can promise that I'll try" she whispered
His hand slipped to the back of her neck holding firmly.
"We will try together but that is the key. Together. You won't be leaving my side, is that clear?" he stated, his tone strong and unwavering.
Serena smiled softly, most would find this side of their mates unsettling. Their protective and possessive side. But she was the opposite, she knew it was his way of demonstrating his love for her. He also couldn't help it, it was part and parcel of being an Inu demon.
"Yes sir" pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.
Sesshomaru rumbled low in his chest. His cock hardened at how sweet and innocent his mate currently looked however, he knew how much of a vixen she could be. He tried to will it away but if she kept that up then he would be lost. Serena let him pull her in for a gentle kiss filled with so much love it almost overwhelmed her. Letting her lips brush across his lips teasing him. Serena rose to her knees reaching between their bodies grasping his hardened length. She positioned him at her entrance and slowly lowered herself onto him, not once breaking eye contact. Hissing slightly, she was still a little tender from the previous night's activities. But she needed this, a connection of their love, speaking everything they couldn't with words.
Sesshomaru moaned deep in his throat as she encased him in her hot walls
"You are still recovering my little star" groaned Sesshomaru as his mate slowly rode him "I don't wish to hurt you"
If only the rest of his body would listen to his logical reasoning. One touch and it sent him into a tailspin, the things this woman did to him. He was always pleased her appetite was just as high as his.
"You never hurt me" she muttered against his skin
Serena put her hands on either side of his face, kissing him and the room suddenly fell away leaving only them. He had never gotten so lost in a kiss before. And then the space between them exploded, filling the space with an intense feeling of love. Her heart kept missing beats and his hands couldn't bring her close enough to him. He could have every single inch of her body pressed tight against his and still, he'd want her closer. Sesshomaru slipped her tongue into her open mouth. He tasted her and realized all the years before her he had been starving. Sesshomaru had kissed before, but it didn't fill his soul or burn his skin. He didn't know how long they slowly and gently made love in the bath. Maybe it was a few minutes, and maybe it was an hour. All he knew was that that kiss, and how soft her skin was when it brushed against his. He never wanted to be anywhere else.
They separated breathing heavily. They had explored each other's bodies, had made love and they had fucked hard. This was different. This was the connection of the souls, a joining of two individuals expressing everything they felt. Sesshomaru shuddered in the afterglow of their lovemaking. He kissed her lips, her cheeks and her eyelids.
"I swear I couldn't love you more than something happens and I know I do" he whispered still buried deep inside her. Serena pressed her lips to his pouring nothing but love into her kiss.
Later, Sesshomaru watched Serena stand in their walk-in closet wasting time deciding what to wear. She stood only in her bra and panties. He knew it wasn't about the clothing, she was avoiding leaving the safe space that was their bedroom. Serena kept chewing her bottom lip.
"Little star" he called to her from the doorway dressed in a white t-shirt and black jeans. Glancing over her shoulder at him, her blue eyes were giving everything away about what she was feeling. He pushed off the doorframe strolling over to her.
"You are nervous" placing his hands on her arms, rubbing up and down her skin "you have no reason to be, no one is angry with you"
She bit her bottom lip and nodded keeping her gaze trained to the ground. Sesshomaru could tell as much as she wanted to believe his words, a part of her still thought that they would hate her for her secrets. Serena grabbed onto his belt loops with her fingers letting her head fall onto his chest. Sesshomaru smirked at his little mate, she was always so concerned about how others may be feeling rather than focusing on herself. As much as he wanted to keep them locked away where he could keep her safe and protected in his arms, he knew they needed to face the day. Face the reality that they needed a solution to these dreams.
"Look at me" he demanded tilting her head up, blue meeting gold "they are your family and they love you. They are only concerned for your safety as am I. So although I am quite enjoying you dressed like this" his eyes raking hungrily over her scantly clad body, "I think it is best if you got dressed now."
Serena smiled softly leaning up on her tiptoes pecking him on the lips. Sesshomaru could still see the doubt in her eyes but decided not to push it too far. She had been through enough the past few days so he chose not to keep pushing. At least he could see clearly her emotions now, no masking behind fake smiles and false twinkles in her blue eyes. Pulling away from her, he pecked her on the forehead.
"Wear this" he suggested pulling a simple romper and jean jacket from their closet.
"Yes sir" she teased plucking the clothes from his hands, ducking under his arm and scampering back into their room. Sesshomaru groaned throwing his head back.
"You enjoy testing my limits, you minx! And I will make you pay for it" he growled. Causing Serena to laugh from their room.
Sesshomaru strolled into the kitchen towing an extremely hesitant Serena behind him. She kept trying to find reasons to stay in their room, first to make the bed then to unpack her bag, cleaning up the haphazard-looking closet. Finally, Sesshomaru had to practically wrestle her phone from her hands while she answered unread emails that really did not require her immediate attention. He almost had to drag her from their room and down their hallway.
"Mama! Daddy!" Rin exclaimed scrambling down from her chair and running to her parents. Last night, her mama had told her that they were mated and were going to get married. Rin knew demons had different marriage traditions than humans do but she was ecstatic nonetheless. She asked a million questions of when her little brothers and sisters were coming when the wedding would be and could she be the flower girl. But then Auntie Sango said mama got sick and Daddy had to make sure she was okay. Now that she was okay, Rin was happy. She didn't like seeing her mama hurt.
Sesshomaru pulled Rin up into his arms nuzzling the side of her small face. Standing frozen to the entryway of the dining room, Serena looked timid fiddling with her hands. Everyone stood frozen staring at her.
"I…" she stuttered her lips trembling.
Sesshomaru sensed her distress coming to stand next to her. He had Rin on his one hip but encircled her waist with his other, kissing the side of her head.
Serena sighed having a difficult time meeting their gaze "I'm so sorry I kept this from you all. I understand if you can't trust me but please know I was just trying to protect everyone" she sniffled, big tears dripped from her eyes, her shoulders shaking "I thought…I thought"
She couldn't finish her train of thought. Sesshomaru held tightly to her hip nuzzling her mark with his nose. Toga stood first, his face unreadable. He walked in front of Serena and stood for a moment before crouching down wrapping his large arms under her arms and around her back lifting her to embrace her. Holding her in a crushing hug, her feet dangling above the ground. Serena buried her face into his shoulder and sobbed.
"Dad…" she cried "Dad I'm sorry!"
Toga rubbed her back slowly and whispered "hush sweetheart. You don't need to apologize to anyone. Dad's here and I'll keep you safe"
He continued to comfort her, hushing her cries and whispering that they would solve this together. Holding her close until her cries lessened into sniffles and hiccups. Once she was calm, Toga slowly placed her back on her feet and kissed her forehead. His sweet daughter's face was red from the tears. He peered down at her and sighed.
"No one is angry with you, but no more secrets do I make myself clear?" he said firmly
Serena nodded "Sesshomaru already said the same thing"
Toga chuckled casting a glance at his son. That was not surprising considering how fiercely protective Sesshomaru was of his mate. Toga knew that Sesshomaru would set the world on fire three times over if it meant she would be safe and protected. Nodding once towards his son, he could see that his beast was satisfied and there were no more secrets.
"Good, now that's out of the way" Izayoi exclaimed shoving Toga aside and pulling Serena into a crushing hug "my sweet girl! You must be exhausted"
Kagome joined the duo and rubbed her arm "I can help with that, I'll help you sleep. I was going to come last night but…" she blushed "you sounded a little busy"
Serena immediately blushed scarlet red thinking of the previous night and how loud they'd been. Her screams echoing throughout their room. She glanced at Sesshomaru who was smirking looking awfully proud of himself. Smacking his arm lightly before she took Rin from his arms. Hugging and reassuring her that her mama was okay before sending her off with Shippo.
Everyone hugged her and reassured her that they weren't upset with her, mainly concerned with her safety. Koga and Inuyasha briefly gave her a difficult time about keeping secrets, as older brothers do. Sesshomaru just grumbled that they were idiots and to pay them no mind.
"Well I hope you made the bastard grovel for being such a colossal dick" barked Inuyasha earning him a well-placed growl from his older brother
"Inu language!" chided Serena looking over her shoulder towards the kids playing in the living room "Sessh and I had a long conversation and everything is out in the open. He forgave me for my mistakes and still wants to marry me so I don't care about anything else"
Sesshomaru pulled at her arm gently drawing her back to him, he kissed her mark briefly. He knew she was still beating herself up for keeping secrets just as he was still mentally beating himself up for reacting the way he had. It would take time and love from one another to forgive themselves.
"And marry you I shall mate" he stated before turning to his family "what are you all still doing home? Didn't think you would all be here"
Toga shrugged "family is more important. Right now, we have to focus on this" he looked to Miroku and nodded
Miroku sighed "alright so we need to know everything before we can figure out a game place" he then motioned for everyone to sit down around the table "first off, do you know how he got in?"
Everyone's gaze was suddenly on her and Serena felt herself shy away slightly, biting her bottom lip. Standing frozen behind the chair as everyone sat and listened. She paused and shrugged a little, her shoulders barely showing the movement.
"I think I do…" she trailed off, Sesshomaru tugged her into the chair next to him and kissed the side of her head "when he took me and tortured me with those visions, a piece…a piece of me broke" her voice breaking.
Sesshomaru tightened his hold on her, his eyes tinting red at the mere mention of that night. It played on a loop in his head, the feeling of her missing, seeing her so cold and limp in his arms. The way she wailed, shook and screamed when she thought she was still stuck in the endless nightmare. It haunted him. Serena rubbed the side of his neck trying to comfort him.
"He only needed a silver to seep his darkness into me" she continued her gaze downturned "I'm too weak to get rid of it"
Serena was feeling frustrated and angry at herself. She should be able to rid herself of this darkness. She was the light. The pure white light that represented everything good in the world and yet she held this darkness inside her. Sometimes she wondered if it would be there permanently. Was she still the light? Or was she too tainted now?
An open hand slamming down on the surface of the table jolted her out of her thoughts. Shocked she looked up to see the narrowed gaze of Koga staring back at her.
"You are not weak" he bit out clenching his jaw, he was angry. Not at her but at Sion for making her think that she was in any way weak.
"You have survived torturous nightmare after nightmare, all on your own yet you still smile, laugh and love" he continued taking a deep breath in as Ayame rubbed his back "that is not weakness. I am not upset that you kept it from us but I won't tolerate you calling yourself weak. Not after everything you have survived."
The others in the family just nodded, in complete agreement with him. Serena reached across the table to grab Koga's outstretched hand. Serena was one of his sisters and he cared for her deeply.
"He is right" Ayame added smiling at her "you are so strong, sister. We will be here to help you"
Sesshomaru leaned over to nuzzle the side of her face whispering quietly in her ear "you are strong my love, stronger than any"
Serena turned and kissed him softly letting her lips hover on his for a moment
"Continue my little star" he muttered
She sighed and turned to face her family, seeing their support for her in their eyes.
"I think he tried that day in the school" her gaze flickering to Koga's face that twisted in guilt "but he failed, needing another route to do this. Every night I watch one of you die over and over. I could never get to you."
"Every night?" asked Sango, her hand coming up to cover her mouth in horror "you had to watch us die every night?"
Serena nodded stiffly "or one of you kills me"
Sango shook her head in disbelief. It must have been awful for her to go through that night after night. Serena nodded as a tear fell from her eye. Flashes of their deaths passed through her mind, each time she finally got to them they would already be gone. Lying motionless on the ground. Staring back at her with lifeless disappointed eyes. It haunted her thoughts.
"Mate" Sesshomaru's voice whispered in her ear drawing her back to reality. He grasped her chin turning her head to look at him, his gaze softening at the sadness in her eyes. It clouded the lovely blue that mesmerized him. She had zoned out for a few moments, a glassy look coming across from her face. Serena was clearly haunted by these nightmares.
"Little star…" he sighed pulling her into his arms, nuzzling behind her ear. If he could take her pain away, he would in an instant. If only to see her face light up with a smile again. Serena let her head rest on his shoulder looking at their family.
"Sometimes when I close my eyes, I still see it all" she whimpered
Inuyasha's eyes narrowed clenching his fists. He could smell the pain on her. See the torture in her eyes.
"Miroku please tell us there is something to be done here" he demanded looking over at him.
All eyes turned to him looking for answers, none more than Sesshomaru. Watching his mate struggle alone with this torture tugged at this heart.
Miroku chewed on his bottom lip as all the options ran across his mind. You could almost see the wheels turning in his brain weighing the advantages and disadvantages of each one.
Finally, he spoke "I may have something but I'll need to go to the shrine" turning to Kagome "does your family still have my ancestors texts?"
Kagome nodded "yea they do, we can head up there right away to retrieve them"
Inuyasha nodded wrapping his arm around her "Sango and I will come with you"
They could offer protection while Kagome and Miroku researched their options. Toga nodded in agreement, he was pleased that there was a start to a plan. Ever since the attack, he had been running himself ragged trying to figure out how to protect his family. How this monster was always two steps ahead of them and what to do to turn the tables to their advantage.
"It is going to take most of the day to get there, look over everything and come home" Sango added
Sesshomaru took in Serena's appearance, one night of solid sleep did not make up for all the hours lost. Exhaustion was already creeping back into his mate's eyes. Although the one positive was that she was no longer hiding things from him anymore. He was able to see the truth in her eyes when she spoke to him. Sesshomaru brushed the hair out of her face and cupped her cheek. He could see how tired Serena was and how hard she was fighting it.
"That is fine, Serena needs her rest" he stated
Serena gripped his hand "but Sessh I want to help…"
A firm stare from both Sesshomaru and Toga stopped her protests in their tracks.
"As much as we appreciate that, it is best if you stay here. Relax. Recharge and sleep" suggested Miroku "this will take a lot out of you. It will be extremely draining, whichever path we take"
"That's a good idea" Ayame added leaning forward excitedly "we can have a spa day. Facials, pedicures, the works."
Serena smiled softly, although she hated being no help she knew her body couldn't handle much more. She needed rest. Sango just groaned about missing a fun girl's day in. Miroku feigned being devastated that she'd rather get pampered than be with him. Quickly agreeing, Sango caused Miroku to almost fall out of his chair as everyone else laughed. Serena snuggled into Sesshomaru's arms, happy to finally not holding secrets.
After the group left, Ayame pulled out her phone to set up some appointments for the two of them.
"They won't be here until the afternoon," she said finding Sesshomaru and Serena curled up on the couch together. It had begun to pour rain shortly after they all left prompting Sesshomaru to suggest a quiet morning. As it was he noticed Serena barely staying awake, her eyes slowly blinking and her breathing evening out.
"Hmm good," he said pulling a blanket over top of himself and Serena who was nestled in his lap. He refused to have her anywhere else. Rin and Shippo were cuddled up with Koga on the floor. They had a big bowl of popcorn between them. The kids were excited about a movie morning with their family.
Leaning down to her ear he whispered "you should try to nap love" kissing the skin behind her ear.
Serena grumbled incoherently in response. Clearly too exhausted to form actual sentences causing Ayame to giggle.
"He is right," she said patting her on the leg "we will wake you when they get here, don't worry"
Koga looked back at them rolling his eyes and shook his head "she is already asleep"
Serena shifted to her side and curled up in Sesshomaru's lap grasping tightly to his arm. The action made him smile causing him to rub her back slowly as they watched the movie. This was pure heaven to him, having his mate tucked in his embrace where she was safe. Their daughter happy and giggling on the floor with her cousin, aunt and uncle. The only way he wanted to spend their life, safe and happy.
"She looks exhausted" noted Ayame looking back at Serena's slumbering face.
Sesshomaru looked down at his mate, brushing his fingers across her skin. He could see the darkness under her eyes beginning to emerge. If Miroku couldn't find anything then he would have to think of an alternative. Until he could find and kill Sion, he and his mate would take a leave of absence from work. He refused to risk her health both physically and mentally. Also making a note to ask Kagome to see if she could help Serena with her sleep. Kagome's spiritual abilities had a limit so it wouldn't be constant but it was something.
'I will do whatever I need to keep her safe and healthy' he thought running his fingers down her back 'she is my world, I will give up anything'
"She is so strong," remarked Ayame settling beside Koga "I don't think I could handle that night after night"
"Hn" replied Sesshomaru picking up her hand playing with the ring on her finger.
His focus strayed from the movie playing and focused on his fiancée and her facial features. His ears trained on her heartbeat and whether it remained steady and consistent. If Serena knew how much he worried she'd give him hell for it, he could almost start to understand why she kept it all from him. She was his weak point.
Serena's head snapped back and forth confused. Why was she outside the house? Did she sleepwalk? Fog laid heavy on the ground leaving a chill in the air, goosebumps dotting her skin. Serena felt her legs unconsciously move her towards the house. Something pulled her in despite everything in her heart told her she shouldn't go in there.
Fear gripped her.
Slowly she ascended the stairs to the front door, her heart pounding inside her chest. Reaching out a hand she stopped as her fingertips brushed the handle, dread filled her. Twisting the knob Serena slipped into the dark house, the only light illuminating something that made her whole body go numb.
Sesshomaru.
He lay completely still, his eyes closed. At that moment, she knew. He was gone.
A scream erupted from her as she scrambled to get to his side. Falling to her knees, she shook his chest violently trying to get him to wake up.
"Sesshomaru!" she cried tears spilling down her cheeks as she tried to wake him.
How could this be real? They needed more time together, they had barely started. More time. More kisses. More mornings waking up wrapped in each other. More children. Serena draped her body across his chest, grabbing one of his large hands. Bringing it up to her face, she laid it on the side of her face. Cupping it as he did. Closing her eyes she quietly cried.
'I need you Sesshomaru…what do I do now?' she thought 'what do I tell Rin? Our daughter, our sweet girl. How do I tell her that her daddy isn't coming home? How do I raise her without you?'
Serena squeezed her eyes tightly shut as sobs escaped her lips. It felt like her whole body was in agonizing pain.
"Please" she sniffled "give him more time, I beg you stars. I'll do anything"
Slowly rising to her knees, she clasped his hand in hers praying to the stars. Just hoping they would listen to her.
"Stars hear my plea" she whispered closing her eyes "save his life. Give his lungs breath. His heart a beat. I will anything you ask of me"
Silence met her please, all that could be heard were her quiet sobs and tears splattering against the floor. Serena pressed her lips to his hand peppering it with soft kisses. How she wished she could feel the warmth of his skin again.
"Please stars listen" she begged again clenching Sesshomaru's hand tighter "I will give anything for his family to get him back. He has a father, a stepmother, a daughter, brothers and sisters. He is so deeply loved. Please grant me this last request"
A silent breeze brushed pashed her, as whispering voices surrounded her. She tried to concentrate on their words. To hear what they spoke but there were too many, speaking too quickly. Suddenly they stopped and become one combined voice. A thousand voices speaking as one together.
"You wish to change his fate" they all whispered in unison
Serena nodded vigorously as she looked around trying to pinpoint their location.
"We have the power to change the path he is on" they continued "change the course that fate has started"
A soft gasp escaped her lips as she glanced down at her love.
"You can?" she questioned, "how?"
A few silent agonizing minutes passed by.
"Please!" she yelled, her voice echoing around the empty halls.
"Yes" they answered "we can reverse his fate and bring life to his body"
Joy filled Serena for a moment before realizing that everything has a cost. Nothing comes without a price. There must always be a balance in the universe, she knew this. She grew up learning about the balance of light and dark, of life and death. Glancing down at her love's still face she knew. At that moment there was no other decision that made more sense to her. Serena would pay any price that was asked of her.
"What must be given in return?" she asked "a balance must be maintained in the world"
The voices murmured for a few moments before speaking.
"The price for one life is another. Only a soul can replace a soul. If you wish for Sesshomaru to live then one must take his place. That is the price to be paid" they spoke together
Stroking the side of Sesshomaru's face, Serena smiled softly. She would do this for him, for their daughter and family. Leaning down; pressing his hand against her beating heart, Serena brushed her lips against his. Letting her lips linger against his, she quietly asked for his forgiveness.
"I will love you until the last star disappears from the night sky and all the light leaves the world" Serena whispered "I'm sorry…but this one sacrifice I must make. Forgive me"
Rising to her feet, Serena began to follow the sound of the voices. Pausing momentarily to look back at the man who changed her life and captured her heart completely.
"Little star" Sesshomaru's rough voice startled Serena out of her sleep. She sat up abruptly, her blue eyes wide, her small hand covering her mouth.
"Little star" he repeated, furrowing his brows. His mate had been in distress but that wasn't what caused him anguish. It was a promise she apparently made. Mumbling in her sleep, apologies for a sacrifice, but what sacrifice was she speaking of? Her heartbeat had been beating furiously and almost seemed like it stopped at one point.
Serena glanced around the room at the concerned faces of her family and her mate. One minute she was saying goodbye and the next she was back in the arms of her mate. He was alive. Her head snapped to look right into Sesshomaru's gaze, her eyes filled with intense pain.
"Sessh" she whispered as he sat up wrapping his long arms around her tiny frame. Immediately she buried her face in his neck. Tangling her hands in his long silver hair. It had all been a dream, a terrible nightmare concocted by Sion again. Trying to break her and torture her. He had almost succeeded this time.
Sesshomaru could feel the wet droplets of her tears against his skin. His gaze turned to Koga and Ayame whose face held the same reaction.
'These nightmares need to cease' he thought tightening his hold on his mate 'I cannot watch her come undone at his hands'
Sesshomaru rumbled low in his chest soothing Serena, quieting her tears in sniffles. The sound of his heart beating and the feel of his body against hers where she could feel him breathing soothed her. However, that didn't stop the questions from flying around his thoughts.
What was this nightmare?
Why did it seem to affect so much deeper than the others?
What sacrifice was she mumbling about?
Why was she apologizing?
Sesshomaru needed to discuss all this with his mate. After the previous night, he was determined to keep the communication open and honest. Leaning back, he placed his hands on either side of her face.
"Love" he started "what happened?"
Serena wasn't sure how to tell him about her dream. He would be angered that Sion tried such a low tactic as his death. However, learning of her choice to sacrifice herself would leave him enraged. Her pink lips opened and closed slowly unable to form the words. The deep aching pain in her chest was still there. The image of her love laying still and breathless was engrained on the inside of her eyelids. Taking a shuddering breath in and out, she tried to explain.
"It was another nightmare…the same but not" she began, her bottom lip trembling. She could feel all eyes on her and wasn't sure she could continue. A life without Sesshomaru beside her was not something she ever thought about let alone could comprehend. It was beyond the grasp of reality. It would be like asking her to breathe underwater. Almost as painful as if she lost her sweet Rin.
"Little star" Sesshomaru's voice whispered.
The deep baritone of his voice cut through the fog of her exhaustion and pain.
His voice continued "Tell us, love, I cannot give you solace unless you tell me"
Serena nodded slowly. Staring deep into his golden gaze. Tears began to well in her eyes.
"Oh Sessh, it…it wasn't like the others" she whispered so quietly even Ayame and Koga struggled to hear "it was a million times worse than all of them together"
Covering her mouth, she cried softly. The pain evident in every quiet sob making all their hearts clench. You could see the intense pain like it physically hurt her to relieve it.
Rage began to build in Sesshomaru, his sweet loving mate should never have to endure such pain. Yet, she endured her share of a million lifetimes.
Suddenly a small hand appeared and brushed some tears away from Serena's face. The pair turned to see their daughter looking incredibly concerned for her mother.
"Mama" she whispered
"Rin" she replied opening her arms, allowing Rin to crawl into her parent's lap. Rin hated seeing her mama in such agony. It made her sad. She snuggled deep in her mother's embrace, laying her head on her chest.
"Are you okay mama? Why are you sad?" she asked
Wiping the tears from her face, Serena tried to muster a smile to soothe Rin. She brushed the hair away from her face, cradling Rin's tiny face.
"I'm okay sweetheart" reassuring her and peeking Rin on the forehead "it was just a bad dream"
Serena glanced up at Sesshomaru who cocked an eyebrow at her. He knew it was not just a bad dream and wished to discuss it further. However he could not with Rin there, they tried to keep this as far from their daughter's view as possible. Allow her to have as normal of a childhood as possible, remain innocent for as long as she could.
"Koga" he began his gaze holding steady on Serena's face "can you the kids upstairs for a while?"
Rin protested, wanting to stay in her mother's embrace. Something was going on but no one was telling her anything, even Shippo. All she knew was that some bad man was trying to hurt her mama which made Daddy angry. Rin wanted him to go away. All he wanted was for her mama to smile more and her daddy not to look so worried. It made Rin sad.
"Rin" Sesshomaru said firmly placing a hand on her head "go with your uncle and aunt. Mama and Daddy need to talk"
Koga plucked Rin from Serena's arms and carried her upstairs. She pouted the entire way causing Sesshomaru to smirk at his daughter. Rin was so dramatic at times. As soon as they had left the room and he heard the door shut upstairs, Sesshomaru tilted Serena's head up to look at him.
"Now tell me," he said
Serena fumbled with her words not wanting to meet his gaze. The moment she told him, she knew his reaction. He would be mad. Mad that he couldn't protect her. Mad that Sion made her think he was lost to her. Made that she would be willing to sacrifice herself for him…actually, he'd probably be more than mad.
"Serena…" he began grasping her chin, raising her face to meet his "tell me what happened"
Sesshomaru had her small body straddling his lap. Her hands laying gently on his chest.
"I love you" she took a deep breath before continuing "you were gone. There was no breath in your lungs, no heartbeat in your chest. I couldn't wake you no matter how much I tried…you…you" her voice cracked as tears filled her eyes.
Gathering her up in his arms Sesshomaru pulled her flush to him. Her tiny body racked with sobs, her hands clutching his shirt and her face buried into his neck. A large hand traced up her spine gently, tangling his fingers in her hair. Sesshomaru rumbled deep in his chest sending the vibrations through her body, calming her. Her sobs subsided turning into soft sniffles.
'I will enjoy his death' he thought placing a soft kiss on his mate's forehead 'for every tear that has fallen from her beautiful eyes'
"Take a deep breath my love" he muttered rubbing her back coaching her through some deep breathing. Once calm he urged her to continue her retelling.
"I couldn't bring you back. I've never had a nightmare where you died, never. It was the most heartbreaking and devastating moment in my life. I never want to experience it again Sessh. I couldn't…I refuse to live without you. I love you more than myself" her blue eyes stared into his.
Pulling her face up to his, he kissed her passionately. Moving their lips in sync, Sesshomaru cradled her with body his hands. He pulled at his mark letting himself be washed in her love, feeling deep within his soul. The depth of her love for him was boundless. Slowly pulling away, he peppered her lips with light kisses. Her soft giggles filled the air, his favourite sound.
"I am very much alive my little star" Sesshomaru reassured her "and I have no plans on leaving your side now or ever. You and I will give Rin siblings, travel together and spend our lives together. You are stuck with me"
Serena sighed nodding her head. Feeling his warm body beneath her fingers and his heartbeat going steady in his chest brought the fear down. The fear that she would blink and he'd be gone. Like a quick snap of the fingers or the flick of a light switch.
"You spoke out in your sleep," he said after a few moments of silence, "you asked me for forgiveness…for a sacrifice. What sacrifice were you speaking about?"
Serena bit her lip and stammered
"When I thought you were gone…" she started bowing her head unable to meet his gaze "the stars gave me an option, a way to get you back. To Rin. To our family. I agreed so our daughter wouldn't lose her father, she'd been devastated…" trailing off
Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed, his grip tightening on her arms. What did she agree to?
"Serena…" he warned displeasure laced in his tone. Using her real name and not little star meant he was not pleased with her. She knew this was not going to be a pleasant conversation.
"I agreed to trade places with you. My life for yours" she said firmly "And I would do it again in a second"
A deep growl emitted from Sesshomaru, his eyes tinting red around the edges as his fangs lengthened and hung over his bottom lip.
"Serena Taisho…" he growled, "you promised what?!"
Sesshomaru felt the anger building inside him, what had she been thinking? Giving her life for his was beyond foolish. The very idea that she would sacrifice herself for him to then have to endure life without her? Not even a thought he would entertain. He could not imagine a world in which he had to continue without her, explain to Rin that her mother was gone and wake up every day without her in his arms.
"Sessh…" she started grimacing
"Do not start" he retorted "how could you think for even a moment that I would be okay with that choice?"
A large sigh escaped her lips, she tried to move out of his lap only to be abruptly pulled back into place. His arms holding her body in place, his grasp was tight but not enough to hurt her but enough to tell her not to push him.
"You are not avoiding this conversation, Serena. Now answer my question…why would you agree to such a proposal?" Sesshomaru demanded
Anger filled her body.
"What?" she angrily retorted "Because you are the love of my life! I don't know how to exist in a world you don't"
Serena ripped herself from his embrace, jumping to her feet and stomped away. She raked her fingers through her hairs and rubbed at her eyes. Whirling to face him, she started ranting.
"How could I look at our family, our daughter in the eye knowing how easily I could have saved you?" her words tumbling rapidly from her mouth "nothing makes sense without you Sesshomaru! Don't you get it by now? I can't…I can't breathe without you. Don't you understand?"
Her breathing became rapid and erratic. Her eyes filled with large tears threatening to roll down her face. Sesshomaru silently rose to his feet and walked over to his mate. Watching her ramble on about her justification. The anger that previously coursed through his veins dissipating as the words tumbled from her lips.
"How do I…how do I live without you? I can't even fathom that Sessh" Serena rambled on "I can't exist in a world where you don't"
Wordlessly Sesshomaru gathered the small blonde in his arms, grabbing her hand and placing it on his chest. Directly over his heartbeat.
"Breathe," he said firmly taking a deep breath in alongside her "and another"
Serena exhaled audibly, trying to calm her wild heartbeat. The very idea of losing him set her into a panicked tailspin.
"I am right here my love. Feel my heart beating" Sesshomaru continued pressing his mate's small hand into his chest "this one has no plans on ever leaving your side. It would take an act of the kami to remove this one from your side"
Serena's lip trembled and took another deep breath.
"I know it was a nightmare but I felt so unbelievably real and at that moment I…I thought you were gone"
Sesshomaru nuzzled the side of her nose with his.
"As much as I understand that my love, you cannot offer to trade places. Your life for mine" he grasped her chin firmly and stared into her eyes "you are more important, not only to this family but to the greater good. Am I clear?"
A heavy sigh escaped her lips and she hung her head.
"Sessh…" she began
He needed to understand that although it was highly unlikely that he'd die so suddenly. If it did happen there would be no hesitation. She'd give it up all up for him. Sesshomaru's loud growl stopped her.
"No…you will not am I clear?" he restated his voice deep.
"You are everything" she retorted "I cannot even think of a world where you are not by my side"
Squeezing her hand, he used his other to cradle her face.
"Then I shall never leave your side. No more talk of me dying or you dying or being apart alright?" he reasoned
Serena just nodded and smiled softly.
"Good" Sesshomaru responded as his person towered over her. His one arm drew her closer and he closed the gap between them. Leaning down he captured her lips. They moved their lips in sync with one another as the outside world fell away. When Sesshomaru kissed her, it reduced her anxiety and stopped the noise in her mind. His lips left her feeling at peace and breathless.
Serena moan softly and clutched at his shirt trying to pull herself closer. Sesshomaru used his other arm to lift her body up so she could wrap her legs around his waist. Taking a few steps forward she felt her back pushed against the wall. Pinning her between the wall and her mate. Serena was completely at his mercy and she loved it. She pushed her body against his to show him that she was his entirely. Sesshomaru's beast trembled at the thought of her surrendering her life for his. He needed to feel their connection at the deepest level.
Serena could feel his lips move from her lips down her neck and bite into her mark. She gasped slightly and his claws dug into her ass holding her in place. As he bit into her mark, Serena could feel his anger, sadness and pain over her confession. How the notion of waking up to find that she had sacrificed herself for him would devastate him. He would have lost complete control, giving over to his baser instincts out of grief. It shocked Serena. To be able to feel his emotions this way, she had never felt closer to him.
"Oh Sessh…" she whispered "I'm sorry"
Sesshomaru pulled away from her mark, a bit of her blood trailing down his chin. He looked at her quizzically, what was she referring to?
"I'm so sorry Sessh" she repeated, her fingers brushing the sides of his face "I didn't realize you were feeling all that…"
"You felt my emotions?" Sesshomaru inquired looking confused
Did he not know that? When he bit into her mark, she had become overwhelmed by what he was feeling. The only other times he had bit her had been during sex when her own emotions had been so high, she hadn't noticed.
"Yes…" she replied tilting her head to the side "did you know that?"
Serena wiped her blood from his chin letting her hands come to rest on the sides of his face. Sesshomaru stared down at his mate confused. Serena said she had felt his emotions, felt his pain at the idea of losing her and the anger at her for even contemplating trading places with him. Of course Sesshomaru had felt her emotions for him; the love and adoration she had for him but only when he pulled at her mark.
"No" he began "I've only been able to feel what you feel when I pull at your mating mark"
His fingers gently brushed against her mating mark, wiping away the blood.
"I did not think it was possible for you to feel what I feel" he continued
Serena shook her head incredulously
"How?" she questioned wishing she could his love for her.
He mused for a moment "I will inquire with father"
Leaning forward, he nuzzled the side of her face causing Serena to sigh happily
"Either way I'm happy I got to feel what you feel, even just for a moment. Though I wish it wasn't those emotions"
Serena tilted her head up and kissed his face softly. Sesshomaru leaned into her gentle kiss closing his eyes and letting a quiet moan escape his lips. The brush of her hand and the feel of her lips on his skin always brought him a sense of peace.
"You wish to feel how boundless my love for you is?" he inquired opening his eyes to gaze into her blue eyes "let me wash you in it"
Sesshomaru tilted her head to the side and kissed her mark letting his lips linger momentarily before biting it again. Suddenly Serena felt all his emotions for a second time. Yet this time it wasn't pain or anger rather unconditional love. It washed over her life a Tsunami, hitting her like a thousand bricks.
Serena gasped and clutched at the back of his neck holding him tightly. Tears sprung to her eyes as she relished in this new feeling. His love for her felt all-seeing and accepting. His love saw all her flaws and blemishes and accepted them. His love accepted her bad habits and mannerisms and worked around them. His love recognized all her fears and insecurities. Knowing his role was to comfort and love her. His love worked through all their challenges and painful times. His love was strong and it strengthened daily because it was real. Serena sniffled as Sesshomaru retracted his fangs. Gently he licked the side of her neck, sealing his bite.
"Now you understand the depth of my love for you" he whispered holding her close "it is endless"
Serena grabbed his face and kissed him passionately.
"Sessh" she replied pulling away "to feel, physically feel your love for me is something I cannot explain. Is this what it feels like?"
A small smile graced his face
"Yes, my little star" he replied brushing the hair out of her face and tucking it behind her ear. His fingers trailing across her jaw leaving goosebumps in their wake before continuing "It is like being washed in your love every time. I can feel it in my soul at the deepest parts of it"
A brilliant smile broke out on her face between pulling him in for another kiss. They got lost in one another. Their hands moving across each other's bodies, the air heating up with their need for one another.
"Mama? Daddy?" a small voice interrupted their heated moment. The pair broke apart panting and looked over to see Rin standing in the doorway, her brown eyes wide and sad. Ayame stood blushing behind her.
"Someone couldn't wait any longer," she said
Sesshomaru released Serena letting her body slide down his, back onto her feet. Looking at his dishevelled mate, he made a note to have his way with her later. Slipping under her mate's arm. Serena knelt down and opened her arms.
"Come here, sweet girl"
Rin ran into her mother's arms and wrapped her short arms around her neck.
"Are you okay mama?" Rin whispered
Easily lifting her, Serena held Rin close. She rubbed her back and rocked her side to side. Sesshomaru stood behind them with one hand resting on each of his girls.
"Oh yes sweet girl" Serena reassured her "mama just had a bad dream that's all and Daddy was making her feel better"
Rin rested her head on Serena's shoulder in response looking up at her father
"Daddy did you make mama warm milk tea?" she questioned innocently
The question caused Sesshomaru and Serena to chuckle. Ayame laughed in the background
"Yea something like that" Ayame answered giggling the entire time. Sesshomaru just kissed Rin's head.
"We came also because our spa team is here" Ayame continued from the doorway. Although she hadn't wanted to interrupt the couple's moment, her sister needed this. Needed this time to relax and recover from the sheer exhaustion of trying to maintain some semblance of sanity. Even from where she stood, she could see how drawn out she was. Ayame felt for her, wishing she could do more than offer facials and massages.
"Give me Rin little star" Sesshomaru stated reaching around her to remove their daughter. Serena let him take her but not before peppering her little face with kisses.
"But Daddy! I wanna stay with mama" complained Rin, her little lip trembling as she pouted.
Laughing lightly, Serena took a pouting Rin and placed her on her hip. A shocked Sesshomaru scowled playfully.
"You don't wish to spend time with your father?" he questioned narrowing his eyes. Rin's little hand patted him on the cheek lightly.
"Later Daddy" Rin reassured her father as Serena and Ayame snickered "first spa time with mama and auntie then you can colour with me"
Crossing his arms, Sesshomaru glowered at his daughter and giggling mate.
"How generous…" he grumbled
Pressing her lips to his cheek, Serena tried to stifle her laughter at her greatly unimpressed mate. In this one instance of time, she felt normal and it was nice.
"Aww don't pout Sessh" walking away with Rin and Ayame.
Sesshomaru watched her swaying hips and made a note to smack it for laughing at him.
The girls could be heard laughing down the hallway leaving a scowling daiyokai in their wake.