Dear Alice, You won't have to worry about me much longer. I'm going to be strong enough to stop emailing you one day, just cold turkey. I don't think any of you understand what real loneliness feels like. You move to city to city, but you all have each other. You left me by myself. I don't blame you guys anymore for my unhappiness. Trust is such a fickle thing, and your whole family leaving, without a trace, without a goodbye, just proves it isn't something I ever had with any of you. My heart, the hole in my chest, it hurts Alice. I'm not sure what caused it, your family's disappearance, Edward's last words, or something that was always there inside me, waiting for an opportunity to let itself be known. Did you think I would for forget you by now? I know this, I'm tired of living this way. Maybe I'll be strong enough to send this email for the last time. Edward was wrong though. It isn't like you were never here. Goodbye, Alice.

-Bella

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Bella groaned, rolling over blearily searching for her phone. The bright screen assaulted her eyes as she glimpsed the time, just past noon. Her arm flopped uselessly back to the bed. Her brain rushed to catch her up on last night's events. Bella sighed deeply and closed her eyes against the sunlight streaming through her window.

Last night couldn't have been a worse way to end the week. She stupidly had gotten drunk and almost seriously injured, without Leah who knows what would have happened. Bella's eyes shot open and she struggled to untangle her legs as she attempted to get out of bed. She stumbled downstairs and opened the front door, relief flooded her as she saw her truck parked in the driveway. Confusion filled her as she considered the night's events. If Leah drove her home in her own truck, then where was Leah?

Bella made her way into the kitchen, pouring herself a cup of coffee left over from her father. Her head was pounding and she couldn't think entirely straight but that was okay in her opinion. Thinking wasn't the highest on her to-do list. Drowning the cold coffee made her realize just how thirsty she was. In no time at all she'd downed two glasses of water and was back in bed, falling fast asleep. Bella was too comfortable to realize that the hole in her heart was curiously absent.

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Bella sat with her feet dangling far above the water's reach. Her toes in question numb with cold, the brisk chilled wind having done its number moments after she'd removed her socks. Snowflakes twisted into her hair, some lucky enough to go dancing into her eyes. Her breath came out n billowing white clouds, hanging in the air with a mysterious timelessness before drifting away.

She closed her eyes, her hands pressed into hard rock beneath her, past the snow and the frost, she could feel the crispness of the last surviving grass crumpled beneath her fingers. The wind was strong enough to make the world transform into a place of never ending whispers and whistles. Bella opened her eyes and leaned forwards, staring past the cliff she sat on, past the ocean and sea of expansive space. Her head tilted to the side, her face upturned to consider the story clouds and imminent storm. Indeed, already the presence of thick and heavy snowflakes, the kind that hugged you until you were entirely covered were present in the gray afternoon.

The wind was only interrupted by the buzzing emanating from her pocket. Bella fumbled with her jeans for a moment, her frozen hands making it difficult to maneuver anything.

"Hello?" She answered, holding the trembling phone flush with her face in an effort to stabilize it.

"Bella thank god! You were supposed to be here two hours ago, why haven't you been answering your phone I was really worried, I was about to send the cavalry out for you." The relief was so evident in her voice that it felt like a knife stabbed directly into her stomach. Disappointment rushed through her, somehow, some way, she'd hoped that it would have been Alice on the line, cursing her foolishness of decisions, and pleading her to back off the ledge, to go home to Charlie and wait for them there. That they were coming back to her, finally.

"I'm sorry Emily, it seems as though I've lost track of time. I slept in since Charlie is off in the city." Her voice was calm, even, and measured.

"Oh- are you home?" Emily asked, there was something there, an edge maybe but Bella wasn't really in the right state of mind to sort the oddness out.

"Yes, just finished up a late breakfast, I'm just cleaning up now. Sorry for making you call, I think with the storm and everything I'll stay in today. It's already snowing pretty heavily.

"It's already snowing there? I figured since the coast is pushing the snow, La Push would get it first." An edge was definitely there now. Bella shrugged in indifference, before realizing that a verbal response was needed for Emily on the other end of the line. It wasn't like she watched the weather channel for details.

"How strange then. Hey, Emily. I know I've been a bit of a rollercoaster, but I wanted to thank you for being there for me. You've done a lot for me and I appreciate it all."

"Bella…" The voice practically leaped out of the phone with fear. "Are you having a bad day today?"

Bella laughed, the first true laugh to pass her lips since he'd gone. "Emily, I'm having the best day of life. Or at least, I'm going to. Goodbye Emily. Thank you." She cut of the confused questioning of her concerned friend.

Bella smiled at the churning water far below her. Ever since that night on the beach, the hole in her heart tore open larger and faster than she'd ever experienced. Too ashamed to return to La Push after the bonfire incident, Emily came to her, but seeing Emily didn't close the gaping hole in her heart like it used to. Avoiding the reservation like the plague meant that even seeing Emily became farther and fewer in between. At night, she would lie in her bed staring at the window she still kept open, her body restless, urging her to do something, but she wasn't sure what.

One night she couldn't take it anymore, and she threw herself into her beaten up truck while it roared to life. She took to the streets, but rather than find herself at the Cullen's again, she found herself parked in front of the La Push border sign. Her hands gripped the steering wheel, angry puffs of breath clouding the air in front of her. A tumble of emotion threatening the life of her. She struggled with the door, her booted feet crunching the gravel beneath them. Despite the fury and action that brought her here, all those strong reassuring emotions fled her. She timidly took a step towards the sign, then another. Her hand reached out to touch the sign, shaking. Cold metal pressed against her fingertips, and she let out the puff of air she'd been holding.

"What are you doing Swan?" Bella jumped in fear, twisting towards the voice and tangling her feet which caused her to trip backwards and fall.

Bella groaned, she had landed on her bad wrist again. The crunch of gravel, and then hands on her arms, lifting her up and setting her on her feet. The hands checked her wrist gently, turning it over and rubbing the inside of her wrist with their thumb. "Just can't keep yourself out of trouble can you Swan?" Leah said softly.

Bella sputtered an apology, mentioning Emily and visiting. She looked up to meet Leah's eyes, her features in sharp contrast thanks her truck's headlights. They were soft, so unlike what Bella was used to with her. They seemed to embrace her, pleading with her about something. A soft smile graced Leah's lips. Bella's breath caught in her throat. She leaned in, warmth practically washing over her. She was beautiful. Just like that, as if Leah could hear her thoughts, her eyes changed again, to hard flecks of ice, a frown appeared full of judgmental fortitude, and the Leah she knew was back.

Leah let go of her wrist and took several steps back. She seemed angry now, and irritated. "Why do you keep coming here Swan? These are not your people. Emily is not yours. Do you think she likes playing babysitter to you?"

Bella shook her head, confused. "I don't know what you are talking about. Emily is the sweetest person I know. I don't even know you Leah, why do you care?"

"I care because you are bothering everyone. Coming to our parties, getting in trouble. Just because your father is police chief doesn't mean you can throw your weight around."

Bella was even more confused now, the last vestiges of warmth leaving nothing but the cold in its wake. "My father? This has nothing to do with him."

"Oh really? Why do you think Emily tries to take care of you? You father is so worried about you he has practically the entire town watching out for you, babying you! But poor miss Bella, too sad, too weak to notice how much a burden you are to everyone around you!" Leah was screaming now, her entire body shaking, she was wincing and shaking her head in what Bella assumed was anger.

Each word was like a knife. The worst part of it all, is that it was true. Everyone was watching out for her, handling her with kid gloves. Her father was worried for her, and what did she do? What could she do, for any of them? She was a waste. She crumpled in on herself, her face lined with misery.

"That's another problem Swan, you are too weak." Leah was close to her now, her warmth dangerously reaching for her. "You refuse to stand up to anyone, even when it matters, even if it is all lies, not even for yourself." A hand gripped her upper arm, practically burning her, pushing her towards the car, into her seat. Leah placed her hands on the wheel firmly. "If you can't even stand up for yourself, how can you expect to be good enough to protect other people, or god forbid, be good enough for someone else to protect you." Leah buckled her in, and slammed the door. She leaned into the window, reaching to turn the key, and the truck roared to life. Her voice was low, a whisper in her ear. "Don't come back here unless you can do that Swan. Otherwise, there is nothing for you here."

The words whispered in her ear now, even as the wind whispered and whistled for her. Bella struggled to her feet, and crept slowly to the edge. Looking down now, she wasn't sure the impact on the waves would kill her. With the wind and snow, the cold and choppy waves would overwhelm her. She'd read that drowning was easier than most other deaths. Just inhale, and wait for the panic to leave your body. That's how you know you're almost there. No more Mike or comforting Charlie, or having Emily babysit her out of the kindness of her heart. No more of him. Edward. No more holes in the middle of her chest. Leah was right, but there would be no more Leah either.

Bella took a deep breath, one of the last ones she would take. It stung her throat and lungs. She smiled, the season was on her side. How fitting that her last moments were representative of her last months. Biting and painful. She clenched and unclenched her hands. It was time.

Bella stepped out into the void.

She plunged.

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TheQuillDragon here. I know it has been a while, but I just can't stay away. Please enjoy these two new chapters, and thank you for being such loyal readers.