A/N: I've been kind of distracted as I write this, but I hope this chapter is to your satisfaction. Things get a little more interesting in this one, and we sadly see a lot of Loki hating himself, but there are some good things in this chapter too. Besides, the Thorki actually begins to become somewhat of an idea of a thing here, so...Yeah okay I'm gonna shut up now.
Disclaimer: Do I even have to put this anymore? Marvel/Disney's. Not mine.
4. Still Enough
The she-wolf came to watch him the next two nights. Loki went to the exact same spot both times, and both times, he could scent her on the air as she settled down in the trees behind him. She didn't bother him, so he didn't confront her. He was a lone wolf to the core, though he had once caught a stray thought of hers calling him an alpha. He didn't contradict her; so far, she still didn't know that he knew of her existence, and of her scrutiny.
He couldn't place the voice, either. Granted, most werewolves that kept their sentient minds had a mind-voice that sounded different than their normal voice, but Loki had encountered other wolves that he could recognize the voices of. The she-wolf's fur was of interest as well; russet-colored, yes, but leaning more towards the bright reddish-orange of Natasha Romanoff's hair. But it couldn't be her; she would have figured out the wolf she was stalking was Loki the first night if it had been Natasha.
The third night, he'd leaped back up the Tower and through his window, curled up as a wolf on his bed, and then let the transformation happen, leaving him exhausted as an Asgardian once more. He then heard a knock at his door and looked over, confused; who could be calling on him at this time of night?
Loki cursed under his breath very colorfully in Russian as he rolled himself out of bed and back to his feet, longing to be on four paws again - it was easier on the transformation days than walking as he normally did - and went to the door. Opening it, he discovered none other than Thor.
"What do you want, Thor?" Loki grumbled, doing his best imitation of someone who'd just been woken from sleep. It wasn't hard - the transformation always left him exhausted.
"I...heard movement," lied Thor. Loki could tell - Thor had never been a great liar.
"Don't lie," Loki sighed. "You're absolutely abysmal at it."
Thor started to protest, but appeared to think better of it. Loki sighed again.
"Why are you really here, Thor?" Loki asked. "What do you want?"
Thor shifted awkwardly. "Can I come in?"
Loki eyed him suspiciously, once more quite grateful for yet another difference between Jotunwolves and most other werewolves: the fact that when he transformed, his clothes merely melted into his fur instead of exploding off like they did with most wolves. "If you must," he said finally, stepping aside to allow the Thunderer in.
Thor brushed past him; Loki bristled at the slight touch. Thor apologized under his breath. Loki relaxed. He'd always hated it when people touched him, but it had only gotten worse after New York. That may have had something to do with what exactly had gone down in the Void...especially once Thanos had found out that he was a werewolf...
No. Loki refused to let his thoughts stray down that path, somewhat afraid they'd accidentally lead him back to the Chitauri. Whatever the mental link had been, it must have been a side effect of the Stone - but that didn't mean Loki wasn't afraid. He was afraid that there was something other than the wolf, which had gone back to sleep now that his three transformation nights were over, buried deep inside him, coiled like a sleeping snake, ready to strike the moment it was awoken.
He hoped it would never be awoken.
Thor eyed the open window, drawing Loki back out of his thoughts. "What were you doing?"
Loki glared at him. "I can't enjoy the fresh night air now?"
Thor eyed him suspiciously. "Something tells me that's not all you were doing."
Loki rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath in Russian: "Боги. Вы действительно идиот." [Gods. You really are an idiot.]
"What?" Thor asked. Loki sighed and rolled his eyes again.
"идиот," Loki muttered again. [Idiot.] "I thought I allowed you in here so you could tell me what exactly you were doing at my door."
Thor shifted. Loki sighed yet again. Gods. Thor seemed to be liking being difficult tonight.
"Thor. I'm tired, and I don't want to be talking to you, so just say what you came to say and get out," Loki told him irritably.
Thor shifted again, then finally spoke. "I wanted to talk to you about the day we arrived."
Loki raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"When I said that some of the others didn't think you deserved - what'd you call it, basic human decency? - you froze, and then walked off blaming yourself. I wanted to talk to you sooner, but Natasha wouldn't let me." Thor looked at him, concern in his crystalline eyes. "Are you okay?"
Loki's defenses went up immediately. "I'm fine."
"You weren't acting fine," pressed Thor. "Loki, I've never seen you look so hurt, not even after you found out about your heritage. Granted, then I didn't know what in the Nine Realms you were upset about, but still."
"Oh, so it's my heritage now, is it?" Loki snapped, traces of the wolf showing through, so glaringly obviously that Loki wondered for a moment if Thor could actually tell. "You won't even say it. You won't say it, because you know I'm a monster. You won't say it, because you know I'm not like you, that I can never be like you. You won't say it -"
"You're a Jotun," Thor interrupted him. Loki cut off abruptly, startled but trying not to show it; the briefest flicker of surprise showed on his face before he quickly schooled his features back to neutral. "And you're not a monster, Loki."
Loki turned away; if only he knew. "I am a monster."
"You're not, Loki. You're not a monster, and the very fact that you think you are worries me," Thor implored.
Loki turned back to him, sharply. "Вас беспокоит?! Нет, Тор, я не верю этому ни на секунду!" [Worries you?! No, Thor, I don't believe that for a second!]
Thor looked at him blankly; Loki realized he'd spoken in Russian and cursed under his breath, also in Russian.
"Worries you?" Loki repeated, in English this time. "No, Thor, I don't believe that for a second. You've never worried about me, never truly cared. In all our centuries of life, not once have you done anything to show me you cared! And who would? Who would care about a monster like me?"
"Loki -" Thor tried to protest.
"Get out," Loki told him. "Just get out."
Thor hesitated, his bright blue eyes somewhat dim and filled with pain as he gazed at his not-brother. Then he turned and left, finding nothing but ferocity in Loki's emerald gaze.
The door shut softly behind him; Loki buried his face in his hands, then lifted his head and ran a hand through his hair distractedly. He hadn't meant to go off on Thor like that.
Gods. He was a mess. He had to wonder if it was just a side effect of his transformation days or if it was something else entirely.
Another knock came at his door. Loki ran a hand through his hair again and sighed dramatically. "Go away, Thor!" He knew he sounded like he was about six, or sixty in Asgardian terms, but right now he was too frazzled to care much.
"Хорошо. Ты выглядишь раздраженным." [Well. You sound annoyed.]
He knew that voice. Natasha.
Loki turned back and opened the door to reveal a tired-looking Natasha, in a black tank top and gray pajama pants, standing there still with a slight smirk on her face despite her red hair being messy and the obvious shadows under her eyes.
"Я раздражен," Loki sighed. [I am annoyed.]
Natasha didn't press. Yet. "Не мог уснуть?" she asked. [Couldn't sleep?]
Loki shook his head. "Даже не пробовал. Я плохо сплю в эти дни." [Haven't even tried. I don't sleep well these days.]
Natasha leaned against the doorframe. "Я могу представить. Что тебя так раздражает на Тор?" she inquired. [I can imagine. What's got you so annoyed at Thor?]
"Он...пытался объяснить мне мою реакцию на то, что он сказал. Я не хотел говорить. Возможно, я на него огрызнулся," Loki admitted. [He...tried to confront me about my reaction to something he said. I didn't want to talk. I may have snapped at him.]
Natasha raised an eyebrow. "Может, на него накричал?" [May have snapped at him?]
Loki glared halfheartedly at her. "Хорошо. Я полностью на него огрызнулся." [Fine. I totally snapped at him.]
"Вы собираетесь извиниться?" Natasha asked. [You planning on apologizing?]
"Да," sighed Loki, "но не сегодня вечером. Я изможден." [Yes, but not tonight. I'm exhausted.]
Natasha nodded. "Да. Я тоже. Выследи его завтра и извинись. Мне не нравится видеть, как вы двое ссоритесь." [Yeah. So am I. Track him down tomorrow and apologize. I don't like seeing the two of you fighting.]
Loki raised an eyebrow at her. "Если вы не возражаете, я спрашиваю, почему?" he asked. [If you don't mind my asking, why?]
Natasha smirked at him as she stood straight and turned to head back to her room. "Потому что, Локи," she said. "Вы видели, как он на вас смотрит?" [Because, Loki. Have you seen the way he looks at you?]
With that, she departed before Loki could draw breath to answer.
Loki shook his head and shut the door to his room with a sigh. The wolf in him, which had lain dormant the entire time, now seemed to perk up again, as if it knew Loki was alone once more. Loki wasn't sure; it might. The wolf had a separate consciousness, as was the case for all wolves, but in Loki's case it was more pronounced. On the hunt nights, the wolf seemed alive, as if it were an entirely separate being instead of one bound to a Jotun Asgardian.
"Alright," Loki told it. "Alright. Just let me change into pajamas first so if anyone checks on me in the morning they won't wonder."
The wolf growled silently, but let him. Loki changed into the pajamas, then collapsed on his bed, staring up at the ceiling for a moment before sitting up on his knees and turning around.
"Go on," he told the wolf.
The transformation was almost instant, and the minute it was complete Loki settled contentedly with his head on his paws. The moonlight shone brightly onto his icy fur, and as he closed eyes that were the same shade of green as his normal ones, Loki thought that what he'd said to Thor was, in a way, true:
He was a monster, just not in the way Thor thought he meant.
With that troubling thought, Loki fell asleep.
The she-wolf went back to the clearing the next night. The ice-furred alpha wasn't there.
Odd. She leaped up onto his rock and sniffed around; the only scent of him was stale, from the night before.
If he wasn't here, then where was he? she wondered, her ear twitching a little. Her dim green eyes cast around sharply, looking for any sign of him. Nothing.
Was he from another of the Asgardians' Nine Realms, then? she wondered. Where werewolves were different? If so, how had he ended up on Earth?
And more importantly, why hadn't he gone back to where he was from?
This she-wolf really has no clue, does she? *grins* Don't worry, I'll reveal her identity eventually, as Loki figures it out. Sorry this chapter was kind of short, and the Russian conversation was...interesting...?...but it needed to be kind of a transition chapter, from Loki's wolf days to when he can go back to focusing on trying to amend fences between himself and the Avengers. Don't worry, the Thorki is coming, just...slowly. As always, please leave a review!