StillBarkingMad: thank you so much! I am flattered you like my story.
Guest: Oh wow, thank you for the thoughtful and kind review! I really appreciate it. In my professional line of work I have to spend time with a lot of men (and sometimes women) who behave like this version of Kylo Ren. They are extremely toxic and abusive. I think writing this fic is how I process that. Anyways, a thousand thank yous again!
ToughSpirit: I'm not sure how you will feel about the next few chapters - I really did go the opposite direction with these two in terms of romance! Thanks for reviewing :)
TL;DR: This chapter is just Rey's POV.
Rey does not believe she is out of his grasp until she feels Rose's warm arms embrace her.
"Glad you could join us Rey!" Poe's chipper voice rings from the front of the ship. He works hard to keep them alive as he maneuvers the craft. His unrelenting optimism is admirable.
And of course, Rey thinks, Poe would be the one to excel at navigating through the trees so effortlessly. She watches the damned planet below fade as they ascend higher into space.
Rey has no time for lengthy reunions.
"Poe," she bursts into the cockpit, "we need to escape at lightspeed. We need to get out of here now. "
The ship lurches around the First Order's flagship, firing at will as TIE fighters swoop around them.
Rey cannot savor her rescue until she is far from his reach. Distance is all that matters.
"Hang on Rey, first we gotta take out these…."
"No! Please, please, we have to get away from here!" Rey is about to lean over and take control of the ship herself.
Rose and Poe both pause at the hysterical urgency they hear in her voice. They exchange a glance. Rose shoots Poe a pressing look.
"Yeah sure, no problem Rey," Poe activates his comlink and delegates orders to the other resistance ships. He informs them he is on a rescue mission and the survivor needs to be evacuated far from the First Order.
From Kylo Ren.
Rey.
His voice purrs through the force.
I'm coming for you.
She desperately tries to shut him out.
You can't run from me. I will fight for you and win.
Chills prickle down her spine. Rey can't believe she ever felt safe with him.
"Let's do this BB-8!" The droid whirrs in agreement with Poe as they launch to lightspeed. "Alright, that's a clean escape!" Poe hollers as they propel through space.
Rey blindly reaches for a seat and collapses into it.
It is not a clean escape. Not for her.
She calculates she did not feel it earlier because it was too soon, but she is certain of it now. The piece of him he left inside her takes hold and thrives. Kylo Ren gains one massive win over her: she is pregnant. Rey wrestles with wanting to crawl inside herself and dig it out. She wrestles with wanting to protect it from him.
She feels neglectful for not having the implant. For not tracking her cycle more accurately. For trusting him as he whispered into her neck that he wouldn't come inside. Worse, for not calling him out when he did because she was just happy to be with Ben.
The list is long.
Rey tries to tell herself it will be okay. That in the forest they made this new life out of love. It was when she loved him and he...Rey's shoulders start to shake again with silent sobs.
He never loved her.
Nothing about his behavior has been loving.
She refuses to dwell on how viscerally Kylo shattered her heart from the moment she entered the throne room to find them all laughing at her.
Ben Solo is lost and she spent too long in the hands of an unhinged mad-man who calls himself Kylo Ren.
Rey is not sure how to explain any of this when Rose sits down next to her and holds her for a long time. As she pulls back Rose reaches for Rey's neck and curiously pulls back the tunic.
"What is that?"
Rey's hand flies to her neck and fingers the gold necklace. The tracking device. In a frenzy she pulls and scratches at her throat in an attempt to remove it.
"Help me get this off!"
Rose is on it. She needs no further encouragement.
"I've had it with Kylo fucking Ren," Rose grunts as she uses sheers to cut the necklace in two. It takes a considerable amount of effort.
"Want me to dump this and ask Poe to hit lightspeed again?"
"Yes," Rey sighs, her relief palpable that Rose seems to know exactly what to do. Rey is beyond grateful for Rose. No judgement, no chastising her for believing Kylo was truly on the path to redemption. There is not a hint of I told you not to go after him in Rose's eyes or her tone.
As the craft enters another system Rey reclines onto the small bench that doubles as a bed.
Rose stands by her side.
"You know being captured wasn't your fault. Anything he did is not your fault," she says softly. Rose squeezes Rey's shoulder and leaves to respond to BB-8's beeps.
She is grateful all over again for her friend's sensitivity.
Rose does not know how close Kylo Ren came to breaking her. How close he came to making her feel like he owned her.
Rey wipes her eyes.
She concentrates, as she did in the fresher, on her body.
Rey feels it - the little life pulsing inside. It does not feel dark or light - just pure, innocent, and unknowing of the legacies and familial ties he or she descends from. The baby does not know it's mother is a scavenger from nowhere, that it's father is one of the most abhorrent and powerful men in the galaxy.
Rey knows the second she thinks of it as a baby that she is going to keep it.
She knows she does not have to. Kylo will pursue them ruthlessly.
It dawns on her that it may be merciful to extinguish the life rather than place him or her in danger. She can't.
She is going to keep the baby.
Rey also refuses to put a knife through her own heart and place her child in someone else's care.
She will not hide, will not let Kylo coerce or bully her. She will not cloister herself away or allow this pregnancy to shame her. Her friends are her family and they will protect her. They will help her.
Kylo Ren can watch as his child is raised within the resistance - by good and kind people.
She will deprive Kylo of the role he desperately seeks: Father.
He is not worthy.