Guysss thank you for such kind and supportive reviews! I have never in my life updated a story so quickly. This is not the usual me lol. I do not know anymore how many chapters this fic will be but I *do* have the final chapter written and completed.
StillBarkingMad - I find that idea so fascinating! This chapter is a bit mellow since they are separate, but you know that won't last long.
ToughSpirit - I agree. As a romantic reylo myself, this trainwreck is weird to write but addictive.
Guest - Thank you for such wonderful feedback! I decided around chapter 3 to commit to a dark Kylo Ren completely (I couldn't be wishy washy) or it would not work :). I do have an endgame for this Kylo, and I hope you guys like it.
TL;DR: Chap 12 is mostly Rey's POV with some Kylo. I consider this a calm chapter before more shit hits the fan.
Rey opens her eyes and feels rested for the first time in weeks.
The tension she has been carrying slowly evaporates. She sits up and rubs her eyes before taking in her surroundings. She hears faint noises: muffled voices, clangs, droids, soldiers returning from Dathomir. The hatch to the ship is open, and she peers down the long ramp that leads outside. A pang hits her heart when she sees the surviving resistance soldiers arriving in multiple shuttles, whooping at their return, embracing each other and their friends.
She hopes not too many lives were lost on Dathomir. Rey's attention diverts when the fresher door opens. Rose offers a small side smile.
"You okay?" Rose comes to her side. "Poe and I decided you could use the sleep."
"I'm fine." Rey pauses. Her voice betrays her; she sounds hoarse and hurt. Not all right. Her heart beats frantic within her ribcage. Rose quirks a brow.
"You sure? Look...Poe isn't around if that's what you're worried about. Tell me what's going on."
Rose talks like she knows. Rey wonders if she is that transparent. More likely, Rose can put two and two together.
Everyone knows what happens to women caught in war. The weapons men use.
"Ah…there is something I need to tell you." Rey wishes a script existed for this.
"Go ahead. I'm here for you. Take as long as you need." Rose reaches for her hand in support.
Rey can't do this.
She can't. But she needs to. Waiting will make it worse.
"Rose, I'm pregnant. Kylo Ren is the...it's his. He's the reason I'm pregnant."
There. Like a dead weight, Rey throws the information into the open. Rey worries Rose might vomit when she gags in shock.
"Oh my god... oh my god. Okay, okay," Rose's hand covers her mouth. In a few steps she reaches the control panel to her left and begins punching buttons.
"I am so, so sorry Rey. I will contact medic right now. They can get you in right away, I'm sure of it. And there are groups too, you know? For women who have been through what you've..." her voice quakes angrily, "I can't believe what that fucking monster did to you."
It is not a surprise to Rey that Rose comes to the conclusion that Kylo raped her. That word - it is so vulgar, so graphic. She did not want to think Kylo could be capable of rape.
Rey thinks about how he treated her when she offered to go to bed with him. How much it contrasts to their lovemaking in the forest. His smooth way of asking her if she is okay, of telling her he cares, all while actively disregarding her requests. Doing whatever he wants, taking whatever he wants. Using her body for his fantasies.
Rey thinks she escaped him just in time.
And now she has to make a choice. It is easier to say the baby was forced on her, but Rey has never been a liar.
How to explain their past relationship?
No one alive knows about their force bond. No one knows she and Kylo have communicated throughout the entire war. Rey bites her lip - "communicate" may be a strong term. It is only in the last year he managed to gain her sympathy, her empathy. Until Rose came to rescue them, no one knew she agreed to meet him in secret. No one knows about the elevator kiss, about the heated tension that exists between them.
The former tension.
Rey will never forgive him.
She shifts back to the present.
"Rose, I...ah, I don't need to go to medic," Rey feels her face grow hot.
"What? Rey, why? Are you nervous? I'll go with you."
Rey finds it hard to swallow. She just needs to say it.
"I want to keep it."
She cannot stand the pity that fills Rose's face.
"Rey," Rose speaks passionately, "I know the Jedi code values life but you don't need to do this to yourself. No one would think badly of you. You have nothing to prove. No one even needs to know."
Rey did not give much thought as to what exactly she was going to say. Then again, she never expected to find herself in this position. She never expected to be 22 years old and pregnant in the middle of a galactic war with Kylo Ren's baby.
She's angry at him all over again.
"Kylo and I…" his name burns in her throat. She wants to say Ben. "Kylo and I were together by choice. That night in the forest I really did think he was leaving the Order. I thought he was Ben Solo."
Rey glances around to ensure they are alone.
"Kylo and I are able to communicate through the force. It grew stronger after I found Luke Skywalker. Neither of us can explain it. Sometimes, if we want, we can see each other - touch each other."
Rose cringes and Rey knows why.
"Touch each other? So you've...slept with him before? This whole time? While he's been bombing countless planets?" Rose looks stricken.
Rey is horrified.
"No! God, no. I use it to distract him, to call him away from the resistance bases. We would chase each other..." Rey's voice trails off.
A terrible realization blooms in her mind.
Her intentions to call Kylo away from whatever deadly plot he tries to carry out have always been genuine. His bloodlust, his violence, his domination are unacceptable. But Rey cannot deny the way they pursued each other from planet to planet felt like a game. A twisted, dark foreplay that they engaged in until he took it too far.
Rose does not read the realization in Rey's eyes. She only stares, brows knitted together.
"I don't understand, Rey."
Rey twists her hands together.
"Ah, I think there's - there's been something between us for a while. Kind of - something more than a force bond. He's shown me kindness before, on Ahch-To. He kissed me on Snoke's flagship…"
"What? "
"I never thought I would kiss him once, let alone twice. Rose, please hear me out. I do not condone or love Kylo Ren. He lied to me in the forest. I would have never slept with him otherwise."
Rey knows she is rambling. She's repeating herself, she's all over the place, all out of sequence. Is she calling him Kylo or Ben? Does she sound crazy? She knows when she speaks quickly her accent scrambles her words. She has never talked aloud about her and Kylo before. It shows.
Deep concern is etched into Rose's face.
"Are you sure this isn't some kind of extreme defense mechanism? Did he use the force to, I don't know, cast a spell over you? Can the force do that?"
Rey wishes she could say yes. Make this easier.
"No," she frowns, "I grew to care for him on my own. But Rose, I don't feel for him like that anymore. He is absolutely lost to the dark side."
"You think?" Rose says, "He is the Supreme Leader Kylo Ren - ever heard of him? Biggest asshole in the galaxy? We've been fighting him the past few years in case you haven't noticed. It would have been nice to know you had an 'in' with him the entire time."
"Right," Rey whispers, blinking back tears.
"And you disapprove of him, but you've been talking to him in secret. You fight with him, but never with the intent to strike him down once and for all. You hate him, but you want to have his baby. You're one of the resistance's top leaders. People look up to you. What the hell, Rey?"
Rey's inner turmoil churns. What the hell indeed. How did she think this was going to go? That the resistance was going to pop open a bottle of Bespin Fizz and congratulate her?
She sees that Rose is crying too.
"Hey! You two coming or what? Rey, everyone is eager to see you!" Poe calls to them from the end of the ship's ramp.
Rey is glad for the distance.
"We have to go. People will be glad you're back," Rose clears her throat.
"Are you..?"
"I won't say anything. And you shouldn't either Rey - not until we figure out how to spin this. You can stay with me. And," she adds severely, "do not tell Leia about Kylo being the father."
Rey lets out a shaky breath. Not until we figure this out . Rose is hurt and angry, but she isn't giving up on her.
Rey worries. She understands Rose's reaction - she does.
The cold reality of the situation hits her: if one of her closest friends reacts this way, what about the rest of the resistance?
A muscle twitches involuntarily at the corner of Kylo's right eye, his mouth forming into a rigid grimace. His arms fold across his broad chest while staring out of the grimy window of his shuttlecraft. The clangor of the sabers and swords has died away, the shouting of the slaughter now silent. He stares outside at the red-stained ground.
The battle has been at a standstill for some time, but there is still much culling to do. The Knights are successful at turning part of his army against him, but Kylo besieges their stronghold mercilessly.
He doesn't play by the rules of war - if there ever truly were any.
General Krog carries out his orders. Krog does not have the same tenacity Hux did, but Kylo is willing to trade that trait for the lack of attitude and dissonance.
Hux and his sneers, his jabs, the arrogant smirks he would give Kylo. He wants to crack Hux's skull open all over again. Kylo reigns in his rage.
It doesn't matter anymore. Hux is long dead.
Only two Knights remain and they fled - back to the outer rim, Kylo surmises. He will come for them in time; right now he needs to rebuild his military. He needs to find more children young enough to become stormtroopers.
Something that Rey finds repugnant.
Admittedly, Kylo never bothered to think about what the parents felt like when their children are taken. Why should he?
It is only when Rey flees from him with his child in her womb that he can appreciate what they go through.
Not that it changes anything.
Rey.
Kylo sighs heavily. He tries not to think about how this is the first time in over a year they have gone without communicating; how much he relies on her company however distant she is. It is imperative the force connection remains dormant.
He reads General Krog's report on Dathomir and realizes the resistance's losses are not as devastating as he hoped.
Kylo thinks of Rey in the hands of the resistance. She better not pull any reckless shit; he better not find her flying the Falcon. She would - just to spite him - knowing he can't blow her to pieces.
Kylo feels a familiar itch creeping in. The itch to control her, to manage her every move. What he needs is a trusted source to keep him informed.
"General Krog," he speaks into the comlink, "send our files on all deep cover operatives and agents. Ones known to work within the resistance."
It can't be just anyone. It has to be someone Rey would like - someone who can pull off insufferable kindness and warmth. Someone not like him.
"Message received, file sent," Krog responds. The file is sent over immediately.
Kylo pours over the files and - he fucking grins .
He finds the perfect person for the job.
Now, he just needs to locate Rey without her suspecting.
Kylo tells himself he is being a good father, looking out for his child. He is not going to cause her distress. He refuses to.
Kylo looks out at the bodies outside, at the way he butchered them. He wonders if he is capable of not destroying everything he touches.