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Rey's brave front deteriorates the second she is alone.
She is wrong to think she can face Kylo in bed the way she faces him in battle. The experience leaves her wounded in a way she does not know how to fix.
She can still feel the phantom of his body above hers, pressing down on her back as he buries himself inside her.
The way his hands have a vice grip on hers to immobilize her as much as possible.
She regrets telling him she does not want to see his face. The vulnerable position he chose made her feel exposed to the onslaught of abuses he could inflict on her - she feels too submissive.
His focus was singular when they faced each other: he wants to occupy her body, demonstrate how he can use her over and over again. Demonstrate how easily he can manipulate Rey into serving herself to him on a silver platter.
She knows he is not oblivious to her fear and discomfort. Rey is not cut off from his inner dialogue, the one between his guilt and his darkness. The way he uses his guilt to justify his behavior. It makes his choice to ignore her pain worse.
The forest seems far away now. She has a hard time recalling she once enjoyed sex.
The one time, her first time. With him.
Rey resolves to take up the Jedi vow of celibacy. In matters of personal relations the code is no longer rigid in its application, but she cannot bear the thought of a man touching her like that again.
Using the back of her hand she wipes the tears that cling to her lashes. She blames herself for all of it. For thinking he might honor his promise and protect the baby. That if he couldn't do it for her, he could do it for his own flesh and blood.
She is wrong.
Their coupling is so recent, so fresh, that she has a hard time closing the link. His anger, his self-loathing, his virile desire for her contaminates the force. Revenge follows not far behind.
Rey knows his patterns by now.
You don't think I can't sense your betrayal? I am on my way to tell your mother everything. You will never have us.
Somehow her message to him comes out confident and unafraid. She sounds like her old self, the Rey she is having a hard time holding onto.
If there is anyone he fears, it is his mother - more specifically, the compassion he feels for her.
She senses him constructing a reply and Rey wills - no she pleads - with the force to lock him out of her mind.
The silence that follows is blissful.
Leia, General Organa, is the heart of the Resistance.
Rey is not proud of the excuses she fabricates over the last few months - excuses to miss meetings with Leia. She misses her, deeply, and senses Leia feels the same. The chance that Leia would sense the familial bond with the baby was too great. Now, Rey realizes, she should have known from the beginning. She hopes Leia will forgive her, can find it within herself to help her through this.
Leia's rejection is unfathomable to Rey.
She needs to move fast. Kylo will try to reprimand her, and his punishments reflect his anger: over the top, violent, spiraling out of control.
Rey does not pause to wash Kylo's scent from her body, scrub his sweat off her skin.
She packs quickly.
She shoves the bare minimum for herself into a bag. She does not need much to survive. But someone else will.
Rey pulls out a bin from under her bed and begins sifting through the baby items she discreetly collected. All she has are a few outfits: shirts, pants, hats, and jumpers she made herself. She picks up the rattle Rose created for her and folds the long soft fabric meant to be used as a wrap from Finn.
On other planets Rey glimpsed practical and ornate items meant for babies: prams, strollers, various contraptions used for soothing. Baby clothing made from high quality fabric - not the scraps of material she scavenges on various Resistance bases. She wishes she could provide better for her baby, but what she has will have to do.
It hits Rey that if she needs to run from the Resistance and the First Order she will be doing this alone. A burst of grief floods her system that Kylo is too far gone to be the partner she is going to need.
She hates to leave without seeing Rose. Rey makes a last minute decision to stop by Finn's apartment. Both of them were assigned to the same mission weeks ago and she hopes the debriefing is finished.
The turbolift feels like it takes hours instead of minutes to reach the first floor and Rey hastily exits, muttering sorry to the strangers she bumps into.
She is seconds from knocking on Finn's door when she hears Rose speaking. She should feel relief that they are together, but the tone - the words she overhears causes her throat to constrict. Gently, she presses her ear against the door.
"She needs help leaving him Finn. She's still talking to him. I can tell. He's got his claws into her deep."
Rey hears a low voice that must belong to Finn. She can't make out his words but it sounds like they end in a question.
"No," she hears Rose again, "She doesn't love him. Gross. But he knows how to get to her."
Another response from Finn, followed by Rose.
"Yes it's his baby, dummy. What? No. She says he didn't. She thought he was Ben. You can't tell anyone. I'm serious."
Rey's brain stutters for a moment. Rose has no right to share any of that.
She wants to barge into the room but she is not ready to face Finn. She is not ready to look into his eyes and tell him she slept with the man who split his spine open. Who coldly hunts down the Resistance, who orders entire planets bombed on a whim.
No, she is not ready for that.
Rey runs as fast as her body allows her to.
She bolts down the hallway, quickening her pace to an all out sprint. She runs through the path of shuttles being repaired and people stare and shout, asking if she is okay. Rey does not hear them.
She needs to get to Leia.
Gasping for air, she turns a corner and is faced with the massive building that houses Leia's office. Rey gives the door a hard yank. Her clothes and hair are slick with perspiration, clinging to her skin. She feels her heart throbbing inside her chest as she approaches Leia's personal office. Rey simultaneously knocks on the door and opens it.
And there are faces - so many faces - and hardly any she recognizes. All of them in various military uniforms, all of them donning the Resistance insignia. They sit around a long oval table.
"I...I am looking for General Organa." She curses herself for not checking in with Leia's secretary.
A man wearing a smooth blue uniform stands. He is older and Rey's memory pegs him as General Holte from the Resistance base on Matanbu. He is known to be severe but effective.
His eyebrows arch when he speaks but he does not appear surprised.
"Rey. The General will be here soon. Come in," he says briskly.
Rey thinks it sounds too much like an order. She does not budge. She is tired of men trying to control her. It does not occur to her that he calls her by name.
"I can come back another time. Sorry to interrupt," she turns to leave when General Holte rounds the table and swiftly crosses the room.
The quiet malice in his eyes does not enter his voice when he lightly grasps her wrist.
"We are all here because we were contacted by Supreme Leader Ren. He shared some interesting information."
General Holte quietly shuts the door and leads Rey inside. She spots binders hanging off of his belt.
"Now," he continues, "Ren is a known liar, but we need to take precautions. Have a seat, Rey."
She can't stop staring at his binders.
Holte pulls out a chair and leans into her ear as he guides her into the chair.
"Come here, girl. Take a seat. Kylo Ren says you are quite the feral creature," he says in a soft voice.
Rey stiffens. He is a cruel man. She tries to calm herself and closes her eyes, she feels the force vibrate through her. She will use it to protect herself, to protect the baby if she has to.
General Holte stands at the head of the long table.
"Thank you, everyone, for arriving on such short notice. The intel we have received is indeed distressing. Rey," he looks to her, "Is it true that you have been communicating with Kylo Ren for the duration of the war? Is it also true you are pregnant with his child? You may answer each question separately. Failure to comply will result in immediate detainment."
The room is silent.
Rey meets him dead in the eye.
"I will only speak with General Organa."
A quick malicious gleam crosses Holte's face.
"Very well," he releases the binders from his belt and hands them to a guard. "Search and bind her."
Rey reaches for her lightsaber when another voice enters the scene: not loud but cracking with authority and experience. With anger.
"General Holte, you will do no such thing. This is shameful. All of you, get the hell out of my office."
Rey almost sobs with relief. She is sobbing with relief.
The voice belongs to General Organa.