Thank you for the reviews readers :) This fanfic is drenched in abuse, sexism, and toxic manipulative behavior. If anyone treats you the way Kylo treats Rey runnnnn, run now.
ToughSpirit - I can't believe these two have been at it for 21 chapters. I think this fanfic will end at 26 chapters.
pcarebear - thank you! I saw TLJ a year after it came out because my son was born around the same time. That's when I became a reylo. This is a very dark version of that ship but I'm flattered you like it.
Broken2018 - thank you :) I decompress by writing awful awful toxic fanfiction. I appreciate your comment very much ^_^
Warning: this chapter starts off on a trip down perverted Kylo Ren fantasy boulevard. But if you've read the last 21 chapters I guess that's not a surprise xD
The walls of Kylo's private quarters are stifling.
He is anxious for General Witt to arrive, he is restless when not actively pursuing Rey. It is hard for him not to blow through the force and meet her face to face. He needs to read it in her eyes if she truly meant to kill him.
Kylo has an idea of how he will punish her when she is back in his bed. He does not think of it as a punishment, really.
He wants to chip away at Rey's innocence. Everything they have done together is traditional and natural. Rey will never be a whore. He will kill anyone who suggests otherwise.
In private he wants her to be a whore, just a little bit, and only for him. Kylo wants to try something a little less natural and more primal. He has thought about it before, and now he has a good reason to do it.
He does not want it to come as a total shock - he does not want to be that word Rose calls him.
He will never hurt Rey, will never make her bleed.
She will know what is coming when he starts preparing her from behind. He is not averse to tasting her there - he will have scrubbed her clean in the fresher.
Kylo knows Rey will try to get away, try to squirm out from under him. He won't let her - he will hold her in place and reassure her that everything will be okay. More than okay. That it will feel incredible.
He might have to tie her to the bed frame to be safe.
Inch by inch, he will push into her tight, round ass until he is fully sheathed inside.
He will ask her what she is and she will answer scavenger. He will ask her who she answers to and she will moan his name.
He will establish and exert his dominance over her.
Kylo wrestles with getting his lust under control.
He is shrewd enough not to reveal to Rey that he knows her location. He senses Rey trying to dull their connection and he plays along. He forces himself to ponder where she might be - he comes to a false conclusion that she is at a Resistance base. Her relief through the force almost makes him smile. Max was wrong. Rey is crafty, but Kylo is capable of maintaining one step ahead every now and then.
Where are you, Rey? Which Resistance base?
Nothing.
He hopes she buys it long enough for him to formulate a plan to capture her for good.
One of his biggest failings has been his transparency. He is too honest with Rey about his intentions - he gloats too much around her.
Kylo runs a hand through his hair and feels grime and blood in it. He does not know exactly how much time has passed since he was at the Resistance base. A shower is a good idea, but then there is a knock at his door.
Captain - no - General Witt. He has questions for her.
Kylo flicks his wrist and the chamber doors open. He postures.
If he has known failure in his life, it does not show now. Everything from the way he holds himself, to the way he speaks, to that look of unassailable confidence in his gaze says he is not to be challenged. He is the Supreme Leader.
"You wanted to see me, Supreme Leader," Witt states.
"Yes." The doors slam shut and he gestures for her to sit on a dark leather ottoman.
"I have questions for you, General. I want you to answer as a…" Kylo pauses, "Do you have children, Witt?"
She nods.
"Yes, four. All grown."
Kylo feels oddly competitive that Witt has four children and he is expecting his first. No matter. Rey is young. He won't miss taking advantage of her most fertile years. And she is fertile. Against all probability she conceives the first time she loses her virginity.
Kylo returns his attention to Witt. He can sense her fear that she will say the wrong thing. That she will end up like Krog.
It is not an unreasonable fear.
"I want you to answer me as a woman and a mother. I want you to be honest."
"Yes, Supreme Leader."
Kylo paces in front of her.
"Rey is halfway through her pregnancy. I expected her to be cautious but she is reckless and partakes in dangerous activities. Why is she not docile like other pregnant women?"
Witt's mouth opens and closes.
"Sir, every pregnancy is different…"
"I want a clear answer," he snaps.
Witt clears her throat.
"She is probably…"
"Probably? " Kylo wants to deal with absolutes, with facts.
"She is protective of the baby. She will do anything to keep it safe. She is going to put the baby first before anything else."
"Hmm," Kylo plods in front of Witt, her nerves fraying through the force.
"I want you to help me develop a different strategy, Witt. Everything I have tried never holds Rey for long. I know where she is, and I cannot lose her this time."
I can't screw up again.
"Sir, have you tried...showing her kindness?"
"Yes."
Kylo bristles.
She thinks he does not know the meaning of the word.
"I am kind, Witt. I do not beat her, I don't rape her." He tries not to think about their last sexual encounter. He tells himself he does not regret it.
"I could," he concedes, "be kinder with my words."
"She is going to be very sensitive right now," Witt agrees, "I do have an idea, sir."
Kylo pauses in front of the General. He waits expectantly.
"You might soften her regard if you behave in a manner opposite to your….your natural instincts. Actions speak louder than words."
"Continue," he orders. Witt is a woman and he needs her insight.
"You have her location. Bring her supplies. Food, pillows, comforts. Have you been able to find out what she craves?"
"What?"
Witt cowers at the edge in his voice.
"It is common for pregnant women to have specific food cravings and aversions."
"Of course I know what she craves."
He has no idea. He wishes he knew.
"And after I bring her supplies? What then?" He is already thinking this idea is idiotic.
"You leave."
Kylo snorts.
"Supreme Leader, please hear me out. You leave and return a few days later with more supplies. Take care of her. Provide for her. Show her you're thinking of the baby. Bring the infant items I ordered. Get her to focus on the child, not the Resistance. Keep her on the island. Not all prisons have walls. Contain her there as long as possible while we annihilate the Resistance. By the time she remembers they exist they will all be dead. She will have no where else to go. Supreme Leader, this plan does not display weakness. It will prove your ability to apprehend her at any cost."
"What's to stop Rey from fleeing the moment I step onto the island? The moment after I leave?"
"You. You have to sell it. You have to give her hope. Rey's file states that she is unbearably hopeful and impossibly optimistic. The pregnancy will make her emotional. She is likely scared of giving birth, of parenting alone. Lean into these fears."
Witt's nefarious mind puts Krog to shame. Witt educates herself on Rey before meeting with him - Kylo is impressed.
Kylo knows it is because of men that the galaxy is in a sorry state. The male ego, the territorial bloodlust, the instinct to dominate and destroy.
Listening to Witt's plan Kylo realizes women can be equally toxic, equally cunning and destructive.
"General Witt, I want to implement your unique plan. Keep in mind your life depends on its success."
"Yes Sir."
Kylo keeps his expression unreadable.
"Tell me exactly what needs to be done."
General Witt is at her core, a devout member of the First Order. She is as cutthroat as the rest of them.
Rey lands the shuttle as the storm above threatens to break. She finds it hard to reveal to Rose that Kylo Ren is alive.
All the people she ordered to be killed, and for nothing. Kylo is not only alive, he escapes without injury.
The force delivers his so-called apology to her. He says that he forgives her.
Right.
Rey knows Kylo well enough to hear the promise of retribution in his words. He tries to mask it, but she senses his true intentions. He manages to find the most intimate of ways to hurt her, and Rey knows this will be no exception. His anger fuels him, pushes him to keep plowing forward.
This time, Rey worries his punishment will go beyond her. She fears he will hurt the baby. Her reasoning is that he shows no concern, no care for the child - what is to stop him from taking the person she cherishes most?
The weight of everything seems to press down on her shoulders. The darkness inside her grows blacker; the pain sharper; and she begins to wonder if things will ever get better. Rey struggles to take a single step forward off the ship. It is too much. All of it. Trying to fend off Kylo Ren, trying to get through the pregnancy, trying to keep the baby healthy. Trying to stay alive.
Somehow she keeps moving, leading Rose away from the shuttle and up the narrow winding steps. She cannot race up them the way she did years ago - now she stops at every other step to catch her breath. Below her the sea rises in choppy waves. Anger in the form of water, turbulent and unforgiving.
"Can we go inside any of the huts?" Rose shouts above the wind.
Rey nods vigorously and they stumble inside one of the stone dwellings. The wind slams the door shut as thick sheets of rain fall. Rey takes in her surroundings and notes how entire sections of the stone wall do not match. The old grey blends into a recent white stone and it dawns on her why.
This is the hut Luke destroyed with the force, the hut she and Kylo bonded in. The caretakers have restored it.
Rey falls forward, catching herself on the stone sink as she bows her head, shoulders shaking. A sense of deja vu sweeps over her, as the ghosts of her past parade around and within her. All reminders of the nights she spent here, nights talking with him. Here, neither of them had been reluctant to appear vulnerable. Rey would push aside her own fears to comfort him, to show Kylo that he was worthy of love.
She let her love for him shine in her eyes for him to see. Love that he uses as a tool to use and abuse her.
Rey struggles as her entire body sags with fatigue and numb agony.
"Hang on Rey, I've almost got it," Rose says, lips set thin as she lights a fire. The warmth helps Rey recover from the dizzying nausea - a little.
"Thanks Rose. Do you mind if I meditate?" Rey's heartbeat is quick and furious. "I need to cut myself off from the force, temporarily, like Luke Skywalker did. I know it's difficult but Ahch-To is the birth of the Jedi Order. I should be able to figure it out. I have to. If Kylo tracks me through our force link…'
Tracks her. A horrible, twisted knot tightens in Rey's stomach.
"Did we turn off the shuttle's tracking device?"
Rose's face is stark-white.
"No."
"Oh force," Rey says softly. She begrudgingly taps into the force and he is there, the unwanted presence forever in her mind. She needs to cut him off from any and all pathways he can use to reach her.
"Does Kylo know where we are?"
"If he doesn't he will soon."
Rose picks up her bag.
"I'm taking the shuttle. I'll leave the tracking device on and lead him far away from you. Let him think he is clever. I'll - I'll lead him to a Resistance base."
"No! It's me he wants." Rey cries out in dismay. "I'm a liability to the Resistance. Everything that happened at the base is because I rejected him." She omits the part where she slept with Kylo in the hope that he would keep the baby's paternity a secret. In the end his malevolence at her rebuff erupted into violence.
Rose cuts her off.
"He's a danger to us all, Rey. And you're pregnant - I won't forgive myself if I don't do everything I can to help. I'll come back to get you with the Resistance. Soon. Promise me you will not to sever yourself from the force. That's crazy talk. Don't let him take that from you. Without the force he…
Without the force she stands little to no chance against Kylo.
"All right."
Rose is still pale but composed. Their hug is hurried, neither wants to say goodbye so soon after being reunited. Rey watches Rose leave as quickly as she can in the pounding rain. Her companion, her friend. Someone who loves her and is willing to sacrifice it all.
Rey vows to make sure it is not in vain.
After the shuttle takes off, Rey continues to debate a force sever. Not an indefinite sever - she knows Rose is right - it is a risky choice to disconnect.
When she first met Skywalker she did not understand his choice to withdraw and hide from the galaxy. His need to disappear. She does now, Rey thinks wearily. The events of the last few days combined with her pregnancy wear down her stamina. Rey wants to disappear. She wants to become invisible to Kylo Ren.
Legs crossed, she mediates in the glow of the firelight.
Disconnecting from the force is excruciating. She can't do it. She dulls it, turns the intensity of it down to a low hum. She fails at severing herself from the force, but she has fractured it. Rey hopes it is enough to keep Kylo from communicating with her, hopes it is enough to keep him from her nightmares.
Kylo arrives on Ahch-To.
The planet's energy is powerful like Dathomir, but not as unbalanced. Darkness and light live here. Even during a storm he can see it is a beautiful place. A peaceful place.
He loathes Luke Skywalker all over again. While his mother toiled through war Luke hid like a worm on this island. Not a care in the galaxy. Luke Skywalker was, and always will be a coward. General Organa might be on the wrong side, but at least she continues to fight.
Kylo seeks out Rey.
Rey's essence in the force is buried, almost undetectable. Kylo is unsure if he senses Rey or only the memory of her being here. He sees the native lifeforms that reside on Ahch-To and no shuttle.
Kylo frowns.
He was sure she would stay for sentimental reasons.
He concentrates, one more time, and feels the tiny beat of someone familiar within the force. Someone he knows, but has yet to meet. His son.
She is here.
Kylo wonders if she is as foolish as Skywalker and cuts herself off from the force. A bad move for her, a stroke of luck for him. There is no hesitation as he bounds up the steps three at a time. He reminds himself to slow down. This is not a grab and run. He will do as Witt advised.
Kylo comes to a halt at the top of the staircase.
He is here to show that he cares. Kylo's face hardens as he imagines Rey defenseless. It will be easy to carry out his punishment if she can't fight back with the force.
He is conflicted.
Kylo follows his son's life force to a hut that feels more than familiar. A place where they sought each other's company. He kept their connection hidden away from Snoke.
Kept her hidden away.
Kylo opens the door and finds her curled into a ball, asleep. The fire next to her consists of slowly burning embers.
"Rey."
She continues sleeping.
"Rey."
Kylo sits near the fire when she wakes. The flames gild his face, casting gold shadows on his curling dark hair.
Their eyes meet.
"Are you...are you really here?"
"Yes. You tried to kill me, Rey. Did you think I'd let you get away with such an attempt?"
He can't help but to try and intimidate her. Old habits die hard. Witt would not approve.
Rey rushes to get away from him. In a frenzy she runs past him, flying out the door. Kylo stands in the doorway and watches her climb up the grassy hill dotted with rocks. She does not activate her lightsaber. It stays on the floor, forgotten. How unhinged is she?
Kylo smirks. Scaring her has never been so easy. Where is her defiant streak now?
Rey's center of gravity is off. She tries to create a shortcut by clambering up a short cliff but her belly won't allow it. Kylo takes his time as he closes the gap between them.
"No...no..." Rey stands, facing him, closing her eyes, "Please, don't hurt the baby. Don't hurt him Kylo. Just get it over with, whatever you want to do to me. I won't...I won't fight you," her voice breaks at the end and she dissolves into tears.
Kylo shifts, uncomfortable. He does not expect to feel such intense shame.
He watches her desperately use her arm to dry her face, but she's shaking, she's crying too hard. Her gasps cause her to suck in too much air and she lets out a hiccup.
Kylo decides to save his punishment for another time.
Witt told him to do the opposite of his impulses.
Kylo tosses his lightsaber to the ground. He takes off his cloak and cautiously approaches Rey. He drapes the cloak gently around her shoulders.
"I won't hurt our baby. And I won't hurt you, Rey."
Rey parts her lips to respond but her reply gets stuck in her throat. She averts her eyes; her chest rising and falling with every deep intake of breath.
Seeing her so overcome with fear and failing to stay calm makes Kylo feel powerful.
He escorts her back to the hut, closing the door against the wind. A boom sounds from above and more rain falls.
Rey seems resigned to whatever fate he has in store for her. Kylo does not need the force to know what she fears. He will prove her wrong.
He guides her to the bed and carefully sets her on it. She braces, expecting him to crawl on top of her. Kylo does not care for the revulsion in her expression.
He ignores it - he has to.
Instead he drops to the floor and kneels in front of her. Rey's eyes track every move he makes.
He slides the soaked boots off her feet, one at a time.
"Why are you dragging this out? I know what you want."
She has no idea.
"Do you? I brought provisions. Food, clothing, blankets. I won't let you hurt yourself on this island searching for food. And...I want to honor my promise to you."
Rey does not stifle her disdain.
"What promise? You don't keep promises."
Kylo takes hold of her hand.
"My promise to leave you alone until our son is born. You held up your end of the deal. I didn't. I put both of you in danger because of it. I am sorry, Rey. I am sorry for failing you and our son. I want to keep you safe."
Her eyes are heavy with moisture.
"You're a liar. It must kill you to pretend to care."
Kylo grapples to restrain himself as Rey's anger overpowers her fear. He exhales.
"I am never going to be good Rey, but I'm trying. For you and the baby."
"You're not fit to be a father. You have no idea how to put someone else first."
That stings. She touches on one of his deepest insecurities: fatherhood.
Kylo fights the urge to throw her over his shoulder and haul her off to the flagship.
"Snoke taught me that love is a weakness. That it is conditional. My love for you is unconditional, Rey. It always has been."
"Don't say you love me. Not here."
Rey's voice quakes again, the tears start. Kylo is confused. He did not say anything cruel, he did not threaten her. This is not in the script Witt provided him with.
He hears the ache in her voice.
"I wish you didn't love me. I wish you didn't think you loved me. Because you don't. You love humiliating and controlling me. You view me as an object to possess."
Kylo does not have an answer for Rey because what she says is true. Mostly. The humiliation, no. The control, the dominance, yes.
Is she an object? No - but she is his.
Kylo stands.
"I do love you. And you loved Kylo Ren first - in this very hut - before you thought I could be Ben. Don't forget that, Rey."
Kylo is pleased when Rey glowers in response. She knows he is right.
"Here," he bends to pull a bottle out of the supply bag, "Drink this. It will hydrate you faster than water. The baby needs the fluid." He adds when she hesitates.
"Am I going to wake up on your flagship after I drink this?"
"No."
"It's poisoned, isn't it? The Resistance is coming back to get me, you know. They know I am here," she says, suddenly fierce. She almost sounds convincing.
"It is not poisoned, Rey."
Kylo lies, but only partially. The liquid is not poison. It is infused with a serum that will knock her out. An innocuous concoction - he wants her to relax, and it will replenish the vitamins her body needs. It's safe for the baby.
Kylo does not tell Rey that the First Order tracks the shuttle, tracks down Rose.
He can tell she wants to drink. Even through their splintered force connection he senses her lack of nourishment.
"Go on."
She never has been one to waste food or drink.
The effects begin rapidly. Rey blinks, unable to keep her eyes open.
"This tastes nice." Her tone is airy as she falls on her side. Rey succumbs to a deep sleep.
Kylo knows this is when he should leave. Leave, and return in a few days.
Witt told him that Rey needs to witness him exercise self control. He needs to demonstrate he is capable of walking away from the person he wants more than anything.
Kylo thinks about the ropes and binders he brings along in case he changes his mind. He thinks about tying her up.
He imagines Rey waking to find herself tied to his bed, feeling incredibly stupid at accepting a drink from him of all people. He imagines Rey crying the way she did outside in the rain, broken and crushed, falling apart and ready to accept defeat.
Kylo's throat works at the thought. He hated Snoke, and his inner demons whisper that he treats Rey in the same manner Snoke treated him.
He banishes the thought.
Instead Kylo removes his tunic and climbs into the bed. Rey is none the wiser as he positions himself behind her, molding his body against hers. He finds her waist below her belly and curls an arm around her. Kylo stiffens when a faint movement brushes against his hand. For a moment he panics until he realizes what he feels. The baby. There is an actual person in there. Someone who is half Rey and half him.
He hopes the baby is more like Rey.
Kylo has every intention of leaving before she wakes. He will earn her trust before he captures her again.
Kylo nuzzles into her neck, inhaling her scent before he gives into sleep.