did you know if I go more than 2 days without updating this I get twitchy? this fic is how I de-stress.
it's b/c I wrote 25 pages for the sequel to bedsharing (which is being beta'd - bless the beta readers).
talk about a detox.
There are some questions about Kylo dying and if the ending will be happy. Without spoilers I can only say there is 1) no major character death and 2) I think the characters will get the endings they deserve. Keep in mind the earlier disclaimers that this fic is not a romance and your author is not sympathetic to Kylo.
TL;DR Kylo POV
The thrill, the rush that Kylo feels after threatening Rey never lasts long.
He used the same terror tactics at his uncle's Jedi school after he had experienced enough of Skywalker's antics.
Luke Skywalker, trotting his nephew out like a prize fathier in front of his pupils. Boasting about the balance of the force, the energy between all things. Ben Solo, a lost boy churning with light and darkness. And Skywalker, the teacher who would pass on all he knew to Ben Solo.
Skywalker's personal pet project to prove that the Jedi would rise again and continue to restore peace to the galaxy.
How wrong Skywalker had been. How arrogant.
Kylo rebelled in small ways at first. He would find covert opportunities to antagonize his peers. A lightsaber gone missing, students dangerously misstepping during practice. Kylo seized opportunities to lean into his darkness, to humiliate Skywalker. Especially when he expected him to perform.
He'd made them pay - all of them. Screams, dreadful screams curling upwards into the air as he slaughtered those who refused allegiance to Kylo and the Knights of Ren.
The path he chose led to this, Kylo thinks, as the flagship looms above him. To becoming Supreme Leader of the galaxy. He is no longer lost.
The shuttle lands in the flagship's hangar.
Rey is not one of Skywalker's slack jawed, awestruck pupils. She is a tenacious survivor strong with the force. Kylo is sure she gave the old man hell. The ancient Jedi was probably envious of her raw power, probably wanted her for himself.
It is a disgusting thought.
Kylo roughly palms his eyes. Visiting Ahch-To fucks with him. The aura of Luke, the bad memories of his past. It all comes hurling back, unwanted into his mind.
He struggles to organize his thoughts.
The way he had to force the ring on her finger - it was crude, there was nothing chivalrous about it.
But Rey thinks nothing can be fixed between them? That hurt. He had to inflict a little of his pain on her, had to turn it around and show her what it felt like.
As he waits for the shuttle's ramp to lower Kylo tries to recall the last time Rey spoke a kind word to him. He remembers.
I'm coming. I won't leave you.
Rey's last frantic message when she thought he needed to be rescued.
Her unwavering loyalty to him, the hunger at which she returned his touch - the way she was ready to die saving him.
How does that kind of love just vanish?
It doesn't. She is being stubborn to spite him. She withholds her love and body to punish him.
General Witt stands at attention as he steps into the hangar. A complacent expression graces her face, her hands delicately folded in front.
"Supreme Leader Ren…"
"My quarters. Now."
Kylo surveys his flagship as Witt scurries to keep up with him. He makes every one of his soldiers toe the mark - right down to the last centimeter.
He expects blind, unquestioning obedience; demands the strictest conformity to the rules. He will not tolerate the slightest deviation from his orders.
Fuck. He sounds like Hux.
In his private quarters Kylo unhooks his cloak and tosses it on the floor. He ignites his lightsaber and spins it in his hand. A tiny yelp sounds from behind and the crackling laser disappears.
Kylo turns to see Witt's ashen face.
"My apologies. Come in, Witt. We have quite the agenda to discuss."
"Indeed," she responds. Kylo calls on the force to slam the chamber doors shut.
"Supreme Leader, I have gathered items I believe you will need for the infant. Would you like to inspect them before bringing them to Rey?"
Baby items. His son. Kylo can still feel the movement of the baby under his hand. In a few months, his son will be here - in Rey's arms, in his arms. He is going to be a father. He is going to have to put someone else first - his son will come before him, before Rey.
Kylo breaks out into a cold sweat.
"Rey will view the items on the flagship. I will bring her aboard tomorrow. Right now there are more pressing matters. Did you manage to locate Raisa from the Resistance base?"
"Yes sir. Her time in the bacta tank should be completed in a few more hours."
"Good."
Kylo considered using the First Order's most qualified and accomplished doctor to track Rey's health. An older man who makes no time for niceties or smalltalk. Cold, precise, efficient - there is something reptilian about the man.
Reviving Raisa as Rey's doctor will reveal how deep Kylo's manipulation goes, will make her all the more defiant. Yet, Kylo reminds himself, Rey was adamant that Raisa attend the birth.
Surely that indicates a bond formed between the women. If Rey developed a sincere relationship with her doctor, is that not a good sign? Most importantly, Raisa cared for Rey since the beginning of the pregnancy - she knows Rey intimately. She knows the history of her health.
Rey is a person who needs warm and nourishing relationships. If Raisa can provide some of that warmth then perhaps it will restore some of Rey's faith in him. Perhaps the two will grow close enough for him to dispose of Rose.
He does not risk torturing or killing Rose off - not yet.
"...Is there anything else Sir?"
Kylo is still distracted, off balance. He needs to stop losing himself in his thoughts.
"Yes. Your plan. It's not working."
"If I may sir, a week has not even gone by…"
"And already your plan is a dismal failure," Kylo talks over her, bored, "The scavenger is more adverse to me than ever. I took care of her. I administered an injection to stop her nausea. I brought her food. Clothing. I offered my affections but I did not force myself on her."
"Do I have permission to speak candidly, sir?" General Witt asks.
"By all means," he can't keep the sarcasm from his tone, "Please do ."
"Did Rey initiate affection towards you?"
"No. The scavenger did not."
"Supreme Leader, we agreed not to call her scavenger."
Kylo wonders if General Witt has a death wish.
"My recommendation is to slow it down. Slow down your pace ten-fold. She needs to feel safe. Approach her as you would a child."
Kylo is close to losing control.
He cannot abide two women admonishing him in one day.
"Supreme Leader, this plan will not work unless you play a more...accommodating role. Rey needs…"
"She needs to know her place when it comes to me," Kylo says, terse. "You don't know her like I do. You haven't seen her in battle. Rey is compassionate and kind, but she is ruthless. Or have you forgotten what she did to the Knight's flagship? Have you forgotten who gave me this scar?"
His hand clenches.
"Supreme Leader, if you maintain your current behavior this will be a lost mission."
Kylo's muscles flex as if readying for a fight. He does not care for her insinuations about his impulse control.
"I apologize if what I say displeases you, Supreme Leader. I take my role as General seriously. I want the First Order to succeed. I know you are capable of setting aside your lust for her company."
Does she?
A man who goes to war must wear a savage mask that is to be removed in the presence of women. Kylo has been at war with himself for so long that he can no longer separate the mask from the man.
He waves her words away.
"Enough, Witt. Have the infant items brought in."
Some of the lines in Witt's face relax as she speaks orders into her comlink.
Minutes later officers appear parading a number of contraptions into his chambers. Droids that perform infant specific care, cribs, chairs with wheels. Kylo's attention is held hostage by these strange items.
"Is this to your taste, Supreme Leader?" Witt's hands rest on the top bar of a crib. The paint is black and lacquered, the bars sturdy.
"My preference does not matter. Send the droids away."
Wheels turn and beeps fade as the droids are dismissed. Witt smiles. Kylo bristles. He does not need her approval.
"This one will do. Place it next to my bed. Remove the side."
A natural wood crib is pushed flush against the side of his mattress. The side-bar is removed, allowing for easy access to the baby.
Kylo selects a bassinet, a few tiny infant loungers, and a stroller. He thinks he is done when more carts are wheeled in, loaded to the hilt with clothes, blankets, wraps, bottles, and a pump that appears to be made specifically for Rey's breasts.
It is a foreign, overwhelming world.
Witt nods encouragingly when he picks items that favor Rey's taste. He hates feeling like a child, hates her patronizing manner.
He does not need her validation. She is not his goddamn mother.
Kylo swallows the lump in his throat. He excuses himself - he needs a break from all of this - from his ever impending new reality.
He logs onto his datapad and turns the screen away from any potential leering eyes. Rey appears.
She tosses and turns in bed, one pillow resting under her belly. For support, he guesses.
Kylo spares a glance at his bed to see if there are enough pillows for her. There aren't. He orders more. Kylo notices she is back in her home-sewn clothing. He notices -
Kylo stops. He did not acknowledge the change in the force earlier because it felt natural.
Rey reunites with the force, with him.
Kylo's gaze returns to his bed. Rey belongs there. He wants to hold her again. Kylo can make out the ring on her finger as her hand hangs off of the mattress. Would it be such a bad idea to turn around and take her now?
"Tomorrow. You can go to her tomorrow. Right now she needs to rest," Witt says slowly, under her breath. She stands at his side, silently staring at the screen.
Kylo reminds himself not to underestimate the General. Not to underestimate women.
"Yes. Tomorrow. You will accompany me Witt, when I fetch Rey and bring her aboard."
"When you invite her to view the baby items."
Kylo frowns.
"Right. When I invite her."
He watches the final touches as his room transforms into a space he does not recognize. They are going to have a baby, and that baby will have everything he needs, from both of his parents. Kylo will get his way for once, he will have his happy ending.
He sifts through a basket of toys and thinks of the dolls Rey crafted. He sensed how the likeness of her friends brought comfort to her. How she preferred an inanimate object to him.
Witt would tell him to let Rey keep the dolls. He orders one of his officers to purchase fabric and sewing implements. Only the finest quality, nothing like the raw material from the primitive island creatures.
Kylo senses a question in the recesses of Witt's mind.
"What is it, General?"
"Did you propose to her, Sir?"
"Yes."
"And?" General Witt prompts.
"She accepted."
Kylo's focus remains locked on Rey. An idea comes to him.
He banishes the remaining officers from his quarters.
Kylo patches himself through to the Resistance. He announces his engagement to their fallen hero and informs them that the wedding will take place in two weeks time.
They are cordially invited to view the event via holonet. No gifts are necessary.
Tomorrow, Kylo repeats internally, tomorrow will be better. With Witt by his side he will coax Rey back into his arms. Gradually, slowly.
She can even pay Rose a visit in her cell. That will lift her spirits.
Kylo does not sleep that night. Face basking in the glow of his datapad, he watches Rey until morning.