Wow thank you so much for the kind comments. They mean a lot! ^_^
FYI someone reported this story for having explicit sexual content. It was not an official FF member, it was a volunteer. In case this fic gets wiped it is also posted on archive of our own. Same title same username.
TL;DR
Kylo Ren POV with a hint of Rey.
trigger: Kylo's behavior is very typical of an abusive partner who keeps their victim in the cycle of abuse. It's not okay.
Ahch-To. Skywalker's island.
The shuttle docks. Kylo disembarks, leaving Witt to scurry behind him.
"You stay here," he growls, "I don't want her overwhelmed."
Kylo does not need a reason to enter the hut alone. Rey is not weak, the presence of a First Order General will not rattle her nerves. But he wants General Witt outside. He wants to be alone with Rey. He wants some privacy.
It is dark out with sunrise fast approaching and he has not had a lick of sleep.
Rey is his last loose end - all others holding him back have been done away with. Anyone who deemed themselves above him is dead.
Rey is the only one left. The only one as powerful as he is - the only person who knows what it feels like to possess such strength. The only one who understands what it is to feel crushing loneliness.
She is in theory, his opposite in the force. But Kylo thinks the veil between them is thin - Rey can be just as hot headed. When she stunted her force abilities he enjoyed the upper hand it afforded him over her. For a while. Until it grew boring - knowing he could win against her every time. He wants a woman with some fight in her.
There is one thing preventing Rey from unleashing on him completely.
The baby.
Kylo reminds himself that Rey will not engage in direct combat because she worries for the baby's life. Kylo scoffs - as if he could raise a hand to her. She thinks of the baby ashers, not theirs. He is a threat, an enemy. She tries not to think of him as the father.
An interesting psychological defense. Rey is skilled at coming up with those. And yet, she speaks to the baby about him.
Kylo checks to confirm that General Witt remains at an appropriate distance. She does.
The door creaks as he opens it.
Rey is currently cuddling a pillow, asleep. Her soft lashes tickling her cheeks, a strand of hair caressing her face.
Kylo feels the return of the static again, that crackling in the air that happens when the distance between them closes. It is enough to make the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.
The Force.
He tries to tame his obsessive nature. It is nearly impossible.
The force wills it - he has to have her. Rey has to be his. The desire is beyond a want, it is a need. The need to touch Rey, feel her warm breath on his neck, her soft lips pressing against his. To look in her eyes and see the lust burn in there. To feel her body pressed next to his, skin to skin, heat to heat. To be tangled within her arms and legs, touch, kissing, caressing her. Hear her moans and sighs, whispers and whimpers, make her scream in utter ecstasy. To make Rey need him, only him, always him.
Kylo almost feels shame for his insanity, but he can't. The want, the desire, the need is too strong.
Even as Rey sleeps Kylo can sift through her emotions. He realizes how blind to her he became when she severed the force. Painful, unnatural. She had to feel it too.
"Rey," he places a hand on her shoulder. Her eyes open and she blinks furiously.
"You," she calls on the force to throw his hand off her body. Her foot kicks at him as she shuffles to the other end of the bed. It makes little difference.
Kylo senses the anger welling up in her - she wants to hurl things at him, scream, and run.
"Keep your hands to yourself," Rey's lightsaber flies across the room and into her hand. She stares at Kylo.
The energy between them is disorienting. Kylo feels her emotions, he views himself through her eyes.
"You feel it, don't you?" He asks, "The force. The link between us only grows stronger. I couldn't sleep all night, I only thought of you, Rey. I am sorry about this, about how I went about it," he lifts her hand and examines the ring on her finger.
"The Resistance knows now. About our engagement," he kisses her hand.
"Get off."
Anger. It courses through her veins and Kylo feels it. Overflowing anger. Her anger at how she could have possibly fallen for him in the first place.
Kylo feels her maddening, blistering, pain directed at him.
He does not want Rey to go mad. He wants her to join him, but he does not want her to be like him.
Rey's anger culminates in hot tears streaming down her face - rivers of sadness. She looks away from him and pulls her legs against her chest. She rests a cheek against one of her knees.
"Rey," Kylo whispers, his expression utterly serious, "I wish you would at least look at me."
He walks around the bed to sit so he can face her. Rey automatically turns her head and rests her cheek on her opposite knee.
Frustration creeps into Kylo's bones.
"I know you didn't mean what you said before. That I am no good for you and the baby. That I am unable to fix my mistakes. That I've ruined everything good between us."
That elicits a reaction.
"Good? Between us? When were things ever good Kylo?"
"Isn't it obvious Rey?" Kylo's big hands press gently on her belly. A light flickers in his dark eyes when the baby kicks under his touch. Rey's heart beats faster and warmth spreads through her.
Kylo feels it. His brows press together, his eyes narrowing in amazement.
"You like that," intrigue fills his voice, "you like it when I bond with the baby. When you sense that I care about him. That I love him. I overheard you say as much when you spoke to him earlier," Kylo says thickly, remembering.
Kylo's hands trace the contours of her pregnant belly and trail down to her thighs. "And I love his mother too. You're so strong, so damn beautiful…but I hate seeing you in this state, Rey. Constantly crying and in pain. Why do you inflict this on yourself? You have to be exhausted."
"I brought this on myself?"
There is a metallic taste in his mouth as her hand comes into contact with his face. He stands and wipes blood from his chin.
"You have to stop hitting me, Rey," he says quietly. "I don't want our son growing up in an abusive household."
"Oh, that's rich coming from you! And I only feel relief that you don't want to hurt my baby."
"Our baby, Rey."
"Right," she stands, clenching her saber, "Our baby. Conceived through lies and deception. I know you only fucked me out of hatred, to punish me. I know you did it so you could have a laugh with your Knights at how stupid and gullible I am - how gullible I was. And this ring is not a symbol of love, you forced it on me. What a great foundation for our child. You can never be a part of his life, Kylo Ren. I will make sure of it."
"Is that so?" He cannot believe how bold she is, the things she says. The hurtful words that sting.
The force returns a bit of her spark.
With one swift stride Kylo covers the distance between them, squeezing her upper arms. Rey bites the inside of her mouth as the pressure increases, thrashing against his grip, fingers trying to ignite her saber.
They both call on the force - Kylo to control and still her, Rey to escape.
"I do love you. You sense it. Do not lie to yourself," Kylo's voice is a low rumble. His massive body towers over hers, engulfing it, "There is no need to be so dramatic. I will let you go if you promise to stop spouting such ugly lies. Promise me."
"Force, Kylo! They aren't lies, I'm telling the truth!"
In response Kylo yanks her harder against him, a bit rougher than he intends. For a split second she flinches, bracing for either his lust or his fist. Shaking from the realization, he releases her. He looks down at his hands, at how easily he lost control with her.
Rey backs up, panting. She ignites her lightsaber and points it at him. "See? You can't help but react with violence when I speak the truth."
They watch each other warily. Kylo thinks of General Witt standing at attention outside. He thinks of their plan.
Slowly, Kylo places his lightsaber on the ground. He keeps his hands in the air as he moves away from Rey.
"You're right," he breathes, "I lost control. I am…"
"You're sorry. I know," she grinds her teeth, "I am tired of your hollow apologies."
"They are never hollow. I mean every word, Rey."
He feels her stress. Her instinct to flee, to fight.
Kylo tries to distract her. He tilts his head sideways.
"Rey. The cave, here on Ahch-To. The one you faced yourself in. Where is it?"
The one she emerged dripping wet from. Her white tunic clinging to her body.
"What? Why?"
Kylo opens the door. He orders Witt to come inside.
"It is strong with the dark side of the force. I intend to investigate it."
"You might not like what you see," Rey says, suspicious. "And I won't come with you."
"No," Kylo motions to Witt, "You will stay here with General Witt. I can find the cave on my own."
Kylo picks up his saber and glances between the women. His gaze rests on Rey.
"Don't try anything. I'll know if you do."
He abruptly stalks outside. Let her cool down with General Witt. The General has a way with people - Kylo is mostly sure Rey will not slay her.
He descends down the rocky island to face whatever waits for him inside the cave.
Kylo knows it will be illuminating.
Rey sinks to the floor.
Her knuckles return to their usual color as she sets down her saber.
The sun shines bright in the sky now. All Rey can feel is the fatigue behind her eyes. Kept awake all night by a kicking baby only to be jerked out of sleep by Kylo Ren. She runs a hand through her hair - this was not how she wanted to start the day.
"Can I make you some tea, Rey?" General Witt busies herself in the kitchen space.
Rey does not answer.
"I remember how hard the second half of pregnancy is."
Rey thinks Kylo's choice of General is very odd. Krog must be dead. It is the only explanation.
"Here," Witt places tea in front of Rey, "This will settle you."
Rey does not trust the matronly act that Witt puts on - except she is not sure how much of an act it is. To become a General in the First Order you must be ruthless, without morals. What game is this?
She sniffs the tea. It smells safe enough to drink.
Witt sighs.
"Did the Supreme Leader harm you?"
"It depends on your definition of harm. I don't need medical attention," Rey clarifies. She delves a little deeper into Witt's psyche. What she finds alarms her.
"It's wrong, the way he treats you," Witt carries over a plate with bread smothered in honey.
"Everything about the way he rules is disordered, chaotic. I don't expect you to join the First Order, Rey, but perhaps we can reach a mutually beneficial agreement. I can help you escape if you assist me in implementing a new Supreme Leader. Let's see how the First Order operates with a woman at the helm."
Rey nearly chokes on her food.
This is treason of the highest form. Witt takes a huge risk propositioning her. If Rey refuses, it means certain death for the General. And why should she want the First Order to continue? How has Kylo not sensed her intentions?
She remembers that he did not foresee his Knight's mutiny. He was preoccupied with her.
Witt's wide smile is tactfully maternal.
"I don't mean to cause you stress, Rey. This might be our only opportunity to be alone - for a while. Just think about it. You wouldn't have to worry about that man taking your baby away. You know he will."
Rey conceals any expression on her face as she eats.
It is not enough that Kylo Ren wants to use her - now another ambitious First Order member thinks she can be manipulated.
Force.