Thank you for the lovely reviews on the last chapter! It's very motivating.
I've been deep in the fluff-writing fic zone which took me out of my dark place.
But then I went to work and it returned. And thus this chapter was born.
Thx for reading. Remember: this is not a romance.
Kylo POV/Rey POV
Kylo is never able to master the cold, quiet detachment Snoke and Hux embodied.
He can exude arrogance, he can manage aloofness, but he can never disengage completely. Kylo is aware he that he is an emotional person. He admits, begrudgingly, that he is sensitive.
Rey is similar to him in this way - she feels deeply, as he does. Yet she has a resilience that he lacks, that he envies.
She is not tainted by the dark side, she was never seduced by a dark master. She survives abandonment, loneliness, war, and manages to preserve her compassion and trust in humanity and all life forms. Even droids.
He can never admit this to her.
Kylo is a maelstrom inside. He feels defeated.
Inside the cave he did not conquer his fears, let alone face them.
Kylo sneaks a glance over his shoulder at Rey. She hugs herself tightly, staring straight ahead. She is free to roam about the shuttle. It's bigger than the last one he used to navigate. An upgrade once he became Supreme Leader. Kylo snorts. A lot of good becoming the Supreme Leader has done him.
The thought is banished as soon as it enters his mind.
He goes against his better judgement and does not lock binders around her wrists. Though, he is not a complete idiot - he does confiscate her lightsaber.
Kylo does not want to keep Rey's wrists in binders. He tires of trying to control her. The permanent ache she instills in him wears him down.
The strange cave vision combined with the infant items delivered to his chambers rattles him. He eyes Rey's belly suspiciously.
Who is in there? Who will they become? Not they, Kylo thinks - but him.
His son.
It hits Kylo all over again: fatherhood is rapidly descending. He turns his mask over in his hand. He debates disappearing behind it.
"Supreme Leader," Witt shakes him out of his reverie. "I would like to consult with you in private."
"Can it wait?" Kylo asks flatly. He goes back to staring at Rey, trying to understand her despondent expression.
"Did something happen while I was away?" There is a rough edge to his voice.
"No," Witt responds quickly, "She was not hurt. But there is something urgent I need to share with you. Sir."
"Fine."
It comes out as a grumble, and he orders his troops to observe Rey closely. He steps into a private space with Witt. It is tight, very tight, and he can smell her breath on his face.
"If I may speak candidly, Supreme Leader."
"You may."
"While you were gone, I had a chance to talk with Rey."
"Did you now?"
"Yes," Witt says sincerely, "There is a natural camaraderie between women. It becomes easier for us to open up when men are not around."
Kylo's blank stare reveals nothing.
He does not need a lecture from Witt about women, about what they are capable of. He already knows.
"Continue."
"She cares for you, sir. Yes, she is hurting, and angry. But she still loves you."
Kylo's body goes tense.
"Did she say those exact words?"
Witt licks her lips.
"Not verbatim. But it is obvious, sir..."
Kylo waves her away. He doesn't want to hear any of this. Not right now.
"Lies," despite his best effort Kylo's heartbeat quickens, "Most likely a Jedi trick. Don't let her fool you. She's more than capable of controlling you with her mind. Of influencing what you think." Kylo turns to leave and Witt dares to pull at his cuff.
"Sir, please listen. If anything, wouldn't she try to hide her true feelings? She is hormonal - she is lonely. She told me," Witt's breath brushes against his ear, "that she still has hope that fatherhood will change you."
Kylo shakes Witt's hand off his sleeve.
"Why would she confess this to you?"
He can't bring himself to believe such a ridiculous notion. Not when all he senses from Rey is disappointment and hurt. And above all else, righteous anger.
"Isn't it obvious?" Witt says, "Rey's pride might not allow her to admit that you belong together, but deep down she wants a family. She wants her child to have a father. I believe if you handle her with tenderness that her oppositional facade will crack."
Kylo's heart feels like an iron grip is squeezing it.
Witt does not know what happened inside the hut. She does not know how he shook Rey. How instead of using the force, his fist curled in response to her rejection. How he almost lost control and reached a new low point. The absolute lowest, he thinks, as he sneaks another glance at the beautiful woman carrying his child.
The vision of his grown son, strong and powerful, telling him he will protect Rey floods Kylo's mind. He is the one who is supposed to protect Rey.
Kylo feels nauseous. Unhinged. Unbalanced. He turns to the General.
"She's playing you. She is using you Witt. She tells you these lies knowing you will come tattling to me. She's only wants me to lower my guard."
Witt's next sentence has a motherly tone to it.
"Surely sir, you do not think you are unlovable. Just look at her. How long did it take her to trust you the night you conceived the baby? One evening? Years of regarding each other as enemies and she throws herself at you the first chance she gets? She might not openly admit it, but she loves you."
How does she know about the forest? Is it possible Rey opened up to her?
Kylo does not want Witt to see the moisture gathering in his eyes.
Instead he looks at Rey. She appears as miserable and defeated as he feels. Her love has never been more remote, more beyond his grasp.
Kylo wonders why he thought leaving two women alone was a good idea.
He storms over to Rey. One hand grips the back of the chair she sits on. He leans in so close to her that their foreheads nearly touch. His eyes lock onto hers, burning ferociously.
"Stop it."
The quiet words laced with venom take her by surprise.
"Stop what?" Rey asks, breathless, confused.
"Stop trying to take control."
"I'm not –"
His other arm braces against the wall, effectively blocking any escape.
"You'd be wise not to toy with my feelings, Rey. Not to give me false hope."
Rey seems to be trying to muster something within herself. Courage, Kylo thinks.
She uses the force to bat his hands away from her.
"You saw something in the cave that scared you," she accuses, "don't take it out on me." Her face contorts into the familiar combative expression he knows so well.
Kylo takes Rey by the forearm and pulls her to stand with him.
"We will discuss it in my private chambers. In our private chambers."
A thrill runs through him. His bedroom is hers now, his bed is their bed.
General Witt clears her throat.
During their exchange neither of them notices the shuttle land in the hangar, the hiss of the ramp lowering.
"We have much to discuss, Rey. Follow me."
Kylo intends to find out if what Witt tells him has any shred of truth to it.
Rey massages her forearm where Kylo gripped it as she walks beside him. She is back on this cursed flagship.
The floors gleam shades of black and grey. There are no noises save for officers talking in low voices, droids occasionally beeping and the hum of electricity. It is impossible to miss the advanced weaponry and the massive holo-map in the center of the room. As it circles Rey notices the various planetary systems. The systems Kylo controls.
Kylo's anxiety rubs off on her, it sets her on edge. She is not sure what Witt whispered to him but it can't be good.
Witt shared, step by step, how she planned to overthrow Kylo Ren. Rey assumes those same steps are being put into motion now. She knows the part Witt expects her to play, but Rey isn't sure of too much right now.
When the chamber doors slide open, Rey gasps. She takes in the crib, the rocking chair, the changing table. There are blankets, toys, and bags of diapers. Grief rises like a tidal wave inside of her.
To Rey, the room represents a grotesque mockery of everything she's ever wanted. The nursery for her baby is aboard a ship run by a fascist organization. The baby's father is a violent tyrant. It hurts, to see everything gone so wrong. So twisted.
Tears stream down her cheeks. She'll be damned if any child of hers sleeps in a crib on the flagship of the First Order.
When she looks at Kylo she can read how nervous he is, how he desperately wants her to approve of the changes he made.
She tries to pass off her tears as happy ones.
"Do you like it?" Kylo moves towards her, a quiver in his voice, "this is all for you. For the baby. You can change anything you want, of course. I told you that I love you Rey...both of you."
"I…" Rey searches for words. She strides over to the crib, running her hands across the top bar, "I like this. I like the items you chose."
At least, she thinks, he will sense the truth in her words.
Relief appears on his face, but not for long.
Kylo sits on his massive bed and it creaks under his weight.
"Rey," his eyes divert to the floor, then back up to her. "Do you communicate with him? With the baby? Through the force."
The question surprises her. Rey answers honestly but carefully.
"I sense him. I like knowing that he is healthy. But I don't actively seek him out. I don't want to create any preconceived notions about him. I don't want to place expectations on who he might become."
"That's good," Kylo nods, "That's good. Letting him be an individual - letting him define himself."
A rare moment when Kylo says something rational, Rey thinks.
"Do you see visions of him in your dreams?"
Rey swallows.
"I see flashes, but not the whole picture."
"Tell me what you've seen," Kylo sounds urgent. Rey blows out a puff of air.
"Ah...just that he's strong with the force. And I...I think he will favor your mother's side. I keep dreaming of hazel eyes. Just the eyes. They're kind." She smiles at the memory.
Kylo's anxiety spikes. He runs a hand through his dark hair. He rises from the bed, taking his time walking towards her. When Kylo reaches her, he takes hold of her hands. He kisses each fingertip delicately. Then his jaw works, his eyes flutter down for a moment before he speaks.
"Rey. Do you still...do you still harbor feelings for me?"
Rey straightens, her spine rigid. If the discussion about the baby was uneasy for her, this is downright frightening.
She knows the part Witt wants her to play. The part anyone would expect her to play in a situation like this. A part she fails at time and time again. A part that at this point is too predictable.
Seductress.
She hates it.
Kylo strokes the engagement ring on her finger with his thumb.
"I could," Rey's throat is dry, "it's not impossible."
She pleads with the universe to sound believable. To sound convincing. She chooses words that in theory might be true, if he attempted the impossible.
Impossible being the key word.
She thinks her best shot at pulling this off is his desperation. He must be desperate enough to believe her.
A part of her feels pity for him.
Rey watches as Kylo fails to conceal the intense swirl of emotions building inside him. His throat works.
"But how? How could you love me again?" His question is less than a whisper, "After the way I've treated you?"
Rey picks up one of the infant toys. It is soft and she glances at it with what she hopes is a gaze full of longing.
"Because we're going to have a baby. And the baby will need his family. On the island I've had time to contemplate. I want our baby to have the childhood I never had. I want him to have parents." Her eyes flit back up to look at him.
Kylo looks as if he might die from shock at her declaration. She feels it through the force. He blinks and tears cling to his dark lashes.
He lifts his hands to cup Rey's face.
"I love you," he says softly, "And I won't force myself on you."
Rey does not trust him. She has heard these same lines from him before.
"Will you go to bed with me, Rey? Will you let me make love to you? We're balanced when we are one. Please."
Rey's heart skips a beat.
She thinks of the poison Witt has yet to give her. She hopes it will kick in before he has a chance to bed her. She can't deny him forever after her confession. He cannot know she lies.
"Not tonight. I'm tired, Kylo." She stares into his shadowed face, his dark eyes.
"I understand. We have a big day tomorrow. Prenatal appointments. Wedding preparations. And I have a special gift for you."
"Oh?" Rey can't let on that she knows her so-called gift is Rose. She filters what he can sense through their force connection.
Force help her, she needs to see Rose. She needs to untangle herself from these messy lies, from Witt and Kylo.
She needs to set her own plan into action before she slips up, before she makes a mistake.
"At least let me kiss you," Kylo says. He searches her face, taking her lack of protest as a yes.
Kylo kisses her slow, his hand on the back of her head, angling her mouth to deepen the kiss. He brushes a lock of loose hair behind her ear, running the soft tresses through his fingers. He breaks the kiss and looks at her. She sees his unbridled hunger, his raw need for her.
"I can't wait to have all of you, Rey."