As always thanks for reading :)
On ao3 this chapter is titled "Rey's Performance"
Kylo POV/Rey POV.
(I know I keep saying this, but this fic is not a romance)
oh I almost forgot the warning: slightly limey times ahead.
Rey permeates his every thought. He has trouble sleeping again, with her in his bed.
Each time Kylo looks at her he feels the rush of warmth, the spark of hope that her love for him is returning.
He is glad the wedding date was moved forward. When their wedding is projected over holonet he wants the Resistance to witness the real love Rey has for him reflected in her eyes. He wants them to see that his pursuit for her was never in vain or driven by madness.
Kylo is not returning Rey to Ahch-To. She is perfect right where she is.
With him.
He wants every morning to be as peaceful as this one.
Kylo shifts a little to look at Rey while she sleeps. He cranes his neck to get a better view of her face without disturbing her. She is curled against his bare chest, snoring softly. Her hair is loose and messy with strands falling around her face. Her hands curl under her chin, knees drawn up to her chest. She sighs, rubbing her cheek into the pillow.
Kylo finds her desperately cute.
He pulls back the blankets and his gaze travels downwards. She is dressed in a nightgown she made. It is conservative but not completely asexual in design - and he thinks he might still be dreaming because she is wearing it in his bed.
Kylo's eyes follow the curves of Rey's body from her waist and hips and down to her ass. He can't help himself - he presses a soft kiss onto her shoulder blade.
Her lips curve upward in a smile, and another sigh escapes her. Kylo tightens his arm around her, breathing her in.
"You're mine," his whisper brushes against the back of her neck.
Rey's eyes fly open and he feels her stiffen for half a heartbeat. The smile vanishes and she wiggles against him.
"You have that look in your eyes, Rey," Kylo says lazily as he turns her by the shoulder to face him. She braces her hands on his chest.
"What look?"
It stings that she says this defensively and tries to create space between them.
"The one that says you still don't completely trust me."
Does she not realize she spent the entire night in his bed and he didn't touch her?
Well.
He didn't touch her like that. He did, however, hold her.
"You don't have to be so possessive Kylo," says Rey.
Kylo runs a hand down her thigh. He likes how flushed her face is in the morning, how dishevelled her hair is.
"Yes I do. You're hard to tame."
"I wasn't aware you wanted me tamed."
"Only outside of the bedroom, Rey."
"Just because...because I care for you doesn't mean you own me."
Kylo blinks hard and tries to focus. Her admission that she cares for him throws him off kilter. He isn't sure how to respond.
Oh, he has fantasized how he would respond. But now he finds himself frozen.
Rey still behaves like herself - opinionated, defiant, stubborn. She has no problem letting him know when she disapproves of his behavior.
Kylo finds it a relief.
It is this normalcy, this consistency in her personality that leads Kylo to believe she loves him. If Rey suddenly let him get away with his antics, if she turned into a submissive pet, he would be suspicious.
But she isn't fighting them anymore.
It feels incredible, but fuck.
How is he supposed to treat her now? Intimidation, blackmail, deceit - they all come naturally to him. He strokes her cheek.
"I'm sorry."
Kylo leans in and captures her mouth with his, trying to convey everything he does not know how to say with a gentle kiss. They are both a little sleepy and the kiss is slow, wet, and sloppy. Kylo can't get enough because she is reciprocating.
Rey breaks the kiss, out of breath.
A jittery, nervous excitement pulses through Kylo's body. He can't stop noticing how lovely she is as she looks at him through long dark lashes.
"Kylo."
"Yes?" He struggles to contain his thrill that she is here.
"I need to tell you what I want."
"Okay," he breathes.
"I'm serious."
Kylo barely manages a nod.
"I need to know you love me for more than my body. For more than what I look like. Not that I'm any great prize," she mumbles. Kylo has to stop himself from protesting.
Rey is without a doubt the most beautiful creature he has ever seen.
"I want a man who treats me like a person - not an object. If we never had sex again, would you still want me?"
He does not know how to communicate that becoming one with her completes him. Sex is an effective way to remind her that she belongs to him, but there is more to it than that. Kylo wants to make her feel good, to demonstrate with his body that he loves her. Instead, he gives her the answer she wants.
"Yes," he says with a desperate fervor, "I want to be with you, Rey. Forever. I regret that I ever made you feel used."
Kylo will agree to anything. Especially if it means she will stop saying he is no good for her or the baby. If it means she accepts that her place is with him.
Rey rests her hand on top of his and squeezes it.
"I know. And I don't want the baby born to parents who resent each other. I want to put an end to the tragic cycle that follows your family. The Skywalkers, the Solos."
Kylo hardly registers that she speaks his natural surname aloud.
He forces himself to ask the question he dreads.
"Are you forgiving me, Rey?" His heart clenches and he tries to hide the tremor in his voice, but that somehow makes it more noticable.
"I can't condone or forget everything you have done, but ...yes. I am. I forgive you."
Kylo has known so little forgiveness in his life, he has forgotten what unconditional love feels like. Again, he is faced with not knowing how to respond.
Monsters are not worthy of forgiveness or love.
Rey truly is the Light.
She is and will always be superior to him.
"Rey," Kylo says as tears begin to bead down his face, "You deserve better."
"Look at me," she tells him gently. Her hands roam everywhere, smoothing against his chest, running through his mussed hair.
Kylo has yearned for this, to feel touch her again without their burdens standing between them.
"I don't want better," Rey whispers, "I want you."
Kylo looks away for a moment, jaw clenching with unsaid words.
"Do you mean that? Don't say it if you don't mean it, Rey. I would rather you openly disdain me if that's how you felt. You know I'll never be good in the way you want. But I can't...if you don't mean this...I'm not resilient in the same ways that you are."
"I mean it, Kylo."
Rey, he realizes, is more powerful than he thought. He is in awe that she still has the power to forgive.
"This is all I want Rey. To stand united, with you. With our family."
Kylo brings his hand to the side of her face and pulls Rey into a kiss. The kiss becomes frantic as he releases all of his pent up longing. He deepens it, his teeth nipping at her bottom lip, tugging and running his tongue along it.
His hands grip her tightly, pulling her body flush against his. Kylo lets out a moan and gently runs his fingers through her scalp before taking a fistful of her hair and tugging. His free hand fiddles with the band of her underwear, trying to pull it down.
"Rey," Kylo pants, "please."
He doesn't care that he's begging, that he is the needy sounding one this time.
Rey pulls back, her lips swollen and pink from his onslaught.
"I need to take this slow, Kylo. Can we just...kiss?"
"Ah," Kylo watches, entranced, as her small soft hands run over his torso, tracing his battle scars.
He can't just kiss - he is ready to explode.
But she's not fighting him anymore.
Kylo brushes inside her mind and finds no falsehood in her intentions. He is still on a high from her forgiveness, from her admission that she wants him, even if he is broken and imperfect.
In his current state, Kylo might agree to anything she asks of him.
It is dangerous, this love he has for her. Kylo sighs.
"Taking it slow," he repeats, "I understand. I suppose we should eat, it's getting late. Then we will meet with the doctor. Unless, you want your gift first?"
A new alertness crosses her face.
"I am curious about the gift. I can sense that the baby is fine, the appointment can wait. Can I see the gift?"
"Yes."
His reward is a relieved - no, a relaxed - smile from Rey.
Kylo reluctantly takes his hands off her body and enters the fresher.
Ice cold water blasts his chest and Kylo tries to abstain from touching himself. It does not matter that Rey is already pregnant - he doesn't want a drop to go to waste. He wants to save everything he has and spill it inside her, claiming her as his again.
Kylo groans at the thought, unable to follow through. His arm braces on the wall, as he's done so many times. He squeezes his eyes shut and strokes himself.
Rey is too far along to lay on her back now, and she was very angry with him after he fucked her from behind.
This time, Kylo imagines her straddling him as she pins his wrists above his head using the force. She trails wet kisses down his chest, stopping to take him in her mouth. He imagines her mouth sliding up and down his length before crawling on top of him. He imagines her riding him slow at first, then rotating her hips until neither of them can take it.
Kylo never thought he would want her in such a dominant position, but he does. He thinks the view will be incredible. Her breasts bouncing above him, her belly in his face. Kylo will like seeing what he's done to her.
He recalls her words that she wants him.
He comes hard.
The fresher door slams shut and Rey closes her eyes. She tries to center herself.
Rey feels like she is holding a starving beast at bay, one ready to devour her. Rolling around in his bed, kissing him, putting on airs for him - it is exhausting.
She is putting on the performance of her life, and it feels all too real.
When Witt told her to distract Kylo by seducing him, Rey assumed she meant sex.
She never thought that emotional seduction would be the key to undoing Kylo Ren. That more than her body, he craves emotional intimacy. Human connection.
He uses lust as a weapon so often that she didn't even consider it.
Kylo is ignorant to this - to his blindspot. And Rey? She does not like watching his eyes light up, full of hope when she says she wants him. When she knows she does not mean it.
If compassion is considered a strength, a virtue, then why does she feel like in this situation it is her weakness?
"Get it together," Rey whispers to herself.
She felt the mess of emotions warring inside him: his confusion at her cooperation, his shy embarrassment at crying in front of her, the way she coaxed out his vulnerability. Rey tries to sound convincing by inserting small grains of truth in her words.
His desperation, thankfully, fills in the rest. Just as she hoped it would.
If he finds out her plan, if he finds out this is all a lie...force help her, it might be the final blow. Kylo might kill her. He might decide that if he can't have her, then no one will. That she shouldn't exist in the same space as him. That she shouldn't exist at all.
On top of everything she still has to deal with Witt.
Rey hates this. She prefers to face her opponent head on, she prefers honest fights. But there is nothing normal about this situation. Her opponent is the father of her child.
And Kylo doesn't prefer honest fights - she reminds herself that his betrayal started all of this.
She dresses quickly as he showers. Rey's cheeks burn at the thought that he is probably doing more than washing. In fact, her entire body seems to be turning bright red.
"Oh no no no…" Rey examines her arms, her chest. The rash spreads rapidly. She has not responded to stress like this in years.
"Rey?" Kylo appears with a towel wrapped around his waist. His dark hair, usually wild and unruly is wet against his head. He rushes to her side and runs a hand over her arm.
"What is this?"
"It's...it happens when I…." Rey's stomach lurches and Kylo's body becomes a hulking blurry outline. She feels his arm around her waist, guiding her to the bed. She hears his fist slam on something next to her. The desk? No, the comlink. Static adds to the roaring buzz in her ears.
"Send a medic to my chambers immediately. And bring Rose Tico. Keep her in binders."
"Rose?"
Lying down, the world looks a little more clear.
"Yes. She's my gift to you."
"Oh Kylo," Rey groans, "People aren't gifts. Is she hurt?"
Kylo frowns.
"No. I made sure her cell was comfortable. As insufferable as she is, I thought you might like her as your female companion. Someone from your old life. She might bring you comfort when you don't feel well."
"I see."
The chamber doors open and a weathered old man strides inside, a medical droid rolling at his side. His skin is pale, almost grey, his body skeletal in appearance.
"Doctor Furlong," Kylo motions towards Rey, "what is wrong with her?"
Doctor Furlong, Rey thinks, has an even haughtier expression than the late Armitage Hux. His nostrils flair and his lip curls.
"Hives. A common reaction in young brides-to-be. Nothing more than wedding jitters."
The droid takes her vitals while he diagnoses her, something Rey is grateful for. She does not want the ghoulish doctor touching her.
The droid produces a tiny needle and pokes her arm.
"The medicine will stop the itching and lessen the redness. The baby should be fine, though I do recommend her personal doctor perform a thorough examination."
Kylo does not need to be told twice. He is already speaking into the comlink when someone else appears in the doorway flanked by four stormtroopers.
Rey sits up as the droid finishes placing a bandage where the needle stuck her.
"Rose!"
She bursts into tears.
"Hormones, sir," Furlong says. Distaste is evident in his tone.
The stormtroopers thrust her forward and Rose almost trips. Her hands are bound in binders, her ankles in shackles. She must have been in binders the entire time because Rey spots the bruises underneath them.
With a flick of her wrist Rey sends the stormtroopers flying backwards. She may be under deep cover, but not at the expense of her friend being abused.
"You said she wasn't hurt!" She shouts at Kylo. He turns to the troopers.
"Remove her constraints," he says quietly.
Rose glares at the stormtroopers as they free her.
"Bastards," she mutters.
Rey watches Rose take in the scene in front of her: Kylo still in his towel, Rey on his bed.
"Kylo?" Rey stands and crosses the room. She wishes Rose did not have to witness this, but it is the only way he might leave them alone. Rey widens her gaze, she licks her lips, she plays with the top of his towel.
She feels so stupid acting like this.
Rey senses his shock and pleasure that she is flirting with him in front of Rose.
Good, Rey thinks. It makes her performance all the more convincing.
"Can Rose and I talk alone? Just for a few minutes. There are some things - female things - that I prefer to talk about in private."
"You know I can't…"
Rey stops him short with a kiss. She tries not to let the gagging noise from Rose distract her from her goal, "Please, Kylo? You know I'm not going anywhere. She's not comfortable around you."
She senses that he wants to shut her down, but he also wants to please her. Rey bites her bottom lip. Kylo relents.
"No more than five minutes. I will be outside the door the entire time."
Force, yes!
Kylo dresses inside the fresher and pauses in front of Rose before he leaves.
"Don't think to try anything, rebel scum. She is mine now, and you can't change that."
The doors slam shut.
Rey runs to Rose, her belly preventing her from full-on body slamming her friend in a hug. Rose tentatively wraps her arms around around Rey.
"What the hell was that?"
"Rose, I am so sorry you had to see that. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. But seriously Rey - what is going on with you and Kylo Ren?"
"I'm…" Rey chokes on a sob. Even if it's an act, she's ashamed. "Nothing is going on. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up."
Rose lets out a huge gasp of air. She draws Rey back into a hug.
"You're faking it? Fuck. You had me fooled, Rey."
"I am so so sorry…"
Rose holds up a hand.
"No apologies - I get it. And you heard him, we have five minutes. What's the plan? Do you have one?"
Five minutes. Not nearly enough time for a proper reunion, to explain everything that has happened. Rey swallows.
"I do. I am going to need your expertise on flagship mechanics. The entire fleet is going to be here for our wedding," Rey cringes at the word, "And I...I want to disable them all."
"You mean blow them up?"
"Ah...that would be a bonus, but yes."
Rose rubs her face.
"That's...kind of crazy. Like, really crazy. I like it. Has he hurt you?"
Rey does not want Rose to know the extent of her deception.
"No. He's been calm."
"For now. He is calm because he is getting his way. You remember the cycle, don't you Rey?"
"I know the cycle," Rey snaps. She was there when the Resistance shrink presented a seminar on healthy and unhealthy relationships. Another one of the Resistance's attempts to improve healthcare.
"He doesn't have a hold over me," Rey can't help but repeat the words she overheard Rose speaking to Finn. "I haven't forgotten what he is capable of."
Rose nods solemnly.
"I know, I just wanted to make sure you're okay."
There is more to it. Rey can sense that deep down, Rose worries that she still hopes Kylo will redeem himself. Rey wants to scream that it is not true, but the last thing her friend deserves is defensive tirade.
"You're a good friend, Rose. The best, actually." She's crying again.
Rose holds her face, her expression soft. She looks straight into Rey's eyes.
"And you can do this. We can do this. Now, back to your plan: it involves disabling and blowing up Starships?"
"Yes."
"Does it include breaking Kylo Ren's heart? Does he still have one left to break?"
Rey winces.
"Yes. And I know the steps we need to take."
Rose smiles.
"Brutal. He deserves it. Let's do this."
"Yes," Rey echoes, "let's do this."