hang in there ToughSpirit! I've got a real fluffy smutty fic on the backburner. haha.
I should have added this earlier, but is anyone willing to help me decide between endings for this fic? I've had the last chapter written for so long and I feel solid about it. But now I see another ending that would work *really* well. Both have the same outcome for Kylo and Rey, but how they get there is different.
A sounding board would be great. feel free to send me a PM.
trigger warning: Kylo's behavior is typical of an abusive person when they are on their "good behavior high."
Kylo POV with a little Rey POV.
Did my best to proofread - my keyboard may be out of sorts due to a certain toddler getting crumbs all over it.
Kylo stands outside his bedroom chamber wondering if it is too late to dispose of Tico.
As usual, Rey was right.
People do not make good gifts. Especially when that gift is a Resistance brat.
It was a mistake to keep Tico alive. He should have executed her the moment she mouthed off to him after he repossessed the shuttle. Rey's other scum friends - the Idiot Pilot and FN-2187 - had the smarts to appear afraid in his presence. They at least showed some respect.
He can sense Tico's hate and disgust for him. She makes no effort to hide her firm belief that he is evil. Her attitude towards him cannot sit well Rey anymore. Can it?
The uncivilized rebel will try to turn Rey against him. He felt it through the force. Tico entered his quarters brimming with anticipation that she and Rey would hatch an escape plan.
Kylo smirks.
Tico is a fool.
The dynamic between the two women will change now that Rey admits she loves Kylo Ren - that she always did love Kylo Ren instead of Ben Solo.
Did she say love? She communicated forgiveness, desire, and that she cares for him. The word love has yet to leave her lips.
All in good time.
He wishes he could witness Tico's face morph into shock and horror when she realizes that Rey enjoys the warmth of his bed.
Kylo touches the hilt of his lightsaber.
He is in a tough position. He can't kill Tico now. Rey was too excited to see her, too overjoyed at seeing a familiar face. Kylo briefly toys with the idea of orchestrating an accident that would permanently disable Tico. He trashes the idea. Rey would figure out he was behind it.
What to do with her?
"Supreme Leader."
Kylo turns to see Witt approaching.
"Doctor Veduta is ready to examine Rey. Would you rather she come to your private quarters?"
"No. I will escort her to medbay. I am assigning you to personally watch over Tico. I have no doubt she wants to flee and take Rey with her. Keep her as complacent as you can. It is no easy task. She has a demanding mouth on her. Try to refrain from smacking her."
"Very good sir."
Kylo enters the room and finds Rey composed. Her rash is almost gone but she looks tired, pale. Some of the fight seems to have left Tico's face and she regards Kylo silently. With a gesture Kylo signals for Witt to come in. The General deserves a bonus, Kylo thinks, at her willingness to tolerate Tico. It is her job to do as he bids, but still.
"General Witt will shadow you, Rose." He speaks her first name.
It is a delicate, feminine name for such an ill-mannered woman. She would make a terrible spouse. No one wants to bed an uncouth creature, no one wants a disobedient wife. Rey is strong willed, but she is beginning to accept that he controls their relationship. He is in charge, he is the head of the household they are building.
"Witt will act as your guide and security. She will meet any needs you have and protect you from harm."
There is a chance that someone in the First Order will not like seeing rebel scum dirtying the flagship. Kylo wistfully hopes one of his troops will find a clever way to make her disappear.
Rose huffs under her breath.
"Any need, huh? Does that include my freedom? You might have her brainwashed, but not me, Kylo-Ren."
Brainwashed. That accusation can only mean one thing: Rey is coming clean about them.
For years Kylo was not sure there would be a them.
"Take her Witt," He orders, his tone level and calm. General Witt briskly crosses the room and leaves with Tico.
"Rey?"
It takes Kylo two steps to reach her and he rests his hands on her waist. His grip is not whisked away by the force, she does not throw him off. A breath he did not know he was holding leaves his chest. Kylo takes it a step further, wanting to test how far she will let him go.
This compliance is still so new to him.
His arms move up her back and his hands close tenderly on her neck, stroking her hair. The feeling of skin on skin is always too much for him, it is overwhelming in the most delicious way.
Kylo does not wear the black leather gloves. Not anymore. He wants as few barriers between them as possible.
He kisses her gently, relieved when her lips brush against his, when she allows his tongue to slip into her mouth. She pulls him closer and Kylo's heart skips a beat. Her scent overwhelms his senses.
He can't fight against the thoughts going through him and he doesn't want to.
They pull apart and take shaky, shallow breaths. Rey's forehead rests against his and for a moment they close their eyes to steady themselves.
"Rey," Kylo whispers, voice barely audible "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For being you. For giving me a second chance." His voice wavers, exhilarated from the tension between them. He softly kisses up and down her neck.
"More like the third or fourth chance…"
Kylo looks into her eyes as her sentence trails off; one hand resting below her ear, his thumb caressing her cheek.
"Rey. I love you. Please trust me," his voice sounds foreign to him, he hears how heartbreakingly sincere he sounds.
"I'm trying to," Rey replies.
Kylo nods. It is the best, honest answer he could hope for right now.
"Food will be waiting for us in my private dining room. Afterwards we will go to your doctor. And Rey?"
"Yes?"
Shame paralyzes Kylo.
"Your doctor...she is the same one you had at the Resistance base."
"Oh Kylo. Not more kidnapping…"
"No. I had her planted. So that I would know you and the baby were healthy. I thought of replacing her so you wouldn't find out, but she knows your health history."
Rey shakes her head, her shoulders slouching.
"Is she even a real doctor? Are there any more lies I should know about?"
"She is a real doctor," Kylo insists, "you think I would be careless with your health? With the baby's health?"
He tries to recall other ways he has deceived Rey. There are so many.
Rey makes an exasperated sound.
"I don't know how you can ask me to trust you and then tell me you planted a spy to keep tabs on me."
"But you know now, don't you?" Kylo says, "And you like her. You told me you wanted her present at the birth."
The reminder doesn't seem to help.
"I'm sorry Rey," Kylo says, when the lines around her eyes tighten. "Let's not fight. Please."
She nods stiffly, accepting the truce.
"There is one more thing," Kylo says, "I hate your friend. Rose. I can't pretend to like her, Rey. I regret bringing her on board."
"That," Rey responds, "is no secret. I need your word that you won't harm her, Kylo. She has good reason to dislike you."
"You have my word."
With shaking fingers, he reaches for Rey and takes her by the hand. Kylo isn't sure how to handle her physically if they aren't kissing or embracing in his bed.
Hand holding should feel juvenile. He knows he should have done this years ago when young people experiment with such things.
But old man Skywalker, ever the hypocrite, discouraged expressing romantic feelings. There was no outright ban, but it was clear the old Jedi disapproved.
None of that matters now.
When their hands join, an electric spark runs up his arm and he closes his eyes in reaction to the sensation.
Together, they walk down the corridor.
The examination room is cold and Kylo watches Rey shiver.
The thin, paper-like gown she wears crinkles every time she shifts. Kylo is surprised at how uncomfortable he is when the nurse asks Rey to pee in a cup, asks her about her last cycle (isn't it obvious?) and other probing questions. It is intimate in a way that has nothing to do with him.
"Have you thought of a name?" He asks, desperate to cut the tension.
Rey shakes her head. Her feet swing off the end of the medical bed.
"I want him to have a name that is entirely his own. I don't want your family's legacy to influence his identity. Or give him the idea that he needs to live up to something."
"I agree," Kylo says, because he does. There is a reason he chose his own name and renounced Ben Solo.
Another example demonstrating that Rey will be the perfect mother.
Besides, his son will carry on the legacy of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.
The door opens and a stout woman in a lab coat steps inside.
Dr. Veduta.
"Supreme Leader," she inclines her head, "and Rey. I am glad we have the chance to meet again. How have you been feeling?"
The doctor has the posture of a soldier. The friendly persona she put on to gain Rey's friendship is no longer needed. Every action she takes is now precise and purposeful. She smiles in the cold and distant way professionals do.
Rey's jaw is resolute, her knuckles turn white from gripping the underside of the cot. Kylo doesn't need the force to know that she wants to scream from frustration. Another day, another betrayal. But Rey pushes the anger aside. The health of someone else matters more than the deception. Right now, all that matters is their son.
Her fists relax, she works her jaw.
"I'm tired. I have trouble sleeping."
A droid rolls to Rey's side, taking her vitals for a second time. Dr Veduta types on the datapad attached to the machine.
"Gestational insomnia is typical at this stage," she says as she brings up Rey's chart, "do you still experience heartburn?"
"Yes," Rey leans forward, "it is the worst. "
Kylo's features darken.
"Why haven't you given her something to help with the pain? I was able to cure her nausea."
Dr. Veduta stares at the screen as she responds. Her tone is professional.
"The First Order does not stock a diverse array of medication that is safe during pregnancy."
Rey shoots him a glance.
"The Resistance does." There is something smug about the way she says it.
Kylo raises an eyebrow and looks away.
"Do you at least have the implant or contraceptive shot?" Rey asks, "After the baby is born I want to get whichever one you have available."
"No," Kylo's tone is final, "You are not getting the implant or shot."
Both Rey and Doctor Veduta turn to him. Kylo decides to elaborate. This has been on his mind for a while. He covers Rey's hand with his.
"I want to expand our family as soon as possible. You're good at this, Rey. Getting pregnant, I mean. When is it safe for her to conceive again after birth?"
Rey protests and Doctor Veduta offers what he swears is an apologetic glance.
"It varies from woman to woman, but I would say eighteen months to two years."
Rey recoils her hand.
"This isn't up to you, Kylo. I will get the implant. This is what I mean - about you being possessive. I won't tolerate it."
Not wanting to upset the fragile peace between them, Kylo shrugs. Let her think she's won this round.
"Alright."
It is not alright. Kylo will not allow her access to birth control. He wants her safe on his flagship while he commands the galaxy. The more her pregnancy shows, the less he wants her ruling at his side. Kylo thinks her future role with him is obvious: wife and mother to his children.
To allow her to fight in battle, to participate in conflict is too great a risk. She might die. She might leave their family motherless.
"Now," Dr. Veduta places a sheet of paper over Rey and lifts up the gown. A gel substance is squirted onto Rey's belly and Veduta rolls a wand over her stomach.
"Let's see what the baby is up to."
Curiosity grips Kylo, and he turns to monitor screen in an effort to see what what might appear.
"Just a moment," Dr. Veduta says, noticing his impatience. Finally, she turns the monitor around. An image of a baby fills the screen. His baby.
Kylo exhales slowly.
"Hear that? That's the heartbeat," Veduta says, and Kylo does hear it. A fast paced, rhythmic thump. A myriad of emotions cross his face: wonder, pride, and amazement.
He looks to Rey and finds her staring at the screen. Love radiates out of her.
Kylo places his hand on her shoulder, squeezing lightly. This time she doesn't recoil.
Something inside of Kylo spreads like a warm glow. Pure, raw emotion fills him as he watches the tiny being kicking and moving inside of Rey.
"Do you feel that?" He asks.
"I do. All the time."
His son does not seem so foreboding, so frightening anymore. His son is no longer an idea buried inside Rey's body. He is real, he exists.
Kylo feels a different kind of appreciation for Rey. No matter how vehemently he disagrees with her light-side philosophy and her alliances, he will always remember that she carried and created something beautiful for him. Something perfect.
"I love you," he speaks softly, meeting her eyes.
Rey smiles in response. A real, genuine smile that comes from deep inside her.
"I know."
Veduta squints as she reads Rey's test results. She is all business.
"Okay Rey. Baby's movement looks great. Heart rate is good. Your blood pressure is on the higher side. Not unusual during pregnancy, but I want you to take this twice a day after eating. I don't want to have to induce you early due to hypertension. Do you understand my instructions?"
"I do," Rey accepts the vial, "I understand your instructions."
"See," Kylo says as if to prove a point, "The First Order has prenatal medicine." He notices how tightly Rey holds onto the vial, how she is suddenly sweating. She gives him a nervous smile. He chalks it up to the adrenaline of seeing their son, of their upcoming wedding.
The only sound that fills the room is their son's heartbeat.
Rey clutches the vial to her chest as she follows Kylo back to his chambers. The look in his eyes during the appointment unnerved her. There was no malice, no lust. Just bewilderment and love. For her, for the baby.
A love she can't return. Not when it is tainted by darkness, by obsession.
Whatever the future holds for them, she is grateful for the moment they bonded over the baby. Rey at least will be able to tell her son that there was one rare instance in which his father expressed the deepest love for him. A moment when his father displayed a shred of humanity.
That is all she will allow her son to know of his father. She does not want to breed hatred in her son. Unlike Witt, Rey would rather take Kylo back to the Resistance to answer and pay for his crimes. She does not know if it's possible. If he will allow himself to be captured alive.
Kylo is still dangerous, still unpredictable. He desperately wants to control her. It takes everything inside of Rey to cloak her thoughts, to tolerate his behavior.
It still hurts. Like the baby items, the appointment was an example of what could have been between them. Does he even realize it? Probably not, Rey thinks. Because he is living his fantasy right now. He thinks he's won.
Rey knew General Witt would get the poison to her through an informant, but she did not anticipate that informant being her doctor. It makes sense. Doctors, surrounded by medicine. Medicine that can heal - or kill. Witt is clever.
And it is warped on so many levels.
The realization that her doctor was undercover in the first place. The realization that General Witt involves Dr. Veduta in her assassination plot.
How Kylo manages to stay alive is a mystery. Can he not sense their corruption? Is he so used to it, so corrupt himself, that he finds it normal?
The thought gives Rey chills. The image of her son becoming another Vader, another Kylo Ren, terrifies her. It makes her heart ache. She has to protect him.
"Kylo?"
"Yes?"
Rey holds up her engaged hand.
"Can you have the ring removed? If we're going to trust each other, we have to start somewhere."
"I…no. I will not have it removed. I trust you, but it's just...not a good idea. The Resistance could capture you. I need to be able to locate you, Rey."
"I see."
Rey tries not to let her anger show.
She places the vial safely away in a nightstand drawer and thinks of Rose. She checks the time and waits for the next phase of her plan to fall into place.
Keeping track of two parallel plots - Witt's and her own - is mentally exhausting.
"Do you need to rest?" Kylo asks. He looks worried.
Rey nods, crawling onto the bed. She sinks into the mattress, not moving. For once the baby is not kicking his feet into her ribs or pelvic area. As she drifts off, she catches a glimpse of Kylo's frame standing beside her.
She tries to gage his intent when she feels a soft blanket cover her body.
She surrenders to sleep.