holy crap chapter 32. thanks to all my readers hanging in there:)
I remember when I thought this would end at 25 chapters. Hahahaha. Omg it has to end before chapter 40.
anyways:
Trigger warnings. IMO this is one of Kylo's darker interactions with Rey. I know this fic is not as graphic as some dark fics, but Kylo's behavior is triggering if you're a survivor of abuse (or even if you're not). I'm a broken record but this is exactly why this fic is not a love story.
Darkfic is dark...
TL;DR
Kylo POV.
Big thanks to Suzeraine for beta-ing :)
Kylo tries to rouse himself only to be pulled under again. His head feels heavy and drowsy, his mouth hot and dry. It feels like he swallowed fire and it is searing into every cell in his body.
Rey - he needs Rey. He tries to call out her name, he tries to reach for her. She isn't there. The mattress is cold.
Dry. His throat is dry. He needs water.
Kylo blindly tosses out an arm to locate the canteen on his nightstand, knocking over the tray of food in the process.
Something is wrong. Very wrong.
Rey.
Terror overwhelms Kylo. If someone has managed to incapacitate him, she doesn't stand a chance. She might be dead.
Sweat covers every inch of his body, his heart feels like it is going to explode.
Rey.
He seeks her through the Force.
Rey. REY.
The thought of her in peril is too much and Kylo staggers to his feet. At the very least he can sense her. She is alive.
She -
Kylo stares at the sight in front of him.
Rey stands at the foot of his bed, panting. Her lip is split and bleeding. The left side of her face is bloody and puffy.
Fucking Tico is at her side.
That alone is enough to sober Kylo up.
"Rey," he roughly shoves Tico to the side. She stumbles and curses.
"Rey, are you okay? Is the baby alright?" Kylo's fingers tremble as they frame her cheeks. He searches her vital signs through their bond, desperate to know if she needs serious medical attention.
He is so focused on her that he forgets the more pertinent questions: why was he drugged and where is General Witt?
But someone has laid a hand on Rey. Kylo's blood boils.
"I'm fine," she says evenly, "You know I can handle myself."
"Is it the Resistance?" He asks sharply. His eyes dart towards Tico. "Are they here? Did you call the Resistance here?"
His mind registers that Rey is holding his saber and he snatches it from her hands. He ignites it and takes a deliberate step towards Tico.
"If you did, you'll pay for it with your life."
Rey runs around him, barring his path to Rose.
"The Resistance is not here. General Witt meant to betray you, Kylo. I killed her."
She's not lying. The stench of death hangs heavy around Rey.
Kylo considers her words and strides over to a panel embedded into the wall. He pushes it and it opens, revealing a closet full of binders, gags, ropes, and other restraints.
Items he keeps close at hand for situations like these.
"Keep talking," he orders as he binds Tico's wrists and ankles. With a flick of his hand he sends her across the room when she suddenly halts midair.
"She had no hand in this, Kylo. Leave her alone."
Rey's anger sparks as she uses the Force to slowly lower Tico to the ground. He allows her this act of disobedience.
"General Witt wanted to poison you. She wanted me to help, but I saw it in her mind - she meant to kill us both."
Kylo circles around Rey.
"How long have you known about this?"
"She shared her plan with me on the island."
Ahch-To was the last time Rey and Witt were alone. The gears turn in Kylo's head.
Somehow, he has forgotten that Rey is dangerous.
Now he sees it in the way she stands, not breaking eye contact with him. He sees the strength that shines in her eyes.
Trust is essential to the survival of love. The thought that Rey might betray him is unfathomable, unbearable.
Kylo senses her heart pound faster as he closes the gap between them. He brings his hand to her face, gently caressing her bruised cheek with his thumb. His tall frame arches down so that his mouth is next to the curve of her ear.
"How did she plan on using you to poison me?"
Turbulence gathers in the air between them, intensifying and thick.
Rey's mouth opens and closes.
"She promised to get the poison to me through an informant. She didn't name them, and I never received the poison."
"I see," he paces, "And yet, you didn't think to warn me about her plot. A day and-a-half has passed since you learned of it. I could have died, Rey."
"I didn't know the poison was in the drink," she says passionately, "I can show you through the Force - "
Kylo cuts her off.
"The drink you did not want to consume. You also," he stops in front of her, "did not want it to go to waste. Interesting how the canteen you drank from was safe."
"What are you implying?" Rey asks.
"All I'm saying," Kylo slowly tilts her chin up. He traces his fingers down to her throat until they close around her neck, "Is that you better get your story straight. You told me you loved me, and still you did not share her true intent. Is that because you were considering it, Rey? Killing me?" He murmurs, voice deep and low, and above all, dangerous.
"Never," she whispers.
She is trying to act defiant even though it is painfully obvious that she is afraid.
"Did you poison me, Rey?" Kylo squeezes, ever so slightly. He feels the silver necklace cutting into her skin.
Rey looks up at him through dark wet lashes.
"No," she insists, voice firm, "You have to believe me when I say that I love you."
He tightens his grip around her throat.
"You can love someone and still want to kill them."
Rey gasps. Her hands fly to his wrist, calling on the Force to pry him off.
"Stop it, Kylo."
He is unyielding.
"Kylo, I'm pregnant. I am pregnant with your son," she resorts to begging, "don't be like this. Please."
Kylo finds her pleading endearing. He tells himself it is his predators' instinct that is pleased with her reaction, that perhaps she is learning her proper place with him.
His arm drops to his side.
"I could never hurt you. It was merely a warning."
A lesson in submission, he wants to tell her.
Kylo stares at his hand, the one he had around her neck, and closes it into a fist. He looks at her swollen lip, at the dried blood on her temple, at the red ring blossoming around her neck.
He thought they were past all this. He thought he was past treating her this way.
"Answer me honestly," Kylo asks quietly, "Why did you wait so long to tell me?"
"Don't you understand," Rey draws in a harsh breath, coughing out the words. After she recovers her voice rises in frustration, her nostrils flare.
"I was going to tell you. When I was sure of my love for you."
"Prove it," he grabs her hands and images flood his mind.
Kylo sees Witt proposing her plan to Rey. He feels Rey's shock. There is inner conflict inside of her - oh there is conflict.
He senses Rey's disappointment in him, her fear that he will snap and harm the baby.
It hurts.
She has no reason to fear him. Not truly.
Their link shows him the very bedchamber they stand in as Rey breaks out in a rash.
Ah.
Kylo understands now. The anxiety attack was a physical manifestation of her anguish over deciding to kill him.
She was still conflicted.
Through the Force, Rey communicates the journey of her emotions until she confesses her love for him. Her conflict evaporates and Rey's mind is made up: she will not do Witt's bidding.
But then he drinks and she panics.
She shows Kylo that didn't let him fall - she catches him. She stops to make sure he's alive.
And then she takes revenge. For him. Like a dark angel, she slays Witt.
"Rey…" Kylo's outstretched arm reaches for her.
"No," She jerks away, "You don't get to touch me. Not after what you just did."
"I wouldn't hurt you. You have to know that."
"I don't."
Anger rages in Kylo at her words but instead of reacting, he forces himself to calm down.
"Rey. All I want to do is love you and make you happy."
Kylo approaches her again and presses his hand against the small of her back.
"No," she pushes against his chest.
"Yes," Kylo uses his height to his advantage and towers over her, settling both hands on her hips. She takes a step back, glaring at him and ready to fight. Kylo feels the Force storming inside of her, but then it stills as quickly as it starts.
She does not try to recoil from him or shout.
A good sign.
"I can't tell you what it means to me, Rey. That you would risk your life to defend me. But it shouldn't be that way. You should have told me."
Her gaze lowers.
"I'm sorry."
An apology from Rey. Kylo commits the rare occurrence to memory.
"My precious little scavenger," he wipes a tendril of hair from her sweaty face, "I forgive you. After all, you've already forgiven me for so much," he kisses the top of her head gently.
His eyes sweep over her again.
One-on-one, Witt was never going to be a threat to Rey. He has no doubt. But seeing Rey pregnant and battered kills him.
He sees the fingerprints again - his fingerprints - red and blotchy around her neck.
Self loathing creeps into his body, it eats away at him.
It's not his fault. He didn't really hurt her. He was just holding her still.
He is not a monster. He isn't.
"You need bacta treatment, Rey."
The bacta formula will wipe away the evidence of his failure to control his temper.
It will be a fresh start. For both of them. She won't hide information from him anymore, and he will try to be more gentle when he needs to teach her a lesson.
"And Rose?"
"Tico will be sent back to her cell. I will allow her to attend the wedding - I know it's important to you."
Kylo thinks his compromise is beyond generous.
"I don't need bacta right now," Rey says, "I've been through worse."
Doesn't he know it.
"I should be with you, Kylo," she answers simply, "I should be standing by your side. You can't afford to miss any more signs of betrayal. First the Knights and now Witt. And, I...I still love you. This misunderstanding doesn't change that," she finishes, her last few words coming out broken and stuttering.
Pointing out his multiple failures should be humiliating, but Kylo only feels relief at her declaration of love.
She understands him. She understands that he didn't mean to frighten her. Kylo leans down, pressing his lips to her forehead.
"Do you mean that?"
"I do."
At least he has Rey. Together they are unstoppable.
Although, he realizes, the energy he devotes to monitoring Rey must be dispersed. His hold on the First Order is sloppy. It is not sustainable.
Kylo does not know who Witt recruited or who currently stands with or against him. All high ranking officials must be kept in close proximity and monitored.
He wants them all on the flagship for the wedding. If any officials are planning a coup, he wants to be the first to sense their intent.
Then, a monumental realization hits him.
Rey had the opportunity to flee after delivering justice to Witt, but she chose to stay.
That alone is enough to warrant her joining him at the helm of the flagship. If anything, Kylo needs her Force abilities to uncover any more conspirators. Dealing with the aftermath of Witt's treachery will be a messy task.
But he can't have her looking like this at their wedding.
"You will accompany me after you've had bacta treatment, and after you check in with Doctor Veduta. And Rey?"
"Yes?"
Kylo has one last test for her. He wants to do away with a certain insecurity festering in his mind.
"Tonight, after things have settled, you will go to bed with me. Because you want to. Don't you?"
He spells it out for her. He wants no misunderstandings, no miscommunications. If she loves him, she should want him in every way possible.
Tico makes a small noise from the corner of the room. He shoots her a look and she quiets. Kylo turns back to Rey and for a fleeting moment she appears outraged, but as soon as he spots it, it's gone.
Maybe he imagined it.
"Yes," she says softly, "because I want to."
Something tugs at the corner of Kylo's mouth.
A smile.
"You're going to make a beautiful bride, Rey."