Road of Tears

Chapter 2

Seemed like she wasn't the only one that was awe struck by the size of Bastion, they all were. Looks like it was the first tour for all of them. Mansfield made her laugh with his remark about the size of the sun, she thought she was thick but that took the biscuit. He hadn't realised that it would be so big. It was like being in a self-contained town Bastion was so large, storage containers, hospital, even Burger King and PizzaHut.

Captain James was already getting on her tits, she knew he was a Rupert and all that but did he have to be so bloody mean. The comment about lobbing her out the plane was so unnecessary, and the stags only – well no one told her where she was meant to be going, did he think she was physic or that she was going to jump them all in the night? She wondered if he was born with that rod up his arse or whether he just grew into it. Still, she had to admit he ticked a few boxes, he was easy on the eye she smirked to herself.

As she came out of the tent, well of all the luck, standing there was her mate Jackie.

"Jacs, Jacs" she called loudly and walked quickly to her mate carrying all her belongings, then dropping them in the dust to hug her.

Captain James was watching from the entrance to the tent shaking his head at the interaction. He had met Private Jackie Aston on his last tour when Geraint had been killed. Good CMT, maybe he could take her with them if Private Dawes didn't shape up quickly. What did she think this was, a bloody holiday camp?

-OG-

Jackie took her back to the women's tent and showed her the empty cot next to hers.

"Well, this is a surprise Molls" she beamed "Stow your stuff and we can go for a Pizza"

"Thanks mate" sighed Molly "seems my plank of a Captain thinks I should just know my way around."

"Who is it?"

"Captain James"

"He's alright" grinned Jackie "he was the one that brought Smurfs brother back after he was shot, didn't want to leave him as a trophy for the Taliban. He'd do the same for you Moll"

"Doubt it mate" laughed Molly and rolled her eyes "But let's hope he don't have to"

The siren started and Molly looked startled. "Its incoming casualties, come on" said Jackie as Molly stood routed to the spot "Come on Molls, you're a medic and we're all needed."

Molly ran with Jackie to the hospital blocks and saw the first casualty. An American by the looks of the uniform, his hands were twitching against his sides and his leg was missing from the knee. She just stood there frozen, unable to move, just staring at the man on the stretcher. She felt her tongue stick to the roof of her mouth, this was real and it looked so different from the training exercise she had been taken off to come here.

"Molly, Molly" she heard Jackie call and it sounded like she was miles away before it finally registered and she looked into Jackie's re-assuring eyes and picked up the stretcher. As they went down the corridor, you could see rooms full of doctors with patients and various injuries, blood soaked dressings lying on the floors. What the hell was she doing here, what made her think she could do this?

The noise, the smells, the fear in the eyes of the soldiers. She didn't notice the Major at first "Pull yourself together or get out" she barked irritated that Molly was just standing in the middle of the corridor her eyes wide with the horror of what she was witnessing routed to the spot. It was enough to shake Molly out of her almost catatonic state and start helping where she could.

Three hours later, she was sat next to Jackie on one of the benches just outside the hospital. Jackie put her arm around her shoulders as Molly continued wringing her hands unable to get the sights and sounds out of her head.

"I just froze Jacs, I thought my training would just kick in" she sobbed, tears starting to fall onto her hands as Jackie passed a tissue from her pocket to her "It's nothing like on the combat training fields."

"No Molly it isn't" she sighed at some of the things they had seen there today "but don't worry you did good in the end and it was a bad one for your first time" she remembered her first time out here and she remembered how hard it was and that all the training in the world didn't prepare you for what you would see. "Come on we never got that Pizza and you have a 06.00 run in the morning with the dishy Captain" Molly sniggered and wiped her face "that's better, come on." Rubbing her back before standing up.

-OG-

Molly was flat on her back in her cot sweating buckets but at least she was starting to get control of her breathing again, fortunately there was no one else there. She would lie here for a bit before getting a shower. She was shattered. Bloody Captain James was an absolute bastard, it was a shame he was her CO because right at this minute she would love to lamp him one. Asked her was she going to let someone bleed out while she was gasping like a puffer fish and that he was stuck with the only medic frightened of blood. Didn't even have the decency like her old CO and talk quietly to her help her improve, just bawled her out in front of the whole section, now they all thought she was a complete waste of space. To think they were flying out the next day to the Forward Operating Base and she was going to be stuck with the bastard for six months.

Charles went to see Major Beck with his concerns about the medic. Not just her fitness, but he had heard she froze in the hospital and he couldn't have someone like that on his team, not where they were going. She would be the only one able to provide medical care and it could be life or death, he needed someone with more experience and could Private Jackie Aston be assigned?

Major Beck gave him a hard stare "This is your forth tour, have you forgotten your first already Charles?" Charles had the good grace to look down "Yes Charles you were an inexperienced 2nd Lieutenant, not sure what you were doing, but you had a very experienced Sergeant who guided you, helped you through it. The training reports are good for Private Dawes, she just needs that same guidance you had."

Charles stood up, seems like he would have to take Dawes with him.

-OG-

They were all standing to attention next to the helicopter when Captain James marched out to stand in front of them. His eye caught hers but there was no way she was going to smile this time, she had learnt her lesson. He started on his pep talk about where they were going, that the operation involved hearts and minds. Then went on to tell them what made the British Army great. To be fair, the bit about there will be things on this tour you will always remember and looking after the man next to you almost made her well up, shame it had to be Smurf next to her. She really wasn't sure he should be here with some of the things he was saying about the Afghans.

They arrived at the FOB and as Molly looked around it did look bleak and basic after having come from Bastion. She found the medical tent and started unpacking her medical gear. She was on her own now, she needed to get a grip, prove herself, and show that all her training meant something. She didn't have Jackie here to ask, so she would just have stand on her own two feet and remember everything she had learnt while training. It was also obvious that the tent here wasn't stags only and she was expected to bunk down with 2 section. She just hoped they didn't snore too loudly.

Mind you they were a smashing set of blokes. Brains and Fingers set up a screen with the union jack flag so she at least had a bit of privacy. Mansfield always brought a smile to her face whenever he brought up the subject that his mum thought he looked like Prince Harry. Baz and Nudenut, well they were just overgrown school kids always taking the piss. Dangles was a bit of a dark horse, but she felt he had had a similar dysfunctional upbringing to hers, never mentioned his dad but always going on about his mum and his brothers.

Corporal Kinders tried to pretend he wasn't one of the lads but failed miserably as he invariably joined in with some of their high jinks.

-OG-

Ever since she was able to answer Captain James question about what had they learnt, then treated his blisters and made him laugh, he didn't seem quite so keen to knock her down. It became a challenge for her to make him laugh. He looked so much better when he did and it helped to brighten up her otherwise dull days going on patrols. It was just a shame he had to tell Smurf what she had said in confidence about his mental state, because now the Welshman had told the whole section she was a slapper and they had sent her to Coventry. Fingers had even chucked her mail on the floor, rather than passing it to her. Her package was wrecked and her mum writing she missed her in the letter just made her think of home, how lonely she was here and she wished that Jackie was here with her, so she had someone to talk to. Tell her she was doing OK and she wasn't a complete twat, because that's how she felt. The only ones talking to her now were Qassem and Captain James and he didn't talk with her much and she certainly didn't want to talk about how she was feeling with him. He would probably just tell her she was right and she was an idiot.

-OG-

Charles had been guided by Major Beck and stuck with it with Private Dawes and yes she was the class clown, he couldn't believe that comment about lollipop men with guns and left him with no choice but to slap her down. But he now felt that nerves and wanting to fit in made her say some of those things. He knew she had been struggling to fit in, being the only woman and Smurf telling the lads some story about her had isolated her from the group. He had to take some responsibility for that as he was the one that called Smurf into the ops room to have a word about his attitude, if he had thought it through properly saying the medic had concerns about it probably wasn't the most sensible way he could have phrased it. Especially as he was worried about his attitude himself after he had emptied his weapon into that hut. It could have been catastrophic if children had been playing there.

He was getting to the stage where he felt he would have to step in as it was causing problems but he didn't need to, she changed all that for herself and the lads adored her, thought of her as one of them, and always included her now. Smurf had gone wandering off after one of the children and been shot by a sniper, ending up in the minefield, of course he had to be the one carrying the bloody vallon didn't he. Dawes was insistent that she could do it and crawled across the minefield to save her mate Smurf and considering he had caused the division within the section that had left her isolated, he felt she had gone well above and beyond. On one hand he was pretty pissed that she disobeyed orders and went up on that winch, but on the other he was proud and more than a little in awe of her bravery and selflessness. She had certainly proved herself. He was waiting for her to get back from Bastion, to ball her out for disobeying him but when he saw her with all those cuts and bruises on her face and neck he deflated she looked so small and vulnerable. The way her eyes were staring at him waiting for him to do just that, expecting it from him, but he gave her an opportunity and she took it saying she hadn't heard his orders. The way her face lit up when he told her well done he felt like he had won a prize.

He must look at her records and see who it was that passed her for the army and trained her. While on one hand she was a bloody good soldier one of the best he had under his command, how she dealt with the dead insurgents, having to pronounce dead the ANA soldiers at the CP. But on the other she was a bloody nightmare. The way she wandered off to talk with Bashira without a thought or care in the world as to what could happen, happen to her! He could have wrung her bloody neck when he found her playing a game with the girl. The way she told him to shut up and toddled over to her mate Bashira, who at the time was strapped up with enough explosives to red mist them both. He remembered how breathless he sounded as he told her to step back, how he screamed at her not to go. How he had the nerve to tell her not to get fucking involved when he clearly had. With her. She had got under his skin, wormed her way in without him even realising.

In a couple of hours, she would be gone for two weeks on R&R, she had only gone and won their little Olympics which had got her leave and with that bloody puppy that followed her around, Smurf. He could see her being lifted onto the shoulders of Kinders and Dangles and the way she laughed made his heart swell, he couldn't help but laugh back. She had one of the most expressive faces he had seen, whatever she was thinking or feeling expressed in her face and those mesmerising eyes.

Perhaps he could ask her to do him a favour, he grinned as he walked across to the med tent. He pulled the flap back and walked in. Fuck, why didn't he think, she had her back to the entrance and was towelling her hair and only half dressed. Bloody hell those shorts were short. He turned slightly and coughed to show he was there, save her from being embarrassed. She turned to look at him making no attempt to cover herself and he kept looking out the corner of his eye, not sure if it was just him that was embarrassed, if someone came in this could be misconstrued. Him a Captain, her a Private and in a state of undress. He sat as far away from her as he could while she told him her worries about Bashira asking what would happen to her once they left. How could such a beautiful country be so fucked up and why would someone do something like that to Rolex Boy. He would love to have gone over there and wrapped his arms around her, protect her and make her feel safe, but he couldn't so just came out with that old line of "Do what your good at Dawes and we will all be home for Christmas" At least it made her smile as she sat on her cot, with one leg folded under her eyes wide with unshed tears.

"Right Dawes, I have a request when you get back to London" and he walked across to her and knelt down in front of her taking her hand, his other taking a pen from his pocket.

"Coffee shop, Regent Street" he grinned at her as he held her wrist and wrote 'Rosabaya' on her arm. He didn't know what possessed him to touch her as he stared at her small hand in his, one that had been so gentle when treating his blisters. He ran his hand down her wrist and interlaced his long fingers in hers, before looking up to see her staring at him transfixed. She had eyes you could lose yourself in especially when she looked at him like that.

"Come back to me"

"I will, don't worry" she replied quietly a small smile on her face.

He heard Kinders outside the tent and leapt away from her "Do the handover with the temporary medic Dawes" swung on his heels and was gone.

-OG-

Molly couldn't move, she couldn't believe what had just happened. She had been lusting over him for ages now. Once he got over his first impressions of her, he hadn't turned out that bad a Captain, didn't seem to mind her asking all those questions, even laughed sometimes. He sat and listened to her and what she had to say. Stopped making her feel so bloody useless and scared.

She couldn't say when she stopped thinking of him as just being a good looking Rupert and he was, no doubt about it, she loved to stare when he was working out in their makeshift gym, and when he got that paddling pool his mum sent him, god she didn't know how she hadn't just jumped in with him. Maybe it was when he along with the other officers were serving up their Christmas lunch, the way he looked at her and grinned when the whole table threw their Brussel sprouts at him. But most probably it changed for her when they sang together when he smiled and winked at her. She shook her head at the memory, how she didn't sink to the floor in a wet heap she will never know.

She had to pull herself together, someone like him would never look at someone like her. Class, age, education, the army all stacked against it. She sniggered, her Nan would eat someone like him for breakfast.

"Right Molly Dawes you ready for your R&R?" and she looked up to see the beaming face of her mate Jackie and they hugged in greeting. "Come on then let's get this hand over done."

They chatted as they looked at the stocks and records of who was currently getting treatment and for what.

"So how you getting on with the Captain now?" enquired Jackie while looking at the stacks of bandages. When she got no answer from Molly she looked up to see her looking at the ground and her cheeks a little pink "Come on spill Molls" smiled Jackie sitting down on the cot and Molly followed suit.

"I really like him Jacs" sighed Molly "I mean really like him."

"Does he know, does he like you?" and Molly shrugged.

"Dunno, think so" showing her arm and telling her what had happened moments before "You won't say nothing will you Jacs?"

"Course not you silly mare" chuckled Jackie before getting serious and putting her arm round her "But be careful Molls, nothing can happen on tour it would wreck your careers, the army take a very dim view about relationships between ranks. He's based in Catterick and you are in Keogh" she sighed "Look enjoy your R&R and think about it, might just be infatuation being in close proximity and it will pass once you get back home, back to normal" Molly nodded "You are over halfway through this tour, wait out and see what happens when you all get back."

"Thanks, Jacs, knew you would help" she smiled "You gonna be alright with this lot of cockwombles?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine now go on get on that helicopter. Get out of here and enjoy yourself, have a glass of wine for me"

"Only one Jacs?" she laughed as she swung her Bergen on her back ready to leave.

-OG-

Molly was still worried about Smurf, he still seemed to think that the only good Afghan was a dead one, mind you she was having a few nightmares lately kept seeing Rolex Boy, every time she shut her eyes. She didn't know why she thought of him as a kid, well probably because he got conned into believing that watch was real, he was probably only a couple of years younger than her, but he didn't deserve that, to be shot in the back.

She spent time with Smurf and his mum in Newport before bringing him back to London and her family. She hoped the break would calm him a bit, she was still worried about some of the things he said. He talked of them going to Vegas and him getting her a red dress, sounded horrible but she didn't want to offend him, he was her mate. He seemed to accept that is all he would be, her mate, they would never be a couple and there would be no repeat of their one and only time together. Funny how they got on now, she wasn't sure how she would have got through this tour without his friendship and introducing her to the rest of the sections, making sure she was included in the early days after he got over his anger at her. She just needed to keep an eye on him, keep him grounded. Although she wasn't entirely sure his Mum helped with her going on all the time about her bloody premonitions, he was already twitchy.

She left Smurf with her family while she went up West to get Captain James his coffee pods and all the other things on the shopping list from the lads. She was quite surprised that she did miss Captain James, he grounded her made her feel safe. Made her believe she could be a medic, that she was good at her job. Getting back to the FOB couldn't come soon enough as far as she was concerned.

-OG-

She was knackered and had to listen to Smurf for hours about how he was glad to be getting back to the fray and kicking Afghan arse. As they landed just outside the FOB and the gates opened the lads all ran up to them.

"I've got your stuff" giggled Molly as she was swamped in hugs from the section, they were definitely like under 5's as they ransacked her Bergen for Marmite, pants, eye drops, sun cream and toothpaste. She couldn't stop grinning as she spotted her Captain walking to the group, but it dropped from her face when he looked at her barely smiling at her return. Maybe she had mis-read what happened before she left, perhaps he only said that because he wanted her to get his coffee.

"Double away Dawes" he ordered "do the handover with the medic so she can get the helicopter."

"Yes Boss" not looking at him now but gathering her things back together to go to the med tent and see Jackie.

Jackie grinned at her as soon as she walked in and grabbed her arm pulling her into the tent and zipping it up.

"What" asked Molly laughing as she was pushed by Jackie onto the cot where they were now both seated with the handover paperwork.

"I got pally with one of your section" she grinned "Dangles. We're going to go out for a drink when we are both back, although he will be back before me so he said he would write."

"Thought you said they are based in Catterick, wont that be a bit 'ard, you know to go for a drink" Molly grinned back at her friend.

"Well, that's the thing Molls" she looked very pleased with herself "according to Dangles, there is some sort of reshuffle when they get back and they are relocating to…..drumroll" pausing for effect "Only bloody Aldershot" she finished off. "So maybe you will cross paths with the Captain again."

"Don't think so Jac's, he didn't look that pleased to see me" Molly sighed "think I might have misread the signals."

Before Jackie had time to reply, the zip came up and in walked Captain James. "How's the handover coming along?"

"OK Sir" replied Jackie "just a few more bits to go through".

They could hear a few of the section laughing and chatting just outside the tent.

"Yeah she came with me to Newport" laughed Smurf "Bloody hell" laughed Baz "Smurfoid charm" as the voices moved away.

Molly watched as Captain James eyes darkened and a frown appeared on his face, his hands inside his flak jacket "So you went to Newport?" he said quietly "Finish the handover and Aston the helicopter is waiting for you" he sighed, "don't bother unpacking Dawes we are going back to Bastion tomorrow" with that he swung on his heels and was gone.

Jackie shook her head watching his stiff retreating back "Don't think you did mis-read those signals judging by that reaction" she stood up raising her eyebrows.

"Nothing 'appened Jacs," responded Molly with a pleading look "I think Smurfs still a bit messed up, he's a mate and I had to make sure he's got it all squared away."

Jackie nodded in understanding "What about you Molls, are you messed up too or is it all squared away?" raising an eyebrow concerned for her friend

"Yeah all good Jacs, all put away in the box and I ain't opening it."

"Look I'd better go, see you back at Bastion" said Jackie patting her arm "We'll catch up there OK?"