Thank you so much for your kind comments. It's humbling, truly! I don't have tons of free time to write, but when I do I write like mad and hope it turns out the way I envisioned. That anyone takes the time to read this and gives feedback is amazing.
And thank you Milo - being sick sucks, but I'm lucky to have extended family nearby to help :)
This chapter is shorter, much like the earlier chapters. I anticipate the next one being longer.
Content warning for symptoms of PTSD and anxiety. IMO being around a personality like Kylo would mess with your mental health, and that does *not* make you weak. I really want to emphasize that for any readers here who are survivors.
A large part of training for battle is the ability to burn form and technique into muscle memory. How to position oneself, how to throw a punch or a combination, how to evade or block - until it becomes utterly unconscious and all attention is dedicated to higher-level decision making. The same must apply to flying a ship, because Rey does not remember navigating the TIE fighter. She vaguely recalls her hands on the controls, firing her way through space. But she has no memory of trying to patch through to a Resistance ship - any ship - to warn them that she will be landing in one of their docking bays.
It is a rough landing as the TIE skids across the floor of the hangar and slams into a wall. Rey is numb to the impact, but she runs her hands over her body, her belly - the baby is fine. Sweat runs in droplets down her face and onto her chest, accentuating her bright red rash.
She's dreamed about this moment more times than she can count. The thought of feeling safe again sustained her when Kylo wouldn't keep his hands off her, the vision of reuniting with her real family kept the wavering flame of hope inside of her alive.
But now that it's happening, his words ring like poison in her ears.
"No one in the Resistance understands why you've chosen to carry this baby to term."
Cruel warnings designed to bring her self esteem to zero.
"No one in the Resistance will help you. They understand what you really are. Discarded garbage. Dirty, discarded scavenger garbage."
His cautionary advice about Rose echoes in her mind - unwanted and brutal.
"She is disgusted that you're carrying my baby. It is abhorrent to her, she cannot fathom how you can love a child sired by the Supreme Leader."
It fills Rey with crippling self doubt, and her remaining thread of strength threatens to unravel.
Do they all find her secretly abhorrent? She hates the power that his words still have over her. She hates the way he finds a way into her mind and exploits her deepest fears.
Rey stares out of the cockpit, eyes darting wildly at the pandemonium her arrival has caused. She isn't sure who to trust, if she even has the ability to trust anymore. How does she know that the Resistance no longer considers her a traitor?
She catches the flash of a general's uniform and remembers General Holte accusing her of treason in a room full of Resistance leaders.
Even Leia worried for her well-being.
"I cannot allow harm to come to you or my grandchild, whether it is at the hand of my son or someone within the Resistance."
Someone within the Resistance.
Panic settles in her chest, as if her muscles are trying not to let another breath in. She tries not to feel haunted by his recent remarks, dripping like acid from his lips.
"You failed - for an entire year - to sense my true motives. You let me impregnate you on a rebel base. The Resistance can't be impressed with your performance."
Rey's mind becomes static, thoughts making no sense, replaying horrors she wants to forget. She fights to reclaim control over her mind, over her sanity.
She's fine. She's been dealt a rough hand before and survived. She's been surviving her entire life.
But then Rey touches the controls of the TIE and briefly considers going somewhere where no one can find her or the baby. Where there is no risk of being called a traitor.
But Leia knows. Leia knows she isn't a traitor. She will have briefed the Resistance about the intricacies of this attack - and who helped coordinate it.
Leia will vouch for her. She won't let anyone take Rey or the baby away.
Kylo Ren's baby. His son.
Rey shakes. She has to stop that mental narrative. A baby can't be taken away because his father is a tyrant. This is her child. Leia's grandson.
Resistance officers are approaching her craft, trying to communicate with her through the exterior of the ship, and before she can change her mind Rey opens the hatch. Her knuckles are white from clutching the handle of Kylo's lightsaber, and she drops softly to the ground.
She scans the crowd in front of her, trying to place a name to a face - any face. She recognizes no one.
"Rey," a man in a general's uniform addresses her, but everything that flows from his mouth sounds muffled and obscured. Rey struggles to remain upright but refuses to give in to her exhaustion - she won't be seen as weak.
The general stares at her, worried, and lifts his wrist to speak into a comlink. That's when Rey notices - really notices the expressions on the people surrounding her.
Shocked. Inquisitive. Vigilant.
They suddenly feel too close for comfort. Rey does not like the way an officer takes a step towards her, binders swinging from his belt. A nearby pilot asks if she is hurt, but only stares at the lightsaber as he speaks.
Whispers bounce off the walls and into her ears, muttering amazement that she survived - that she escaped. Someone calls out, asking if Kylo Ren is dead, and another shouts that she is a hero.
Darker whispers speculate how she escaped, especially in her condition. In the organized chaos of the hangar, they wonder if he sent her.
Then, a mechanic rolls out from under a ship, nodding at the general.
"How do we know that she's on our side?" He turns his attention to the crowd, "We all watched the way he kissed her, didn't we?"
"That's quite enough," the general orders, but the mechanic spins around to face Rey.
"We all saw the way she looked at him after he kissed her. What if she's a part of his trap?"
A tidal wave of voices rise to argue against the mechanic, but the Force around Rey darkens. She won't be threatened again.
It doesn't matter that the raving mechanic is hauled away by an officer. Her pupils dilate and her heart flutters perilously fast. She needs to see Leia.
"Rey," the general talks slowly, as if soothing a frightened child, "we only want to take you to medbay and ask a few questions. Can you do that for me?"
He advances, and Rey senses something - no someone - behind her. Her head turns slightly to the left, and she spots three officers approaching her from behind.
She doesn't hesitate.
Rey ignites the red saber and braces it steadily in front of her. It feels foreign and shakes in her hand with barely contained fear.
"Stay back. I want to speak with Leia."
Her lips quiver slightly, and her skin feels clammy. Rey tries to calculate if she can jump back into the TIE, but twists around to find it already being assessed by a maintenance crew.
The synapses in her brain fail to connect to rational thought - she only feels the instinct to fight or flee.
"No one is going to harm you, Rey. Set the laser sword on the ground - you don't need it."
Rey doesn't like men telling her what she does or doesn't need. She does not like men trying to control her; trying to take away her ability to defend herself.
She's felt robbed of her own agency for a long time.
The general's disposition changes to one that's hard to read. He mutters into his comlink in a way that is meant to be discreet but Rey hears every word.
"I need someone from medbay to bring a sedative and stretcher. I have a woman who is pregnant and suffering from extreme trauma -"
Is that what they think? That she's gone mad? That they need to drug her?
Rage unfurls inside of Rey as her throat constricts. Another memory, an ugly one, rears inside her head: Kylo forcefully restraining her on Ahch-To as he jams a needle into her thigh. Her screams begging him to stop, shouting that she doesn't want drugs in her body.
Kylo not giving a damn.
The grief inside protests against her strength, yearning to let loose, but Rey can't let that happen. Not in front of the Resistance. She won't let anyone, especially not another man, dictate what happens to her body.
"You're not touching me," Rey snaps at the general, jabbing the saber in his direction, "I need to see Leia. She is expecting me."
Rey swallows painfully, wondering why Leia has not made contact yet. She tries to quiet her nerves by reprimanding herself for being selfish - they are currently at war. There is a crucial battle taking place and it calls for Leia's full attention. This isn't just about her.
The mood in the hangar is tense, and the general awkwardly tries again. His words are well-meaning but stilted, and there is a hollowness to them that Rey can't ignore.
"You're safe here, Rey. Deactivate the sword. We want you to come willingly."
She shakes her head and circles the saber around, frantic to know if any traps are being set to restrain her. Desperation and panic begin to override all other senses, when Rey spots a flash of blonde hair behind the general. The head bobs through the mass of bodies swiftly, and Rey's eyes widen in relieved surprise.
Connix?
"General Tan," Lieutenant Kaydel Connix steps in front of him, "I can take things from here. I have direct orders from General Organa."
General Tan reddens at being overridden by a lieutenant. Before he can formulate a reply, Kaydel amplifies her voice and frowns at the soldiers surrounding Rey.
"What are you standing around for? We've got a war to win. Go," Kaydel orders, and Rey hears the thunder of boots as they leave.
Gradually, she feels a blanket of calm flow over her, loosening her strained muscles and making her want nothing more than to slide slowly to the ground. She clamps her eyes shut and tears run unchecked down her cheeks.
"Rey," Kaydel offers her a small, genuine smile, "Leia is on the bridge. She's glad you made it."
Collapsing sounds more appealing by the second, and Rey turns off the lightsaber. Her grip relaxes and the saber falls to the ground. She massages her wrist, deciding it feels good not to be in possession of such a thing.
"What about Rose?"
She can't focus until she knows Rose's fate. If Rose was killed, if her friend was gravely injured -
"Rose is fine. She's in medbay - for minor wounds."
Rey nearly goes boneless as the fatigue and exhaustion she had been fighting overwhelms her. Loud noises are coming from her body, her small frame shaking violently as she weeps.
Kaydel is just a few strides away now, and she bends to pick up the lightsaber. When she stands, she turns around and gives a group personnel permission to come forward.
Rey draws back, but stops short when she notices they are all women, and none of them have binders or restraints.
Kaydel places a hand on her shoulder.
"Before you speak with Leia, would you like to change out of that gown?"
Oh.
She 's right. She is wearing a wedding dress.
Rey's eyes shift downward to catch her reflection through the grime and shoe prints on the floor. She sees the dirt and filth on her face, the gown that resembles rags is stained with blood, and her mouth is bruised from his rough, forced kisses.
"That's - not a bad idea."
She wants to say more, so has so many questions - but her surroundings tilt and sway and her vision becomes foggy. The last thing she remembers is a swarm of arms holding her up to prevent her from hitting the ground.
And then - darkness.