Road of Tears

Chapter 4

They started the drive back to Aldershot in silence, she really didn't know what to say to him. She had seen how upset Georgie was when he didn't turn up for their wedding, she really couldn't think of a reason good enough to do something like that to someone. He was Charles mate and surely he wouldn't have stayed mates with him if he was a complete bastard, unless he was one as well of course?

"So how is Georgie?" he asked looking at her out the corner of his eye as he drove down the motorway taking her back to Aldershot at Charles request.

"Alright" she answered never taking her eyes from the side window looking at the scenery racing past them.

"Chatty ain't ya?"

"Look mate" and she turned to look at him and out the corner of his eye he could see what Charles saw in her, her face and eyes showing exactly what she was thinking "She's my mate and I ain't telling you nothing. My loyalty is to her" she nodded before mumbling "fuckwit."

He sighed, took a deep breath "Look Molly, I loved her, I mean really loved her." He snorted a laugh raising his eyebrows "Still do"

"You had a funny way of showing it."

"Right up to the morning of the wedding it was what I wanted more than anything" sighing "then something happened, I was told ….." he looked again out the corner of his eye, she had only stuck her fingers in her ears.

"La, la, la" she sang tunelessly "I don't wanna know, if you tell me I will tell her she's me mate" she poked her finger at him, "you should be the one to tell her not me, so I don't wanna know."

"Well, that's the thing Dawesy" he sighed using her nickname "don't know how but I miss her like hell."

Molly looked at him, really looked at him as he was concentrating on the road and she could see his pained expression, maybe he did have regrets but he needed to sort them, fix them or move on.

"Well fuckwit you will have to grow a pair and tell her" he sniggered a laugh.

"Are you always going to call me that?"

"Dunno, might do, it suit's you" she grinned.

"I think Charlie will want us to be friends" he looked at her out the corner of his eye "If you are going to stay in his life" and watched as he saw her grin in the wing mirror.

"Then don't try and get me to do your dirty work. You sort out whatever it is between you and Georgie, she's me mate and I ain't lying to her or keeping stuff from her" she sighed "I will tell her I've seen you but I ain't getting the cold shoulder because you couldn't be arsed to turn up for your own fuckin wedding or have the decency to explain why."

"Fair enough" and he had to admire her for her loyalty to her friends and she wasn't frightened at telling him how it was or putting him in his place.

"So how is your mate Smurf?" he asked thinking it best to change the subject.

"Yeah, he's good. He should be going home soon" she looked at him narrowing her eyes "So how do you and Charles know each other?"

"Long story" grinned Elvis "We met at Sandhurst been besties ever since" making her giggle and him raising an eyebrow as he looked across at her. "He's a good bloke, deserves a bit of happiness" still taking odd glances across to her "Rebecca just tried to trap him, very honourable our Charlie."

"Why do you keep calling him that when you know he don't like it?"

"Keeps him on his toes and stops that rod getting too embedded up his arse" he could hear her giggling "I have a feeling that you're the one to remove it."

"Dunno mate he's probably tripping on Morphine" she laughed.

"Don't put yourself down Dawesy" he smirked "I have a funny feeling you are the one he's been waiting for."

"You really are a fuckwit ain't ya?"

"There was me thinking we had got past that and were mates now" her peals of laughter making him laugh himself as he shook his head.

He dropped her at the gates, she grinned and waved as she walked through with all her stuff not once turning back. He couldn't help but smirk as he thought 'you've met your match there Charlie boy'

-OG-

The next week was hectic getting ready for the parade. Formation marching, being practised every day, Corporal Kinders bellowing every time they got it wrong. Uniforms had to be cleaned, pressed, buttons gleaming and boots you could see your own reflection in.

She and Charles spoke every day, she could hear that he was getting stronger, had turned the corner. She just had to hope that he didn't mean it that he would jack in his career to be with her. He'd been in the army for years so why should he, she certainly wasn't worth it.

The parade came soon enough and they marched out, Kinders making the address and she was mortified that she was getting special recognition for saving Smurf. She was to be given the Military Cross for just doing her bloody job! She could see her Mum, Dad and Nan grinning. Her Mum looking to her Dad for his opinion and he seemed to be beaming at her and nodding his head. Her Nan looked like she had tears in her eyes and she could see that she was dead proud.

It was finally over and they were dismissed, finally her leave was starting. She went back to London with her parents and Nan. Her Nan was brilliant and had hired another Corsa to get them there. She couldn't believe how nice her Dad was being, he had barely spoken with her since she joined up. She had known him long enough, there was probably a reason behind it somewhere.

Mind you good news though, Charles had phoned to tell her he was being discharged from hospital and could go home to Bath for a while before he started intensive rehab at Headley Court. They had made arrangements that she would go to Bath and meet him for lunch next week. She was really looking forward to seeing him again. Phone calls would never make up for the real thing. Her Nan knew about her and Captain James, she knew that Molly was distracted, maybe pinning for something.

Nan had collared her and told her to come to her flat for a cup of tea and a chat. She told her everything that had happened out there, in Afghan. How she thought she wrecked Bashira's life, how Captain James had shot her father, that she had killed a goat herder who had shot her Captain. Nan wasn't stupid, nearly every sentence mentioned her Captain, not Smurf. Her eyes were bright and she always smiled every time she said his name, this man was important to her granddaughter she would see that a mile away.

"Is it serious?" asked Nan.

"Is what serious?"

"You and the Captain, how old is he?"

"Well older than me" she replied bashfully "Reckons I taught him more than he learnt in a year at Sandhurst and 4 tours Nan" her grin widening "Not sure what mind" sighing "we are going for lunch in Bath next week."

"Bath aye!" She chuckled "You'd best get yourself a posh new frock."

-OG-

She got the train to Bath and walked to the restaurant he had booked. Suddenly taken with nerves, what if he wasn't there and didn't turn up, she would never be able to afford a place like this to eat, it looked well posh. She was glad she had taken her Nans advice and got herself a new dress, in fact everything she was wearing was new. He had never seen her in anything except combats and she wanted to make an impression.

She took a deep lungful of air and walked through the door to reception and asked if Captain James was there. Tentatively moving into the restaurant after being directed to the table where he was waiting for her. She felt this little fluttery sensation deep inside her chest when she saw him looking down at his hands on the table, waiting for her. She too had never seen him in civvies. Light blue shirt and dark blue jacket. He looked so different and she grinned just as he looked up and saw her at the entrance returning the smile. He stood, his injured leg trapped inside a boot as he hobbled towards her, kissing her on the cheek. She felt she was going to burst the way he had made her feel.

"It's well nice here ain't it Boss" she grinned and he raised his eyebrow "Sorry, force of habit, I mean Charles" she giggled.

"The restaurant" he asked looking around but shaking his head at her laughter at using his name "You aren't intending on calling me Boss for the rest of our lives are you?"

"Bit previous ain't you?" Molly scanning his face to see if he was joking, winding her up but could see nothing other than sincerity. "I mean Bath looks nice."

-OG-

They had a lovely meal and chatted all the way through. To be fair she had drunk most of the wine as he was still on heavy duty pain meds so that helped with her nerves a bit as far as she was concerned. She thought he looked particularly cute when he told her his parents were away in Lake Garda and they had the house to themselves. Couldn't help but smile broadly at his bashfulness. He burst out laughing when she said she thought they would have to go halves on a Travel Lodge.

As soon as she saw the house she felt out of place, this was so different from anything she had ever seen as he took her hand it felt warm and comforting as they went inside, crikey even the hall was huge as she looked up the staircase.

"Blimey" she gasped "It's even got one of them staircases that people fall down."

"What?"

"You know like in the Omen" it sort of made her feel a bit dizzy just looking up as the staircase went round to the different floors.

Charles squeezed her hand shaking his head and grinning, where did she come up with these things, they were so random sometimes. It had been a long time since he had felt this happy as he pulled her towards the staircase and his room.

Her hair was beautiful he thought, he had been desperate to touch it as he ran his hand through it before bringing his hand back to her cheek and using his thumb to stroke her lip.

"Are you sure Molly?" he asked looking straight into her eyes and hoping that she hadn't changed her mind. She nodded giving a small tentative smile as he brought his head down to kiss her. He had every intention of taking this slowly, they had waited out, and he wanted to savour every moment, show her just what it was like to be made love to. They had talked enough on tour to realise that no man had loved her like he did make her feel special.

"Look at me Molly" he whispered close to her mouth and her eyes shot open. They really were the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen, so expressive. Seemed to change colour based on her emotions.

"Charlie" she whispered back as her arms and legs wrapped themselves around him, every part of her clenching and holding on, she had never felt this special before. It took him to a new level of ecstasy, one he hadn't felt before himself. That she was completely uninhibited with her feelings, making him feel 10 feet tall as she moved under him. Perhaps he wouldn't last as long as he first thought.

When he woke the following morning, he could feel pressure on his chest and looked down to see Molly Dawes still there, her hair over her face and tickling his chest. He felt this overwhelming urge to stroke it and started twisting it into ringlets before running his fingers through to push it away. He knew it would be beautiful to touch when he saw it loose in Afghan when they were on stage singing.

He kissed the top of her head and told her he loved her as he wrapped his arms around her. She made him remember things he had long forgotten, how to laugh, how to be happy – and he was. This had to be one of the best days of his life, not realising that one of the worst was yet to come.

-OG-

Molly caught the train back to London and went straight to bed, knackered at having been up half the night. She couldn't help but grin as she dosed she had never been made to feel so special in all her life. Charles thought she was still asleep when he declared he loved her, but she wasn't, she heard him. Her heart burst at the thought that someone like him would love someone like her, but her sensible side said take it slow, it can't be real.

Her eyes felt gritty with tiredness as she was woken from her dreaming by her mother calling up to her saying she had a visitor. She got up and walked down the stairs to see Smurf in their living room.

"Why aren't you at home with your mum?" she asked looking at his arm still strapped up in a sling. He shrugged "She's driving me mad Molls, keeps trying to look after me, wrap me in cotton wool" he laughed "So thought I could come and visit my mate in the bright lights."

"You wanna go for a beer mate?" asked Dave.

"Come on then, let's get out of here" she grinned at him, completely ignoring her father's suggestion.

They went to visit some of the sites, even took a black cab because Smurf liked them before ending up at the Boleyn ground. Smurf was mucking about as Molly was laughing at him when he collapsed. He had been complaining of a headache and she had given him a paracetamol. The ambulance was called but he was dead before he even got to the hospital.

She called Charles as she sat sobbing outside the hospital on a bench, but it went through to his voicemail. How she managed to get the words out she didn't know, she couldn't stop crying at the loss of her mate and the shock of it all. She wished Jackie was home from Afghan she could go and see her, she would know what to say.

She got her phone back out her pocket and phoned Georgie. She would understand she was a medic, had the experience with the extra years in the army, make her feel better, that she wasn't a complete waste of space for not noticing that Smurf was ill.

Georgie told her to pack a bag and come up to Manchester, they hadn't seen each other since before she was deployed.

"Come on Molls, we can take care of you."

Molly turned off her phone, went back to her parents, packed a bag and got the underground to Euston. By the time she arrived Georgie was waiting for her on the platform. She burst into tears as soon as Georgie hugged her. Georgie guided her to the parking bays where her father was waiting to drive them back to their house.

Molly switched her phone back on in the room Georgie told her was hers for her stay. Charles had left several messages telling her to phone him, each one more frantic than the last. She couldn't face talking with him at the moment. She needed time to process everything, to get this straight in her nut. That she was a crap medic, missed the signs in Smurf, what her feelings were for her Charles and did he really want her or was she just a distraction for him after his divorce? Then there was meeting up with Georgie's ex-fiancé, how was she going to tell Georgie? She knew she had to, she wasn't going to keep this from her. Everything whirling around in her brain it was all such a fucking mess. She couldn't find peace in her nut and tossed and turned as she kept thinking, what had she missed.

-OG-

The following morning Georgie suggested they go out shopping, show her what Manchester had to offer. They could talk more over coffee and lunch.

"You aren't to blame for Smurf" started Georgie "Christ a small brain bleed, who's to say if it was the first or second shooting that started it or if he had it before he even left for Afghan" she patted her friends hand "you said yourself that he seemed a bit obsessive about his brother's death and wanting revenge, it was a bit out of character, could have been a bleed or not processing his grief for his twin" she shrugged "it was down to the doctors in Bastion to find it, not you as the medic, you don't carry that kind of technology in your Bergen," Molly couldn't help but snigger. "Don't ever blame yourself, there probably were no signs and it could have happened at any time, at least he wasn't alone, he had his mate with him when it happened."

"Yeah you're right George" she sighed "I'm being silly ain't I?"

"Not silly Molly, just caring" hugging her friend "we all worry if we have done enough when something like this happens, if there was something we missed, but invariably there was nothing we could do, we can only do our best and you did" smiling at her then shrugging as a frown crossed her face and she thought of men she had been unable to save while on tour "anyway, changing the subject, I was meant to be going out tonight with my sisters, a meal and a few drinks, would you be up for it or shall I cancel?"

Molly was horrified that her friend would cancel her night out for her "No go, I'll get the train back to London."

"I know he was you're mate but if you were up for it you could come too" she sighed "Cheer you up a bit, we can carry on talking and put your mind at rest, catch up on all the gossip about the girls since I've been up here and then you could get the train back tomorrow morning?" Molly thought about it, there was lots she still had to tell Georgie including she had met up with Elvis. She nodded and gave a watery smile "Yeah! Thanks George it's been a while ain't it?"

Molly hadn't been expecting to go out and hadn't brought anything with her so as they were in the Trafford Centre she thought she could buy a nice top to go with her jeans. When they got back to Georgie's parents she went up to her room just as her phone started ringing again. She looked at the display, it was Charles again but this time she felt she could answer, Georgie had made her feel a bit better.

"Hello"

"Where the fuck are you? I've been out of my mind with worry" started Charles trying to rein in some of his concern for her "Your parents said you had gone away for a couple of days?"

"You phoned my parents?" she queried.

"Well, you weren't picking up were you?"

"Sorry" she sighed "Just needed to talk to someone."

"You could have talked with me." She detected hurt in his voice.

"But you're not a medic" she felt her voice give and the first tear fell on her cheek "I needed to make sure it wasn't my fault."

"Of course, it wasn't" he sighed "You're in Manchester aren't you? When will you be back?"

"Sometime tomorrow."

"Are you going to tell her about Elvis?"

"Yes."

"Molly" he sighed again "Please don't shut me out. I love you."

"Ditto"

He snorted a laugh "I rather expected something a bit more romantic than that Dawes" making her laugh in response.

-OG-

The four girls went to a Chinese restaurant, Molly, Georgie and her two sisters Marie and Lulu. Actually, Molly quite enjoyed their company, they were a good laugh and it took her mind off everything that was going through her brain at the moment. They went onto a club although Molly didn't really feel up to it but was happy to sit there with her wine while Georgie's sisters went up to dance, which was a turn up for her, she always liked to dance.

"Georgie, there is something I have to tell you" turning to face her friend "I saw Elvis the other week" she drew in a large breath "He's mates with Charles."

"What Captain Charles James?" and Molly nodded "So what is it with you and the Captain then?"

"He was me Captain on tour" Molly broke out into one of her huge grins "Dunno yet, but he's special, I really like him."

"Yeah he's a good bloke, very kind when Elvis didn't turn up" and Molly could see her eyes fill with tears "Did he say why he didn't turn up?" she asked sheepishly.

"He said he wanted to marry you, but something happened" looking at her friend "I didn't want to know George, it's down to him to tell you not me. But I wanted you to know, I think he still cares about you, wants you back."

"Too late, he's had a year to tell me and hasn't."

"True" she shrugged herself "I think he regrets it though George and wishes it were different."

"I've met someone, early days but he's a doctor, we've gone out a few times, he doesn't know anything about what happened between me and Elvis." Molly whistled not really sure that pretending Elvis didn't exist was a bit odd "but I don't want Elvis to know anything about me."

"I don't know what will happen in the future between me and Charles, probably nothing" she paused "you know with him and Charles being mates will it be a problem?"

"No Molls it's not a problem" she stated.

Molly nodded "OK if you're sure, Elvis won't get any gossip from me" she grinned at her friend.

"Oh, and Molls don't put yourself down, there is no reason at all why someone like Captain James shouldn't fall for you."

"We're so different though."

"You know what they say about opposites attracting, just enjoy it Moll you might find you both make each other very happy and you both deserve it" she carried on "Elvis said his ex-wife was a right stuck up cow."

-OG-

Molly had come back to London, the days passing until the funeral in Newport. She heard from Brains, Dangles and Fingers, everyone was coming including their Captain. They were going to be pall bearers and wondered if she was up for walking behind the coffin.

It was a horrendous day. Although the sun shone which always struck Molly as thoughtless, it should be raining like it did at her Granddad's funeral. She looked up at the pulpit and Charles looked particularly sad as if this eulogy was very difficult for him. Candy Smith had got him to do the same reading as he did for Geraint and from the look of him he was finding it very difficult indeed. She wished they weren't all in uniform, she would have run to him and hugged him, tried to make him feel better. It really hadn't helped when Candy told him that she had given the army her boys and all she got back was a flag. Smurf had at least come home alive and they weren't to know he had a bleed on the brain. She was his mother so she would always look for blame for her son's death but it really wasn't Charles fault any more than hers for not noticing or being able to do anything.

This was the first time she had seen him since their date. He was walking on sticks but he looked pale, he had lost weight and his uniform looked a bit big for him and she wasn't sure that he should have been here at all. He can't have got rid of the boot already.

"How did you get here?" she asked and he nodded in the direction of Elvis who was standing to the side trying not to be noticed in his uniform and there to support his mate.

"The fuckwit" she snorted a laugh and Charles broke out into a wide grin.

"Yep, I can't drive and neither can you" he leant forward "Come back with me" she looked up into his dark eyes full of concern for her, her own filling with unshed tears, the sadness of it all. She had news for him, something she needed to tell him and she wasn't entirely sure how he would take it as she nodded.

-OG-

The drive back to Bath from Newport was quiet, although Elvis did try and jolly them along a bit with light conversation. When they arrived back he helped Charles from the car. His hand in his pocket extracting his keys, "are you coming in Elvis?"

"Nope, don't need to be playing gooseberry to you two" he laughed "Is there anywhere you need to be Dawesy, I can pick you up when you are ready?"

"I need to be in Aldershot tomorrow" she said quietly, Elvis looked at her intently while Charles swung round, also looking at her with narrowed eyes.

"You should still be on leave" he queried.

"Well, I took your advice" she started, telling him on the doorstep hadn't been her intention "I'm going back" she hesitated as his face clouded "I'm going back to Afghan to train medics for 3 months."

"Shit" whispered Elvis "I'll leave you to it" looking at Charles sullen face "I'll come back and pick you up tomorrow Molly" he waved and was gone. The two of them just staring at each other before he finally got his keys out and let them in.

-OG-

Charles walked through to the kitchen Molly following behind, she could see his shoulders slumped.

"Why Molly?"

"You suggested it, said I was still on a journey and you would be in Headley" she put her hand on his back. He snorted a laugh although he didn't find it remotely funny "You spent that entire tour not doing what I told you and this time you decide to" he turned to face her his dark eyes sad at the fact she was leaving him so soon, he had missed her. Her hands moved up his chest and round his neck, her eyes never leaving his as her hands stroked the curls that were starting to form at the back of his neck.

"It's only 3 months Charles, I need to know I didn't fuck up."

"You didn't" he pleaded unable to drag his eyes away from hers.

"I did, I got involved, Bashira has lost her whole family and that's my fault."

"Yes she has but that wasn't your fault, she has also been given an opportunity that she may never have had if it hadn't been for you" his hand coming to her face his thumb stroking her cheek. "I won't be there, I won't be able to protect you."

"I don't need protecting Charles" she grinned at him "You really are going to have to see where I was brought up mate."

"Would love to" as his head came down to kiss her

"I'm gonna be training Medics, no war, no missions, will even get to see Jackie before she comes back" she laughed "I need to do this Charlie" she whispered and he nodded before he wrapped his arms around her wishing he could keep her here with him. But she was right, he would be leaving in a few days himself for 2 months in Headley.

"Keep your head down" he whispered against her ear "and your arse" as his hands travelled down to it "Come back to me."

"You know I will" her eyes sparkling with unshed tears as he crashed his mouth to hers.

-OG-

Elvis was true to his word and came back to pick her up and take her back to Aldershot.

"You gonna be alright getting to Brize?" he asked.

"Course mate."

"That's an improvement"

"What is?"

"Thought I was always gonna be referred to as fuckwit" he laughed "Hear you went to Manchester?"

"Yep and before you ask told her we had met up, she's fine" she sighed "and I ain't a postman so don't expect me to pass messages, you talk with her if you're brave enough."

"Fair enough half pint" he laughed.

"Don't call me that" she sniggered.

"You are though aren't you? Take it as a term of endearment."

They pulled up outside the gates at Keogh "Do you want a lift to Brize tomorrow?"

"You're alright mate I can manage."

"I didn't ask if you could manage I asked if you wanted a lift" he huffed and rolled his eyes, she really was hard work, Charles would have his work cut out with this one "Charlie said you can't drive, unless there are sections going with you they are hardly likely to provide transport, so do you want a lift or not?"

She looked across at him and he was staring at her, he may have been an absolute twat for doing what he did to her mate but he seemed to be kind although a bit of what her nan would have called a wide boy.

"It would help" she stuttered "what with all me gear and that."

"What time?"

"I've gotta be at Brize by 08:00."

"I'll pick you up at 06:00 don't be late half-pint."

"Don't call me that" as she got out his car and he threw his head back howling with laughter.

True to his word he was waiting for her at the gates to take her to Brize and dropped her at the entrance.

"Keep your head down half pint" he grinned "There will be a very pissed Captain if you don't"

She grinned back at him and nodded.

"And don't forget to follow orders."

"I always do."

"That's not what I heard Dawesy" as he waved and got back in his car.