Thanks so much for your comments. I wish I could directly respond to each person and say thank you!
One of my goals has been to have the reader(s) feel conflicted about the characters. Kylo and Rey's inner dialogues and actions are well…messy. It's painful and uncomfortable to read (and sometimes write haha). As Milo said, they are flawed.
Also - I have each chapter planned out, and in a perfect world there are 6 left. But I'm terrible at knowing how long a chapter will be so who knows.
This chapter is Kylo POV with a preview of Rey.
Kylo exhales rhythmic but ragged breaths. The air that enters his chest is thick smoke, and his eyes sting from the ash swirling around the hangar.
He lays in a pile of his own blood, sweat, and tears. He fails to cough up the blood filling his mouth as he bites the inside of his cheek, trying not to roar out in pain.
Tendrils of darkness rage in his blood, angry and hateful. Rey's lies and betrayal rip through him, tearing him apart in places he didn't know were still capable of being broken. The scorched smell of his flesh burns his nostrils.
This is the second scar she's carved into his skin, and he deserves it. He deserves both of them.
And though the scars will fade, the emotional wounds - those will remain permanently engraved in his heart.
The battle drags on and a loud explosion sends a rumble throughout the ship. The area fills with more smoke and debris and a siren screams throughout the hangar. A disembodied blares through the speakers, heralding a warning about the flagship's declining life support system.
Kylo doesn't care. The only thing he's ever wanted was Rey.
The First Order is - was - a machine designed to dominate the galaxy, giving Rey nowhere to hide. But nothing holds that determined woman for long.
Kylo dives into darkness, a darkness so deep that he risks extinguishing the last flicker of light inside of him. He needs it, this dark side of the Force, to sustain him through his injuries. And he feels it pinching and twisting inside of him: the further he delves into darkness, the more the light burns. It fights to exist.
The outer fringes of his mind can still sense Rey through their bond, and he feels her fear. She is right to be afraid of the Resistance. Kylo knows he has been bad, but the Resistance will be worse. In the long run, they will hurt her far more grievously than he has. They will praise her for bringing the First Order to its knees, but Kylo understands the true nature of humanity: people remember bad choices far longer than good deeds.
Rey's heroism will eventually be forgotten. She will be remembered as the woman who betrayed the Resistance by having a secret affair with Kylo Ren. The woman who willingly went to bed with him. She carries her greatest sin inside of her body, their son. How long will it take until the Resistance demonizes the innocent life growing in her belly, condemning him before he even has a chance to walk, to speak? How long until his son wakes up to see someone standing over him, ready to murder him because they fear his power?
His mother won't be around forever to protect Rey and the baby. Her influence can only reach so far, and Kylo knows he is to blame.
He blew the lid off Rey's barely contained lie about the baby's paternity months ago when he revealed himself to be the father. No more family secrets - his son will grow up knowing where he comes from. A direct descendant of Darth Vader and Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.
And his son will answer to no one.
The days of dark masters are long over.
As for Rey, no matter how far she runs, she will always be connected to him. The Force wills it, and so does he.
Kylo grimaces as he tries to brace himself on his good arm and groans. He is met with a sharp, stabbing pain and hunches over his knees, his hands groping the floor. He flails, trying to find traction, trying to balance himself, and he pauses to pull in more of the Force.
At this angle, so close to the ground, Kylo spots a few strands of fine hair sticking between his sweaty fingers. He feels the phantom of Rey's scalp in his grasp as he violently jerks her around the hangar, as he shoves her against the wall.
Bile rises in his throat.
His assault was so effective that she thought her only option was to ask him to hit her everywhere but her abdomen. She would offer herself as a punching bag if it meant protecting their son.
The Rey he knows would never resign herself to such a fate. Not unless she was hopelessly desperate.
And it is all his doing - he pushed her to that desperate place and openly basked in her fear. He only wanted to punish her, to scare her. Instead, he was every inch the monster she accused him of being.
He is a monster.
Kylo convulses and fire throbs in every part of his body. The contents of his stomach spew across the floor, the force of it knocking him back to the ground. He can't bring himself to face all the ways he's failed, but the images won't leave his mind. Kylo retches again, soiling what is left of his clothing. He is too far past the days when his hands were not stained with blood and his soul blackened by the things he's said and done.
Kylo stretches himself thin through the Force, through their bond, to reach her again. To sense if she is still afraid, if she is in danger - he stops and hisses in pain.
He is unable to focus on anything beyond forcing air into his lungs. In the haze of defeat he can't calculate how much time has passed since her escape. He sluggishly attempts to rise to his feet, when he feels something hard press against the back of his head.
"If it isn't the Supreme Leader, lying in a pool of his own vomit."
Kylo recognizes the voice. General Knapp.
"We received reports of a scuffle taking place in the hangar. I didn't think it could be true. That you were wasting precious time chasing around that stupid girl."
General Knapp walks around to face Kylo. He points electro-prongs at the fallen leader, delighting in his humiliation.
"What a rather nasty laceration, Supreme Leader. Most wives don't attempt to kill their husband's immediately after the wedding," Knapp's eyes flicker past him and Kylo's muddled mind makes the connection: the general is looking at the person digging the gun into the back of Kylo's skull.
Both men laugh.
Kylo's red-rimmed eyes glaze over with rage.
"Ren, you are - how do I put this," The general's upper lip curls, "You've become a bit of a liability to the First Order."
Knapp jabs the pronged weapon into Kylo's good shoulder and his eyes roll back in agony - he isn't sure how much longer he can use the Force to distribute the pain. The general sneers with satisfaction.
"I've been wanting to do that since the executions started."
He electrocutes Kylo again, longer this time, and he is partially immobilized. A heavy boot kicks Kylo between his shoulder blades and he hits the floor face first. The voice behind him speaks.
"I'm going to do it. Blow his head off. Before he can start with his tricks and illusions."
A bleak chill runs through Kylo.
Out of all the deaths he imagined for himself, he never guessed it would be like this. Stripped of his dignity, hanging onto his consciousness by a thread. His death will make Rey a young single mother, it will leave his son fatherless. Who will keep them safe? Kylo knows he is beyond redemption, but no one will protect her the way he can.
"Give me a moment," General Knapp says, "Kylo Ren is just a man. A dangerous one, but that's all he is. I want to savor putting this beast out of its misery."
So they mean to torture him first. Kylo closes his eyes and concentrates on his hatred.
Hate is powerful. Hate fuels darkness. He feels it growing, expanding, threatening to erupt.
And like any violent eruption, hate kills.
In a surge of blind will he hurls himself to his feet, ignoring the screaming pain of his injuries. He uses that pain and hatred, he sharpens it into a weapon. One enormous hand tears the pronged weapon from General Knapp and he swings it around, spearing the end through the general's neck. Hot blood spurts everywhere but Kylo pays it no mind.
Everything he has been holding in, everything he couldn't take out on Rey is unleashed on the two men.
Any vestige of color drains from General Knapp's face and Kylo doesn't hesitate. He never does. The general barely has a second to reach for his blaster when Kylo impales the prongs through his stomach with unwavering precision, electrocuting him from the inside.
Kylo sucks in a deep breath and releases it slowly. What an unnecessary irritation, to have to deal with those two. Speculation floods his mind.
Were they sent to finish him off, or acting of their own accord? The First Order has been thrown into chaos, and Kylo wonders if every man is out for himself. No decision he makes now can be rash.
He weighs the odds of going to Rhelg without succumbing to his injuries. Limping around the hangar, he avoids any of his crew and stormtroopers. He can't rally through another fight, let alone participate in battle. Going to the flagship's medbay leaves him susceptible to another assassination attempt.
Kylo blunders through the rubble as he searches for a way to flee his own regime, his senses drowning in pain. He only has one source of reassurance: in his attempt to rebuild the First Order, he sent his most ardent believers in the Force to Rhelg. That may very well be the problem. The remaining crew on the flagship are suspicious of the Force, they still deny its power.
Red alarms flash outside of the large escape pods, communicating their uselessness. Only a few single unit pods remain and they lack hyperdrive abilities. No interceptors are in sight, and the standard TIE fighters won't get him to Rhelg fast enough.
Kylo curses and stares at the damaged assault shuttle across the hangar. It will have to do. He bounds to the craft the best he can and searches for the medical kit as it powers up. The bacta spray does nothing to lessen the severity of his wounds, but it will prevent most bacterial infections. The vial containing pain relief does a better job at masking the pain, but it is temporary. He jabs the needle into his arm and spurs into action. He has to get out of here.
Shields activate, and he disables the ship's tracking device. No one will be able to track him. The shuttle bursts from the hangar at a breakneck speed and Kylo relishes in firing at the x-wings in his path before inputting the coordinates to Rhelg.
At the same moment the comlink lights up, he launches into hyperdrive. The discord of battle melts away as he falls into a chair, completely spent. He isn't sure what the landing situation will be like on Rhelg. The terrain is rough. And cold.
Kylo leans back in the chair and empties his mind of nothing but the Force. He centers his energy on Rey, he imagines she is aboard one of the Resistance cruisers. A weightless sensation envelops him as he focuses on her, and she feels closer. The bond hums and then -
Kylo jolts upright in shock.
Their bond is open, and he probes it. He meticulously veils his presence, albeit it won't do him much good. She'll sense him. But for now he ever so slowly dips into the link that binds them.
The scene in front of him sets his heart pounding.
Rey sits on a cot with his mother by her side. They are deep in conversation and she cradles a cup, sipping slowly. She's been scrubbed clean, her long wet hair clinging to her shoulders. A blanket is draped over her but he can see her abdomen, full and round. Still pregnant.
Kylo shuts his eyes in relief. In his unbridled rage he did not hurt them.
He watches his mother's mouth move, trying to read her lips. The more he leans into their bond, the clearer her words become. Organa is making suggestions and giving advice.
Kylo cannot believe what he overhears. He cannot accept it. General Organa is advising that Rey hide the baby, insisting that she place him with a secret family. Has she learned nothing?
The instinct to protect his pregnant wife kicks into overdrive. With a flash of anger he fully materializes through their bond.
"Rey."
In the span of a split-second they are looking straight at each other.
The cup she is holding clatters to the ground, liquid spills everywhere. He knows how he must appear to her: covered in blood and gore, animalistic and brutal. He does nothing to temper his imposing, domineering stance.
"You don't dare surrender that baby. You hear me Rey?" Kylo thunders, his guttural tone meant to command her. He pauses to inhale, struggling to hold the connection. Then his voice drops to a soft but predatory purr. He draws out and strokes her desperate desires.
"I know you want to keep the baby. I know how much you love him, Rey. I won't let her take him from you. From us."
A new energy intrudes into the Force between Rey and him. It is not foreign, it is familiar. One he has known his entire life.
Kylo suddenly finds himself staring into a pair of dark eyes identical to his own.
General Organa. Leia. Mother. She can see him.
"Ben."
The room spins and Kylo loses his hold on their connection, he feels it begin to dissolve and slip away. Rey's earlier plea tugs at his conscience.
"Talk to Leia...she would forgive you."
Would she?
How long has it been since he stood face to face with his mother? Does she even see her son in him anymore? Kylo takes a step back. He isn't ready for this - being confronted by both of them. At the same time. An uncontrollable shiver runs through him, and Rey stands.
"Rey -" he starts.
The last thing he sees is her hard expression before she severs their bond.
Anger. She is angry.
She doesn't seem so obedient now. That defiant glare has returned, the complete lack of fear she once held towards him is back. Kylo pushes against their bond and finds it barricaded. Rey has effectively shut him out.
So that is how it's going to be. She still has some fight in her.
Kylo works his jaw. He's never backed down from a challenge before. He pounds his fist on the wall of the ship and is swiftly reminded that his arm is fractured.
Rey can't lock him out of their bond forever. It physically hurts when they cut each other off, it takes immeasurable energy and tension to keep it shut. Kylo knows in her weaker, tired moments he will be able to blow through the Force and confront her.
The craft heaves out of hyperdrive and Kylo finds himself looking down at Rhelg's atmosphere. This will be good for him. He will plunder the former Sith Lord's armory, his library, his hidden treasures. He will master his rage, his anger. No more will he behave violently towards Rey - he will become powerful enough to make her submit without a fight.
Kylo begins his descent, and the darkness coaxes him just as it did on Dathomir. Many failed to occupy this world after Lord Kressh's reign. But not him. Not the blood heir to Lord Vader. He will succeed. Kylo considers the rumors about the ancient planet.
Maybe the myths are true. Maybe the spirit of the old Sith resides here, perhaps other entities inhabit the walls of the old fortress.
He has every intention of finding out.
Rey closes her eyes for what feels like a long time before opening them again.
She should have known. Of course he would survive. Of course. Her gaze lingers on the empty spot where he stood.
"You saw him, didn't you?" She asks quietly.
"I did." Leia weighs heavily on her cane, turning away from Rey. Her shoulders hunch over and she braces both hands on top of the cane for support. Leia seems smaller, she seems to shrink into herself. Sorrow flows through the force, and it shakes Rey to her core. It hurts to see Leia this way. Grieving.
To see a man who looks like her son, masquerading around in his body, consumed by such dark venom. She cannot imagine Leia's grief.
The baby begins to kick incessantly. It can't be because his father was just here. It can't. By the Force, her son can never turn dark. She won't let it happen. An icy fear invades her thoughts. Leia made the same promise when she was expecting Ben.
Rey fights the urge to go to her, sensing that Leia needs the space. She hears a sniffle from the older woman, and swallows back her own tears.
"It is difficult," Leia stares at the ground as she speaks, "to love someone, despite the pain they cause. To feel an obligation to fix them, hoping each time that things will turn out differently. Hoping…" her voice fades. Leia clears her throat and shuffles back to Rey, fatigue evident in every fibre of her being.
Rey guides her to the cot, and Leia smiles sadly.
"Knowing when to let go of hope - hope of my son returning has not been easy."
Unshed tears gather in Leia's eyes.
"The way he talks to you. Treats you. That's not the son I raised. I never thought - he was always a sensitive boy. Shy. I never predicted this, Rey. My son terrorizing the galaxy. Harming you, and while you're pregnant."
Han is too painful to bring up. Rey catches the flicker of his image in Leia's mind.
Rey only nods, the dam of emotion building inside of her threatening to break. She is scared and ashamed to confess her own truth to Leia. But Leia is, truly, the only person in the universe who might understand.
"I fell in love with him on Ahch-To. As Kylo Ren. He liked to remind me of it all the time," she adds, "But there were times, when Kylo was gentle - when he was kind. I was convinced that he was Ben. That Kylo Ren was just the armor he wore against Snoke. I can't -" she buries her face in her hands, "I can't understand what was wrong with me. Why I fell for him in the first place. Why I thought he would return to the light. I couldn't bring myself to kill him, and I'll pay for that. He will never stop, not until one or both of us dies. I'm scared that I'll never watch my son grow up, Leia."
There is no judgment in Leia's gaze. Her hands are warm as they grasp Rey's. It feels good to be candid with Leia. To be vulnerable.
"You won't lose your son. We will figure out a plan. Together."
Rey has heard the plan, and she isn't sure she can give up her baby. Leia squeezes her hand. She understands.