hi everyone! Thank you so much for your comments and feedback. Can you believe this dark story is almost a year old? When I started it my son was a baby and now he is a toddler, just wow. Your support means so much.
dralamy on twitter/instagram created an amazing art piece for chapter 38 depicting Rey escaping Kylo. You can see it on her instagram or my twitter: RFilitchkin.
This is a short and mellow (is it mellow though?) chapter from Kylo's POV. There's also a flashback.
The chapter after this is going to be lonnng, and I wanted to post *something* before too much time passed. On ao3 this is listed as chapter 42/46.
Take care and be well everyone xoxo
"Do you ever hear voices, uncle?"
Ben asks, watching Luke mend a well worn tunic. The needle weaves through the fabric at a mesmerizing pace, and his uncle smiles.
"Voices?"
"Yeah. Dad said that sometimes Jedi can talk to you, even if they're dead. Does your dad talk to you?"
"Not for a long time, Ben."
Luke pauses and glances down at the bright-eyed boy. "Do you hear voices in your head, Ben?"
Ben shrugs, but his smile is mischievous. Secretive. Luke drops to his knees, leveling with his nephew.
"You know you can tell me anything. You won't get in trouble."
"I know."
Luke ruffles Ben's hair as he stands.
"You'll make a great Jedi someday, kid."
"Nope." Ben shakes his head, the grin on his face wide. "I'm not going to be a Jedi. I'm gonna be a pilot like my dad!" He spins around beeping and making starship noises, then impersonates an x-wing pilot. Ben flies down a pathway but glances over his shoulder to see Luke smiling in his direction.
Ben knows his family is strong with the Force. He knows he is strong with the Force. Maybe even stronger than his famous uncle, Luke Skywalker.
Why else would his grandfather talk to him instead of uncle Luke? And why does his grandfather call himself Darth Vader?
They are complicated questions for a child. For now his mind is quiet, and Ben bounds down stone steps to find and play with uncle Chewie.
There is something cold about the Dark that is calming.
Kylo Ren's face is unreadable as he watches his followers lay out Sith artifacts. Broken holocrons covered in dust, curved warblades, cracked vials long emptied of their potions, rusting armor. Piles of books are brought in, fragile and disintegrating. Kylo gives orders for a droid to scan them to save whatever valuable information can be found in their pages.
A few of his followers have a rabid gleam in their eye after spending time in Kressh's vault, muttering to themselves and swatting at the empty air. As if they are seeing ghosts.
There are no ghosts. Only the feeble-minded.
Unlike his faithful believers, Kylo is not susceptible to manipulations of the mind. Not anymore. He is not the sad, lost boy of his early youth. Nor is he the oversensitive, shy, gullible child his parents resented. The voices that haunted his childhood are dead. They died the day he ran his grandfather's lightsaber through Snoke.
Snoke tried to capitalize on Kylo's legacy, on his Dark gifts. He had a fetish for all things Skywalker and dared to masquerade as Darth Vader. And he was arrogant - so arrogant - to assume that Kylo would choose him over Rey.
It was hardly a choice.
A decaying old man, desperate for power? Or a beautiful, young woman strong with the Force?
A brave woman brash enough to attack the galaxy's hero Luke Skywalker when she learned of his urge to kill Ben Solo. A woman who defended him, who was willing to risk dying for him. Willing to have his baby.
Oh, and he has been so bad to her.
Kylo stares at the comlink and datapad in his hand, knowing he needs to contact General Organa. But he only thinks of Rey, he thinks of how capturing her this time needs to be different. When he finds her location he needs to quietly swoop in and snatch her up. Descending with warships and soldiers is too much of a spectacle.
Kylo scans through the datapad. He finds the code to the medcenter and clicks a button. A voice answers and he wastes no time.
"Send Veduta. Now."
Kylo turns the comlink over in his hands. He doesn't need to specify where the doctor should be sent to. They know. He needs Veduta to aid him in his plan. Every step must be simple. Uncomplicated.
A few minutes pass and the doctor enters the throne room. She shivers.
"You requested me, Lord Ren?"
"I did. You recall the serum you gave me to administer to Rey when she was on Ahch-To. It put her to sleep."
She swallows, nods.
"Yes, I recall."
"I need more of it. Enough to knock her out for a few hours."
"As you wish, Lord Ren."
Kylo's expression tightens.
"It is not a wish. It is a demand."
"I apologize." She bows in subservience. "I will have the serum ready as soon as possible. Would you prefer it in a bottle or -"
"A bottle is fine." Kylo cuts her off. "And a few syringes as well."
The next time Kylo sees Rey in person there will be no talking, no fighting. As a husband and father-to-be, it is time to step up in ways Han Solo never did. He will be gentle but firm when he seizes Rey and plunges the needle into her arm, her leg - whatever bit of her body is available to him.
He misses her soft, vulnerable body in his arms.
"Will there be anything else, Lord Ren?" Veduta asks.
Kylo stares at his hand - a hand that once wrapped around Rey's throat, squeezing air from her lungs. How easily she bears the brunt of his rage.
"Indeed, there is. Rey's pregnancy has been typical. There are no problems - with the exception of her bleeding - which you stated is not unusual after sex. Is that correct?"
"That is correct." Veduta answers slowly. "Everything you stated is correct."
Kylo sinks back into his chair. Being praised without reservation feels right. Veduta twists her hands and shifts from side to side. She isn't finished yet.
"Rey's blood pressure has been elevated for a while, but not high enough to concern me yet. Just something to keep an eye on. Rey has never been forthcoming with ailments she felt during pregnancy, save for her nausea, which was quite obvious."
No, Kylo thinks, she wouldn't be forthcoming about any perceived weaknesses.
Rey stretches herself too thin for the needs of everyone else. The Resistance. Organa. Her friends. Fuck, even him.
Kylo does not like that there is something to keep an eye on when it comes to Rey and the baby. Anger creeps up his neck until his jaw is clenched. He has one more question.
"If Rey were to fall, if she were to get hurt during a confrontation, what are the chances that the baby - "
The next part is hard for him to get out. He licks his lips and tries again.
"What are the chances that the baby would be stillborn."
Veduta arches one brow.
"I cannot predict exactly what might happen in hypothetical circumstances."
Kylo tenses. They aren't hypothetical circumstances. He has slammed Rey against a steel wall, he's grasped at her with rough hands. Veduta prattles on, oblivious to his reaction.
"- Rey is far along enough that blunt force or a hard fall could be traumatic for her and the baby. It could induce early labor and fetal stress. Internal bleeding, placental abruption, death -"
"You've made your point." Kylo's tone is razor sharp. "You will bring me the serum as soon as possible."
"Yes, Lord Ren."
"You are dismissed." He waves a hand and watches Veduta leave through the double doors.
For him, the choice is clear. The only option is to keep Rey drugged, in a state of lucid awareness. He never wanted it to come down to this, but Rey won't go without putting up a fight. Even while heavily pregnant.
Kylo runs a hand through his hair, a knot balling in his stomach. If their son is half as stubborn as Rey is - as he is - they are in trouble.
He thanks the Force that his first child is a son. He is protective of Rey, and the thought of having to protect a daughter is overwhelming. The day will come when Rey gives him a daughter, and at least he will mold her mind without outside influences. Women are meant to be wives and mothers, peace makers and lovers. Superior to men when it comes to morals. Sacred. Forces of nature to be reckoned with given their ability to produce life.
But not equal. Never equal.
The weight of everything settles onto his shoulders. With a deep sigh he scrolls through the datapad, hands shaking. Thinking about the flagship rattles him in the worst way.
He hates it.
Kylo is glad to see the files and sensitive information from his ruined flagship intact. Transferred without any problems - he was wise to plan so far ahead. He toys with the idea of watching video recordings of Rey, then quickly decides against it. Watching her kissing him, loving him, is too painful. Better to take care of the unpleasant business that is his mother.
The beating of his heart is a dull thud as he contacts General Organa. The customary static crackles through the receiver and Kylo waits with bated breath.
His nerves are not shot this time, there is no anxiety-inducing nausea. He can face his mother.
"This is General Organa of the Resistance."
She sounds tired. Weary. Kylo intends to show her no mercy.
"Where is Rey?" He snaps, not bothering with introductions or formalities.
"You know I can't tell you that, Ben."
Ben. The old name claws at him, gets under his skin. Kylo suddenly stands, his knuckles white from fisting the comlink. Spit flies from his mouth as hot angry words come rushing out.
"I doubt she is with you."
"Ben."
He can't control his temper.
"At it again, aren't you? Sending family to far off planets to avoid dealing with them. Can't be bothered with taking in the mother of your grandson. Better to send them away and forget they ever existed. It is what you're good at, mother. Forgetting family. Breaking families apart."
"Stop it, Ben."
Kylo's chest rises and falls, his breath coming out in warm puffs against the cool air of the chamber.
"She didn't agree to give up the baby, did she? Rey is already a better mother than you. She fights for her son more than you ever did."
A low, shuddering sound emits from the comlink.
"I always fought for you, Ben. And so did your father. Our love for you was - is - constant."
"Lies," Kylo sneers. "You sent Han Solo to his death. If a mother's love is so strong, why didn't you come with him? I -"
I loathe you. I hate you.
Kylo can't bring himself to say the words. The Force unfurls inside of him, a torrent of darkness pumping through his blood. He is back in his interceptor, ready to punch the red button and blast his mother to smithereens and he...can't. Some small, weak and pathetic piece of him holds back.
"The Dark has made you selfish." Leia says, her voice low and raspy. "Rey told me everything. Ben, you cannot threaten to kill your son and then scream at me about putting family first."
Numbness seeps into Kylo's bones from the shock of her knowing his deepest shame.
"I never meant it." He says desperately, sweat gathering on his brow. "It was - it was a mistake."
Kylo touches the hilt of a sith warblade. He is silent, and Organa's voice grows stronger.
"Put a stop to this madness Ben. All of it. You've made every moment of Rey's pregnancy a living hell. Let her have some peace. Let your son be born into peace."
The comlink goes dark and Kylo glares at it, his expression forlorn and miserable. His pride has taken a hit from the sting of her words, but he is not about to heed advice from an absent mother. Organa does not yet know the power he is about to possess.
Gripping the warblade in his hand, Kylo leaves the throne room and stalks to Kressh's vault.