Road to Tears
Chapter 14
After her chat with Peanut, she had gone to find Jackie. Sat together in her room where she sobbed for Elvis, he'd always been such a character, he and Charles had been best friends and he had often come to visit them, he would be devastated at his loss. She and Elvis had ended up becoming friends because of Charles, they enjoyed the banter and piss take, especially if they could direct it at Charles when that rod seemed particularly stuck up his arse. They worried about their friend Georgie, stuck out in Nepal and would the lads be able to support her. How do you cope with that sort of loss. They agreed they would go to the funeral to support her knowing at such a difficult time she'd need her friends. Neither of them were sure how supportive her family would be based on how he didn't turn up for his wedding and they blamed him for the debacle that was her second to Jamie.
The flight back was mainly medics but she did see Peanut, Blue and Spunky out the corner of her eye. Peanut still looked very downcast and whispering to Spunky, both men had served with Elvis and couldn't believe that he had gone.
When they arrived at Brize the coaches were all ready and waiting to take them back to Aldershot, Jackie and Molly just wanted to get back home.
"Come back to mine" said Jackie "We can split a bottle of wine?"
"OK better than being on me own, thanks Jacs."
"Stay the night" she added and Molly nodded Charles would need her when he got back.
With what they had seen on tour, now the news of Elvis they wanted company.
-OG-
They were loading up their gear ready for transport back to Nepal when Spanner came running up to Charles.
"Just thought I would let you know that Elvis is being repatriated today" he puffed "I phoned Peanut to let him know what had happened" looking at Charles as he looked down to his feet nodding "He is in Sierra Leone" and Charles head shot up "I've told him and he's told Molly, she's on her way home."
"Thanks for letting me know Spanner" he said quietly. She knows, that saves him having to make a call he doesn't want to have to make, he still didn't feel ready to talk about it yet and he didn't feel he could cope if Molly cried. He just felt so numb, couldn't believe that his larger than life friend wasn't here anymore. Kept expecting him to come round the corner with his cock sure grin and tell him "Joke"
They spent another 10 days in Nepal, collecting the gear they had left behind when they were moved to Afghan, another supply truck had come through and they were able to erect more temporary buildings for the locals.
As he watched from a distance he noticed Georgie and Milan talking, looks like he was getting the brush off he thought. Hardly surprising really Molly had told him ages ago that there was unfinished business between Elvis and Georgie, he wouldn't be a Captain if he hadn't noticed what had gone on between them in Kabul, without her having to tell him. He couldn't help but wonder how she was coping, and if it was any better than him. He didn't think so.
Half of him wanted to get home to Molly and the other half ashamed how this tour had gone, how he had missed spotting Azizi was a traitor. He knew that both Molly and Elvis liked to wind each other up and enjoyed the banter, but knew they liked each other really, and not just because he wanted them to. He had been dreading having to tell her, that he had missed signs that caused his death but now he didn't have to, Peanut had told her Elvis was gone. When did Azizi go rogue could he have lost Molly as well, on her last tour. How had he missed it.
-OG-
They had been there a week when the mail came through. She couldn't believe he had sent her a letter. They had discussed this on previous tours when they first met when they were engaged. She had told him she didn't want a death letter, but here it was in her hand and she could still hear his voice as she read it.
She could barely read the words the tears were flowing, just those last lines really sticking in her mind that he wanted her to be happy and when she was he hoped he had a hand in it. He loved her and wanted her to be happy.
She wasn't sure they had done enough in the region with all that had gone on but at least the children were back, including Tara and Milan would see to it that they were looked after. She felt a little guilty about him too. Leading him on, she knew he liked her but there would only really be Elvis for her and there was no point in continuing what they started. But now Elvis was gone she didn't see how there could be anyone for her ever again. One night, that's all they had really because of her stubbornness not to forgive him. Every time she closed her eyes she saw the smile he had that morning after they had woken up together. Her heart breaking a little more every time she thought of it.
It seemed forever packing everything up and getting the orders that they were finally flying home. As they walked through the terminal at Brize Charles noticed that Georgie's parents were there to greet her holding her tight in her grief and he could see her crying on her mother's shoulder. Once again he wished that Molly could drive and was here as he walked through to the secure car park and collected his car for the drive back to Aldershot.
He drove home and sat in his car staring at his house and for the first time not really wanting to go in, sighing before getting out the car collecting his things from the boot and walking to the front door. He hadn't phoned Molly again, he didn't know what to say and was unsure if she was home or if she hadn't got a flight and still in Sierra Leone. As soon as he opened the door and saw her boots, he looked up the stairs remembering when he came back from Kenya and Syria, what a bloody contrast. But he dropped his Bergen by the door and took off his own boots and put them next to Molly's. He had barely stood up before Molly had thrown herself at him.
"I'm so so sorry Charles, about Elvis" as she wrapped her arms around him, his own still limp by his side as he took in a deep breath and removed her arms from around him.
"Me too" he said in agreement "I need to shower and change, we'll talk later" he said sadly looking into her watery eyes, making his stomach roll over "I'll just take all this upstairs" he said picking up his Bergen again stopping her from holding him. He saw the fleeting hurt expression as he walked up the stairs. He couldn't face her sympathy, and would he keep it when she found out it was all his fault, he hadn't listened that there was a traitor in their mist. His mistake had cost Elvis his life.
Molly looked at his retreating back as he walked up the stairs, she didn't know what to do, she had never seen him like this before, and he had never rejected her like that before. She wanted to hold him, comfort him and let him know she was there for him. She went into the kitchen and put the kettle on and topped his Nespresso machine with water before sitting on a kitchen stool waiting. It wasn't long before the wait was too agonising for her and she went up the stairs after him only to find him sat on the end of their bed his elbows on his thighs, his hands clasped between his legs just staring down at them.
She went into the room and stood between his legs, her hand coming out to run through his hair and she sat beside him. "Do you want a coffee, can I get you something to eat" He shook his head
"No, I just need a moment, time to think" he sighed "Just leave me alone Molly, I'll come down in a bit" He didn't look at her just continued to stare at his hands and missed the hurt expression at his rejection.
"OK just let me know if you need anything" she said getting up and running her hand over his head again kissing the top. Leaving him to his thoughts as he asked.
Molly went back downstairs and put the TV on quietly hoping she would hear him moving about but the house was silent. It was getting late and he had been home for hours so she made him a coffee and sandwich and went back upstairs half expecting him to be where she had left him but he wasn't. He had gone to bed and was lying on his side with his eyes closed. She watched him for a bit and she just knew he wasn't really asleep but just didn't want to talk to her. She put the sandwich and coffee on the bedside table. Ran her hand down the side of his face "there is a cup of coffee and a sandwich if you want it Charles" but he didn't respond. Sighing she left the room and went back downstairs.
She sat down in the living room her legs tucked under her. She didn't know how to deal with this. The only time she had dealt with this sort of grief was when her mate Smurf died and she had run off to Manchester to see Georgie. Charles didn't seem to want her help. She stared at the TV for ages and hadn't taken in any of the programmes that had been on. She couldn't stop yawning and knew she had to go to bed. She popped her head round the bedroom door and the coffee and sandwich were still there untouched and she wasn't sure but she didn't think he had moved since she had brought it up.
She got ready for bed and slid in beside him. She pressed herself against his back her contours following his and put her arm over him. Kissing his back "I'm here if you need me Charles" she just knew he wasn't really asleep his breathing was all wrong. She felt him take a deep breath as his arm moved lifting it up so her arm was under his as he held her hand and placed it over his heart. Still, he didn't speak or move as her eyes got heavy and finally she fell into a fitful sleep.
Charles opened his eyes and could see a chink of light coming through the curtains from a streetlight. He knew Molly had fallen asleep behind him, her breathing had slowed. He could feel her, her forehead on his back and her breath warm against his spine. Her arm round him and her hand in his, he couldn't help but bring it to his mouth and briefly kissed her fingers before putting it back over his chest again. She briefly stirred at the action moving closer to him if that was possible even asleep she was letting him know she was there for him. He felt that lump in his throat again and closed his eyes, one tear rolled out and across the bridge of his nose. He didn't cry, the last time was probably when he was 7 or 8 and his mum had told him his grandfather had died. He needed to be strong, pull himself together, Molly was going to need him at the funeral and so would Lane not to mention he would have to support the section through what they had seen on this tour. He had a responsibility and he couldn't let them down.
It was finally getting light so he could get up. His movement disturbed Molly "Where are you going?" she asked sleepily raising herself onto her elbow.
"Can't sleep thought I'd get up and not disturb you" rolling onto his back to look up at her "Go back to sleep" he whispered.
She rolled onto him so he couldn't move, her arms across his chest as she looked at him "Don't pretend to me you've been asleep because I know you ain't" sighing "We ain't got anywhere we need to be today, stay with me, please," her eyes locking onto his, silently pleading with him to stay and rest, hoping he would talk to her. She lowered her head to start to kiss him, her lips soft against his as her tongue ran across his bottom lip demanding access which he freely gave and returned. For the first time since Elvis died that numbness he felt; the indescribable sensation he felt in the pit of his stomach went away.
He had been away for months and so had she, they were on tours where they hadn't been able to keep in touch and they had missed each other. As his hands slid down her body to her hips, it hadn't taken long for him to be seriously aroused as he swung them round kissing down her neck towards her breasts. Both felt the need to touch, to feel the other to give and receive until eventually they were sated and wrapped around each other in their afterglow. Charles pulling the quilt back over them.
Molly put her head on his shoulder her face against his neck, giving him, little kisses every now and again, her arm across his chest and her leg across his thigh. She hoped he would sleep now, he looked so tired, almost broken when he walked through their door yesterday. She didn't think this was the end but she hoped he would talk to her, let her in.
-OG-
That of course was before the funeral. Elvis' funeral was near to his family home in Essex. As Molly looked around she realised just how popular the joker was, not that it surprised her of course, she had grown fond of him over the years she had known him. She remembered Georgie telling her he had a huge family which is why they didn't invite many from the army to their wedding. His parents were holding each other up and surrounded by their sons and daughters. She saw Georgie with her mother and sister Marie, sitting just behind the family her mother with her arm round her as she quietly sobbed. Another who looked broken by the loss of Elvis.
On the other side were all his army friends. She could see Spanner and Jenny, Dyno and Sue, then there was Peanut, Jackson and Spunky. All of them had served with him many times. All 2 section came they had met him at both Molly and Charles wedding, Kenya and again on this fateful tour. They were here both to pay respects to Elvis and to support their Captain and Medic. She didn't recognise any of the brass, well except for Major Beck and his wife.
For Molly this brought back terrible memories of her own, the loss of Smurf and how she felt at his funeral, she put her hand out to hold Charles hand but he shook it away. He was ridged upright in his uniform. Molly looked up at him her eyes awash with tears but determined she wouldn't let him down and sob. He looked down at her and his expression softened, he did an almost imperceptible nod and took her hand, squeezing it gently. Charles didn't know why he shook her hand away, but once he was holding it, he realised he needed that warmth in his hand, the one that made him feel something other than just this numbness, that this must all just be a bad dream and he would wake up any minute.
Finally, the service was over and a hotel reception room had been organised for the wake, where everyone mingled and reminisced, his summer BBQ's, his pre-Christmas dinners, that camping trip. Charles seemed to be laughing with the rest of them but Molly knew, she could see it in his eyes he was breaking. She went and joined Georgie who was sitting with her mum and sister.
"Hello Grace, Marie" she gave a watery smile.
"Hello Molly" smiled Marie "How's the Captain?" and Molly shrugged "Getting there" as she sat down opposite Georgie who had still not spoken.
Molly leant across to her putting her hand on her knee, "Georgie I'm so sorry, I know it's not much but if you want to come and stay with Charles and me for a bit or if there is anything you need you just let me and Jacs know?"
It started a fresh wave of tears from Georgie as she moved beside her friend and hugged her "What will I do without him Moll? I can't focus" she whispered, "Mum keeps saying it will get easier."
"It will but it will take time."
"He died in my arms" said Georgie sobbing into her shoulder "I couldn't save him."
Molly nodded "I know it ain't the same but when me mate Smurf died I was there, he died in me arms on a bleedin football pitch of all things" tears falling at the memory "Remember I came and saw you when I couldn't cope, you took me out with your sisters" Georgie nodded "You won't forget but it will get easier to live with" both girls looking at each other "You know where I am, ring me anytime if you need to talk."
Charles watched them from across the room, Molly trying to comfort Lane. Same as she was trying to do for him. He wondered how she would feel if she knew. That Azizi was a traitor, set them up and he didn't listen to Richards which was the cause of all this. It was his fault. Would she blame him as much as he blamed himself?
A few of them had opted to stay in a hotel down here rather than drive back to either Aldershot or Hereford. Charles had about had enough now, he didn't want any more to drink and he couldn't bear to see the sadness in Elvis' parents or Lane. He walked across to where Molly was talking with Jackie and Jenny "Are you about ready to leave?" she could see that expression in his eyes again, the one she couldn't quite put her finger on and she nodded. She said her good-byes and that they would all catch up soon and followed Charles to the waiting taxi to their hotel.
They had barely got back to their room before he pounced on her and had her pinned against the door kissing her hard as he pulled at her uniform to get it off. She was shocked at first by the speed and passion but she caught up and helped to remove his uniform before he picked her up, her legs round his waist as he moved them to the bed.
She looked up at him and there was that look again, that vacant one or maybe it was fear, she wasn't really sure it was only a glimpse before he closed his eyes above her. She had a feeling he wasn't really here, that she was a vessel to fulfil a need in him to forget. She clung to him hoping she did and that he would come back to her. It was over quickly and he rolled away, putting his arm around her so she could snuggle into his side
"I do love you Molly" he whispered kissing the top of her head.
"I know you do" she whispered back into the dimly lit room "It will take time but it will get better" kissing his shoulder.
"That's what everyone keeps telling me" he sighed.
-OG-
The weeks passed, some nights he couldn't sleep that well, kept seeing Elvis flying from that roof. But Molly always seemed to know, held him that little bit tighter when it disturbed her sleep. But there were moments of normality as if it hadn't happened.
On their deployment leave they had gone to London and taken Sam with them. He adored staying in the Dawes home with all her brothers and sisters. Couldn't stop laughing at their antics and what he was allowed to do. Mind you he and Rebecca had had a row over Sam telling her why shouldn't he just stay in his pants his Grandad Dave did, he wasn't gonna go out like that, he was just playing his Xbox game on the settee. He even rolled his eyes apparently. Charles had to bite his lip hard to stop from laughing.
They were down in Bath and Molly had sorted the problem telling Sam, hadn't he noticed how her Mum and she was always telling her dad off for just wearing pants and always telling him to put his trousers on. Sam thought about it for a minute then nodded "It's not a good look mate, wandering about in your pants" that seemed to be enough.
Molly and Sylvia were in the kitchen making sandwiches for lunch "Is he alright?" asked Sylvia making Molly stop what she was doing. "Charles just seems a bit distant."
"Its early days Sylvia, he misses Elvis, he's still grieving for him" Sylvia nodded not quite convinced and not sure that Molly was telling the truth. How could Molly tell Sylvia what went on during that tour, he hadn't told her, wouldn't talk about it.
"Do you still go up and see me Nan and Mum when you go to London" asked Molly smiling and deftly changing the subject. Sylvia gave a wide grin and nodded.
"Oh yes dear, wouldn't miss it for the world, your Nan is quite a character isn't she?"
Molly nodded "She don't bring anyone called Elsie with her does she?"
"No dear but she has mentioned her a few times."
Molly laughed "Whatever you do don't go shopping if she is there."
Charles came into the kitchen at that moment asking if they wanted him to carry anything through and caught his mum and Molly laughing as his mother walked out carrying the tray of sandwiches.
"What was all that about?" he asked raising a quizzical eyebrow.
"Just making sure your Mum don't get arrested anytime soon" still laughing and following Sylvia out of the room.
-OG-
They were both back at work their post deployment leave over. Charles and 2 section on Regimental duties for the foreseeable. The Ebola crisis in Sierra Leone under control it didn't look like Molly was to be sent back.
June came and her birthday. Charles booked a table at a restaurant in Guildford and Jackie and Dangles were coming.
Molly was surprised he had booked a table, he didn't really like going out that much these days, but he tried to make her believe that he was OK and everything was alright.
"So, Dangles I hear you won't be coming back to 2 section?"
"No Boss" he grinned "Will stick where I am for the time being, I'm hoping to get into the Engineers if I can."
Charles raised his eyebrow "Well I'm not surprised" he grinned "We couldn't leave anything lying about without you trying to fix it, including the radios."
"So, I know you haven't been a Lance Corp long Molly but after Sierra Leone are you going to have a go at Corporal?" asked Dangles.
Charles looking across at her as she frowned "No not yet mate, gonna stick around barracks for a bit" she said looking at Jackie.
"Yeah Dangles" laughed Jackie knowing that Molly hadn't told Charles about what happened out there, she understood why he had a lot to deal with, what with his best mate dying like that and being there to see it "You might have had moving trees, but you should have seen the shit we had to deal with."
Her and Molly falling about laughing as she said it, Charles shaking his head grinning but he had a feeling he was missing something.
"Anyway, changing the subject" said Dangles "Any of you seconded to support this family day at Windsor Great Park?" all of them shaking their heads.
"Lucky bastards" he sighed "I'm manning one of the tours for a tank" he huffed "they've got people from Pirbright to show them about basic, then the Horse Guards from Windsor are doing some sort of display, so are the dog handlers" looking at Jackie and Molly "Surprised if you haven't heard they are bound to have something showing Medics in action" he grinned and nudged Jackie who rolled her eyes.
"Well, we will probably find out soon" laughed Jackie "What else is going to be there?"
"Just about all sections in the army" he sniggered "apart from the secret ones" continuing he said there would be a fun fare, BBQ and it wasn't just for the army and their families but hopefully a recruiting drive for the public. "I think they are even organising an assault course and zip lines for the adventurous" he laughed.
-OG-
Jackie and Molly were very lucky they didn't have to support the family day and give any presentations about what it was like to be a medic in combat. Molly was a bit surprised she managed to swerve that one what with her getting a bloody medal for it. But poor Katy and Lauren were destined to be on the stand.
Molly phoned Georgie as she did every week to check on her, she asked if she wanted to come down and stay over for the family day. "Can't go out for dinner or nothing we will have Sam here, most of 2 section have got something they have to do, should be a laugh watching them" she giggled "Come down with Marie and stay, they would love to see you."
"Sorry Moll" she sighed "Just can't face it, I'm not disputing that this admin lark isn't pissing me off no end but I'm not sure I'm ready for looking at the army trying to show off its best."
"Sorry" replied Molly in distress "I didn't think I'm so sorry."
"No, it's not like that Moll" trying to make her friend feel better because that was not the reason she didn't want to come down "I'm just not ready to see all those sympathetic eyes yet, the ones that are saying Oh poor Georgie" sounding brighter "But if you girls want to arrange an overnight at that fabulous Spa in the next month or two Marie and I would love to come."
"Jac's is the one that finds out about all those deals" she giggled "I'll have a word and see what we can come up with, it's been a while Georgie."
""Yeah it has, so get Jackie to organise it" she laughed down the phone.
-OG-
It was August Bank Holiday weekend and the family day. It turned out to be a huge event and not just for army families in the area. The army charities were there, and some of the car parking fees were being handed over to them.
Display rings were set up, some for the Cavalry and some for the search and rescue along with sniffer dogs. There was a small assault cause set up by the para's and zip lines for those that really wanted to try out an adrenaline rush. There was a recruitment station, showing what Basic training was like, then areas showing all the different career opportunities within the army.
Charles had driven down to Bath to pick up Sam the night before who was looking forward to the day immensely, he expected either his Dad or Molly to take him on nearly everything. They stayed in that night watched DVD's and a pizza in front of the TV. The next morning Charles was already up and was giving Sam his breakfast when Molly surfaced, Sam looking longingly at her coco pops. She gave him a wink and moved her bowl over a bit and he put his spoon in and took a delicious mouthful, grinning widely. Charles was standing leaning against the worktop watching and couldn't help but smile as he walked forward to put his hands on Molly's shoulders "Did I just see you let Sam dip his spoon in your coco pops?" kissing the top of her head and chuckling.
"Seemed a bit mean not to" Molly answered with a smile of her own as she looked up at him. He seemed rested today, she hadn't felt him tossing and turning during the night. Looks like today was going to be a good day.
Molly had made a decision she wasn't going in uniform, so she could blend in but he was left with no choice but to wear his as a Captain and having to show support to all the different parts of the army family. She had packed a large tote bag putting in a blanket, some water and a flask of coffee for Charles. She knew there was a BBQ there and catering were providing burgers and hotdogs. She had even heard that there was to be a roast hog there but she wasn't sure on that.
-OG-
Charles parked the car in the designated field and they walked through to the show, it was spread out over some distance, all sectors of the army represented along with the expected beer tent and small funfair for the kids.
They had watched the dog display, Molly had even convinced Sam to volunteer to hide so the dog could find him. His little face as he waited expectantly, would he be left there or would the dog find him. Molly took a photo on her phone and then held onto Charles arm while they watched. They joined the queue to get a burger and he had to agree it wasn't that bad. There were no seats available so Molly took out the blanket she had been carrying and they sat on that. Charles grinned as he watched his son and Molly
"Of course," he smiled as he sat next to her "I forgot about the worms" he laughed.
"There's no worms Dad" said Sam innocently "not in the daytime" patting his dad's leg as he sat next to him "My teacher said they only come out at night which is why it's only the early bird that gets them."
Molly looked across to Charles who was trying to nod and keep a serious expression, she could see he was biting his lip "See told you."
"You have to dig them up in the daytime" carried on Sam warming to his subject "and my teacher told me not to because they've got germs."
"Indeed" said Charles still trying to keep a straight face and looking at Molly his eyes glinting with humour "Sounds like someone else that's frightened of them to me."
Charles could see that Sam was having a good time and enjoying the day out. He had told him months ago that he wouldn't be seeing Uncle Elvis again but he seemed to be dealing with it and his face said it all that he was enjoying the day out, he didn't want his son to be disappointed in him, that he had played a part in his Uncle Elvis' death, and would do anything to protect him from that. It would appear it was just him that couldn't get the sight of Elvis out his head.
Dangles was very kindly giving his son a personalised tour of the tank and he saw that Molly had wandered off to the recruitment tent nearby. He saw her as she stopped and turned to face a man who was smiling at her. He had obviously called out to her he thought. He watched them talk for a while continuing to watch as he saw her throw her head back and laugh like he hadn't seen her do in ages. He saw him put his arm around her shoulder and take her into the tent, she was still laughing. He could feel his breath chugging as his face changed to a frown, his heart beat getting faster as he felt the early stages of annoyance
"Look after Sam for a minute would you Dangles?" he asked still staring at the tent he had seen Molly go in
"Yes Boss" answered Dangles holding Sam's hand as Charles walked off in the direction of the recruitment tent.
As he entered the tent, there were giant posters of young men and women, beaming to all the world with the name of their regiment underneath. Molly and this man, who he had spotted had Sergeant Stripes still laughing. He walked up behind them catching the tail end of the conversation "Who would have thought you would've got an MC" he laughed "Well who would have thought you would end up a Sergeant, thought you liked to work for a living?"
"Molly" he said from behind them and she swung round still smiling.
"Charles" looking around her "Where's Sam?"
"Getting a guided tour with Dangles" still frowning and sounding, even to his own ears, sulky.
"Sergeant Geddings" she beamed "This is my husband Captain James" looking at him and wondering at the sullen look "Charles this is my old Corp from when I did basic, been made up to a Sarg now" she grinned watching as Geddings put out his hand leaving Charles with no option but to return the gesture, although by the look on his face he would rather of just punched the bloke.
"Well, I suppose you will never have to serve with her Captain, she was a bloody nightmare on Basic always questioning her orders, getting her mates to tidy her locker" he grinned.
"You knew about that?" said Molly with an incredulous expression
"Of course, I bloody did," replied Sergeant Geddings "Gave you a bit of leeway as you saved your mate Lauren" looking across to Charles he continued "She got caught up in the ropes and Molly went back to get her and untangle her before they hung her."
"Yep sounds like her" he said sullenly "crossed a minefield to get her mate Smurf too."
He saw the smile drop from her face as she turned back to her old Corporal "Well it was nice to see you again Sarg, I'd better be getting off" and turned back to Charles her eyes looking like ice.
-OG-
Both of them made sure that Sam had a good day but after Charles had interrupted her chat with Geddings she was seething, what the hell did he think she was up to. His eyes were blank, cold even. Blimey she hadn't seen the bloke since she was 18 and that was years ago, what the hell did Charles think he was playing at.
It was late afternoon and they were due to leave as Charles had to take Sam back to Rebecca in Bath and that would be a couple of hours each way. He drove them back to Aldershot in virtual silence, Molly talking with Sam about the day he had and how when he grew up he wanted to join the search and rescue and work with the dogs or if he was like his dad and joined the army he liked the horses best.
"Wait in the car Sam" he said as they arrived at their home. Molly got out getting her keys from her handbag "I'll be back in a minute" getting out the car to follow her.
She had walked straight through into the kitchen and flicked the switch to boil the water for tea, turning to look at him with eyes that looked like ice and should have frozen him to the spot.
"What was all that about Molly" he sighed "I saw him put his arm round you and you were laughing?"
"So what?" she looked at him her eyes staring him down and he felt she was almost looking into his soul "What are you saying here?"
"Your Corporal in Basic, is there anything I need to know?" Charles didn't know why he had continued she was already making him feel uncomfortable with the way she was looking at him.
"Yeah he helped me pass, listened when I thought I was a waste of space, got me through it" she sighed "and so what if I was laughing with him, you've clearly forgotten how to" her own anger starting to ramp up "What do you think he was?"
"Don't know I wasn't there" sneering at her "But he seemed a bit familiar to just be your Corporal."
Her eyes filled with tears and he knew he had perhaps gone too far "When I joined up my dad told me that I was just a run of the mill East End slapper" turning her back on him "thanks for making me feel just like that."
"Molly" he whispered moving towards her.
"Fuck off Charles, take Sam home."
He had really hurt her this time, he knew that. He had felt that same intense jealousy he had felt when he found out she had been to Newport with Smurf. He stared at her back but knew he had Sam sitting in his car waiting patiently for him to take him home. He sighed swung round on his heels and left, Rebecca would have his guts if he got him back late and he couldn't leave him too long on his own in the car.
-OG-
It felt like forever taking Sam back to Bath, listening to his excited chatter and then driving back to Aldershot in silence and with his thoughts. As he pulled up on the driveway, the house was in darkness. He got that fluttery sensation in his chest, had she left, he knew he had hurt her with his remark and he didn't even know why he had said it. He walked through into the kitchen and saw a sandwich on a plate all wrapped in cling film. Even pissed off with him she had left him something to eat, not that he wanted it. He felt sick, in his head he heard Elvis telling him 'don't lose the best thing that ever happened to you'.
He went to the bathroom to get ready for bed throwing his uniform on the chair in their bedroom. From the limited amount of light in the room he could see Molly curled up in bed and as far to the edge as she could get. He got in beside her and shuffled across to the middle his hand coming across and stroking her arm.
"I'm so sorry Molly, I didn't mean it" he whispered "I don't know what came over me, I saw you laughing and I was jealous, I guess" he heard a whimper from her side of the bed. Oh god had he made her cry. He raised himself onto his elbow and pulled her shoulder towards him so he could see her. Yes he had, as he used his thumb to wipe them away. He hated it when she cried, he had only ever wanted to make her happy, but when he saw her laughing all reason left him and he didn't know why.
"You really hurt me Charles" she hiccupped through her tears "Why would you think that. Do you think so little of me?" Charles lifted her head so he could put his arm behind her, laying back down on his back and pulling her into his side. He stroked her hair away from her face with one hand the other running up and down her arm that was now across his chest. He could still feel the odd tear as it ran down her face onto his shoulder. "I haven't slept with every bloke I've met and I don't ask every time you speak to a girl if you shagged her before you met me and with a face like yours you're more likely to have."
"I know you haven't" taking a deep breath "and I haven't either, just for clarity."
"So why did you do that, get jealous then, don't you trust me?" pausing as if in thought "do you still wanna be married to me, is that it?" another tear fell "you don't trust me."
He wrapped his arms around her a bit tighter, his heart missing a beat at what she was saying "Of course I want to be married to you, and I do trust you" he sighed "but I trusted someone who let me down. It's probably made me a bit, oh I don't know, a bit unreasonable lately, I keep questioning myself," he snorted a laugh which wasn't intended to be humorous.
"Who was it?" she asked tentatively.
Taking a huge breath and holding it for a moment "Captain Azizi, I trusted him and he betrayed us, it's my fault that Elvis got killed."
Molly was stunned into silence, five months he had been back and this is the first time he had talked of that mission to Afghan where Elvis was killed. She knew he was struggling with it, had bad dreams sometimes, sat in silence thinking sometimes, the way he held her sometimes. She had felt there was something wrong. She was about to say something, tell him it wasn't his fault but it would appear that this was all she was getting about what happened in Afghan.
"It's our wedding anniversary in a week, shall we go away for the weekend" he kissed her forehead "Let me make it up to you, prove just how much I love you?"
She raised herself up onto her elbow looking down at him in the darkness "Are you sure Charles, we don't have to" she gave him a soft kiss "I know you are still grieving about Elvis and it's gonna take a while."
"You're right, I have forgotten how to laugh like we used to" his hand lightly moving across her cheek removing the last of her tears "I want to take my beautiful wife away for our anniversary, show her I love her and how sorry I am I made her cry" pulling her head down to kiss her.
"You know you can talk to me don't you Charles, about what happened" sighing "I'm a good listener. Please don't shut me out."
"I know you are sweetheart" he whispered close to her mouth as hand ran down her back pulling her onto him. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want her to know just what a screw up he was.