Road to Tears
Chapter 16
When they touched down at Brize he sent a text message to Molly saying he was on his way home, get the hot water on, he was looking forward to that bath.
An hour later he was pulling up on their drive. He dropped his Bergen and kicked off his boots. He could hear from the soft music coming from upstairs she had got his text as he shot off up the stairs grinning and peeling off his uniform as he went.
By the time he had opened their bathroom door he was already just standing in his combat trousers, looking at her with her messy bun, her cheeks flushed with the warm water and her eyes closed as she was listening to the music. She opened one eye and grinned at him, making him smile as he put his hands behind his head he was so pleased to be home "You getting in then" and all he could do was nod as he undid he trousers and pulled them down along with his boxers, stepping into the water in front of her.
Her small hands kneading his shoulders releasing the tension as she whispered how much she had missed him into his ear.
"I think we need to talk Molly."
At last she thought he was finally going to open up about what happened in Afghan, when they lost Elvis. Her hands crossing his chest and her legs wrapped around his thighs her feet in between his legs. He picked up her hand entwining their fingers before kissing her knuckles. Ready to be there for him when he told her what happened and how he was feeling, ready to comfort him.
"What happened in Sierra Leone?"
Shit! That wasn't what she was expecting. She thought he was going to talk about him, tell her about his nightmares, finally open up to her and let her in.
"What about Sierra Leone?" she asked nibbling his ear "It was a shithole" she giggled "In every sense of the word".
He turned his head on her shoulder to look at her "I know something happened there Molly, I saw Bones."
"Who?"
"Captain McClyde, the one that came to find where you were?" he sighed.
"Didn't really have anything to do with him, wouldn't know him again if he jumped out and bit me" making him snigger.
"Peanut told me that renegades from across the border stole your truck and medical supplies" he felt her shrug.
"Yeah well, a bit pissed at the time but could see why they did it" she sighed "they was scared weren't they, you know of Ebola an that."
"So come on Molly, how did you get back?"
"Well I had left me phone back at base and we did find my phone with Jac's as she had hers with her" she gripped him tighter with her legs "stayed off the road and walked back"
"Just like that?"
"Well yeah, what else were we to do?" she shrugged "We couldn't let anyone know to come and get us"
"I hear that one of the privates had been shot."
"Well, that was a bit of a worry, I'll give you that" she sighed "but the elder gave us some smelly mud stuff to plug his wound and it seemed to help keep any infection away until we could get back."
"So why didn't you tell me"?
"When I found your missed call, you were in Kathmandu and then you went on to Afghan, not that you told me" raising her eyebrows at him. The injustice of him questioning her about not telling him things when he hadn't either "then it all went tits up, Elvis was killed so I forgot about it. All things being equal after Elvis it didn't seem that important."
He nodded picking up her hand again and interlacing their fingers as he looked at her small hand in his, seems she really could look after herself.
"So how did your tour go?"
He shrugged "OK" as he answered non-committedly.
"Did you see Katy and Lauren out there?"
"Only briefly, Katy said you were in Dartmoor."
"Yeah bloody freezing it was too" then something occurred to her "So who told you about Sierra Leone then, have you seen Peanut? Was he out in Nigeria? Did something happen on this tour Charles?"
"I've just come back from somewhere hot and this water is getting cold" he said, his hands moving her legs from around his waist so he could lift himself out the bath and wrapping a towel round himself.
"Charles" staring at his back and sitting up herself "What happened?"
"Lane and a few of the section ended up being taken hostage by a Boka Harem cell and your mate Bones came to the rescue" he sighed and walked out the room.
"Shit" she whispered getting out the bath, taking another towel she followed him through into their bedroom to see him sat staring into space on the end of the bed "Is she alright?"
"Seems to be" not looking at her his interest focusing on the carpet.
"What's the matter Charles?" lifting her arm and running her fingers through his hair.
"Nothing much, just a man I haven't seen since Sandhurst knows more about what you've been up to than I do."
She sat next to him, put her arm through his and her head on his shoulder "I'm sorry Charles, I weren't deliberately covering anything up, it's just what with Elvis and that I forgot about it" she kissed his cheek "So you gonna tell me what Nigeria is like, is it beautiful, does it look like the pictures you showed me of Kenya?"
He snorted a laugh "Only you Molly" shaking his head, looking at her and grinning "So do you have news for me, did you make it through the exercise are you a Corporal?" He watched as her face broke out into one of her toothy grins as she nodded and he could see the excitement in her. Molly had never been devious or secretive, her face and eyes always giving her away, just like it was now. This was just another thing she had achieved without him even being here, hadn't needed his help for.
"So, are we going out to celebrate?" he grinned putting his arm round her.
"Nah! Mr Marks and Mr Spencer are providing the celebratory meal tonight as it's your first night back."
"Dine in for 2" he smirked raising his eyebrow as she giggled beside him nodding "Might take a while, we have to use the oven this time" and he threw his head back laughing. He was home.
-OG-
Charles had a very restless night's sleep. If he did have a nightmare it usually involved Elvis, he kept seeing him flying off that roof and hearing Lane screaming. This one started the same way, in that dilapidated factory and Elvis flying off the roof, but as he ran to him it seemed to change. He was in a jungle, there were trees everywhere and he couldn't see her but he saw Azizi grinning, he started calling for Molly, he could hear screaming, he couldn't find her. He woke with a start and he could hear the breathing next to him as a hand moved across his chest. It was only a dream, he hadn't lost her, and she was here next to him as he started to feel his thumping heart rate slow.
He was aware that it was coming up to the one year anniversary of Elvis' death and his nightmares were increasing. He hoped that it was just the anniversary that was causing it, but it wasn't helping that Molly kept asking him to tell her about them. He could tell by how tired she looked he was disturbing her sleep too. How could he tell her about them, they were confusing even to him. One minute he was in Afghan watching Elvis fall from that building but as he ran to him the scene changed, he was in a jungle and it was Molly lying there.
She'd gone down the pub with Jackie after a blazing row. If he couldn't tell her what was troubling him could he not go and see someone, one of the psychologists at Keogh perhaps, tell them he was having difficulties. He wasn't having difficulties he shouted at her, it was just a blip because it was the anniversary and it would pass. Her eyes filled with tears as she sighed at him giving him that intense stare she had, the one that made him think she was inside his head, looking at his very soul and found him wanting. That look made him uncomfortable, he could feel himself squirming on the sofa as he took a sip from his bottle of beer to distract himself.
"Please don't shut me out" she pleaded with him sitting next to him on the sofa, running her hand through his hair "I'm a medic maybe I could help" she grinned at him kissing his cheek as her hand moved down his chest "I know I can be a bit gobby but I can listen too" she tried to joke as he grabbed her hand "I know you miss him"
"I'm fine Molly" he sighed putting her hand back onto her lap "Isn't there something you need to be doing, I'm trying to watch the sport here" as he continued to watch Sky Sports but hadn't got a clue what game it was he was watching, he had been staring into space, couldn't even remember what he had been thinking before her interruption. There was that look again, the one that made him feel like she was inside his head, that she knew what happened in Afghan and Nigeria, that she didn't need him to tell her, she knew he was a clusterfuck, he couldn't even look after her in Sierra Leone, he was messing up in a completely different country.
Her eyes went icy at the rejection but she nodded and calmly got up and said she was going out. Oh and he might want to make an effort to return Sam's call while she was out. He heard her going up the stairs to their room and 20 minutes later the front door slammed.
-OG-
She had her Parker on as she walked to the pub to meet Jackie, her hands rammed into her pockets and her head down as she willed herself not to cry. Two years they had been married and it was going to shit already. She huffed a sigh, she shouldn't be surprised, she always thought, expected really that one day he was going to wake up and smell the coffee and realise she wasn't good enough for him. She knew he was struggling. That was one thing about her promotion and doing those extra courses, nightmares, flashbacks, mood swings all classic symptoms of PTSD. Not that she was sure he was having flashbacks he just stared into space. Increasing her pace to get to the pub, or it really could be that he had just got bored with her and wanted to live out of a Bergen.
She opened the door to the pub and the warm air hit her making her eyes water and her nose run. She saw Jackie at the bar with Dangles, Fingers and Brains so she painted on her best smile as she walked towards them.
"There you go Molls" said Jackie beaming at her and handing over a double vodka and coke. Fingers and Brains were already ahead. Fingers suggesting Tequila shots, each of them getting one round each and by the fifth she pretty much felt like her face was locked into the smile she had on her face.
"So, what's up with the Boss then?" slurred Fingers not noticing Brains elbow him in the ribs.
"What do you mean?"
"Just seems out of sorts, bit grumpy, you giving him a bit of earache Dawesy?"
"Nah just coming up for the anniversary ain't it" Jackie looking at her with narrowed eyes.
"Yeah, Georgie is a bit miserable as well according to my Marie" he nodded.
"Understandable don't you think mate" interjected Brains wanting this conversation to stop he could see how upset Molly was and Fingers as usual was missing all the signs.
"Come on let's go and sit down over there on those chairs" said Jackie interlinking arms and dragging Molly away from a conversation that was clearly upsetting her friend. Dangles gave her a brief nod and ordered them up some drinks which he took over to them before returning to the bar with the lads.
"Come on Molls talk to me" said her friend "I know there is something wrong."
"I can't Jacs" she replied taking a large gulp of her drink causing Jackie to raise her eyebrow at the amount she was putting away tonight.
"I may not have known you quite as long as Katy and Lauren" she grinned "But nearly, and we did walk through a bloody jungle together, we're good mates, you can tell me anything and I won't say a word you know that."
"I know Jacs" she sighed "and yeah you are a really good mate" finishing the drink and indicating to Dangles to top it up and he came across with another Vodka and Coke "Thanks mate" she grinned at him, he smiled back winking at her.
"I won't even tell him" giggled Jackie watching Dangles retreating back.
"Yeah I know" looking at her friend "I don't know if he regrets us getting married, not sure he still wants to be with me and I don't know what to do about it."
"Oh, shit Molls" she grabbed her hand "Why, what makes you think that?"
Everything she had been feeling for months just poured out "He never wants to go out anymore, doesn't really laugh like he used to, then he insinuated I might have got 5 points for me Corp on basic. The icing on the cake is he thinks I covered up what happened in Sierra Leone and I didn't Jacs, he was pretty devastated over Elvis, having nightmares and that so I just forgot about it."
Jackie took a large gulp of her own drink "I don't know Molls, I haven't really seen much of you both together in ages but his eyes follow you everywhere, I would say he was still pretty loved up" giving a small cough "do you think it could be something else, how much has he talked about Afghan and what happened?"
"Hardly at all, other than Azizi betrayed them" and Molly shrugged.
"You've done the courses Molly" raising her eyebrows and doing a half shrug "Could it be something else" putting her hand on Molly's "Could it be PTSD, nightmares, mood swings, isolating himself all classic signs."
"Shit" it had already crossed her mind but now someone else was agreeing with her "Now I'm questioning everything, maybe since he was shot or since Kenya, maybe I missed all the signs, but definitely since Elvis was killed."
Jackie also took a large mouthful of her drink "It can't be that long, not since Afghan when he was shot. I think if anything it was Elvis that started it but he has certainly seen enough trauma over the years his own shooting, Geraint, Smurf, Mansfield being shot and then Elvis, his best mate and that's without all the other things he has seen on tour."
"I don't know what to do Jacs" her eyes filling with tears as Jackie put her arm round her "If I report it he will hate me and never speak to me again, if I don't it could get worse because he's refusing to admit he has a problem and speak to someone."
"Rock and a hard place" Jackie sighed "All you can do is be a wife I guess and try and get him to admit it and get help."
"Is that what you think I should do. Be his wife and not a medic?" Molly said tearfully.
Jackie nodded "Look if he goes on tour, the lads might notice, Fingers has already commented he's grumpy not that I expect them tossers to notice much. But Georgie, she's the medic she would notice something like that, probably best to let her handle it when she does her medical assessments, it is her job after all as the section medic."
"Yeah you're right Jacs, I'll keep trying to talk with him" she gave a watery grin "Best we don't say nothing and colour her judgement, if it gets worse, Georgie will notice and do something, I know she will."
"Yes she will" nodded Jackie "So come on Molls" she grinned "Let's get back to the bar and more drinks" as Molly threw her head back laughing. Before they got back there Jackie stopped her "You can talk with me anytime Moll if you need help with this, you and the Captain are perfect for each other and you've both put up with a lot of stick to be together."
"You know I don't do perfect Jacs" she beamed at her friend kissing her on the cheek "Thanks mate I really appreciate it."
It was well past closing when Molly, Jackie and Dangles started staggering home, she kissed her mates goodnight and carried on to their house. She finally focused enough and got the key in the lock as she leaned against the door it flew open hitting the wall and she ricocheted across the hall.
"Where the fuck have you been?" he said quietly from the doorway of their living room, his legs apart and his hands under his armpits as he watched her trying to get her coat off and kicking her shoes across the hall. Moving forward to pick them up. She had been gone hours and he had been pacing the living room getting worried about her and where she was.
"Doing what I was meant to be doing" she giggled "Getting rat arsed" as she staggered up the hall and swiped him out the way so she could get to the stairs. She stood at the bottom looking up, her hands outstretched on the walls and noticing everything was looking a little blurry. She grinned, so the best plan of action was to crawl up the stairs on her hands and knees she thought, couldn't fall down them that way. She got about half way up before collapsing and falling asleep. He grinned, well at least she had come back after he had royally pissed her off, picking her up and carrying her to their bedroom. He'd been worried, thought she would just go for a walk and come back. Her phone had been off and he been getting increasingly worried about where she had gone. Should have known she would be with Jackie, shaking his head as he laid her down on their bed.
He took her jeans and sweatshirt off leaving her in her underwear, laid her on her side tucking her under the quilt and went downstairs for a bucket, glass of water and Nurofen. He ran his fingers through her hair as he pushed it away from her face, not a line on it. Well why would there be he snorted a laugh she wasn't even 24 yet. He knew he was blowing hot and cold with her and he didn't know why. On that tour where he first met her he remembered the way she looked at him, hung onto his every word, she didn't look at him like that anymore. He heard Elvis again, "you can't wrap her in cotton wool Charlie, she can look after herself. Just don't lose the best thing that ever happened to you" He sighed he missed his friend, he felt that lump in his throat again, he blinked a few times. He really didn't want her to know that it was his fault that Elvis died, it's why he couldn't talk to her about what happened. He removed his own clothes turned out the light and got into bed beside her. He put his arm over her, so if she needed him in the night he would feel her move. He kissed her shoulder, she had come in pretty wasted but she moved closer to him in her sleep.
-OG-
The anniversary came soon enough, Elvis' parents wanted to mark it by having a memorial and organised a big get together in a local Italian restaurant for family, friends and his old team. If Molly was being honest she didn't think they should be going as Charles had been getting more withdrawn as the day approached. He had organised an overnight stop in a hotel so they didn't have to drive back and it would appear that Elvis' team were doing the same thing. Georgie was coming down with Marie, they were all staying in the same hotel.
It was a hard day for all of them. Charles spent quite a lot of time with Georgie reminiscing over Elvis and some of his antics, Marie also there supporting her.
"How's Molly" asked Georgie and he grinned looking across at her talking with Peanut, Spanner and Jenny "She's fine, you know Molls?"
"Jac's has organised one of those overnight stays in Ragdall again" grinned Marie.
"I know" he grinned back "So make sure you get all the pampering you need before we go to Belize in a couple of months" looking across at his wife who he still hadn't told he was going away again as he saw her laughing with Jenny.
"You going to miss her birthday Boss?" asked Georgie
"We haven't got the exact dates for the training exercise but it will be a close run thing Lane."
"At least she's army and will probably understand" sighed Marie "apparently according to Molly Sue has left Dyno, she's taken the kids, pissed off being on her own all the time."
"I'm not sure being in the army makes you understand any better" responded Georgie to her sister looking at Charles who had turned to look at Molly again and appeared to be sighing himself.
-OG-
"So, is it Bones that's your new Boss then?" asked Molly grinning at Peanut and he nodded "Tell the tosser thanks very much" both Spanner and Peanut sniggering at what she had called him.
"Don't know what his beef is with Charles but it was bloody irresponsible winding him up like that out there."
"Molly, do I detect that the extra stripe has made you more sensible, you wouldn't to go rushing around Kabul anytime soon?" grinned Spanner
"I was young weren't I" laughing back and causing both Spanner and Peanut to laugh, she was hardly old now "you weren't there when we had to get that bloody tree for her were you Peanut?"
Peanut shook his head, "no mate but I was there when her and Jacs thwarted Private Hudson's attempt to get them food on their long walk home."
"Spiders and snakes" they said in unison laughing hard, even Jenny joined in.
"You's two are so not funny."
Charles walked up behind her and put his arm possessively round her shoulder as she grinned up at him.
"Don't worry about it half pint, half the population of Scotland realises you don't like Spiders" laughed Spanner continuing their conversation even though Charles had joined them.
"Shattering wasn't it?" added Peanut laughing raucously
No one really noticing that Charles may have been smiling but he wasn't laughing and he had gripped her shoulder a little tighter. Half pint was what Elvis called her. He zoned out for a moment as he thought he saw his friend smiling.
-OG-
It had been six weeks since the get together in Essex for Elvis. Molly had been away with the girls and had just arrived back and flopped down on the sofa next to him.
"Good time" he asked idly still staring at the Sport.
"Yeah, always good" she sighed "Shame Sue didn't come, now her and Dyno have split up she doesn't want to come anymore, think she wants a clean break. Can understand it but still missed her."
"Well sometimes it's just best to leave the past in the past and maybe you're all reminders" he shrugged as she turned to stare at him. She was looking inside his head again, trying to see what he was thinking so he turned back to the TV.
"Very profound" and she got up to go to the kitchen and put the kettle on. She made her tea but didn't go back into the living room with him. She had heard Georgie and Marie talking about the boys all going off to Belize on a training exercise and yet Charles hadn't said a word to her about it. In six weeks he would be gone again, it wasn't that he wouldn't be here for her birthday it was the fact, he was still having nightmares, still zoning out but bit her head off if she didn't tell him exactly where she was. Even Sam wasn't phoning so often, he had noticed his Dad being snappy with him. It was as if he was getting more and more distant from her. Couldn't bear to look at her half the time.
Molly was sat on a stool in the kitchen with her tea and flipping through a magazine when he walked in "What are you doing out here?"
"Thought you would rather watch the sport in peace" she answered not even bothering to look up at him.
"Right" he sighed turning to walk back into the living room again as she lifted her head to look at his retreating back.
"Anything you've forgotten to tell me?" she said quietly just as he got to the door and he swung round "You know forgotten to mention a little trip to the Caribbean for instance?"
"I was going to tell you when it was all confirmed."
"So, when you off and for how long?"
"I'm sorry I was hoping the dates might be different, I won't be here for your birthday."
"Don't matter you wouldn't have been here anyway" she sneered looking back at her magazine.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean, where are you going?"
"I ain't going anywhere, you…." she sighed still pretending to be looking at her magazine her eyes full of tears and she couldn't see any of the print "however never really came back from Afghan did you?"
"You do talk rubbish at times Molly" he sighed coming back into the kitchen to get another bottle of beer from the fridge.
She looked at him, her eyes still full of tears, she felt so alone and hurt. The loneliness washed over her, she was sat in the kitchen with him and he couldn't bear to look at her. When they had got together, she struggled to believe that someone like him could care that much for someone like her, but she had believed him, trusted him. He made her believe and trust in him in them. She sighed as she stared at him and now he didn't really want her anymore, would prefer to be on tour than at home with her. Somehow and somewhere along the line she had turned into Rebecca, he no longer thought of her as the love of his life. The promises when he was in rehab, after that first tour, that she would always come first were broken.
He couldn't look at her for long, before he got the bottle opener concentrating on popping the cap. There was that look again, the one that looked into his head and saw he was a screw up. "I'll take you out when I get back" he mumbled.
"Don't bother, it's not important" still watching him broken hearted that the man she loved more than anything didn't feel the same anymore "You go off with Georgie and 2 section, carry on hiding behind your uniform, you clearly can't do without them. They are obviously more important to you."
He looked back at her as she jutted out her chin in defiance "I on the other hand was always disposable" and she got up to leave the room.
"I suppose you are going to run off down the pub now then?" he said bitterly.
"No mate, I'm going to bed."
He finished his beer still sat in the kitchen after Molly's outburst, if you could call it that, the controlled tears and anger was something that had radiated off her while she told him he was hiding behind his uniform.
He sat on the top stair just outside their bedroom, he could hear her quiet sobs his face in his hands. He had broken every promise to her. He promised he would always make her happy and from the sounds coming inside their bedroom she wasn't. 'Hiding behind his uniform?' Did she not realise what it was like being a Captain and the responsibilities he had to his sections, how they depended on him. Elvis was right, she had always been able to look after herself, she didn't need him to do that, but his sections…..and he couldn't leave Georgie to go on her own after what happened in Nigeria, she needed him to be there, keep her focused and on the straight and narrow. After losing Elvis and his part in his death he owed it to Georgie to be there and keep her safe.
-OG-
It was Saturday morning and Molly was just finishing off her ironing when the doorbell went. Standing on the front step was Sam and Rebecca. Rebecca noticed her look of surprise "can we come in?" Molly stepped back to let them in noticing a small overnight bag in Rebecca's hand.
"Is Charles not here?"
Molly shook her head "He had to go into barracks this morning, should be back in a couple of hours," Rebecca raised her eyebrows and shook her head
"He was supposed to have picked up Sam last night, taken him out for the weekend before he goes off again" Molly nodded, what an idiot she was of course, he always had Sam for the weekend if he was being deployed or going off on exercise. Sam had already shot off up to his room with his overnight bag.
"I'm sorry he's not here Rebecca" sighed Molly "Would you like a cup of tea or coffee, I don't know how much longer he will be though?" Rebecca nodded and followed her through into the kitchen.
They were sat at the breakfast bar and Molly really wasn't sure what to say, she could hit Charles for forgetting to collect Sam if he had promised him. While Rebecca had never been hostile to her and vis versa this was an uncomfortable situation.
"Is Charles alright Molly?" asked Rebecca and Molly nodded there was no way she was telling the ex-wife anything. Rebecca was pretty astute and saw the look flit across Molly's face.
Rebecca took a huge breath this was a difficult conversation for her "Our marriage was never going to work, it was pretty much over by the end of the 2nd tour" taking another large breath "I couldn't cope with the loneliness of army life, especially with a baby, thinking he was only there for Sam" she smiled "when he came back from the 3rd tour he had changed, he lost a man, spent time visiting the mother became detached, distant" staring into her coffee remembering a time that had made her feel miserable and alone. "I'd already started divorce proceedings so didn't really notice or care that much at the time" she sighed "He volunteered for that last tour, where he met you, couldn't wait to go back."
Molly was all ears hearing about Charles past, a time he didn't really talk about much although she knew all about it. She put out her hand and put it over Rebecca's which was on the breakfast counter, encouraging her to continue "As much as I loathed Elvis, they were very close friends and I imagine Charles is finding things difficult." Molly nodded her eyes filling with tears, she had actually liked Elvis, as Rebecca looked at her "I could see how happy he was after he met you, I had high hopes he had found what he was looking for" she sighed "but to forget his son…" she was shaking her head her own eyes filling with tears "You have always been very kind to Sam, always included him in your life, never tried to take my place or make it a competition" gripping Molly's hand now "I will always be grateful for that and if ever you need to talk to someone that has been through this, I'll listen."
"Thanks Rebecca, it really means a lot to me" giving her a watery smile "especially when Sam came back after visiting my family thinking he could spend his life in his pants" trying to lighten the mood and making Rebecca laugh "He's due on exercise in Belize, he has a competent medic going out with them, I'm sure if anything is wrong she will see it and report it so he has to get the help he needs" sighing "but from this end I will keep trying to tell him to talk" she grinned "not that he listens to me either" both women smiling at each other with a new found understanding.
"Sam is my priority and I don't want him hurt if Charles…"
"He won't be hurt Rebecca, I'll make sure he has a good time while he is here."
Rebecca nodded and smiled "I've finally met someone, it's very early days and I'm not ready to introduce Sam yet" sighing "Just in case, don't want to confuse him."
"I'm pleased for you" grinned Molly "What does he do?"
"Well, he comes home every day" laughed Rebecca standing up getting ready to leave "I'd better be off."
-OG-
The following morning the three of them set off for Legoland. Molly must've gone on nearly all the rides with Sam, making him laugh every time she screamed, while Charles took him into the shop and he came out with armfuls of Lego kits. He had a lot on and it had completely slipped his mind that this was his last weekend at home before he left for the jungle training.
The conversation was strained between him and Molly, at every opportunity she asked him not to go, that he needed to talk with someone about what he was feeling. In all the time she had known him he had never forgotten to pick up his son, did that not say something to him? Thing is there was nothing to say, he wasn't really feeling anything. His son seemed happy playing with Molly and Molly didn't need him to be there, the only ones that made him feel secure these days were the army and 2 section, that familiar routine was what he needed, kept him grounded. Being their Captain gave him the purpose that nothing else did anymore.
He dropped Molly off at home and drove his son back to Bath and Rebecca. Tomorrow he would leave for Belize. It was late when he got back and Molly had already gone to bed when he arrived. He climbed in next to her and turned his back to her, she didn't need him anymore, she had got her promotion and she barely even mentioned it, if he saw Major Beck he always commented on the glowing reports about her and how highly thought of she was by anyone that had worked with her. She couldn't understand why he needed to go on this training session. She hadn't seen the reports back from Afghan and Nigeria, he had to prove he was still up to being a Captain. What else could he do, the army was all he had ever known and wanted. He knew she was slipping away from him so the army was the only constant he had to hold on to.