AN: Alright, I've got a long chapter for you today! Happy Sunday and happy reading!
Lily woke up the next day with a plan.
She kept her plan simple. She had to revise her resume, and then send it out to at least three agencies.
Simple as it was, it seemed very daunting so she ended up staying in bed for an extra hour and a half so she wouldn't have to start her day when she woke. And then when she did get up, she decided to make herself a nice breakfast. And then some nice tea. And then the morning paper was on the table and she hadn't really checked in with what was going on locally in a long time, so she had to be responsible and read a few articles about the local sports teams and elections and the library that she'd practically grown-up in. Apparently, McGonagall and Sprout were overseeing some renovations. She would have to get down there soon to check things out.
And then it was almost noon and she started getting upset with herself for putting off something that really wasn't going to be all that difficult. All she had to do was proofread something that she had already proofread, and then email it to people who wanted people to send them their resumes.
She took her tea and a stack of Oreos up to her room, leaving her phone in the kitchen, and sat down in front of her computer. She glanced out her window, finding James' curtains pulled shut, and huffed since he would not be available to distract her.
That was a good thing though. She didn't need to be distracted right now, she needed to be a grown up and do this very simple task.
She pulled up a few different publishers' websites that she was interested in working for, went and clicked on their jobs tab in all three before she looked at anything else, and then she bit the bullet (and an Oreo) and started reading the listings.
She opened the jobs that she was qualified for in new tabs and tried to distract herself just enough by daydreaming about what it would be like to finally have a job where she got to work with books all day. She'd had an internship for The Hallows two years ago, so she had a fairly good idea what working in publishing entailed, she knew that she loved the atmosphere and how excited everyone got about upcoming books and literary events. What she didn't' know, was why The Hallows hadn't offered her a job at the end of summer. They had offered a job to the girl Lily had spent the summer working with, the girl Lily had taught how to use the phones.
But it was fine.
She was going to get an even better job.
Or, a job, at the very least.
One that was in her field.
And hopefully not too far from her mum. Preferably.
After she got into the rhythm of things, and after she'd threaten to toss her laptop out the window if it continued to load slowly, it was nearly five and she had done far more than she had set out to do.
There were no responses yet, but she had sent her resume out to quite a few places, applying for many different jobs within the same companies and she figured that at least one of them would call her within the week.
TAP
Lily jumped and turned toward her window. James' curtains were open now, and he was standing in front of his window with his arms crossed over his chest.
Lily closed her laptop, feeling accomplished. She walked over to her window to find out why James looked like he was upset with her.
She pulled her window open and leaned against the frame. "I thought you said you were done throwing rocks at my window?"
"Well, I had to get your attention somehow."
Lily nodded. "I thought we agreed that you doing anything at all to get my attention was what caused all of our problems when we were kids."
"All of our problems?" He raised his brow and Lily shrugged. "I texted you a couple times about dinner. Are you really trying to stand me up? Somewhere I can see you?"
Lily snorted. "I'm not standing you up. I've been looking for jobs all afternoon and I had to leave my phone in the kitchen so that I didn't just watch TikToks all day instead. Are you ready to eat now? Because now that I'm thinking about food, I don't think I ever ate lunch and I'm very hungry."
James ran a hand through his hair and held up his phone. "I'm ready when you are, which you would know if you'd at least checked your phone." He was teasing her, and she couldn't pretend that she didn't like it.
"Well I'm sorry that I was being a responsible adult!" She shook her head and then closed her window.
She had never gotten dressed that morning, so she had to find some clothes to throw on. She refused to let herself think about what she was putting on past, 'does this look good with that,' because this wasn't a date. She wasn't going to start dating someone that was moving less than two weeks.
Not only was he moving, but he was joining a football team that would take him all over England. He would be meeting new people and going new places and he wouldn't have time for her.
Lily huffed as she shoved her foot into a trainer, because she knew that wasn't a good reason to not date someone. If he had proven that he wasn't going to make time for her that would be one thing, but projecting problems that hadn't come up, was not good and it made great opportunities turn sour.
She needed to stop doing that.
She needed to just… live in the moment, or some cliché shit like that.
She didn't know how to do that, but she was excited to see James, and that seemed like a good first step.
She walked out her front door and he was standing on her porch with a single daisy. He held it out to her, and she started laughing. She didn't mean to start laughing, but it was entirely ridiculous that James was standing on her front porch holding out a single daisy for her.
"Again, I'd appreciate a bit more subtlety in your rejections. At least until I build up a thicker skin," His arm sagged a bit, but he was smiling so she knew that she hadn't done real damage.
She took the flower. "I was just thinking, before I walked out here, how weird it is to be spending time with you and not dreading it. To not feel the need to be cautious about whether or not you're going to be a prat, or try and explain to me why I'm wrong about everything. And then I walk out and you're holding out a flower," She laughed again, twirling the flower stem between her fingers. "The Lily of forty-eight hours ago would not have believed this to be possible."
"Well, the James and Lily of forty-eight hours ago had a lot to learn." James shrugged.
"They were so young," Lily put a hand over her heart. "Naïve, even."
"Bit thick in the head, really."
"Speak for yourself, sir." Lily skipped off her porch and started toward the concrete. "We're walking, right?"
"I assumed we would." He nodded, following after her.
Lily looked at the small white petals on her flower and then over at James. He was smiling at her, like he knew how much she liked that he had just handed her this one small flower. She scrunched her nose. "Stop it."
"Nah," He repeated what he'd said in his text last night and then raked his hand through his hair.
"I used to hate it when you did that," She said, and he raised a brow.
"When I said 'nah?'" His brow was furrowed, and he had no right to look that cute while confused. Lily was quickly losing ground here when it came to not agreeing to date this boy.
"No, when you messed your hair up like that. I think it's more of a nervous tick now, but you used to do it in secondary all the time to make yourself look cool and I did not like it."
"To look cool?" James laughed, "You were just jealous."
"Jealous?" Lily laughed as well, reaching up to pull her hair tie from her hair. "I don't think so, love. Look at all this hair. It's fabulous. I could be Princess Merida if I wanted to."
James reached out and tucked her hair back behind her ear, as casually as if he did it all the time and Lily bit the tip of her tongue to keep from overreacting. She tilted her head at him. "I didn't mean that you were jealous of my hair." And there was that glint in his eye. "I meant you were jealous that you didn't get to run your hands through it."
Lily held his gaze for a second and then shrugged. "I've heard less believable theories." He might have been right. Though teenage Lily might have just been mad about it because it was something that James did, and she was good at finding things that James did, that she could be upset about.
They walked in silence for a little while, a tension filled, slightly awkward silence that made Lily think that she shouldn't have said what she'd said.
And then James started laughing.
Lily raised her brows as she turned to look at him. "I'm sorry," He shook his head and tried to stop laughing. "I just can't believe that you just agreed with me."
Lily clicked her tongue. "Let's not be rash, I didn't agree with you. I just said that there were more outlandish theories."
"I know, I know," He nodded, and then he was poking her in the side, and she was shuffling sideways to get out of his reach. "But still, you didn't shut me down because you used to fancy me, Evans! How cute is that?"
Lily blinked at him for a moment and then laughed, "Are you drunk right now?"
"Maybe," He took a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets. "To be perfectly honest with you-"
"What were you being before?"
"I have felt a bit intoxicated since we got in the car yesterday." He looked over at her with that crooked smile that had pulled her in three days ago. When he'd tossed his number through her window via paper airplane. She felt the butterflies act up and crossed her arms over her chest.
"That doesn't sound safe. Seeing as how you were driving us."
"I wasn't intoxicated." He pointed out, needlessly, and while he continued to smile at her.
"This is ridiculous."
"Completely," He agreed, which only threw Lily again.
"Yes, but I think you and I are referring to different things."
"Maybe, but we're still agreeing instead of arguing so, I think that's a point in our favor."
"I was referring to-" But then he was cutting her off.
"I thought a lot about what you said yesterday before we had lunch. And I think you're right."
Lily's heart froze in her chest. She was quite sure that it had literally froze, in her chest. What part of what she said did he think she was right about? Because the crux of what she had said, was that they shouldn't date one another. Was that what he was agreeing with?
If so, she shouldn't feel this sense of dread creeping over her. Because she had said it first. Because not dating was the sensible thing to do.
Or to not do.
Even if him saying it now meant that he had seen enough of her in the last twenty-four hours to know that he wasn't interested in her romantically any more, that maybe he never was-
She was spiraling and she needed to stop and just ask him what he meant.
The boy had shown up at her doorstep and gave her a flower, he wasn't about to tell her that he was no longer interested.
Logically she could grasp that.
But her brain had never been great at being logical when it came to James.
"Oh yeah?" She asked, forcing herself to take a slow, deep breath. "What part of what I said do you suddenly agree with? Taking over the confectionary?" Did making a joke there make her seem too obvious? What exactly was she being obvious about? Was James somehow reading her mind just then, hearing all the logic-free rambling that her brain was doing?
No. That was ridiculous. James couldn't read minds. No one could, hopefully.
It didn't feel good to think that he'd changed his mind about her so quickly and she wished that he would just spit out what he agreed with already. But he was just walking along beside her, his hands still in his pockets and a thoughtful look on his face. She wanted to shake him.
And on top of all of that going on in her brain, Mary's suggestion kept jumping out at her too. Which was basically to just snog him.
Thoughtful advice was not Mary's strong suite.
"Well, I agree that we don't really know each other anymore… Or maybe we never really knew each other that well." Did he notice her sigh of relief? Did she notice her own sigh of relief, because what the hell did that mean? She shouldn't want him to want to date her if she didn't want to date him. That hardly seemed fair. "And while I think that dating someone is a really good way to get to know them, I understand that you might not be comfortable with that."
She tilted her head to the side, rolling the daisy stem between her fingers. "And?"
"And, I figured that tonight, we should get to know one another." He smiled at her and she started laughing, spilling her relief and a slew of heavy and complicated thoughts out. His smile grew and a few more of her loud thoughts started to fade away.
"Oh?" She was still laughing, and he was smiling at her as though she wasn't about to make fun of him. "Is that what you've decided? That we can just get to know each other tonight?"
"I mean, we made good headway yesterday, I believe, but I plan to know all kinds of things about you after tonight." He nodded, his eyes looked as though they were sparkling. He knew he was being ridiculous, and he was enjoying it. He was enjoying her enjoyment.
"Okay," She let out a breath and shrugged her shoulders. "And what do you want to know first?"
"Well, we have to start somewhere easy," James looked in front of them, clapping his hands together. "Why is your favorite color yellow?"
She wasn't surprised that he knew her favorite color, but she did get a burst of excitement at the phrasing of the question. She nodded her head, "Okay, so, that is not an easy question and you're definitely not going to want to spend the rest of the evening with me if I tell you the truth."
James laughed, sounding almost victorious, "Well now you must tell me!"
Lily looked up at the dimming sky as she told him. "I feel like yellow will be sad if I pick a new favorite color." He started laughing, like she knew he would, and she realized that she quite liked making him laugh. Some buzzing of her earlier thoughts started to come back, but James interrupted them.
"You think the color yellow will get sad?"
"Of course I do! I mean, I've been very devoted to the color yellow for almost my entire life. I flirted with purple for a bit when I was four, but then I was with yellow from then on out. I can't just change my mind now. That would be rude." He continued to laugh, and she smiled as she watched his face.
He nodded, "I've never had the same favorite color for more than a few months."
"Well then you don't know at all what I'm talking about. What is your favorite color now?"
"Okay, well green has almost always been one of my favorite colors, but I also never have just had one favorite color."
"What are your other favorite colors then?"
"Red."
"Your favorite colors are green and red?" She snorted. "So, Christmas?"
His ears were slightly red, which made Lily think that she was missing something, but he shrugged. "I do thrive in a good ugly sweater."
"Christmas jumpers are my favorite." Lily agreed. "Alright, what's the next question." She could see the diner now. There was a group of teenagers out front, having taken their food to go, only to eat in the parking lot. This is what all the neighborhood teens had been doing as long as Lily could remember. It is what she had done with Severus and Petunia and Gwen when they were teenagers. Mary was the only one that ever wanted to eat inside, and that was probably because she didn't live in the neighborhood.
"When was your first date?"
Lily looked away from the group, who were tossing fries back and forth, trying to catch them in their mouths. "My first date was when I was… fourteen?"
"Are you asking me?"
"No," She snorted. "I was fourteen. It was with Bertram Aubrey and his mum drove us to the ice cream shop near the movie theater and dropped us off. It was extremely awkward, and I dropped my ice cream on my white converse and could never get the stain out."
"So an overall winning experience?" James walked up to the crosswalk and held out his hand to Lily. "We're about to cross the street, Lily." He said when she narrowed her eyes. "Safety first."
"When was your first date?" She asked, debating whether or not she should just start walking across the road, or if she should just take his hand. "Everly, right?"
"It's so weird to me that you know that." He was still holding out his hand.
She took it, but she made sure to roll her eyes while she did it.
He didn't seem to mind the eyeroll.
"Yes, Everly was the first girl that I went out with. I was fifteen and I did not want my mum to be involved at all, for obvious reasons," Lily nodded as he led her across the street, his hand warm around hers. It was a bit unnerving how natural it felt to hold his hand. "We went to the skate park, which was stupid because my idea was to impress her and it didn't occur to me that the most advanced thing I could do on a skate board was, not fall off." Lily laughed, squeezing his hand as they stepped up off the road.
"I would have been impressed. At fifteen, I had watched Mary nearly split her skull in two because she was unable to not fall off. Girl went through three different helmets before her mum took her skateboard away."
He was grinning. "I mean, I might be underselling what a talent that is. I can still not fall off."
Lily smiled. "While moving or just when you stand on it?"
"I don't think we need any more details." James ran his free hand through his hair and then he was holding the door open for her and letting go of her hand. She was not not disappointed at the loss of contact.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to pry."
"No worries." He waved her off and she laughed again.
They walked into the diner and Lily felt a wave of nostalgia roll over her again. She hadn't been here since last summer most likely. When Mary had come to visit and they got chocolate shakes with the red and white, striped, paper straws.
She took a deep breath and was glad to find that it smelled exactly the same as it always had. Like vinyl seats, grease, and chips.
"Booth or counter?" James asked, walking in behind her.
"Booth," He nodded and then his hand was on her lower back and he was leading her across the diner, toward the corner booth where she had seen him, and his mates sit many times.
His hand on her back was only slightly distracting.
Lily slid in on one side and James on the other. Lily folded her hands-on top of the table after setting the daisy to the side and James grinned at her.
"What?" She asked, raising her brows.
James shook his head, "I've been imagining this for years now. Sitting across from you in this exact booth."
Lily bit the tip of her tongue and narrowed her eyes slightly. She didn't want to admit that she used to think about that very same thing. Though, he wasn't speaking in past tense.
"What can I get for the two of you?" A waitress by the name of Dell handed them a pair of menus and then pulled out her notepad. "Or do you need a minute?"
Lily shook her head. "I think I'm good to order. You?" She asked James.
"I'm ready," He nodded.
Lily ordered a chicken sandwich, chips, and a strawberry shake. James ordered a burger, crisps and a coke and then Dell walked off.
"I think it's my turn to ask you a question now." Lily said, tapping her fingers against the table. James crossed his arms and leaned against the table.
"I think you are right." He nodded, and Lily really liked hearing him say that.
She hummed for a minute while she thought over what she should ask him. "Why didn't you order a shake?"
James laughed, "Somehow I knew that you were going to ask me that." Lily shrugged, not upset that he found her question predictable. "I used to order a malt whenever I came here, but since they took it off their menu, I haven't been inclined to order a frozen dessert, lest they decide to stop serving that as well."
Lily snorted and then started laughing. "You're pouting? You're depriving yourself of a really good shake, to pout?"
James shook his head, looking far more serious than he had any right to. "No, listen, I'm doing this for everyone else."
"Oh? Please explain."
"Of course." He slipped up, and the corner of his mouth betrayed him. He schooled his features and pressed on, "If I start getting a shake, and decide that I love it and it's the greatest thing ever, like I did with the chocolate malt, then they'll take it off their menu and no one will ever be able to have it again."
Lily slowly shook her head. "I can't tell if that's egocentric or just dumb, but I'm sure that all the people here appreciate your sacrifice, James."
"It's not egocentric, because the people here don't know that I'm making this sacrifice for them. I do this, not for the appreciation, but just for the general good of the public."
Lily snorted again and shook her head. Dell came back with their order and Lily pulled her shake toward her, taking a drink through the red and white, striped, paper straw. "Well, I'm glad that the fate of the neighborhood doesn't depend on me not getting to drink a shake, because I would not be able to exercise such control."
"Yes well, you are lucky that I am willing." James picked up a crisp and shoved it into his mouth. "My next question for you, is… are you unpacked yet?"
Lily tilted her head. "Interesting question,"
"I'm trying to get to know you. Are you the kind of person who can leave boxes full of stuff in the middle of your room for days on end, or did you empty them all and put it all away?"
She nodded, "Right. Well, I unpacked everything except my books. And I would have unpacked those, but the bookshelf in my room is too small, and so I don't really have anywhere to put them. But everything else is unpacked! I was worried if I put it off any longer, I would trip and hurt myself during one of my hairband rehearsals." James laughed.
"I'm forever grateful that I've had a front row seat to so many of your performances."
Lily shook her head and stuffed chips into her mouth. "The fact that you've seen me dance around my room more than once is sort of mortifying."
"No," James shook his head. "Your dance moves are mighty impressive."
They continued to eat and ask each other questions back and forth until the daisy on the table was getting wilted, and Lily was debating asking for a glass of water for it. She probably would have if she knew that James wasn't going to be smug about it. But she knew the opposite of that, he would most definitely be smug, so she just had to let the poor thing wilt.
When he wasn't looking, she slipped it into her sweater pocket.
It was still light out when they left the diner, as the sun didn't set until after nine this time of year. Lily was surprised to find that it was half past seven when she checked her watch.
"We were in there for two hours?" She raised her brow.
"I know," James nudged her elbow with his own. "Time just sort of melts away when we're together, huh?"
Lily looked at the concrete in front of her and pursed her lips. "I mean, I sort of set you up for that one by being so genuinely surprised."
"Doesn't mean that it's not true." He shrugged. "Let's walk back through the park." It was the longer way to get back to their houses, and he didn't really give her a chance to say no. He just reached out and took her hand, leading her across the street, and heading into the park instead of turning right.
Lily would have answered if she hadn't been distracted by his hand on hers again.
And he didn't let go this time. There were no doors to open in the park, and so he didn't have a reason to let go.
She tried to tell herself that she shouldn't care much one way or the other.
The sixteen-year-old in her told her to shut the fuck up and enjoy it.
After all, she was trying to live in the moment or some shit.
Which meant that she was most definitely allowed to like holding James' hand.
"You got quiet on me," James said, letting their arms swing lightly as they walked along the paved path. The path circled all the way around the park, but it also split off going back toward the neighborhood after a ways.
Lily shrugged the arm that wasn't attached to the hand he was holding, some part of her worried that if she drew any attention to their conjoined hands, he'd remember that they were holding hands and let go.
She knew that was a ridiculous thought even as she was having it though, because he was the one who had come up with the reason that they needed to hold hands in the first place. He was the one who had taken hold of her hand.
He was probably just as aware as she was that they were holding hands.
"Very quiet." He commented, looking at her as they walked. "What are you thinking about?"
Lily shook her head. "Quiet doesn't have to be a bad thing."
"No, it doesn't." James agreed, brushing his thumb over the back of her hand, and unless he did that absentmindedly, he most definitely knew they were holding hands. "Are you quiet because I'm holding your hand?"
Okay maybe James could read her mind.
"That might have something to do with it, but not however you're thinking." She sighed. They had been nothing but honest with each other since yesterday, so she didn't see why she couldn't try and keep that up. To a point anyway, she didn't want to let him know exactly how out of it she felt.
James chuckled at her response. "It's not how I'm thinking? So you don't want me to let go of your hand then?"
Lily almost squeezed his hand at the suggestion. "If I wanted you to let go of my hand, I would simply take my hand back."
"Right," James was smirking. She wasn't looking at him, because she didn't want to see the smirk, but she knew that it was there. She could hear it in his voice. "But that brings me back to my original question, though I'd like to alter it slightly. What is it that you're thinking about in relation to holding my hand?"
Lily let out a reluctant laugh and looked over at James. He wasn't smirking, not really. The smile he wore was more boyish and happy than cocky and sure.
"I can't really get my brain to make sense, if you must know." She said, using her free hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. "But," She sucked in a breath. "I like holding your hand."
"Is that the part that doesn't make sense to you?' He teased.
She looked over at him. "No, James. I fancied you when we were kids too, remember? I'm not surprised to find out that I like holding your hand."
"I still can't believe that you liked me," He shook his head.
"Yes, and I'm still having a hard time believing that you liked me as well."
James continued to shake his head and Lily was quite sure that a bunch of 'what if' scenarios were playing through his head again.
And so she decided to go that route, instead of trying to explain what she had actually been thinking about. How do you even going about telling someone that you weren't sure if they were aware they were holding your hand anyway?
"This is what we would have done, yeah? If either one of us had got our shit together and worked out that we shouldn't have been shouting at one another so much?" James laughed and squeezed her hand. She wasn't sure if she was imagining it or not, but they seemed to be standing closer to one another now.
"Yeah, I guess we would have done this quite a lot." He nodded, looking over at her with that lopsided grin of his. The one that had convinced her to wake up twenty minutes earlier than she wanted to on school days so she could attempt to tame her curls so that he might notice. Wild. "I'm glad that we get to do it now." They were starting down the dirt path now, leaving the park and heading toward their houses.
Lily felt her insides warm and she nodded, "I'm glad too."
They continued down the path quietly and this time the quiet felt comfortable.
Lily still interrupted it anyway, because it was her turn to ask a question, "What are you thinking?"
He looked over at her just as their houses came into view. First James' and then hers. Her mum's car was parked in the driveway now.
James shrugged, looking away now. "I'm just trying to come up with another way we can get to know each other better. Do you like roller skating?"
"Not even a little bit," James laughed.
"I've learned so much about you this evening."
"Do you like roller skating?"
James shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't been since I was maybe twelve? Sirius kept checking me into the wall, so it wasn't like, the best time." Lily laughed. "I'll have to think of something else." Then he looked at her again, as though he just remembered something. "Assuming that you'd like to continue getting to know me," His comment lacked the cheek that should have come with it.
"Can't you just say 'hang out?'" Lily tilted her head to the side. The sun was starting to set now, and the porch light of the house they were walking past came on, causing James to be silhouetted. She couldn't see his eyes anymore, but his smile was still there.
"Right, sorry. Do you think we could hang out again?"
Lily bit the tip of her tongue and repeated that line about living in the moment to herself again. "I like hanging out with you, so yes."
James squeezed her hand again. "Brilliant."
"Something like that," She agreed.
He didn't try and kiss her. But she didn't try and kiss him either, so she couldn't really be too disappointed.
When she got back to her room, she pulled an old encyclopedia off her bookshelf and flipped it open. There were random pressed flowers throughout the book, and she'd written in sharpie the dates that she'd pressed the flowers and where she'd found them or who had given them to her.
She pulled a sharpie out of her desk drawer and flipped to a clear section of the book. She reached into her pocket, pulled out the wilted daisy, and carefully placed it on the page. She wrote the date at the top of the page and James Potter's name underneath it.
But she wasn't cliché about it, so there wasn't a heart.
The heart was implied.