For Their Sins

Set a few months after 'For Their Sins'.

Michael followed Jackie into her flat she had been drinking a lot tonight, more than she would normally and he wanted to make sure she got home safely. "you feeling ok Jackie?" He could tell she was not herself, this time of year was always hard for her.

"I'm fine Michael!" She flounced down on the couch.

"really?" he sat down next to her, obviously unconvinced.

"it's just…..oh I don't know….. another year older" she sat up "sometimes I feel like my life is just passing me by!" she bit her lip, something she seldom did, something she only did when she was nervous.

"I know how you feel!" he shrugged. Their last murder case had been tough on them both, it made him confront his own past mistakes. The relief he felt confiding in Jackie was immense, but he was all too aware of how Rosie Lewis's comments had got into her head. He'd wished he had been more receptive, less consumed in his own troubles, more of a friend to her when she spoke of children. He hadn't realised that she still wanted a family, he had assumed that she had become so career focused like him that a family was far from her mind. What surprised him more was after everything they had seen, she still had such faith in love. 'love doesn't always have to go wrong' had often played in his mind over the past few months. He wished he had the same faith. He reached into his pocket retrieving a small box wrapped in silver paper with a neatly tied ribbon. "I wanted to wait until I had you, on your own!" he handed it to her "Happy Birthday Jackie!" She looked surprised which made him smirk.

"thank you, you shouldn't have!" she smiled untying the ribbon and peeling off the paper. She opened the small box to find a chain with a silver circular pendant*, "Michael, this is lovely!" she found herself blushing feeling quite touched.

"I thought you would like it!" he shrugged. It was simple, elegant and understated, when he passed it on the street, he thought of her immediately. She stood up motioning to put it on, stopping

"Would you mind?" He stepped behind her taking the chain from her, and he clasped the chain behind her neck, brushing her skin slightly as he did. He was so close he could smell her perfume on her neck. She held the pendant in her hand and walked to the hall mirror "I love it Michael! Thank you!" She walked back to him leaning forward and kissing his cheek. He smirked as she sat back down noticing her still holding it. It filled him with a warmth he wasn't expecting.

"you welcome! Besides I thought I should get something a little special this year, since you have been such a good friend to me, especially with the whole Kinsella case! I know I was acting like a bear with a sore head!" She chuckled. He smirked, noticing she wasn't arguing with his assessment.

"Michael, …."

"yes?"

"do you remember asking me if I had it all over again would I change anything?" He had wondered if that had been playing on her mind, feeling slightly guilty for adding to her worry.

"yeah?"

"other than the Kinsella deal, is there anything you would change?"

"that's bit heavy!" he smirked, mirroring her response, trying to make her laugh.

"I'm serious!" she with a serious look on her face. "Is there anything in your life you wish were different, that you would want to change?" he stopped thinking for a moment, before sitting next to her.

"ok, ….sometimes, I wonder about the decisions I have made. Whether I chose the right…path…" he paused looking at her, suddenly Taggart's warning popping into his head. He paused caught in thought.

"and...?"

He shrugged "Maybe..things just work out how they are supposed to" he caught the flicker of disappointment cross her face and he realised what she was really asking him.

"yeah maybe" she smiled, the fake smile that didn't reach her eyes, he knew it well "my mum always said, that what's meant for you, won't go by you!" she took a deep breath, and she stroked her forehead. "just ignore me, birthdays, just seem to be getting harder!" He could tell she felt deflated, disappointed in his answer, and he would be lying if he hadn't thought about it. That his feelings for her were more than platonic. After his breakup with Elaine, it had been clear to him, but their friendship was not something he was willing to risk.

"Listen Jackie...working with you is... something I wouldn't want to change" he said. She nodded understanding what he meant. There was an awkward silence.

She yawned "I have that financial crimes course, starting first thing tomorrow"

"yeah, I forgot I volunteered you for that! Sorry!" he smiled. The thought of going on another course just filled him with such dread.

"maybe it will do me some good get out and about for a few days!" she smiled.

"I'll make a move then!" she nodded, getting up to see him to the door. He could tell she was upset, hurt even, he didn't know what to say.

"thank you for the necklace Michael, means a lot!"

"Happy Birthday!" she smiled opening the door for him, he leant in a kissed her check.

"Night Michael!" She closed the door behind him as he left, returning to her couch, the tears she had fought so hard to keep in, streaming. She thought back to all the moments she wished she could do over again. The time when she had been stood up and he offered her a drink and she just had to retort that he didn't drink, not saying no when Elaine asked to meet him, leaving Michael on the roof that night to go to meet Robbie. The biggest one of all not telling him she loved him, when he had jumped into a waterfall to save her life, that one she replayed over and over. "stop it!" she scolded herself standing up and heading to her bedroom. She took off the necklace placing it in box and putting it in her drawer. She couldn't go on like anymore waiting for him to show a glimmer that her feelings were reciprocated.

It was time to move on!

Jackie was sat in a conference room waiting for the course to start, drinking the tea she had picked up from a coffee shop she passed on the way in. She avoided the networking breakfast event that was happening next door, she didn't feel like making small talk, pretending to care about the course. She replayed her conversation with Michael, he had every opportunity to make a move, to tell her how he felt, it was evident that he would never give her what she wanted. Maybe he was right, she thought to herself, maybe there were just where they were supposed to be. Lost in thought she almost jumped when someone approached her.

"excuse me is this seat taken?" She looked around at the empty room, thinking why anyone would want to sit next to her when they had room to choose from.

"no it's not taken!" she smiled.

"you not fancy the breakfast networking then?" she shook her head, finally looking, surprised to see a handsome tall man in a very sharp suite, with a beaming smile.

"me either!" he sat down next to her, offering his hand. "I'm Brian!"

"Jackie" She shook his hand. She couldn't help the slight flutter she felt at the touch of his hand.

"nice to meet you! Where have you come from Jackie?"

"Strathclyde, yourself?"

"Lothian and borders!"

"oh wow, its practically an international event!" she chuckled and was relieved that laughed as well. They sat for a few moments, Jackie getting her book out, and her pen. Obviously, not really wanting to make small talk, even with an attractive man.

"if you don't mind me asking, you seem a little, pre-occupied?"

"i guess I am" she surprised herself with the honest answer.

"well nothing better than sharing with a stranger!" she scoffed.

"it's nothing" She picked up her pen opening her book. All too aware he had not stopped staring at her. "ok" she surrendered "it's was my birthday yesterday!"

"well happy birthday!, isn't that meant to be a happy occasion?"

"yes, well ..." she exhaled "my mother died this time of year and the two have become intrinsically linked!" she shrugged.

"i understand" he nodded sympathetically

"Sorry...that was bit heavy!" she laughed. "I won't be offended if you want to move seats, whilst there is no one else here!" she was kicking herself for being so open.

"are you kidding?" he leant in and whispered "i have the best seat in the house!" she laughed unable to hide the slight blush on her face.

"that was smooth!" She nodded

"might have been, but still true though!" She looked into his face, meeting his eyes, she smiled. His charm catching her of guard, exciting her. She immediately thought of Robbie's flirtations, but something told her, Brian had more follow through. They stared at each other, her smile widening.

"Ah DCS Holmes, there you are!" Jackie was surprised when he stood up, to meet the assistant Chief Constable who had just walked up to them.

"Sir, I was just getting settled in here!" Jackie didn't know where to look, had just been chatted up by a DCS.

"we need to have a meeting to discuss your secondment! I think it would be a good move for you Brian!"

"I'll give your PA a call and we can arrange something!" Brian responded, looking down to Jackie, the assistant chief constable nodding.

"DS Reid, right?" He smiled.

"yes sir!" Jackie stood up to shake his hand "Michael always finds a way out of these things; glad you are here to pick up the slack!" Jackie smiled. "right, I will leave you both to it, Brian make sure you call!"

"DCS is it?" she asked folding her arms as she sat down.

"don't let that put you off?" He sat back next to her.

"put me off what?" she arched her eyebrow.

"put you off…. going out for dinner with tonight!" He smiled.

"you are forward!" She laughed.

"call it a belated birthday celebration or a date, up to you?" She laughed.

"well since this is two-day course and I'm staying overnight here anyways, I guess… I might as well!"

Footnote

*Jackie wears a chain in later episodes like Best and Brightest and I like to think that Michael gave it to her. She only felt comfortable wearing it after a few years.