Kirei let out a breath as he left the lab for the day, nodding to his fellow researchers as he walked out. Weaving his way through the throng of people occasionally blocking his path, he made his way into the elevator for the Laboratory Floor. Securing himself within, he waited to see if anyone else would join him before reaching for the switch and selecting the Den.

For a moment he expected to hear a faint voice to ask him to wait, but the moment passed and the elevator began to descend.

Standing there, with his hands at his sides, he listened to the music playing in the elevator. He never bothered to learn the name of the song, but he understood why it played. It was supposed to inspire those working in Fenrir, supposed to fill them with resolve and determination. At least, that's what Kirei thought it was meant to do. He didn't feel anything when he heard it. It was just noise.

When the elevator stopped at the Den, he made his way outwards. The amount of people was much larger than in the little hallway Kirei came from, and the people within were much more varied. That likely had to do with the room acting as both a place to get assignments and an impromptu break room. He made his way to the left, avoiding all of the God Eaters and moving straight towards the exit to the Outer Ghetto. On the way, as he walked down the stairs, he saw the woman at the reception desk, Hibari if he remembered correctly, shoot him a polite smile before looking back to her current questioner.

It reminded him of another smile, gentle and soft, belying the love that she apparently held for him.

Stepping through the doorway, Kirei could feel the acute change in temperature. It had been getting especially cold recently, so cold in fact that some people theorized it might start snowing soon. Snow was a rarity around the Far East Branch, with the exception of the Tranquil Temple near the mountains, and some parents were quite excited to show their kids snow for the first time. With a breath, he began to walk through the town. The occasional shifting of rocks underfoot juxtaposed with the sound of his feet hitting the floor, and served to keep Kirei company during his walk.

But on his daily commute back to his home, he glanced to his side and saw a large building. It wasn't a skyscraper or anything of the like, but compared to the surrounding buildings, it was quite large. Of course, the reason is clear if one looked at the sign above the building's doorway: 'Far East Orphanage'. It was, as the name implies, an orphanage. In it, any orphans of families related to God Eaters and even orphans that showed positive on the God Eater Aptitude test were kept there. Living in the orphanage was one Rin Tohsaka, the daughter of his teacher.

Rin Tohsaka was a topic he wasn't sure how to feel about it. Or at least, wasn't sure how he's meant to feel about it. He knew that, as his teacher's student, it was his responsibility to look after Rin. Especially since there was no one else to do so. His teacher's wife had passed away a few years before he did, around the same time the only family friend did. Kirei's own father, who had been his teacher's teacher, had died when Kirei had become an adult.

And she had died a few years ago now, her words still fresh in his mind.

So it was only him that could care for her. It should have been him that cared for her. But he didn't. For some reason, he left her to the government's ministrations and, seeing that she was the last of her family, put her in the orphanage. Yet, Kirei couldn't bring himself to feel bad about it. He knew his inaction was a bad thing, but he didn't feel anything about it. If anything, there was a slight tingly feeling in his chest. But maybe it was just heartburn.

He knew it wasn't, but he didn't want to think about what it really was.

Eventually, he made his way to his home. It wasn't large and it wasn't nice, but Kirei hardly needed anything like that. As long as it was functional, he would be okay with it. Opening the door, he shrugged off his black overcoat and put it on the counter immediately to his right. Taking off his shoes, he walked further into his house, making his way to the kitchen. Luckily, he recently got ingredients for him to prepare his favourite meal. The only thing to touch his heart.

With what anyone that knew Kirei would call fervor, Kirei prepped his ingredients and began to cook. A few minutes later, he was sitting at the table with a bowl of steaming hot mapo tofu before him. With the barest hint of a smile, he clapped his hands and spoke a short prayer before getting to work.

The next day he arrived at work bright and early, the sun only just rising above the horizon. He walked into the Den and was surprised at the sight of someone he did not recognise speaking with Hibari. While he didn't know everyone that worked at the Far East Branch, he inadvertently knew everyone that bothered to come to work as early as he did. But this person was unfamiliar, clad almost exclusively in black. A black trench coat, with black boots and spiky black hair. The man (and he knew it was a man, judging by the sound of his voice) was oddly distinct in the way that he was totally non-distinct. But he must have heard Kirei entering because he turned to look at him.

The first thing that stood out to Kirei was the man's eyes. He could tell from this distance that they were black, but it was how... empty they were that drew him in. Kirei had seen his own reflection a fair number of times across his life, and he understood himself well enough to recognize the look in the man's eyes. The man seemed to recognize that as well, as there was a widening to his eyes before they narrowed, his entire expression becoming guarded.

The exchange must have only been for a second, yet to the duo it felt like a full conversation. With a blink, Kirei broke himself out of the mental match and spoke.

"My name is Kirei Kotomine. It is nice to meet you."

He slightly bowed, and thought that maybe he found his chance. His last chance to find a way to be beautiful, like his father wanted. Maybe this man, as empty as him, could show him how to be happy. Or at least, they could try and understand it together.

"Kiritsugu Emiya. Nice to meet you too."

This time his smile was more present, and instead of showing his joy, it showed his anticipation for the future.

Kirei's early memories of his father were full of smiles and praise. But his father held just as many frowns and clenched fists, but he hid them away. It clearly had to do with the duties he once had as a God Eater, and even struggling with his own faith in God. For, Kirei's father, Risei Kotomine, had been raised in a Christian household before the Aragami had arrived on Earth.

He had grown up praying to and believing in God, confessing his sins and letting the light of the Lord push him forward with hope. When he had a son, he believed the love of God would shine on him too. But when Risei was around fourty was when the Aragami came, and he had to abandon his path to priesthood to fight them. He was one of the first God Eaters in the Far East Branch as well, when the advancement of God Eaters came up. He fought and fought, then one day he could fight no more and he retired. In his son, he tried to inspire the same belief in God that he had held in his youth.

Kirei believes that his father had passed away believing that he had managed to make Kirei love God, and that Kirei would grow up to be as beautiful as his namesake. Kirei was sad to let him know that he had failed. Just another thing that Kirei couldn't find happiness in.

But sometimes, he found himself praying regardless. It wasn't that he didn't believe in God, although some would fight the belief by saying that no God would allow such suffering, it was just that Kirei knew God wouldn't answer the only thing he would pray for. Yet he still did it, whether out of desperation, habit, nostalgia, or some mix of the three.

Currently, Kirei was praying to God for the sight before him. Kiritsugu Emiya was standing by his lonesome, clearly on some sort of break if the lit cigarette in his mouth was anything to go by. The polite thing to do would be to not bother him, but Kirei was much more interested in the opportunity presented to him. It had been a week since he first met Kiritsugu, and the two hadn't actually spoken to each other since then. Kirei had never seen him in the Den that early again, but now he had his shot. So with quick steps and some nervous anticipation he stepped up to Kiritsugu.

Kiritsugu looked up at the sound of steps and, upon seeing Kirei, brought up an eyebrow. He paused in his actions, bringing the lit cigarette away from his mouth and causing it to waft into Kirei's lungs. Ignoring the terrible smell and the distinct desire to start coughing, Kirei spoke.

"Have you ever wanted to achieve something, but slowly began to realize that what you wanted was impossible, no matter what you tried?"

Kiritsugu just stared at him in shock, his mouth going slack and his grip loosening enough for his cigarette to fall to the floor. A silence purveyed before Kiritsugu's jaw snapped shut and his eyes narrowed. With suspicion, he growled.

"What do you know about me?"

"Nothing, but your eyes told me a lot."

Once more a silence purveyed, before Kiritsugu grunted and walked away, his cigarette still burning on the floor. Watching Kiritsugu walk away, Kirei wondered if he had said something that bothered him. Maybe Kiritsugu was more sensitive about the topic than he was. With his regular blank look, Kirei walked away, continuing to his regular location. Luckily, he recently got fresh ingredients for him to make more mapo tofu.

Alongside faith in God, his father had also taught Kirei Bajiquan. While the thought of a Japanese man practicing Christian faith and being fluent in a Chinese martial art was an... amusing thought, Risei had taught his son Bajiquan as a meditation technique. Something to harmonize himself. It also served as a form of self defence, but the only thing Kirei really had to worry about was the Aragami, which he reasonably couldn't do anything about as a regular person.

But to digress, Kirei found himself following the motions, letting his body flow, and with it his mind. It was an exercise he found himself doing whenever he had finished a particularly spicy bowl of mapo tofu. Lets the heat flow out. But as he was doing it, he was reminded of a specific memory he had.

It was the first time he had ever cooked for her. He knew, from his father's reaction, that not everyone could handle his mapo tofu. But a part of him, an admittedly large part of him, wanted to make it for her anyways. Regardless of her preferences, regardless of her health, a part of him wanted to punish her for caring for something like him. And, with some reluctance, Kirei followed that part of his soul.

When he plated the meal, he watched in anticipation for her reaction. He waited for her to dislike the meal, to stop eating and complain, for anything. But instead, she took a mouthful of the tofu and complemented it before eating more. Even when it was obviously discomforting. Even when she clearly didn't like it. Even when she ran out of water and was red in the face. She kept eating it. And in that moment, Kirei felt a spike of envy in his heart. He envied this woman, and the love that allowed her to do stupid things that she shouldn't do. But he also felt regret. Regret that he could never love this woman like he should.

Shaking his head, Kirei ended his exercise and moved to wash up his dishes. He actually had a bit to look forward to tomorrow. Apparently his cell of scientists alongside a few others would begin work on a new project. Included in those cells of researchers is Kiritsugu Emiya.

Two God Eaters were introduced to the researchers for the Spenta Project as the subjects to control the Spenta. Kirei's initial impression wasn't anything much. They seemed polite and determined, and Kirei thought he saw a connection between the two, but aside from that they were average God Eaters. A woman with vibrant red hair and a man whose only unique feature were his bright golden eyes, both with colorful clothing and Armlets.

With the two was the project leader and the Acting Director of the Far East Branch, Paylor Sakaki. He was introducing the team to the duo, and trying to facilitate future connections for their later experiments. And as the introductions wrapped up, Sakaki sent everyone off, telling them to take a break for the day. Some of the researchers cheered, and others grunted, but slowly everyone dribbled out of the room until only Kirei, Kiritsugu, Sakaki, and the two God Eaters remained. Sakaki talked with the two God Eaters before bidding them farewell, and then there were three.

Kirei noticed that Kiritsugu seemed intent on talking to Sakaki, but just as intent on avoiding Kirei. He seemed to struggle with the choice, before making his decision and taking a step forward. Unfortunately, that seemed to catch Sakaki's attention as he immediately looked to the duo and smiled.

"Ah! Kiritsugu, I see you stayed behind to talk! And you are..." He took a glance at Kirei and seemed to start thinking if his tightened brow meant anything, before he snapped his fingers. "You're Kirei Kotomine, aren't you? It's nice to meet you. I've heard that you are quite adept at research involving the integral structure of Aragami and Oracle. You have actually made some contributions to the enhancement of the God Arc, you know?"

Kirei blinked. He hadn't expected the Director to be such a... bubbly person. Not bubbly in a happy sense, just bubbly in that he kept talking. And Kirei wasn't really equipped to deal with bubbly people.

She wasn't very bubbly, she was instead much quieter, but in a way, her actions betrayed a bubbly heart.

Kiritsugu was also confused. He had done some research on Kirei after their little meeting almost a month ago and he knew the guy had good credentials, but there was nothing on his research affecting the God Arcs. Maybe he would have to reevaluate him...

Regardless of their surprise, Sakaki kept talking.

"Have the two of you met? I believe that the two of you would make quite good friends."

The statement caused a shift in the two. Kirei was feeling a tad more eager in terms of the direction this conversation was heading, while Kiritsugu became more wary. Ignorant of the shift, he continued.

"In fact, I believe the two of you should work on a joint project. I know it's a lot to ask, seeing as you're already a part if the Spenta Project, Kirei, but..." then he leaned in and whispered conspiratorally, "Kiritsugu doesn't have many friends. I think you might be able to get him to open up. Besides, you would get more pay for taking on more projects."

Kiritsugu groaned beside them at the obvious attempt at bribery, but Kirei didn't pay it any mind. Instead, he felt his lips pull up in an almost smile and answered.

"Of course, Professor."

Sakaki blinked, or he would have if his eyes weren't already closed, before leaning back and smiling, pushing up his glasses.

"Excellent! If that's the case then you two should follow me, and we'll..."

It had been a year since Kiritsugu had arrived at the Far East Branch, and some people, namely Sakaki, wanted to celebrate the fact with a gift or two. As Kiritsugu's 'partner', it was given as Kirei's responsibility to also give him a gift. In most cases, Kirei wouldn't think twice about it, and would just grab the first thing he saw that made him think of them.

It was different with her. He wanted to get her a good gift, to see if it could give him any sort of content.

It didn't.

But in Kiritsugu's case, Kirei wasn't sure if he wanted to bother. In the year they knew each other, and in the few months the duo worked on the side project together, Kirei had gotten little relevant information out of him. The best he got was names and who they belonged to, and a few bits and pieces of what he had been up to over the years as a God Eater. The issue with that is that it isn't relevant to what Kirei needed to know. It didn't get him answers on how to find happiness through good and wholesome means, and it didn't tell him if Kiritsugu knew what happiness was. And whenever he brought it up, Kiritsugu brushed him off.

But Kirei didn't like the thought of quitting just because he wasn't getting what he wanted, so he put on his coat, and made his way into the Outer Ghetto, heading deeper and deeper until he reached a shop that he was oddly fond of. 'Old Man of the Mountain' was full of odds and ends, a strange place that he discovered in his youth when wandering around looking for a gift for his father. He was struck by how odd the shop owner and the subsequent employees were.

Sliding open the door, Kirei stepped into the familiar setting, rows upon rows of useless bizarre items lining the walls. Behind the counter was his second favourite employee, still looking as she did the first time he laid eyes on her. She looked up, purple ponytail swaying a bit, before standing straight and putting a hand on her hip.

"Hey, Kotomine. Looks like you're finally back, huh? It's been a while."

"Hmm. Yes, yes, it's good to see you too Hyaku. As you guessed, I'm here to get a gift for someone. I'll be here for a little bit looking for something."

"If you say so."

And look he did. He went through each shelf, every row, even dug through the shelves that were piled. Until eventually he found a single, well-kept revolver round. It, in every way, made Kirei think of Kiritsugu. With confidence, he walked to Hyaku, who had been watching him the entire time. Straightening up, she gestured for the bullet, which Kirei gave, before ringing up the number. At the sight of the surprisingly costly price, Kirei did not balk, he merely blinked, before paying it whole. Hyaku looked on with surprise.

"Huh. This person must mean something to you. You were way more meticulous in finding a gift than you normally are. Whoever this is must be someone special. Is it your girlfriend? What was her name? Clau... Claudia! That's it."

"She's dead."

Silence greeted the response. And that was the truth. With swift movements, Kirei grabbed the bullet still in Hyaku's palm before walking away. As he left, he called out,

"Give my regards to the King."

As Kiritsugu was given some books by Sakaki, with Sakaki saying it was 'because you like heroes so much', Kirei stood in the back, thinking about the past. About her. It would have been over a year, maybe a year and a few months ago, when she passed away. She had been bed-ridden back then, and she never asked to go to the hospital. Kirei never bothered to ask for a room anyways.

How long had the two been like that? Her, lying in a bed and smiling weakly, and him, watching her with a blank expression. Occasionally, the two would make conversation. Quite often, Kirei would make and feed her food. Unlike the first time he made her food, he didn't want to make her suffer from his mapo tofu. It wasn't out of any desire for her not to suffer, it was just because Kirei didn't want to feel that envy again. He comforted himself with the fact that she was probably in discomfort anyways.

And then, one day...

"Ah, Kirei!"

Sakaki called for him and Kirei looked up, seeing Sakaki look at him expectantly and Kiritsugu looking done with his day, a few books stacked in his arms. With a nod, Kirei stepped forward and dipped his hand into his pocket, bringing forth the bullet and holding it out. Kiritsugu adjusted his hold on the books before grabbing the bullet and giving it an appraising look. With a slight quirk of his lip, he nodded to Kirei.

Then Sakaki brought the cake made of artificial ingredients in.

Today, proper experiments on the God Eaters had begun. First, the two were instructed to Resonate, as they had been perfecting over the last few months. When the duo's vitals were in sync, the actual experiment begun. In the first few months of the project, the researchers were experimenting with ways to manipulate Oracle through Resonance, calculations upon calculations going into it until a flawed but possible equation emerged.

Around the two God Eaters appeared motes of light, amber like regular Oracle. More and more motes appeared, and then slowly the motes began to rise and come together in a more corporeal form. But before anything solid could form, the motes were disrupted, and the duo's vitals began to descend. The plug was quickly pulled on the Oracle and the motes began to disappear. Some on-site medics came in to make sure they were okay, while the researchers reviewed the data they received.

Eventually, the God Eaters were confirmed to be fine and were sent out of the experiment chamber with good wishes and farewells. From there, the reviewing of the data continued long enough for theories to be exchanged on future equations and adjustments. All the while, Kirei sat at his desk, never commenting on any of the discussions but noting down his findings and everyone's theories before debunking the theories or corroborating on the ones he believed held merit.

Kirei didn't always take the notes of others and try and confirm them, nor did he ever really work on big projects. Originally, when he did research that could benefit other departments such as God Arc Development, he never gave his research over to the relevant department, he would always just stack it up and send it in to the higher ups, expecting it to get lost in the sea of paperwork. But clearly it didn't, if it reached the God Arc Development team and if Sakaki knew enough about it to trace it to him. But he changed because of her.

It was because of her. She had told him that he should try working on big projects with others, that maybe he could make friends or help people with his work, and that they could help him be happy.

Kirei still kept to that belief, as a small, desperate part of him wanted to find happiness in completing the project in case he couldn't find what he was looking for in Kiritsugu.

But a part of him that he wouldn't acknowledge whispered into his mind, that if Kiritsugu couldn't help him then nothing could.

It was sometime after retesting of the Oracle Construct experiment took place, within Kiritsugu's 2nd year of being at the Far East Branch, that Kirei found himself in Sakaki's 'Office'. Just at some point, on a random day when doing calculations for the 3rd retesting, Kirei had been told to meet up with Sakaki at his lab the next day.

And there he was, sitting in a chair in front of Sakaki's desk, while Sakaki was sitting behind it. The two were looking at each other in silence for almost a minute before Sakaki decided to speak.

"Kirei... It has come to my attention that you were of great help in stabilizing the experiment when the Oracle Construct began to destabilize, and actually caught the skip in their vitals before anyone else did and notified the medics to keep an eye out."

At the accusations Kirei nodded, not entirely sure of where the conversation was heading. Sakaki continued.

"But... I have also been made aware of a crucial detail. One that you haven't told anyone." He leaned in, elbows on the table and hands clasped together, hiding his nose. "You haven't told anyone that today is..." Then he leaned back and threw his hands out wide, a smile on his face. "Your birthday!"

Kirei blinked. Looking for something to show him the date, he saw his confirmation on Sakaki's screen. The date was the 28th of November, the same day that Kirei was born twenty-something years ago. It wasn't exactly something Kirei remembered, seeing as gifts didn't give him any sort of happiness.

"So it is, Professor Sakaki. What of it?"

"Why, it's your birthday! That means it needs to be celebrated, doesn't it?"

At an unknown signal, Kiritsugu entered into the room, a steaming bowl in one hand and a book in the other. With quick movements, he placed the bowl down in front of Kirei, allowing him to see the contents of mapo tofu, and handed the book to Sakaki, while taking something off of the book and holding it. Looking at the bowl of mapo tofu, Kirei felt surprised. And then Sakaki began to sing.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

It was a tune that Kirei recognised. He had heard it when his father was alive. In his earlier days, he remembered there being multiple voices, but later it was just his father. Then there were none.

For a short time, there had been a voice, soft and loving, that sung to him. He never sung back.

As Sakaki continued, he belatedly realized that Kiritsugu was humming along. Looking at him, Kiritsugu just shrugged and looked away. Eventually, Sakaki finished with a 'Hip, Hip, Hooray!' before looking at Kirei expectantly. It took Kirei a moment before he remembered that there was normally a candle to blow out. Does that mean...

Taking a breath, Kirei blew on his bowl of mapo tofu, much to Sakaki's excitement. From there, Sakaki handed over the book to Kirei saying that it was a Bible that he had from before the Collapse. He said that he did some research and knew that Kirei was Christian, which he described as an odd choice but a fair one, and that he liked mapo tofu. Kirei chose not to question where he got his accurate information from, and instead turned to Kiritsugu, slightly expectant.

Kiritsugu raised an eyebrow before sighing and bringing his hand towards Kirei. In his hand was a small golden cross, adorned on a chain. It was actually quite nice looking. Before Kirei could take it, Kiritsugu mumbled out an excuse.

"This is just repaying your gift from earlier..."

Blinking, Kirei picked up the cross and chain, before putting it on. It dangled gently against his chest, and begged to be held in prayer. Looking up to see Kiritsugu and Sakaki looking at them, Sakaki smiling and Kiritsugu with a slight smile, Kirei realized that what he was looking at was objectively beautiful beyond compare. Almost as objectively beautiful as her smile. In fact, all three of them together would be the most objectively beautiful thing. With a hurried thanks, Kirei took a spoonful of the mapo tofu, and when the food hit his tongue he felt something warm slide down his face.

Sakaki and Kiritsugu panicked slightly (or Sakaki did, Kiritsugu worried a little), wondering if something was wrong with the food, until Kirei reassured them that the food was fine.

"I'm just... overwhelmed, that's all."

When he tasted the meal, he was overwhelmed with regret that he could not love these two as friends, and that he could not love their gifts.

It was on New Years Day that Kirei met another unique transferee. He had finished rereading the Bible that he was given by Sakaki when he decided to head for work. Today was his day off, but he had already done what he wanted to. He had read his Bible multiple times, had gone through his Bajiquan motions, and had even gone through a few of the old prayers that his father had taught him. Despite already having a Bible and a cross from his father's priest days, he didn't want to tell Sakaki and Kiritsugu that, and instead just chose to use them.

So, almost bored out of his mind, Kirei headed towards the Den to see if he could pick up some work or even just listen to other people talking. Maybe he could talk to Kiritsugu. In the almost three years they've known each other, they never got a proper continuation on Kirei's question. At some point, Kirei just stopped bothering trying to ask and found himself feeling... content? Content, then, with the status quo. Of course, Kirei still wanted to know, but he figured he would have a better chance of Kiritsugu coming to him about it rather than the other way around.

Eventually, Kirei made his way to the Den and walked through the doorway. As opposed to his usual arrival time of the break of dawn, Kirei arrived at around midday, and as was usual, or at least it might have been usual since Kirei was rarely in the Den at this time, the place was moderately full. There were some God Eaters in, having a break, and there were some civilians sitting around the reception desk, mostly worried parents or family.

But what stood out was the person speaking to Hibari. She was short, with blonde hair done up in a bun and adorned in a blue combat dress. While her appearance wasn't what was necessarily eye catching, it was what was on her wrist that was. Instead of the standard red and black Armlet most God Eaters had, or even the black and red ones that he heard the Blood Unit had, she had an Armlet that was iron grey. In fact, it looked like an extremely thick shackle. While Kirei was busy looking at her Armlet, he didn't notice Hibari look at him before smiling as she got an idea.

"Excuse me, Mr. Kotomine! Would you mind helping our newest transfer out?"

Kirei looked to Hibari with confusion, before looking back to the God Eater and seeing her face. The first thought he had was that she was a foreigner. That should have been obvious from behind but it really wasn't with all of these vibrant haired God Eaters. The second thought was if God Eaters from wherever she was from were issued different Armlets. Ignoring his thought, he stepped forward.

"What seems to be the problem, Miss Hibari?"

"Just Hibari is fine. But, Saber here has been assigned to see Director Sakaki and then Mr. Emiya. And since you're close to Mr. Emiya, I thought you might be able to take her to him."

She ended the request off with a smile, no doubt meant to ensure that Kirei would accept. He sighed, lamenting that he wasn't close enough to Kiritsugu that he would actually know where he would be at this time. Although, if he does this, he might be able to find out. He quickly accepted.

"Of course. Well then, shall we?"

He nodded to the so called 'Saber', who nodded back, before making his way to an elevator. He chose the Laboratory floor, and when they were both inside they went up. The ride went by in silence, neither really seeming like they want to speak. When the elevator arrived, Kirei led the way, weaving around the researchers in the halls on break before reaching Sakaki's Lab. With a brief knock, he opened the door.

Like usual, Sakaki was sitting in his chair, looking over some research or another on his screen. At the sound of his door opening, he looked up and smiled at the sight of Kirei and the woman.

"Ah. It seems I've lost track of time. Apologies for that. You're our new transfer from the England Branch, Saber, correct?" At her nod, he continued. "It's good to meet you, then. If you didn't know, the person that guided you was Kirei Kotomine, a researcher here. Now if I'm not mistaken, you're meant to meet Kiritsugu soon, right? Would you have any ideas where he is, Kirei?"

"I had come here hoping you would."

"Hm. Well that's inconvenient. Where would he be? Oh, how about-"

Before he could finish his thought, the door opened again, this time with Kiritsugu in the entrance scratching the back of his head. He walked in, not looking towards Sakaki.

"Hey, Sakaki. Do you have any idea where I can find the transfer? Hibari said she was heading to yo- Oh."

He stopped when he saw the three at Sakaki's desk. With a slightly awkward cough into his hand, he looked to Saber and introduced himself.

"My name is Kiritsugu Emiya. It looks like I'll be your chauffeur while you're here. Pleasure working with you."

"Likewise. Please, call me Saber. I will be depending on your support."

Saber walked towards him and stuck out her hand. Kiritsugu looked at it with a raised eyebrow before bringing his hand to shake hers. From there, the two left the lab and began the tour, leaving Kirei behind with Sakaki. He just looked blankly at the empty doorway, before Sakaki gently pat his back.

"Don't worry. He hasn't left you for someone else."

Kirei continued to look blankly forward.

They had finally reached the final phases of testing. Soon, a complete Oracle Construct should be made. With that complete, the next step would be to get more God Eaters to Resonate with the original two, allowing them to know hot form their own Oracle Constructs.

With a breath, Kirei cleaned up for the day, turning off his computer and stacking his paper. Leaving his papers on his desk, he walked out of the lab, turning off the lights as he did. He walked down the long hallway towards the elevator, before feeling a slight thirst and turning to the vending machine. He sidled up to it and perused the drinks available, before selecting the one that sounded particularly spicy. As he went to pay for it, he heard a voice from behind.

"I wouldn't recommend that. It doesn't taste too nice, and it's too spicy to be useful. But, food's food I guess."

Turning his head, Kirei saw Kiritsugu leaning against the wall, a lit cigarette in his mouth. With a shrug, he selected the drink anyways and picked it up from the machine. Opening the can, he took a sip and couldn't hide his grimace. It tasted terrible, for lack of a better word. Not even the spiciness he could vaguely feel could help how bad it was. He heard a dry chuckle from Kiritsugu, but ignored it in favor of finishing the drink as quickly as he could. When the can was empty, Kirei threw it into the trash and repressed a shudder.

He felt something tap his shoulder, and when he looked over he saw Kiritsugu holding out a bottle with a clear liquid. Kiritsugu shook it lightly and told him it was water. With a nod, Kirei took the water and cleansed himself of the vile taste. Truly, that drink was the epitome of suffering. With a muttered thanks, Kirei looked to Kiritsugu, who was sitting down on the bench next to the machine. He was looking at Kirei, and Kirei took the hint to sit next to him.

Silence reigned between the two plain looking men in black, sitting on a bench. It extended and Kirei just idly sipped at his water, wondering if Kiritsugu was going to say something. When Kiritsugu finished his cigarette and flicked it into the trash, he looked straight ahead. The silence continued until he spoke.

"You asked me a few years ago if there was something I wanted to do. Something that I wanted to achieve, despite it being impossible. There was."

Kirei felt his anticipation mounting. This was it! What he had been waiting for! But then why... why did he feel dread?

"When I was young, I had a dream. But as I got older, I realized that dream wasn't feasible, and trying to live by it would just hurt people. But I still tried, because I didn't want to abandon it."

A sinking feeling in his gut...

"Did I ever tell you that I had a wife? Her name was Irisviel. Together, we had a daughter named Illyasviel. I... I loved her, you know? With her, I thought that maybe I didn't have to live for my dream. But then she passed away. My daughter... she's being kept from me. I'm allowed to visit, but I can't take her without major consequences."

...digging up into his heart.

"And what was your dream?"

Kirei asked, the question feeling fuzzy as it came out of him. He just did it, but he couldn't remember moving his lips to ask the question, and yet he needed to know.

"My dream? It was to be a Hero of Justice. To save everyone. Dumb, huh? But it's beautiful."

At the answer, Kirei felt everything stop, before suddenly coming into startling clarity. At once he could identify everything within his sight and feel every movement if his body. The sight before him wasn't beautiful, but it was something he wouldn't forget. Standing, Kirei dusted off his jacket and tugged on his cross.

"Thank you for telling me, Kiritsugu Emiya. But it seems I have something to do, so I'll be off."

He walked away, feeling his lips tug upwards into a smile as his eyes stung.

It was an average day for the duo. Wasn't too hot, wasn't too cold. Just right for her. Kirei remembered that she had been especially quiet that day. Not much movement, nothing much said, although that wasn't unusual, and it was odd. That day, Kirei decided to keep a close eye on her, out of worry for her health. He sat by her side for almost the whole day, only leaving to make food.

All she did was look at him and smile. Her short white hair lying against the bed and her forehead, oily from improper maintenance. Her left golden eye stared at him with love, and he was certain that if the right weren't covered with an eye patch it would be doing the same.

At some point, she brought up her left hand, looking unhealthily pale, and quietly asked for Kirei. With a nod, he complied and took her hand in his own. It was cold, and he could barely feel the life within. Her hand was weakly clutching at his own, and Kirei decided to return the gesture. She seemed to let out a happy sigh, before showing him the brightest smile he had ever seen. It was weak, but it showed all her teeth and the depths of her heart. There was a clenching in his heart, but he ignored it.

"Kirei..."

She spoke to him, and her voice was quiet. It sounded dry, and her breath was wheezy.

"You know... I'm about out of time."

Her weak grip tightened, just a bit, before loosening again. Kirei nodded at the statement. He figured as much.

"So, I just wanted... to say..."

She took away her toothy smile, just trying to convey the weight of her feelings with her eye, even as it filled with tears.

"I love you, Kirei."

The tears dripped down her face, but she did not sob. In many ways this woman was much stronger than Kirei ever could be.

"I am sorry that I could never love you, Claudia."

Instead of showing sorrow, she just let out a pitiful laugh. As her eye closed, she pointed her finger in Kirei's hand towards him.

"Of course you do... Why else... are you... cry... ing?"

Then she let out a breath, her eyes closing for the last time. Claudia Hortensia was dead. But Kirei did not cry. His face was dry, as were his eyes. But he felt sadness. He was sad.

Sad that it wasn't him that killed her.

He met the day with a feeling of clarity. Instead of waiting for dinner, he made himself mapo tofu for breakfast. It made him later than he normally was to work, but not later than was strictly allowed. He walked to work with a smile on his face, one that people would call disturbing or even sinister.

He wore it into work, ignoring people's questions as to why he was later than usual and what he was smiling about. He wore it until the God Eaters came into work for another test, and he wore it all the way through the experiment. When the experiment was done, he finished his work quickly, saying he had something to do. He shrugged off Sakaki with his smile, then followed after the two God Eaters.

From there, he saw that the two actually lived in the same house, and even had a young child with red hair and golden eyes living with them. Maybe they were a couple and the boy was their son? They looked old enough, Kirei supposed. But that wasn't what he was looking for. He wanted to find issues and problems, to air them out and break them down. And he was determined to succeed.

Someone like him couldn't be saved, after all.

It was near the end of testing. Unless something terrible happened that completely broke their equations, the Spenta Project should be coming to a close soon. Or at least, the first phase would. But Kirei saw this day as a beginning. He had been working hard for the past few weeks, and now it was midway through February. Soon all his hard work would pay off.

The experiment began like normal, with the two God Eaters entering Resonance. To anyone paying attention, their vitals took a bit longer than usual to sync up, but most were too distracted by the excitement of almost finishing the project. When the two did finally Resonate, motes of Oracle appeared. Amber and twisting, they formed together, creating an almost humanoid giant. But very quickly, their vitals began to lose sync, but Kirei disguised that by adjusting the parameters of what was acceptable. It wouldn't hide the actual vitals, but it would stop the alarm.

It was a few seconds later that something started happening. The God Eaters started twitching, throwing their arms up and starting to scream. The motes of Oracle began to change colour, going from amber to vermillion, and something began to come from them. Before anyone could try and enter the room, Kirei moved over to the door switch and set it to lockdown mode. The entrance ways to the room were sealed, and very quickly things went to hell.

In the lab with Kirei, the researchers just began to realize something horrible was happening and that Kirei was doing something to perpetrate it. As they began to work into a frenzy, Sakaki was the most vocal of them all. He had noticed that the vitals were losing sync and was confused when the alarms didn't go off, but now he knows Kirei is doing something.

"What are you doing, Kirei!?"

His question made it over the crowd of people, and was answered by a manic laugh.

"Hahahahahahahaha! Why, I am just doing what befits a monster like me. Isn't it logical to do what makes you happy, Professor?"

As he looked at Kirei with dawning horror, he noticed that inside the experiment room it was even worse. The humanoid Oracle Construct had taken a more beastly appearance, with claws and a wolf-like head. Instead of amber, or even vermillion, it had turned black, with the only colour being its red eyes. Surrounding it was a black, almost brown, liquid on the floor. It brought its claws up and let out a roar, shattering the glass window and setting the liquid around it on fire.

When the window broke, the researchers finally began to run away in a panic. As they did, Kirei laughed once more. Gesturing with his arms held out, he spoke.

"Now this, is my true passion! To see suffering, that is the only thing that I can enjoy!"

He smiled at Sakaki... Before coughing out a lung's worth of blood. Reaching his hand to his chest, he saw that there was something currently piercing through his heart. Turning his head, he saw the Corrupted Oracle Construct, its left arm stretched towards him. With a flick of its wrist, it threw Kirei away, towards some of the liquid, before breaking down the wall behind it with its right arm, letting it reach the Outer Ghetto below.

Then, the world went up in flames.

All Kirei knew, for a while, was burning pain and negative feelings. There was sadness, betrayal, and anger, but then there were more. There was fear in large amounts, and occasionally there was sadness. There was also quite a lot of regret. There was even a dark sense of curiousity, once. Then the darkness receded, and Kirei felt wind brushing his face. With a groan, he pushed himself up from the floor.

With groggy eyes, he found himself somewhere black and orange. Stumbling forward, he tried to gather his bearings but instead bumped into and then fell over something. Then he found himself in freefall, an ocean of black and orange suddenly coming into clarity as rubble and flames. With a twist faster than Kirei thought he was capable of, he positioned his body to take the landing on his feet and prepared to roll, even though he knew there was no realistic way he would survive the fall in a good enough condition. He struck the ground and, instead of the immense pain he had been expecting, he withstood the pressure and rolled to the side, before landing back on his feet.

Brushing off his coat, he looked down at himself in surprise. In his chest region, there was a huge hole in his clothes. He remembered being stabbed then thrown away, then all there was was darkness. But more importantly...

Looking around, he saw that the rubble was actually remnants of the Outer Ghetto, and that the flames were flowing along the black liquid, or rather, mud that was everywhere. Actually, now that he listened...

Screams. He heard screams resounding throughout the flames. Screams of fear, of anger, of desperation. It all formed a cacophony, and Kirei loved. Every. Single. Scream. It filled him with genuine joy to hear it. So to get more joy, he walked through the flames and rubble, and listened to more screams. Unfortunately, it seemed that the fire had already been raging for a while, so there weren't that many alive. But those alive, he made sure to savor their suffering when he refused to save them. But then eventually, the flames dissipated, and with it the screams.

Seeing that there was no more suffering to enjoy, and that he would likely be branded as a rogue if he returned, Kirei decided it would be best to leave and find somewhere else to go. Preferably, somewhere with people...

Before he began to leave, he noticed someone standing in the distance. They looked forlorn and scared, but also empty. They were leaning against a wall, their golden hair standing out in the dim light. Walking to them, Kirei noticed that it was a boy in his teenage years wearing a white t-shirt and long camo pants, both stained black by the mud. At the sound of Kirei's steps, the boy looked up to him, giving Kirei a good look at his crimson red eyes. Seeing the cylinder shaped God Arc held loosely in his right hand, and the red Armlet adorning the same wrist, Kirei made the simple assumption that the boy was a God Eater.

When he saw the boy's empty gaze, and how the mud seemed to cling to his skin, Kirei realized that maybe his fun didn't have to end just yet. Taking another look at the boy, he felt another smile pull at his lips, before he reached out a hand.

"Would you like to become powerful?"

The boy looked at him, blood staining his shoes, and nodded.

It was convenient that the God Arc lab near the epicenter of the fire was unlocked and left unattended, otherwise Kirei wouldn't have been able to take the side project that he and Kiritsugu had worked on years ago. It was an advancement for something called Prototype God Eaters, specifically for the 'Archer' class. Kirei didn't have enough dependence on his luck to try and work on the boy's God Arc now, but he would once he believed the two were far enough away.

Feeling the sand underfoot, Kirei realized that this would be the first time since joining Fenrir that he was outside of the Far East Branch. It wasn't particularly exciting, but that didn't matter. He looked over his shoulder to see the boy that he grabbed, looking emotionless for the most part but Kirei could see he seemed slightly annoyed. With a shrug, Kirei continued walking. The boy would just have to wait.

And he would too. But hopefully not for long.

Twelve years later, and his plans had finally come to fruition. As he saw Gilgamesh, his ward and pawn, screaming in pain and fear, he felt a smile light up his face. So that's what he sounded like.

Looking to his right, he saw the child of Kiritsugu Emiya. He had white, spiky hair and tan skin, with heterochromia. His right golden eye and his little tuft of red hair reminded him of someone, but he couldn't place it. The son of Kiritsugu Emiya (and for some reason that didn't sound right) didn't seem to share his father's childish dream, at least not in its entirety, but held an emptiness that Kirei thought was familiar. It was different to Kiritsugu's in that it was an emptiness in his heart, one he tried to fill but couldn't. Like Kirei's own emptiness.

His confusion was evident, so Kirei deigned to share what was happening, and delighted in the boy's expressions. When Gilgamesh started to absorb the various mud-stained segments and became black like the Angra Idol, he knew that his plan had finally reached fruition.

With a laugh, he saw the idol burst into mud, and saw the mud be set aflame. As the beast he remembered, with clawed digits and the head of a wolf, once more appeared, he felt his heart soar in joy at the thought of the suffering he saw repeating.

And then his heart burst into flames.

Thank you for reading. This is Cee and, big chapter. Biggest chapter really. Didn't know I didn't know much about Kirei. Probably disappointed a lot of people. Probably disappointed myself too. But I'll deal with the sadness when this is all done. Should just be the next chapter, then an epilogue. Maybe even an omake after it.

Yeah, I brought back the shop. Don't worry, it probably won't come back again. Probably.

Also, disclaimer. I don't own the Happy Birthday song. Please don't fine me Disney.

Thank you to Gabrielvg and GonzalotheChaldean for following or favouriting, and thank you to ptl for reviewing once more.

Goodbye.

Word count: 8675