R&R
A drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven
Ruby wasn't sure what it was about the ocean that made her feel so serene. As she watched the waves lap over each other in a rush to reach the sand, Ruby knew she'd never felt calmer. She wriggled her toes in the sand and gave a hum of contentment – this was peace. The smell of sea salt reached her nose and Ruby revelled in its ruthless scent. She wasn't sure she liked it at first but it grew on her, like a small obstacle in an everyday routine. Ruby watched in awe as the colours mixed and blended together and for the first time she truly understood the fascination people had with the boundless sea.
She wrapped her red shawl closer around her, although she was certain she didn't own one, to protect her from the chilly wind. As though sensing her cold, a pair of arms wrapped around her, their warmth shielding her exposed flesh. She instinctively leaned back into his broad chest and released a breath of amity.
"Where'd you disappear to?" she asked.
She felt him shrug nonchalant. "Doesn't matter, I'm here now."
Ruby agreed, she spun around and burrowed herself deep into his chest, his arms falling to her waist. Their breathing was in sync and they both smiled widely. His right hand caressed the bare skin of her hip while his left simply sat on the small of her back, feeling like steel and cold as such.
What was on her back?
Ruby grabbed his left arm and pulled his hand towards her face to get a better look. It wasn't a hand. Before she could scream, the man with the hooked hand stabbed her side.
Ruby shot awake in wide eyed terror, her breathing harsh and her pulse erratic. She clutched her chest tightly, willing her heart to calm down while she took soothing breaths. When she had calmed down enough, Ruby fell backwards in her bed sighing heavily.
It was that dream again, that horrible dream that made no sense.
Ruby couldn't understand the symbolism of her dream; she'd even asked Archie what the inner subconscious could be trying to tell her. He came up with a multitude of theories, stress, anxiety or even paranoia but none had really suited her – Archie didn't seem to be convinced either.
Ruby could only assume it was symbolic for something but pieces of the puzzle never fit. She'd never been to the ocean, she'd never smelt sea salt so how could she find comfort in those things? The closest thing she'd ever seen to the sea was the lake that resided on the very brim of Storybrooke. Even that made no sense considering she had only been there a hand full of times and never found any sense of peace or belonging there. The hooked man made no sense either. She never saw his face but was always safe and serene in his arms - until she saw that hook and then he would always attack her like a trapped thief in the night.
Ruby spied the sunlight that was drifting through the window and she knew Granny would be up to rouse her soon for the day. Knowing she'd never fall back to sleep, Ruby rose and left for her bathroom early. Looking in the mirror, Ruby groaned at her appearance. She looked like she'd been dragged through the gutter and then just tossed mercilessly into a ravine. Ruby approached the mirror and lifted the bottom of her shirt an inch.
There, towards the left of her hip, lay a thick and deep scar.
Ruby had always seen it as ugly, one of the few defections on her body and she was always self-conscious showing it off. It was dark red, almost scaly to touch and was morbidly shaped, bumpy-like. Like something latched itself into her and then attempted to rip itself out.
Ruby cringed, remembering how the glass shard had pierced her body but spared the rest of her. All she had to do was close her eyes and she'd remember that car ride, the first she had since obtaining her licence, and smashing into a pole because she was too busy adjusting the music volume on her radio to pay attention to the road. She received many bumps, bruises and cuts as she was thrown around inside the car, only surviving due to her safety belt but that didn't stop the windshield from smashing.
Ruby sighed, lowered her top and stripped. She didn't need such depressing thoughts, especially before the day had even started. As she lathered her hair, Ruby couldn't tear her thoughts away from the hooked man. She wasn't sure how, but she knew he was built but not bulky, disciplined but dangerous, handsome but horrifying, charming but criminal.
He reminded her of Captain James Hook.
While all the other little girls liked Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty or Beauty and the Beast – Ruby herself had always liked the less popular ones such as Rumpelstiltskin, Little Red Riding Hood, Goldilocks, and The Three Little Pigs. However, Peter Pan had always held its place as her firm favourite.
She had read the whole book a total of maybe five times but the scenes with Hook she'd read ceaselessly and adoringly. Whenever she'd watch Peter Pan on TV, she was always annoyed by his appearance and more so at his portrayal, as though he should have looked frightfully different. On more than one occasion Ruby had tried to pin a name to a face or vice versa in an attempt to find who she thought looked best.
No one ever came close to her dark hair, Forget-Me-Not blue eyed pirate.
Ruby gave a girlish giggle, perhaps the man in her dreams was her Captain Hook. Dark, mysterious and dangerous but ever so charming and silver tongued. Too bad he always tried to kill her.
"Ruby! It's time to get up!" Granny knocked on the door, walking away immediately.
No one ever missed Granny's wake-up call, not without facing more dire consequences.
Luckily, Ruby was ready earlier than usual and hopped out quickly, preparing for what the day had to offer.
I don't wanna waste the weekend
If you don't love me pretend
A few more hours than its time to go
Lemurs. Why couldn't Ruby go out into the universe and explore the parts of the world with Lemurs in it? That writer could do it! Why couldn't she?!
She huffed angrily and threw her purse across her bedroom, revelling in its loud thump. Her satisfaction was quickly turned into an audible groan when the contents spilled all over the floor. As if the day could get any worse. She begrudgingly picked up her bags and dutifully returned them into their place in her purse. When she reached her last item, a tube of her favourite red lipstick, Ruby accidently knocked it underneath the bed. Grumbling in annoyance that nothing, no matter how simple or small, could go right for her, Ruby reached blindly under the bed. Her hand came across something larger and longer than she expected, but retrieved it anyway.
It was a long lost umbrella.
Are you okay? Shh, it's okay. It's okay; I'm not going to hurt you. See, I'm perfectly harmless.
Ruby blinked, surprised by the sudden memory. She sat down on the bed gingerly, holding the umbrella tenderly in her hands. She hadn't the slightest clue how it had ended up underneath her bed but the abruptness of its reappearance left her with a nostalgic feeling. It was late on a dark night on a particularly bad day, Ruby had been feeling slightly guilty and needed some way to repent, she'd found it in the most unexpected way. She remembered well the sailor who she had found on the side of the walkway and quite fondly too.
He had lost eyes, the bluest she'd ever seen with well-kept dark but obviously-slightly-deliberately messy hair. He was the sexiest thing she'd ever seen.
His stories were enduring and Ruby found she quite liked him, and wouldn't have minded fooling around with him whilst he was in town, but then Granny came down and the mood changed.
That kiss… That sweet intoxicatingly forbidden kiss… she hadn't the slightest clue why she felt so drawn to him but the moment their lips met she had felt a sense of peace like never before.
It was like she was home.
After that she had sought desperately for the feeling again, taking many men home, taking what she wanted from them before leaving them. To her disgrace, she'd even slept with her friends ex, a shame she didn't think she'd ever forget. But the feeling never returned. There was momentary satisfaction but never that feeling of home. She searched and searched but it was never found.
Ruby sighed harshly and tossed the umbrella back under the bed, unable to look at it. That man, that sailor, that Killian Jones had ruined her.
And it was all because of a stupid kiss that meant nothing. Obviously, Ruby and the dictionary had different definitions of the word nothing.
So, Ruby left the umbrella and all thoughts of the sailor she stubbornly refused to accept her longing for underneath her bed.
As my train rolls down the east coast I wonder how you keep warm
It's too late to cry
Too broken to move on
It had happened suddenly, during Ruby's everyday routine that she hadn't even noticed at first. She was walking to table six to give Leroy his drink and meal when a rush of memories hit her. It was like her eyes were suddenly open for the first time, as though she had been blind for years and could suddenly see!
She dropped her tray in shock, the porcelain shattering against the floor. She felt weak and faint and swayed on the spot, but a strong hand grasped her and steadied her.
"Are you okay, Red?" Leroy – No! Grumpy – asked.
She nodded slowly, unsure. "Yes, I'm okay."
He didn't look convinced but he released her anyway.
Outside, people were reuniting with loved ones, ones they hadn't seen in years and those they'd unknowingly spent every day with. There were hugs and tears and screams of joy or worry. Everyone ran around, looking for someone they knew and loved. Ruby smiled fondly at seeing Mary Margaret and David embrace happily, once again as husband and wife – the famous love story of Snow White and her Prince Charming. Then someone else came into view, an elderly woman who not even ten minutes ago stepped out of the diner to fetch more eggs…
"Granny!" Ruby called, running after her.
They embraced tightly, their bond even stronger than it ever was before. Tearful words were exchanged and they spoke quick words of regret before they were forced to turn to the more pressing matters.
Regina and the curse.
The rest was a semi blur for Ruby as she tried to help the royal family stop the mob from killing Regina and although she had half a mind to step back and let fate deal its hand, she couldn't stop herself from intervening. People were in a panic and Ruby was the first to volunteer aide and was actively helping. She passed out blankets, food, water, information and missing person's lists.
Every time another person added their name to the list Ruby felt her stomach drop more and more. He wasn't there.
She saw forgiveness over times passed thrown around like it was going out of style, she saw people clinging to each other as though they were about to vanish from in front of them, she saw people mourning for those they couldn't find and others who just had no clue as to what to do next.
When time passed with no end in sight the panic grew to near hysteria and when Mary Margaret and Emma disappeared into the vortex, all hell broke loose. People had plans to cross the border of Storybrooke, preparing to lose their real selves. They couldn't handle the onslaught of memories of a world that may or may not exist anymore, but they were unwilling to live the life they'd been living for decades already.
They were all selfish and it took great restraint on Ruby's part not to scream at them, telling them they had lost nothing compared to what she had. They wanted their homes back, fair enough; they all did but at least their loved ones were able to be found after time and effort.
Her most beloved one was who knows where.
It was decided that everything would go on as it always had, shops were reopened, children went to school, and adults went to work, paying with credit cards instead of gold… Life went back to the way it was, only with additional people with brand new links in our lives.
So, there Ruby was, polishing the silver and looking hopelessly out the window, praying he might just walk past.
"Red," Granny slowly came up behind her, the last guest must have left, "are you alright, dear?" Her Granny was surprisingly gentle as she rested her hand on Ruby's shoulder. "You've been polishing the same spoon for at least five minutes."
Looking down, Ruby was vaguely aware that the particular spoon in her hand was shinier than the rest.
"I'm fine Granny."
Granny remained sceptical. "Red, look at me," she did, "is this about that man you told me about?"
Ruby bowed her head away, turning back to the silverware and resumed polishing.
Ruby had forgotten that Granny had known about Killian. They'd only discussed him the one time and that was when Granny had forced Red to reveal everything about her wolfish nature and how they'd really met to him. They hadn't discussed him after that, there was always something else too persistent to ignore.
Granny sighed, "By your forlorn face I'm going to take it he took the news about you well?"
Ruby dropped the silverware back in its container and clenched the counter till her knuckles turned white, wanting nothing more than to avoid her Granny's interrogation. Her eyes squeezed shut and she begged herself not to open her eyes in fear that her bent up tears would escape into an inevitable waterfall. When Granny's placed a supporting arm around her, Ruby shrugged her off, wanting nothing more than to simply continue on with her new life, with as little reminder of the past as possible.
"Why aren't you looking for him?" Granny asked inquisitively.
Something inside Ruby snapped, and she had half a mind to believe it was Red.
"It's not any of your Goddamn business!"
"Language!" Granny bristled.
Ruby scoffed, "Oh please, that so called 'God' you believed up to a weak ago – doesn't exist in our world! I'll curse him all I want!"
Granny's temper rose.
"There is no need to take your frustrations out on everything else!"
Ruby's voice went threateningly low. "Whatever frustrations I have, have been kept quiet up until now. I have not snapped or yielded to my frustrations to anyone until you couldn't leave well enough alone! I am in pain, Granny – and I can assure you it is a lot different than mere frustration! I have looked at every face, every poster, looked in every house, every shop, hell even every ship looking for him and each time I was told that there was no one there of his name or description a part of me died until there was nothing left! I have plastered the smiles on my face; I have pretended that I am fine and that I haven't just lost the love of my life, the man I was going to spend my life with – the man I was spending my life with!" Ruby's tears broke free but she continued through the sobs. "I love him so much that it actually hurts to know that I may never see him again! It kills me with the knowledge that he had no idea where I was and that I simply vanished without a trace! It destroys every fibre of my being wondering what atrocities he may have committed in a quest to find me!"
She fell to her knees and wept openly, "But what kills the most is that no matter how hard he tries he'll never get here and that it's been twenty-eight years and that he may have moved on, may have taken a wife, had children and forgotten all about me!"
She was taken into her Granny's arms as she howled her wretched heart out. Ruby was sure she was a pitiful sight, a blubbering mess in her grandmother's arms, unable to pull herself together or even having the will to do so. She clutched onto her Granny, her last remaining tie to her life – maybe even sanity – desperately, hoping without hope that she wouldn't have her granny torn from her as well. Ruby would wager it was about an hour later when the waterworks came to a complete, hiccupping stop. Granny patted her back slightly, and spoke firmly but hesitantly.
"Perhaps it's for the best."
Ruby froze and looked at her in disbelief.
"What?"
Grabby nodded, taking the Egyptian cotton from Ruby's hands and turning to polish the silver. "He was a pirate."
Ruby gave a snort of disbelief. "Before I even met him!"
"That doesn't forgive his crimes."
Ruby could swear she saw red.
"And what would you know of his crimes?"
Granny looked at Ruby with something akin to incredulity. "I wasn't letting my granddaughter live with a man I knew nothing about – I was getting ready to retrieve you when you came along with Doc and Sneezy – it saved me the trip. The things those dastardly pirates did!" Granny spat on the floor, "unforgivable."
"That was before he met me!" Ruby bellowed.
"No one changes simply because they've met someone!"
Ruby stared at Granny as though she'd never seen her before, "Are you kidding me? Of course it does! Meeting Snow changed me, meeting Henry changed me and for God's sake if I hadn't had you in my life all these years I'm one hundred per cent sure I'd be completely different."
Granny looked contemplative but eventually shook her head, "Not men like him."
Ruby didn't want to hear anymore and turned on her heel and stormed out the diner.
"Where do you think you're going?! We haven't finished yet!" Granny called after her.
Ruby needed space and air, she felt her chest restrict and her breath laboured. She needed to find something to calm her down. She ran and ran and ran and Ruby was certain she was going faster than she ever had before. She reached there quicker than expected and the area was deserted after dark. She was alone and Ruby felt free to express herself without fear.
She screamed and howled, and moaned and sobbed, and collapsed onto the dock. She stared out over the lake but couldn't find the satisfaction she needed, she breathed deeply, trying to imagine the sea salt that permeated the air but only smelt gushes of fish.
She imagined his arms around her, keeping her safe and loved.
But her imagination wasn't that strong, nor would it ever be and she cried all night by the ships that weren't his and by water that wasn't the sea he loved.
And still I can't let you be
Most nights I hardly sleep
Don't take what you don't need from me
Ruby watched as Mr. Gold – or rather Rumpelstiltskin – walked away from the library with a relieved and almost visibly joyful grin. Belle must have forgiven him or at the very least given him a second chance. Ruby tried not to be bitter that even 'The Beast' could achieve his happy ending when she couldn't.
She entered the library and looked around, Belle was nowhere in direct sight.
"Belle?" Ruby called into the open space.
"Ruby?" responded a surprised voice as Belle came into clear view.
"Hi." Ruby said stupidly to which Belle responded to accordingly.
There was silence between them for a few moments, neither knowing what to say to the other.
It was Belle who broke the silence, "Please don't judge me. I love him and I have an obligation to myself to give him another chance."
Ruby nodded. "I completely understand."
Belle gave her a strange look; a look of thorough investigation that stared deep past Ruby's soul and straight into Red's. Her eyes widened comically when she found what she was looking for.
"You're in love."
They stood in silence for a while, both again unsure of what to say. Belle was incredibly curious of her potential friend while Ruby was desperate to avoid the question.
"Was in love." Ruby corrected.
Belle proceeded cautiously. She approached Ruby carefully; aware that they weren't close but somehow knowing that Ruby needed an outlet she placed a gentle hand on Ruby's shoulder.
"I think you still are."
Ruby's eyes shot to Belle's cobalt blue and searched for any of the negativity that her Granny had. She didn't find any – only understanding and compassion. She opened her mouth to speak but choked on her words and shook her head immediately. Belle smiled sympathetically.
"It feels like that doesn't it – the choking – I've experienced it too." Suddenly, Belle's eyes grew wide with a sudden epiphany. "Let's sit down, I have a story I'd like to tell you."
Ruby tilted her head inquisitively but was ushered into a loveseat with Belle. The Beauty, obviously loved stories. If it wasn't evident from the mass of books surrounding them, the way she sat with her legs beneath her and almost quivered with excitement definitely gave her away.
"Once upon a time…"
"There was a young princess, engaged to an honourable yet arrogant man she didn't love but was willing to marry him to please her beloved father. Her kingdom was plagued with dreadful creatures, ogres, and in a desperate last resort the royal family summoned the Dark One."
Ruby already knew that Belle was recounting her own story.
"He arrived in the most outlandish way and had an impish giggle that made grown men tremble. He reeked of pure evil. The king begged the evil one to protect his kingdom from the ogres and offered the Dark One all the riches the kingdom owned in return. The Dark one, however, had no need or interest in material things and had another idea. In exchange for the kingdom to be protected from the ogres, the princess was to come live with him as a maid. The princess didn't even think about herself before she agreed, even though she was much loved by her people and her family; she loved her kingdom too much to watch it be demolished by brainless brutes. She left with him."
Belle had a quiet smile on her face, the reminiscence obviously reminding her why she loved her beast so much.
"The princess was frightened of the Dark One at first, and was hesitant to disobey or anger him. Her first task was to pour him tea and she had dropped the cup and chipped it. She had begged for forgiveness, tried to show him that the chip was barely noticeable but he just looked at her strangely and told her 'It's just a cup'. That's when things all changed. The princess stopped seeing the horrible monster she'd always been taught he was and grew to know the man that lay beneath."
Belle breathed deeply, almost peacefully.
"What she found surprised her. He was a man who had faced many troubles and difficulties throughout his mortal life and refused to allow any to follow him to his magical one. The princess came to the most startling discovery that, like most men, he was lonely and wanted a companion to converse with or even hold comfortable silences with. The princess became his only friend and considering the princess' confinement, he was hers too. As time went by, the Dark One would slowly open up more each passing day and before the princess was aware of it she hung off his every word and felt an intense desire to just be near him and she invented excuses to do such."
Ruby and Belle shared a similar smile, both aware of the elated feeling that comes when being near your lover and the painful absence that comes when they go.
"One day, after a particularly painful subject in regards to the Dark One's mortal life, the Dark One sent her to town to fetch some straw, which he had never done before. The princess was surprised by his faith in her but he admitted he expected her to never return. She left, with a pang of regret that she would lose her impish friend, and travelled towards her kingdom. Along the way, she met a beautiful dark haired and fair skinned woman. They walked together awhile, and the princess confided her troubles in the stranger. The woman prompted her to return to the Dark One, telling her that he must be cursed and that he let her go out of love, so she must return and give him true loves kiss and thus breaking the curse."
Belle smile turned haunted and Ruby was wondering if the dark haired woman was the same queen that plagued many peoples happiness.
"The princess should never have trusted the stranger. Although she had told the truth that the Dark One loved her as she loved him, he reacted violently, frightened of losing his powers so he cast her away. The princess was miserable; she'd lost her impish friend and the love of her life simultaneously. She'd barely passed three towns before the woman had captured her. The princess was thrown in a dungeon and left to rot, only ever seeing the woman's evilly gleeful eyes and hearing her viciously delightful laughter."
Ruby watched as Belle suddenly looked as lifeless as one already dead.
"She waited and waited and waited and yet no Dark One came to save her. So she waited some more and waited some more. Nothing. She genuinely believed she'd never see daylight or her beloved again. Almost thirty years would pass before the princess was rescued, but not by her beloved Dark One, by someone unknown but he led her to the Dark One. Believing her to be dead the last twenty nine years, the Dark One trembled with dry sobs as he beheld the woman he thought he had indirectly killed. His proof of love was the porcelain cup she'd chipped all those years ago which he had kept adoringly. They were in each other's arms, so none of it mattered anymore – at least to the princess. Although he had promised not to, the Dark One took revenge against the woman and almost killed her. The princess had also discovered he'd attacked her father in a rage and as much as the princess loved him – she couldn't forgive and forget. She did, however give him a chance to redeem himself and the results are to be announced."
Belle finished happily and hopefully, she truly believed that Rumpelstiltskin could and would change and with Ruby's experience with Killian, she knew he could. The question remained if he would and that was the point of Belle's trial.
Belle looked at Ruby expectantly.
"Do you have a story for me?"
Ruby hesitated for only a moment before she launched into her own story. How she met Killian, where they lived, how they acted, everything – she didn't leave a thing out – only names and dates. As the hours rolled by Belle went doe-eyed with the romantic story she was being told and seemed almost longing of it. She laughed with Ruby and went sombre when appropriate but she never interrupted. The tale ended with the truth, Killian and Red being violently and abruptly ripped apart with no hope of ever reuniting. When Ruby had stopped talking, Belle had looked at her expectantly.
"And…?"
"And that's it."
"What?!" Belle screamed outraged. "That can't be it!"
Ruby shrugged, trying hard not to agree and join in on the girl's theatrics.
"But it is. We'll never find each other."
Belle was shaking her head to and fro in complete and utter disbelief. She stared at Ruby with a newfound respect and appreciation but also pity.
"I know that feeling." Belle told her compassionately before her voice changed optimistically. "But then I found him. I had waited so long for him and when I finally realised he wasn't coming I was saved by someone else who I still don't know the name of and I found him. It works both ways, Ruby." She placed her hands on Ruby's shoulders and her bright but positive eyes gave Ruby some hope.
"Miracles can happen."
Belle wrapped her arms around her brand new friend and gently stroked her hair.
Ruby could handle anything thrown at her, but being hugged by a person who had understood her at least at some point, forced Ruby to simply let it all out.
Neither of them knew how long Ruby cried for but it was morning when she was finally spent.
It's just a drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven
Ruby sat on her bed staring blankly ahead; she had no more tears left to spill and no energy to show any emotion. Ruby had pretty much decided that being numb was the best way to go. Sure, she'll smile and laugh and be carefree like she always had been, she'd react to news and events how she's supposed to but when it's quiet, when she's alone and behind doors she wouldn't pretend.
She wouldn't fall so low that she'd lie to herself.
Belle had become a good friend, and was the only one who could see past the façade. Even Granny appeared convinced, so when Ruby had feigned nausea to head upstairs she shouldn't have been surprised that Belle followed her.
Belle looked caringly at the werewolf and sat next to her on the bed.
"Granny said you were ill."
Ruby nodded, pretending a little longer might send Belle away or at the very least she wouldn't have to be falsely happy.
"Are you bleeding?"
Ruby found it funny that sometimes Belle would speak as though she were solely from the other world and couldn't grasp some of the terminology this world had to offer – a drawback from not being given a second pair of memories Ruby concluded.
Ruby truthfully shook her head and burrowed into her pillow, wasn't it obvious that she didn't want company? She felt a delicate hand tentatively rub her back.
Ruby decided that silence was boring. "It's pretty nice going a couple decades without it though. Kudos to Regina in that aspect although I dare say it was more self- beneficial than for ours."
Belle looked at her curiously. "You don't bleed? But wouldn't that mean you're barren-?"
Her voice cut off as their eyes met. The pain must have showed on her face because Belle looked down quickly ashamed. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know."
Ruby shrugged, "it was just never meant to be. You would think that considering that fact nature would be kind to let me skip that nasty business."
Belle looked confused again. "I don't understand. You bleed but you haven't in nearly thirty years?"
Ruby nodded, "In case you've forgotten we've been cursed to a standstill – time stopped. I'm guessing our anatomy froze too."
Belle looked at Ruby in puzzlement. "I did in the asylum. Every month regularly and roughly every twenty-eight days."
Ruby looked down at her stomach sadly. "So, it's official. I can't conceive."
Belle wrapped her arms around her, immediately supporting.
"No! It's not fair!"
"Nothings fair when it comes to me." Ruby said bitterly.
Belle threw her head from side to side like a spoilt child not getting her way before standing suddenly and walking out.
"I'll be back soon!"
Ruby was alone again, and she wasn't sure if she was grateful or resentful of Belle's departure. The tears that she thought had long since dried were suddenly spilling over her lids and she dropped her face in her hands. She'd hit an all-time low and she shouldn't have been surprised. Of course fate would decide to throw that extra slap in her face by stripping her of not only something she had always strongly desired but also her basic womanly nature.
She would never be a mother.
She'd known it when in the Enchanted Forest, when no sign of pregnancy announced itself and time passed by without any change. She tried not to weep but it was getting impossibly hard not to find the closest razor blade and take it to her wrist. She wasn't weak, but she knew that even the strongest and bravest fell – and they fell hard.
Before long, Belle had returned huffing and puffing in overexerting herself, a small brown paper bag in her hand.
"That had better be chocolate." Ruby told her dryly. "I'll only forgive you for vanishing like that if it's chocolate."
Belle shook her head, "No, it's better."
Ruby was trying to think of what could be better than chocolate when Belle tossed her the bag and Ruby looked inside. She swore her heart stopped beating in her chest.
"Belle," Ruby choked painfully, "If this is a joke, I can tell you now it's not funny-"
"Please, try it."
"No."
"Please."
"Do you have any idea how much you are torturing me right now?"
Belle nodded. "I just want to eliminate all options."
"This isn't an option."
"Yes, it is."
Ruby shook her head stubbornly, refusing to torture herself like a masochist.
Belle again sat next to her on the bed. "You may very well be with child."
"I'm not!" Ruby spat.
Belle took the box from Ruby's hand and examined it. "You said yourself that we were at a standstill – you may have been carrying this child for nearly three decades without realising it! It will only take you a few minutes to find out, why not?"
"Because it will destroy me." Ruby whispered.
Belle sighed heavily, she needed Ruby to at least take the test to be sure, it was nagging at Belle and it was the only hope in a hopeless situation. Belle would take any anger or tears that may occur from a negative result but Ruby needed to try.
She handed the test back to Ruby who glared at it hatefully before snatching it and disappearing into the adjoining bathroom. The minutes ticked away until they both knew it was time to check. They both stood just out of eye distance of it, neither leaping at the opportunity that they both knew would inflict pain.
Belle cracked first.
"Do you want me to-?"
"I'll do it." Ruby interrupted, grabbing the stick and staring at the result.
Her mind spun around and around and Ruby was amazed she hadn't collapsed as a result to dizziness. She stared at the two little lines that conjoined into a plus sign in absolute shock. She was pregnant. Ruby Lucas and Little Red Riding Hood were actually pregnant.
Belle couldn't handle the suspense and tore the positive stick out of Ruby's frozen hands. She looked at Ruby with astounded glee.
"Oh, my goodness! Ruby, you're with child!"
Belle expected Ruby to suddenly burst out squealing or at the very least smile and laugh in immeasurable joy. She hadn't expected Ruby to burst out laughing her voice full of resentment and with tears of anger.
"Oh fate, you are a merciless bitch!" Ruby wiped the tears from her eyes and Belle cautiously approached her.
"Ruby? Are you alright? I thought this is what you wanted."
Ruby just continued to laugh inordinately. "We wanted a child. We! Only fate would be cruel enough to give us the miracle child we'd craved only to rip away its father and leave it with only an empty shell of its mother."
She couldn't stop laughing, she laughed harder than she had in years. She laughed until she cried and she cried until she was in a heap of hysterical sobs on the bathroom tiles.
"Oh, Ruby…" Belle was instantly by her side embracing her friend.
"How can fate be so cruel?"
"I don't know, sweetheart. I just don't know."
"I need him! I can't do this without him!"
"I know, I know."
Misplaced trust and old friends
Never counting regrets
By the grace of God I do not rest at all
Ruby sat on her bed, wondering the best way to tell her Granny she was pregnant, and with the child of the man she so obviously despised. Belle was downstairs with her, talking to her about cleaning and cooking techniques, trying to lighten her mood and soften the blow for when Ruby broke the news. Ruby knew whatever good mood Granny was in would vanish into thin air the moment she revealed everything.
Belle had discreetly taken Ruby to see a woman named Lucy Cheng or otherwise known as Fa Li, a midwife. The woman was older than what Ruby had expected, middle aged but going grey, but friendly and had a maternal feel about her. She had confirmed the positive testing and estimated that Ruby was ten weeks along. Two and a half months pregnant and she hadn't even noticed. Fa Li had been kind though, telling her that her own pregnancy had been easy and almost unnoticeable. She had immediately recommended pre-natal vitamins and booked future appointments.
That was a week ago and Ruby's courage to tell her Granny still failed her.
Only Belle knew and Ruby had a sneaky suspicion that by extension Mr. Gold knew too.
Ten weeks along. Ruby had done the math in her head, and after bumping into many brain bursting time/world paradoxes and somehow over coming them, Ruby was able to figure out that she had conceived the day of or the night before she'd left to help Snow and she'd been pregnant ever since. She absentmindedly rubbed her belly, amazed that she'd had carried a child for nigh of thirty years without even noticing.
She wished Killian was with her. No doubt he would have stared at her in shocked wonder before picking her up into his broad arms and swinging her around in happiness.
The werewolf sighed heavily, tossing the vitamin bottle carelessly in her hand; she wondered how her Granny would react. Not well was the only certainty she had. She was grateful that she had Belle pushing her to make sure she didn't do any strenuous lifting or be exposed to anything that could potentially harm her baby.
Misjudging a toss of the bottle, the vitamins fell from her grasp and landed on the floor and as a final act of spite rolled under the bed. Ruby groaned slightly in annoyance before kneeling down and thoughtlessly reaching for it. It was obviously further back than she'd thought as she had to lose nearly her entire arm under the bed to reach anything and when she did it wasn't the bottle she'd expected.
It was an umbrella that had long since been cast aside and held a significant memory… one substantially more painful than anyone had originally thought.
I'm a sailor.
… And then, being as pissed as he was, he fell off the side of the ship, onto the docks and was convinced he had fallen into the water and was drowning!
Granny I'm not sleeping with him. Have I ever slept with you before?
No
Without any word of warning, the stranger turned to Ruby and pressed his lips against hers. It was sweet and tender and Ruby returned it after the split second of shock was over – she'd only just met this man but she wasn't going to deny him or herself the pleasure of an innocent kiss. Their lips massaged each other's without the urgency or hunger they both often felt from kisses. It was innocent, pure which was a first for Ruby. Men often tried to devour her mouth. She found she liked the change.
She stared in shock at the umbrella as her mind reeled with the new information. Killian was in Storybrooke.
Killian was in Storybrooke.
Her felt her breathing grow hard as relief and overjoyed happiness flooded through her. He was here! The love of her life was here!
She jumped from her bed and rushed down the stairs playing the scene over and over again in her head, hoping something would give his location away. Ruby knew that if Killian was affected by the curse he couldn't leave Storybrooke and if he'd somehow came there by other means, he never would have willingly left. His answers were just vague enough to go either way.
Just as she reached the last step something threw itself at the forefront of her mind.
What's your name? Please, tell me.
Killian Jones.
Killian Jones. Ruby felt nauseous. He knew, he had remembered and there she had been, acting like a wanton woman and he had been reunited with the love of his life who didn't recognize him – hell, couldn't recognize herself!
Her heart clenched tightly. She knew Killian and if he had remembered he would have tried to make her fall in love with him all over again. There was no way Regina would curse someone and let them keep their name and Ruby had a hard time believing Regina even knew he was in this world.
Continuing her fast track down the stairs, Ruby entered the diner gracelessly, panting from the rush and shock of her discovery. The diner was empty, surprising considering it was breakfast time but Ruby didn't mind the lack of audience she was sure she'd have attracted.
"He's here! He's here in Storybrooke!"
Belle and Granny's head shot up from their conversation and straight to the elated girl. Neither needed to know who 'he' was.
Belle shot up excited. "What? How?"
Ruby shook her head frantically. "I don't know. I can't decide if he came here by the curse like the rest of us or if he somehow found a way here! All I know is he's here!"
"How do you know? Has someone seen him? Did you see him?"
"Yes, he came into the diner!"
Belle and Granny shared a skeptical glance, they'd been there for a while and no one new had entered and the last had left not five minutes ago. They knew everyone who had come for an early breakfast – their fairytale identity and Storybrooke persona.
"Ruby," Bella started unsurely, "No one has come in recently."
Ruby shook her head frustrated they weren't as up to par with her. "No! I saw him here maybe five or six years ago! He said he was a sailor who'd come to Storybrooke for work but that doesn't make sense! You know what? It doesn't matter! All that matters is that he's here and that I have a chance to find him!"
Ruby's smile was contagious forcing Belle to grin with pleasure but Granny alone seemed immune and turned away from the girls.
"You're still chasing that pathetic excuse of a man?"
Both looked at Granny and recoiled.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Belle demanded. "I'm in love with an actual monster and no one has attacked me about it so leave her alone!"
"Because they're too scared to say anything to you!" Granny retorted.
"That's not true!"
"It is! He wouldn't hesitate to make anyone's life miserable if he knew they had hurt you in any way."
"Maybe so but Ruby's man isn't like that!"
"He was a pirate!"
"Big deal!"
"He murdered innocent people without thought simply so he could steal their valuables."
Belle sent Ruby an apologetic look but continued in a fiercer tone than anyone had ever heard from her.
"The wolf in Ruby has killed its fair share of innocents too and for fewer reasons than for material belongings."
Granny's eyes narrowed into slits. "That's her curse and a burden she must bear and how dare you try to justify anyone's actions with Ruby's! She can't help it!"
"And people change! He didn't want to be a pirate anymore! He was willing to live a simple and isolated life with Ruby! I think that warrants the belief that he wanted to change – at the very least for her! Why are you so intent to rob Ruby of her happiness?!"
"How dare you?! I have done nothing but-"
"ENOUGH!" Ruby roared.
They both fell silent, the two of them freezing in their spots and both looking momentarily terrified.
"Belle, if you could, would you please come looking for him with me?"
Belle nodded enthusiastically, as though there was never a question of the matter.
"And Granny…" Ruby started bracing herself. "Nothing is going to stop me from finding him. I owe it to him, I owe it to myself," Ruby breathed deeply, "and I owe it to our unborn child."
Granny visibly recoiled. "I beg your pardon?"
Ruby stared at her intently, "You know perfectly well what I said."
Granny stood there stock still for what seemed like hours but she turned away and started fumbling with the eggs. It was an age old habit of Granny's, cooking when under stress. Even as Widow Lucas she cooked, it would obviously never change.
Granny couldn't look at Ruby.
"Have you nothing to say, Granny?"
"What's there to say?"
"I don't know but perhaps congratulations are in order."
Granny shook her head and started to walk away, leaving the cracked eggs in a bowl.
"That's it? No scolding? No screaming or yelling or even a slap?"
Granny sighed exasperatedly, "What can I do? It's done."
Granny disappeared from view. Belle and Ruby looked at each other and sighed.
"Thanks, Belle."
"No one can stand in front of your happiness, Ruby. I will do everything I can to ensure you find him."
"I know. I'll find him, I know I will. Now that I know he's here there will be no stopping me."
New England as the leaves change
The last excuse that I'll claim
I was a boy who loved a woman like a little girl
Despite Ruby's determination a week passed without any luck but for once the hope she held was as abundant as ever, if a little dimming from lack of success. Belle and Ruby had devised a schedule on when to search for Ruby's long lost love. They would search during their hour lunch break and then again at eight o'clock when the library closed. Although Granny hadn't spoken to Ruby since their argument, she hadn't tried to keep Ruby from leaving. It was hard searching after dark, most shops were closed and not many people were kind to strangers or even friends who knocked on their door asking it someone resided there or if they happened to know Killian. They never did and the two were often inches away from having a door slammed into their noses.
Ruby had arrived at the library at roughly eight o'clock to find it unlocked but uninhabited. Belle must have been off to the coffee shop, as she had been doing the past few nights so Ruby wasn't particularly worried.
As expected, Belle arrived a few minutes later with two take-away coffee cups in each hand and a befuddled and slightly frightened expression. Ruby was instantly alert.
"Belle, what's wrong?"
Belle shook her head.
"Nothing, I just ran into someone on the way here that unsettled me."
Ruby was justifiably curious, it wasn't often Belle met someone she was uncomfortable with.
"Who was it?"
"I don't know." Belle shrugged. "All I really know about him is that he's a collector of 'things hard to find' believe it or not. As respectful such a job may be it's hard to appreciate it when he believes you to be one of those things."
Ruby paused in her tracks. She had heard that before, it was nagging at the edge of her subconscious and simply wouldn't present itself. He was a collector of things hard to find… where had she heard such a thing? Maybe she would recognise what he looked like…
"What does he look like?"
Belle pondered thoughtfully. "Well, he's by no means handsome but I suppose if one could look past it, they'd see a firm hearted and polite but still a somewhat selfish man. He was a bigger man physically and his hair was white but he didn't seem to be what would be considered old; still early in his fourth decade perhaps. He wore spectacles but there wasn't much else about him that stood out..."
It continued to nag at Ruby. She knew of this man but she couldn't place him and her instincts were telling her to not let it drop.
"…except for that hideous red beanie he wore..."
The blood chilled in her veins.
"Mr. Smee?"
Belle shrugged vacantly. "I do belief someone called him that, yes. Last I saw him he was in the mines but I'm sure he'd be back with my father by now."
Ruby was already gone, ignoring Belle's calls to come back and not paying any mind to her inability to keep up. She ran down the streets of Storybrooke and forced her way through dark alleys to find Moe French's shop. The door said it was closed but Ruby paid no mind as she hammered heavily on the door.
"We're closed!" she heard a gruff voice from within call, "Come back tomorrow!"
Ruby didn't respond, simply kept pounding the door.
"Crikey, what could be so bloody important- Red?" Moe's angered voice fell to surprise but when he saw Ruby's desperate expression his face turned worried. "What's happened? Is it Belle?"
Ruby was momentarily surprised by Moe's assumption but it was well known that Ruby and Belle had become close friends and other than Belle, Ruby had no reason to be pounding on his door near nine o'clock at night.
Ruby shook her head frantically, trying to silently quell his worries. "She's fine."
"Well, out with it then!"
"I'm looking for someone. I heard he might be here."
Whatever Moe had expected, it wasn't that.
"And who might that be?"
"William Smee."
"What do you want with the likes of him?" He raised his eyebrow.
"With all due respect, your grace, it's none of your business."
He shrugged and pointed a thick thumb over his shoulder. "He's in the back, past the hibiscus plants."
Ruby nodded gratefully and rushed forwards, dodging the counter and opening the door. What she saw wasn't what she had expected. There, on the bed, was a black and blue Mr. Smee who obviously had upset the wrong man.
"Oh, Mr. Smee, who did this to you?"
Hearing her unexpected voice, Mr. Smee's only good eye opened and he looked at Ruby in surprise.
"Who are you? What're you doing here?"
"Don't you recognise me?" Ruby placed a gentle hand on his uninjured arm.
Mr. Smee stared long and hard at Ruby, his eyes failing to connect her to anyone he knew but when recognition struck he felt foolish that he hadn't realised who it was before.
"By the grace of God, is that you Red?"
Ruby nodded.
Mr. Smee smiled kindly. "Capt'n would be glad to see you've remembered."
Hope rose in Ruby's chest and she could barely find her voice to ask him.
"Is he here? Where can I find him?" Ruby's eyes glanced all around the room as though her true love would pop out of anywhere.
Mr. Smee sighed sadly. "No, lassie, he's not."
Ruby's hope fled her as quickly as it arrived.
"What? But I saw him five years ago!"
Mr. Smee looked quite satisfied all of a sudden. "So, he had found you. That's good. I spotted him once maybe an hour or two before our time was up and he looked like a frantic horse, looking through windows, jumping over fences." He chuckled. "It was quite the sight to behold."
"'Time was up'? What do you mean 'before your time was up'?"
"When you vanished in that cloud of smoke from the Evil Queen's curse, the capt'n went just about mad looking for you. Nothing would sway him. Eventually he sought the help of the sea witch."
"The sea witch?"
"Think of a lesser version of Rumpelstiltskin but no less evil or vicious - simply harder to find."
"Okay, sea witch, what next?"
"It was rumoured that she could jump to different worlds. The capt'n made a deal with her. She would give him three hours in the world you resided in, in exchange for a book in this world.
"What kind of book?"
"Just some book that kept a record of names from this world and the other, it's not important but as the capt'n searched for you I looked for this book in a rather peculiar shop. During my search, I came across a strange spell book. It was powerful, no doubt in my mind about that, and as I flipped through its pages I came across a spell that would keep the capt'n here in Storybrooke with you."
Ruby looked at him anxiously, "it didn't work?"
"No, it did. I tested it on myself and it worked perfectly. I tried to take them both with me but the spell book wouldn't leave the store so I resolved myself to waiting at the starting point and taking him when he returned. The time was drawing to a close before some drunken men waltz past. They were hollering and jesting and when they spotted me, the fat man in the red beanie, they dragged me into an alleyway and beat me six ways from Sunday. I had managed to leave the book for the capt'n to find but I was in no condition to inform him about the spell book. I'm sorry, Red but those men had beaten me for the fun of it. Us pirates, we at least stole what possessions people had by taking it with intimidation or saving them any unnecessary pain by just outright killing them. I'm sorry, Red, I'm sorry I was so weak."
Ruby shook her head frantically, attempting to temporarily hide her grief.
"No! I don't blame you, not a bit and nor would Killian."
Ruby was certain she saw her stout friend hide tears.
"You didn't see him. He was nothing but a ghost of what he was. His sole purpose was to find you. I've never seen a man so hell bent on anything; not a jewel, not a treasure, not a dime and most certainly not a woman. But the capt'n searched night and day for you, don't ever think otherwise."
Ruby nodded, and patted Mr. Smee's arm gently.
Although, before then, Ruby had only laid eyes on Mr. Smee once, she felt a kinship with him that stemmed from their loyal devotion to Captain Killian Jones, and it pained her to see him injured.
Ruby's eyes suddenly narrowed as a farfetched idea came to her.
"You said the sea witch could jump from world to world, right?"
Mr. Smee nodded. "Aye, I did."
Ruby bit her lip contemplating.
"Could she be here?"
"In this world?!"
"Yes!"
"Well, I don't know. I mean, I suppose it could be possible but why would she?"
"Well, why wouldn't she?"
"Which brings us back to the question why would she?"
Ruby threw her hands exasperated.
"I don't know! Throw me a bone here, just go with it! If she did have a guise here or if she herself was here then how could I find her?"
Mr. Smee looked at her blankly.
"I think you're chasing dead ends, Red."
Ruby looked at him desperately.
"But it's not implausible. She very well could be!"
"If she could come back and forth at will why would she deal with the capt'n for a book here?"
"I don't know!"
Mr. Smee shook his head.
"I'm sorry, Red. I won't send you on a wild goose chase."
Internally, Ruby crumbled, all her hopes were dashed and she felt about ready to break down into sobs. She stiffened her lip and turned to walk away, Mr. Smee wouldn't see her cry.
Just before she left she heard him say, "That same look as the capt'n… Look for the one who knows everyone's counterparts and alter egos. Speak to their 'designer' – I dare say she, out of everyone, would know something."
Ruby gave a teary smile to show her appreciation before leaving.
And I still can't let you be
Most nights I hardly sleep
Don't take what you don't need from me
"Miss Lucas, this had better be good, it's eleven o'clock at night."
Regina was dressed in her bathrobe, obviously preparing for bed, when Ruby had stumbled to her front door praying for answers.
"Regina," Ruby spoke, her voice quivering and her eyes heavy, "I need your help."
The werewolf could see the witch's curiosity in her black orbs and almost felt the need to retreat. The evil woman stepped aside to allow the animal into her abode. Red's instincts whimpered in objection but her mate was looking for her so she would at the very least meet him halfway.
Once they were inside, they stood in the hallway for a moment, the silence thick in the air that even a butter knife could cut it. Regina lost her patience quickly.
"Your reason for being here, Miss Lucas."
"I'm looking for someone."
"You and half of the citizens of Storybrooke, what makes you so special that you feel the need to personally tell your former mayor? You can go to the city hall and file a missing persons report; I'm sure that if you go now you may be only the second last to do it." Regina spoke sarcastically.
"Technically, I'm looking for two someone's. One can lead me to the other I just need to know who the identity for one of them is in this world."
"And of course you would immediately assume I know."
"Don't you?"
Regina wore that Cheshire grin. "But of course."
"I need to find the sea witch."
Regina's face fell dramatically. Obviously, she hadn't expected Ruby to be looking for someone who wasn't Emma or Mary Margaret but also someone who could quite possibly be more heartless than herself.
"What on earth could you want with Ursula?"
Ruby mentally filed the name away.
"She can temporarily bring us back and forth between worlds."
Regina looked at Ruby intently.
"And that appeals to you because…?"
"I need to find someone."
"Who is…?"
Ruby sighed, she had hoped not to reveal too much but she couldn't see the damage it could do. Besides, she was desperate enough to be there.
"The love of my life. The husband of my heart."
Regina paused, her body going stiff as she stared at Ruby strangely.
"I beg your pardon?" although they both knew she had heard perfectly well.
Ruby felt the pressure of tears build behind her eyes but refused to let them fall even though it was obvious to anyone they were there. Her slender arms wrapped around her abdomen as she confessed her desires to a woman she couldn't stand.
"I'm almost twelve weeks along; I'll even be able to find out if it's a boy or girl soon. It's the most bizarre feeling, considering yourself barren for almost a year and then finding out your pregnant with your miracle baby without your true love with you. I've been pregnant for almost thirty years and I've never known. He's alive, in the other world and he needs to know. I will try to be the best mother this child could ever have but I couldn't live with myself knowing that he was out there somewhere oblivious that he would soon have a child and that I have a way to tell him. It will kill me to see him and be ripped away from him, yes but I will live. I need to survive. I can't be weak with this child growing within me."
Ruby saw Regina clutch the necklace around her neck. There were two metal bands, obviously one for a woman and the other for a man – they almost looked like wedding rings. Ruby felt as though she was struck by lightning as a realisation struck her. How she'd never noticed or suspected it before made Ruby feel immensely guilty but it was Regina after all, the Evil Queen but Regina's haunted eyes spoke it all.
She'd been in love at some point too and it was quite possibly that love that tarnished her.
"Can you help me?"
Although Regina looked unmoved and unrelenting, Ruby could see the war that waged behind her eyes. Obviously, Regina held a soft spot for tragic love and anyone who knew her was aware of her love for her son Henry, however stern and strict she may be with him.
Regina seemed to come to a decision and opened the front door, gesturing Ruby out.
"It's late; I suggest you find her tomorrow."
Ruby's heart deflated, as she slowly crept towards the door and into the night. Thus, the so called repenting evil queen wouldn't help her with simply finding the sea witch, this Ursula. Before Ruby completely vanished from view Regina spoke to her.
"Miss Lucas, I hear that the name Bernadette means 'Brave as a Bear', not quite so different from Ursula which means 'Little Bear'. Strange, isn't it, what names can give away?"
Ruby understood the message perfectly, albeit surprised it was Bernadette of all people, and when she opened her mouth a thank Regina, the door had already been slammed shut and the hallway lights switched off.
Perhaps Regina wasn't above saving.
It's a drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven
After Ruby had returned to the frantic Belle and told her everything, Belle insisted on going with her to find Bernadette… after they went to the scheduled doctor appointment of course.
According to Lucy, who insisted on being called as such, everything was going well and she had a happy and healthy child, if slightly stressed. Lucy emphasised the importance that Ruby remain calm and relaxed, that she doesn't over exert herself or let stress take over her but other than that Ruby had been doing everything right.
It was also time for Ruby's first ultrasound.
The strange and cold goo was smeared across her stomach and a loud and almost wild fluttering sound filled the air. Belle and Ruby both jumped slightly at the sound.
Lucy laughed, "relax, that's just your baby's heartbeat; nice and strong."
She'd adjusted the piece of equipment on Ruby's stomach, trying to get a closer look at the baby. Soon, Lucy was pointing out little bits and bobs of the foetus. Pointing out little legs and arms, slightly freaking both girls out when she showed how close together it's organs are – which apparently had split apart in no way abnormal – which freaked Belle and Ruby out – the organs split? However, when Lucy asked if she'd like to know the sex, Ruby was momentarily conflicted; did she want to know? Would Killian have wanted it to be a surprise?
Ruby pondered it but ultimately decided that when she told him, she'd tell him everything.
"It's a girl."
Ruby's heart melted at thought of soon having a little girl that was both hers and Killian's. She couldn't stop the smile that broke across her face. She was having a girl; she was going to be a mother. She laughed gleefully as Belle jumped up and down excitedly, she'd never felt a better feeling before in her life. All she needed was Killian and it would have been perfect.
They left immediately after, heading for the local hair salon. From outside, anyone could see Bernadette sitting on her stool flipping through her magazine bored. She obviously had no customers today. It struck Ruby as odd that Bernadette was a woman everyone knew in Storybrooke, being the only hair dresser in town, and knew everyone fairly intimately but no one knew her. It was obvious now why no one knew her in the other world, someone who lurked deep in the oceans grottoes.
Ruby and Belle entered the store and Bernadette snapped to attention.
"Ruby! Long time since I last saw you, and you've brought a friend with you."
Bernadette had a vultures smile but spoke with kind but hollow words. It was amazing to Ruby how much she had once liked Bernadette only to discover she was potentially a heartless monster set to give everyone misery.
"Hello, Ursula."
Bernadette's head cocked to the side, dropping the front. "Yes, it has indeed been a while since I was called that name, longer still when I was using magic to bring your boyfriend to you." Her smile was dangerous, "tell me, did he find you?"
Ruby nodded, "Yes, now you're going to do the same thing for me."
Bernadette scoffed. "Not likely. Magic doesn't work here like it does there. Besides, you'd only see him for a few hours." She grumbled, "I don't know why people insist on torturing themselves."
Ruby approached her, subconsciously placing her hand on her abdomen which was not unnoticed by the sea witch, and spoke determinedly.
"I need to tell him something."
"Obviously. But the question is; what do I get out of it?"
Ruby had nothing substantial to give her in exchange and they both knew it.
"What do you want?"
Bernadette falsely acted contemplative before achieving a sudden epiphany.
"I know! When you reach there you are to retrieve something for me."
"What would that be?"
"An ogre's heart."
"What?!"
Belle was immediately tugging on her friends arm.
"No, Ruby! This is suicide!"
"A heart?" Ruby ignored Belle.
"They have alchemical purposes. For one of my potions I will need it. Bring me back an ogre's heart and we will have a deal."
Ruby knew the likelihood of her retrieving the heart and returning alive was slim, which would defeat the entire purpose of finding Killian but she didn't think she could live with herself if she didn't try.
"What if I fail? It's not an easy task to accomplish."
Bernadette looked at her intently. "Then you'll live to regret it."
Ruby nodded, "Very well."
"Time's wasting. But remember," she leaned low and whispered in Ruby's ear, "If I don't receive that heart I'll destroy you."
They both knew Ruby wouldn't be able to accomplish it. That she'd find Killian and have no time to spare looking for an ogre to harvest its heart. Ruby would only be able to do one or the other.
"Don't do this, please." Belle begged but Ruby shook her head.
"I'm going."
Seeing that nothing would change her mind, Belle stepped back and looked forlornly at the floor.
"Be safe then."
Ruby nodded and looked at Bernadette expectantly. Bernadette pulled up a piece of paper and with a wave of her fingers it was suddenly a contract. "Sign it, if you will."
Ruby Lucas was written neatly at the assigned spot.
"It will be a little bit different then from when your man visited you. You see, magic reacts strangely in this world which is to be expected since this world repels it. It will be slightly… off base. You could have minutes with him instead of hours."
Then with a wave of Bernadette's fingers, she was gone.
Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore
No
No
Heaven doesn't seem far away
Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore
No
No
Heaven doesn't seem far away
Oh
Oh
Ruby found herself in the middle of a strange room. It was humongous and filled to the brim with treasure. She looked around thoughtfully, confused as to where the spell had sent her. Hopefully she wasn't too far away from her destination.
Suddenly, she heard a resonating snoring sound that shook the floor to a rumble. Ruby barely held her bearings as golden objects were flung carelessly from their stacks. Where in the world was she?
"You've got to be jerking my chain. Now he's asleep." She heard a grumbling from a small distance away. She walked around the large boulders, briefly eyeing the ceiling to make sure no more fell, before her eyes fell on her desired target. There, sitting languidly on the floor cuffed to a pole, was the love of her life.
"Killian…" she whispered in shock.
His head lurched up having heard something before shaking his head slightly as though to ward off an illusion.
Ruby approached him from behind and her heart ached as he looked away from her, but she could tell from his posture he was pained. Before she knew it she was close enough to smell him, she deeply inhaled his sea salt scent and a sob broke from her throat as she rested her hand on his shoulder.
"Killian…"
This time he jumped from his place on the floor and spun to face her, his hook at the ready to attack until he saw and recognised her. She had never seen him drop his arm so quickly.
"Red?" he murmured in shock.
Ruby nodded and placed a gentle hand on his face which he immediately cradled in his good hand.
"Am I dreaming? Am I hallucinating? Is this some sweet curse the giant has cast on me to torment me before ripping you away from me?"
His eyes were closed as he held her hand against his face and Ruby softly stroked it.
"I'm real, Killian, open your eyes."
His eyes stubbornly stayed shut.
"I can't open my eyes and wake from this dream."
"It's me."
Ruby wrapped her arms around him and kisses him lightly on the forehead, then on his nose, then both cheeks before reaching his lips. As their lips met Killian's hand was suddenly tangled in her hair and pulling her mouth closer to his. The kiss turned from sweet and loving to passionate and frantic in moments. His hook stayed on her hip and she felt the coldness of it through the fabric of her shirt. Their tongues danced together in a rhythm only they knew and only broke for much needed air.
"Red…"
She smiled through relieved tears.
"Killian…"
He pulled her back for the lightest of kisses before burying his head in her shoulder, his arms wrapped around her almost squeezing the life out of her.
"Oh, Red… is it really you?"
"Well, I've been renamed Ruby actually but I'll answer to Red."
"Ruby?" His eyes shot open "You remember then? You're here! You're not a vision!"
He laughed joyfully as he wrapped her into his embrace. He held onto her tightly as though she'd vanish any second and to Ruby's despair she knew she would. Despite desperately wanting to stay in his arms a while longer Ruby retracted herself, triggering alarm from Killian.
"Red, what is it?"
"I can't stay long."
His arms tightened instinctively around her. "What?"
"I made a deal with the sea witch."
She saw him freeze and could swear she saw his eyes glisten with tears.
"Three hours then." He said resolutely.
She shook her head, "less because magic in my world is unstable. It's impossible to be sure but the sea witch believed I had only a few minutes. But she couldn't be certain."
Killian shook his head in horror. "Minutes! Why would you do that to yourself?!"
Ruby caressed his cheek with her fingers and Killian tried desperately to ignore the tingling feeling that stained his cheek.
"You lost me twice, why would you torture yourself like that?" she asked rhetorically, knowing that to simply catch a glimpse of each other would be enough to sustain their hope of being together again.
Killian, of course, argued her logic.
"I went to ensure you were still alive."
"And I came to tell you that you created life."
Killian paused for a moment confused, looking at her curiously, not understanding.
"Time froze in the other world. Everything just stopped moving. Aging, events, life… our bodies… what's in them."
Killian looked at her truly perplexed.
Ruby placed his hand on her stomach, staring him deep into his eyes, her own orbs giving away her meaning.
"It froze our little miracle too."
Killian looked as though he'd been paralyzed, staring at his hand that cradled his lover's stomach that held their child. Tears sprung to his eyes as he knelt to the floor and stared at her still flat belly with wonder.
"How? It's been twenty eight years-"he choked.
"It's as I said, everything froze. Times are moving again." She smiled brightly albeit pained at him, "I'm three months along."
"Out of danger." Killian said absently before the reality of the situation hit him.
His eyes shot to Ruby's and the biggest grin she'd ever seen lit his face.
"You're with child." He said unnecessarily but Ruby knew he would likely repeat it over and over again until it really sunk in.
He stood quickly and wrapped his arms around her, cursing the cuff on his good hand from limiting his ability to celebrate with her. Ruby's eyes were wide and bright with excitement, thrilled to be able to share the news with him. She rested her head against his chest and felt his heart beating erratically.
"I heard the heartbeat."
Killian gave her a curious look.
"You what?"
"There's a machine in our world that lets us hear and see unborn babies. The heartbeat, it fluttered like a little bird."
Killian looked amazed, "They can do that?"
Ruby nodded, "I also found out if it was a boy or girl." His head snapped towards her, instantly alert. "Want to know?"
"Of course I bloody well want to know, what sort of question is that?"
"She's our little girl."
Something inside Killian melted and his smile was handsome. "A little girl?" he chuckled. "Two little Reds running around, what shall I do?"
Ruby shrugged, playing along with the façade that nothing was amiss. "What if she's a little Killian? What will I do then?"
He sighed dramatically, "I suppose we'd have to buy her a ship of her very own then."
"A ship?"
"No daughter of mine will not love the ocean." He said it as though it was obvious. "Otherwise I'd question her paternity."
Ruby couldn't hold it anymore and the tears overflowed.
"Oh Red…" he immediately took her back in his arms. "I will find you and bring you home. Then you, I, our daughter and whatever other little mongrels we'll have will live in our cabin in the woods. I'll have to extend it and make it bigger to accommodate but I'm sure we'll manage."
The picture he had painted was beautiful and Ruby found herself craving it. "But it's been twenty eight years. What if it takes-"
"It won't. Things are changing here and hopefully I'll be aboard the ship heading to Storybrooke before our little girl is born."
"What happened? What's brought this on?"
"Strangers are here – from Storybrooke. They're trying to return. I was helping them but as you can see," he rattled his chained hand for emphasis, "We weren't the best of mates."
"Wait, who's here?"
He shrugged, "A rather feisty Emma and an annoying bint called Mary Margaret – most hideous name I'm ever heard - it suits her well."
"Oh my God, Emma and Snow are here?"
"Snow?" Killian pondered thoughtfully, "she was called that by one of the others I think but I'm not sure." His eyes went wide. "Snow. Snow as in the Snow White? Your Snow?"
Ruby nodded.
Killian rubbed the back of his neck. "From what you'd said about her kind hearted nature I didn't expect someone so… aggressive."
"Snow can come across as such." Ruby giggled. "Especially when it involves her family."
"Family…" Killian said wistfully, "Been a while since I had one of those and a broken one at that."
Ruby rubbed circles across his chest. "Well, you have one now."
Killian rested his chin on the crown of her head.
"I know and I will not lose either of you." He had newfound reason to find Ruby and go to Storybrooke – his little girl was waiting for him and he wasn't about to deny her.
"Little bit's got me tied around her finger already." He frowned.
Ruby laughed. "You? What do you think she's done to me? I've been eating curry like they've decided not to make it anymore. It's driving Granny mad!"
"Granny, how'd she take it?"
"Like one would expect."
Killian nodded, not willing to dwell of horrible things when Ruby was safe in his embrace.
"Silvia." He suddenly said.
"What?" she asked, looking up from her place in his chest, and eyed him inquisitively.
"Her name… let's name her Silvia."
"Why?" Ruby asked confused.
He adopted a roguish smirk but refused to answer.
"You'll work it out, sweetheart."
His over-confidant grin assured Ruby she'd find it amusing.
"Anyway, any tips to get on the lovely duos good side?"
"Tell them you know me – as Red, they'll never believe you know Ruby."
"How can I prove that? If I remember correctly Snow didn't even know I existed."
"Tell her that the first time I met her, she was in the chicken coup stealing my eggs. That should at least give her reason to doubt her reservations of you."
"Stealing chicken eggs-?" Killian uttered in wonderment before he smirked, "I am so bringing that up when I track that bint down."
Ruby felt weak all of a sudden and Killian noticed.
"Final warnings before you go."
Ruby clutched to him. "No! I don't want to."
"I know but you haven't got a choice, love."
Even though he said it steadily, he didn't release her from his grasp.
"I don't think I can do this without you."
"Red, look at me." He demanded forcefully and she did. "You won't. I swear to anyone that will listen you won't raise this child without me." He grinned playfully. "Besides, you'd miss me too much and your stubborn self would strap Silvia to your back and track me down anyway."
"Damn right I would!"
The uncomfortable feeling grew and the dread in Ruby's stomach cultivated.
"I'll be waiting for you."
"I'll be there soon."
Then, as though she were never even there, Ruby disappeared from Killian's suddenly stony arms.
When Ruby appeared back at the salon, she barely had time to release a tear before she was ripped roughly up by her elbow.
"We had a deal, Ruby." Bernadette told her coldly.
"I know."
Bernadette released her. "You are aware of the consequences of violating a contract with me?"
"Yes."
Her eyes narrowed further, "And yet you deliberately break it. You sure have nerve."
Ruby looked down, preparing for anything.
"I'll accept any consequence you may give me."
Bernadette waved her hand dismissively. "Get out."
Belle and Ruby left without argument although both were on their guards. Neither of them believed that the sea witch let her off so easily – she would strike later and hard.
They returned to the diner and spoke to Granny in whispered tones, trying to avoid notice from any customers. Granny was understandably furious when she learned the risks Ruby took and that even knowing she couldn't accomplish the task she did it anyway.
Ruby eventually feigned exhaustion and retired to her room.
Finally alone, Ruby turned on her dinosaur computer and googled the name Silvia. The most popular meaning of the name was 'from the forest'.
She remembered his mischievous grin as he recommended the name and she laughed heartedly, recalling their cabin home in the woods fondly and immediately grasped the innuendo.
"Cheeky bugger."
Silvia it was.
A drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven
You are my heaven
That night Ruby fell asleep easily for the first time in what felt like an age. One arm was tossed carelessly but protectively over her midriff, guarding the growing life there. She dreamed sweet dreams of the life she was going to live with Killian and their child, in their cabin deep in the woods. She adjusted back and forth in mid-sleep, slowly coming to awareness due to that she was too uncomfortable to stay sound asleep. Her nose crinkled annoyed that her peaceful sleep was being disturbed and flung herself into a different position. She became immediately aware that her bed sheets were damp. Snapping awake, she hurriedly flicked her bedside lamp on and flung the sheets off her.
She screamed.
Her sheets and between her legs were stained with blood.
A deal's a deal and you broke yours.