R&R
How can I say this without breaking?
How can I say this without taking over?
How can I put it down into words?
When it's almost too much for my soul alone
It had been a very long time since Ruby had felt this sort of hopelessness. An empty pit deep within her soul where the essence of her life laid, a hollow reminder of the vibrant and vehement woman she used to be.
Ruby's eyes searched the lake, as though she were waiting for Killian to arrive any moment. The ripples of the water grew larger and larger until fading before being born again from another drop of her tears.
At first, when she had seen her blood soaked sheets, she had screamed and screamed in absolute terror, barely noticing when Granny burst into her room. She hardly remembered anything that happened after that. She did, however, remember her midwife telling her that the baby was gone – it appeared as though it had been ripped out of her.
In all honesty, the werewolf was surprised that she hadn't collapsed and cried her eyes out.
She had instead simply nodded solemnly and curled up into herself, dead to the world. Numbness was all she could feel.
Her baby was gone – their little Silvia was dead.
She stayed inside mostly, in the diner serving customers when it was her shift (despite Granny's constant reassurances that it was okay for her not to work for a while) or laying on her bed – occasionally with Belle next to her - helpless to her nagging nightmares.
That was what was truly haunting her; the nightmares.
Sometimes, she was a foetus: small, vulnerable and innocent who would be violently ripped from the womb with a horrific cackling voice. Other times there was a ghost at the foot of her bed that had her tied down by invisible bonds and Ruby could only watch as they held a metal poker over flickering red flames and as she would lie with the dreadful knowledge of the brutal murder that was to be done with her daughter. Sometimes, Killian would finally make it to Storybrooke with his roguish grin only to be unable to look at her again when he learned the price she had paid.
Ruby's bottom lip trembled as her bloodshot eyes roamed the lake, the closest reminder she had of Killian as she clutched her crudely made ruby necklace in her hand, a gift he had given her that had somehow journeyed to this world with her. She almost dreaded his homecoming. How would she ever be able to tell him their little miracle was gone?
Granny left the topic alone, knowing to not even so much as gloss over it, while Belle subtly asked her every day if she needed anything and if she was alright.
The answer was no; she was most certainly not alright.
Fate had once again stepped in, given her everything she wanted, teasing her with the prospect of an ideal and loving future only to rip it back cruelly with her wretched hands. Fate was a heartless bitch and Ruby was slowly getting to the breaking point. More than once had the lake looked appealing to sleep eternally under, and often the allure of taking more sleeping pills than necessary caught her, and even on one occasion did stabbing herself seem tempting.
What had she left to live for?
She knelt to the ground and breathed deeply, trying to rein back the tears. She couldn't break down, not now. Henry and David needed her help, Emma and Mary Margaret needed her help and she'd be damned if after everything they've done for her she would be useless in their time of need. They may not know what she's going through, or need to know, but she was going to be the Ruby that they all loved and needed.
Starting with tonight.
Ruby smiled genuinely at the thought that her friends were coming home soon. When she had heard that the stones that held Fairy Dust had finally been found and harvested, Ruby couldn't have contained her glee even if she'd wanted too. Her family was coming together, and it seemed that the family was growing bigger and bigger and as her hand rested subconsciously on her flat abdomen it bitterly reminded her– it was getting smaller too.
Shaking away her negative thoughts, Ruby stood and gave one last longing glance at the lake that substituted for her ocean, before walking forlornly back to the diner.
I loved, and I loved and I lost you
I loved, and I loved and I lost you
I loved, and I loved and I lost you
When she arrived, all the dwarves and David were already there, cheering and congratulating each other. Granny was behind the counter pouring pints of beer and Ruby rushed to help her. Grabbing a slab, Granny gave her a warning look, as though to tell her to behave or go to her room. The youthful woman ignored her grandmother's silent request and grabbed some full glasses and brought them to the men at the table. She barely mastered her usual smile which most often would have instantly been noticed but their eager and happy vibes left her almost completely ignored other than an off handed 'thanks'.
Ruby preferred it that way.
She spied Belle from the corner of her eye, daintily sipping her iced tea and gave her a slight wave. The two women had been supporting each other the past few weeks, Ruby being the most in need of it, but they had quickly grown attached to the hip. Belle was behaving very delicately around her friend but she worked hard at pretending that all was well and tried to bring Ruby to high spirits. A gesture that was kind but in vain.
She watched over her shoulder as she cleared one of the tables, collecting the money left, and grimaced at everyone's cheerfulness.
The men cheered and clanked their drinks together, toasting to their queen and princess coming home at long last. Ruby almost wished she could join them until she remembered that there was no longer any reason for her not to drink, she almost hid behind the counter to get shit-faced until a voice broke her haze.
"A mouse."
It was Billy.
"What? Where?" Ruby freaked, she jumped so high she briefly thought she'd detached from her skin and almost dropped her tray of dirty dishes.
"No," he chuckled lightly, "I meant me."
Involuntarily, Ruby smiled brightly. Billy was a sweet guy who had done more than his fair share of favors for her and more often with barely a thank you. She had always treated him fairly badly, flirted with him when it suited her and was nasty to him when he wasn't useful. She was mortified to admit she'd taken him to bed once - more so to piss off Granny than anything else. She also admitted to being ashamed of her actions earlier in her cursed hazed behavior but had matured radically after the Kathryn Nolan incident. Someone doesn't just find someone's heart in a box and walk away without a new perspective on everything. She internally promised to be nicer to Billy and not simply use him for his friendly and helping nature.
He smiled with glistened teeth and seemed to shuffle slightly on the spot. He went on a little soliloquy about how he was once a mouse, which confused the werewolf immensely. She smiled politely, although secretly wondering what his point was and if he could just get to it. She glanced glumly at the counter, suddenly feeling very thirty for a nice, dark, burn-on-the-way-down drink.
When he asked her out Ruby started to panic. She opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. Although Ruby was well aware that Killian was her one and only life partner, she often forgot that others knew nothing about him. Her treacherous hand grabbed her empty belly and Ruby stuttered slightly.
"Umm, tonight's actually not great." Or any night really but tonight in particular.
"Oh?"
Her savior came in the shape of Belle, who linked their arms together and told Billy something about a girls night. Ruby couldn't remember anything about a girl's night but somehow played along with it despite her panic induced brain.
"Yes, and I'm bringing the cheese – which has nothing to do with you being a mouse!"
Billy left with a grin and a one-sided promise of a next time when Ruby sighed relieved.
"Thank you."
Belle smiled sympathetically. "I can spot a girl in trouble and that's the last thing you need."
"Thanks, Belle."
Belle smiled, "Since you are supposed to be having a girl's night tonight, want to come to the library with me and we can actually have a girl's night?"
Ruby shook her head violently. "Not tonight."
Belle raised a curious brow. "Ruby… is something the matter?"
Ruby grinned and lied through her teeth, "I just don't feel like going out tonight, that's all."
"Okay," Belle obviously didn't believe her, "if you change your mind I'll be there."
Ruby nodded briskly and walked towards the counter meeting her Granny's eyes, a silent conversation passed them and the older woman nodded before kindly beginning to urge people to leave.
Of course David was too curious for his own good to leave with them and only David would find Granny with a flaming torch and consider it relatively normal.
And it hurts like hell
Yeah, it hurts like hell
Ever since she had woken up that morning in the forest clearing Ruby had a sinking feeling in the pit of her gut. It grew as time passed and by the time they reached the cop car she was sure she was going to hyperventilate or at the very least vomit from the stress of it all.
The car ride over did little to ease her anxiety. David kept glancing at her through the rearview mirror and Granny looked anywhere but at her. Ruby couldn't help twiddling her thumbs and biting her nails, hell, she was just about ready to throw herself out the car and end it all.
Before she could too seriously contemplate that thought, they had arrived at the docks, and far too soon if you asked her.
Ruby stepped out of the car with Granny and David, leaning against the car as they went to investigate. She fiddled with her hair nervously; just because they hadn't found anyone dead or maimed yet doesn't mean they wouldn't eventually. The worst thing about the curse was not remembering, although the werewolf can't say she'd be thrilled to remember tearing Peter to shreds either.
She took a deep, calming breath when a strong scent hit her canine nose.
Was that… blood?
She followed the scent away from the car and towards the dumpster, half praying to find only fish guts and a dead animal at worst. Ruby steeled herself, preparing for anything. Suddenly fearful of what she'd find, she approached slowly and her heart stopped when she spied something hanging out over the dumpster.
A leg that was barely attached to its owner.
A shrill shriek escaped her mouth as she started crying hysterically. She distantly heard Granny and David run towards her and could only imagine their looks of horror when they saw the body – or really half of one. Glancing towards the truck where the scent of blood also lingered Ruby found the upper half of the body and broke into another bout of tears when she spied sweet and caring Billy's face.
"IT WAS THE WOLF!" she screamed, "IT WAS ME!"
She was a monster.
Things thereafter passed as though a blur. She vaguely remembered crying and yelling about killing Billy and David dragging her away as they were drawing an audience. She remembered begging David to lock her up and then being taken to the police station and begging the newly active sheriff to lock her in the cell, which he did so reluctantly.
It was truly touching how David refused to believe that it was Ruby who killed Billy, and was so determined to believe it was someone else no matter what she told him. It touched her to know she had such kind and devoted friends but it also hurt that he was refusing to acknowledge the truth right in front of him – it was the wolf that had attacked, fed and murdered last night – not some deranged psychopath. As much as she would love to be innocent of last night's crime she knew without a shadow of doubt it was her.
She sat in her cell, possibly looking every image of a forlorn puppy than the raving beast she truthfully was, trying to reign in the tears that would inevitably come. David was flittering around his office – Emma's office actually – maybe looking for any hint as to who another suspect could be while trying to convince her she hadn't done anything. Ruby wasn't able to even pretend to believe him.
"Don't worry, I'll find whoever did this."
Before Ruby could respond, another voice sounded, "You have found them."
They both looked towards the doorway and saw an older man saunter in as though he owned the place. Despite the expensive business suit he wore and his crownless bald head Red recognized him immediately. Her back arched up in defense as she gazed at the long believed dead King George – or Spencer as he was called in Storybrooke. Red hadn't forgotten what that horrible man had done to her dearest friends, Snow in particular, and Red was making sure Ruby did something about it because she was just about tempted to tear through the bars and mutilate him. She briefly considered asking David to lock him in the cell with her.
It would be the ultimate battle of the monsters.
They locked eyes momentarily and tension built around them, both instantly disliking the other as though they had actually known each other instead of only hearing of them. Their linked eyes broke and Spencer turned his attentions towards David.
Ruby didn't like him and the more he spoke the more she wondered how a pompous bastard like him became a king anyway. Blood couldn't really be that important. His continued reference to David's birth by the derogatory term 'Shepard' wasn't making the wolf inside her think any higher of him either.
The conversation lingered a little longer than Ruby would have liked, wanting the ex-king gone as quickly as he arrived, and when he left David and she had already come to the same conclusion – she wasn't safe there.
"Ruby, is there anywhere else we can take you for the time being?"
The dark haired woman shook her head solemnly. She knew that the first places anyone would look were at Grannies and Mary Margaret's so they weren't an option and she didn't want to endanger anyone. She had already concluded that she'd likely die that night by an angry mob and there was no way she was even going to hint at David to leave her to her doom. He would not like that and would most likely handcuff her to him putting himself in even more danger.
"Anyone you can trust?" he pressed.
Again, Ruby shook her head.
David seemed to have a sudden epiphany and unlocked her cell, taking her arm and rushing out the door.
"Where are we going?" Ruby asked as they ran.
"To someone we can trust."
I don't want them to know the secrets
I don't want them to know the way I loved you
I don't think they'd understand it, no
I don't think they would accept me, no
Belle smiled when she opened the library door and found Ruby, but it instantly turned into a frown when she spotted David and Granny.
"Not that I don't really mind your Granny coming and no offence David but this is supposed to be a girl's night and you don't exactly qualify but a heads up would have been nice, Ruby."
David's face contorted into bafflement but quickly ignored what she said and launched into asking Belle if Ruby could stay here.
"Of course she can, why wouldn't she?" Belle asked confused.
"No reason, just a misunderstanding among the community-"
"David," Ruby cut him off, "if she's going to agree to this she has to know what she's getting herself into."
The sheriff and her Grandmother looked at her unsure.
"She is, after all, the Dark One's paramour." Granny said a little snottily.
Belle's face twisted into a mean look and went to say something but Ruby cut her off.
"I'm a werewolf." Belle blinked a few times. "Tonight's a full moon and I'm going to change, during that time I need somewhere safe to hide."
Belle nodded, "Okay that should be fine."
They all looked at Belle in surprise.
"You're okay with this?" Granny asked disbelieving.
"Of course. It's not the strangest thing I've heard, you know, me being the 'Dark One's paramour' and all." Belle snidely responded.
The two women had a stare down before David had enough and sprouted orders at Granny to get the restraints.
The look on Belle's face when they'd brought in the shackles was priceless, and Ruby found it amusing how she took the story of Red with a straight face and a comforting smile but looked at shackles like it was an unneeded precaution. Sometimes Ruby forgot how innocent the Dark Ones lover could be, whether it was from being sheltered all her life or just a dangerous optimism she'd never know but as enduring as it often was it was a hindrance tonight.
"Thanks for letting her stay here. The sheriff's station isn't safe." David thanked Belle who smiled in return.
"Of course. It's not every day you find out your friend's a-"
"-A monster?" Ruby guessed making the princess give a disproving frown.
"Hunted. I was going to say hunted."
Granny and David spoke back and forth for a minute before David come to a sudden realization he chose not to share with the others and he left with Granny, leaving the two girls alone.
They stood in silence for a few moments, neither knowing what to say to the other.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Belle asked, almost hurt. "I thought we were friends."
"We are, but no one wants to be friends with a monster."
"You're not a monster, Ruby."
Ruby shook her head. "Then obviously you can't see one when it's staring you in the face."
The werewolf left the room and entered the closed off section of the library, the part that held dusty books and was not open to the public without special permission. Ruby leaned against the stacks and felt tears come to her eyes. Her hands desperately clutched her stomach and mourned the lack of life there; she had failed as a mother before she'd really began to be one. She was convinced she'd failed as a lover to Killian and now she was being hunted down like some sort of animal. She felt useless.
She sank against the stacks and burrowed her head in her hands, bringing her knees to her chest in a feeble attempt to not fall apart.
She hadn't known she was bartering the life of her baby when she'd made the deal to cross worlds. It hadn't even crossed her mind that such an evil deed could take place. Her eyes; yes. Her voice; yes. Her spirit; yes. Her freedom; yes. No control during wolf time; yes. But never did losing her child cross her mind. Looking back, she'd been foolish not to have realized that.
She should have known that when things were finally looking up for her that it would all collapse around her as she scrambled to fix it.
Silvia was gone and she would probably lose Killian too. They were kidding themselves; he would never get to Storybrooke. She'd never hold him in her arms again or kiss him ever again either. She would never be able to proudly present their baby after she gives birth and they wouldn't be able to celebrate together. She'd never sing her daughter to sleep nor would she ever cook with him again and would never even sleep beside him again. All she wanted was to be happy and fate made it her mission to shred her life of all the happiness it's ever received.
She wiped the tears and steeled herself. She only had two options left. Live and be miserable and potentially caged for the rest of her pathetic life, or nearly painlessly die, be free and potentially go to peace – maybe hold her baby angel. The choice, during Ruby's fragile state of mind, was an easy one.
She stood and left the room and as she closed the door, she noticed Belle. In her misery she spoke to her a little more harshly than necessary.
"You need to leave; the moon's going to be up soon."
"Well, will the chains hold?"
"Hopefully." She continued to walk away from Belle, expecting she'd grasp the not so subtle hint to go.
"Then I'm staying." Apparently not. Belle smiled and grasped Ruby's shoulder with an artful smile. "Think of it as girl's night." Ruby had never pegged Belle as suicidal, obviously you never really know someone.
Ruby backed away and Belle gave a cautious smile.
"What's wrong?"
"I know David wants to believe the best but I've killed before and I'll do it again," Ruby grabbed the shackles, "Everyone in this town is right to be afraid of me."
"Well, I'm not."
"You should be!"
"No matter what you might have done in your past, David sees the good in you and that tells me one thing."
"What?" Ruby deadpanned.
"That it's in there. So, if we can all see it why can't you?"
"You really think so?" Ruby's face crumbled slightly, honored that people thought well of her after everything she'd done.
Belle smiled. "Trust me; I'm kind of an expert when it comes to rehabilitation. Plus it doesn't hurt that I took on a Yaoguai and lived to tell the tale."
"Maybe. Maybe your right." She walked forward and shackled the taken aback and slightly betrayed Belle. "But the towns right too. I am a monster and that's why I need to make sure I never hurt anyone ever again."
Innocent people like the loving and devoted Peter, and the kind and caring Billy. Even horrible people like her murderous mother and king George's knights that tried to kill her.
The princess shook her head feverishly, "No, no, Ruby, what are you doing?!"
"I can't let you stop me. The mob wants a wolf and I'm going to give them one. I need to pay for all I've done."
"But they'll kill you!" Belle sobbed and tried to reason.
"Isn't that what I deserve?"
Belle shook her head. "No! You need to hang on and live!"
"What do I have to live for? My baby is dead." Ruby choked.
"You still have Killian, don't you?"
"If he ever arrives." Ruby looked at the ground bleakly.
"Why do you doubt him now? After everything – why doubt him now?" Belle yelled, almost angry for the man she believed she had never met.
Ruby felt traitorous tears stream down her face.
"Because I'll never get my happy ending." She had already learned the hard way that fate would never allow it.
Ruby ignored her friend's hysterical pleas as she fled.
She ran and ran and ran. Ruby had forgotten how strong her senses become when she changes and almost relishes the short run she has. She heads away from the library, trying to get as far away from Belle as possible so the mob don't try and hurt her for helping the werewolf. She owed Belle far too much for that.
She ended up at an alley. She didn't particularly recognize it but it was far enough away for the people she loved to be safe. Bracing herself, she howled as long and loud as she could to draw her attackers. It didn't take long for them to find her and with every step they took the louder their shouts became. The wolf became scared, forcing Ruby to the far recesses of its mind in self-defense.
"There you are." Spencer spoke almost victoriously.
The wolf in Ruby felt like attacking him but Ruby fought with all she was to restrain it; she wasn't here to kill anyone – just the opposite in fact. She forced herself to cower backwards between the steel crates, trying to give herself a sense of security for as long as she possibly could. They continued to approach her and Ruby felt like vomiting – she'd never had a whole mob of people advance towards her. Spencer raised his gun and Ruby clenched her eyes tightly shut. This was it.
As she heard the gun cock, she breathed deeply and thought of the love of her life.
Killian…
Abruptly the crowd started murmuring before shouts of terror followed an explosion, forcing Ruby to the back of the canine's mind and into blackness.
I loved, and I loved and I lost you
I loved, and I loved and I lost you
I loved, and I loved and I lost you
Ruby smiled contentedly, her arms wrapped around the small body in front of her, and her fingers playing with that someone's hair. She felt a familiar hand caressing her side, softly urging her to wake up but she couldn't bear to open her eyes. She heard a deep, throaty chuckle and felt it vibrate through his chest as she rested against him.
"It time to wake up, love."
Ruby groaned slightly but was instantly shushed by the same voice.
"Shh, we don't want to wake her yet."
She turned her head over her shoulder, opened her eyes and stared into the bright ocean blue eyes of her husband. His face had a cheeky smile that made the realization bolt through her like lightening.
She gave a silent laugh of glee and with the help of Killian carefully detangling herself from their small daughter. They almost skipped into the kitchen and began baking a cake for their little girl. It would be a simple vanilla cake with strawberries on top, their daughter would love it. They followed the same routine they did daily, whenever he needed an additional hand she'd offer it and if she needed a taste testing he was her man. Ever since Silvia had been born, he'd taken to not wearing his hook in fear of hurting her but would occasionally wear it when he was cooking as a substitute knife.
They were finished just as the sun started showing its bright beautiful colors.
"Should we wake her?" Killian asked, jumping up and down, looking very excited.
Ruby gave him a slight peck on the cheek. "No, would you appreciate it if someone woke you up before the sun had completely risen on your birthday?"
"Well, it would entirely depend on how I was woken up." He smirked, wagging his eyebrow suggestively.
She smacked him slightly across the chest but her smile was too bright to reduce to even a playful glare.
Killian wrapped his arms around her and Ruby settled in immediately, basking in his warmth. His chin rested atop of her head and his fingers caressed the small of her back. She hummed contentedly and listened to the sound of his steady heartbeat, falling into a very relaxed, almost sleeplike state.
"Can you believe she's already three?"
"No, love, I can't."
Ruby.
"Hmm?" Ruby asked.
"Hmm?" Killian seconded.
Ruby pulled back and looked at him confused.
"You said my name."
Now Killian was confused.
"No, I didn't."
Before they could ponder the oddity, an excited squeal erupted from the other room. Loud thumps of tiny elephant footsteps ran to the kitchen area.
"Mama, Papa!"
The couple smile as they rushed over to their little girl. Killian quickly swooped her up, planting kisses all over her forehead.
"Whose birthday is it today?! Whose birthday is it today?! Whose birthday is it today?!" he chanted.
"Mine, mine, mine!"
Ruby smiled and cooed at her little miracle, and gently took her from Killian's arms.
"Mama, Silvia birthday!"
"Yes, I know it's your birthday today, sweetheart." Ruby spoke enthusiastically to entice the child, while unknowingly to Silvia her Papa had disappeared to hide the cake.
Ruby was engrossed with the half-babble, half-words that left her daughters mouth when Killian returned with three poorly wrapped presents.
"Look what Papa's got!"
Ruby suddenly lost all of Silvia's attention and with a giggle of delight, zoomed across the room and in front of her Papa. She bounced on the tips of her toes, unable to contain her excitement or colossal smile.
Killian placed the gifts down as he winked at Ruby.
"You'll have to tell us which one is your favorite, love." He shot his wife a competitive look.
Bring it on.
The little girl didn't listen to him and simply attacked the wrapping paper.
The first one revealed a make-shift doll that was handcrafted by Ruby herself. Silvia instantly adored it and was fawning all over her newest little doll.
"What's her name?" Ruby asked.
Silvia looked contemplative. "Umm, Yellow!" she said decisively.
The couple smiled in amusement, the doll didn't have any yellow on it at all.
"Do you like it?" Her Mama asked to which Silvia nodded.
Ruby shot her husband a triumphant smirk and Killian shot her one right back.
"Look at this one, little bit."
The doll was instantly forgotten, much to Ruby's annoyance, and the next present was ripped out of his hands.
She ripped the paper off happily and pulled out a small little ruby brooch. She flipped it over in her hands before looking up at Killian.
"What's it?"
Killian looked affronted. "It's a brooch."
Silvia looked at it blankly. "Play?"
"No, no. no, we don't play with it. We put it on our clothes."
She still looked confused. She looked at the brooch, back at the doll and at the brooch again before handing them both to her Papa.
He looked at them blankly, wondering what she wanted him to do with them. She kept making wild gestures between the two objects and was making sounds that were of no language he knew.
Ruby smiled indulgently. "She wants you to put the brooch on the doll."
Killian nodded but looked slightly put out that the brooch he'd lovingly made for his daughter would be for her doll. With one hand he pinned it on with a slightly sullen expression which turned to a glare when he saw Ruby's victorious smile.
He handed her the next one which she also enjoyed ripping apart the wrapping paper for what was inside.
I know you.
"What?" Ruby asked confused.
Killian looked up from their daughter. "I didn't say anything."
Ruby nodded reluctantly but happily allowed herself to be captivated by her lovely daughter.
This time it was a wooden toy ship, one Killian had gone through painstaking measures to ensure it floated.
Silvia squealed excitedly and turned to her Mama to show her. Ruby made a show of being amazed before turning an accusing glare on Killian. He shrugged innocently before pretending to set sail with Silvia. He lifted her in his arms, and they ran around the room with the toy ship in hand.
Despite Ruby's mild exasperation at Silvia's obvious favoritism towards the ship, she couldn't help but laugh along with them.
Through the bouts of joyful laughter Silvia eventually insisted 'Yellow' come with them. Killian picked up the doll, sat it on the ship and they set sail again.
Perhaps Ruby hadn't lost after all.
I know the real you.
There was that voice again, but Ruby knew it wasn't Killian this time. She detached herself from her family and left the room without being noticed. She subtly investigated each room ensuring no one was there to harm her family.
The voice was familiar, and she knew she trusted the owner. It almost sounded like Charming but she knew he was with Snow in their kingdom. She may not have seen them since Queen Regina's execution a couple years ago but they both had children now and travelling wasn't really an option anymore.
She had strange images all of a sudden about another world; a world without magic. She watched as she learned about Silvia and lost her just as soon. As she waited for him to arrive for her in Storybrooke… the mob trying to kill her…
So she was dead. This didn't sadden her as she thought it would. Ruby looked around her cabin home in the woods and tried to find any semblance that everything was real. She received nothing. She gave a gentle smile as she looked towards her small family. Everything she wanted right there in front of her practically wrapped in a pretty bow. She felt tears come to her eyes as she realized she was dead and so was her daughter. Killian was trapped in life without them.
"Red, love?" she heard her husband's voice behind her and turned to him.
He stood at the doorframe looking at her concerned, but he kept a careful eye on Silvia as she played behind him with her new toys.
"Are you alright?"
Ruby gave a slightly watery smile. "I just have a bad feeling."
Killian quickly crossed the room in two strides and clutched her upper arms tightly, desperately. "You're instincts, are they saying there's danger?"
He behaved just like Killian would; reacting with urgency and with a strong determination to protect his family. Ruby felt sick that Killian was going to go through life without her.
Ruby shook her head, "No, it's just a feeling."
Killian still looked tense but a smile from Ruby relieved him slightly.
"Let's go enjoy our daughter's birth-" Ruby choked a little, "-day. Let's not think about sad things, right now, okay?"
Killian looked unsure but Ruby's stern glare settled him enough to leave the room with his wife. But even Silvia noticed her was on edge after that; on guard almost.
I know that you can control the wolf.
There he was again. David, not quite Charming but close enough.
Comprehension slowly started to dawn.
She sat down on the floor next to her deceased daughter and held her tightly. She felt her daughter for the first time and Ruby found she didn't care that it was just an illusion. Silvia started squirming when her Mama's hold restricted her playing and Ruby reluctantly let her go.
Killian brought her up to sit on his lap and whispered in her ear, "What's going on, love?"
She looked at him gloomily. "I don't know."
He held onto her but spoke urgently. "Red, please, how can I protect you when I don't know from what?"
Ruby smiled, "Just hold me and everything will be fine."
She could almost hear his mental snort of disbelief but he still held her closer to him and she cherished what little time she had left with him.
Ruby.
She managed to overcome her sadness and enjoy her daughter's birthday; it would be the only one she would ever get to celebrate after all. They sung silly little songs; they danced around the house and even went to a nearby stream to test the boat – which was deemed her favorite gift. When dinner time came, they all sat around and ate their food, which was one of the few times Killian wore his hook, and just behaved like senseless little children. All through dinner, like tradition, Ruby held Killian's his stump tenderly and ate with the other. Occasionally he'd bring her hand to his lips and place a soft kiss there which she returned with a beaming smile or a kiss to his own.
Ruby felt like she was choking the entire time but years of schooling her expression left a happy wife and mother in place.
Cake time came around far too soon and Silvia's eyes almost bugged out of her head when she noticed it. She dug in happily and even had a second piece but was refused a third. They stayed up a little later than usual but when little Silvia's eyes started drooping they insisted it was bedtime. Killian carried his precious treasure to her bedroom and after a very fun-filled, action-filled, and much censored bedtime story, Silvia fell asleep.
Killian left Silvia's bedroom and found Ruby sitting on the living room lounger, looking into the fire almost longingly. Killian knelt on the floor before her and took both her hands in his one.
Ruby.
"Why do I feel like I'm losing you?"
Ruby sniffed and shook her head.
"You aren't." she insisted.
"Red, what's going on?"
"I don't know."
It had taken Ruby awhile but she had eventually figured it out. She wasn't dead; the mob hadn't hunted her down and slain her. The wolf had taken over and was fighting for her because she was in no state to do so and she could somehow hear his voice through her subconscious. She knew she had to leave.
"I have to go."
Killian's face was steely but Ruby could see the hidden heartbreak behind it.
"Why?"
"I'm not leaving you, Killian, I never will. Physically I may not be with you but in every other way I am with you. But you're not Killian, you're just some figment of my imagination that's taunting me and I have to go because he's looking for me and he won't find me if I'm here." Seeing his expression baffled and slightly distraught Ruby went on sternly, "I'm yours, Killian, and you are mine. We will have this life. I won't settle for anything less!"
Killian moved his hand to her cheek and caressed it.
"I suppose I'm looking for you then."
Ruby nodded.
"Well, you had better leave then so I can find you."
Ruby had tears flowing down her cheeks, "I love you, Killian."
Killian rested his head against hers, "And I love you, Red."
It's me. David.
She needed to wake up. Her mate needed her back home.
She pressed her lips against his desperately and it was impossible to know whose tears were whose as they mingled together. As they broke apart his forehead rested on hers.
He clutched her tightly and spoke fervently, "I will find you."
"I'll be waiting."
The wolf then took a step back and allowed Ruby forward.
And it hurts like hell
Yeah, it hurts like hell
In her wolf form Ruby immediately pulled back from David, displaying that she was no threat and that Ruby was in control. He quickly threw her cloak over her and Ruby enjoyed its familiar weight.
She breathed heavily as she adjusted to the transformation and David stayed making sure she was alright.
"You saved me." She told him, in slight disbelief.
He helped her up and he smiled at her. "No, you saved yourself. I just reminded you of what you already knew."
They shared a somewhat teary grin before the shocked exclaims from the crowd drew away their attention. They rushed forward to see what was wrong when Ruby saw her Granny on the ground having difficulties getting up.
"What happened? Where's Spencer?" he asked as he helped her up.
"He's gone. Go."
Ruby clutched onto her Granny's shoulders and silently asked if she was okay. Her Granny gave her a stern look and glanced towards David, the implication clear; follow him.
So she did, hopping into the cop car they drove after Spencer sirens blaring.
They found him at the outskirts of town near the forest, a small bonfire before him.
The approached him from behind and Ruby was looking forward to her chance at giving him just a piece of the hell he gave Snow and Charming.
"You think you can hide from a wolf?" she taunted slightly.
"I wasn't trying to hide." He said calmly and Ruby was suddenly suspicious that he had something planned. Glancing around her, she saw no evidence of a trap.
"You killed an innocent man." David accused.
"He was a mouse." Spencer spoke disinterestedly as though the answer was obvious and that the mouse didn't deserve the respect to be mourned.
Ruby was disgusted at the ex-kings behavior and his words hurt her more than she'd like to admit. She remembered Billy, who was always friendly and helpful, never had a bad word to say about anyone. She remembered the man who fixed her tires and expected nothing in return and would always talk to her like an equal instead of a rebellious teenager.
"He was better then you'll ever be."
"You want to make a deal? Not going to happen." David told him resolutely.
"I'm not interested in making a deal." Spencer told him, "I just want to see the look on your face when you realize something."
"And what's that?"
"That you're never going to see your wife or your daughter again."
"What're you talking about?"
"You really should be more cautious of something so valuable." He warned mockingly before revealing the Hatters hat and tossing it into the bonfire.
"NO!" David roared, rushing for it.
Ruby barely restrained him in time. Spencer was ranting a small monologue in the background as Ruby and David stared into the flames, both losing a way to reunite with their families. David spun around and punched Spencer mid rant and Ruby didn't bother trying to stop him this time but when David drew his gun she had to speak up.
"David, don't!"
His hands shook and he had tears streaming down his face but all he could do was point the gun at the chuckling Spencer.
"I told you," he said, "You should have killed me when you had the chance."
David lowered the gun and turned to the bonfire, silently crying.
All they could do was watch the flames eat their last hope.
Dreams fight with machines
Inside my head like adversaries
Come wrestle me free
Clean from the war
Your heart fits like a key
Into the lock on the wall
After Spencer had been taken to the station and locked up, Ruby and David drove towards Mary Margaret and Emma's house, which had really become David's and Henry's house now. The car was silent and full of tension.
"I just lost my wife and daughter." He told her.
Ruby didn't know what to say.
"When you lost Peter…" he started, speaking gently due to the subjects' delicate nature, "how did you carry on?"
Ruby almost replied with Snow, but realized just how much that would hurt him, being reminded of his wife. "I had Granny."
David nodded. "I have Henry still."
"Yes, you have your grandson."
The silence impregnated the air again and David move towards another topic, one worse for Ruby then he imagined.
"I lost my daughter." He choked.
Ruby swallowed heavily. "I know."
"I barely even knew her. She was right there, in plain sight and I didn't even realize and the second I found out about her I lost her again."
Ruby felt her lower lip tremble, her hand sneaking towards her empty belly. "I know." He had no idea how much she knew, how much she could understand and relate.
"How can you know?" David demanded furiously. "Did you lose your daughter? Did you lose your wife?"
Ruby's jaw clenched but she refused to yell at David, not when he was in such a state. He needed someone who was there for him, someone who could relate.
"No I didn't lose a wife," Ruby told him. "But I did lose my husband and my daughter."
She saw David freeze from the corner of her eyes and he almost swerved off the road. He quickly righted himself and pulled over, turning to face her.
"What?" He asked mystified, "You don't have a husband or daughter, Ruby. You never have."
Ruby chuckled. "He might technically not be my husband but he was in every way that counted. During wolfs time I lost control and I attacked him, luckily the sun rose before I killed him. I took him with me and I nursed him back to health. We fell in love. We lived in my little cabin in the woods for a year." She recalled fondly.
She saw David's look of complete disbelief.
"Why didn't Snow tell me this?"
Ruby prepared for the onslaught of questions. "That's because she didn't know."
His head snapped up. "What?! Why wouldn't you tell her this?!"
"Because I was afraid she wouldn't like him. Granny didn't."
David shook his head. "Snow would have loved anyone you loved. Did Granny know about this?"
"She was the only one."
That information made David feel a little bit better. He breathed a deep breath and broached asked the question he was dying to ask. "And your daughter?"
"Killian and I were together for a long time. When we received word, that Snow was pregnant and so soon after your marriage we believed that a child wasn't an option for us. Then I found out about Silvia." Ruby smiled. "Our little miracle. You should have seen his face when he found out!" she laughed. "Complete shock yet I've never seen him so happy."
"It sounds like he loved you."
Ruby nodded. "Yes, and I love him."
"What happened to them?" he asked cautiously.
"I made a deal." She saw him bristle. "And I didn't know the price."
"Rumpelstiltskin did this?!" David was incensed, ready to drive to the pawn shop immediately.
"What? No! It wasn't him, it was someone else."
"You should know to never make a deal!"
"Of course I knew! I just had to do it but I wouldn't have done it if I had known it would cost me my daughter's life!" she yelled.
"And your husband?"
"He didn't come with the curse, I've looked everywhere!"
"… Could he be dead?"
"No, if he was I'd know it." She didn't want to give him reason to seek out Bernadette, so she left bits out.
"How long ago did all this happen?" he wondered not really expecting an answer.
"I lost Killian with the curse and I lost Silvia over a week ago."
David's jaw dropped. "What?! I've never seen you with a child and she died a week ago?! Ruby, what?!" he had no idea what to think anymore.
"That's because she wasn't a child. In this world I technically had a miscarriage even though I know she was ripped out from inside of me by magic."
They sat in silence for a few minutes while he processed the information.
"Jesus Christ. How can you live and smile despite this."
Ruby gave a half shrug. "I haven't been. I can't tell you how many times I've nearly done something stupid because of the pain I'm in but I have something keeping me here."
"What?"
She smiled. "The hope that he will come and find me."
David looked up at her and hesitantly smiled. "You think it's possible to come over from the other side?"
"Why not? After all, the door swings both ways."
I turn it
I turn it
They looked over Henry's sleeping form and David was looking at him in complete despair.
"He may never see his mother or grandmother again. How am I going to break that news to him?"
"You won't have to." Ruby told him.
"Travel between worlds is as hard as it comes. Fairy dust on its own isn't enough… it took an entire curse to get us here in the first place and without the hat…"
Ruby cut him off before he fell back into a depression. "You'll find another way, or they'll come to you."
"You don't know that." David said despondently.
"But I know you and I know you'll never give up until you do… And David, you're not going to be doing this alone."
"Thank you."
They smiled at each other until a thought struck Ruby so hard she actually flinched.
"Do you mind giving Granny a call?" she asked while walking towards the front door
"Sure, why? What for?"
"I may have left Belle chained up in the library so someone should probably-" David cut her off.
"Unchain her?" David looked somewhat amused.
"Yeah."
"Yeah, I'll take care of it."
She smiled her gratitude and opened the door.
"Where are you going?"
"I've still got a few hours of wolfs time left. You've helped me regain control. I want to do something I haven't done in a very long time." She took off her cloak and tossed it towards him.
"What's that?"
With a large beaming smile Ruby exclaimed, "Run!"
But I can't escape
The next day brought Ruby to the library with an iced tea as an apology for Belle. The princess glared at her for a minute before taking the iced tea and setting it down before hugging Ruby.
"Do you have any idea how worried out of my mind I was? You left me here for hours believing the worst had happened and the best you can bring me is iced tea?"
"I'm sorry but I thought it was what I deserved."
Belle pulled back and looked at her intently, putting her hands on the werewolf's shoulders and said, "No one deserves to be butchered like you would have been."
"Well, I didn't exactly have anything to live for."
Belle's brows furrowed. "But you do now?"
Ruby took Belle's hand and sat them down on the sofa used often for story telling between them.
"When I was in my wolf form, my canine instincts must have taken over and suppressed me. I ended up in some kind of hallucinated alternate reality. A life where the curse didn't exist and we had our baby and got married and just lived. I saw that and I want it. Silvia-"Ruby's voice cracked a bit, "wouldn't be with us but she would be remembered and eternally loved. I just want to be happy, Belle."
Belle wrapped her arms around Ruby's shoulders and let her weep. They both mourned the child they had been excited to meet but would never hold. They mourned the little scenarios they had painted with their words and the laughs and hopes they brought. They mourned of a little girl who didn't even know how loved she really was. Minutes passed before Ruby composed herself and Belle stood up.
"I need you to stay here while I make a quick phone call." She spoke in the same tone as when they discovered Ruby's pregnancy.
"Belle," the wolf asked suspiciously, "What are you up to?"
But Belle had already disappeared behind the reception desk and was speaking on the phone in hushed tones even Ruby couldn't hear. The conversation quickly ended in what appeared to be a very hostile Belle who sauntered back over to the couch. She grabbed Ruby's hand and yanked her up and rushed over to the exit.
"God does that man frustrate me!"
"Who?"
I turn it over
I turn it over
They burst unceremoniously into Mr. Gold's shop.
"Rumpel!" Belle shrieked, causing even Ruby to flinch.
Who knew the librarian had such a pack of lungs?
Not hearing a response, Ruby was dragged into the back room where she had never dared go before. There, Mr. Gold was sitting at a spinning wheel, looking anywhere but at Belle.
"What was that?!" she exclaimed.
"Oh, yes, Belle, it is indeed lovely to see you too. How kind of you to drop by, let me put on a cup of tea for you before you lecture me to death about things you don't know anything about." Obviously Belle wasn't the only one with their panties in a twist.
"What was that?!" Belle repeated, louder than before.
"What was what, Belle? You'll need to be a tad bit more specific."
She made a sound of annoyance but managed to speak calmly through gritted teeth, "Our phone conversation."
"Oh yes, that. Well, it was exactly how I said it. I cannot and will not interfere."
"Not even for my friend?"
"Not even for me, dearie. Strict protocol when it comes to contracts I'm afraid. I'm not allowed to get involved."
"She lost everything. The very least she should have is her daughter."
Ruby's ears perked at this but opted to remain silent just in case her saying anything ruined any hope she and Belle had.
"I cannot alter a contract, Belle." He told her exasperated, "That's the point of a contract. It is between two people and it is signed upon, breaking a contract isn't as easy as breaking a deal where ones word is all they've got."
Silence passed between them before Belle's eyes watered slightly with unshed tears.
"Help her, please. I know you can." She begged.
Ruby could see the beasts eyes soften as he watched Belle's heartbreak; she could see the ineptness in his eyes.
"A contract is a contract. It's different from deals. I can't intervene when contracts are involved." He told her again, more gently this time.
The beauty's eyes hardened. "And if it were Bae?"
Ruby was amazed at how quickly his expression changed; it went from sadly resolved to terrifyingly distraught. She didn't know who Bae was but if it could give Ruby her daughter back, she'd milk him for all he was worth.
"Bae's a different story." His resolve seemed less iron clad.
"What makes the stories so different?"
Mr. Gold looked at Ruby with something akin to sympathy. His eyes searched hers and Ruby looked pleadingly back,
He sighed purposefully. "I'll help you."
The girls smiled.
"But first, I need to see this contract. Let's visit an unpleasant witch, shall we?"
I loved, and I loved and I lost you
I loved, and I loved and I lost you
I loved, and I loved and I lost you
Bernadette was less than thrilled at the arrival of her three uninvited guests.
"Rumpelstiltskin." She greeted callously.
"Ursula, always a pleasure." He returned politely before impolitely walking in uninvited.
They all followed him in and stood in the hallway.
"What do I have to do to get rid of you?"
"Still bitter after all this time are we, dearie?" Mr. Gold taunted.
The Witch remained silent, but Belle voiced her curiosity.
"Bitter?"
He gladly explained. "Ursula petitioned to be a pupil of mine but I rejected her in favour of a young heartbroken girl who had the world before her."
Bernadette's eyes narrowed further. "Now that we've been down memory lane, what do you want?"
"Miss Red's contract if you'd please."
"Uh-uh, no way, not happening. It's a contract, Gold. Not even you can do anything."
"Well, this is very true but I would like to see it all the same." He smiled serenely. "You have my word I won't run off with it, not that I'd get very far, mind you." He slightly smacked his cane against his bum leg.
"Now, if you please." he held out his hand and she reluctantly handed over the contract.
Mr. Gold's eyes scanned the paper quickly and thoroughly as everyone waited with baited breath. Ruby was biting her nails praying to anyone with power that Gold would find a loophole. Mr. Gold's face grew grimmer and grimmer with every word he read before an impish grin split his face wide open.
"Ah, Ursula. How proud I am to say you were never my pupil. No acolyte of mine would have ever made such a folly."
Both girls' hearts started beating faster with hope and even Bernadette's breath seemed to hitch with anxiety.
"How do you mean?"
The antiquities dealer held up the contract and pointed at the very bottom of the contract.
"Here, it is signed; Ruby Lucas."
They all exchanged looks of confusion but Mr. Gold's grin simply grew wider.
"That's not her real name. Her birth name is not Ruby Lucas therefore the contract is invalid."
The contract burst into flames in his hands as the sea witch screeched. Belle cheered slightly and gave him a kiss on the cheek and Ruby felt an abrupt flutter within her abdomen. Instantly clutching her stomach, she can instinctively feel the life beneath her fingers and tears of absolute joy sprung from her eyes. Silvia was alive and was back where she belonged; with her Mama.
She was wrapped in Belle's arms immediately and the princess' eyes went comically wide.
"Wow, you suddenly grew."
Indeed Ruby had the slightest hint of a baby bump which her formfitting clothes emphasised. It could have just as easily been dismissed as a large lunch. Placing their hands on her belly they both made baby noises to Silvia who must have heard them because she shifted inside Ruby, which felt incredibly strange after going for what felt like so long without it.
Ruby's smile was the most genuine it had been in weeks.
She walked over to Mr. Gold and held her hand out for him to shake.
"Thank you." She breathed to him with genuine gratitude mixed with her voice.
Mr. Gold's mouth fell into an 'o' shape of slight astonishment. Obviously he wasn't thanked often and not sincerely. He took her hand in both of his and simply patted it.
"You are most welcome, Miss Red."
Just as they were about to leave Mr. Gold noticed Bernadette's very aggressive expression. Handing Belle, a hundred dollar note, he told them to go to the diner and to have whatever they wanted. Too thrilled and excited to recognize his deadly expression, the two girls tore off towards the diner to tell Granny.
…And then there were two.
Rumpelstiltskin turned to his denied pupil.
"I wouldn't do whatever it is you are planning." His voice was deceptively neutral.
The witch looked at him disinterestedly. "Oh?"
With a flourish of his hand an empty jar appeared in it which caused her to flinch under his scrutiny. He held it aloft and peered into it curiously. It held traces of some strange residue, a mixture of transparent pink and red fluids.
"...not unless you what that to become public knowledge. Imagine the mob that would come for you; worse and far more vicious than Miss Red's would have been I'd predict. And we all know how well I predict things."
Bernadette sneered. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Your teacher was a sick woman, one even I wouldn't associate with. It would appear that along with passing on her knowledge to you, she passed on her particular love for a younglings flesh."
He walked forward and held the jar towards her. As she went to grab it, he plucked it back out of her reach causing her to twitch violently. She glared murder at him. but barely manage to restrain herself.
She was no match for Rumpelstiltskin and they both knew it.
"To be able to keep a foetus alive outside of the womb and in a jar is miraculous. To increase its growth rate is a commodity in itself but what you use it for is an abomination. I don't think Red would have paid kindly to you raising her child only to eat it… Nor would the rest of the town."
He saw threatened tears fall down the blind witches apprentices face as she chokingly asked.
"What do you want?"
"Leave Belle, Red and her child alone. If I ever hear you've gone near them again..." The jar exploded in his hands making Bernadette freeze in terror. "I'll make you wish you were never born."
As she fell to the floor in a heap of blubbering sobs of assurances she would stay away from them, Mr. Gold walked away very satisfied with himself.
Ruby truly was the luckiest girl. She had her daughter back and the love of her life was trying to find her. Thank every deity possible that Rumpelstiltskin was still in the dark about whom the father really was or else this may have turned out very differently.
And it hurts like hell
Standing before her mirror Ruby slowly lifted her shirt and beamed with pride. There was the slightest swell of her stomach that revealed the life of her unborn child. Sure, there were suddenly the beginnings of stretch marks blemishing her skin that she was certain weren't there this morning and they may have made her feel slightly ugly but as she cradled the bump protectively she couldn't help but smile.
With her belly once again full with her child, Ruby felt something that she hadn't felt in a long time.
Hope.
In another world, far and farther away in a land full of magic, a man awoke with a start and had tears in his eyes. The image of that little girl was burned in his brain and the woman he had held in his arms still left him warm inside. He didn't know all the details and there were only flashes here and there but he knew without a shadow of doubt what he'd seen; his lover and their daughter. He wiped his eyes and held a determined expression. He was not going to let that life pass him by.
And Killian Jones always fights for what he wants.
A/N: Hey guys, sorry for the seriously delayed update. I was hoping to deviate between Ruby and Killian each chapter but considering 'Child of the Moon' was solely Red without any mention of Captain Hook and then the two week break, I decided to simply do Ruby's POV. Also, please welcome my nephew Declan into the world; he took up quite a bit of my time. Again, sorry for the delay and also keep in mind that each chapter is lengthy and I do have a life so it'll take a while for me to write them. As of right now I have no plans to abandon the story and as it was originally a one-shot I simply write whenever it suits me – as heartless as some of you may think it is. Next will be Killian's POV. Also, any song suggestions are appreciated and will be considered :D Thank you all so much for your reviews and leave more, but c'mon, you all seriously thought I'd kill Silvia? That's heartless even for me.
Have A Good One!
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