Chapter 8: Shadows & Truth

"We need to talk."

The Grandfather clock ticked. The fire crackled. James shifted in his chair. He was wearing a robe with emblem of the Nimbus Quidditch Supply Company sewed on the front. His eyes were firmly fixed on Sirius as James tried to figure out where he wanted to begin.

Sirius was as still as a statue, shoulders in and muscles tense. He wore a red long-sleeved shirt with Gryffindor across the chest in faded block letters. He must have thought James was waiting for him to speak first because he suddenly launched into an apology. "I was an idiot - I'm sorry. I was the most awful prat imaginable. I – I don't know what made me tell Snape –but – I did. And-"

"Why are you here?" James interrupted.

Sirius looked taken aback by his question. "I didn't mean…I was just looking for a place to rest and I fell asleep…I was planning to leave before anyone knew I was even there, but your parents found me…"

James already knew that and it wasn't hard to believe that his parents had convinced Sirius to stay. His parents would take Snivellus in if he showed up at their doorstep. "I meant, why did you run away? You did run away?"

Sirius nodded.

James considered this bit of news before stating, "I can't believe it. I know you've always talked about it, but-"

"I know. I wasn't serious about it half the time I mentioned it." There was a beat of silence and then Sirius said, "I was supposed to meet Voldemort on the day I showed up here."

"Voldemort? In person?"

"In person."

A shiver ran up James's body as he waited for Sirius to elaborate. They both stared into the fire, watching the flames jump into an array of colors.

It took a few moments for Sirius to find his voice, and when he did, he spoke carefully; his tone telling. "You know how they've been on me to join up with him. Or at least publicly declare that I agree with his stance on blood?"

James nodded; uneasy. He didn't like where the story was heading. Only he out of the Marauders knew about Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix approaching Sirius about all this.

Sirius squeezed his hands together, wringing them. "And this was all before I was sixteen…"

"That's right. You turned sixteen. I never even wished you a Happy Birthday."

"Don't worry about it. I didn't expect you to," Sirius said flippantly, as if he didn't deserve his birthday to even be acknowledged. James opened his mouth to disagree. He wanted to tell Sirius he still had his present all wrapped up in his trunk at Hogwarts, but Sirius didn't give him a chance.

"My parents realized this was their best chance to convert me. I'd just turned sixteen... and they knew I'd fallen out with you…"

"They knew we were fighting?" James questioned. He imagined that must have thrilled the Blacks.

Sirius sighed. "Regulus told them."

"Sneaky little git."

Sirius's expression flitted briefly into a smile. "Right, well they seized on the opportunity. They thought I wouldn't fight it when I had no one to turn to for help. And it almost worked, James. Do you realize how close I was to meeting Voldemort? How close I was to fulfilling the destiny I'd been fighting? Only hours before I was to meet him did the idea of running away even cross my mind. Hours." Sirius's voice broke slightly with the last word.

"You didn't though."

"You'd never have gotten that close. Remus wouldn't. A good person wouldn't." His voice still sounded thick. James could hear him breathing in and out determinedly, trying to regain composure.

"None of us have a family like yours. Who knows if any of us would have been able to stand up to them like you have…"

Sirius didn't look convinced, but he continued on, his voice steady again. "My father must have suspected I'd get cold feet. As usual they'd confiscated my wand, and he caught me trying to get it back. The strange thing is he gave it back to me. He saw I was running away, and he handed it back to me. Then, he gave me a choice; I was either to join Voldemort or be disowned. So, I left."

"And when did that happen?" James nodded toward Sirius's bandaged hand.

Sirius glanced down at his hands, his palms facing upwards. "First I touched a cursed door knob. Burned skin right off my hand. The cut was from my dear Mother. She said something insane like how I didn't deserve the pure blood that ran through my veins, and cut me, using some kind of curse." Sirius brought his gaze back up, his eyes moved to James and then he was back to staring into the fire. "She didn't agree with my father about giving me a choice. If it had been her decision, I would have been forced to join – tied up and thrown at Voldemort's feet."

James inhaled sharply. "Would Voldemort have taken you like that?"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe he would have taken the chance. He could always order my death if I wasn't properly subservient. The fear that would instill in the old families for their precious progeny would make my death worthwhile in it of itself."

James honestly did not know what to say to that. He ran a hand through his hair. Sirius had only narrowly escaped the Black's plans for him, and it could have easily gone the other way. He supposed he should have seen the seriousness in the situation after Sirius had first told him about it. Except they hadn't even sat their OWLs, so what use could they be to the War? It had been easy to agree with Sirius when he brushed it off as an annoyance.

"If you want me to leave, I will."

James was startled out of his thoughts. It took a second for James to realize that while his mind had been whizzing about Sirius had misinterpreted the silence. He shot Sirius a look, but Sirius did not notice as he was staring down, picking absentmindedly at the bandage on his right hand.

"I'm not going to kick you out if you have nowhere to go," James said seriously. Sirius jerked his head up. "You don't have anywhere to go, do you?" Those words came out a bit more bluntly than James intended.

"Maybe Andromeda's…if I begged…" Sirius answered with a shrug of the shoulders

"I think begging would only work if you were in dog form," James said with a grin.

Sirius smiled hesitantly.

"I didn't mean what I said…about you being as bad as your family," James said guessing that it was one of the things bothering his friend. "I should have never said that."

"Compared to what I did? Don't beat yourself over the head about it," Sirius mumbled.

"I mean it, Sirius." James stood and took a seat down next to Sirius. He put a hand on Sirius's shoulder. Sirius met his eyes. "You aren't anything like them. You would have never run if you were."

Sirius shook his head. James continued; he needed Sirius to understand this. "Look, you made a mistake. You betrayed a secret – an oath – that you promised to keep. And you didn't think of the consequences – for Snape, for yourself, and for Remus."

Sirius met his eyes again briefly. "James - I know."

"Remus is really hurt, and I don't blame him. And I won't force him to forgive you."

"I'd never ask you to."

James rubbed his forehead tiredly. "I still don't get why you told him."

Sirius frowned, taking a moment to think over his next words. "I don't have a good excuse. Honestly. I try to think back and…and I don't know…" Sirius sighed loudly. "I had just seen my mother…"

"Why was your mother there?" James questioned, suddenly remembering that he'd never inquired further about that.

"Didn't I tell you Keenan invited her?"

"You did." James only knew two things about the meeting; Keenan had been the one to invite her and Sirius had not told Dumbledore. He was curious to both why the meeting had been called and what had gone on. "Was there a reason for Professor Keenan to call her in? She must have been quite livid."

"Quite," Sirius affirmed. "Keenan was hoping to mend our declining relationship as mother and son…as you can see that worked splendidly."

James snorted.

Sirius's eyes flickered with amusement though his tone stayed earnest. "It was then that I ran into Snape, of course. I think he was following me. Then he began alluding to absences, full moons, and the Whomping Willow. He said he already knew about Remus...and next he was going to catch us out of bounds-"

"You really believe Snape knew all that?" Sirius had said so in Dumbledore's office, but as with the topic of his mother's visit to Hogwarts, they had never fully spoken about it.

"You heard him that day yourself...babbling about our monthly nightly meetings."

"He was suspicious," James agreed. "He's been for a while."

"All he needed was proof."

"And giving it to him on a silver platter would have solved matters how?"

Sirius only cringed slightly at the sudden coolness of James's words. After all, it was a valid and completely reasonable question. James raised his eyebrows waiting for Sirius to comment.

"I wanted him gone."

"Gone?" James echoed, a funny feeling erupting in his stomach.

"Not - not like that. Not through Remus. Just gone. Out of our hair! To leave us alone – leave Remus alone." Sirius made an exasperated noise. "He's a coward! He wasn't supposed actually go into the tunnel. He was supposed to be too scared!"

"He's not though. Snape's not a coward."

"He was only going to leave us alone if he feared us!"

"Mission accomplished," James said dryly. "He thinks we all tried to murder him."

"I wasn't thinking." He looked miserable. Then as if mostly talking to himself, he added, "I sometimes wonder...Did I want Snape to go down the tunnel? I don't know even know. I think back...and I don't know what I wanted. It's all a mess in my head."

A suppressing silence enveloped the friends. James was trying to think of what to say next. Sirius's actions were wrong, but it hadn't happened in a vacuum. The terrible night was a culmination of all the years of mutual dislike between Snape and the Marauders. The fuse had already been doused with fuel when Sirius provided the spark. James needed Sirius to see that.

"He did have a choice though."

Sirius glanced at him, perplexed.

"It matters that Snape had that choice. You didn't force him down there. You could have lied about how to freeze the Whomping Willow causing serious bodily harm to him. And you didn't."

"You don't have to do that," Sirius muttered catching on to where James was going.

"I'm not downplaying what you did. After the detentions are finished, after your probation is lifted, it will be over for you, but not for Remus. He has to spend the rest of Hogwarts with that threat hanging over him."

"Dumbledore swore him to secrecy."

"Just like you swore to keep Remus's secret?"

"Point taken," Sirius said, color rising on his face. "I'm not – I'm not proud of what I did." Sirius started juggling his knee and fidgeting with the bandage around his hand. After another few moments of silence, "So, what now?"

"I'm not the only one you have to apologize to."

"Right. I know. Do you think he let me?"

"I'll do my best to convince him to hear you out...when he's ready."

"Have you told Remus and Peter I am here?"

"No. Not yet." James too tried to make his reply sound offhand. In truth he had been debating about sending a letter to Remus and Peter, and he wasn't quite sure why he hadn't. "Look you're going to have to be patient. You'll need to give him time."

"He was furious enough to suggest sending me home and he knows how much I hate it there."

"Wait? You spoke to him after the Hospital Wing? When?" He had been under the impression his two friends had not exchanged words since that awful morning.

"One night in the common room," Sirius said looking a bit sheepish. "I was trying to get a reaction from him – any reaction...even if it involved shouting. A punch in the face would have been progress...Anyway, that's when he told me it was his suggestion."

"He was lying. He was surprised as I was. I swear it."

"Oh?"

"He'd never do that, Sirius. No matter how angry he was at you." Even as James said a feeling of doubt crept in. Two weeks ago, he would have insisted that Sirius would never have betrayed Remus. He'd been wrong then...and even though he knew Remus hadn't suggested it, wasn't it awful of him to make Sirius believe it? He hated this fighting among his friends...forced to pick sides when he cared for them both. He felt a surge of anger at Snivellus. This was all Snape's fault, for being noisy, for stalking Remus, for listening to Sirius, for-

"Right. So, it was all Dumbledore?" Sirius looked pensive.

James focused his thoughts away from his most hated enemy and back onto his best friend (and yes sometime during the conversation, without realizing it, he'd gone back to thinking of Sirius as his best mate). "Remus didn't think it meant anything. He said Dumbledore was simply taking away all your privileges, including that one."

Sirius nodded. "I never properly thanked you for going after Snape. If you hadn't stepped in-"

"You just did," James interjected. "And you're welcome."

Sirius's mouth was slightly open in surprise at being interrupted. They both knew three (four if James had been caught in the crossfire) lives would have been ruined if the werewolf had gotten to Snape. He did not need to hear more; he had already forgiven Sirius.

Sirius let out a deep breath. He looked less troubled, his eyes brighter, and that was remarkable all in itself seeing as he was still a disinherited runaway. It was good they had talked. Without his family Sirius would need his friends now more than ever. And James knew Sirius didn't need just him, but Peter and Remus. They were strongest together. So, an idea popped into his head. "You should write them."

"Write who?"

"Remus and Peter. If they haven't heard the rumors, I'm sure they'll like to hear it first from you. Let them know you're safe. Show them you still consider them friends. Okay?"

Sirius agreed reluctantly. After locating a quill and parchment for Sirius, James went upstairs to fetch his owl. Upon return James found Sirius staring down at two blank sheets of paper. James nodded encouragingly when Sirius looked up. Quickly Sirius scrawled out the same message on two separate sheets.

James tied the messages to the owl. He walked out of the room and made his way down a few hallways through two rooms to get to one of the exits to their backyard. He yanked the door open and sent Archer off into the air. He watched his owl disappear into the clear blue sky.

Remus and Peter were sitting cross-legged on Remus's bed. His room was small, cozy, and very much reflected his personality. A Gryffindor banner, Quidditch poster and two with fearsome dragons hung on his walls. The year's lunar cycle was tacked on the door to his closet. The room was fairly tidy except for his bookshelf that was crammed with books. There were storybooks that he loved as a child, novels he now read, and loads on Magical Beasts and Creatures. There were also a variety of spell and charm books; while not required for classes, they were helpful in the aide of mischief.

He'd planned to spend winter break in solitude feeling sorry for himself. Give himself time to bottle up all his feeling so he could face Sirius Black head-on without falling apart. However, Peter's overly protective mother had contacted his mother directly asking if Peter could stay over while she was out of town for two days. If Peter had asked him, Remus would have made up an excuse without involving their parents. Peter was fifteen, not eleven; so he could survive on his own for a day or two. But his mother thinking he'd readily agree, had accepted without speaking to him first.

So, he was stuck with Peter as his guest. An easy guest that offered to help clean up after meals and didn't mind spending hours doing nothing, but still someone Remus needed to entertain. As it turned out (and it wasn't until much later that Remus was willing to admit it), Peter's company was exactly what he needed. Helping remind Remus that he still had good friends, and people he could trust.

It was the morning of Peter's last day staying over. They'd been lazing about and brainstorming how to spend the afternoon when there was a loud pecking sound at the window. The sound had startled Peter so greatly that he nearly toppled off the bed.

"Just an owl," Remus remarked, rolling his eyes.

"Sorry," Peter said his face bright pink as he straightened up.

"It's James's owl," Remus stated eagerly. Remus unlatched the window and coaxed the bird in. The owl, Archer, lifted his leg and Remus bent to untie it. "There's one for you too Peter."

"Really?" Peter said, having stopped coughing. He pushed himself to his feet and grabbed the rolled parchment from Remus.

"Lucky owl only having to fly to one house. Maybe James wants to do something for New Year's," Remus mused.

Remus put his note down to rummage around the top drawer in his dresser for an owl treat. He stopped noticing Peter's furrowed brow; Peter's note was already unrolled. "What's the matter?"

"It's not from James," Peter said in a quiet voice.

"What?"

Forgetting about the owl treat, Remus leaned over, his eyes quickly taking in the words on the note in Peter's hands.

The rumors are true. I've run away. I'm safe. – Sirius

Remus ripped his own note open to see the same exact words scrawled on his own parchment. He stared at it uncomprehendingly. A note from Sirius delivered by James's owl only meant one thing.

Remus crushed the paper in his hand. He threw it to the ground.

"Remus, are you okay?"

Remus rushed at the owl and shooed it out. Archer hooted indignantly at him before soaring into the sky. Remus sat heavily on his bed.

"He ran away?" Remus asked hollowly.

"You didn't know? It was in the Daily Prophet yesterday morning. My Mum pointed it out to me," Peter explained cautiously. "You always read the Prophet."

"Why would that be in the bloody Prophet?"

"Sirius didn't just runaway…he was disowned. I reckon he's poorer than you now."

The Lupin's had always been a middle-class family until Remus had been bit. Remus's parent had spent a good portion of their savings traveling and looking for a cure, unsuccessfully. Though they could afford to pay for Remus's Hogwarts tuition and other school related expenses, they did not have extra money to spend on frivolous things.

Remus threw Peter an incredulous look, but Peter didn't seem to notice for he continued speaking. "If it had been me, I would have stuck it out a few more years…even just receiving a third of a Black inheritance would have made it worth the while. Be set for years. Never have to worry about working..."

"Why didn't you mention this before to me?"

"I was waiting for you to bring it up. I thought you just didn't want to talk about it." Peter frowned. "My Mum already threw the issue out. Otherwise, I'd give it to you. You're not mad, are you?"

In fact, he'd been trying his best to pretend Sirius Black had never existed. That he was never a close friend. That he hadn't betrayed him. And now he was forced to think about him, worry about him, care about him. It wasn't fair! And if he'd shown up at James's doorstep? James would have let him in. James would have forgiven him. James would not be able to stay angry. James would be back on Sirius's side. And where did that leave him?

"I'm going to the loo. You were right; I don't want to talk about it."

Remus slipped out of the room, leaving his bedroom door open only a slit. He padded across to the bathroom and shut the door so Peter would think he went in. He silently treaded down the stairs to where the washer and dryer were located. A stack of newspapers lay bound together.

He retrieved his wand out. He could hear his Mum humming in the kitchen. The house was considered a magical space so he'd only get in trouble for underage magic if his parents caught him. Remus smiled ruefully at himself. He'd already broken plenty of rules as a prefect, what was one more?

Remus flicked his wand muttering the charm under his breath. The rope snapped. Remus found yesterday's paper on top. He leafed through it quickly, his eyes scanning the headlines.

Sirius Black: Heir No More?

Remus stopped. His heart was beating frantically. Peter's words floated into his head. "I reckon he's poorer than you now."

Remus flattened the newspaper on top of the dryer, leaned forward, and began reading.

Author's note: Thanks for READING and please REVIEW! I had originally planned to add the next scene to this chapter, but it was getting too long and having a bit from all four Marauders I thought was enough for this chapter to stand on its own.