Chapter 9: Going Back

Being friends again with James made Sirius' whole predicament more bearable. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders, a release of tension from his body. He felt better prepared to face the challenges ahead, and one of the first would be apologizing to Remus.

Sirius wasn't certain how a conversation with Remus would go. James trusted easily and forgave easily. Remus did not. Getting Remus to hear him out would be as difficult as getting him to forgive. Remus wasn't the confrontational type. He let his anger stew and grow, hiding his hurt behind a stony silence. And Remus would have had all of the Holiday for it to simmer. Maybe that was good...maybe Remus would be so wound up, they'd be forced to have it out.

Time, though, continued to tick by even when one's thoughts were in turmoil. The New Year was just around the corner, and Sirius hadn't expected anything more than spending another quiet night at the Potters. The Potters, however, had already accepted an invitation to a New Year's Eve Party thrown by the Abbotts Family. The Abbotts were a popular influential pureblood family, and the guest list was likely to include members of his family. This meant that even if Sirius had been healthy enough to attend, he could not. No one knew what would come about such an interaction.

James immediately offered to stay home with him, but his parents disagreed.

"It would be too suspicious, James," Mr. Potter explained kindly. "You know how important it is to be seen at these parties."

"Tell them I'm not feeling well."

"I'll stay with, Sirius, dear," Mrs. Potter said. "Makes much more sense an old woman like me is feeling ill."

So that was that. It should have been awkward being alone with Mrs. Potter for the evening, but it strangely was not. She's been the one taking care of him, and they had developed a rapport. The Potters had even given their house-elf, Minnie, the day off. As much as he wondered, Sirius was too embarrassed to ask what a house-elf would do with a day off.

As it was only the two of them, Sirius was allowed to choose the dinner menu, and he picked breakfast as the theme. Breakfast foods were always his favorite, and his mother would have never allowed such folly. There were rules for everything, including when to eat certain foods. They prepped and cooked the food together – using a mixture of Muggle and magic methods. It was a scene that would have never played out in Grimmauld Place with his own mother. He enjoyed every moment of it.

After the meal, Mrs. Potter chased him out of the kitchen, brushing off his insistence that he help clean up. They then settled in the living room with Mrs. Potter regaling him with more stories about her time at Hogwarts. As the night worn on, they quieted; Mrs. Potter engrossed in a novel and Sirius with a crossword puzzle. He fell asleep without meaning to, and was shaken awake by James.

"What time is it?" he mumbled, blinking up at James.

"Almost midnight," James replied with a large grin. He was still in his party robes, and his eyes looked brighter than normal. Probably the result of a smuggled drink or two. "Fireworks are about to start."

"Didn't expect you back early."

"Made the rounds. Talked to everyone we needed. Dad made the excuse that we had to check-in on Mum, so we could leave early. We've been back for almost an hour - but Mum said I had to let you sleep until the last possible moment." James threw him the cloak that he had draped over his arm. "I'd put this on; it's freezing out."

Sirius wrapped the cloak around his shoulders and followed James outside. It was chilly, but also a beautifully clear night. The stars twinkled and Sirius felt his stomach twist at the reminder of his family. He forced the negatives thoughts away. He wouldn't think about them now. He wouldn't let them ruin this. He settled on a blanket beside James – while the elder Potters sat on chairs – holding hands like newlyweds.

A bottle of champagne was opened and they clinked glasses as the clock struck down to the New Year. There were laughter and cheers, and then the fireworks dazzled the sky. Sirius felt warm and safe and happy, and was glad the darkness hid his prickling eyes. This was what it was like to have a proper family.

They trekked upstairs, pausing by James' room. Sirius' was down the hall.

James was first to speak. "Want to bunk in my room?"

Sirius let out a laugh. "Nah...you snore."

"That was one time! And I had the worst cold!"

"And you kick in your sleep."

"We're not sharing a bed," James said rolling his eyes.

"If there's no snuggling...then definitely not," Sirius replied with a wink.

"Prat."

"Tosser," Sirius replied grinning. This banter was good – the brickstone of their friendship. "It's quite nice having my own room...think I'll take advantage of it a little longer."

"Suit yourself," James stated and then added quietly. "I'm really glad you're here."

"Me too, mate."

"Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year."

The warmth of the night before wore off, and the next morning Sirius felt distanced again from his friend. James was pale and unusually quiet. Though that may have had been partly due to a hangover. They ate breakfast in near silence and when Sirius offered to help Mrs. Potter clear the table, James went off on his own. Later on, Sirius found James in the sun room with several feathers floating in the air around him.

"What are you doing?"

"Practicing non-verbal magic. Thought I'd start with an easy spell first..."

Sirius furrowed his brow. "What for?"

"Be cool to know...and Gallagher said he was awarded extra points during his OWL examination for using non-verbal magic." Gallagher was in his last year, Chaser, and Quidditch Captain of Gryffindor team. Gallagher was a decent bloke. He took Quidditch a bit too seriously and he was more rule abiding than the sort of person Sirius usually befriended. Sirius didn't hold it against him as Gallagher had brought victory to the Gryffindor Quidditch Team so far. James certainly looked up to the older boy.

Still, worrying about marks and especially extra points wasn't something he and James did. It did not fit with the reputation they'd built – suave, cool, and certainly not swots. They did their homework, studied when needed, and only went above and beyond when the subject could aid in activities outside the classroom. He put just enough effort in to have top marks in a handful of subjects; the bare minimum to placate his parents.

Non-verbal magic would be handy to know, but he didn't think that was the reason for James new interest in academic pursuits. "Who are you aiming to impress?"

James colored slightly.

"Oh! I see. You want to impress Evans," Sirius teased.

"Nothing seems to impress her," James said bitterly. It was true; Lily Evans was not impressed by fancy flying or rule breaking. "She was there last night."

"At the party?" The Abbots weren't the sort to snub Muggleborns, but the highly sought invites would go to families with power and influence in the Magical World. The Evans were a mundane Muggle family.

"Jeremey Archer's date." James made a face.

"Ravenclaw?"

"Hufflepuff." James sighed. "She threw a cup of punch in my face."

Sirius tried to hide his amusement. "Well, what did you say to her?"

"I said she looked nice, and she said I shouldn't make fun. But I wasn't..." He looked back up at the feathers that were still dangling in the air. He gestured up at them. "Want to give it a go?"

Sirius shrugged. "Yea. Ok." He'd always liked a challenge, he needed something to occupy the day, and it would be useful.

Getting the hang of the silent spells was harder than Sirius first thought it would be. Nonverbals took a lot more concentration and will – the intent of the spell was inside the mind, rather than pronunciation and voice strength.

They both managed the Levitation Charm quickly, but the more complex Accio spell was giving them both trouble. Sirius took a deep breath, concentrated only on the quill and where he wanted it to go, and pointed his wand -

"There you boys are!"

The feathers dropped, floating downwards, onto the table; the spell breaking as Sirius and James were startled by Fleamont Potter's entrance.

"James, you know your mother doesn't like it when you use magic outside of school."

Before her retirement, James' mother had worked in the Improper use of Magic Office, and in the underage magic division. She thought it was best her son set an example on underage magic even when there was little chance of anyone finding out.

"We're practicing for OWL's," James explained quickly.

Mr. Potter saw right through his son's excuse. "Levitation Charm suddenly giving you trouble?"

James shrugged. "Trying our hand at nonverbal magic."

"Just don't set anything on fire," Mr. Potter replied tolerantly. "Sirius, letters arrived for you."

"Me?" Sirius asked. "From who?"

"Gringotts."

"But how'd they know I'm here? How'd they know where to send the letters?"

"The best owls can always track down the intended recipient of the item they are delivering, and I'd expect the Goblins use only the best."

Sirius frowned. "If owls can track me down, then-"

"Owls can be intercepted, but tracking them to find someone...that's not possible, "Mr. Potter assured him. He then handed Sirius the two envelopes. "Now, if you'll excuse me."

Sirius ran his finger along the edge breaking the seal and unfolding a piece of thick parchment. He scanned the letter quickly and placed it down the table. He picked up the second envelope and repeated his actions.

"What does it say?" James asked after the silence in the room dragged on and it was obvious that Sirius wasn't going to volunteer the information.

Sirius sighed. "The first says I no longer have any access to the Black Family Vault in Gringotts. The second says that my own vault has been completely emptied…though I do still have access to that."

"Emptied? Are you saying your parents took the money you had in there out and put it into their own vault?" James queried, shocked.

Sirius shrugged, playing it off as if it didn't matter. "It was only a junior account. My parents always had full access to it. The vault doesn't turn over to me fully until I'm seventeen. I'm sure it is the same as with yours."

"Well, yes. I can't believe they'd go as far as leave you penniless! It is one thing to disinherit you, but-"

"They'd love nothing more than to find me begging on the streets of Diagon Alley for a scrap of food," Sirius cut in harshly.

James opened his mouth. Probably to protest that Sirius's family couldn't be that cruel and maybe there was a misunderstanding.

Sirius silenced him with a wave of his hand. "It's fine. I don't want their money. I don't need it."

"What are you going to do when you actually have to buy something?" James asked bluntly.

"I still have a bag of gold in my trunk at Hogwarts. Birthday money from Uncle Alphard I've been saving."

"And when that runs out?"

"I'll figure something out. I most certainly won't go begging to my parents."

"I can always loan you some."

"I don't want to talk about it."

He felt – for lack of a better world - unsettled. His father had said he'd do everything in his power to make his life miserable if he left, so this shouldn't have come as a surprise. It was still overwhelming. He'd grown up always knowing he didn't have to worry about money. He'd be in charge of the family fortune once he was old enough. He'd be making the financial decisions. He'd be the one his cousins would cozy up to when they needed money.

James was right; the money he had saved would run out quickly. He most certainly hated the idea of having to accept charity. Perhaps for the first time realizing how Remus had felt when he and James used to throw around their money in Hogsmeade; offering to buy drinks, treats, and prank items. And yes, he was aware he was currently accepting the Potters' charity by living there, but that was supposed to be temporary.

"Besides Lily Evans and her date, who else was at the party? Were any of them there?"

He hadn't planned on asking James if his family members had been present. He had been going to act like he didn't care, but now that felt pointless. If he was going to be forced to think about them then he might as well know what they were up to.

James had levitated some of the feathers again, nonverbally, and turned back to him. "Only Narcissa...and Lucius Malfoy."

"Did she say anything to you?"

"Nah...shot daggers at us from afar. Too many eyes there to start anything anyway, must keep a proper decorum."

"Did anyone else say anything?"

"About what?"

"Black heir running away."

"Oh...well...word has gotten around." James looked uncomfortable. "No one directly asked me about it."

"No, they wouldn't - would they?"

Word wouldn't just 'get round'. He knew even a hint of the Black heir running away would be enough to run the gossip mills for days. If word had leaked, then his parents were giving up hope that he'd return apologetic and beaten. It's what he wanted, but it also terrified him.

Sirius pointed his wand toward the feathers and thought Accio. One of the quills jerked, but did not move any further. He just wanted to forget about his bank account, his parents, the gossip at the party. But it wasn't working, his thoughts were multiplying, increasing his heart rate, his breath quickening, a heaviness settling upon his chest. He jumped to his feet, having an urge to leave. To just get away. To be alone and miserable.

"I don't feel well. I'm going to have a lie down."

"Oh...all right," James said looking disappointed. "Later then."

Sirius ran out the room without answering.

James was downstairs waiting for Sirius to finish showering. His parents had left them alone for the morning – visiting the Westfields, old friends of the family. He wasn't sure what they are going to do to fill the day. Sirius had been moody since the Gringotts letters. Not that James blamed him – it had been a lot to take in, but it didn't make dealing with his friend any easier. And he'd been consciously and unconsciously distancing himself from Sirius. They were returning to Hogwarts in two days, and things would have to be different. He had to take into consideration Remus, and that meant sometimes he would have to put Remus before his best friend. Sirius would have to get used to that idea, and the sooner the better.

There was a loud rap on the door, startling James. He gripped his wand. They weren't expecting anyone and, in these times, unannounced visitors could mean danger. The knock sounded again urgently. James opened the door warily and came face to face with six Ministry officials.

"Can I help you?" James asked.

"Is Fleamont Potter home?" one of the men asked, the leader of the group, and the one who had knocked. He had hard eyes that flashed maliciously.

"No, he isn't here," James answered carefully. His gaze travelled over the five men and one woman. He recognized Walter Hartman, a heavyset, balding man.

"We've got a warrant to search the house."

"What? For what?" James demanded.

His question was ignored. "Is anyone else in the house?"

James hesitated. "My friend's upstairs -"

The leader nodded to the men behind him who began to surge forward. "Please step outside."

When James didn't immediately follow direction, the leader grabbed his arm roughly and pulled down the steps. Walter intervened quickly. "I know him, Patterson. I'll take care of it. Just step here, James. Nothing to worry about. They'll do a quick sweep of the house."

James shivered as the wind picked up, wishing he'd been given time to fetch a cloak. At least the rain had turned to more of a mist. He looked up to see Sirius being whisked outside. His hair was still wet, t-shirt haphazardly on him, and his injured hand only halfway bandaged. He looked bewildered, and James did not like the calculating look Patterson gave him. As Sirius passed him, Patterson gripped Sirius forcefully and whispered something in Sirius's ear.

Sirius joined James, whispering heatedly, "What's going on?"

"I don't know. They've got a warrant…don't know what they are looking for," James said quietly back.

"I think Minnie went to get your parents," Sirius said referring to the Potter's house-elf by name. He crossed his arms, rubbing them in an attempt to keep warm.

Keeping his voice low, James asked. "What did he say to you?"

"Found you, blood traitor."

James' stomach dropped. That wasn't good. Something was afoot, and James didn't know if he could trust any of these Ministry Officials. James could feel Sirius growing agitated beside him. He wished desperately that his parents were there, and to his relief, his father appeared with a soft pop.

"Patterson? Walter? What is the meaning of this?" Mr. Potter demanded.

"We've got a warrant, Potter," Patterson said contemptuously.

"For what?"

"We've got a tip that you've been selling illegal cauldrons out of your house," Patterson stated.

Mr. Potter laughed. "You're not serious? Walter?"

Walter shrugged. "I'm here just doing my job."

Mr. Potter walked over to James and Sirius. He offered Sirius his over-cloak since none of the Ministry officials seemed to care that they'd forced a half-clothed teenager into the cold.

"I see your household has grown," Patterson said, indicating toward Sirius.

"It hasn't. My son's friend is staying over for a few days...nothing more."

"Ah...so that's how you're playing it? Never mind that the boy's parents are looking for him-"

"Didn't think the Ministry stuck it's nose into family squabbles."

"We don't," the man said shortly. "We're here about the illegal cauldrons as I stated."

"I see."

Patterson not satisfied with the response, continued. "Is this really the hill you want to make a stand on? After all those years of waffling – not taking sides – you're willing to do it over this boy?"

His parents had stayed out of pure blood politics, focusing instead on fighting against the rise of Dark Magic and the Dark Arts.

"My stance hasn't changed. We are still on the same side, are we not?"

"Hmph." Patterson turned away, and entered back into the house.

When the search was finally over, there was not one piece of evidence to suggest the tip had any validity. There was no apology. A copy of the warrant was handed to James's father and all the Ministry officials disappeared except for Walter.

James watched his father walk over immediately to the man and they began heatedly arguing.

"Did that really just happen?" Sirius voiced; his face was inscrutable. "Not only did my father call in a fake tip on Illegal Cauldron selling, but he bribed another Ministry Official to search for me during the raid?"

James didn't know how to answer. He'd been keeping things from Sirius...to protect him from the gossip circulating about him. He had only skimmed the Daily Prophet article from several days ago, but he'd read enough of it to know it described Sirius as a juvenile delinquent. He also hadn't been fully truthful about the party gossip. He'd overheard Sirius's cousin, Narcissa speaking to a man who he later learned worked in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. He'd been looking for the bathroom not purposely eavesdropping, when he heard:

"Still no sign of my cousin?"

"We've checked all the Muggle Jails and Hospitals."

"Check again."

"We can't - not unless your family puts in a formal request. As I've told you."

"And what of the Statue of Secrecy? He'll get in trouble eventually, and then you'll really have a mess to clean up."

Sirius continued speaking. "And Paterson...he could have taken me into custody. Right then and there."

"Dad wouldn't let them just take you," James said quickly.

"If that's what they wanted, I'd already be back home," Sirius said humorlessly. "They want me to know they can come get me at any time. They want me to know that I'm still within their grasp."

"Will they come for you? Now they know you are here?"

Sirius didn't answer, and then Walter was leaving and his father caroled them inside. The house was a mess, chairs tipped over, cabinets left open, papers strewn about. Sirius headed upstairs to finish dressing, and James and his father settled in the kitchen. Minnie brewed them a pot of tea, and began straightening up the house upon his father's orders.

Staring into his cup of tea, James blurted out, "Do you think they'll come back for him? You saw what they did to him! We can't -"

"James -" His father stopped him mid ramble, he looked more exhausted than he had ever seen him. "Drink the tea. It will make you feel better."

James looked at his father incredulously, but after it became apparent his father would not speak further until he did, he took a tentative sip.

His father cleared his throat. "Sirius will need his back watched at Hogwarts."

"What?' James asked, thrown by the words.

"This has gone beyond his family – his actions are being seen as a statement against Pureblood Society. He's a threat to their way of life. They are quite comfortable with the way things are. The purebloods have been influencing the Ministry for generations; electing those individuals that will fight for their interests. Change terrifies them. They've kept things the way they are by ensuring each new generation of high society toes the line, and when they don't - as Sirius has done – they go after them – alienate, ruin, scare – they'll do what they have to."

"And the Blacks? What will they do?"

"They've already began their campaign against him. The article in the Daily Prophet that I showed you, bribing Ministry Officials to locate him-"

"They didn't force him home. That's a good sign, isn't it?"

"It's nothing more than a reprieve, I fear."

They stopped conversing as they heard Sirius returning. Sirius didn't glance at James, instead he locked his eyes on James' father. "I'm not going back to Grimmauld Place. If that's a problem, I'll leave now."

For a moment James wondered if his father would take offense to the rude tone, but he simply pushed the second cup of tea towards Sirius. "There's no need for that. Our offer has not changed. Sit. The tea will warm you up."

Sirius sat, but ignored the tea in front of him.

"I better return to the Westfields. Your mother will wonder what is keeping me. Will you boys be all right if I pop out for a bit?"

"Yes, we'll be fine," James assured him, answering for them both.

"Stay indoors, and do not open the door under any circumstances. Understood?"

James nodded, his eyes shifting to Sirius, who didn't seem to be listening.

Silence followed his father's departure, and James was left with all the worry buzzing through his mind. His father would have never warned him if he didn't believe there was a true cause of concern. His parents had sheltered him from the highs and lows of engaging in Pure Blood Society. His ancestors had consorted with too many Muggles to be added to the Sacred Twenty-Eight. Not the social climbing type, the Potters were satisfied with staying on the outskirts. That meant they were still invited to all the important parties, but without all the scrutiny of those on top. They were given certain allowances as long as they didn't try to exert any of their influence on 'Pure Blood Matters'. James knew he hadn't followed the rule book exactly. His first indiscretion had happened without him even knowing – befriending and thus corrupting the Black heir.

He might not fully understand the politics. He might not be able to shield Sirius from the fallout, but there was one thing he could do.

"If you need to run, I'll come with you."

Sirius jerked his head up, surprised. It was a sign of how spooked they were that he did not brush off his offer. Instead, Sirius nodded curtly. James reached out, and squeezed his shoulder, and they sat in silence, together.

The preceding day and half were normal. No official letters, no visitors, even the weather cleared up. Then he and Sirius were packing their belongings and heading back to 9 ¾ was bustling with activity. The overcast sky brought out the brightness of colors around the station from vibrant red of the Hogwarts Express to colorful robes of parents and students.

James and Sirius had already said their goodbyes to Mr. and Mrs. Potter. Sirius was walking up a little bit ahead of James. James had paused to make a show of waving to his parents, but was discreetly searching the platform for any signs of the Black family. He wasn't planning on letting any of them near Sirius. He didn't trust that they won't take a shot at him.

Relieved not to spot them in their vicinity, James looked forward. Up ahead a pretty 20-something-witch had tapped Sirius on the shoulder. She was tall, in dark purple robes, and was holding a notebook and quill in her hand.

"…and I was hoping to get your side of the story…"

James sidled up next to Sirius only hearing the last part of what the witch, who James had not surmised was a reporter, was saying.

Sirius looked sideways at James before addressing the witch. "What article?"

"Oh! Oh my! You haven't read it?" the witch exclaimed looking positively thrilled by this notion.

"If you'll excuse us," James said coldly, "we need to get on the train."

"And you would be?" Her eyes traveled up and down inspecting him carefully. "James Potter?"

James glowered in response.

"Pleasure to meet you," the witch said keeping up with the pleasantries. "Jenny Jenston from the Daily Prophet. Fancy your name in a news story? Best friend perspective? Yes, that could work quite nicely."

"We need to get going," James insisted.

"Train doesn't leave for another ten minutes," she supplied to them cheerfully. "And it doesn't need to be now. I can arrange a time and date for the interview."

James threw her a dirty look and propelled Sirius forward.

"I'll send you a copy of the article!" Jenny Jenston called after them. She at least did not continue to pursue them.

"What article?" Sirius asked again once they were out of the reporter's range of hearing.

James shrugged not sure what to say.

"You read it?"

"My father showed it to me. I only skimmed it."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was just a bunch of rubbish. Not worth your time."

"What did it say?"

"It was rubbish."

Sirius smiled wryly. "You mean it was against me, wasn't it? Made it sound like I was an arrogant berk? Snubbed my nose on tradition? Brought shame upon my ancestors and broke my mother's heart?"

"No one takes seriously what is written in the Society Pages of the Daily Prophet."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. They both knew it was a lie. A story about the Black Heir running away sold itself.

"I knew there would be rumors...but an article? That means – everyone knows. Has known." Sirius looked paler all of sudden. It was as if he could suddenly feel the judgement of all the milling people around them.

"It will be old news before you know it. There will be another scandal and they will forget all about you."

Sirius didn't look convinced, and if his father was right, this wasn't something that would blow over. This decision would follow Sirius for the rest of his life. No need to confirm his friends' worst fears. Best to try to look on the bright side.

"There's Prewett," Sirius said. Dumbledore had written Sirius yesterday with instructions that he would be sitting across from the prefects as before. He would also not be attending the feast. He'd eat dinner alone and then serve his detention. "I'll see you after my detention."

"See you," James said glumly. He ruffled his hair as his eyes traveled around the platform. He didn't see Peter or Remus, so he figured he'd go ahead and find a compartment. As he walked the train's corridor he nodded and said hello to various students. There was definitely a lot of whispering and furtive looks in his direction. Last anyone knew, he and Sirius Black were not speaking...but he had just arrived on the platform with his best friend in tow.

He ignored it best he could, and was pleased to find their usual compartment at the end of the train empty. He settled inside closing his eyes briefly. It wasn't long before he heard a knock on the glass, and Remus and Peter peering into the compartment through the door windows.

James shot to his feet as they entered. "Hey! Happy New Year! How are you?" James could hear the forced enthusiasm in his own words.

"Has Sirius been staying with you?" Remus demanded with no preamble.

James flinched, and sat back down. He wanted nothing more than to be able to speak of his fears concerning Sirius to his friends, but looking at Remus's face, he knew that was not a possibility.

"Lock the door. Have a seat."

He took a deep breath. He needed to be there for Remus now. He'd worry about Sirius later.

"Yes, Sirius has been in my house since the day he ran away."

And he braced himself for their questions.