Urgh, I had to write this thrice because 1) my computer crashed and 2) I didn't learn the first time around to be more careful. I can't even tell you how over this chapter I am, but at least it finally motivated me to upgrade my computer.

Paradigm Shift
Chapter 10: Best Kind of Liar

He was freaking out.

Just as he was ending work, he had received a ring from one of his and Megumi's mutual friends and was presented with perhaps the most extraordinary news he had heard all year: Megumi was supposed to fly into town for the weekend, and she was scheduled to attend a party in Roppongi that night. Evidently, it was a low-key affair that only a select few were supposed to know about. Notably, he had been left out of that list.

"I heard you were in a bad place, so I just thought you'd like to know."

Both were understatements. His "bad place" was a ruin beyond repair, and "liking to know" was almost an insult to how he truly felt. The moment they ended the call, he left his office, leaving behind a pile of work that he probably should have stayed to work on, but it could wait until Monday. He had no time for that now.

This was the first time since their breakup that he had heard anything about her. To know that she was in the same vicinity as him blew his mind. His head was such a mess that he couldn't properly organise his thoughts—just that he needed to see her right away.

At the risk of legal penalty, he held his mobile to his ear as he drove. He growled as his call went to voicemail again, giving up as he threw his mobile onto his passenger seat. He lost count of how many times he had rang Tai during his commute home, but the man wasn't answering.

Where the hell was he? He felt like he hadn't seen him in weeks.

The lift felt especially slow that evening, raising him to the sixteenth floor so sluggishly that his mind challenged that he could physically run up the steps faster. It felt like a waste of time to make a pit stop to his home, but he had to fix his appearance somehow. He had admittedly not made much effort towards his physical wellbeing since she left, and it wasn't how he wanted to present himself to her after so long. Hastily opening the door to his flat, he came in to see Tai sitting lazily on the couch, watching telly and still in his work suit. He was confused because Tai usually got out of work an hour later than him and annoyed because Tai's mobile was situated right by his foot on the coffee table.

"Are you ignoring my calls?" Matt asked, shutting the door behind him. "I've rang you like ten times."

Tai raised an eyebrow, reaching over his mobile to confirm.

"Oops, it was on silent," Tai said unapologetically, setting it back down and turning his attention back to the television screen. "Was it important?"

This was the sort of behaviour that made Tai unbearable sometimes.

"Megumi's in Roppongi right now."

He could see Tai's body stiffen, indifference morphing to bewilderment as he turned to give him his full attention. "She rang you?"

He grew annoyed for no reason, Tai's reaction not what he wanted to hear. "No, someone told me, but you're missing the point. She's in Roppongi. Right now."

Tai turned off the telly and stood up, moving as slowly as that damn lift had. "I heard you. But you're not going, right?"

"Of course I'm going," Matt answered, stupefied at how Tai could have thought any differently. "I have to see her."

"But you said somebody else told you she's here."

"Yes."

"So she wasn't the one who told you."

"No."

"…"

"So get ready. We're leaving in fifteen minutes," Matt concluded when Tai failed to make additional comments. "I'm going to win her back tonight."

"Are you stupid?" Tai blurted suddenly, reaching out to jerk him harshly. "Why would you do that? What part of you thinks that this is even the slightest bit of a good idea?!"

He already knew Tai wouldn't be up for it, but he didn't care. Tonight, Tai wasn't allowed a voice.

"We have to go," Matt snapped. "I've been waiting for a chance to see her for three months, and I finally got it. How could I pass this up? It's her."

Tai was glaring without saying a counter, as if that were enough to change his view. Defeated, he gave in, retreating from him. "Fine, go. It's your life, but I'm not going to support this. If you're going to make an arse out of yourself, that's fine with me, but don't bring me into it."

"You have to go!" Matt retorted angrily. "I'd go for you. No, I have gone for you. You owe me."

"I don't owe you anything."

"Fine," Matt accepted all too willingly, not wanting to pick a fight that would make Tai even less likely to concede. "Go because this is Megumi. It's important to me, and I need you there."

He saw the slightest look of guilt on Tai's face, gone within seconds.

"You're going to ditch me in a minute anyway," Tai brushed off with a wave of his arm. "As soon as you guys start talking, you'll be all over each other, and I'll stand by myself the whole night. I'm not putting myself in that situation. Way to ruin my Friday night."

It amazed him how stupid Tai could be.

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" Matt asked loudly. "You said so yourself. She isn't the one who told me she's here. I had to find out through someone else. It's Megumi, and I had to find out from someone fucking else. What does that say about us? How could you have possibly come up with that scenario when you know everything?"

The guilt returned on Tai's complexion, this time too severe to tuck away. "I know, and I'm sorry for you, but I really can't."

He saw red, feeling his anger level rise. He knew he was asking for too much, but it wasn't like Tai had never asked the same from him.

"Why? Because you hate her?"

"No."

"Then why?"

Tai struggled for an answer, looking unsure whether he should say anything. "I have plans."

"Then cancel them," Matt ordered, livid that the idiot couldn't figure out such a simple solution.

"I can't."

"Why not?" he demanded, that reason not being enough.

"It doesn't matter. I just can't," Tai said definitively. "Look, if it were any other night, I'd go against my will, but tonight isn't negotiable. I can't go."

He didn't know why this made him so angry. When Tai wasn't so busy, he was much too often in the way. Now that he was always so preoccupied with work and whatever unnamed issues he had for the past couple months, he felt like he never saw him. Matt had thought he'd enjoy the false sense of reality that he lived alone, but perhaps he wasn't as independent as he had thought.

"What kind of a friend are you? It's supposed to be a party. If you don't want to go because you want to party and find a girl, there will be a lot there. I'm sure you can find one."

Tai frowned at the thought that Matt thought so little of him. "I'm not going to a party. I'm going to Ueno."

"For what?" He never cared where Tai was off to, but he asked because it couldn't have been any more important than this. He knew it wasn't. Tai just didn't want to go.

"For an art event."

"What the hell do you care about art?" Matt growled. "If the situation were in reverse, you know I'd go with you."

He saw more guilt on Tai's face, a rare feat considering Tai never really felt too bad about anything. "I know that, and you should know that I'd go if I were free, but I can't."

"How is an art event more important than Megumi?!"

Tai was struggling to answer, probably trying to find a way to twist the situation in his favour before he finally gave up.

"It's not the event," Tai admitted cautiously. "It's my girlfriend. She's been looking forward to it, and I'm already in trouble with her, so I can't cancel. She'll kill me if I don't go."

Matt's eyebrows lowered, not sure if he had heard properly. "Your what?"

"My girlfriend," Tai repeated, as if he had expected the response. Matt could tell he was trying to sound nonchalant, even though his eyes were diverted and his tone shaky. "I met her two months ago. That's why I haven't been home. I haven't said anything to you because I thought you'd be upset with everything that's been happening with you and Meg—" He cut himself off, paving way for a painful, agonisingly long silence as both were at a loss of what to say next.

"Let me get this straight," Matt started first, analysing the situation. "You've disappeared off the map for the last two months because you had a girlfriend, but you told me it's because you were busy with work. All because you thought I'd be jealous."

"Not jealous. I just thought you'd be upset."

"Upset why?"

"I don't know. You're always upset, and I felt sorry for you because of what happened–"

"You felt sorry for me?!" Matt interrupted, feeling his anger brew. "And that's why you were always there?"

Tai felt the sarcasm dripping in his voice. "Okay, I admit I haven't been around, but I was trying to give you space—"

"Because you felt sorry for me, or because you were too busy hanging out with your girlfriend?" Matt asked with a roll of his eyes.

"Because I know how annoyed you get when I try to butt in," Tai corrected, feeling unfairly accused. "I was trying to look out for you."

"I can't believe you, Tai." Matt glared at him. "I don't understand your logic. Your idea of looking out for me is disappearing and lying about it to meet with some secret girlfriend."

Tai, for all his attempt to keep calm, finally showed visible signs of annoyance. "Yeah, that's my logic. I did it because I was trying to be a friend."

"Good fucking definition."

"What about you?" Tai shot back. "What kind of a friend are you if I can't tell you what I'm doing because I know you'll just get angry? I knew you would, and you're only proving me right by being angry right now."

"I was already angry!" Matt snapped. "Get your head straight, Tai. I'm not angry because you have a girlfriend. I'm angry because you didn't tell me about anything out of pity. This is unbelievable. I've always known that you're a liar, but I didn't think that extended to me. Don't you have a limit, Tai?"

"Stop branding me a liar," he said, wanting to add more but not wanting to explode when the situation was already so fragile. He never thought he lied so much until Matt took every opportunity to point it out to him.

Matt, on the other hand, didn't seem to care as much about digging further. "Why shouldn't I? It's not like I'm lying when I say it. You're the biggest liar I know, and I bet that's the only reason your girlfriend hasn't already broken up with you. She probably doesn't know the kind of person you really are. You're funny, Tai. You put up this front and think you're never doing anything wrong, but in actuality you're the nightmare of every parent, girl, and friend. You're the best kind of liar because you can even convince yourself."

Tai had it. He was done. A week was fine, a month still understandable, but this had gone too far. It was fine that he was sad, but this irritability was unbearable. He had the primal urge to punch him, but he let it go, knowing Matt was only taking such deep hits because he wasn't in a stable state.

Annoyed at himself too for letting him have his way too much, he followed Matt as he turned to leave the sitting room, speaking loudly even though Matt was pretending not to hear him.

"Fine, I suck, but that doesn't change the fact that you shouldn't go tonight. Just stop being completely"—he paused to allow Matt to shut the door in his face and continued as if it hadn't happened—"mental for one second and try to listen to reason. Meg came to Japan but chose not to tell you. That's signal enough. If you go stalk her, it's only going to make it worse! Oy, I know you can hear me! I can yell louder than your shitty music!"

He could hear Tai just fine over his music and through the door. Nobody needed any help hearing that obscenely loud voice of his, but he was damn well going to try.

"I would go if it were any other night. You know I would. I have to go now. Just do me a favour and don't do it. You're going to regret it."

Tai stopped talking after that, and Matt wondered whether he was still there until he heard the front door open and close again.

The bastard had actually gone.

It didn't matter. He didn't need Tai's help. In fact, since when did he ever need—no, when did he ever want Tai's presence during anything so personal to him? This was usually the kind of thing Tai would try to weasel his way into being a part of, and Matt would do everything within his abilities to kick him out.

To think the moron hadn't told him about some girl of his out of fear that he wouldn't be able to cope with it. Tai would have been lucky if he even cared. He didn't need to know the girl to know what would happen, because he knew Tai.

Two months did he say?

Her expiration date had already passed.

Sora looked beautiful when he picked her up. It was obvious she had put a concerted effort into her appearance, though she assured him that it was all for her peers and not for him. He always thought Sora looked nice, but it was fairly new for him to see her in formal wear. She was wearing a red draped neck dress, probably meant to be more conservative than his eyes led him to believe, as he briefly but blatantly stared at the way the fabric slid across her figure.

Yet, he couldn't appreciate her sufficiently, his mind too preoccupied by someone he liked much less.

Matt was an enigma that constantly surprised him. How most people perceived him and how Tai knew him were very different. Matt liked to think he was cool and collected, but that was hilarious to Tai. Matt cared too much about everything and let everything get to him. He was one of the tensest people he knew, always one short fuse away yet bottling it up inside and refusing to let anyone see it.

It sounded exhausting. He imagined Matt's mind to be one of the most stressful places in the world, but he had only caught glimpses of its influence packaged in Matt's cranky temperament, so he couldn't be certain what it was really like.

Perhaps Megumi had seen it once upon a time.

Sarcastically, he thought he had been friends with such a difficult person for too long that he cared so much for his wellbeing. After all, he was a grown man. He wasn't supposed to play babysitter. He should have learned by now how not to make an ass of himself.

He felt a hard tug on his arm and looked down to see Sora's face contorted with annoyance.

"Tai," she said through gritted teeth. "Introduce yourself. Right now."

He looked to the third person who stood in front of them, a smartly-dressed man in traditional clothing who appeared quite unimpressed with his inattentiveness. He had no idea when this person had gotten there.

He had started the day with full confidence. Mingling with strangers at social events was something he did often for his own field of work, though it was difficult to adapt when the grating and unwelcome thought of his flatmate plagued his mind.

The man allowed him an introduction before he let him know his name for what he assumed was the second time. It sounded oddly familiar to him, and it took him a second to realise it was because his name matched that of Sora's company.

This man was Sora's CEO.

Sora quickly intervened, speaking on his behalf regarding the intricate and elegant designs outlined in the gala. The venue was set beautifully, elaborate decorations set to take guests back to the past during the time of the Edo period, giving them the illusion to forget they were actually in the modern, metropolitan city of Tokyo. He supposed they were interesting due to them being part of his heritage and culture and all, but in his current state he couldn't really be bothered to pay much attention to them.

"I hate you so much."

Sora's boss had gone, leaving Sora to look at him with an unconvincingly feigned look of disappointment that was all too real.

He winced. "I'm sorry."

"He's coming back in few minutes with a distributor. Can you please not look so bored?"

He was about to protest that he wasn't bored when an idea struck him. He wondered if it was ingenious or idiotic, but he figured there was no real harm in trying it anyway.

"Maybe I should go," he offered, looking defeated. "I know it's your big night, and I'm getting in your way. You shouldn't have to stress out about me on top of everything else."

Her reaction was completely different from what he had expected, confusion painting itself across her face. "What are you saying? Of course you should stay. You're here to support me, aren't you?"

He reached out for her hand, squeezing it lightly. "Yes, but I don't know anything about fashion, and I don't want anyone to have a bad impression of you because of me when you've worked so hard to get here."

She narrowed her eyes with suspicion, pulling her hand back to her chest. "Are you trying to find an excuse to leave?"

"No, of course not. I just—"

"Then stay," she interrupted firmly. "I want you here."

She ended the conversation to disallow him any room for negotiation. He knew he had already irked her, and if he said anything that insinuated he wanted to leave at this point, it would come across as such.

He felt trapped.

As he stood there in a sea of people with whom he had nothing in common, watching her purposely avoid his eye contact, he was hit with the realisation that the reason he felt so trapped was because he was.

He could remember now why he hated relationships so much. He was chained to her, and she was holding the lead that forbade him from living his life.

It wasn't that he was bitter towards her. He knew he liked her. He liked her a lot, but he questioned whether he liked her at the cost of his freedom. He was always one to go his own way, but now he felt like it wasn't an option. Perhaps he was selfish or perhaps he had lived independently for too long, but there was a clear line disconnecting Tai and the boyfriend. The more he thought about it, the more it occurred to him that he didn't like that dividing separation.

"I'm going to go," he said slowly.

She finally turned to face him again, looking alarmed. "Where are you going?"

His calm demeanour was a stark contrast to hers. "I have something to tend to."

"Tai, I want you here," she repeated, now the one reaching for him, looking at him with desperation. "Please stay."

Her plea almost broke him. He felt remorse because this was a person he cared about, but it didn't stop the ripping thought that she also dragged him down.

He liked Sora, yes, but he decided then liked his independence more.

He broke their contact and apologised, not knowing what else to say before he made his way out of the gala. He expected to feel liberated for breaking free, but all that struck him was the awful possibility that he very much could have just ruined everything.

It took him a full hour to finally muster the courage to go inside the event hall. For an hour, he stood at the corner, staring at the building, wrestling with the idea of whether he should go in or run away. A tremendous part of him wanted to see her, but the other part reminded him that he heard of her arrival through a mutual friend, as opposed to her herself.

Tai was right. The obvious conclusion was that she did not want him to know she was here, and therefore she came with the intent of not seeing him.

The thought shattered him, as there was nothing more he wanted than to see her. As difficult as it was to accept that she was purposely avoiding him, he could still hold onto the inconclusive chance that she wanted to see him too. If she refuted that to his face tonight, he wasn't sure how he could cope. He almost thought it was better to leave it up in the air, which was absurd considering it was all he wanted from the beginning.

Cowardice when placed beside confrontation.

Once finally inside, he searched the venue for thirty minutes, circling the area twice before he realised something was off. He couldn't find her, and despite running into mutual friends, they stopped him for small talk with no trace of the awkwardness he had been expecting.

Why?

He had to know.

Despite how he had been acting, he was a prided man. He didn't care if Tai saw him in a mentally unstable state, but he was rather aware of how others observed him at all times. It was for that reason that it was so difficult for him to finally kick aside his pride and ask the nearest person to answer his question for him.

"Matt! Hi! Long time no see! Is Tai here?"

He had chosen Sonoka Umeki, his mate's sister but better known to him as Tai's backup.

"Is Megumi here?" he asked, foregoing greetings.

And there it was. At the mention of Megumi's name, Sonoka's expression sunk into that pitying look he despised. Poor him, she probably thought.

He tried his hardest to ignore it as she explained the reason he wasn't able to find Megumi was that she had never come. While she had planned to come to Japan that weekend, she had cancelled last minute and never returned from England.

For having been so on the fence earlier, hearing these words made him realise the truth: he wanted to see her. It was heartbreaking to know that he had erroneously thought he was so close to seeing her again.

Sonoka followed with the obligatory, "How are you doing? It must be so hard for you."

"I'll live," he said with a shrug, trying not to show his disappointment visually, though he was sure he was failing.

"Well, you know, there's an open bar," she suggested when he didn't say anything else. She probably didn't want to continue the conversation she was having with him, not because the topic was difficult but because he was a difficult person to talk to. He was used to this.

He glanced back at the stairwell that led to the bar upstairs. He had seen the bar during his search but had decided to stay away from it, not wanting alcohol to influence his encounter with Megumi in any way.

Now that he knew she wasn't there, he supposed it didn't matter.

"Thanks. And, no, Tai's not here."

Sonoka's cheeks became rosier, and he pretended not to see. She had given him the information he had wanted. It was only fair he returned the favour.

She could have let him leave, but she spoke up with a tone that probably mirrored what his sounded like a few minutes ago. "He told me he's seeing someone?"

He pitied her because he understood her. He could hear that same desperation in her voice, uselessly hoping for a truth she knew didn't exist.

"I don't know anything about that," he dismissed, then he turned to walk away. It wasn't his business to disclose Tai's personal matters, but it sounded like she knew more about it than he did anyway. For blowing her off as much as Tai did, Matt couldn't help but notice that even Sonoka had heard of Tai's relationship before him.

He had known her since he was in year eight, but he didn't actually know her all that well. He had seen her around a few times when he went to his mate's home back in high school, but he saw her more often when Tai got bored and struck out elsewhere. Tai thought she was crazy, but in Matt's opinion she was a normal, manipulative girl who Tai used to his advantage. If Tai's goal was to ruin her, he had effectively succeeded.

For one evil moment, he wondered how a person like that had a girlfriend. How was it that even freaking Tai Kamiya was in a relationship while he was reduced to this?

Once he came across the bar, he took a stool right at the counter, making sure his back was turned to the open public. Even if people were looking at poor Matt Ishida sitting alone at the bar, he wanted to make sure he couldn't see them back. The bartender took his order, a gin and tonic that he only ever conditioned himself to drink because Megumi liked them but could never finish one.

He didn't know why he was still sticking around. She wasn't here, and she had been the sole reason he had come. There was no point to stay any longer. Gin and tonic was cheaper at home. He didn't have to pretend people weren't looking at him either.

But—

He didn't really believe in fate or destiny or any of that, but there was a hope that lingered within him and refused to disappear. Perhaps Sonoka was wrong. Perhaps Megumi was here, and if he could just wait it out a little more, she would appear before him.

He didn't really believe in fate or destiny, but his mind begged them both to prove him wrong.

He counted the passing time with the number of glasses that started to form a pile beside him. One, two, three, four until the bartender decided to put the glasses away. He was just about to order one more when a voice behind him stopped him.

"You're so pathetic. You make me sick."

Tai reached for the stool beside him, pulling it out to slump down on it as he ordered a whiskey and a glass of water.

"I'm literally becoming physically ill from watching you."

Tai was no Megumi, especially when griping in hyperbole, but having felt betrayed earlier, Matt had to admit that he was kind of happy to see him—not that he'd show it.

"What are you doing here?"

"Saving your ass. What does it look like?" Tai looked around the area. The bartender brought Tai his order, and Tai promptly placed the glass of water in front of him. "Where is she anyway? I have a thing or two to say to her."

He looked down at the mahogany counter, embarrassed to admit the truth.

"England."

It took a second for Tai to register Matt's answer, but when he did, he leaned forward against the bar, picking up his whisky to take a sip, nodding.

He expected him to be furious at the anticlimactic turn of events, but as Tai continued nodding, not saying a word, he looked almost relieved.

"Aren't you supposed to be with your girlfriend?" Matt asked dryly when his mate failed to say anything else.

Tai stiffened in his chair for a split second before loosening up again, clearing his throat casually. "I left."

He raised an eyebrow. He supposed this is how Tai always felt when he gave him equally vexing responses. "What do you mean you left?"

"I mean I left," Tai repeated annoyingly, once again echoing his influence.

He had to admit he was a little curious to see what kind of girl Tai brought around this time. The entire time he had been friends with Tai, he has only seen him get "serious"—in the loosest of terms—once, and she had not been the kind of woman he had expected from him. It was some girl from his firm whose name he couldn't even remember, much less how long they had dated. What he remembered most was how often Tai spent his free time complaining about her, and how much Megumi judged him when he cheated on said girlfriend, successfully ending his misery.

This was normally the sort of thing he could not care less about, but because it was so uncharacteristic of Tai, it did catch his curiosity.

"I can't believe you were hiding her from me. Who the hell hates a person for having a girlfriend?" Matt thought aloud with a roll of his eye. "It's only weird because I can't see you in a relationship with anyone."

"Her name is Sora."

Tai explained she was the same girl from the bar that Matt vaguely remembered meeting, yet he couldn't remember anything specific about her. He mentioned it had now been a little over two months. It was a blink of an eye to Matt, but he knew it must have felt like eternity to Tai.

"Must be some sort of record for you," Matt muttered in jest. He expected Tai to fake annoyance or make a joke back, but his expression remained unchanged, taking another helping of his whisky. "Do you actually like her?"

Tai shrugged nonchalantly, tapping the side of his glass with his finger.

"That's a no," Matt concluded with a smirk, lifting his drink—water he realised—to his lips. "I wouldn't have expected anything more from you."

Tai didn't react much to that either, simply staring down at his glass, swirling the liquid needlessly. Matt, noticing Tai's mood, erased the teasing look on his face, searching for words to say but falling short. He was never skilled in the art of cheering people up, especially people like Tai, who rarely appeared grim.

"I messed up," Tai admitted finally.

Matt felt a strange sense of guilt, wondering if this was on account of him. "Because you left?"

"No, I messed up before too."

Tai, for as outspoken as he was, never really expanded on his feelings much. Everything was either okay or not okay, and Matt generally got the gist of how okay or not okay something was by the way Tai acted, never by what he said.

So, he was a little surprised when Tai started to delve further, reliving incidents from a strip club to her best friend to Sonoka's message to leaving her tonight.

He knew he probably shouldn't, but he couldn't help it. He laughed.

"You're an idiot. Who screws up that many times in such a short period?"

Tai didn't laugh with him, looking sullen as he finished off his drink and ordered another.

"Stop drinking so much," Matt warned.

"It's my second one. How many have you had? One hundred and eight?"

He frowned at Tai's exaggeration.

"One," Matt lied, so Tai ordered him another too. They clinked their glasses together, too solemn when compared to the gaiety of the background.

"She'll probably break up with me," Tai said, putting on his best blasé stance, "so I'll have more time for your moody needs. Not too much though. I missed doing what I want when I want. Good riddance, am I right? She freaks out about the pettiest things." He slammed a fist against the bar top, standing up triumphantly. "Forget her. Let's party it up!"

"Sit the fuck down. You're embarrassing yourself." Matt rolled his eyes, seeing right through him. "Take it from a guy who had to listen to a girl for half his life: go back and apologise."

"But I'm not sorry."

"Are you not sorry enough to let her break up with you over it?"

Tai didn't answer that.

"Then go apologise," Matt concluded for him, standing up too. "I'm going out for a cigarette. Want to come?"

A familiar irritation returned to Tai's face as he scowled disapprovingly. "How many times do I have to tell you I hate the smell of cigarettes before you get in through your head?"

Matt gave a small shrug, reaching for his coat. "Suit yourself. Sonoka is here, by the way. She asked about you."

Matt flicked the last of his cigarette ash into the open air, ignoring Tai's annoyed glare as he look a final drag and tossed the butt on the ground, taking it out with his foot.

Unable to take it, Tai took his hand out of his pocket, picking the rubbish off the ground to throw it in an ashtray. "You're such an ass."

"I didn't ask you to pick up after me."

"But you always make it so people feel like they have to," Tai snapped back.

Matt could hear the accusatory tone in Tai's voice, aimed at something past his smoking habit. He did feel guilty, and he felt the need to apologise, though he couldn't quite bring himself to actually do it.

Instead, he stuck another cigarette in his mouth.

"You're an addict."

He took the lighter out of the carton, holding it to his face. "I can stop if I want to."

"No, you can't, and I'm going to die of lung cancer without ever having smoked a cigarette in my life," Tai whinged, bringing the lapel of his coat over the bottom half of his face.

"You've smoked worse," Matt quipped, lighting the end. "If you're just going to stand here and whinge to me, go to Sora or Sara and apologise like I told you to do instead."

He couldn't tell what Tai's facial response was to that, the majority of his face covered by his coat.

"I hate being chained to her," he said through the muffled effect of his clothes.

Matt furrowed his brows, genuinely confused by the sudden assertion.

"I don't get it. Do you even like her? Is she going to be another Kiko or whatever her name was, and you're just going to complain about her nonstop until she breaks up with you?"

"Why can't you ever get anyone's name right?" Tai asked, irritated for a moment before he fell back towards the hard brick of the wall, resting uncomfortably against it. "But, no, Sora's different. I'm only complaining today, but she's really great."

Matt took a deep drag of his cigarette. He wished he were talking about his own problems with Megumi, not giving relationship advice to Tai. "Then what's your problem? Stop being so annoying. You're not chained to her. You just have to compromise."

"She doesn't."

"She does," Matt corrected immediately. "As your flatmate, I already know she does."

Tai frowned, offended. "Excuse you. I compromise something every single day for you. I'm here, aren't I?"

"You are," Matt agreed.

Tai looked surprised by how easily Matt had accepted that. "Anyway, it probably doesn't matter. She's going to break up with me."

"She hasn't done it yet," Matt pointed out. "Go apologise to her before she can. Explain yourself to her instead of me. What does talking to me give you? It's not like I can do anything."

Tai was pouting. He looked like a child. Matt would have gladly pointed this out to him if it weren't for him looking so sullen.

"I might as well drop you off home first," Tai muttered, turning his head toward the car park. "Don't think I'm so stupid. It's an open bar, and that bitch isn't here. First drink my ass."

"She's not a bitch, and I'm going to stay a bit longer, so go away."

Tai raised an eyebrow, looking directly at Matt, who chose to look up instead. Matt was really good at deferring eye contact, but Tai was really good at calling him out.

"You do realise she's not coming, right? Tell me you know that, and then I'll leave."

Destiny, fate, whatever other bullshit this universe has to offer: this is your chance to follow through.

"I know."

She opened the door only to slam it in his face.

"Sora, I'm sorry," he said through the door, wiggling her doorknob as if he didn't know it locked automatically. "Open up. You know I'm more stubborn than you. I can talk to your door all night if I want to." He raised his voice. "I can talk louder. I can talk so loudly so all your neighbours know the resident of 3A, Sora Takenouchi, is having a fight with her boyfriend—" He cut himself off with she opened the door again, looking even angrier. "Don't kill me. Just listen."

Through her clenched teeth and flaring eyes, she was trying her hardest to keep her cool as she seethed, "Go home, Tai."

The force of her arm attempting to close the door was disrupted by his own, using his superior strength to prevent her from cutting off their communication.

"Tai!"

He ignored her furious attempts, forcing his way inside and shutting the door behind him.

"What are you doing?!" she hissed, hitting his arm with the back of her hand by instinct. "You can't just barge into people's homes! Get out—"

"I'm sorry I left you tonight," he cut her off. "I know I embarrassed you."

She stared at him, speechless by how shameless he was being. Neither said anything to the other, she still holding his arms in the same stance she had been when trying to push him out the door.

"You can't do that, you know," Sora said, her anger either gone or concealed as she took a step back. "You can't purposely make people upset, then say sorry and think that'll make it better. That isn't how this works."

"I know. I'm not good at being a boyfriend. I know that."

"You're terrible."

"I know."

"Do you know how embarrassed I was?"

"I can take a guess…"

"Do you even care? You obviously didn't care at the time."

"That's not true. I do care. I just…" He drifted off.

"You just what?"

He hated being at a loss for words, but he didn't know how to defend himself. She was going to think it wasn't good enough.

"I know you're going to think I prioritise him over you, and it isn't true, but Matt's in this terrible place, and it feels pretty damn shitty to know he's sitting at a bar by himself hating his life, while I'm having the time of my life with you."

She proved him right; it wasn't good enough for her. "He can take care of himself, Tai. He doesn't need you."

"He shouldn't, but he does," he retorted irritably, coming across more annoyed than he wanted. "We've been mates for nearly a decade. He's technically in my family now. I know he sucks, but I'm not going to give up on him. Even for you."

He regretted that last part immediately. Sometimes, he said things without thinking, words he didn't mean. It was unnecessary. It was probably untrue, but it wasn't like he would ever have to choose one or the other, so he didn't know why he felt compelled to say such a thing.

"I didn't mean that."

He was shocked with himself, but not as much as she was. Her eyes widened, angry lines on her face softening to something worse as his statement hit her again and again.

They stared at each other, words not coming to either following his outburst. He knew he should be the less affected one, but he didn't know what to say. He was supposed to be here to apologise, not worsen something already becoming unstable, especially with something said out of frustration as opposed to truth.

"It's okay," she said first, softly. "I was being insensitive. I'm sorry I got so mad."

"No, wait—"

There it was again—that anguished look of disappointment he despised. He could handle it from a lot of different people, but not when it came from those he cared about—definitely not when it happened so frequently. Inside, he felt as if Sora was always a little disappointed in him for one reason or another.

He wished she'd stop, though he supposed he had to give her reason to.

He repeated himself once more. "I didn't mean it."

"No, you're right. You've known each other for a long time. You've only known me for two months. I asked too much of you. I was being selfish."

He would have preferred for her to blow up at him the same way he had blown up at her. Her willingness to let him win was making everything worse.

"No," he said in exasperation. She was putting words in his mouth. This wasn't supposed to be a this or that kind of ultimatum situation. "That isn't what I meant. It came out wrong. I—"

"I get it," she interrupted gently. "Let's stop fighting."

He wasn't ready to stop. He wanted to keep going and explain himself so she wouldn't think he was the world's biggest asshole, but her expression told him that she was done.

He felt cheated, even though he had technically gotten in the last word.

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have forced you to go somewhere you didn't want to go."

The purpose of his visit was to apologise based more on not wanting to lose her as opposed to actual regret at what he had done, but that was no longer the case. He wanted nothing more than a reset button.

For the first time, he felt a true awkwardness between them. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, rolling a piece of lint he found inside between his fingers, wondering whether apologising again would make him sound insincere.

"How was the rest of the event?" he asked for the sake of conversation, wondering if he was even allowed to ask.

His discomfort made her let loose a low chuckle, and she raised an arm over his shoulder and pulled him down to kiss her. He felt the tension disappear—or maybe it was merely being brushed under the rug for a minute. His conscious told him not to let that happen, but this was definitely more enjoyable than arguing.

"You drank," she noted as she pulled away.

"One," he said immediately. He thought about it again. "Okay, two."

He lowered his neck for another kiss, but she put a hand to his chest, creating a barrier. "It's like your reflex to lie," she quipped.

She had said it like a joke. There was probably truth concealed within it, difficult to detect if it hadn't been for the argument they had just had seconds prior.

"How was the rest of the event?" he asked again, choosing not to comment at all.

"We're going to set up meetings with distributors on Monday, so my design should be going into rotation soon," she said with the same humility she tried to show all the time, but her expression changed, lighting up in a way that was impossible for her to hide. Guilt seeped through his pores with the understanding that this happiness was recycled, that this was only a fraction of how happy she had been had he been there to witness it the first time around.

He reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers together. "That's amazing. I know it didn't seem like it, but I am proud of you."

She tapped her finger pads against the back of his hand, looking down at them. "Thanks." She looked up at him, changing the subject. Perhaps she didn't want to talk about it either. "I got you a gift, even though I wanted to strangle you with it when I bought it."

She dragged him to the centre of the lounge, picking up a silver shopping bag from the couch. The guilt that he had never really gotten her anything gnawed at his conscious as he moved around the red tissue paper.

"It's a pink shirt," he said once he pulled the item out, feeling the need to point out the colour.

It wasn't that he hated pink. Pink was fine.

He just preferred not to wear shirts that were pink.

"It's silk," he continued, noting the material slipping through his fingers.

"Japanese silk," she corrected him. "Japanese silk is less common to come by these days because it's so expensive to produce, but that means the quality is high. They were selling it at the exhibit for a discount, so I bought one for you."

He held in the desire to point out they were probably selling it at a discount because nobody in their right mind would buy a pink silk shirt, but he held his tongue. It was easy to do, as he was mostly thinking about how she bought him a gift despite being angry with him, while he had come empty-handed.

"I love it," he lied quickly. "Thank you."

He leaned down to peck her lips, hitting teeth instead. Her lips moved against his own, curving upwards in a mischievous grin that showed off her pretty smile.

"Aw, that's too bad. I picked this one specifically because I wanted you to hate it but feel obligated to wear it."

He drew his head back, laughing loudly, somewhat relieved because he felt he deserved it.

"Well then, I do hate it," he admitted. He held the shirt up, already seeing how unflattering it would be on him. He held it up to his torso. "What do you think?"

"Try it on. I had to guess your size."

He exaggerated a gasp. "You mean in front of you? Don't you think we're moving too fast?"

She glared at him, and he grinned sheepishly as he began to unbutton his current shirt, not really wanting to try on his new one, but it was the least he could do. She giggled once it was on, and he winced as he looked down at himself.

"How do I look?"

"Pink."

"I'm shiny," he pointed out, putting a sleeve out in front of him. "Why couldn't you have gotten me a non-silk one? It'll be winter soon, and I'm already cold thinking about it."

"The point of the shirt is that it's silk, Tai. The pink is the bonus. Why are you complaining anyway? I got you a gift, didn't I?"

"Yes," he agreed, reaching over to kiss her. "Thank you."

Sora picked up his shirt that he had discarded on the couch, putting it inside the silver bag that had held his new one.

She was telling him to leave.

"You better wear it," she warned him, handing him his coat and pushing him towards the door.

"I'll wear it Monday," he promised her.

"I want photographic evidence."

"We can get lunch together."

"I still want photographic evidence."

"Fine, and I'll take a photo." He turned at the door to face her. She already had her mobile out, a flash blinding him for a second. He blinked to adjust his eyes to the change in light. "That was mean. I wasn't ready."

She smiled, looking at her evidence, not sharing it with him. "It looks good on you."

"As does everything," he boasted, looking over her so he too could see the picture. He looked absurd. He shifted his gaze from her picture to her face. She was still giggling at the photograph. "I'm sorry again for today."

Her laughter stopped, and she looked up at him with a small grin, stepping back so he wasn't so close. "You're always sorry about something."

"Because you're always mad about something," he joked, making the last remnants of her smile disappear. He tried to recover himself. "Honestly though, I shouldn't have left. I know you're only pretending to be over it, but I'll make it up to you."

She shrugged. "Matt needed you. I didn't."

"You said you did earlier."

She took a step forward, buttoning up his coat for him, giving his chest a firm pat when she finished. "I never said I needed you. I said I wanted you there. They're different. Remember that, okay?"

11 December 2014

Thank you for making it to this point. Please don't think my excessive tardiness is a reflection of my lack of appreciation for everyone.