Update 6-15-18: Minor edits

Chapter 18: Step Sideways

"Toss me a chocolate frog," Peter asked throwing a used chocolate wrapper into the pile beside him.

Rummaging around in the pile of sweets his friends had purchased from Hogsmeade, Sirius obliged. He listened in amusement as his friends took turns narrating their day. They had settled in for a quiet evening opening the windows to let the cool night air in and Sirius's radio was playing softly in the background. All the purchased items were scattered on two of the beds.

Sirius stretched across the bed and popped another piece of fudge into his mouth. "Did you end up meeting up with those fourth years for a butter beer?"

"Yea…it was fine," James stated with a forced casualness.

"Fine?" Sirius asked raising his eyebrows. He looked inquiringly between his three friends.

"James should be the one to tell you," Peter revealed, caving in first to Sirius's inquiry.

James shrugged. "It was nothing…Gloria snogged me."

"You were snogging her back," Remus said with a wide smile.

"All right so we snogged. Call the bloody Daily Prophet!"

"In front of everyone in Three Broomsticks," Peter added also grinning.

"It's not a crime," James said his cheeks were now slightly colored. It was obvious Remus and Peter had already teased him about it.

"So...

you fancy her now?" Sirius asked. They all knew about James's fascination with Lily Evans so it was odd to hear he'd snogged another girl.

"I never said I fancied her. It was a snog. Honestly what is the big deal?"

"Doesn't she seem like the type of girl that picks out her wedding dress the day you start going out with her?" Sirius looked at Remus and Peter for confirmation and they both readily agreed.

James shook his head. "We aren't going out."

"I can see what Sirius means…" Remus said slowly. "Hasn't she been to almost every one of your Quidditch practices?"

"She knows it meant nothing."

"All right. All right," Sirius responded with a laugh. "Keep those antlers on!"

"And before I forget, Emma Kline, she was asking about you."

"I'm not interested."

"Do you even know who she is?" James asked amused now that Sirius was the focus.

"Obviously one of Gloria's friends."

"She's fit," Peter said. "Very fit."

"I don't care."

James shrugged. Then he straightened up before announcing, "And now if we may move on to the next topic at hand?"

"I'm trembling in anticipation," Sirius said wryly.

"Padfoot, Prongs, Moony, and Wormtail," James stated with no explanation.

Sirius crossed his arms, slightly puzzled by the turn in conversation. "Our nicknames?"

"I called Peter Wormy at Hogsmeade today. Is there still a reason we shouldn't be using them?"

Sirius studied his friends carefully. Was there still a reason?

"I think James is making a bigger deal out of this than needs to be," Remus interjected. "I have no objection."

"Neither do I," Peter said quickly. "I never did, really."

Sirius opened his mouth to object. It was strange how casual everyone was being about this. The nicknames represented everything they had lost since he had told Snape how to get into the Whomping Willow.

"I too have no objection," James added and he looked expectantly at Sirius.

"Wait. Aren't we missing the bigger picture?" Sirius asked and he could feel the mood in the room immediately cool.

"Don't make this more than it is. This is simply about the nicknames," James pleaded.

"How can that be? One is meaningless without the other." Sirius glanced at Remus. "Did we forget the reason we came up with the nicknames in the first place?"

"Of course not," James declared. "We will need to have that discussion." James looked at Remus then back at Sirius before continuing. "Just not now."

"Well if we aren't having that discussion then I don't see the point this."

"It is still a step forward," James insisted.

Sirius shook his head. "It isn't…at the most it is a step sideways."

James held up his hands in frustration and perhaps even disappointment. Sirius wished he could back down, but he felt it was best for the group if he held his ground.

Remus cleared his throat bringing all their eyes to him. "There is no discussion about that. You will not be joining me next full moon," Remus stated. There was a steely quality to Remus's voice that usually wasn't there. "If you don't want us calling you Padfoot because of that, we won't."

"Of course, I'm ok with using the nicknames," Sirius replied impatiently. "That doesn't change where I stand about the other issue."

"Noted," Remus answered. "If you'll excuse me, I need to shower and do some work."

There was silence besides the music still playing in the background as Remus gathered his towel and change of clothes, and headed off to the showers.

"I just wish things were back to how they were before," Peter said mournfully after Remus left the room.

Sirius threw Peter a dirty look. He wanted that more than anything. He was trying to save their friendship. Was he the only one who could see that?

James took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I need some fresh air."

Swallowing his pride, Sirius stated, "I didn't mean to upset everyone, but until Remus trusts us – or me – enough to let us join him again…until that happens there will always be a rift in our relationship."

"I know," James admitted softly.

"Then why didn't you back me up?"

"Because he's not ready to trust you and I'm afraid if we push him, we will have our answer."

"You think his answer will be no?" Peter exclaimed. His surprised echoed Sirius's. James had always been adamant that Remus only needed time.

"Let's transform. Go out for adventure in the forest," James said as an answer.

"Now? We've been outside all day," Peter complained.

"I could use some more. Padfoot? Wormtail?"

"I'm in," Sirius said, never one to pass on an adventure. "Bring the cloak. I don't fancy another load of detention because we get caught after curfew."

"I'm staying in," Peter said, though he looked conflicted. Sirius was surprised because Peter did his best not to be left out of things.

James and Sirius were out the dorm within minutes and managed to exit the common room without much attention. All the students were still riled up from their day of freedom, so the noise and action around them made it easy to slip out unnoticed. The school corridors were fairly empty; though they stuck to the least traveled routes to be safe. They arrived at the edge of the Forbidden Forest without issue and immediately ventured into a few feet deep before getting ready to transform.

"Prongs?"

"Yes?" James was staring stoutly into the depths of the forest.

"We will get him to change his mind," Sirius said.

James didn't answer, instead he transformed into a stag. Sirius stared at the stag his stomach in knots. James was rarely pessimistic and Sirius now felt awful to be the reason this had occurred. Maybe he shouldn't have said something about it this evening, but on the other hand, it needed to be said. They could all walk around smiling pretending their friendship was ok…or they could meet the problem head-on.

Sirius closed his eyes and allowed the magic to flow through him for his own transformation. While his mind stayed human as an Animagus, with practice it was possible to fully immerse yourself in the animal's mind. It was something they had never tried as they usually had a werewolf to keep in check. Regardless it was a freeing experience to see the world through eyes of a dog. Sirius as Padfoot let out a bark and the stag answered with a toss of its head, and they raced off into the darkness.

Sirius groaned as he heard James call his name. He drew the curtains to his bed open to see James rushing around the room in a half state of dress and hair sticking out wildly in all directions.

"We slept in late," James muttered.

"So? It's Sunday," Sirius replied wanting to continue to sleep. They had stayed out late last night, even stopping in the kitchens for a late night snack after their adventure in the Forbidden Forrest.

"I've got Quidditch practice in 15 minutes! I don't even have time to stop by the kitchens."

Sirius extracted himself from the bed. "I've got a muffin from last night still in my robes."

James took the muffin gratefully, inhaling it in a few bites. "Gallagher is going to run us hard with the game in the next few weeks." Within the next few minutes James finished dressing and slinging his broom over his shoulder, he grinned. "I need to go. See you later."

"Have a good practice," Sirius said yawning. It wasn't until James had left that Sirius bothered to wonder where Remus and Peter had gone to. Their beds were empty, which more than likely meant they had gone to breakfast on their own. Sirius frowned. That wasn't a good sign. Were they going to go back to the days when Remus rarely hung around them? He'd told James last night that they'd get Remus to change his mind, but in all honesty Sirius had no idea how to do that.

He didn't have another moment to come up with a plan of action because Remus and Peter walked in. Peter was in a good mood, his round face shining. "Oh, you're up! Where's James?"

"Quidditch Practice," Sirius answered sharply, deciding he wasn't going to hide his discontent from last night. "I see you've both been to breakfast already."

Peter colored. "We thought you needed rest…and I forget James had practice."

"We snuck out food," Remus replied coolly. He approached Sirius and dumped his bag on Sirius's bed.

"Oh…well thank you." Sirius undid the buckle and inside Remus's bag were buns, pastries and fruit. He was grateful for the gesture because the extra sleep had been needed. It was the uncertainty in their friendship that had caused him to question their motives to begin with.

Remus's expression softened. "You've brought breakfast to me often enough when I wasn't feeling well before and after the full moon. I thought I'd return the favor."

"James wasn't angry, was he?" Peter inquired.

"Not about that," Sirius answered taking the food out of the satchel. He handed it back to Remus and took a bite out of one of the apples. He contemplated what to do next. There was homework as always. Fifth year had a never ending supply of it and even if one had done all the assignments, there were always OWLs to revise for. Since James wouldn't be able to start until after Quidditch practice, there really wasn't any reason to get ahead.

"Padfoot? Do you have a moment? I wanted to show you something," Remus began unsurely. "You too, Wormtail."

Sirius shrugged; intrigued despite everything. "What is it?"

Remus motioned them both over to his bed. He had a folder opened and one side held sheets of notes and the other several drawings

"This started out as part of the extra credit I was doing for Professor Flitwick. I was bored with the project at first and then after I began researching, I realized how useful it would be to – to map Hogwarts," explained Remus.

"Map Hogwarts?" Sirius exclaimed. "You want to map Hogwarts? It's supposed to be unplottable."

"Technically yes, but I looked into the theory of the spell and it doesn't mean the inside of an unplottable property can't be mapped. The spell only stops it from showing up in relation to other landmarks."

"But why would you want to map Hogwarts?" Peter asked, echoing the question Sirius had already voiced.

"It would be useful…for pranks and if we ever needed to sneak out of the castle after hours. I wasn't thinking of mapping it all, just the rooms and corridors, we use most often. And I think it would be possible to track who is there in those areas in real time." Remus took out of the folder one of the drawings. "I thought I would start with something simple, so I drew our dormitory. At the most there are six people in and out of that room."

Sirius leaned over to get a better look at the drawing. It was very simple sketch; Remus had denoted the areas where the beds and other furniture by shaded shapes. There was also a label that read 'Gryffindor Fifth Year Dorm'.

"I haven't been able to get any tracking spell to work. And see the label that says 'Gryffindor Fifth Year dorm'?" Remus tapped the parchment. "I didn't write that. It just appeared on its own while I was working on the tracking spell. I'm not sure why or how. If it was the spell I was using or some sort of internal magic from the castle…"

"Hmmm…that is strange. What tracking spell did you use?" asked Sirius.

"I started with the one in the Standard Book of Spells. I kept track of the variations I attempted." Remus handed Sirius one of the scribbled sheets of paper in the folder.

Sirius studied the list. Remus had systematically gone through different endings for the spells. It was always a possibility that Remus was mispronouncing the spells, but Sirius doubted that was the reason it wasn't working.

"Any ideas?" Remus pondered.

"I think this requires a more advanced spell. Maybe even something like the trace all underage wizards have. I'm sure in the library we could find some spells to try-"

"We can't do that today," Peter whined. "Remus promised he'd help me with my Potion's essay." He'd edged away from where they were gathered as if distancing himself from the project. It took Peter longer to 'get' things, so even without the looming Potion's essay, Sirius could see why digging into complex spells wouldn't really appeal to him.

"I will," Remus responded patiently. "I was just curious for some input; it's been on my mind all week. If you're interested you can help…James too. You too, Peter...if you want."

"I'm always up for a challenge," Sirius replied. "I'm sure James will be interested. After all we know Hogwarts better than anyone. Who better to map it?"

"But a large project like that? Do we have time? We have OWLs in a few months!" Peter said worriedly; clearly not keen on the idea.

"It's just a side project. Studying of OWLs will take precedence, of course," Remus replied.

"Of course," Sirius agreed sarcastically shooting Remus a grin.

"All right, Wormtail, ready to work on that essay?"

Peter nodded, but he looked slightly subdued. Sirius declined their offer to come along. Remus left the folder with the drawings and notes for Sirius to continue looking over. Settling back on his bed, Sirius continued to survey the papers while he finished his breakfast.

It was quickly clear that there was no progress to make without further research in the library. He put the pages away and readied for a shower. As he allowed the warm water to fall over him, a thought suddenly occurred to him. It was a bit strange for Remus to bring up this map idea all of sudden. Was there a hidden purpose to it? Working on the project would bring them together, but why the sudden need for it? If Remus had decided that he didn't want them joining in him for the full moon then maybe he was hoping this would soften the blow? Sirius hoped he was wrong, but it was hard to erase the possibility from his mind once it had taken hold.

March rolled in bringing windy days and chilly nights. With spring just around the corner, the cold felt more bearable. The days passed quickly with Remus's sixteenth birthday falling on the tenth. Promising not to make a fuss, James, Sirius, and Peter convinced the Hogwarts house elves to bake a small layered chocolate cake and they celebrated quietly that evening in the dormitory. The boys had pulled their money together to purchase Remus a handsome leather satchel as a gift. Remus's old school bag (a gift from his late grandfather in his second year) had been coming apart at the seams.

The middle of March brought another full moon and a renewal of the tension between Sirius and Remus. Sirius grew restless and short-tempered. Remus became tired and withdrawn. James watched this all wearily, wondering if more time was all that was needed or if broken trust was something that couldn't be healed. James never voiced this fear. Deep down he still hoped sooner rather than later they would once again join Moony as Animagus.

As the month before, the coolness between Sirius and Remus warmed with the waning of the moon. The four teenagers were back to being friendly, two steps above cordial. Without discussing it they let the issue drop until the next full moon. It was easy to push it out of their minds with the increasing coursework and constant push by the Professors to begin revisions for OWLs. James had an even fuller plate with Quidditch practice. The Gryffindor vs Ravenclaw game was fast approaching, and Gallagher was squeezing in every minute of extra practice that McGonagall would approve.

Before James knew it, the eve before the Quidditch match had arrived. James fell backwards onto his bed with a groan. The windows creaked against the force of the wind and rain pattered loudly against the glass. Peter walked over to one of the windows, squinted at the blackness out of the dorm and pulled the curtains closed tightly.

"Maybe you'll be lucky and they'll cancel the game tomorrow?" Peter stated.

"And why would I want the game cancelled?" James growled.

"I just thought…since you aren't feeling well," Peter replied timidly.

"Yea…well I feel fine."

"Madam Pomfrey did say she wasn't sure how long it would take the Charm to leave your body…" Remus began.

"I'm not still Confunded!" James stated loudly.

He was still grappling with the idea that someone had successfully cast a Charm on him without his knowledge. There were few students who could get away with it and even fewer that would try. A few days ago, during practice, he started dropping passes and missing the goal hoops by several meters. The team had been dumbfounded by his sudden clumsiness. Gallagher, the Captain, had become very agitated – yelling more than usual at everyone. With the Quidditch game looming, it was about the worst time to have a slump. It was Gloria who first suggested the possibility of the Confundus Charm after watching his horrible performance at Quidditch practice. Since the kiss at Hogsmeade, James and Gloria hadn't become a couple. She and her friends sat with them several times in the Great Hall, but it didn't go further than that and James had seen her flirting with a Ravenclaw boy her year recently. James suspected at least a few of his teammates had thought she was the cause of his lack of focus.

Gallagher had marched him to the Hospital Wing himself to get looked over. Madam Pomfrey confirmed that he had been Confunded, and word had spread like fire around the castle. The obvious culprit was a Ravenclaw student hoping to disable one of Gryffindor's star players. This idea was quickly dismissed after Kane approached Gallagher and James; swearing no one on the team was responsible. It may have been fear of retaliation, but James believed the Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain. Kane even offered a game postponement until the Saturday after to allow James adequate time to rest. James had declined the offer (even though Gallagher had considered taking it) fearing it would make him look weak. The person who had cast the Confundus Charm was still out there and James would not give him or her the satisfaction.

"How was your flying today?" Sirius asked taking a seat beside James who was still prone on his back.

James pushed himself up to a sitting position. "Better," James answered. Gryffindor team had gotten an hour of extra practice in before the weather had turned nasty. It was the first time he'd been allowed to get back on the broom since his Confundus diagnosis. He did feel close to normal. And with the Quidditch game tomorrow, James wasn't going to allow for the possibility that he wasn't fully right.

"If you aren't all better, you really should tell Gallagher," Remus said.

"Even on an off-day, James is a better player than most of the school," Peter argued.

"If his reflexes are slow...Quidditch is a dangerous sport."

Sirius chuckled. "I don't think calling it dangerous is the best way to talk Prongs out of flying."

"I'm fine. If I thought I couldn't handle it, I would have agreed to postponing the game," James said ending the discussion. There was a sudden howling noise louder than before as if to emphasize James's point. Simple wind and rain wouldn't cause Quidditch game to be cancelled, but if the storm became violent enough to be a danger, it just might.

"So, want to play cards tonight?" Sirius asked. As usual Gallagher had implemented a team curfew, so James wasn't allowed to leave the common room after 7 pm and was supposed to be asleep by 10 pm. Of course with his Invisibility Cloak, James could have ignored it, but restful night of sleep would only do him good. His friends were abiding by the curfew, as well, to keep him company.

James glanced at the pile of the books near Sirius's bed that Sirius had checked out for the 'mapping project'. James had been brought up to speed about the project and as a troublemaker at heart, thought the idea was brilliant.

He had been thinking about suggesting working on the map (they had made minimal progress), but he was worried it might reopen the rift between them. Sirius and Remus had put the full moon issue behind them for the time being, and James didn't want to be the one to bring it up. Ignoring the problem wouldn't make it go away, though ignoring the problem tonight would make the evening more pleasant.

The boys arranged pillows on the floor and Sirius retrieved the deck of cards. Peter took a seat and Sirius used his wand to shuffle the deck.

"Get us four butterbeers, Moony?" James asked as he too sat down.

Remus retrieved the butterbeer from James's trunk and handed them off one by one. Sirius began dealing the cards as Remus took his place in the circle. James popped the cap of this bottle. "Cheers?" he said holding the bottle towards the middle of the circle. Sirius and Peter clinked bottles with his chanting 'Cheers' at the same time. Remus held his bottle up in the air. "Cheers," Remus muttered, taking a sip of the bubbly substance. Remus glanced down and then his eyes flitted briefly to each of his friends' faces. "I want you all there at the next full moon."

The words were spoken softly, but firmly. Peter dropped the cards he was holding, Sirius gaped silently and James found himself choking on the sip of butterbeer he had taken. This news had been so unexpected that James wasn't sure if he'd heard correctly.

Peter was the first to find his voice. As he scrambled to pick up his cards, Peter exclaimed, "Do you really mean it?"

"Yes. Yes, I do," Remus replied.

"What made you change your mind?" Sirius asked eyeing the werewolf.

Remus shrugged. "I don't know. I'm tired of this all as much as you…and just contemplating about another transformation like the last few months when I've barely recovered from the last one – when I know I only have to say the words to make it more bearable…"

"I've told you twice how awful full moons were going to be," Sirius replied, his face unreadable.

"I know you did and I knew it would be – but I wasn't ready. I can't explain exactly why I wasn't ready then and why I'm ready now. All I know is I want you there now."

"Well I'm glad you've finally seen sense," Sirius said seriously.

"Me too," Remus agreed and they both broke out in grins. James let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and he too was smiling.

"Me three!" Peter jumped in and they all laughed.

"You had us worried when you showed us the idea of the map," James revealed.

"The Map? Really? Why?"

"I thought you were hoping to replace our full moon outings with working on the map. So we had something to work on together," Sirius relayed.

"Quite the opposite. In hopes to allay my fears, Professor Dumbledore told me there would be extra security on full moon nights. It will not be easy to sneak out of the castle…even with the Cloak it will be difficult."

"Oh…" Sirius replied. "And that's where tracking everyone in the castle will be useful too…"

"Exactly," Remus agreed.

"Are we still going to play cards?" Peter pondered.

"Yes, I'm not up to working on it tonight," James admitted.

"I've got to save my strength for detention with Filch tomorrow," Sirius muttered.

"Filch? That's bad luck," James said. The boys' over the years had made the caretakers life rather miserable and Filch was not above retaliation at every opportunity.

"I suppose most of the Professors would rather watch the game than babysit me, but Filch on the other hand…" Sirius shrugged. "I'll survive it. I hope you know that I expect there to be a celebration in progress from your spectacular defeat of Ravenclaw tomorrow when I arrive back to the Tower."

James laughed. "Of course. So Peter, do you want to go first?"

The rest of the evening was filled with laughter and light hearted banter. As the boys climbed into bed, James turned out the lights feeling better physically as well as mentally. He was more ready for the Quidditch game then he'd been when the night had started. It was naïve to believe that everything would go back to how it had been before. The shadows of the last few months would always be with them. As James closed his eyes, he couldn't help pondering the importance of the Map that they were planning to work on. After all it had been a secret that had brought four very different boys together; perhaps another secret would be the very thing to do it again.