You know I don't. His words repeated in my head like a broken record, echoing through my convoluted state of mind. It mattered to me that he not love Astoria on the basis that they weren't going to last anyways, and that nothing was genuine between them, just a forced arrangement.
His breath was in my face, desperate and hot. I briefly considered that he could be lying to me just to see where it would go, but at that point everything felt out of control. His hands were on my upper thighs, squeezing me, his eyes lustful. The bathroom was so dimly lit that everyone looked tanned and mysterious.
Draco appeared agitated by the uncertainty in the air and turned his head, snarling at the the girls in the corner, "Get out!" They had stood up giggling and stared at me directly on their way out. I still felt butterflies in my stomach about the inevitable spreading of rumors. Malfoy was clearly out of his normal state of mind and it didn't feel right to indulge his public choices of affection. Would he be even more hateful towards me in the morning when he realized what everyone had seen? What I had allowed to happen? Would he feel taken advantage of?
My sense of awareness snapped back to reality when I heard the loud click of the bathroom lock. He walked along the wooden stalls, smashing them all open one by one with the side of his fist to confirm their vacancy. I felt increasing nervousness building in my gut as it became apparent we were entirely alone and something wrong was about to happen. I stood up from the sink and caught myself on the edge. The euphoria was still coursing through my veins and I was fighting a deep, throbbing feeling to throw myself at him and have my way. It was almost like a love potion level of domination that my body had over my rationale.
He finished shoving in the last stall and turned to look at me with an amused expression, "Take it easy. I'm not going to hurt you." I stood glued to the spot curious as to why he had to clarify that. Perhaps because I was shaking, but not from fear - from hormones and butterflies and anticipation. My mouth was open as I tried to breath normally through the lustful and untidy thoughts crossing my mind.
He strode confidently back towards me with his hands in pockets, grinning snidely, his eyes locked onto mine with a wicked look. Then he grabbed me with a huff and threw me back onto the green, cold counter and started kissing me again with renewed passion. His body was between my legs and I wrapped mine around him drawing him in closely. Even though the bathroom was markedly cold both of us were sweaty from being high and our touch was wet and hot. I tugged at his drenched shirt and he took command, ripping it over his head and returning to my lips greedily. I eyed his athletic form with a groan and ran my hands down his chest and abs, stopping to pull at the band of his joggers.
He was bunching my dress up rapidly and his hands ran up underneath the fabric, his thumbs ending at the edges of my panties where my thighs creased. Then he brought his hands around my waist and pulled me to the edge of the sink so I was barely perched on it, my back temporarily arched from the jolt. I felt my heart in my throat as he pulled back just long enough to take one hand away and shove it in his pocket, pulling out a flask and undoing it with his teeth. He chugged back some of it, eyeing me, and then handed it to me. I didn't object and gulped down the fiery liquor as though it was medication. Instantly I felt my high returning to it's peak and gasped staring down at the metal container. There was a growing throbbing in my lower abdomen and my heart was racing again.
"Don't worry, it won't be too intense." He said hoarsely, looking at my worried expression, his blue eyes resting on my lips. I gaped at him wondering if he was referring to the drugged liquid in the flask or the immanent sex, "I need you. Tell me you want this and I won't hold back." He looked at me with ferocity. His face was cold and hell-bent, like he was selling his soul to the devil out of desperation. I wasn't even sure if he was really asking at that point, it seemed for all the world that he was going to do whatever he wanted with me regardless of my answer.
My body shot from a somewhat rested state to an animalistic one. I had no control left, grabbing him by the neck and pulling him into an aggressive kiss. He responded by putting one hand on my lower back and snaking one up between my legs to literally rip my panties off of my body. I opened my mouth in shock and he stuck his tongue in to dance with mine hungrily. His fingers were inside of me, darting in and out of the drenched area. We were both groaning and I felt my body heaving towards his on the precarious counter edge. I scratched his back, craving more.
I could feel him pulling his pants down between my legs and positioning himself. His heart was racing at a dangerous speed against my chest and I felt him pull back mere inches, panting against my lips, "You sure? Don't take this lightly. This isn't a thoughtless commitment you're about to make."
What commitment? I thought to myself, forcing down a responsive laugh. It wasn't my first time, and if he was worried about taking my virginity then he was off the hook. I just looked at him, our faces so close, "Give it to me. Now."
He kissed me again and I saw that his eyes were closed, his brows furrowed in concentration. His eyes were squeezed very tightly. I felt his tip pushing at my sobbing entrance, sliding slowly into me. He was gasping and having trouble maintaining kissing me. He was leaning his forehead against mine, hard, a look of sheer shock and elation across his pretty face. He had impressive length and I moaned loudly at the raw intrusion between my folds.
He penetrated deep, slowly, sensually, kissing me passionately when he could bear it. I saw his eyes flutter open and look into mine as he dug deeper and faster, the tantric connection was unlike anything I had experienced before. It was like he was claiming me as his property as he merged our two bodies. I was throbbing so hard, trying to force down the climax from occurring too early. My hands pulled at his long hair and dug into his back and I was faintly aware that my cries of pleasure were probably loud enough to be heard from the common room. His hands were positioned on my hips pulling me towards him to fight against his strides.
The euphoria was building so heavy and fast I had to break the kiss to prevent it from ending too soon. I kissed along his bare neck and then bit into his shoulder. I heard him whisper swear words against my hair, then, "It's so tight. I-I can't.. Madeleine, I'm going to.. I'm going to.." There was a faint trace of serious fear laced into his words but I ignored it.
I pulled back and kissed him aggressively to stifle my own screams as I climaxed, my arms draped over his shoulders. I felt myself convulsing against him and he whimpered, losing control entirely. He was pulsing inside of me, gripping me so tightly I thought he might rip my dress right off of me. His lips pushed against mine hard. Then he pulled away again to look down with his forehead against mine, his body shuddered and his eyes were squeezed shut again. I soothed the back of his head and neck, my own world still spinning with stars.
We stayed that way for minutes to pant and regain a grip on reality. He pulled himself together and I heard his pants return to place. He stepped back with a completely unreadable expression on his face as he eyed me up and down, as if he wasn't sure how he'd gotten into the bathroom with his shirt off. It looked like he had just woken up in my arms. He swallowed hard and I saw his pointed Adam's apple move up and down. He looked away running a hand through his platinum locks. I could tell he was still very inebriated and was trying to think clearly about something and struggling to do so.
I jumped down from the counter and quickly uttered a scourgify for the mixed fluid collecting between my legs. I reached out to him as he pulled his damp shirt back over his head and flicked his hair out of his eyes. I pulled his head down into a gentle kiss wrapping my arms around his neck. He looked into my eyes after a while and whispered gently, "Sorry." He swallowed again loudly and then he was gone, having released himself from my grip and disappeared out the door.
I left the bathroom with a loopy look on my face. I was so pleased to have finally had an excuse to get with Malfoy I had completely forgotten about meeting the Gryffindor's at the party. It wasn't even that late, barely midnight, but instead I stumbled up the stairs to my room feeling spent from the high and drunk state that had perversely dictated my entire night.
In the morning I woke to Hilda nudging me with her wand. She was poking it into my cheek with an expression of entertainment and impatience on her soft features. Her brown wavy hair was hanging down over her face.
"Uhhn," I groaned, opening one eye with disinterest. I must have slept in a crooked position because my neck was absolutely killing me.
"Get up, Frenchness! I need to know everything. And I mean everything. Do you have any idea what people told me when I got back here last night?" Her voice was high pitched and ravenous.
I sat up rubbing my dry face and struggled not to lurch vomit over the edge onto all of my plants. "You look awful," She mused cruelly, "Like you look fucked up. Your hair is matted into one monstrous beast."
I snapped a hand out to shove her backwards and she dodged it with ease, "So glad.." I started then heaved, calmed myself carefully before continuing, "So glad dat you are feeling excellent today. Non me." I put a hand on the back of my sore neck rubbing disdainfully.
"I bet you feel horrible after getting pounded by Malfoy. I bet it was just horrible," Her eyes were shiny with a knowing look and I rolled my stiff eyes.
"Not surprise, every body find out." My voice was weak and I stared at a discarded high heel on the floor trying to remember the intricate details. Not everything was a mystery though, as I consciously took note of the soreness between my thighs and saw swimming images of Malfoy moaning.
"How could they not! You two were snogging in the middle of the room and then kicked people out of the bathroom before locking yourselves in. Apparently Malfoy went home this morning on a surprise family visit. What did you do to him!" She had sat back on her bed and was crossing her legs, rocking back and forth.
"What 'appened wit' Astoria?" I changed the subject narrowing my eyes at her.
"Oh Merlin, she also went home after she spent hours in the infirmary. Her parents showed up around midnight looking right furious. They said they were going to make sure Malfoy paid handsomely for his abandonment of her." Hilda sounded unimpressed, "Then Pomfrey kicked me out. By that time I was sober and when I got back everybody was drugged out of their minds and I couldn't find you anywhere. You were up here passed out looking like...like this." She gestured to my rumpled dress and matted hair.
"Hmmm...,"I moaned sounding sickly, hardly paying attention, "Dat is probably why 'e 'as gone home."
"Maybe. Did you, you know..." Her eyebrows raised. I just nodded with a sheepish grin. I couldn't stop rubbing my neck and it was giving me a headache. She clapped a hand over her mouth and screamed, "Wow, what a defeat! You took Draco Malfoy's virginity?"
"WHAT-" I glared at her suddenly feeling all nausea temporarily glide away with the adrenaline.
"Oh pfft, everyone knows. Montague wouldn't shut up about it last night. Zabini was agreeing with him. He was a virgin when he went into that bathroom with you. They all wanted him to just get it over with since he was the last one left." She was biting her lip in a devilish grin and I came horrifyingly close to vomiting.
"What... Oh non, l'impossible." That was probably not good. I had wondered if he had been a virgin, but then ruled it out quickly due to his charm and confidence. He was constantly surrounded by girls throwing themselves at him. He had already been unstable before then, now what would this mean? Would he be angry or clingy? Was I going to be bullied by the boys for falling for a hookup scheme?
"Well, if it makes you feel any better," Hilda said, pulling out a sucker from her robes and popping it into her mouth, "Every girl in Slytherin is dying of jealousy. And Potter didn't even show up so I doubt he knows. Have your cake and eat it too."
I stared down at the floor and wretched everywhere.