There was only so much of the complex to run through. The games room had been fairly centralized so it must have only taken ten, fifteen minutes tops for my mindless run to take me to the outskirts of Dauntless. I didn't recognize anything around me. The garages were to the North; training rooms to the West. We Initiates had literally no reason to end up in the Southern block of tunnels where I'd finally slowed down.

A light from the swipe lock blinked red at me next to the heavy door I'd stopped in front of. It matched the stairwell door that Eric and I used to go running - had that really only been this morning? It seemed an age away after hours of simulations and career talks.

I could open the door. It would swing open regardless of me having a keycard or not. My palms rested on the cool metal of the punch bar.

The adrenaline had burned down. My chest hurt from my efforts to regain my breath. It wasn't the running that had me exhausted; my morning runs did their job just fine of building up my endurance. No, the billowing of my lungs that just couldn't get enough air was from another familiar sensation.

"This isn't a sim," I whispered fervently to myself. "You're not in danger. You're fine. You're fine."

Still I looked at the door in front of me. Solitude, earnest and complete, was beyond it. Initiates couldn't leave the faction without supervision. I couldn't be followed out there. Al couldn't-

I pressed against the bar, shoving the door open. Humid air rushed in greedily; this tunnel must have been close to the surface, and the ones that passed through Factionless territory weren't ventilated in the same way Dauntless' were. Leaning heavily against the door, I hovered in the doorway between zones.

I would have to come back inside eventually, which would only lead to me getting in trouble for having left in the first place. Taking another hit to my ranking wasn't an option. I was doing well in Phase Two. I'd need to continue to do so to get over my rogue moments in Phase One. I concentrated on the simple logic of my rank to override my panic.

That was being Dauntless. Doing the tough thing even when it would be easier to give in to fear and emotions.

I let the door shut and stood once again in the cool hall of Dauntless. Facing back towards the Pit and familiar territory, I paused. Where did I want to go? What did I want to do, now that I'd run away? I tugged my hair out of its tie and slowly gathered it once more into order. The practiced, simple motions were soothing. I ran my fingers through the end of my ponytail once it had been secured.

One step at a time was all that I could conclude. I worked my way to the end of the hall taking as much time as possible. The hall met with another. Neat signs were posted which simply stated I was in a maintenance section of the complex. Reading one took up another whole minute. It didn't answer my question of where to go, but it was better than letting my heart race to a jackhammer's pace once again.

I turned and followed the larger hallway. Eventually it would lead me back to the Pit. Slow, consistent footsteps brought me closer and closer to familiar ground. I ran into Dauntless moving around through their typical lives. Some nodded in greeting or completely ignored me.

I spotted a familiar blue-streaked hairdo among one of the groups. Our eyes met and Lauren tipped her head. Her hand dropped to hover over her hip for a moment before snapping up to wave me over instead. I dutifully jogged over to them.

"Tris, strange to see you wandering around south side," she said. I stiffened before Lauren quickly switched topics. Gesturing to the two other girls with her, she introduced me as one of her "borrowed" Initiates.

"Four's technically in charge of the transfers, but you guys need some Dauntless-born smarts, I think, to be properly well rounded," she said with a chuckle. Her friends laughed along with her.

Lauren invited me to walk with them back to the Pit after they picked up their laundry. I recognized the tactic - Susan often made up excuses to get me to walk with her and before I knew it she'd be grilling me on who made me cry at recess. The problem was not having a good reason why I couldn't walk and chat with Lauren now. I accepted the offer warily.

I stayed on my guard as best as my over-tired emotional state would allow. Except there was no interrogation. Lauren's friends made some references to last year's Initiation - apparently it had been Four's first time doing it and it had gone even less swimmingly than ours was - before switching to chatter about other things. Old flames, Erudite's harsh critique of Abnegation, and tomorrow's breakfast all came up as topics of equal interest.

We backtracked to the laundry room. Getting swept up in the mundane task of folding shirts was relaxing. It reminded me of home. Of my old home. Lauren's friends didn't seem to mind that I didn't talk much, content to carry the conversation that was now about new tattooing styles.

I offered to carry one of the baskets as we headed back towards the Pit, but Lauren shook her head. "It's my own damn fault for waiting so long to do a wash," she replied wryly.

And… that was it. We got to the Pit and the three girls waved goodbye to me like we'd been friends since school. I left with a genuine smile on my face as I turned to go back to my dorm. Sleep. That would be the final lynchpin to feeling better. Lauren and her friends had done a great job of keeping me distracted. I had a funny feeling she'd known somehow that I was upset.

When I got to my bunk, I spotted Al's head on his pillow. My fingers curled into a fist but I wasn't consumed by the rush of panic that had driven me to the far reaches of Dauntless.

He was faking being asleep. His breathing was too slow. Was he waiting for me to apologize for causing a scene? Did I need to say anything at all? I took in a deep breath and exhaled. No. No, I didn't. I just had to go about my life. Tomorrow would be another day.

It did help that I chose to wake up before my friends as usual. Over the course of the night I'd woken to the sound of Al shifting in the bunk above me. It had never bothered me before then. I grimaced now as I pulled on a lightweight t-shirt. Al had really made a right mess of things.

Focusing on getting ready for my run let me ignore the shot of tension that followed his latest shift on the bed. I grabbed my water bottle and fled from the dorm.

Eric caught me in the mess hall. He was lingering by the main entrance looking too tired to even glower at those who passed by. I waved two fingers at him and help up my water bottle with the other hand. "Gimme a minute and I'll be all set," I said.

After filling the metal bottle with fresh water - today's was a mixture of peach and mint - I walked back to him. He wiped at his face with one palm as I approached, and I realized suddenly that those dark circles under his eyes weren't just from the early wake up. Eric looked like he hadn't slept well for days. Still, he pushed off from the wall with his typical vigor.

"Got a different plan for today," he grunted. With a twitch of his head he gestured for me to follow. I swallowed my concerns as he nearly outstripped me just walking through the halls.

"We're not running today?" I asked instead. He lead us still towards the training area, stopping once to let a returning squad pass through. I nearly protested the sudden arm across my chest and shoulders that pinned me to the wall. That was until I spotted the way the patrol was armed with heavy rifles and tense expressions.

"Back from the fence?" I murmured to Eric as the squad stomped past. Eric shook his head once. The flick of his eyes to mine sent a clear message.

Don't ask.

Alright then. Maybe there was a reason we weren't running above ground again today.

The squad passed by and Eric dropped his arm. He cleared his throat before walking once again. I kept close to his elbow this time, my eyes casting over at him every few minutes. He still didn't say anything. We arrived at our original training gym, the one that we transfers had started off in.

"I thought one of the Corporals was using this one for the week?" I asked lightly as Eric rolled the door open. He grimaced and rolled it right back.

"Yeah," Eric sighed before swearing under his breath. He rubbed at his face with one hand again like he had in the cafeteria. "Alright. We just need somewhere quiet. C will have to do."

I asked yet again what we were doing if not running. He followed me through into gym C. The ropes course loomed ahead, taunting me with the memory of a few days ago. Doing that whole exercise had been exhausting. "Over by the low wall, that'll work," Eric gestured.

He leaned against the wooden slats that countless trainees had scrambled over. I took up a position opposite him, tossing my water bottle lightly between one hand to the other. "I wanted to talk with you today. Figured it might look less like favoritism if we weren't doing some sort of drill," Eric said by way of explanation.

I raised an eyebrow. "You're gonna have me do a ropes course by myself?" I asked.

His initial response was a lift of his shoulder. "It's the low wall. That's doable alone. Give it a shot," Eric countered.

Sighing, I placed my water bottle on the ground by one of the tires used in the previous section of the course. Complaining wouldn't deter Eric; he'd still expect me to try and succeed eventually. I did need to limber up, first. Stretching one arm across my chest I looked pointedly at Eric.

"Okay, so let's talk then," I said.

"What is it you're afraid of? Fundamentally, I mean. You're supposed to be thinking about this for next phase, and I want to know what you've come up with so far," Eric said. My stretch faltered and I turned my head as I switched sides like it was all intentional.

It was a perfectly fair question to be asked during Initiation for the faction of the brave and the bold. Our fears - or at least how we handled them - would determine who would stay and who would leave. I exhaled slowly before answering. "Well, I know there's something with that ocean sim," I said. And my Divergence. That was certainly something that loomed in the back of my mind constantly.

"We'll get to that later," Eric said, dismissing my only solid answer I could give without exposing my secret.

"I'm not afraid of the dark or anything like that," I replied. "Heights… suck but they don't leave me terrified. I did fine at the walk around on the wall in Phase One. I haven't been sure what else to think about."

"What about everyday things; moments that hold you back from what you could be doing?"

I reached down to touch my toes. My fingertips could comfortably touch the ground now. Before Initiation I had trouble reaching the tops of my sneakers. "I hate Peter. Arrogant people like him. But I don't always stand up to them even though like I'd like to," I suggested. "Does that count?"

Looking up from the stretch, I saw Eric's mouth twitch in a smile. "What would you like to do to arrogant people?" he asked, avoiding my question.

"Show 'em up. Prove they aren't all they think they are," I replied. After a beat I chuckled and added, "Maybe sock 'em in the jaw when they get too unbearable."

As I stood once more I could have sworn I saw Eric nodding from the corner of my eye. It was hard to tell. It wasn't very Abnegation of me to want to punch people, though it would have felt real nice sometimes to have dealt with the "Peters" at school.

I approached the low wall. Reaching up on my toes I could just get my fingertips on the edge of the boards. "That isn't really a fear though. Just something to keep an eye on so you don't get too reckless," Eric suggested. "What else?"

My feet kicked uselessly against the boards as I first tried to pull myself up by arm strength alone. That wasn't going to take me anywhere fast until I spent a few more hours focused on pull ups. There was always something to do, something to strive for, as a Dauntless. I let go of the top board and massaged my fingertips.

"I like challenges, so I'm not afraid of trying something that's too hard," I mused out loud.

"Like this wall?" Eric teased. He turned to face me and tapped the top with his palm. "You need a better grip. Then try to pull up once more."

I took a few steps back to give myself a running start. With the added momentum and a jump, I was able to get my whole palm up on the edge with one hand. The other was still grabbing by my fingers, but after a second of flailing I got my palm up there, too.

"Keep thinking. What holds you back?" Eric said. Trying to focus on the wall while continuing the conversation was difficult. My forearms started the first wave of protest of being used in this way.

"Uhm," I stammered. "Give me a minute." I brought one foot up to press against the flat of the wall. That gave me a better balance, but I didn't have enough force in my arms still to be able to move up like I needed to. I let go and toppled backwards, landing hard.

Eric tipped his head at me. "It's a simple question. Don't leave me hanging here," he said.

I flexed my hand to stretch out the muscles there. "I don't know," I said earnestly. "Indecision?"

He snorted and shoot his head. "Not from what I've seen in you. Certainly not as a fear," Eric replied.

Another running jump got me back that better grip on the boards. The flat of one foot pressed against the wall as I moved up the other one. If I hauled myself up now… My legs helped where my arms faltered until I got one elbow on the top edge of the wall. That gave me better leverage to swing one foot up. Halfway there and running dangerously low on steam. Grunting, I pushed with all my might on my elbow to roll up and over.

"Ack!" I yelped, coming immediately crashing down on the opposite side. There was a thin mat that my forearms slapped against painfully. It was better than concrete, but boy did it knock the breath from my lungs.

Eric walked calmly around from the other side. "Nicely done," he commended. I nodded tightly before pushing back to my feet.

"What next?" I asked.

He gestured to the other side of the course to another wall. "Where else? Onwards and upwards," Eric said. I sighed.

Even with my best running jump I could barely touch the bottom edge of the board that made up the top of the next wall. It really was intended for teamwork. When we'd run through the course, Christina had been hoisted up by myself and Lynn to make it up. I looked pointedly at Eric. "This isn't happening on my own," I said.

He studied me before nodding. "Asking for help, also not a problem for you. Though maybe you could have asked before the fourth run up," he said. Then he laced his fingers together and knelt at the base of the wall.

Part of me had hoped that he would have just told me to try another challenge. I re-stretched my palms before stepped next to him. "Come on," Eric coaxed. Grimacing, I stepped one foot onto his laced fingers. My hand went on his shoulder.

We'd been close before. Sparring during the mornings of Phase One had obviously forced us into close contact. But that wasn't the same as using him as a human step stool. "You stopped thinking about my questions," Eric said as he started to lift.

I had to grip him pretty hard until I got my balance in order. My other hand went on the wall in front of me, and I pushed up with my leg that was on him. Now I was tall enough to get my hands on the top of the wall. Then it was just a matter of force, just like the last challenge.

As soon as I had both hands on the top, I felt Eric's hands shifting under the heel of my boot. For a split second I was dangling by my arms alone until he gripped my foot again. Another hand came up to shore up my calf now that his grip had changed. My thoughts froze for a minute as I hovered there.

"Prior?"

Right. Keep moving. I pulled with my arms and hopped as best I could from his hand. I had a better time of it now, not falling into the same traps I had on the shorter wall. Again I got half of me over the edge. This time I was careful to rest my foot on the shelf just on the other side of the wall before rolling the rest of me over. No falling.

I looked down at Eric on the ground. He twitched his head for me to join him again there. A quick scramble down the rope ladder brought me around the wooden wall. "That went okay," I said lightly.

He was looking at me. Then he took a small step forward. I had to tip my head to keep meeting his eyes. "Touch. You get hung up on touch," Eric said.

Part of me thought that he was going to touch me just to prove his point. I crossed my arms and rocked back on my heels. "I just- we didn't touch that much in Abnegation," I stammered.

Eric still hadn't moved other than his eyes which were studying every twitch of my face. I turned away to stare at the exit of the gym. "It's not a problem," I said more firmly.

He made a noise in his throat. "Mmm. It's something."

"Maybe," I admitted. "I still wouldn't call it a fear."

To prove my point I jabbed him in the arm with two fingers. "See? Not a fear," I insisted. He was quicker with reacting than I was expecting, his hand grabbing me before I could cross my arm over again. Rough calloused fingers closed around my wrist.

He stepped even closer. I echoed the motion, edging away. I scrambled to shove him off. As I did, I realized Eric's fingers were barely tight enough to make contact. They broke away instantly. I wrapped my arms around my torso once more.

"Don't- I-," I tried to say something. I was back in that dark hallway. Al's tall body was in my way. I closed my eyes.

Al hadn't apologized. Eric was now, his insistence breaking through the sudden onset of the memory. I took in a deep breath and shook my head. "I'm fine. Sorry, it just… A thing happened last night. I'm fine now, really," I explained.

Concern radiated from Eric when I looked back up at him. His hands were up with fingers spread wide. "That wasn't what I intended to happen," Eric insisted. He gingerly sidestepped until he was next to me. Slowly, one hand came to rest on my back. I continued to stare ahead of me.

What the hell was happening to me? Eric had touched me before. Plenty of people had touched me before. I didn't always like it, but I could always handle it without shutting down and shoving them away.

I thought more of the different times when people had touched me. While training, I was more in the zone and I'd always known when a punch was coming or when Four or Eric was going to correct my stance. It made me uncomfortable sometimes, but I always understood exactly what they'd meant. There were other times when a touch had thrown me off or completely ruined my mood. Just the thought of kissing Al during Faction had turned my stomach.

My face twisted, I turned once again to look at Eric. "Okay," I admitted. "Maybe that's one thing that holds me back."