Eric and I didn't get the chance to talk much after my realization. He'd sent me off to grab something to eat before training. It was earlier than usual and I got to take a bonus shower as well. The rest of my friends and fellow transfers were up by then, though I thankfully was able to avoid Al. He wasn't in the dorm when I had walked in with my corn muffin and nor had he reappeared when I finished my shower.

That was one piece of good luck. I skirted around my fellow initiates hurrying to get ready for the morning. Now every motion seemed highlighted to me. How close I got to people. How much I listened to see if anyone was behind me. The way that I tried to anticipate if Christina was going to just nod at me or duck into a hug.

All these things that I'd just… lived with. Without a second thought. I had never thought it was a fear, just an awareness come from my lifetime in Abnegation. I'd always shuffled out of the way of kids in the halls at school. And hated how close everyone was during volunteer hours at the supply depot.

Scowling, I dug through my trunk of clothes. Now that I was aware of it, I wasn't sure exactly what I was supposed to do. Embrace the reality of it? Force myself to get over it? Initiate more touching of my own?

I'd tried to figure out what Eric thought through mumbled half-questions. It hadn't worked, though that might have been more due me backpedalling away from outright asking him what I could do about it.

"Everyone has fears," he had said. The sentiment was lackluster and I had seen behind his eyes the wheels were turning. That was when he'd sent me off to eat.

I grumbled his words under my breath as I tugged on my last clean pair of shorts and a top that Christina had given me after our shopping trip. The vee of the neckline dipped lower than my tank tops usually did. I kept it on. Revealing clothes - not that a top like this was really "revealing" - had made me uncomfortable at first here, but I'd gotten over it day by day. Maybe I'd be able to do the same thing with touch.

Will came over and dropped unceremoniously onto my bed. "You ready for more needles?" he asked. I chuckled and shook my head.

"I don't think I'm ever 'ready' for the sims," I replied. He nodded, casting his attention then to Christina. It was his usual routine now - coming over to start some simple conversation with me before oh-so-casually addressing Christina. Not that she minded, either. She'd upped the quality of her makeup and dress over the past week. Hence the hand-me-down v-neck. It wasn't as nice as the higher end patterned leggings and crop shirt she'd picked up.

I let them talk, stealing Christina's mirror to put on the bit of eyeshadow and liner we'd worked out made me look halfway decent. Another benefit of the early end to my morning regimen. It kept me distracted until I heard my name and Al's come up.

"He's just hoping things might be getting better," Will said. "Everyone's sort of settling into the life here. Me, you, Al, Tris. Dating's a part of that."

Christina's mannerisms had shifted since I'd last looked up. Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest and her back was rigid. "You've got eyes, Will. You've seen how uncomfortable Al makes everyone with his crush," she said. "It's not subtle. Tris hasn't been subtle."

I put Christina's mirror carefully down on her pillow. My hands had a tremor to them. I clutched my fingers into fists to get it to stop. "I'm also right here," I said with forced lightness.

Will turned to me. "I know you're right here. I just didn't know how to talk about it to you," he admitted. "But I think that you might want to give him a chance. Everyone's sort of changing and he's really been laying off the awkwardness - I haven't seen anything since that day he got shot."

"The day that I shot him, you mean," I retorted. Will shrugged. Christina started to say something, but I cut her off. I didn't need her to fight this one for me, but if Will still didn't listen then maybe I'd let her handle it.

"Al makes me uncomfortable. He keeps trying to put moves on me," I said shortly. "He needs to stop."

Will threw his hands up. "How're you supposed to know if you'd like him if he doesn't put moves on you?"

"I told him to stop," I hissed. "Last night. Why the hell do you think I didn't come back to the games? I said no. He kept pushing. Guess what, Will, I'm not changing my mind. He can get the hell over it."

Christina sat down next to me, her stiffness melting into concern. "Did he-?" she trailed off even as her hand cupped mine. "I didn't know anything had happened."

It was a lot, especially after this morning's realization. I shook my head and rubbed at my eyes with the heel of my palm. I would not cry over this. I'd wasted too much time and too much frustration over Al already. I did squeeze Christina's hand in appreciation though.

"He didn't try to force anything, but I had to literally yell at him that I wasn't interested to get him to stop," I admitted. Looking up at Will I was relieved that his happy-go-lucky expression had finally fallen as he listened to what I was saying. Still, I wanted to put this to bed. Now. "Flirting is one thing. Showing interest is one thing. Not stopping and assuming that it's just because someone's nervous or - god forbid - was Abnegation is just wrong."

Will gave a small nod. He stayed quiet and contemplative. Christina hummed and pulled me into a tight hug. "Sorry we didn't go looking for you," she whispered.

I hugged her back, rocking to the side to add some levity to everything. "S'all good. I ran into Lauren eventually. She took my mind off everything," I said.

Christina narrowed her eyes. "Someone's challenging my role as cathartic friend? Oh, no, no. That's not going to do," she said before breaking out into laughter. By now we were the only people left in the dorms. At least we'd had privacy for that whole uncomfortable conversation, something I appreciated for a moment before realizing-

"Shit, we're so late!"

The sims, which had already been taking the forefront of phase two, were bumped up to three times a day. I hadn't returned to the storming ocean simulation since Eric and I had isolated that fear which was nice.

Between sessions we got a crash course in some mental techniques to apply to confronting our fears. I'm pretty sure that Peter fell asleep during the guided meditation section, but I at least could appreciate the half hour of quiet with just Sgt. Barnes' voice telling us about waterfalls and endless grassy landscapes. It was better than worrying if the simulation I was going to be put in was going to conjure up my other exposed fear.

In fact, I was more than a bit surprised that I hadn't been thrown right into confronting touch while under simulation. Neither Lauren nor Four said anything about it, either, for the next four days.

I couldn't even ask Eric about it. He was surprisingly absent once again. After the third morning of showing up to an empty training hall I'd asked Christina if she'd want to jog with me. She had wanted to, but actually getting up a whole hour earlier than normal was another story. This morning she'd rolled over and told me to try again when we hadn't spent all evening doing hand to hand refreshers with the Dauntless-borns.

I tried not to take the quiet mornings personally. Eric didn't owe me anything and he had made that comment about not wanting to show favoritism. Worse, though, was considering that it was all because of my fears. If I had normal fears like Christina - moths and heights - that might not have pushed him away.

After all, Eric liked touching. Sparring, sniper training, even on day one with pistols he'd been right there in my personal space. My admission of touch being more than just a hang-up leftover from Abnegation… it could have been too much. I couldn't have just been imagining things between myself and him being at least a little more than just interest in helping out a trainee.

And unlike Al, I hadn't wanted to send the message to Eric that he should stop.