The carriage Narcissa had sent us in to get to the train station was absurdly lavish. The interior was lined with gold fixtures and heavy black cloth. She had forced me to put on a formal black dress before leaving, reminding me that I now represented the Malfoy name in public.
I stared at Draco who was sitting across from me in his green school robes, staring right back indifferently. He had a menacing ability to hold eye contact with other people in an authoritative, unblinking manner. Something had changed again between us. In the past day he had hardened back into a cruel, snippy version of himself, and we were once again bickering pathetically.
To break the uncomfortable stare off I thought it would be amusing to start smiling at him psychotically. He rolled his eyes and looked out the window with a huff, "Do you ever compose yourself?" His deep voice hinted at discouragement. He knew that I could compose myself when I needed to, it was a low blow. I had sat with a very straight face on at Christmas Eve and did my best to impress his gruesome family.
"Do you ever smile?" I retorted, also resigning to watching the landscape slide by through the window. It was white and fluffy outside, a perfect snowy day. We were bouncing along through a heavily wooded road in rural Britain and there wasn't much outside the window to distract oneself with.
I had decided that I would need to prod him more productively for answers about what was going on.
He was possibly the hardest person to hold conversation with - he truly was a master of abruptly ending an already strained exchange. Talking, I had decided, was far from his strong suit. I still was left with so many questions; a pile of unanswered mysteries about what was going on between us. I knew then, at least, that he had specifically chosen me, on purpose, to take on his last name.
"You made me feel like this whole thing...like it could be something real instead."
The way he had said it implied that he might have authentic feelings for me, but since that night he had been stand offish again, as he was before the crest. He was acting like he had chosen me for my family status, or because Astoria was the worst possible alternative. Like he had moved from one trap to a slightly more bearable one.
I was convinced he had some kind of attraction to me that was deeper than just sexual, but if he did he was making it extremely difficult to extract. On top of that, I had gone and developed actual feelings for someone who didn't respect me at all. I knew in my heart that I was in trouble after our last hook up.
The carriage gave off an endless cacophony of wooden banging noises and metal screeching. The medieval form of transportation was neither comfortable nor ideal, and I fought the urge to question him about why his family would use such a ridiculous mode of transit. I probably had a limited amount of questions that I would be able to ask before we either reached the Hogwarts Express or he snapped at me, and I wasn't about to waste one querying about the carriage.
"You're staring at me again. Is something amusing?" He inquired without glancing up from the window. His blond hair was soft that day and he looked handsome in the sunlight in his green robes; his bright blue eyes were shining like icy orbs as he watched the snowy landscape glide by slowly. I hadn't seen him in full light for most of the time we had spent in the dungeon-like manor.
"Draco, we are going back to de castle now. What are we?" I nervously shifted in my seat and played with my gloves so I could release my anxiety. I needed clarification on what to tell people. No doubt all of the young witches who had been present in the infirmary the day of the accident had spread the news like wildfire. Harry, the thought came to my mind. Oh no, he had be awake in that room as well.
He turned to scrutinize me with a scowl. I could see he was partially forcing the cruelty but what his motivation was, remained unclear, "We are marked. Listen carefully."
He leaned forward clasping his hands over his knees to sneer at me, "It's unbreakable. Think of it as... engagement. It's not something that needs to be dramatized - keep it simple when people ask you." His gaze was threatening and commanding and I felt my mouth drop open in disbelief.
He had reverted right back to his wicked and offensive self as though the boy I'd come to know was all just a dream in my head. I struggled to respond, feeling a deep sinking in my innards. It had been possible to imagine dealing with the betrothal if he had acted like it was something he wanted, if he had continued to grow with me and open up. But here he was being an asshole and still expecting me to stay in the engagement. It would be hell.
"Engaged seems a bit dramatic, don' you think? What if I take off your precious crest? What den?" I responded, trying to control the rising fear in my voice.
He laughed, flashing perfect white teeth and shrugged, "If you can get it off, I'll personally bow down to you. No one in the entire history of the wizarding world has ever managed that."
"I'll cut it out!" I shrieked sounding slightly insane and he quirked an eyebrow in entertainment. He scanned my body with a sideways grin in an effort to embarrass me further before returning to meet my tearing eyes. The crest was now profanely burning into my neck as though it could hear my defiance.
"You'll bleed to death and believe me, even if you don't, it will always be there. Face it, you belong to me now. Should I make up a cute pet name for you?" He was taunting me, the look on his face was nasty and assertive.
My fists were curling up dangerously tight in my lap. His eyes flitted down to my body language and he shuffled as far away from me as he could on the opposite side, adjusting his robes as he did. It was hardly quiet. I was physically growling with helplessness and boiling anger. He stared out the window like I was invisible.
"You will not embarrass me at school, Madeleine," he stated after about thirty minutes had passed. I had finally begun to calm down somewhat while plotting strategies in my head for how I would deal with it all, when his voice started me up again. "You will be presentable. You will sit with me when it makes sense to. You will not fight with me in public. I will not have you staining the Malfoy reputation - I have been instructed to keep you under surveillance." He turned to look at me warningly, and a flicker of unease filled his stare, "Any nonsense from you will surely result in Lucius getting involved. You don't want that."
I sobbed, placing my elbows on my knees and burying my face in my hands. The expensive black petticoat coat that Narcissa had put me in was barraged with tear drops. My long hair fell over most of my face and it felt relieving knowing he had no more access to my expressions. He was vile. I almost wanted to hurl for having been so foolishly intimate with him over the past three days.
"Go ahead and cry, it's what you do best after all..." Malfoy mocked me through his teeth, shaking his head in annoyance.
Once my tears had dried and I felt numb inside I willed myself to look out the window again and tried to think clearly. The carriage was moving along main streets of London now, oblivious to muggles by an invisibility charm. Gradually it slowed and came to a stop outside of the train station.
Malfoy stood up to exit the carriage and my rage bubbled over randomly in that instance. The moment he opened the door I lifted my foot and kicked him out. He fell face first onto the ground cursing, and I rapidly emerged from the carriage so I could walk down his entire back on my way out.
It was at that point in time that I noticed Harry and Ginny had been talking outside of the station and were now staring with wild looks of shock at the situation. The carriage had a gigantic Malfoy crest on the outside and there I was, back from the dead nearly a month later, coming out of it with Malfoy himself, dressed in all black Malfoy clothing, and simultaneously beating him up. It must've resembled a scene from a bizarre fever dream.
I just stood there with absolutely no explanation, meeting Harry's bold gaze from across the entrance plaza. The driver was unpacking trunks and the mean looking owl from Malfoy's room. I felt a hand pull me back by my hood effectively choking me slightly. He spun me around so our faces were literally inches apart, "Strike one, Madeleine! You're lucky we aren't at Hogwarts yet, or this would be a very different situation." He was absolutely livid, seething, and I wondered for a moment if he was going to hit me. He finally let go of the arm that he was squeezing painfully and went to grab items from the carriage driver, oblivious to Harry and Ginny watching. I decided not to mention it to him.
We stood quietly side by side in the train station, anger swirling silently between us while waiting for the train to roll up. Not many students were boarding due to some having stayed behind at the castle, and some not returning quite yet. Still, I felt the hair on the back of my neck prickling as I recognized a few familiar faces staring at us and pointing. People were already talking, people we didn't even necessarily know. It would be a blood bath in the Slytherin common room. And I didn't even know how I was aloud to explain the situation yet.
Finally when the train came I felt a pang of relief that we didn't have to keep standing there, resenting each other in such an open public space. We boarded at the end of the line, and because I had absolutely no baggage concerns I felt like a free agent. I scanned into all of the cabins as we passed by them, desperate to find someone to sit with to get a break from Malfoy for a few hours. He was in front of me and I was lagging behind, searching frantically.
Without warning I found myself locking gazes with green-blue eyes and a scar, seated in the cabin I was peering into. I inhaled sharply. Harry's face was one of confusion but it was still soft and concerned. He didn't motion for me to open it but he didn't bat me away from the window either. We just stared, and it felt like we were a desert apart. I put my hand on the handle to pull when suddenly a larger one cloaked mine and I looked up into barbarous blue orbs, "Think sitting with Potter will fly with Lucius? Think again, princess. Keep it moving." His head was now blocking the entire window and I sucked on my lip uncomfortable with the reality that Harry would recognize the blond hair and that Malfoy had appeared to whisk me away.
He pulled me in front of him, and pushed me towards the back of the train. He then cornered me into a seating booth, both of us sat on the same side which was an odd thing to do. He put his head down on his crossed arms with exhaustion pulling his hood over his head, and I felt no pity for him. If he felt like he had to chaperone me, it was entirely his own doing. This wasn't pleasant for anyone involved.
The train started rolling and I slumped my head on the glass feeling dead and lost inside. I could feel Malfoy's body pressed up against mine but it did little to offer comfort.
"Trouble in paradise?" A sarcastic voice floated into our proximity as Zabini sat down across from us, crossing his fingers on the table and looking utterly stone faced. I slid my eyes towards him without moving my face from the cool glass window.
Malfoy sat up and rubbed his face, "Shut the fuck up, Zabini." The hood was covering his face from where I was looking, but his voice expressed all I needed to know. He was aggravated, probably having assumed he wouldn't need to speak during the entire train ride. Zabini's eyebrows were up and he had a malicious grin on his face suddenly. I braced myself, knowing this was one person out of hundreds who was about to confront us like this.