Paradigm Shift
Chapter 24: Trade-Off

Tai had been back a week, and while he knew Megumi had been staying in his flat the entire time, he had hardly seen her. He had made no effort to change his lifestyle, knowing that Matt and Megumi would instead choose to tiptoe around him. Indeed, they always seemed to come and go while he was out, and whenever he was in, they stayed in Matt's room.

Avoiding each other proved more difficult once the weekend hit. The morning had started okay. Both Matt and Megumi were late risers, so he had been able to move freely around the flat while they slept. He had eaten, watched some telly, and gone for a run in peace, but it was once he came out of the shower that he finally ran into Megumi.

"Hi Taichi," she greeted him warmly, the first time they had spoken all week. "Are you done in the bathroom? Do you mind if I wash up?"

He didn't answer, only stepping away from the door to make room for her.

"Have you had breakfast? Yamato just went out to get some groceries. If you want anything, you should ring him to let him know."

He wasn't sure why it made him so angry, but the familiarity in which she spoke enraged him. They had just spent the last week living under the same roof, avoiding each other.

"Don't talk to me like that."

She looked confused. "Talk to you like what?"

"Don't talk to me like nothing has changed," he clarified. "Matt may have forgiven you, but I haven't, so don't try to act like you're still my friend, or that this is your home, or that you have any right to be here. It's infuriating, so stop being so shameless, and don't talk to me like that."

Megumi had catlike features that gave off an imposing, almost intimidating disposition. She always seemed to be so in control of her emotions to the point where he sometimes wondered whether she had any, but at the moment her sentiment was written plainly on her face. He could see the mix of fear and embarrassment as a result of the malicious cadence in his tone, but he didn't care.

"I know you haven't forgiven me yet, but I was miserable too," she offered. "I know you think I abandoned him—"

"You did," he interrupted.

"—but I thought about him every moment of every day. I never once stopped. That's why I came back, even though I had to give up my dream in order to be with him." She looked at him desperately. His rage burned harder.

"Well, aren't you a saint?" he said sarcastically. "You had the choice to break up with him, and you had the time to think about it before executing on that, and you had his goddamn contact information and had every chance to reach out to him—" He had meant to follow Matt's usual cool tone, but he caught himself raising his voice. "You had all of that and more, but you had to give up some job, so you're right. It must have been the same thing he went through. My bad."

"Don't minimise others' pain, Tai," she said to him, sounding angry now and her eyes flaring. He could probably make her cry if he said the right thing. He felt a sadistic need to make that happen.

"Aren't you the one who's doing that? You're taking advantage of Matt because you know he'll forgive you, but I doubt you know anything. You weren't here to see him. You have no idea how desperate and broken he was every single day. I'd never seen him like that before. I thought he was going to kill himself."

Her eyes turned mistier and redder with each word he spoke. He felt like he wasn't supposed to say these things, but he also knew Matt never would, and she should know.

"So don't stand in front of me and tell me to feel sorry for you or that I should try to understand you. If you didn't want to be with him anymore, then fine. You had the right to break up with him, but why did you do it that way? And why are you dragging him through this again? You've already ruined him once. Isn't that enough for you? Don't you care about him at all?"

She started crying as soon as she tried to speak, but what she said didn't make any sense.

"I can't understand what you're saying when you blubber on like that," he told her coldly. "Speak clearly."

She cleared her throat despite how rude he was being. "Did you really think he was going to kill himself?"

"Why would I lie about something like that?" was his response.

Tears brimmed her eyes again. It was weird for him to see someone as composed as her cry.

"But he had a girlfriend."

Yes, and they were getting along fine before you came back, he thought, but he didn't say it. He felt like that would actually be crossing a line to put words in Matt's mouth.

"You two weren't together. I don't think he did anything wrong by seeing other girls," he retorted. "You weren't here for any of it, and you don't know anything, so I really don't care what you had to go through or what you had to give up. You don't deserve him, but I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that. I'm sure you already know this yourself." He could hear the front door open, indicating Matt had returned. For a second, he feared what Matt would do if he saw that he had made Megumi cry. "The shower is yours if you want it."

He laid the bag of groceries on the counter and turned towards the hallway.

"Megumi?" Matt called out. She hadn't come out to greet him.

"Nope, just me," Tai answered as he emerged from the hallway and into the kitchen. "Meg's in the shower."

Now that he listened, he could hear the running water.

He and Tai hadn't really spoken that week aside from the obligatory greeting every now and then. He wasn't mad at Tai, though he could tell Tai was still mad at him. The best thing to do in this situation was to carry out as normal until Tai's mood improved.

"I'm making breakfast. Do you want some?" he offered.

Tai didn't turn in his direction. "No thanks. I don't want to get between you two."

"You know we aren't like that."

"I don't know. I thought I had a good grasp of you two, but now I can't tell."

He could sense Tai's animosity. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Tai didn't answer him, and he frowned, watching as his flatmate replaced breakfast with a protein shake. Tai was the type of person who wouldn't miss a meal for the world, so the fact that he wasn't even willing to eat with them meant he was still extremely upset.

"Are you still mad I got back together with Meg?"

"No, I'm mad at you for being a dumbass."

"What does that even mean?

"It means you're a dumbass, dumbass."

Finished with his shake, Tai left the kitchen for his room, taking two bananas Matt had just put out. Matt felt annoyed, but he let it go. Tai would get over it eventually.

He was making omelettes for them both when Megumi came out of the shower. He didn't ask, but it was weird to him that she had showered. She usually showered at night.

"It'll be ready soon," he told her as she walked up to him. From behind, she slipped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his back.

She didn't let go of her hug, confusing him.

"Is something wrong?" he asked her, turning his head sideways to try and see her face. He couldn't, but he felt her shaking her head against his shirt. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," she murmured. He felt her bury her face in further. "Yamato?"

"What is it?"

"I'm so sorry."

He was very conscious of the fact that she could currently feel every movement in his body, and therefore he tried not to react. "Why?"

She hugged him tighter. "For everything. If I could take back the last eight months, I would."

She was less comfortable with silence than he was, so he knew she was waiting for him to say something.

"You don't have to keep apologising to me," he added. "I've already forgiven you."

"I know," she said back to him. She kept her embrace and wouldn't let go. "It's just that when I think about how much you must have gone through, it—" Her voice broke, and she couldn't finish what she had tried to say.

He wanted to tell her it was okay. She had a guilty conscience that he knew would eat away at her, and she needed his reassurance, but at the same time, he wasn't sure it actually was okay.

He still said it, but he stopped short of telling her it hadn't been that bad. He couldn't bring himself to because it had. It had been that bad, and the more he thought it—especially as they stabilised—the more evident it became.

"Let's eat," he said to her finally, gently peeling her off of him. When he couldn't see her, he had felt a strange sensation. It wasn't negative, but it hadn't been empathetic either. Perhaps it was vindication. He didn't want her to constantly apologise to him, but neither did he want her to forget.

But when his eyes fell on her face, those feelings disappeared. In his eyes, she was the most beautiful woman in the world, but they had met when he had only been 14 and she 13. He'd blink and remember how she had been when he first met her, still awkwardly transitioning into her teenage years. He'd open his eyes and see her as an adult, the time in between filled with the memories they had spent together.

She was sorry, but he felt like he should be apologising too. The fact that he hadn't been enough for her at the time, the fact that she still found him closed off enough to where she couldn't even talk to him about it before leaving, the fact he had formed another relationship while she hadn't even looked. She had destroyed him, but the moment she had laid eyes on Mimi, he had seen the same devastation in her.

But he wasn't sorry.

No, he was. He was sorry.

"I feel bad that you're always the one cooking," she said to him, interrupting his thoughts. She was now setting the table.

"You know I don't mind."

She looked at him excitedly. "Maybe it's time for me to get my cooking act together. You know, I saw an ad for couple cooking classes online. Maybe we can take one together."

Mimi had dragged him to one once. He couldn't remember what they had made, but he remembered making a comment on Megumi that Mimi had called him out on at the time.

"I'm not interested in that sort of thing."

"Classic you," she teased.

He watched as she laid down three sets of silverware.

"Tai isn't joining," he told her.

She barely reacted as she picked up the third set, but he could tell it was bothering her. He didn't bring attention to it, but it was once they had sat down to eat that she said it first.

"I don't think Tai likes me anymore."

"He does. He's just frustrated, but he doesn't dislike you."

Matt was saying this despite Tai having explicitly told him that he no longer liked her.

He scooted his chair closer to hers and put an arm around her. They had never been so touchy, but since starting again, it seemed the both of them needed reassurance that the other was there.

His phone buzzed against the table, and both pairs of eyes fell to the notification. It indicated that his sister-in-law had sent a photo to their family group chat.

Megumi gasped, reaching for his phone and opening it for him. Her fingerprint was still registered on his phone. Kari had sent a picture of Kouki, who had fallen asleep while sitting on TK's lap. It was amongst the hundreds of other Kouki pictures currently stored in their group chat.

Almost immediately, everyone had responded.

'Goodness, Kari, put him to bed!' Mrs Kamiya scolded.

'He looks more and more like you two each day,' his own mother responded.

'LOL,' came Tai.

He was always the one who never replied, even though he assured TK that he always looked at them.

"Is this Kouki?" Megumi gushed, looking at the picture affectionately.

He was surprised by Megumi's reaction. Neither she nor he had ever really held any fondness for children. He supposed it was because Kouki was TK's son. Megumi had always adored his brother and sometimes treated him more like a little brother than he did.

It was ironic. When they were in school, he had envied Megumi's strong family-oriented household that had seemed like such a contrast to his own. Growing up, Megumi's family ate together every night. Matt, meanwhile, had often had dinner alone, eating his own concoctions while his father worked late and the other half of his broken family lived separately just a few minutes away.

However, whereas he and his brother continued to grow closer with age, Megumi and her younger sister drifted further apart, to the point where they were now family only by name. She often projected that love for her missing sibling towards TK instead, and TK had no problem reciprocating it. He and Kari had been together almost as long as he and Megumi had, and the four of them had often hung out together.

"Can we visit them?" Megumi asked him suddenly.

Without thinking it through, he agreed, and Megumi seemed so excited that he couldn't take it back. He hoped TK would be busy, but as soon as he sent TK a text that he'd be coming over, TK agreed too.

He knew there was a better way to handle it. He had already seen the shock on Tai's face, yet he couldn't bring himself to add the detail that Megumi would be going too. Tai was his best mate, but TK was the most important person in his life after Megumi. The possibility that he might reject her too was something he had to postpone for as long as possible, even if it was only by an hour.

Anyway, TK definitely had more tact that Tai.

Just in case, he decided to see if he could convince Tai to tag along. Despite how annoying he was currently being, Tai did have a knack of diffusing awkward situations that neither he nor Megumi could.

As Megumi went to get ready, he went to Tai's door, knocked once before entering.

Tai was seated at his desk and didn't even turn around to look at him.

"Meg and I are going to visit TK and Kari. Do you want to go with us?"

Tai looked up from his laptop, looking uninterested. "No."

"Why not? We're going to see the baby. When was the last time you saw them?"

Tai had walked over to the door, practically getting in Matt's face to make him take a step back.

Megumi appeared from his room. He wished she'd go back in.

"I visit them way more often than you do," Tai said to him. "Plus, I'm going to Sora's soon."

"Oh, that sounds like fun," Megumi offered. "When are you going to bring her around? I'd love to meet her."

Tai laughed condescendingly.

"Why would I want you to meet her?" Tai asked, barely looking at her and laughing as if it were so hilarious. He stopped abruptly and turned to glare at Matt. "Anyway, I'm working at the moment. Tell Kari I say hi."

He closed his door, Matt's nose just a few centimetres away from being hit.

This would usually spark instant rage, but Matt felt no such thing, and he turned to Megumi instead. She had already gone back into his room. He followed her in, closing the door behind him. She was seated at his desk, applying makeup to get ready to go out.

He thought about crafting an excuse for Tai—perhaps that he had been stressed at work—but there was no reason to create a constructed explanation.

Instead, he walked over to her and hunched over to embrace her from the back. He could tell he was throwing off her balance, but she didn't say anything. He watched her through the reflection in the mirror, and she finally caught his eye and told him to get ready too, even though he already was.

They stopped by her parents' home on the way to see his brother so she could pick up the gifts she had brought TK and Kari from London. He stayed in the car, not really wanting to face her parents yet, who almost certainly did not like that she was always staying with him. When she came back into the car, however, she said they wanted to see him. She packed his boot with the small gifts she had gotten them, and he noticed that she had also taken the jersey meant for Tai as well.

He had texted TK while waiting for her.

'We're five minutes away,' was what he sent.

TK finally responded as Megumi situated herself in her seat. 'Sounds great! 'We'? Are you bring Tai or Mimi?'

He had spent every waking moment in the last two weeks with only Megumi, so he hadn't yet told his brother. This had been deliberate, and he had kind of hoped Tai would be the one to tell them. He debated for a second whether he should give him a heads up, but Megumi's parents lived minutes away. He felt it was too late and decided against it, but it was when he rang their doorbell that he regretted it.

He felt his jaw clench as the door opened.

It was somewhat of a relief that Kari answered the door. She tended to have mild reactions, and indeed her expression barely gave away a hint of shock.

That being said, he could tell she was surprised, which meant Megumi most certainly could as well. He gave her shoulder a squeeze, even if he couldn't see her face.

"What a surprise," Kari greeted calmly. "Megumi, I didn't realise you were back in Japan."

"I am," Megumi said, sounding normal though Matt could sense her nerves. She had a way with sounding poised even when anxious inside. "Kari, it's so nice to see you! Congratulations!"

They hugged, and Kari ushered the two of them inside where TK was.

From everyone Matt knew in the world, he considered TK one of the friendliest. He was the type of person who could befriend strangers in an instant, genuinely interested in their stories. TK could avoid any awkward moment, break up any tense situation, and brighten any gloomy atmosphere. In every way that he himself was not personable, his brother was.

So why was he so nervous?

TK couldn't conceal his surprise to the same degree that Kari had been able to do.

"Hello," he said, clear confusion on his face.

"Megumi moved back to Tokyo," Matt explained, his expression not changing though he felt nervous pulsations in his ears. He was probably a little red.

He watched as TK scanned the situation, his eyes darting between him to Megumi to Kari back to him.

In a second, his expression changed to a pleasant smile. "That's great to hear. Welcome back, Megumi. How was London?"

It was only when he felt her relax her grip on him that he realised he had been so focused on TK's reaction that he hadn't watched for Megumi. She had been nervous too, but TK's words relieved her, and in an instant, she flew to give TK a hug too.

TK and Kari were welcoming in a way Tai had not been. They appreciated the gifts Megumi had gotten them, even though they insisted it wasn't necessary. They served them tea, asked questions, even congratulated them on getting back together. Matt felt it almost surreal after having walked on eggshells around Tai.

They couldn't see Kouki at first because he was taking a nap, but once he woke up, Kari brought him out in her arms. Kouki, as per usual, laid still against his mother's chest, staring but not really reacting.

"He's adorable!" Megumi gushed when she saw him, though she remained seated. "You two! I can't believe you two are parents!"

"We've been parents for a while now," TK said to her with a calm smile. He reached over to rub Kouki's cheek with his finger as Kari sat back down.

"Do you want to hold him?" Kari asked, beginning to peel him off her. Kouki struggled.

"Oh, it's okay," Megumi rejected quickly, looking alarmed. "I can just watch him."

Similar to himself, Megumi had never been one to love children, and as the day continued, Matt noticed she would not touch him even once.

At one point, Kari went to brew more tea and TK went to the toilet, leaving the two of them alone with Kouki. Still, Megumi wouldn't touch him, so Matt held him in his own lap. She made fun of him as he wiped Kouki's perpetual runny nose with a handkerchief. He had to stop himself from dryly telling her that someone had to do it.

Kari asked from the kitchen whether they wanted snacks as well, and Megumi used the opportunity to offer her help.

TK came back from the toilet and looked around, confused where the girls had gone. Matt told him that they were in the kitchen and pointed to the squirming Kouki in his lap, who was starting to get more fidgety and whingey. TK scooped up his son and looked at him in his eyes, examining him. Kouki whinged.

"I don't think he's gotten enough sleep," TK diagnosed as he stood up. "I'll put him down for another nap. Want to come with me?"

He followed TK to Kouki's room, pretended not to notice the endless gifts that Mimi had given them just a couple weeks prior. TK put Kouki in his crib, then turned to stare at him. Matt pretended not to notice that either.

In hindsight, he could have given them more context. It was obvious what they were thinking, even if they were too diplomatic to say anything.

"What are you doing?" TK asked him finally, his voice quieter than usual to keep Kari and Megumi from hearing.

"What?"

TK looked at him pointedly, refusing to repeat himself.

"Megumi came back, so we're together again. What's so wrong about that?"

"Because you just brought your other girlfriend over two weeks ago, and because what she did to you was awful. How can you forgive her like that?"

He frowned. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me. I'm worried."

He hated when TK worried for him. He was allowed to worry for his little brother, but not the other way around.

"You're making a mistake," TK added quietly.

"I'm not, and if the situation were in reverse, you know you'd want the same for Kari."

"That would never happen. Kari would never do that to me."

"You don't know that."

"I know it," TK said, with a soft confidence that annoyed him.

"Look, I know the world believes you two are in this perfect relationship, but believe it or not, people once thought the same of me and Meg."

"We aren't in a perfect relationship," TK refuted, "but whenever we have problems, we talk them through. Kari wouldn't just run away."

He glared at his brother, but Kouki started cooing, so TK looked down at Kouki's crib to soothe him back to sleep.

A silence filled the air as TK redirected his attention at his baby.

"But if she did," TK continued at last, "I'd want you to talk some sense in me too."

"Are you saying I'm being nonsensical?"

TK didn't respond, preoccupied as he pulled his fully awake son out of his crib. He cuddled him against his shoulder. "Go to sleep. You're sleepy."

Matt was facing TK's back and therefore made clear eye contact with Kouki, who immediately buried his face in TK's shoulder, whinging unhappily that he was both drowsy and awake.

TK and Kari shared responsibilities where he was largely inexperienced. They shared a bank account, they took out a mortgage together to purchase this current flat, and they had a child. TK was right. Kari wouldn't leave, and the addition of these obligations only added to the hypothetical complication. He and Megumi shared none of these, so even before everything had happened, he knew his brother had moved on faster in his life than he had in his.

Kouki turned away, face still pressed against TK's shoulder, a mixture of drool and liquid snot steadily flowing onto TK's shirt. This grossed Matt out, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he looked at the plush cheek Mimi had loved. TK had also had chubby cheeks as a baby, and he had a vague memory of his mother prodding them, showing him how to do it too without hurting him.

He reached out and rubbed his thumb against Kouki's cheek. Kouki babbled.

"Aw, he likes you," TK commented happily, apparently forgetting that he was actually upset. He moved Kouki from his shoulder, holding him out, wiped his face and nuzzled his nose against his. Kouki laughed, and TK bounced him a few times before nesting him back in his crib.

"You like Megumi," Matt reminded him. "She was like a sister to you."

"But she isn't."

TK wasn't looking at Matt, focused on tucking in his baby.

"She isn't my sister. She isn't in my family. You are, and if she did it once, then she has every capability to do it again. I don't want to see you like that ever again. That feeling is stronger to me than anything I once felt for her." He finally turned around, holding a fake smile in place that could have just as easily been a glare. "Do you really trust her that much?"

In their family, TK was the least likely to get angry. Because of this, everyone agreed that whenever he did, he was the scariest one of them all.

"I do. Do you really distrust her that much?"

"Why shouldn't I? She hasn't given me any reason not to," TK was still smiling at him, eerie when combined with his words. "You weren't the only person she threw away when she left."

"TK."

Kari's quiet voice cut through the room, and the brothers looked up to see Kari and Megumi at the threshold. It was obvious from their expressions that they had heard at least the last part of their conversation, made more obvious when Kari asked TK to help her with something to take him out of the room.

"…He hates me…" Megumi said when they had gone.

"He doesn't," Matt said, though he knew it didn't mean anything to her. "He's just being sensitive."

"…He hates me…" she repeated, and whatever he said afterwards did nothing to console her.

Kari came back to fetch them, and they congregated back into the living room, eating and getting distracted by the baby, who had not gone back to sleep and instead kept pining for his parents. He could feel Megumi's discomfort beside him and suggested they leave on account of the time, even though they had no other plans.

Kari insisted on them taking some fruit home. TK offered to pack it and surprisingly asked Megumi if she could help him. They left so that Matt was alone with Kari and Kouki, which raised his anxiety. What was TK going to say to her?

Kari smiled at him, it unpretentious compared to TK's fake one.

"Are you going to give me an earful too?" he asked.

She shook her head. "No. I was a little surprised too, but if this is what makes you happy, then I don't really have another opinion."

He didn't offer her a response. Sometimes, he found Kari so understanding that he couldn't actually believe she was real.

"I'm sure TK will come around," Kari added nicely. "He was really worried about you before, that's all, but we've both always liked Megumi."

He was sure she was trying to make him feel better, but he didn't. It didn't make him feel better to know that TK and Kari had wasted time feeling sorry for him when they had had a baby on the way.

TK and Megumi came back, TK smiling at something she had said. Matt couldn't tell whether his wide grin was genuine or cordial.

They left, and while he had assumed that they would head back to his place together, she instead said she wanted to go home.

"Why?" he asked, not understanding.

"My parents want to see me," she said, even though he knew that it was just some excuse she had made up.

"Fine," he conceded, and he drove her back in silence.

It was once he had parked his car in her carpark that he spoke again.

"What did TK say to you?" he asked, turning off the ignition. In case she'd tried to leave, he held her hand.

"He just apologised because I had overheard your conversation with him," she said, giving his hand a squeeze. "It was nice of him to say something. I tried to apologise to him too, but he wouldn't let me. I think it's because he couldn't bring himself to tell me it's okay."

The rage Matt felt towards Tai was missing when it came to his brother, but he felt disappointment all the same.

"He'll come around. He's just a little surprised, but once he does, it'll be just like before."

"You know, I've always seen him as a child, but actually he has grown up so much," she added. "I think this is the first time he's been so mad at me. Kari probably doesn't like me either, but she's too nice to say anything, and obviously Tai too has made it very clear that he hates me."

She wasn't very expressive by nature, nor did she ever show it, but he saw a sadness in her face that made his heart go out to her. He felt it was his fault for her ill-received arrival.

"Meg, I'm sorry," he said for them.

She looked down at his hand over hers. "Your friends and family have all turned against me, but I was hurting too."

He didn't know what it was. Perhaps subconsciously he had expected her to apologise back, but her words cut through his sympathy. He was almost angry.

He retracted his hand.

"That's what our trade-off is, I guess," he said without thinking. "You got to keep my number, while I got to keep my friends and family."

He heard the bitterness in his voice, confirmed when she looked up at him again. She looked hurt and embarrassed, and immediately his thoughts did a U-turn.

He apologised, not knowing what had suddenly came over him. He blamed it on his irritation towards his brother. Megumi apologised too, saying she shouldn't have said what she had said, then said she ought to head inside. He offered to greet her parents, but she declined and told him to go home. They kissed to say goodbye, and he watched as she disappeared into the apartment complex. He sat in the carpark for a while for no reason before heading back home.

Tai looked over Sora's shoulder to see who she was texting.

"Why are you always texting my sister?" he asked her blatantly.

She held the phone to her chest. "Why are you looking at my phone?"

"Why are you so worried that I'm looking at your phone?" he countered. "Are you hiding something from me?"

"No, I'm not you," she shot back with a poke in his rib. It tickled. "Kari just told me that Matt and his girlfriend visited them. That's all."

He lost interest.

"Oh, right. He told me they were going this morning."

"You knew? Why didn't you say anything to me?"

He raised an eyebrow at her shocked face. "Because I didn't think you'd care. I didn't realise you and Kari were gossiping about Matt behind his back."

"We aren't gossiping," Sora defended, frowning. "Kari just knows Mimi is my friend, and she really liked her."

Tai almost pointed out that Kari had also really liked Megumi, but he thought it was unnecessary. He couldn't even be sure anymore anyway. He had never really heard his sister speak poorly about anyone.

"Get back to work," Sora commanded.

Tai sighed dramatically as slid from the couch to the floor. He turned back to his laptop that was placed on the coffee table. Sora had suggested that morning that he start browsing job offers, but he admittedly was not actually trying very hard and instead kept getting distracted by the news and his work emails.

"I'm bored," he whinged to her, drawing his head back to look at her.

"Did you finish updating your CV?"

"No."

"How much have you completed?"

"I've done a bit…"

"How much is 'a bit'?" She looked down at him with a frown. "You're the one who said you needed me to force you to do this. I'm not going to feel sorry for you."

"Ugh, but you didn't have to take it so seriously," he complained. He closed his laptop and hopped back up on the couch. "Let's do something else."

"You're going to end up putting it off forever," she warned.

"I won't. I just don't want to think about it today. We can do something else."

"I'm not going to sleep with you."

He frowned. "That wasn't what I meant."

She smirked at him. "So if I said that's what I want to do, you'd say no?"

"I didn't say that…" He drifted off. "But that wasn't what I meant."

She must have felt bad for joking around with him, for she reached over to cup his face and kiss him. He wanted to pretend to be annoyed, but he knew he wasn't great at it.

"Then what did you mean?" she asked him into his smiling mouth.

He gave her another peck and leaned back. "I don't know. We can go on a date."

She looked at him with interest. "What kind of date?"

He had said it without actually thinking of a plan. "Er…"

She laughed at him and slapped him on the back. "Stop pretending to be sweet, and go revise your CV, Tai."

He groaned as pushed him to the floor once again, and he pretended to make progress for another thirty minutes before giving up. He bargained that they could pick an actual date and that he would really focus then. She agreed, but he guessed it was more because she could see how unmotivated he was at the moment.

They decided to instead go for a walk.

Within minutes, he felt happier, even though they hadn't decided where to go. He just liked being outside, and he didn't care where this would lead them.

As they walked through the gravel streets of Tokyo, he remembered how he had wanted to take Sora back to Hong Kong to do the same hike he had done, surrounded by a nature refuge. He wondered whether he would be able to find something similar in Tokyo. He made a mental note to look it up later, even though he was certain he'd forget about it.

"Let's go this way," he said, turning a direction he had never gone before. She didn't question it and followed him. They walked and walked with no destination in mind, out of the bustling streets of Shibuya and towards the outskirts of the city. The crowds disappeared, as did the need for sidewalks. They shared the pathway with the few cars that drove by and walked alongside train tracks and unmarked streets.

"I think we've started to trespass on people's properties," Sora pointed out as they passed too close to a cluster of homes.

"Don't worry about it."

"You're lost, aren't you?"

"We're still in Tokyo… I think…"

She sighed and reached for her phone. "I'll look up where we are." He picked it out of her hand. "Hey!"

"There's a park," he told her, pointing at a small sign up ahead. "We can go there."

It wasn't really a park as much as it was a small patch of greenery, but it provided them a place to rest anyway. They sat on a bench, and Sora took out the single rice ball they had between them from her bag. She had packed two, but he had eaten his much earlier.

"You can just have it," he told her as he watched her try to rip it down the middle. "I already had mine."

She successfully split it in half and offered him the bigger piece.

"It's like you're trying to make me feel bad," he said, taking it but not eating it.

"What do you mean?"

She took out a bottle of water as well and offered it to him first. He declined, and she took a sip. He watched her eat and reoffered his half back to her. She only took it after he insisted he wasn't hungry.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked him once she had finished eating.

"I'm just zoning off," he told her. "Why?"

"Because you look like you're thinking about nothing."

He frowned. "I'm just trying to chill. Are you insulting me right now?"

She giggled and nudged his chin with her fist. "No, I'm not. I'm envying you."

"Because I can think about nothing," he interpreted wryly.

"Because you're always so relaxed," she corrected. "Do you want to know what I'm thinking about right now? I'm still thinking about how you haven't finished revising your CV."

He groaned. "Can we not?"

"I'm not scolding you. I'm just saying here we are, two hours into this lovely walk to the middle of nowhere, and you've forgotten all about it. You're just thinking about how we're here, but my mind is still back in my flat, worrying not even about myself but your work. It's ridiculous, isn't it?"

"I still feel like you're giving me a backhanded compliment."

"I'm not," she insisted with another bump of the shoulder. She leaned herself against him. "I say this with the full understanding that it'll go to your head, but I wish I could be more like you."

"I am pretty good at thinking about nothing," he agreed jokingly, putting an arm around her. There were no people nearby, so she let him.

She laughed. "I'm referring more to your ability to turn off, mister. If I were you, I wouldn't be able to just relax like this. I'd be working on perfecting that CV all day."

He laughed too. "Well, just in case you doubted me, I haven't thought about it once since we left."

"I definitely didn't doubt you."

He thought about kissing her, even though they were in public. Making out in parks made him reminisce about his schooling years, when pupils would have to resort to the parks because they had nowhere else to go. Something told him Sora had not been one of those types of pupils.

As he was considering, she reached up to him instead, pulled him down to her, and planted a small kiss on his lips.

"I wish I could be as carefree as you, Tai Kamiya," she said to him before she leaned on him again, her back against his shoulder.

"Life doesn't have to be so serious," he said back to her. For fun, he pinched her cheek, which she hated. Indeed, she swatted him away. "Come on, I'll make you a deal. Today, we'll relax and do nothing, and next time, we can work on my boring CV because that's what you like. We'll balance each other out."

She laughed as she stood up, then reached an arm out so that she could help him up too. "Deal."

He pretended he needed her help to hoist him out of his seat, and she then made him stretch before walking again. She had recently discovered that he was athletic but not actually flexible, so she frequently made him try to touch his toes to help improve his flexibility. Secretly, he thought she just found it funny that his fingers could barely make it to his shins. Indeed, she laughed at him and pressed her hands against his back to try to help him reach further, but it only made him shout out in pain, which in turn made her shush him quiet for being too loud.

"Let's go," she told him, locking arms with him as they headed out of the park.

He wondered if she'd want to head back, but she led him further down the direction they had been heading.

He could remember again those words that his sister had told him once. Her best moments with her husband were the times when they were doing nothing at all. Tai hadn't been able to relate to her then.

Now, walking to nowhere and thinking of nothing, Sora at his arm, he felt at peace.

"Where are we going?" she asked him.

"I don't know. It doesn't matter. Let's just keep walking. Maybe we'll make it out of Tokyo."

Matt was staring at the TV screen when Tai entered his flat, but it wasn't even on.

"What are you doing?"

Matt blinked, as if he hadn't noticed Tai had come inside. He quickly turned the TV on to his father's channel.

"You're home," he greeted. "How was your day?"

Tai raised his eyebrow. "Why are you asking me about my day?"

"Because we're mates."

"Not mates who ask about each other's days," Tai mumbled, plopping on the couch beside him. "Are you trying to get me to ask you about yours?"

"No."

Tai smirked, which instantly annoyed Matt, but he forced himself to maintain a straight face.

"Have you talked to Kari today?"

Tai's smirk disappeared. "What?"

"Did she say anything to you today?"

Tai looked at his phone, wondering if there was something he was missing. He didn't have any missed messages from her.

"What are you going on about?"

Matt turned back to the TV and stared at it.

"What's wrong with you?" Tai repeated, and he suddenly remembered that he had gone to visit them. "Is this about how you took Meg to see them? Why? Did Kari say something?"

"No."

"I'm not going to keep asking you, so if you want so say something, just say it," Tai demanded irritably.

"It wasn't Kari. She was fine, but TK…" Matt frowned as the memory came back to him. "He was pissed."

Tai rolled his eyes. "What did you expect?"

He stood up to get himself a beer. He was not about to listen to Matt's dramatics while sober. He brought one out for Matt too, but he didn't touch it.

"Stop sulking. Nobody is going to feel sorry for you." Tai looked around. "I'm assuming she isn't here, or else she would have already tried to talk to me."

"Do you have to treat her like that?"

Tai scoffed. "Hey, at least I'm acknowledging her existence. That's better than what she did to you."

"If you're here to just insult her, just go."

"This is my flat too," he reminded him. "You can't kick me out of my own flat, and quite frankly you're lucky I haven't don't that to her to be honest. I'm already being very considerate."

He didn't actually think he was being considerate, but he did think he was being as tolerant as he could be. Matt tended to be the more logical one, whereas he tended to be the more understanding, but this was too much of a role reversal for him.

"She was like a sister to him," Matt said in that pitiful tone he had heard so often post-breakup. Tai wished it wouldn't make him feel bad for him, especially now.

"Then she would have the decency to say bye to him too."

Matt didn't respond, and Tai sighed loudly to make it known that he was annoyed.

"Look, whatever TK did or said, I'm sure he's just being careful. You can't expect any of us to be fans of her anymore. Just because you've forgotten that she once ruined your life doesn't mean we will."

"I haven't forgotten, Tai," Matt snapped suddenly. "Of course I haven't. I know better than you how I felt back then, but she's back, and now my life is coming together again. She makes me happy. Why am I not allowed to have that?"

"Nobody is trying to get in the way of your happiness. It's just that you're treating this like it's some phase, but it's not. You're supposed to move forward with your life, but you're just moving backwards."

Matt disagreed. His life had always moved forward with Megumi, and his setback had only happened once she was removed from his life.

"I admit she made a mistake, but we're trying to get past it together."

"Yeah, good luck with that," Tai answered sarcastically, downing his beer. "You can do that without me."

"You're in a relationship now too," Matt added, his tone shifted so that he now sounded like he was pleading for him to see from his point of view. "You probably can't imagine a life without Sora anymore, and you guys haven't even been together for a year. We were thirteen years. Can't you try to understand?"

At his words, Tai wondered how long it would take for him to get over Sora if they were to ever break up, how long that timeframe would extend the more he got to know her. He already felt so close to her after eight months, but what other aspects of her would he get to know in twelve more years?

He hated that Matt was making him reconsider.

"I wouldn't throw myself away for her," Tai answered.

"You guys are treating her like she killed a person."

"She almost killed you."

"No. She not being here almost killed me. I needed her, and she's here again. I don't want to lose her again because she thinks my friends and family all hate her, but that's what it's starting to look like." He slammed his fist on the couch. "She went home because she was so upset about TK, and she was also probably too scared to show her face in front of you. Tai, I…"

Matt looked down at his lap, his fists bunched up beside his legs. The energetic sound of the host on the TV programme somehow failed to fill the silence.

"I don't want to lose her again because my friends and family won't accept her."

Tai frowned, surprised that Matt had laid it out so flatly. "You can't live on the fear that she'll leave you again."

"But I do," Matt answered robotically. "I've been sitting here for hours wondering if she's at home regretting everything."

Tai suddenly felt a sympathy for him, who was usually so proud that he would never admit to something like this. He could see that his ears were turning red from embarrassment.

He sighed begrudgingly. "So what do you want from me?"

"Can you try to be nicer to her?" Matt mumbled, almost incoherent.

Tai finished off his beer, watching Matt. He was still looking down at his knees. Tai couldn't really see his face, but it was probably red too.

"I don't want to be nicer to her," he admitted.

"Can you do it anyway?"

Tai frowned again. He reached over to open the beer that he had gotten for Matt and drank from it himself.

"Tai, I'm begging you. Can you try? Please." He had mumbled it, so he repeated it again in a clearer tone. "Please."

He could remember the beginning of their breakup, when he had still felt sorry for Matt. He could remember being surprised then at how pitiful the proud Matt had become, and even though he had already experienced it once, it didn't reduce the shock of seeing this side of him again.

He hated this.

"Fine," he conceded finally. "If it means that much to you, I can try to be nicer to her."

Matt didn't react.

"But if I try for Meg, then you also need to try for Sora. You've never made a concerted effort to get to know her either."

Matt didn't look up, but he nodded slowly in agreeance.

Tai sighed begrudgingly, wondering how Matt could be so good at appearing so dejected. He also wondered at what point did it have any effect on him.

Seeing the extent of Matt's embarrassment, he attempted to change the topic to relieve him of that.

"I can't believe you took Meg to see a baby though. Did she even interact with Kouki?"

Matt made no effort to respond—or move for that matter. He stood still, staring down, as if he hadn't heard him.

Tai understood that to mean Matt did not want to talk anymore, so he stood up to leave.

"You don't have to be so protective of her, you know. It probably bothers you more than it bothers her."

Matt waited until he heard Tai's door closing to raise his head. His ears were ringing, and he couldn't remember the last time he had felt so ashamed. Despite being his closest friend, he had always felt a passive sense of inadequacy next to Tai, and he had just all but gotten on his knees to beg him to be nicer to his girlfriend.

Though it had damaged his pride, he knew it would be worth it for her.

Tai had said this bothered him more than it bothered Megumi, but he was wrong. People often thought she was intimidating or standoffish, but in fact she was as proud as he was. Just like him, she was sensitive and easily embarrassed but would never show it. She acted like she didn't care, but inside she allowed one negative comment to negate all others.

Traits he hated in himself he saw in her too, but it made them understand each other. This was something he had never had with anyone else. Not TK, not Tai, not Mimi.

If he had to throw away his own pride for a minute so that she would be with him for a lifetime, so be it.

He heard his phone buzz on the coffee table, and he bent over to pick it up. Thinking it was Megumi, he checked it and instead saw his brother's name.

He had sent another picture to their family group chat. It was one of Matt holding Kouki on his lap. Megumi had been beside him, but TK had either purposefully taken the photo without her in the frame or had cropped her out.

'Uncle Matt came to visit today,' TK captioned it underneath.

He would usually never reply, but he found himself typing back faster than anyone else.

'Thanks for having us over,' he sent.

'You can visit anytime,' came TK's response.

He frowned. TK was an author who always chose his words carefully. The singular "you" had definitely been on purpose, and he found it passive aggressive. Tai was his friend, but TK was his younger brother. He couldn't beg TK in the same way, no matter how desperate he was. He had to think of an alternative solution for him.

He wondered how long he could avoid TK before his feelings would get hurt. He wondered if that timeframe was longer than the time it would take for TK to accept Megumi again.

'My boys,' his mother wrote with a smiley face. She was probably the only other person who noticed that this was the first time he had replied in this chatroom for weeks. Aside from their annual dinners, it was her only remaining connection to him, but she referring to him made him never want to write in it again.

The conversation fizzled into something else regarding Kouki. Every conversation centred around Kouki, who had become the centre of their families' universe.

Tai didn't even respond.

14 August 2020

I tried so hard to update this for 1 August, but I missed it because I couldn't make up my mind on the Taiora plotline. In the end, I cut nearly 2,000 words from their part of the story, but it'll be back later. Sorry for the wait and missed self-deadline, but thank you so much for your lovely reviews! I was so overwhelmed by the love for the last chapter.