The imbalance in the Force was unnerving./
Rey was aware of a disturbance ever since Palpatine died on Exogal. After all, her grandfather had contained all the Sith, and she the Jedi. To leave one of them alive and not the other had tipped the scale. But this sudden resurgence…it was something more.
Rey voiced her concerns to the leaders of the Resistance, who had taken heed and put preliminary measures in place. While her faith in their military preparedness was secure, her confidence in what she should do as a Jedi was somewhat absent. She yearned to speak to another Jedi or Force-sensitive individual about the uneasiness she felt, but she had no one to turn to. Sure, there was always Luke or Leia, but she had not seen their spirits since she departed Tatooine.
And Ben? Well…Rey had yet to see him since he'd given his life for hers.
Sitting cross-legged on her bunk, Rey opened a sack that contained her oldest belongings and sifted through until she found her pilot doll. Rey looked at it in awe, still amazed she'd been able to retrieve it from Jakku years after Finn's and her hasty escape in the Falcon.
Scavenging had not been an easy life, but she had known what to do: scavenge for items, sell them for food, and wait until her parents' return. But here, the lone Jedi amongst an organization that had overthrown the First Order, the path was not always clear.
A knock outside the small sleeping quarters pulled Rey from her thoughts. "Come in,"
The door opened slowly, revealing her closest friend. "Now a bad time?" Finn asked.
"Not at all," Rey set the doll aside. "As a matter of fact, I welcome the distraction," While it was true she was the only Jedi among the Resistance, she knew she was not alone. With friends like Finn and Poe, she never was.
"Is something on your mind?" Finn asked, a look of concern on his face.
"We're the Resistance," Rey gave a wan smile, "When do we not have something on our minds?" Then, with a sigh, she said "It's that feeling again, as if something dark is coming our way,"
"Do you think it's getting closer?"
Rey shook her head. "I don't know,"
"Whatever it is, we'll be ready when it arrives," Finn said assuredly. "With our ships loaded and blasters ready,"
"If only it were that easy," Rey said. "I'm sorry, I'm rambling. You are the one who visited me, not the other way around. How are you?"
Finn rubbed his hand against the back of his neck. "Poe's keeping us busy," he replied. "These large groups of First Order sympathizers keep popping up around the galaxy, some even on the outskirts of the Unknown Regions. Lieutenant Connix just received a mission herself,"
"Any idea if Poe plans to send me on any of these missions?"
"Not that I know of," Finn said. "He's been sending mostly ground troops, though Jannah is among them,"
Finn looked at the ground, as if searching for his next sentence on the floor. Noticing this behavior, Rey asked, "I guess this is my turn to ask if something is on your mind?"
Finn was silent, but after a moment he asked, "Do you remember when we were sinking in the quicksand in Pasaana and I said there was something I never got to tell you?"
Rey thought back to that moment, recalling Finn's words, along with mouthfuls of hot desert sand. "I do,"
Finn shifted in his seat. "Rey, what I wanted to tell you is…I care about you. And more than just in the we're-buddies-who-fight-the-First-Order-side-by-side way. The truth is I've cared about you ever since the day I met you, and it's only grown stronger from there. I know I'm telling you this out of the blue and that you may not feel the same way, but in that moment in the quicksand when I thought we were going to die…I wanted you to know,"
Now it was Rey's turn to search for a response. Of course, she had suspected Finn had tender feelings towards her from time to time, but the last few years in the Resistance had not been kind for budding romances. The violence caused by the First Order was constantly pulling members of the Resistance in different directions, she and Finn among them. In such a fast-paced environment, Rey had not dwelled on the idea of romance. But once in a while, in the middle of the night when she was left alone with her thoughts, she had…but it had always been about the dark-haired son of Leia and Han.
With the exception of the spirits of Luke and Leia, Rey hadn't told anyone about her short-lived romance with Ben, not even those closest to her. When recalling her battle with Palpatine to the Resistance she made sure to include how Ben fought by her side, but she'd purposefully left out the kiss they shared. There was no way Finn or Poe could possibly understand what it was like to not only witness someone return to the light, but also sacrifice one's life for the other.
"Now that it's out in the open, I have to know," Finn asked quietly, "Do you share any similar feelings for me?"
Rey could feel her heart breaking in her chest. "You're my closest friend Finn," she said, "The closest I've ever had…that I'll ever have. But I'm afraid the love I feel for you is not in that way," It hurt to admit this to Finn, but she could never lie in his arms when her heart was tied to another.
Finn nodded. "It's okay," he said. "I know I brought this up spur-of-the-moment as well. It's just that I'd begun to say it on Pasaana, si I figured you deserved to know the truth,"
The truth. Rey felt as if her stomach was in knots. There was so much truth Finn didn't know.
As Finn stood up to leave, Rey suddenly admitted "The thing is, there was another,"
Finn turned, visibly confused. "Another what?"
Rey's mind raced. Should she tell him about Ben? If she did, would he ever look at her with the same admiration again, or would it be disgust for loving someone most of the galaxy considered a monster?
"Another man I loved,"
"Was it someone in the Resistance?" Finn asked. Then, trying to ease the tension, joked "It wasn't Poe, is it?"
The comment made Rey smile-a genuine smile she hadn't experienced in a long time. "No,"
"Someone back on Jakku?"
"No," Rey said. "It was someone I lost to the war,"
Finn's expression softened. "I'm sorry, I had no idea. Was it someone I knew?"
Rey tried to speak, but Ben's name clung in her throat as tears welled in her eyes. She knew after Finn's confession that he of all people deserved to know what happened between her and Ben. She just hoped she wouldn't lose the most wonderful friendship she ever had in the process.
"Rey, are you all right?"
"Yes,", Rey said, "It's just-"
The sound of sirens blasted through the corridors, blaring in sync with red lights that blinked imminent danger.
"They've found us," Finn said, "The enemy has finally found one of our bases,"
Slinging the sack of her personal belongings over her shoulders, Rey grabbed her blaster and unhitched the lightsaber on her belt.
"Come with me," she said. "We'll ride in the Falcon with Lando,"