Disclaimer: I'm too young to be Rowling so there is sadly no way Harry Potter is mine…
Placing: After the war - could be canon…
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Slipping Control
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When Harry finally woke, he had a headache.
He groaned and closed his eyes again when it felt like needles attacking them the moment he opened them.
"Eridanus?" Harry forced his eyes open to look at the one speaking to him from the door. It was his… mother.
She looked at him in concern.
"Are you alright, Eridanus?" She asked him, her face warm and open and for a moment Harry wanted nothing but attack her just to show her that being so open was dangerous – was a way to get killed.
He wressled down that thought, disgusted with himself.
But even when he finally subdued it, it didn't change that memories that weren't his own were cursing through his head, showing him danger, darkness and evil – such evil.
Harry shuddered – something that his… mother noticed immediately.
She stepped inside the room and came to his bed.
As if she had never done something else in her life, she sat down next to Harry on the bed and reached out to touch his forehead.
"Nightmare?" She asked him concerned and Harry looked away.
He had nightmare – how couldn't he, after losing everything and everyone? – but it were the memories he had gained thanks to his lessons last night that made him shiver.
So much blood, so much gore… so much evil!
He shuddered again and his… mother pulled him close to her body to sooth him.
"It's alright, Eri," she whispered to him warmly. "I know I can't turn back time, but if you want to talk… if you need somebody to listen – just come to me, will you? I will always listen to you, I promise."
The words were oddly soothing even considering that Harry was a grown man stuck in a teenage-body and Harry wondered if that was what it meant to have a mother…
"I," his voice was dry and he swallowed thickly. "I don't think I can talk about it."
It was the truth.
Whether it was his nightmares or the memories he had gained from his lessons – he simply couldn't talk about them. At least not yet…
He closed his eyes again, but instead of pulling away, he hid his face in the crook of his new mother's neck, wondering if he would be ever willing to accept another family after losing the first two so cruelly.
And in his mind, fire and death took over his memories – fire, death and the broken and empty, so empty eyes of his daughter, staring at him accusingly in death…
He swallowed thickly again, his breath hitching and when his… mother pulled him close, the first tears started to fall.
They were gone.
All gone.
And the only one that was left was Percy.
Harry would never forgive himself for their deaths – and he would do everything, everything he could, to ensure that it would never happen again!
His hands fisted into the back of his new mother's shirt and he buried his head further into her warm embrace, grateful that she didn't say a thing – neither about his tears nor his hold on her.
"Cry," she told him. "It's alright. It's alright to grieve."
And that was what Harry did – his mind full of memories not only of his own life, but of the lives he remembered thanks to Pater as well…
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Percy stood at the door to his brother's room and could do nothing but look. He was leaning against the doorframe. He had been ready to enter and wake his brother – just to see his brother and …mother sit there, his brother silently crying into his mother's embrace.
So Percy had frozen at the door – unable to enter and unable to leave as well. It was a hear-wrenching sight to see. Percy had known the man his brother had been for decades already – and in all the time he had known the man, he had never seen the man cry once. Well – that wasn't right. Harry cried, but he cried silently, never once truly giving in and grieving as deeply as Percy had done often enough since Audrey and Molly had been killed. But then, Harry had lost so much more in his life than Percy ever had and Percy had always thought that Harry had spend all his tears, all his deep and long lasting grief long before Fred had died, making him unable to cry and truly grieve anymore.
Percy had loved the other man for it, because it had made it easier for him to cry after his family died – he had needed somebody strong to lean on, after all.
But Percy had loathed it as well, because Harry was the younger one and shouldn't it be Percy to hold the other man together while crying for his losses?
So seeing Harry cry now – and not just cry, but truly grieve – in the arms of their new mother, broke Percy's heart while at the same time made him unable to look away as if he needed to be there to witness that unusual and tragic occurrence…
So Percy stood there, in the doorframe, staring at the heart-wrenching scene inside without being able to look away and without being able to enter.
He didn't know how long he actually stood there – he only knew that some time most have passed at least when a warm hand touched his shoulder and squeezed it.
"Are you alright, son?" Marius asked him while looking over Percy's shoulder into the room of Harry.
"I can't believe he's crying," Percy whispered before he was actually aware that he was talking at all. "He always seemed so strong. I can't remember him grieving like that at all – and he lost at least as much as I did…"
"Everybody grieves differently," Marius said gruffly while squeezing Percy's shoulder again. "If he hasn't cried and grieved before – it's good that he's doing it now."
Percy nodded slowly and his hand automatically came up to touch the beaded bag he had been carrying around with him since they left the Leaky Cauldron and got to the Blacks.
He hadn't yet looked inside it, hadn't even asked Harry if he wanted to look inside to know what exactly they had packed before leaving the future. Percy knew that just seeing the bag would have hurt Harry, so he had taken it and stashed it away in his robes when they left the Leaky Cauldron to search for a drink – not bearing to force Harry to carry it and not bearing to leave it behind.
"But why now?" He finally whispered, a bit confused. "Why now – after everything else that has happened within the last few days?"
His new father sighed and shrugged.
"Maybe it was time," he said helplessly. "Maybe it was a nightmare triggering it – who knows?"
Percy could believe the last idea. He might have not known Harry as closely as some other people in his family had, but even he knew of the nightmares his brother-in-law sometimes suffered through.
Percy wondered what Harry remembered of that day Audrey and Molly and all the others died…
Then he shook his head.
It was nothing he needed – nothing he actually wanted! – to know!
They were gone.
That was the most important, the most true and hated truth.
Everything else didn't actually matter…
"It will never be alright again," he whispered. "They're gone… they're gone…"
The tightening of his new father's hand on his shoulder told him that his father had heard him.
"I'm sorry, son," Marius said, sounding defeated. "I wish I could help you with your grief, but the only thing Sanna and I can do is stand by your side and assure you that you're still not alone in this world."
Percy swallowed, while trying to blink back his own tears that suddenly filled his eyes.
"It wasn't fair," he finally whispered, loud enough for Marius to hear but not loud enough so that Harry could hear his words as well. "They should have still been there. They should have still been there!"
"They should have," Marius agreed while changing his grip on Percy's shoulder into a hug. "And it will never be fair that they aren't. But just because they aren't, it doesn't mean that you and your brother should stop living as well. You're still young, you've still your whole life – don't give up on it just because they're gone!"
Percy wanted to object, wanted to scream at the man holding him that he had no idea what it was like to loose a child – that he had no idea what it felt like to feel a piece of you being ripped away, forever out of reach, forever gone…
But try as he might, he couldn't.
He couldn't rage, scream and grieve in a loud and desperate way. The only thing he could do was drown his sorrow in alcohol – or in the shoulder his new father offered now that Percy had dissolved into tears again…
In the end, Percy didn't know how long he cried into his new father's arms, but when he finally calmed down, his new father was still holding him and his uncle was leaning against the wall just across the hallway, understanding in his eyes.
Percy let go of his new father and turned to look at H… Eridanus who was sending him an embraced smile while still being enveloped in his new mother's arms.
"It seems like I came to an unfitting time," Pollux said, but his eyes were calm and concerned when he looked at his two nephews.
Percy wiped his tears.
"I'm so –"
He was stopped before he could finish his apology.
"Don't even think about apologizing," Pollux said. "Not only did you loose your parents and siblings just a short while ago – but you're also now a part of the house of Black. We don't apologize if we're not basically forced to."
With that he raised his nose in an expression of stuck-up-ness that didn't fit at all to the normally earnest but quite cordial man Percy had gotten to know over the last few days.
Marius next to Percy snorted in amusement.
"Leave being stuck-up to the Malfoys, Polly," he teased his brother. "They have far more training in acting like that!"
Pollux threw his brother a disgusted look.
"Do I look like a girl to you, Marius, that you have to call me Polly?" He complained and Percy wondered if the two men were actually bantering to ensure that neither Harry nor he would continue to feel embarassed by their crying fit.
It was Susanna who answered the question Pollux had thrown at his brother before Marius could even think about it.
"Well, Pollux," she said. "The long hair would already fit, don't you think so, too?"
Pollux looked at her in mock-hurt.
"I'm definitely training my nephews in witty come-backs today," he replied. "So that I'm not outnumbered again the next time we talk."
Harry snorted.
"Or you could be outnumbered even further, Uncle Pollux," he said amused, just to stop with wide eyes when he registered that he had actually called the other man 'uncle'.
Their new mother just looked at him proudly before ruffling his hair while Pollux looked as if he had been hit with a brick.
Marius raised his eyebrow at his stunned brother.
"You alright, Pollux?" He asked, a bit concerned when his brother stared at him as if he didn't actually see him.
"I'm an uncle," Pollux finally said faintly and Marius exchanged a worried look with Susanna.
"You've been an uncle for over a decade now," Marius pointed out. "Dorea's got a son as well, you know?"
Pollux shook his head as if to clear it.
"Dorea's not talking to me anymore, Marius," he said unhappily. "She has stopped to do so since she married Charlus Potter. I haven't seen her son at all."
Marius frowned.
"But the others –"
Pollux shook his head.
"You and I were always the closest," he said with regret in his voice, before hesitating and then continuing. "I think that was the first time I've been called 'uncle' in more than a decade…"
For a moment he looked nearly fondly at H… Eridanus.
"It's actually nice to be called that again," he said. "Startling, but very nice."
Marius smiled at his brother in understanding.
Then Susanna crooked her head.
"If you want to," she said. "We still need a godfather or two for the boys."
Ha… Eridanus startled at that and his eyes widened while he looked up at his new mother. For a moment, Percy was confused by Harry's reaction, then he remembered that Ha… Eridanus' godfather had died when the other man had been fifteen, if he remembered the stories he had heard correctly. Percy wondered how Harry would deal with having a godfather again – especially if that godfather was again part of the Black family…
"Finding a godfather isn't that important right now," Pollux said and waved it off. "Ensuring that they're registered with the House of Black through Gringotts on the other hand is. It's April now, we don't have a lot of time to teach them everything they need to know to act like a true Black. If you want to send them to Hogwarts, they will have to be ready in August, after all."
H… Eridanus frowned at that.
"Do we truly have to go to Hogwarts?" He asked, clearly unhappy with the idea – not that Percy was feeling differently.
"It would be best," Pollux said. "Not a lot of children are home-schooled – and even less when the parents are squibs and the children are about to sit their O.W.L.s. So just for appearance sake it would be best if you joined Hogwarts."
Then he looked at Harry thoughtfully.
"Well," he said. "Since you're actually a year younger than your brother, you could stay home for another year if you want to, Eridanus."
Percy's eyes widened at that and fear clutched his heart. He might not have always gotten along with Harry – but he was definitely not ready to go anywhere without him. Percy didn't want to give up the last sense of familiarity that early at all.
From Harry's expression, the other one thought the same, because he shook his head.
"No," he declared. "If Per…seus has to go, then I will go as well!"
Pollux nodded.
"I already thought as much," he said, understanding in his eyes. "And that's the reason why we have to go and ensure that you're listed in Gringotts as soon as possible. With you being listed there as well, nobody will even think about questioning your heritage."
Harry and Percy exchanged a look. Then Harry nodded slowly.
"Alright," he gave in and stepped out of his new mother's embrace. "So I guess that means we will have to go to Gringotts today?"
Pollux inclined his head.
"That's exactly what it means," he said.
"But not until after breakfast," Susanna added sternly.
And while Percy and Harry were pushed to get clothed, Percy looked at Harry and saw him reaching up and tucking on his left earlobe as if he was reaching for something that should be there but wasn't.
The emptiness between his fingers seemed to startle Harry and he removed his hand just to stare at it in confusion.
"Harry?" Percy whispered after confirming that their new parents couldn't hear them.
Harry turned his head and looked at Percy, his green eyes looking oddly… red in the light of the single lamp that shown in the darkened room from the hallway.
"I'm not yet ready," Harry said with fearful eyes.
Percy frowned, before sighing.
"We will have to accept our new place now," he said. "I'm not ready to call myself a Black as well – but if our new parents and uncle think we need to assure that we're part of the archives in Gringotts then we have no choice but to do it anyway."
Harry shook his head.
"It's not that," he said and suddenly Percy had the feeling that Harry was remembering things that he shouldn't be able to remember. "I'm not ready, Percy."
Harry's red eyes pierced him.
"I'm not ready to step up as the heir of my ancestor."
For a second, Percy imagined to see the red and golden eyes of the ghost who had interrupted the ritual in Harry's eyes.
He shuddered.
Suddenly, he had the feeling, that it was not Harry's new heritage as a Black that actually frightened his brother.
And for a moment, Percy desperately wished for another try with the time-turner – even if it was just to stop himself from having the idea of going through that ritual that had changed Harry without truly knowing the ritual inside-out.
But unfortunately his regrets came far too late. There was no changing the time-line now – at least not if they didn't want to destroy themselves while trying to stop themselves from making those mistakes.
Some things were irreversible – and the ritual that changed their heritages regretfully was one of them…
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Not a lot of story development – but I felt that showing their inner workings a bit was needed as well. Next time: Gringotts!
I hope you liked it.
Ebenbild