As I gazed upon the citizens who were filling the air with their cheers of excitement I couldn't help, but feel this sad and hollow feeling inside of me. Yes, we completed our missions, but our cost to do so was too great for myself to be filled with a celebratory mood. I forced a small smile onto my face as I waved down at the people who greeted us. We all silently made our way down to the streets and began to make our way through the crowd.
"Wait…wasn't there more people before?"
"There's only 10 people now?"
"What happened?"
"How are they going to continue with only 10 people?" We heard people begin to talk about our massive loss. All of our heads hung low as we continued to walk through the crowd. I continued to look at Levi through the corner of my eye – to see how he was coping. He had the same boring expression on his face, but I could see that his eyes held no emotions at all. I was worried about how the death of Erwin was affecting him on the inside.
Once we made our way to HQ we were met with Historia. She stood in front of us with her fingers intertwined and resting in front of her. Her eyes scanned the ten of us and she knew that we did not bring back good news. We were all at a loss for words as we looked at her. Hanji took a step forward and was about to speak until Historia raised her right hand – a signal for her to not speak.
"I am glad you have all made it home safe." Historia greeted us. There was a solemn feeling hanging over our heads as we avoided eye contact with our queen. "Please, bath and rest. I know you have all been through a traumatizing expedition this time around. We will reconvene with the rest of the council in order for us to decide what we want to do further." No words were spoken as we saluted and turned to make our way to our designated rooms.
When I was left alone in my room and with my thoughts I stopped breathing. I knew that the second I allowed my breath to pass the barricade, that were my lips, that I would break down. Peeling off my clothes was a way for me to slowly start peeling off everything that I had just encountered. As I made my way into the shower – I washed myself, all the lives that were lost, and watched it all go down into the sewer system. However, I couldn't seem to raise my head. My head felt unbearably heavy and I had no strength to lift it.
When I arrived back in my room and closed the door I almost thought of going to see Levi, but my feet wouldn't move. I stared at the door and prayed that it would open and I would be teleported to Levi, so I could see how he was coping, but I knew how he was feeling. Deciding to bring back Armin was one of the hardest decisions he has ever had to make, so I could only imagine how he was feeling. Then I felt it, my chest was heavy and there was a pressure building up in my lungs. I opened my mouth and felt a large and heavy sigh escape my lips. My shoulders slumped, my chest relaxed, my knees gave away and I landed on the floor. The tears began to stream down my face as I sobbed my heart out. All the lives that were lost today should have been avoided. Erwin should have died valiantly and with pride. Erwin should not have died at all. Erwin should be alive.
A soft knock on the door interrupted my crying as I looked up and began to frantically wipe my cheeks. It was silent; I almost thought that whoever it was had left, but then I heard them knock again. I scrambled to my feet and began to slowly make my way to the door. I wondered who it could be, but then the thought of my sobbing being heard down the hall ran through my mind. As I opened my door, I popped my head outside,
"Yes?" It was a boy that I had never met before. He had strawberry coloured hair and emerald coloured eyes that stared at me.
"I have something for you." He raised his hands, so he could show me a small cupcake in his hands. "Rose made this for you when she heard you had arrived home safe. It is a thank you on behalf of the entire kitchen." I opened the door s little wider, so I could take the cupcake.
"Thank you." The boy never said anything after that, he just nodded his head and walked back down the hallway. Once the door was closed again, I sat back down on the floor and inspected the cupcake. It was a simple vanilla cupcake with white frosting that swirled on the top in order to make to upside down cone shape. I smiled to myself as I thought of the tiny head chef that would always take care of me and feed me anything my heart desired. The lady who would call Levi my 'handsome man friend' before winking at me and nudging my arm. I then remembered why I went on that expedition and why all those people gave up their lives – it was so then innocent people like Rose could live in a world where they were not afraid.
HOLY! DID I JUST POST AN UPDATE?! I did I did! Well...leave me a review! :D