It was a rather pleasant day, so for the first time in weeks he refused to go out, he got up, donning his kimono as he ponders if a scarf is needed.

While he was putting his boots on, Katsura threw him his wooden sword, which he swiftly catches. "There's a situation outside. People seem not to mind it, but there is already an effect that happened. We have yet to find the source."

Elizabeth handed over his red scarf, which was lying on the dusted kotatsu. It raised its placard with the words: You might want some protection.

"Before that, you should mind what did happen to you two." He waved a hand as he went out. "I'll probably visit you if ever you perform at the Kamakko club again."

"What are you planning to do with those letters?"

"I'm going to find the owners. They sent it to the wrong address."

Katsura waited for Elizabeth to jump out the window when he remembered something. "Oh, Gintoki, you ought to know this: Anyone clothed as a male appears to be a targe-" The door shut.

Outside, a heavy mist fell on Kabuki District. It made Gintoki hardly see anything, and even when he squinted his bloodshot eyes, all he could make out were several figures moving around. Strange, he swore he saw a clear blue sky a second ago.

"What are you doing?" Armed with a gas mask and what looked like an improvised spear consisting of a knife and a broom, Otose stood next to Gintoki. The latter screamed in surprise and horror.

"You! What are you doing with those things? Are you going to war? Is this the year 2020, you old hag?!"

"I'll keep my mouth shut if I were you." Otose inclined her head to the shadows leaning towards their direction. "Look, they're coming, and it's all your fault."

Catherine appeared beside Otose with bottles of liquor in her hands. "Idiot Sakata, just when you decide to stop being a useless piece of garbage, you cause more trouble. Truly an idiot."

Idiot Sakata did not know what to do. He got behind the two ladies as he screamed when random women and men with their lipsticks on their puckered lips reached out for him. They cut through the mist, displaying their smiling faces and eyes shaped like hearts. The three could hear them grumbling about love.

"Oi, Gintoki! Be a man and explain your affairs to them!"

"Distract them while I get the cash register, Idiot Sakata!"

"I don't have any affairs! And why the hell would you get the cash register? Get your priorities right!"

Otose swung her improvised spear, creating a distance between the townspeople and them. Those who evaded the attack got a taste of alcohol as Catherine kept on pushing the bottles to their grumbling mouths. Meanwhile, Gintoki crawled back to the bar, determined to escape from this mayhem. He is not that far off them when a mob character managed to catch his scarf. But before he can scream like a madman, a leg harshly stomped over the other end.

"Stop this right now." As Gintoki looked up to another smiling face with demanding eyes of a female gorilla, he thinks it's better if that mob character has pulled him faster. "This man does not belong to any of you. Go find another banana."

"Love, I need love!" The woman did not sway even under Shimura Otae's sadistic gaze. Gintoki struggled to get the wretched scarf from strangling him.

"O-oi! If you keep on doing that, this story won't have a protagonist anymore!"

"It's alright, Gin-san. I am enough to make this an action-filled drama about a female samurai wandering the country to help those in need as atonement for my sins tainted with blood."

"What are you talking about? Not even H*mura Kensh*n could take a thousand lives by Dark Matter alone!"

"More love!"

Ignoring Gintoki's protests and insult, Tae turned to the woman. "You dare defy the Queen of the Kabuki District?" In a flash, Gintoki was thrown out of the way as Tae pointed her naginata to her enemy. "Get on your knees and bow. The Queen orders your obedience. We can't let Kabuki district rampant forever, right, Otose-san?"

Otose breathes out a sigh as the citizens bowed down before Tae. "I could not agree more. But the epitome of no-good and useless people is running away from you, Otae."

If Gintoki thinks wrapping the scarf around his head will protect him from that monster, he's got a long way to go before becoming a ninja. He already felt her menacing presence before he's wrestled with her on his back, legs encircled around his waist and arms tilting his head. "It's dangerous to loiter around, Gin-san. Can't you read the situation?"

Gintoki stood still. If he's not careful, he will disappear, and this story won't have a conclusion. So, he has to escape from this disaster that's called Shimura Otae in the best possible way. "I'm going to buy some Baagen-Dazs."

"I don't think that's the right way."

"I heard there's a new store there."

"You will cause us a new problem there."

"My only problem is the monster on my back." When she made a move, he quickly thinks of a counter. "A beautiful monster! A charming bouncer- I mean, cabaret girl! A responsible, brutal sister! A-"

From her yukata's sleeves, she grasped a small peach pouch. Untying the violet ribbon revealed dark, gloomy pieces of garbage. "These are not garbage. These are chocolates."

Gintoki never felt so much sweat in weeks. "Um, sweet. Are you, perhaps, going to give them to somebody? I sure hope they last long enough to relive all their happy memories."

It's Dark Matter! It's the one and only!

Tae took one and put it before his lips. "What nonsense are you pulling? Now, eat this so that you won't be infected. Those who ate these were behaving quite fine."

Just as Tae pried his mouth open, a deranged voice echoed throughout the streets. "OTAE-SAN!"

Now's my chance!

Gintoki waited for her to punch Kondou before setting himself free of her clutches. He stretched his arms out and ran for his life.

"Ah, Gin-san! Wait-"

"Otae-san, please give yourself- I mean, your remaining chocolates to me! I will more than gladly eat them for you!" Similar to the citizens, still bowed down but drooling, the Chief of the Shinsengumi sported an unnatural smile and seemingly obsessed eyes.

In response to his attempt to hug her, Tae stuck her naginata on Kondou's butt. They fought some more while both Catherine and Otose watched them.

"Idiot Sakata is truly an idiot."

"It's fine, isn't it?" Otose smiled. "It does not matter if he resembles Tatsugorou or not. This town already has a great guardians beside them and that's enough for me."

Catherine clicked her tongue, her eyes following Tae as she left the battered Kondou in search of a silver perm. "I can't take this lovey-dovey stunts. They should go down with me if they won't be honest to themselves, nyu."

Kondou stood and removed the dirt on his hakama. "You can say that again." He went to them and gave a large box of chocolates enough to feed the people a piece.

"You, your eyes-"

He straightened up and made a pose. "Well then, as Gorilla 13, I'm off to protect my love. Pray for me!" As soon as he said that, he went off to where Tae has gone to, screaming her name like S*nji to N*mi.

"Well then, shall we pray for everyone's happiness?"

"Rather, you need to pray for their safety. I'll pray more money to come."

fun fact 1: I do not ship Gin with anyone

fun fact 2: fun fact 1 is making it hard to finish the other chapters

fun fact 3: Sorachi sensei said to, like, temporarily put down KnY and support the incoming Gintama movie in 2021 but even he admits that KnY is great so yeah

fun fact 4: Otae's all-time fav H*agen-Dazs sells more than 30 different flavors annually (inspired by the seasons) only in Japan

fun fact 5: this is about Gin and what defines his love, or something like that

just a fact: I wanna know more analyses about Gin's ships with Otae, Sachan, Tsukuyo, Tama, and even Kyuubei, it's fun

I'll probably delete this note once I recover

As always, be extra careful outside and take good care of yourselves inside your houses

Chunchun