A/N: More from the same alternate universe as "Ninth-Inning Baby" and "Amends". This installment will have 3 or 4 chapters. :)
Daughters
"Very gentle, Alice. Like that. Yes. Good job."
Alice sticks the tip of her tongue out in concentration as she caresses the baby's cheek. "Ella is happy," she says and looks up at Mary Beth who is sitting next to her on the sofa.
"Yes, I think she is."
Ella gurgles and continues to chew on her little fist, drooling all over it in the process. She is the cutest thing, with her gray eyes, chubby cheeks, and shock of light red hair.
Ever since Chris and David came through the door with their daughter, Alice has been fascinated. Being the youngest in the Lacey household, she hasn't spent much time around babies before, and everything about Ella and caring for her is incredibly interesting to her.
Much more interesting, in fact, than her presents and the chocolate cake, both of which Alice couldn't be done with fast enough so she would be excused from the table and allowed to go look at Ella, who was still asleep in her car seat – remarkably unbothered by the birthday excitement around her.
Lucky for Alice, Ella woke up shortly after the adults finished their cake, and she has been in an agreeable mood ever since, letting Alice hold her in her lap and tolerating her eager displays of affection like a champ.
"She is so little."
"Well, she is not yet four months old. You were that little too when you were a baby."
Alice contemplates this for a moment. "And Harvey and Michael?"
"They, too. All of us. Even Daddy and I."
Alice giggles. It must be hard to imagine. "Why?"
"We talked about that, remember? Babies grow in their mommy's tummy. Until there isn't any more room, and that's when they come out."
"I was in your tummy." Alice points at Mary Beth's stomach.
"Yes, you were, sweetheart."
"And Ella?"
"Ella was in Aunt Chris's tummy."
"And then she came out."
"That's right."
Alice nods importantly and pets Ella's head, but right then, the baby's patience seems to have reached a sudden end. Ella squirms, squinches up her face, and a split-second later she lets out a heartbreaking wail.
There is an expression of almost comical horror on Alice's face and she jerks her hand away as if from a hot stove. "Mommy!"
"Alice, it's okay, you didn't do anything wrong," Mary Beth calmly reassures her. She lifts Ella from her daughter's lap. "Right, Ella? Alice was very nice to you."
Ella is screaming in earnest now.
"Why is she crying?" asks Alice as she climbs off the sofa and retreats to a safe distance a couple of feet away.
"Maybe she is hungry, or she needs a new diaper, or she just wants her mommy and daddy. Like when you want to cuddle with Daddy or me?"
Alice looks a little skeptical.
"Do you want to go upstairs and get Aunt Chris? She'll know what to do. I think she's in Michael's room."
Always happy to be a good helper, Alice nods eagerly and runs off and up the stairs.
With Harvey Jr. no longer living at home, the torch he used to carry for Christine seems to have passed to his younger brother. When Chris asked Michael about his newest science club project, a computer program for which he won second place state-wide, his ears turned flaming red and he offered to show it to her on his computer.
Sometimes, when she comes home and finds Michael lounging on the sofa watching television or fiddling with a computer part at the dining room table, Mary Beth wants to pinch herself. Almost gone is her playful little boy, replaced by a kind and serious young man who does the dishes without having to be asked, who has taught himself how to program the computer, and who will soon be off to college.
At least she hopes that he will choose college.
Mind you, she is so proud of Harvey Jr., of his conviction and bravery. But whenever she watches international news or Harvey reads her something from the paper, her chest tightens painfully because she knows that her oldest son won't be stationed at Camp Lejeune forever.
Before long, Alice Christine will be the only child left in the house, the only child she can still protect from the world. And Alice, too, is growing up fast. She got a big girl bed for her fourth birthday, she wants to pick out her own clothes, and each morning she demands that her daddy braid her long blond hair a certain way before she leaves for daycare.
The crying baby in Mary Beth's arms is more living proof of how time is just racing by – and that life is full of surprises.
oooooooooooooooo
Little Ella here was certainly not what Mary Beth suspected was going on when something began to feel off about Christine near the end of last February.
Since her father's passing two years earlier, Chris had come such a long way. Not only had she admitted to and dealt with her own alcoholism, she had also survived being raped, faced that bastard Brad Potter in court, and somehow, improbably, through it all, allowed her romance with David Keeler to blossom into a relationship, and one that seemed to make her happy at that.
As far back as she could remember, Mary Beth had never seen Chris more stable and even-tempered.
Which made it all the more jarring when she slipped so suddenly. She started coming in late most mornings, and when she finally made it to the squad room, she looked like death warmed over, with a mood to match. Mary Beth and the other detectives soon learned that it was best to leave Sergeant Cagney alone for the first half hour or so until she found her bearings.
And while she usually perked up over the course of the day, there was an undercurrent to her behavior that made Mary Beth nervous. Chris was enthusiastic and pushy one minute, withdrawn and sensitive the next. There were whole afternoons when she seemed perfectly serene, as if nothing could touch her. And then she would lose it at the slightest provocation from a fellow detective or a suspect.
Yes, Chris had always been the hot dog in their partnership, short-tempered and volatile long before her drinking got out of hand around the time of Charlie's death. But these traits were now dialed up to eleven, as they had only been once before, and Mary Beth began to fear that what she was looking at here were the first rounds of another downward spiral.
Of course, she knew better than to put pressure on her partner. She only made a couple of careful attempts to get through to Chris; in the car during a stakeout because she kept nodding off in the passenger seat, even though it was broad daylight; at lunch when Chris ordered nothing but soda and Mary Beth realized that she was hardly eating anything during the day; alone in the locker room when she saw how unsteady Chris was on her feet after putting on her shoes.
Each time, Chris was quick to give her a somewhat plausible answer, blaming an oncoming headache, trouble sleeping, or last night's Chinese food before changing the subject or escaping from the situation altogether.
But Mary Beth knew her partner too well to believe these excuses, and as the weeks went by and nothing really changed, her suspicion hardened.
The only thing that gave her pause were the small pieces that didn't quite fit the puzzle. The sloppiness and reckless behavior that had accompanied Chris's first slow-motion tumble towards rock bottom were conspicuously absent this time. On the contrary, she was impeccably dressed every day, she looked and smelled clean, and if anything, she was more careful than before, keeping within the speed limit, wearing her seatbelt without complaint, and Mary Beth noticed more than once how she seemed to shy away from physical situations, letting the uniforms handle a perp or hesitating for the fraction of a second before giving chase.
Then again, maybe Chris simply felt more self-conscious about her drinking and tried to conceal it better, maybe she was drinking less frequently, or less altogether, or at different times of the day, or vodka instead of scotch, or-
At the end of the day it didn't matter, drinking was drinking, and if Chris had really fallen off the wagon, she was putting both of their lives and careers on the line. Mary Beth had promised herself long ago that she would not let Christine do that to their partnership – and to her – a second time.
She knew what she would have to do to make good on this promise, and she didn't like it one bit, but wasn't this the exact lesson that Chris had refused to learn about Charlie?
Sometimes, letting the other person go was the only way to save yourself.
oooooooooooooooo
For somebody this small, Chris's daughter has an impressive set of lungs, Mary Beth can't help but notice as she walks back and forth in front of the sofa, rocking Ella and rubbing her back. "It's okay, honey. Your mom is on her way. I know."
David is out of earshot, still in the backyard with Harvey, probably living vicariously through him by learning all about the neighborhood association, about how to install a swing set or where to get a good bargain on a new barbecue.
It's a little funny – David, Chris, and Ella live on the fifth floor without a balcony and so far, Chris has shot down all of David's attempts to sell her on life outside of Manhattan. But knowing David, he hasn't given up on his suburban dream just yet. He is as persistent as Chris is stubborn, and who knows? Chris has surprised her before, so maybe one day Mary Beth will go to visit them in that rambling house in Jersey they talked about after Chris turned down David's first proposal.
"Hi, Alice," Mary Beth hears Chris's voice in the upstairs hallway. "Are you coming to get me?"
"Ella is crying," Alice informs her.
"Sounds to me like she's hungry," Chris says as she comes down the stairs with Alice walking a couple of steps ahead of her. "At least I hope you are, sweetheart!" she adds, not entirely serious, while holding both hands up in front of her chest and shooting Mary Beth a slightly desperate look.
Oh, she remembers that feeling.
Mary Beth hands Chris her daughter and watches as she gives Ella a kiss on the cheek and pats her bottom. The screaming instantly dies down a notch. "Sweet pea, what's wrong? Are you wet? No, I didn't think so. You're hungry, huh? We're going to do something about that. And then we'll both feel better."
Chris turns to Mary Beth. "Where can I go with her?"
"Take our bedroom if you want to. We still have the rocking chair in there."
"Great, thanks," Chris says. And to Ella: "See, we're getting right to it." She hoists her up to one shoulder and grabs the diaper bag from under the coat rack with her free hand.
As she sees her walking towards the stairs, Alice pipes up: "What are they doing?"
"Aunt Chris is going to feed Ella."
"In the bedroom?"
"Babies don't eat food from the fridge yet."
"What do they eat?"
"Do you remember the book that we read? Babies drink milk that comes from their mommy."
Alice seems to remember, and she is clearly intrigued. "Can I see?"
Oh.
"We'll have to ask Aunt Chris about that," Mary Beth is quick to react.
Alice bounds up the stairs and Mary Beth has to hurry to catch up with her before she can walk in on Chris and create an awkward situation.
"Wait here with me," she says when they arrive in front of the closed bedroom door.
"Chris?"
"What is it?"
"Alice has a question."
"Come in."
Mary Beth opens the door and peeks into the room. Chris sits in the rocking chair with Ella in her arms, already nursing.
"Alice would like to know if she can watch a little bit while you feed Ella. But it's totally fine if you're not-"
Chris looks surprised for a second but catches herself quickly. "Uh, sure. I guess. Does she know what she's in for?"
"We talked about it. Right, Alice? And we read a book."
"Yes!" Alice confirms.
"You did?" Chris sounds amused. "Well, alright. Come on in, Alice. You can come too, Mary Beth." Chris winks at her.
Mary Beth walks Alice inside and steers her towards the bed where she sits down and draws her daughter onto her lap. Alice snuggles into her embrace, suddenly shy.
Chris looks down at Ella who is drinking greedily. "Yeah, you're hungry. Didn't I know it."
On Mary Beth's lap, Alice has grown still. She stares with her mouth slightly agape.
"That is how you used to eat, too," Mary Beth says quietly, brushing back a strand of hair that has escaped Alice's tousled ponytail.
"Nooo," Alice whispers.
"Oh, you did," Mary Beth assures her. "And Harvey and Michael, too."
Alice laughs, and Chris looks up at the other mother-daughter duo, smiling. "Pretty wild, huh?"
Indeed.
Mary Beth has seen Chris nurse Ella before, but it strikes her every time how peaceful and relaxed Chris looks with her baby. As if she has never done anything else in her life.
Again, Mary Beth feels like she might have to pinch herself.
oooooooooooooooo
Things finally came to a head one afternoon at the beginning of April.
The two women had spent most of the morning engaged in pointless bickering matches over how to proceed on a penny-ante B&E case that was going nowhere (Chris), but still needed to be investigated because that is what the police are there for (Mary Beth).
By the time lunch rolled around, they had agreed to disagree on the matter, and to shelve the case until tomorrow. So as not to risk their precarious truce, they decided to get out of each other's hair for the rest of the day and tend to some paperwork.
Mary Beth was refilling her mug at the coffee urn and glanced over to where Chris sat at her desk with her head in her hands, ostensibly reading a file. But from where she was standing, Mary Beth could see that her eyes were closed. An untouched cup of coffee sat next to her elbow.
She wondered how Chris was getting away with it at home. She and David were practically living together, and whatever was going on with her, she could not possibly manage to hide it from him. Then again, Mary Beth knew how much David loved Chris. If she was back on the bottle, he would try to get her to stop, and if she didn't want to or if she couldn't, he would not leave her, just like he hadn't given up on her the first time around.
The memories could still turn Mary Beth's stomach.
A frantic David on the phone, begging her to leave her own promotion party to come and help with Christine. Finding him at Chris's loft in his shirtsleeves, helpless, desperate to make it better somehow. Chris herself, cowering on the floor between the sofa and the coffee table in a drunken stupor, staring up at them through half-crazed eyes. Her dirty pajamas and unwashed hair. For as long as she lived, Mary Beth would not forget the smell of the room, the mixture of stale beer, molten chocolate, and vomit.
She tried not to think back to that night too often.
And when she couldn't help it, she always made a conscious effort to include the events of the next day: how she finally managed to confront Christine, held her as she sobbed and sobbed, made coffee and tried to clean the place up while Chris was in the shower, called around to find the nearest AA meeting, felt Chris's cold, clammy hand in hers as they sat next to each other in a circle of chairs in some church basement.
That night, Mary Beth had dropped Chris off at her loft, unsure of what the future would bring. Truth be told, she didn't even fully trust that her partner would show up to work after the weekend. But there she had been on Monday morning – looking rough and sheepish and clearly unsure of where they stood. "Partner," Mary Beth had simply said as she handed her a styrofoam cup full of coffee, and Chris had accepted the hot beverage, and that had been that.
Mary Beth was back at her typewriter in order to focus on another long overdue DD5 when she heard Chris open and close her desk drawer. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as she got up, slung her purse over her shoulder, and walked past their desks without a word, striding briskly in the direction of the Jane.
Dread settled in the pit of Mary Beth's stomach. She flashed on the morning a couple of weeks after Charlie's funeral when she had walked in on Chris in the locker room and caught her taking a swig from a hip flask. From then on, things had gone downhill fast.
Mary Beth swiveled around in her chair, stood, and drew back her shoulders.
It was now or never. Jordan and Isbecki were in court today, so they would be free to have it out in the relative privacy of the ladies' room if necessary.
No matter how hard Chris fought it, she would get her to fess up.