A/N: All of the thanks to actualbampot for editing this and convincing me to add that extra dose of angst!
Despite the pain…
… the fatigue and the arduous pace, that made shelter seem further and further with each step, Cinder and Ruby pressed on. Half-dragging half-limping into the setting sun before managing to find a small cave. The inside of the cave was half separated by some rubble that had collapsed long ago.
Not only would it shield them from any intruders, but the outside would be a perfect place to set up a fire without needing to worry about suffocation.
A sobering thought.
Cinder decided to distract herself by looking at the crevice of light, that filtered through the secluded space, while Ruby prepped for what could easily be an hour of discomfort and pain.
"I need to talk to my doctor about getting some glasses when we get back home." Ruby thought out loud, a welcomed change of topic.
Cinder's eyesight had long since adjusted to the luminescent glow of the dust-powered lantern that illuminated their surroundings, but the dim orange haze still had Ruby rubbing at her eyes. Cinder had no doubt that it was to get rid of the bits of blurry vision that tended to come with the overuse of her powers.
Cinder, quick to chastise. "You'll need to use those eyes sparingly unless you want to be half blind before you're forty."
Ruby fired a retort without looking up.
"Look who's talking."
"Excuse me?"
Ruby hit a sore spot. But the rise in Cinder's tone had more to do with the pain in her arm.
Ruby, quick to apologise.
"Sorry. Sorry. That was a low bl- woah."
Cinder shifted her gaze, widening ever so slightly upon seeing Ruby hold the see-through container in which she kept the root samples: Instead of bits and pieces, small, thorny sprouts had sprung from the remnants. All that in two days. But more concerning than the sudden growth, was the way the mere sight sent tremors across Cinder's arm, that were luckily not seen on the surface.
"Should I throw it out?" Ruby wondered out loud, almost hesitant to look away from the peculiar sight. Ruby had always had a kind of fascination with different types of Grimm and their developmental differences, but Cinder bore no such sentiments. Underneath the surface, each Grimm was the same.
"I would hope so, considering you plan on burying this entire mission after it is over."
Ruby gave the specimen one last look. "You're right. Whatever information they get off these guys will only make the Council want to know more. The last thing any person needs is more contact with them."
Cinder scoffed, wincing as she tried to flex her hand, taking full offence. Enough time had passed for the anti-venom to kick in. While her sense of touch had returned and her mind was now much clearer, that only meant Cinder was left fully aware, that the pain in her arm hadn't subsided any further since the first increment.
Making her way outside, Ruby returned without the container and a somewhat satisfied look in her eye, no doubt after throwing the entire thing into oblivion. With that taken care of, Ruby took out the necessary equipment to get Cinder's arm under control; an ice Dust-infused scalpel, ointment to help with the healing process. Lastly bandages that had been infused with the same type of Dust. The bandages were intended for more serious injuries. But with how the healthy part of Cinder's arm was likely to look like afterwards, it might very well be necessary.
The thought only fueled anxiousness that had become synonymous with this routine. Considering how often they'd gone through it together, one would think that her discomfort around the issue, would have lessened by now. But it was quite the opposite.
"You want me to do it?" Ruby piped up, gently pulling Cinder from her thoughts as she slipped on her goggles.
An anxious silence lingered in the air. Swallowing the dread welling up in her throat, Cinder made up her mind, opting to take off the glove herself as if it would mean she was taking some kind of responsibility.
There was hardly anything special about the glove despite Ruby's attempts at intervention: It was just simple leather, and the simpler the better, Cinder thought. It's unassuming presence meant that she didn't need to be constantly aware of it: A small detail that offered her some sliver of temporary normalcy.
Even when Cinder hadn't been looking, the woman knew that the Grimm had spread to the base of her neck, but seeing it was something entirely different. The black strands higher up were superficial at best, easily removed with a gentle tug and hardly any pain. But further down the stands grew thicker, embedding itself deeper into her flesh where pulling it out was always a painful process. With the glove discarded Cinder couldn't suppress her shiver as the cool air warped around the limb.
If Ruby was shocked or disappointed in her, which she most likely was, the woman hid it very well. That, perhaps, bothered Cinder even more, so she watched her closely.
Ruby easily slid the blade in between the Grimm and Cinder's skin. What should have been a painless tug sent a sharp pang down the rest of the limb. Cinder's automatic flinch had Ruby pulling away in seconds.
"S-sorry."
Cinder felt a pang of empathy. Ruby was always worried about hurting her more than necessary. Even if both knew that pain and discomfort were inescapable, this time it would be even worse. Cinder sighed. Her shoulders slumped, resigning herself to the hour ahead. Her mind was made up, but Ruby was still hesitant.
"Is it still the poison?"
Cinder flexed her right hand. "Yes, but the rest of my body is starting to recover."
Nodding in understanding Ruby slid her hand down the arm. But instead of the usual sensation of comforting warmth there was only pain. A burning sensation went down and flared up as Ruby pressed against the muscle.
"Because your arm has no aura it might take longer to heal, but I don't want to leave it any longer." Cinder suppressed another wince, confirming Ruby's suspicion.
The woman quickly set to work, but that didn't mean things were quick in any way. The increasing difficulty in cutting the thickened strands elicited an automatic jerk from Cinder's arm, and while small twitches near the base of the limb were common, there was nothing normal about this. With Ruby still picking away at her shoulder, Cinder felt control slipping away once again as her arm grew numb in between shocks of pain.
Gritting her teeth, Cinder shut her eyes, simply trying to touch a thumb to the other fingers. It was a battle Cinder refused to admit she was losing. Cinder grabbed hold of her wrist. She clenched her fist, tight enough for sharp nails, to sink into charred flesh. It was an attempt at control born less out of confidence than it was out of fear.
But when it came to Grimm, fear always had the opposite effect, and the mere touch of metal against skin had Cinder pulling away.
"Can you hold still?"
"What does it look like I'm trying to do?" Cinder spat back.
Her frustration had been itching for an outlet. It clouded her judgment, not even considering Ruby's exasperation that made her words sound harsher than intended.
A heavy silence followed, tension crackled in the air. The two women's movements, stiff, wound up in anticipation.
Trying to reign in her emotions, Cinder took comfort in knowing that Ruby was approaching the lower half of her shoulder but the worst was likely yet to come. True to her word, Ruby's hand trembled as it neared the part that was completely encased in blackness.
The younger woman carefully sliced away the outer layers.
Another twitch. A slip of the hand. The cut, too deep.
Cinder hissed as blood seeped from the wound, her anger, born anew.
"Are you trying to cut off the Grimm or the rest of my arm?"
Ruby fired a reply just as quick: "It's been awhile since it's been this bad okay? Maybe if you had come to me sooner this wouldn't have been so hard." Her tone, strained with frustration, only fueled Cinder's annoyance.
"So it's my fault for being dragged to the ends of Remnant where everything around me makes this thing want to slit someone's throat?"
"It's your fault for not telling me that it was growing faster when I asked you last night!"
Cinder scoffed. "And have you worry and fuss over me like I'm some child when there is clearly more at stake."
"So what? I'm supposed to thank you?"
"Unless you take pleasure in burdening yourself with the constant worry over my well-bein-"
"Caring about someone is not a burden!"
The remnants of Ruby's cry gave way to a deathly silence.
For a second Cinder was taken aback, unsure what to say until her gaze hardened with skepticism. She leaned forward, looming over Ruby. Her voice dropped to a murmur.
"Is that so?" Prompting Ruby with a few raised syllables, as if Cinder wanted to be proven wrong, she continued: "Was dragging yourself through that facility just to see me something you'd do for everyone? Was it easy to look at me? Talk to me? Knowing I wanted nothing to do with you?" Something twisted in Cinder's chest, an ugly feeling that signaled a betrayal to her true emotions. A yearning to take back what she said.
Ruby was always the one to pick up the pieces of dead, miscommunicated words. Only this time, it was with tears pricking the corner of her eyes:
"If you're talking about effort then yes, it took effort to get to you to talk to me, to trust me. And by the gods was it hard to make you see that you deserved some good in your life." Ruby finished with a breathless laugh that only wound Cinder's chest tighter, watching the woman take off her glasses to wipe away tears. "But I did those things… because I wanted to. Because making you feel better, making things just a little easier for you after everything..." And perhaps to make this confrontation a bit easier for both of them, Ruby cupped Cinder's hand in her own, "…it made me feel better too. Happy." She laced their fingers together in a way that always tugged at the comforting warmth of Cinder's semblance. "Call it selfish, maybe. But never a burden."
When Ruby looked up at her again, Cinder's mouth was dry. But her chest filled with an unnatural warmth that quickly churned with uneasiness as Ruby's gaze darted about. Suddenly, the younger woman seemed hesitant. Her grip tightened around Cinder's, scraping together some confidence. "Do you worry about me? Sometimes?"
The question caught Cinder off-guard, made her wonder if she should have done more. But perhaps that wasn't it. Like Cinder, Ruby wanted reassurance. So gently, Cinder pried her hand free from Ruby's grasp. She lifted her hand, hesitantly touching Ruby's cheek, prompting the woman to look her in the eye and see the smouldering ember that bared vulnerability in a way words never could.
"I do." Cinder meant what she said, but the implication slowly made Cinder realise what she was suggesting: The very thing she had been trying to convince Ruby of, that it was something Ruby should be ashamed of. With the sudden guilt welling up in her throat, Cinder knew that she was in the wrong. Her whispered words brushing against Ruby's ear carried an apology that only Ruby would ever be privy to. "But that's not something you should ever apologize for."
And as she pulled away, Ruby's eyes swirled with emotion, an amalgam of light and dark that made her feel relieved and anxious at the same time. For a second, Cinder imagined that Ruby's gaze shifted down ever so slightly.
Something hung in the air between them. Something unsaid. Something missing. But doubt faded with Ruby's embrace, and Cinder returned the gesture without thought in a mix of relief that felt like it carried more than just this conversation.
"Then let me worry about you too, okay?" Ruby's sweet words were muffled against Cinder's chest, somehow making it feel more genuine… intimate even. "And if you want me to stop worrying so much, please start taking better care of yourself."
Ruby's hold tightened ever so slightly, the plea stung with well-intended castigation that Cinder knew she deserved. But that didn't make it easier to admit. Ruby, ever gentle and considering, said:
"I know you don't like talking about it. But promise you'll come to me before it gets this bad again. Please?"
Cinder exhaled a shuddering breath, feeling the slightest connections return to her left arm. Shame and uncomfort were irrelevant, Cinder would push those feelings aside. Not for her, but for Ruby.
"Alright."
Even if removing the rest of the overgrown Grimm hadn't been easy and the pain was still to fade, things were a little more manageable since Cinder was able to regain some control. Now with the newly visible half of her arm wrapped in dust-infused bandage, the pain was well under control, enough so that she was able to eat her dinner at a pace that was only three times slower than Ruby's.
As much as Cinder hated the food, it was at least filling, and the fire was a much needed comfort as the winds started picking up. Moving to the inside of the cave would have been warmer but with how tired the sudden halt of their neck-breaking pace had made them, the thought of getting up and leaving the fire's warmth didn't seem appealing.
And that was before Ruby, no doubt emboldened by her last attempt at savouring the warmth of Cinder's semblance, had not-so-subtly crawled into the woman's lap. Ruby was mindful of Cinder's arm but had no qualms with shuffling on the spot until she was comfortable.
"Warmth." Ruby said with such a cheeky smile that Cinder was convinced she was doing it on purpose.
"You're insatiable." Cinder muttered. She spiked up her semblance to the point where the heat almost had Ruby jumping out of her lap. Lowering it to a more manageable temperature Cinder didn't bother to hide her twitch of a smile as she felt Ruby's glare. As the two of them settled into a comfortable silence, Cinder manipulated the tongues of flames into various other shapes without so much as lifting a finger. Nonsensical things, really.
But rather than taking to it as something meant to lull her to sleep, it only prompted Ruby's mind to wander.
"What's the one thing you're looking forward to when you get back?"
"For you to take a bath."
After off-the-grid missions like this, Cinder and Ruby always returned covered with a few layers of muck and grime, but these last two days had been especially unkind to them. The near constant exertion of walking and killing Grimm, had formed enough layers of dried sweat that it was enough to convince them not to take off their black-stained boots. And that was without mentioning the dust, dirt and disheveled state of their hair. Why Ruby would even come close to her was beyond Cinder.
"Come on, I'm serious." Ruby prompted with a nudge.
Cinder, direct as ever: "I know," The woman could tell with one look that it was not the answer she was hoping for, watching as Ruby deflated ever so slightly. Cinder sighed in turn. She looked up at the muddled darkness above, sounding wistful: "A long shower and a proper meal." Cinder didn't know whether to find it funny or sad, the fact that the amenities of her prison cell stood at the pinnacle of what she needed right now.
"Anything in particular?" Ruby ventured. "Maybe Mistralian? Something spicy?"
Cinder's brow raised at the mischief in Ruby's voice. She dropped her voice to a knowing murmur.
"You want something."
Ruby's response confirmed all of Cinder's suspicions.
"What me? Pfft. No." Ruby averted Cinder's gaze. Flustered, her cheeks started to redden when Cinder didn't look away. "I mean… well I thought I could make you something nice. Maybe… maybe we could enjoy it together. Is that really so bad?"
Cinder thought for a moment, resting her chin atop Ruby's shoulder. "Mmmn perhaps not."
Ruby's sigh signaled at least some degree of relief, but the remaining stiffness in her shoulders had the woman inclined to believe that it wasn't all that weighed on her mind. Whatever it was, it was important enough for Ruby to sink into the silence of her thoughts. And while most of it could just be due to fatigue, Cinder would rather not have her go to sleep with such things on her mind. The late night hours tended to surface half-buried thoughts, after all.
"You're thinking about something." She prompted, right hand absentmindedly intertwining and tracing along Ruby's fingers in a way that always drew attention in the way it comforted.
The young woman shrugged, clasping Cinder's hand in her own. She gently brushed her thumbs across the back of her hand as if the action would help her find the right words.
"Just… about home and stuff."
Cinder didn't have to wait long for the sigh that followed, or for the backwards lean that had Ruby's head nestled in the crook of the woman's neck. Cinder was now pressed between the rock formation and the young woman in her lap; Not the most comfortable position to be in, and yet… Cinder couldn't find it in herself to complain. Instead, she listened to the steady rhythm of Ruby's in - and - exhale, halting for a moment before Ruby tentatively spoke up.
"Is it weird? That I'm the only one in my team who's…y'know… not married. Or dating or anything. That my life is kinda the same?"
Cinder fought off the urge to scoff, rising a brow instead as Ruby's eyes searched for her response. As far as Cinder could tell, Ruby's life didn't resemble anything since… well… anything that came before. But wasn't that true for everyone? Gods, if someone were to tell her years ago that this is where she would end up?
She wouldn't believe it in the slightest. But that is not what her attention was on at the moment. Instead, it was Ruby's sudden worry over a lack of a… significant other? And while Cinder was trying to pinpoint the reason behind Ruby's concern, her chest tightened with a feeling she couldn't place.
"Why would that be strange?"
Another shrug. Despite their proximity, Cinder couldn't tell whether Ruby's reddened cheeks were because of the cold, heat, or embarrassment. But, what was there to be embarrassed about?
Ruby buried her face into the fabric of her cape, half hidden beneath it. Her grip on Cinder's hand tightened ever so slightly
"I dunno, I just feel like Yang is worried about me."
It then clicked that Ruby might be homesick, a feeling that went hand in hand with thoughts about Ruby's friends, family and teammates. And as much as Ruby thought about them and could claim otherwise, Cinder knew the young woman was conflicted when she came to the realisation that all of them had their own lives to live.
Xiao-Long and Belladonna had two children to raise. Four and six if she recalled Ruby's, almost non-stop gushing over the photos they sent. The Schnee was newly married. And the rest? Well… Cinder didn't care for the rest. What did it matter with them scattered all over Remnant?
"Should she be worried?" Cinder ventured, searching her memories for the last time Ruby had been anything but her annoyingly cheery self.
Ruby frowned, and for a second, Cinder couldn't help up to feel uneasy.
"No? I mean not if she is worried about me being happy."
As much as a relief as that should have been, Cinder wouldn't be satisfied until she put these worries to rest.
"Are you happy?"
"I am." Ruby replied without a sliver of doubt. She smiled in that soft way of hers that Cinder believed no one else could. Not at her at least, yet Ruby managed to so easily. "I like being a Huntress, even if it's not everything I thought it would be." As if listening to the woman's heartbeat skip was the most comforting thing in the world, Ruby turned her head to press an ear against Cinder's chest. "I enjoy the missions I go on with you. How you complain about how every other Huntsman must be useless if it's you they ask to go with me, but at the same time you… you like doing this." As for what Ruby was referring to, Cinder wasn't sure, but rather than wonder the woman chose to take interest in the golden patterns along Ruby's cape: a reminder of restless moments where Cinder turned to the catharsis of sewing to keep her hands busy. Ruby hadn't stopped gushing over the modification for weeks. "And you love showing off."
Cinder scoffed at the sound of a smirk in Ruby's tone. But that only prompted the young woman to continue, sound more and more wistful and closer to closing her eyes.
"And on my days off, I enjoy bringing you some morning tea, after my jog."
And Cinder couldn't help but to do the same. She needed something to distract herself from a situation that could go from bad to worse in a matter of moments. As much as the woman knew such distractions were short-lived, this was…
Nice.
"I love the road trips. The airships or the trains. Lying down and reading a good book or watching a movie with you. I love falling asleep against the window and those uncomfortable arm rests, only to wake up with my head against your shoulder, or in your lap.
Cinder replied with a non-committal hum.
"Go on."
Not that the young woman needed much convincing. Her soft voice dipped into a murmur. "I love how I can go on about weapons and upgrading Crescent Rose, even if you don't understand most of it. I love when you complain about having something to sew up after each mission, and smile whenever you had a good meal. I love that...that you can be yourself around me."
And when Cinder opened her eyes, she was staring straight into Ruby's.
The woman couldn't remember if they were ever this close. The proximity was magnetic, and when she spoke, Cinder's voice threatened to crack, but it was the only thing she could trust in that moment.
"Then why worry about such trivial things? Of what others think?" It wouldn't take much to lean forward and…
"I guess I was just worried."...and whatever she thought didn't matter anymore. Her attention was drawn to the strain in Ruby's voice, how her hands shook in hers. "About how things would be if they turned out differently. Even if it's silly. Even if I don't want it to. I just..." Ruby sucked in a deep breath, shoulders raising and falling as she regained her bearings. Cinder gaze dipped ever so slightly and the woman suddenly felt the urge to do the same. "If-if you were free to go anywhere… where would you go?" Only to be pulled back into reality.
She blinked.
Where would she… go?
Everywhere and anywhere. From the highest peaks in Mistral, to the furthest corners of Vaco. To experience the world for herself in a way that she never could. A frivolous and restless desire. Cinder knew that such fantasies were not meant to last forever. That she would grow tired or the mundanity for endless freedom, and in the end…she would turn around and find her way back to Ruby.
A life that might not be as free as she wanted it to be, but one that was hers, and hers alone. Cinder knew it was something she couldn't confess to, without being faced, with that which she wasn't not ready to accept. But still, she could look at Ruby with a soft smile on her face.
"To bed. Where you should be as well. Mumbling and snoring through ungodly hours of the night." She replied, speaking in that dry tone of hers that was more teasing than not.
Ruby giggled. "That sounds… nice."
Too tired to protest, Ruby was ushered back inside the cave, that has accumulated enough heat to be considered mildly comfortable. Of course that didn't stop Ruby from snuggling up to Cinder with her head resting on the woman's chest.
And when Cinder felt that familiar warmth welling up in her chest, she couldn't help but to drape her arm over Ruby' waist in a subconscious urge to pull her close. Her whisper, barely brushing against the shell of Ruby's ear.
"Goodnight Ruby."
A touch so light and rarely gentle that Ruby couldn't help but to smile.
"G'night Cinder."