A/N: All of the thanks to actualbampot for the edits! The irony and uncanny timing of this chapter does not escape me...
Cinder found herself surrounded by darkness, walking and not knowing when she even started, nor where she was going. Yet the woman felt oddly at ease; The surrounding air was light and refreshingly cool until a chill wafted in the air and rode up Cinder's spine.
She froze.
The chill passed as quickly as it came, but left Cinder with a prickling against her back. Eyes, staring up from depths of darkness. She glanced over her shoulder, trying to swallow the dread welling up in her chest even if she knew it to be futile. Slowly, the prickling of stares traveled across her back, making its way to her left arm. No longer cold, but growing hotter by the minute.
She had to get away, and so trying to bury her paranoia with each blind step, Cinder picked up her pace. Those eyes followed, prickling across her back and down, making its way to her left arm, rippling and no longer cold but growing hotter and hotter by the minute.
Burning.
Melting.
Black liquid ran in rivulettes, dripping a steady trail behind her until Cinder felt herself sink into the ground. Hundreds of red eyes opened amongst the void, casting a dim light over a Grimm pool that crawled with spiked vines, sentient as they made their way towards Cinder.
A screeching alarm went off in her head, but all attempts to free herself only made her sink deeper and deeper. Burning, dark thorns jutted out of her arm, black melting away to reveal a spiked vine curling out of her arm, steadily making its way downward, connecting to the Grimm vines that were crawling up her legs.
Despite the overwhelming fear and confusion, Cinder knew that she did not want those things near her, wrapping around the remnants of her left arm, the gateway to her powers, her soul.
"Ruby!"
Cinder cried out in a desperation that shook her very being. Tears pricked in the corner of her eye, her pleas suddenly drowned out by familiar forgein whispers that spoke only of hatred and a hunger of power, raw and primal in a way that made her blood run cold. Paralyzed, she could only hopelessly watch as the connection between her arm and the vines became insdiscernable.
Became one.
A flash overwhelmed her mind's-eye, a moment of symbiosis where she saw a part of the root network twisting and turning within the depths of the Grimmlands, converging to meet at the base of a tree. It's leaves, blood red and caught in the perpetual state of dying an affront to nature as it spewed grimspawn, feeding on the abyss, remnants of decayed magic;
Her magic.
It wanted Cinder. To take away all she could give. And it was already here; embedded in her flesh and bones, dragging her down…down. Her screams muddled as she was encased in liquid Grimm, flooding her lungs and seeping into her soul, ripping it asunder. Cinder's last coherent thought before becoming an empty husk, was the horrifying realisation that she was dying.
Dying.
Sinking.
Falling…
Cinder woke up with a guttural cry, drenched in sweat and overcome with searing pain, her left arm pinned down by a shaking grasp. The ground was marred with gashes, bandages torn and covered with dirt. Leaning over her, wide eyed with concern, was Ruby.
"It was just a nightmare. You-"
The young woman's words were white noise as she turned her head to look at her arm. Unmoving under Ruby's tight but gentle grip, the feeling was unmistakable. Underneath the surface, a motion pulsated, the heartbeat of something that even her arm recognized as an intruder. Through each and every painful twitch and flash of blazing heat, it was fighting for control. And Cinder was slowly losing.
But what terrified her most was the possibility of Ruby being caught in the crossfire. Ruby, who was spilling with comforting words and gentle brushes across her cheeks. The only person who Cinder would trust to come this close.
Only, Cinder didn't trust herself, didn't want Ruby anywhere near her and yet, all she could muster was a hoarse whisper. "Let… go." Her voice, so uncharacteristically weak and frail made Ruby recoil in shock. But the moment she did, free of its confines, Cinder's hand struck out at her. She was barely able to keep it pinned down, writhing in pain, the kind where linked memories felt more potent than the parasite itself.
Ruby approached cautiously.
"Cinder-"
But she lashed out with a swing of her arm and a blazing arc of fire that hit the ground at Ruby's feet. Only, the young woman didn't so much as flinch. What was supposed to keep Ruby at a safe distance was forgotten the moment Cinder felt the parasite grow in reaction to using her powers. In a moment of dread, Cinder realised that she was running out of time.
She looked to Ruby, and whatever expression the woman had etched on her face, made the other's breath hitch. Cinder opened her mouth, her voice hoarse, pleading.
"N- need to leave. I- get out."
Ruby, ever gentle, inched her way closer.
"I'm not leaving you."
But the moment she took a step forward, Cinder felt a sickening lurch in her left arm that left her crying out. An emotion that was more volatile than anger, darker than hatred itself. Something that preceded all conscious thought and that plucked at her restraints, keeping the beast at bay that wanted nothing but to kill and consume.
"Get out!"
The temperature reached a fever pitch with a crack of Cinder's cry as she recklessly drew a blazing knife out of thin air. She buried it in her arm with a jolt of anguish that filled vision with black spots. Her mind, a fog of static, was dizzy to the point where surroundings were nothing but a red blur.
Among the crackling silence, there was only one sound that could coax the woman out of her delirium.
"Cinder… Cinder, look at me."
Her head felt impossibly heavy, and yet the woman managed to turn her head, searching for those caring eyes and gentle smile that always managed to calm her down. Even now, even if just a little, it was enough for Cinder to regain her bearings.
"Deep breaths. Deep breaths."
Ruby looked down at her, one hand gesturing for Cinder to match her breathing as the woman lay with her head in Ruby's lap. Cinder could feel her left arm… somewhere, but was anchored in the moment by Ruby's palm pressed against her cheek.
"You're going to be alright." Ruby assured, but the strain in the young woman's voice couldn't have been further from the truth. And yet, Cinder took comfort in the gesture more than anything else. "But I need you to tell me exactly what's happening and how I can help."
Cinder shakingly opened her mouth. Her words felt lead on her tongue.
"No- not poison. Grimm."
"Like those things we caught? The roots?"
Cinder nodded slowly, frowning against the soft whispers in the back of her mind as she struggled to recall her dream. What was so vivid was now just flashes of black and red.
"It f-feeds off of magic. Wants my- mine. It knows… we're here." Flashes and… whispers.
Cinder shut her eyes, focusing all her energy on the distant sounds. Though they remained unknown to her, they grew ever louder.
Closer.
Cinder shot up without warning. Her gaze darted about, searching. "We- we need to leave!" And the woman would have been gone in the blink of an eye, if not for the sharp pang of the knife that had the arm pinned to the ground, and the firm and comforting hold of Ruby's hands on her shoulders. A touch that subconsciously coaxed her breathing back down.
"I'll be okay. Everything is gonna be okay if we take it one step at a time." But as much as Ruby was tending to her, the gravity of the situation didn't escape her. She spoke calmly, ever attentive.
"If whatever is in your arm is sending a signal for what is at the end of those vines, then we need to get rid of that first. We know my eyes won't hurt it, but I'll need to use them to get to it." Ruby ended with an apologetic look, biting her lip, no doubt dreading what she will have to put Cinder through again.
A grim reality that had the woman swallowing her dread and nodding with a shuddering breath.
"You'll…need to do it slowly." The very notion of digging up the parasite had it biting back with a jolt against the blade, and a wince from Cinder. "My arm is fighting back. But I don't know. For how long. If it's gone I'm afr- it could take control." The woman couldn't stop her voice from wavering at the last second, trembling under the weight of bottled emotions. Of fear mirrored in Ruby's shaking grasp. And yet, the young woman wouldn't yield. Her voice, unflinching.
"I won't let that happen."
Things like these, they were not what someone could promise, Cinder knew that well. But if anyone could, then it would be Ruby.
Ruby.
Who undid her bandages so carefully, who could hold her so gently and who looked at her, silver eyes shining with tears.
"I-I'm sorry."
And as if to answer, a distant tremor shook the ground beneath them, so slight that they might not have noticed if not for the shiver down Cinder's spine and how it drained all colour from face. Instead of giving in to panic, the woman held onto the other's comforting warmth as she wiped away the single streak of Ruby's tears..
"…I know."
Cinder closed her eyes, looked away…
…and tried not to scream.
The pain of being at the other end of silver eyes was different from any other. Hot iron and a frigid burn that stabbed through skin, left it tingling with static that made the black flesh bubble and disintegrate. But what might have been a single flash of light that would knock Cinder out cold, was substituted with an eerie glow that made the process excruciatingly bearable.
And as the presence of her left arm was being chipped away, Cinder could feel something else in the periphery of her subconscious, cold, and draining at the edge that separated her from the Grimm. As her arm slowly disintegrated, the feeling only intensified until she couldn't feel her arm at all. But hear it hissing and yanking against the blade as the air filled with the stench of sulphur.
"I'm almost there." Ruby assured with an undeniable slur. Another flicker of light, then a heavy sigh as the young woman slumped forward with exhaustion. It was one thing to tap into these powers for a second, but to do so for minutes on end? Cinder felt a pang of guilt stabbing at her chest. She turned her head to look at her arm, hoping that it would have been destroyed enough to remove the parasite inside. If not for her, then for Ruby's sake.
Her hand was mostly intact except for the claws that had either been ground down or broken off in it's manic state of clawing at the stone underneath, leaving white marks and indents on the rock. Going up, past the knife embedded in her forearm, a gaping cut spilled black liquid, dark vapor wafting from the flesh that grew soft and spindly and almost completely severing the connection that was held together by a few tendons alone.
Underneath, it was dark purple and laced with the small red spikes: The Grimmroot's spawn, latched to the base of her upper arm like a leech that fed off the magic that made the Grimm able to regrow. And as much as she hated the fact that use would never be free from it, that paled in comparison to the fear that this new monstrosity evoked. But for all its power and potential devastation, it was at the mercy of Ruby's will.
Just as her gloved hands gripped at the hissing vines, another tremor rumbled through the cave. The sound ran cracks along walls and clattered dust and pebbles to the ground. Cinder's eye widened with fear, searching panickedly for Ruby's gaze. An unspoken conversation passed between them, setting Ruby's expression into fiery determination.
"We're getting this thing out now."
Sensing Ruby's aura flare up in anticipation, Cinder turned over to the side, as a nauseating sensation rippled through her arm. Her shaking hand pressed down onto the knife with all the force she could muster. Gritting her teeth and closing her eyes, she fought for a single shred of command, if it meant that she could keep it still. Ruby managed to get a firm hold of the vine, risking a comforting glance at the woman before she shut her eyes and pulled.
But it was too late.
A network of roots tore through the walls and roof of the cave in an explosion of rocks and debris. The sound, drowned out by Cinder's anguish as Ruby was pulled away with a panicked cry.
"Cinder!"
"Ruby!"
Drunk on adrenaline and head swimming with vertigo, Cinder's gaze darted about. Her vision, too blurred to notice that shot thorny serpents lunging at her out of a cloud of dust.
Too fast.
Too much.
And then…
...darkness once again.
Another dream?
Cinder wondered as she gazed upon an abyss that was undeniably staring back. A thought that might have unsettled the woman if she didn't find the darkness…comforting, somehow. A place to hide, safe from the light that would bare herself and all of the horrible things she had done. She, a liar, a thief, a murder. She deserved to be locked away, left to rot. To be drained of all she is, of all that she could give.
A thought, a warning whisper, muddled by the rocking motion that placated her anxieties and wrapped her in a blanket of warm air, as if in that moment, she was some infant to be coddled and cared for.
She… liked this.
She was better here.
Alone.
Being with others only brought them pain. Only tied them down to forever be the keeper of a criminal. Weighed by her mistakes, her repentance.
A flicker of confusion.
Who? Who was she tying down?
Resignation.
What did it matter?
Even if they were there with her, she cannot protect them. She couldn't protect herself, a burden, more so than she already was. Dragged across the edge of the world when she should have been left to die. But no, she was kept safe, tended to, and what does she do?
She lies.
She cowers behind a facade of indifference and false comfort. And for what? To maintain her image and ego? And to who?
Who did she… lie to?
The whispers crept up once more, louder, a panicked scrape of nails against her ears. Flinching, Cinder searched for comfort in the abyss. For soft words and giggles that bubbled with joy and a smile that crinkled those beautiful eyes with laughter.
…Ruby
The spark of recognition was snuffed out just as quick. Buried under guilt and self-loathing.
No.
She didn't want it... her.
She wouldn't ever be enough for her.
What could she do besides drag her down into the darkness?
It was best Ruby kept away from her, to never come close enough that she could hold her and tell her what she felt… or what she wanted to tell her.
What...
"What did I… want to tell her?"
The sound of Cinder's words hit her with the return of her senses, no longer muddled behind half-induced stupor. Only to find that her environment hadn't changed at all. She was still staring at the same pitch black that suddenly sent a warning shiver up her spine.
She… she had been awake the whole time!
Refusing to slip into her fears and insecurities of the abyss' sinister means, Cinder willed herself to look away.
Up… down. A wave of vertigo.
The weight of her blood slowly sunk to her head as recollection set in.
She… was hanging upside down. Wrapped in thick pulsating vines, dotted with red decaying leaves, that soaked up black vapor. Lifting her head, Cinder followed the vines and leaves. Twigs, then branches, connecting to the stump which circumference stretched past her field of vision. The base, made visible by the dots of red light cast by holes in the ground above. The holes, interwoven with spiked roots that dripped dark liquid, was undeniably Grimm. With each passing second it dawned what Cinder was looking upon.
The monstrosity that preceded all others.
The creation of Grimm itself.
An affront to nature, a gigantic tree, stuck upside down as if a cruel joke played by the Gods themselves, feeding off of the very bedrock of corruption. The thought made Cinder's skin crawl, like the pulsating red veins inching towards the surface, the closest Grimm would ever come to a heartbeat, to the living.
And the closest thing Cinder would come to dying.
With her heartbeat pounding in her throat, Cinder choked on her panic, reaching for her Maiden powers with the need to escape, but the mere thought of doing so had the vines hissing and shooting down the stump of her arm, which Cinder realised was devoid of the Grimm prosthetic.
Instead, it was overgrown with foliage that bore the promise of spikes underneath, prompting her aura to flicker as the parasite slowly drained her of it.
Trapped with nowhere to go, Cinder had no choice but to bring her anxieties to a screeching halt.
For how hard she fought for them, her Maiden prowess would not help her in this instance lest she risk having her soul ripped right out of her. Cinder ground her teeth together as she fought to struggle free, only for the hold around her to constrict further. A panicked sound slipped past her lips, choked back by the desperate need to remain calm. She considered her semblance, but Cinder knew that a loss of aura would only bring the Grimm closer to the reserve of her own magic.
Quick. Think.
Think!
Gaze darting about her restraints, Cinder spotted the knife, the one previously impaled in her arm now caught in between two thick branches. With a calming breath, and moving as slowly as possible, Cinder reached for the blade. Just out of reach. Frustration and annoyance bubbled in her subconscious. The woman forced it back down with a shiver as the vines shifted around her throat.
She wasn't going to give up.
But then she caught sight of a red flicker, past the blade and into the darkness, slightly below. Then another. Red light illuminated the figure that was unmistakably-
"Ruby!"
Cinder's elation was cut off by a strangled cry as the vines constricted. She grasped at the grip around her neck. With a few gulps of air, Cinder forced herself to push the uncomfortable process of breathing to the back of her mind. She searched for Ruby once more. The young woman's form steadily seeped through the veil of darkness and sparks of light as Cinder's vision adjusted.
Ruby's waist and legs were caught in a tangle of thorny vines that scraped against her aura, tying her to the edge of the cavern. Her upper body slumped forward, eyes wide open, gazing at the blackness beneath.
Ruby's stare was vacant… lifeless.
Cinder's words filled with dread as she opened her mouth to speak, only, Ruby beat her to it.
"It's all my fault."
Her words fell so heavily that she could only half-heartedly drag herself across the syllables in a near-incoherent mumble, so tired and devoid of its usual light that Cinder's expression strained with a twinge in her chest.
"Ruby." She exhaled. A gentle sound that the woman hoped would pull her back to consciousness.
"I shouldn't have come on this mission." But such hopes were quick to fade. "Shouldn't have brought Cinder with me. But I thought… I wanted to. And now she's in so much pain." Ice cold guilt clenched at Cinder's heart, almost freezing, if not for the desperation with which she spoke:
"Ruby. Ruby look at me!" But Ruby didn't so much as stir. She was dead to the world, left to toil in the isolation of her fears and insecurities that were growing sickeningly familiar to Cinder.
"We were so close... but it doesn't matter. None of it. There will always be Grimm. And I can't… do anything about it. No more Grimm… what a stupid dream."
"Don't say such things." The woman urged. Her voice, barely making its way to the other with an audible crack. Cinder knew that she had no right to ask such a thing, not when the very same thoughts crossed her mind in the days past.
"Dreams... I should've grown up instead." And with her amassing guilt, Cinder found herself foolishly wishing that she could take it back. Perhaps if she did, the abyss wouldn't be calling for Ruby as it did. "But I wanted to be a hero."
Cinder flinched, her words thrown back at her. The woman swallowed thickly and risked a glance at the abyss. Its sweet song called out to her yet again, promising what could have been.
Such thoughts…
"At least now I can die like one-"
"That's enough!"
…were cut off by bitterness that made something inside Cinder snap.
Her aura flared, magic dancing at the edge of her eye while the orange flickered and cracked against needles jutting from out the vines. In the back of her mind, Cinder could feel the slow pull of her prowess trickling towards the stump of her arm. But the thought of being ripped from her soul faded into obscurity if the alternative would be to to unleash all at once, and shatter Ruby's aura without any hope of repair.
After everything they had been through, Cinder was ashamed that this is what it took for Cinder to see all that Ruby's fears amounted to, what she forever kept inside and carried alone.
But no longer.
"Listen to me."
And against all odds, Ruby perked up at the sound of Cinder's voice. She lifted her head as if it were made out of lead, only for it to lol to the side. Her stare remained vacant, but Cinder refused to look away, searching those dark pools of silver for a flicker of light. Except she found none.
"You're right…" She sighed, her shoulders slumping. All of Cinder's anger and confidence slipped away, laying bare naked emotions of desperation, sadness and fear: the only thing that could reach the other. "There will always be Grimm. There will always be evil in this world. But so will people to protect it. Remnant…" She would know after all. Cinder had pursued a path of destruction and Ruby had been there to foil her at every turn. And once her hunger for power finally burnt her out in her fall from grace, Ruby was with her among the ashes. "It needs… people like you." Whatever Cinder felt for the past, the woman allowed it to wash over her mind. Filing her chest with an amalgam of dread, guilt… and gratitude that made her voice crack. "I…would have been dead… locked in a cage somewhere… if it weren't for you. You who cared about me despite everything else. Looked at me and saw what I couldn't see in myself." Cinder blinked away the sting in her eyes, managing a rueful chuckle. "Who annoyed and infuriated me till no end."
The woman hoped that it would somehow pull Ruby back and make her remember something. But no, she was dead to Cinder's words.
Biting her lip, the woman willed herself to continue, cracking down the walls of best kept secrets and insecurities. "But the most infuriating of it all? When I stepped out of that cell for the first time in years, free, I realised… that I will never be able to repay you. Never." Cinder's words, sharp-edged with bitterness and anger, made the Grimm around her crawl with delight. But if Cinder kept such feelings to herself, she would never be able to get rid of it. The feeling of being of lesser worth than the person she was indebted to.
And yet, Ruby never let her feel like that when they were together. Ruby made her feel…
Like she could live a happy life. That she deserved it. That she could be better. That she was better.
"What would you even repay me for?"
A soft gasp slipped from Cinder's lips as Ruby mumbled a dejected reply, a flicker of hope despite not being able to meet her eye.
"As long as there are Grimm… you have to keep hunting them." A sense of familiarity tugged at Cinder memory, but what caught her attention was the sliver of guilt that trickled past Ruby's apathy. "You should've been free, but now you have to stay… with me… keeping you down." Slowly but surely, Ruby was finding her way to the surface.
Which meant that every word, every sentence, stung Cinder a bit more.
And when the young woman opened her mouth again, it was with a light quiver that was without a doubt, Ruby.
"Because I'll never be enoug-"
"You are more than enough!"
Cinder's voice cracked with another agonizing flash of aura. It left a sudden gap in Cinder's subconscious as her Grimm arm disintegrated, no longer able to stop the orange glow of her aura as it slowly made its way through the vines. All Cinder could do was grit her teeth, summoning every ounce of willpower in an attempt to slow down the inevitable.
Time was running out.
Silver streaks of tears threatened to fall with the cry of her raw throat, barely managing more than a whisper. But Cinder refused to be restrained into submission.
"You have given me everything!"
Cinder would rather taste blood in the back of her throat, have her heart ripped open from the inside, than take these thoughts and feelings to the grave. Even in death, she wouldn't be able to forgive herself. All that was left was for Cinder to swallow the mixture of metal and fear, to look Ruby in the eye, and bare her heart for the other to see.
"And what we have… Our time together, I wouldn't give it for anything else… whether it is in a cell block or at the gods-forsaken edge of Remnant." As all these memories flashed before Cinder's eye, she couldn't stop the tears from running down her cheek at the thought of having it all ripped away from her. Still, the woman's insecurities, the fear of being cast aside, was a grip so tight that it threatened to take her voice more than the Grimm that threatened to take all she was.
Cinder, a False Maiden, an unexpected Huntress, a reluctant companion, a cherished friend…
A human like any other.
Naked… and so very afraid.
"I want…you."
Finally free.
"I need you. I…"
Delving into thoughts and emotions were as overwhelming as they were invigorating. But in that storm of chaos and confusion, one thing remained as an irrefutable truth.
"I love you."
The silence…
…was deafening.
"You… you do?"
Cinder's breath hitched.
Ruby's wide-eyed confusion and uncertainty kicked up a storm of emotions that nearly had Cinder's chest bursting at the seams. And yet, the woman had never felt anything as surely.
"…Yes."
With Cinder's relieved exhale the light returned to Ruby's eyes once more. She blinked, squinting in the dark with confusion written across her expression.
"Cinder?"
Cinder couldn't help but to sigh at the sound of her name. The woman's relief was palpable in the way her name slipped through an exhale:
"Ruby."