(warnings for mild discussion of abuse and a brief contemplation of suicide)

JENNIFER

"So, you roughly finish work around five, right?" Brittany asked me as she continued to refill Diana's baby bag.

"Yeah. There haven't been many customers lately, so I may get home sooner." I pushed eggs around on my plate, making it look like I was eating.

"Great. I finish at Gringotts at six, and then I have patrol tonight. Diana shouldn't be too much of a fuss, she usually crashes around eight or nine." Brittany left the room to go get Diana changed for the day, and I took the opportunity to wash my food down the sink. Everything made me sick to my stomach. I heard Diana fussing in the other room, and I started cleaning up the kitchen. I was just through scrubbing down the pan when Brittany came back, ready to go with Diana in her arms.

"Okay, I'll see you tonight then. Wave bye, Diana!" Diana waved to me, and I managed to wave back and give her a weak smile. The door closed, and I stood in the kitchen, unmoving, contemplating with myself if I even wanted to bother showing up to work today.

Work had been the absolute worst thing to attend since I had been staying with Brittany. It was dull, uninteresting, and every customer walking through the door sent a spike of anxiety through my body. Not one of them was someone I dreaded seeing, but we barely made enough sales for Blotts to pay me. Blotts kept to himself mostly. He even suggested that I spend my time reading, since the shop was in perfect order. No book sounded vaguely appealing. I couldn't bring myself to open any of the Muggle novels I had, and any sort of research I could be doing was overwhelming. I didn't need more reasons to think about Lance. I had enough already, and they were eating my mind.

The first day I came back to work after moving out, Blotts said that someone had left me something. Wearily I had accepted the bag, and to my horror, it was a token of affection from Lance. I had thrown the ring like it had burned me, screaming and crying. A confused and startled Blotts sent me home, but he forced me to take the ring with me. At Brittany's, I tried everything I could to destroy it. After I caught the kitchen on fire, I gave up. Lance had made his wishes very clear and I was not going to ignore them that easily. When Brittany had arrived home, she threw it out the window.

Since then, just forcing myself to leave the apartment had been an immense test of will. I knew he was out there, watching me. He had been to my work. He could go there anytime. He probably knew exactly where I was staying, and could show up there anytime he wanted.

Every day was the same. I drug myself out of bed, far later than I probably should have. If I ate, it wasn't much. I hadn't been able to handle anything besides very bland foods. If Brittany made me food, I usually ended up throwing it out when she left. I was too kind to tell her that last time I ate eggs, I threw them up not even half an hour later. I left for work at the absolute last minute, and even then I was often late. I'm sure Blotts would have said something had the shop even been remotely busy. I would sit in the shop, sometimes dusting, rarely helping someone, mostly sitting in back away from the windows where I could sit, sometimes nap. I longed for the moment when I could go back home and crawl under a blanket on the couch. That and taking care of Diana. She at least was interesting, and demanded enough of my attention that I couldn't really think about anything else going on in my shittastic life.

So I swallowed down my anxiety, picked up my wand, and Apparated to Diagon Alley. Tom wasn't even attending to the bar. I tapped my wand on the brick wall and walked through the dreary alley. The sight of so many stores closed made me feel even more hopeless today. The wizarding world's slow decline was enough to make anyone feel this way. I entered Flourish and Blotts to the twinkling of a small bell. Mr. Blotts was at the counter, and looked up at me.

"Good morning, Miss Potter," he said, giving me a small smile.

"Morning, Mr. Blotts." It took all my power to smile back. "Anything new today?"

"Just a few books for a special order. I will take care of it. If you wouldn't mind updating the books." He seemed reasonably calm today, which was a pleasant change. Normally, Blotts was just as on edge as I was.

"Sure thing," I said, accepting the accounting book from him, and I left for the back room. I found a quill and some ink, and scanned down the page. He had entered the titles of the books, and these were in a foreign language I didn't recognize. It wasn't Egyptian, at least. I wondered briefly if these were more books Narcissa Malfoy was picking up for her son, but decided it didn't terribly matter if I wasn't going to be dealing with her. Very little mattered any more.

Blotts had rarely let me touch the books, but my mathematical skills were average, some days more accurate than his. I suspected he had very little education outside of the magical world. Our funds were dwindling, and though we weren't making many sales, we also weren't buying much either. I found the invoice from the order, along with scribbled price and sales notes on the back of it. I squinted, trying to make out his handwriting. He had managed to get several Galleons more than what he had paid…

Mr. Lance Malfoy

The name on the order made my heart skip a few beats. Fuckfuckfuckfuck. I took a few deep breaths, trying to steady myself enough that I could write well. I filled out the numbers in the book, my hand a little shaky but acceptable. There was no way I was leaving this back room today. Not a fucking chance. Maybe Mr. Blotts knew about Lance… maybe there was a chance he was trying to protect me. Well, even if he wasn't, I was determined to stay as far away from Lance as possible. I swiftly returned the book and invoice to Blotts and without a word, fled once again to the back.

I maybe spent a few hours reading the beginnings of different books before I found something that gripped me. It was a stupid novel of an adventuring group of young wizards attempting to discover strange creatures in China, but it would do. It was easy to read, anyways, and I actually found myself almost engrossed for the first time in a month. That is, until a cold, dark voice followed the small ringing of the bell out front.

"Do you have my order?"

I pulled out my wand and tucked myself into a corner that was hidden from the door.

"Y-yes, Mr. Malfoy, it's right here."

My stomach dropped as I heard Blotts walk towards me and the door creak open. I held my breath as Blotts' shadow moved through the sliver of light, bending, grabbing a stack of books, and then leaving. When the door shut, I allowed myself a shuddering breath. Though, I was sure Lance knew where I was… Blotts probably wouldn't stand much of a chance against him…

"Here you are, Mr. Malfoy. Th-that will, um, it'll be eleven Galleons."

There was the sound of money slapped down on the wooden counter, footsteps, and then the bell again.

He was gone.

Clutching my wand very tight, I closed my eyes and forced myself to breathe. I couldn't stay in here forever. What the fuck was I doing in here? Hiding like a coward? I'd been in worse, scarier, more threatening situations so, so many times. I had faced him head-on countless times. I'd never backed down to him before. What the hell was wrong with me? I felt hot tears sting my eyes. Fuck. I was so fucking useless. I stood up, angry with myself. I shoved my wand in my pocket, wiped at my tears a little too hard, and stalked out of the back room. Blotts didn't say anything, and I took to the novel section, furiously imposing organization onto it. I had to be useful for fucking something.

I struggled the rest of the day. It seemed to crawl by, but before I knew it, Blotts was locking up. My walk home was riddled with anxiety that Lance would appear, but another part of me welcomed it. I was done. I just wanted these feelings to end. I wanted to rip any sensory of emotion from my body. I wanted to just… die. Or something. Anything to stop feeling like feeling was a distant memory. But Lance would never kill me. At least, not intentionally. He was more likely to torture me, which would be worse than death. No, the only way to get him to off me would be to goad him into it—

I was at Brittany's flat. I let myself in, sighing at the state of the living room. I had made such a mess, and had little desire to do anything about it but also wanted to curse myself just from looking at it. I took a few moments, trying to gather myself. Brittany would be home soon. I should clean it for her. It was the least I could do.

It was slow going. I made a pile of dirty clothes, resolving to finally wash them tonight. My books were packed away, the pillows straightened, spare bits of parchment thrown in the trash. I realized that I was awkwardly smelly, and couldn't remember the last time I had bathed. I forced myself into the shower, and was just combing out my hair when I heard Brittany come home.

"Jennifer, are you hear?" she called out.

"Bathroom," I replied, throwing on some clean clothes. Brittany was in the kitchen, digging through a cabinet for food for Diana.

"Hey, thanks for cleaning," she said, turning and giving me a smile. "How was work?"

I shrugged. "The usual. One customer." She didn't need to know about my moments of pathetic weakness. "You?"

"Actually, pretty slow. I valued some gems and helped a couple set up a new account, but beyond that, I just read to Diana." She was sitting now, across from Diana in the high chair, and started trying to convince Diana to eat some food. "Here comes the broomstick! Woosh!"

Before I could leave to go start my laundry, Brittany said, "Hey, Jennifer."

"Yeah?"

"Look, I know that… you've been going through a lot. Breakups are shit. The whole wizarding world is shit right now, in face." Her voice was so calm. How was she doing this? "But I know you like to keep to yourself. So… well, you were there for me when my life was falling apart. If you need or want someone to talk to, I'm here. Okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Um, thank you."

"Literally any time. Okay?"

"Okay."

I left her to go wash my clothes, trying to figure out maybe how I could bring up how I was feeling. Hey Brittany, just thought you should know I thought about casually offing myself today, but it's no big deal you've got other things to worry about. That was clearly the dumbest way to do it. I ultimately decided I would just wait for the right moment, if it ever presented itself. But I knew that it would really take me, just me, working to dig myself out of this hole. I had done it for years. Why should my resilience fail me now?

CEDRIC

"Oi, Diggory."

I jumped in my chair, my quill dripping ink onto the form I was filling out and smudging my writing. I looked up to see Sarlanda Malfoy standing there, giving me a wry smile.

"S-Sarlanda, what are you doing here?"

"Let's go to lunch. My treat." Her voice was casual, but the look on her face gave me a hint that maybe this wasn't optional.

"But, I've—"

"Don't worry, I've already checked it with your boss. Desdemona, right? She's fine with it."

I stood, putting my quill down and closing up my ink. "I… alright. Since I'm assuming you're insisting."

"I am."

"Great."

I shut and locked my door on my way out, and followed her out to the atrium. She lead me to the fires, and we ended up back out the loo and onto the London street.

"Where are we going?" I asked, ducking into the alley with her so I could strip off my work robes to just the trousers and jumper I was wearing that day.

"Well, it's up to you. Do you want Italian, French or Thai?"

I flinched at Italian. "Er… well, I've never had Thai before."

"Perfect. It'll be most crowded, I think, so come on." I followed her through crowded and twisting streets, still confused as to why this was happening. She walked fast though, and still had the air of no-nonsense around her, so I kept quiet until we were seated at a tiny table in the corner of the loud restaurant.

"So, er, what's this about?" I asked, leaning towards her so she could hear me.

"I know you've felt like crap the past month, and I figured you'd want to talk about it," she said casually, flipping through the menu. "Curry is always a good choice, but I wouldn't recommend anything too spicy your first time out."

"So you know about…?"

"Colin mentioned it."

I frowned. "You haven't talked to… Jennifer, then?" Getting myself to say her name was difficult.

"No. I haven't seen her in quite a while." Sarlanda's eyebrows were raised. We ordered drinks and continued. "As far as I can tell, she hasn't talked to anyone. Except Brittany, but that's because she's staying with her."

"She's… staying with Brittany? I thought she'd be at your place or the Twins…"

"Yeah, I don't know." Sarlanda took a sip of her tea. "So? Do you want to talk about it?"

I regarded the menu for a minute, trying both to decide what I wanted to say and what to eat. I settled on the mildest looking item, and after ordering, let out a sigh. "I just… I feel like shit. I shouldn't have yelled at her, I was just so… not even angry, just… incredulous? I dunno."

Sarlanda nodded, encouraging me to continue.

"I couldn't believe her… just thinking about it hurts." I drank some water in an attempt to keep my emotions in check. "And she just… left. I can't believe she left."

Sarlanda frowned now. "What exactly did you say?"

"Just that I had to leave. I needed to walk, to process that… that she had lied to me. I wasn't expecting her to be gone when I came back, I was hoping we could talk when we had calmed down…"

"Well, from my years of experience of being her friend, I'm guessing she left either because she thought you wanted her to, or because she didn't want to hurt you anymore. Probably some combination of the two." She took another drink. "Yes, Jen's an idiot. She should have told you about the shit Lance was doing to her. She was probably trying to protect you, or spare your feelings." She shook her head. "But I can tell you with absolute certainty that she doesn't love him. She might make dumb decisions, but she hates him with every bit of her."

Their food arrived, and I tried a hesitant spoonful of curry. It was surprisingly good, if completely different than what I was used to eating. We ate in silence for a few moments before I voiced my thoughts.

"It just… it doesn't feel that way. It may be the case, but… I dunno."

Sarlanda raised an eyebrow. "I said she was an idiot, not delusional. Really, would you still love someone who abused you for years, assaulting you at every chance, even years after the relationship ended?" She scoffed. "No, she doesn't love him, but Lance is never going to give up. He's the most tenacious person I know." She took another bite before deciding to continue.

"Look, the thing is… Lance grew up with a far greater sense of privilege than he ever should have been allowed. He was always Father's favorite, the eldest son, pride of the family, blah blah blah. Point is, he always got what he wanted, no matter what. And I guess, when he met Jennifer on the train first year, he could sense that she was timid, unsure, easy to manipulate. He was the first person to give her the time of day, and she latched on to him without his having to do anything other than smile at her." She took a long, thoughtful drink. "Has she ever told you she asked the Hat to put her in Slytherin?"

I nearly choked on the rice in my mouth. "Wh-what?"

"Yeah. I mean, she came from the Muggle world, so really she didn't know better, but she wanted to be with Lance and I. She was so upset when she was put in Gryffindor. It all worked out, but…" She stirred her food. I had given up on eating mine half way through. It was good, but I had lost my appetite very quickly. "She took a lot of shit from him, too much abuse disguised as good will. But he wouldn't take no for an answer. So when she broke up with him… I think she's the first person to ever say no to him. It's driven him mental." She looked up and gave me a very hard look. "He's not going to stop at anything until she gives him what he wants. Not for me, not for you, not ever for Voldemort. You need to be watching your back. I don't think he'll kill you, since you could still be used as a bargaining chip, but he's plenty capable of torture. I've seen it."

My throat was dry. I reached for my water. "B-bargaining chip?"

She nodded. "Your life for hers. He's going to hit a point where he's desperate enough to do it."

I ran a hand through my hair. "You're serious," I said, more to myself than her. "God, I've been so stupid."

Sarlanda shook her head. "Honestly, you didn't know the extent of it. I wouldn't expect Jen to have divulged that information, and it's not like you can just waltz up to Lance and question him on it."

Our plates were taken away. I got a box for the rest of my food, mostly because I was tired of eating poorly. I really needed to invest some time in working out my cooking.

"What should I do?" I asked. Sarlanda was far cleverer than I was. She must have the answers.

"Just know that I'm not trying to change your mind. I'm not saying that your feelings are wrong, because you're totally justified. She lied. She broke your trust. That's a fact and you're allowed to feel angry about it. I just… want you to know a more complete story. As close as I could tell it, anyways. I thought it might help."

"But what do I do? I don't know what to say to her…"

She frowned. "I… I don't know." She looked perturbed by her own answer. "I'm not really one to give relationship advice. I guess… be honest. And be patient with her. You're lucky those are two of your best traits." She grinned. "Come on, we should go."

I checked my watch. I had ten minutes to get back to the Ministry. "Yeah."

"I'll see you back, I'm headed that way anyways."

We walked together back through the crowded Muggle streets. I kept trying to think through everything she had just told me, but it was a lot. I'd have to wait until I got home to really process this, maybe make a plan for what I wanted to do next.

"And Cedric?"

"Hmm?"

"Seriously, any time you need to talk. I'm as much your friend as I am Jen's. You can trust me."

I shrugged on my robes in the alley outside of the subway loo. "Thanks. I appreciate it."

She gave me a smile. "Great. Have a good day, then."

"Yeah, you too."

This used to be two chapters that got combined after lots of editing last week while my internet was out (hence no update last week)

The title is from Devil in the Details by Placebo: watch?v=ZvTdHg6CD1I

Also, as a very far in advance warning, within the next 10 chapters or so, I will be upping the rating of the fic. The plot I have planned demands a higher rating, and I'd rather change that than skirt around certain subjects. Proper warnings will be provided when they happen!

Thanks for being patient. Drop me a review and let me know what you think!
-Icamane