Chapter 16

By Sunday the case was over, the ghost of Jennifer Williams and Andrew Summers were sent to wherever they were going, and they were back in the Impala on their way back to Solon Springs. Taking Claire, who apparently had insisted on joining them or following them, had been surprisingly helpful and eased the tension between the brothers. Sadly as they got closer to the house that tension quickly returned, sucking the air out of the car. Claire and Dean's upbeat conversation faded to silence and Sam could feel the anxiety rolling off him in waves.

When they finally pulled up and Claire practically leapt out, Sam wished he could do the same. He stared at the blacked out house. Clearly Gabriel was still at work. He checked his watch.

"She did good." Dean announced beside him.

Sam glanced from Dean to the house. "Yeah, I still don't like the thought of her hunting."

"Better with us than without, I guess." Dean murmured.

"Yeah. That's was Gabriel's argument too." he heard Dean inhale sharply and gritted his teeth. He pinched at the bridge of his nose and released a weary sigh. "Are you ever going to let it go?"

"Let what go?" Dean asked, his tone light and too innocent.

"Us. Me and Gabriel. I get it okay, you don't like him. You hate that I'm with him. I'm sorry I'm not your perfectly straight brother anymore. - I'm sorry I didn't find a nice girl to settle down with, but I'm not going to just change my life because you want me to. I'm done doing that." he snapped. "I'm not doing it again, Dean. I can find a balance, I've proven that. He isn't stopping me from hunting. Hell he practically forced me to keep going when you vanished. - We're not the problem here Dean, you are."

Sam stared at his brother, watching Dean's fingers tightened around the wheel, his jaw muscles ticking out a constant angry rhythm.

"I just don't get it Sam. It's like I came home to a stranger. I don't know you anymore."

"Or maybe you never knew me. - Cause I know I didn't know myself." Sam sighed.

Dean opened his mouth to argue only to snap it shut once again.

The pair fell silent once more. Sam stared at the house as the lights came on, with them a warmth spread through him.

"I never...wanted this for you."

Sam's head snapped around to glare at his brother, his green eyes narrowing.

"I never wanted this life. Hunting." Dean quickly clarified. "I wanted my brother back."

Sam sighed.

"I wanted you back in my life, even if it was for forty-eight hours. I never imagined it would have..." he trailed off regretfully.

"You could have dropped by anytime Dean."

"Could I?" Dean asked sceptically.

Sam sighed. He knew Dean had a point, he hadn't made an effort to stay in touch. In fact he'd practically erased both his father and Dean from his life. The only reason Jessica had even known about them was because it was impossible not to mention Dean when discussing how his mom died. He wasn't proud of it, not in anyway, but it had just been easier. - And maybe part of him had been angry at Dean for never taking his side, for always defending their father. For loving the life. He slumped in the seat with another tired sigh. "I'm sorry Dean."

"It's fine. It's forgotten."

"It's not though, is it?" Sam said, turning sharp knowing eyes on his brother. "You think I'm going to do it again. Have this normal life and kick you to the curb."

Dean frowned at him, opening his mother to argue, or maybe to call a halt to the conversation. After all it was getting a little close to the knuckle. Too deep and personal for his hard-ass, screw the world sensibilities but Sam talked right over him.

"That's not what's happening here Dean. Jeez, I'm here. I'm hunting. I'm trying to bring you with me Dean, but you're fighting me. You're pushing me away. - And why? Because you don't like the fact that I'm with a guy?"

The tick returned to Dean's jaw. "It's...I'm not..." he cleared his throat, shifting awkwardly against the leather. "I haven't got anything against...you know, I just never expected... - It's a lot to get my head around okay. I need time."

"How much time Dean?"

"I don't know, okay!"

Sam exhaled a slow breath and looked intensely at his brother, searching for something but unsure what. Dean stared at his hands on the steering wheel, his knuckles white. "Is this about my relationship or yours?" Sam eventually asked. - And instantly regretted it as Dean's gaze snapped dangerously to lock with his.

"You should probably get in there, he probably has dinner on the table." Dean snipped furiously.

"He's not home yet." Sam murmured.

"Then Claire's in there on her own." Dean reminded him flatly, shifting forward in his seat and bracing his hands in preparation to leave.

"She's seventeen, she's fine." Sam replied, reluctantly to get out of the car that had been his home for almost seven years.

Dean shot Sam an almost pleading look, like he needed this to be over. Like it was too much for him. Sighing regretfully, Sam reached for the door, shoving it open before pausing. He looked back at Dean for a moment. "What did you say to him?" he demanded.

"What?" Dean ground out.

"Last time you dropped me off, you and Gabriel had a fight, what did you say to him?"

Dean met his eyes coldly. "Nothing that wasn't true. - What don't you ask him?"

"I have, he won't tell me."

Dean looked both surprised and grateful.

"Dean?"

"What does it matter?"

Sam stared at his brother, reading the stubbornness in the set of his jaw and the green of his eyes. Grinding his teeth in frustration, Sam grunted angrily, reaching into the backseat for his bag. Pausing once more to look at his brother. "I'm not leaving them Dean, so either deal with that or... Get used to hunting alone." with that he shoved the door shut with a loud metallic bang.

Sam threw his duffle over his shoulder and headed for the house. He heard the growl of the Impala's engine but chose not to look back. He stepped through the door and was instantly welcome home by an excited Riot. His big tongue hanging out as he stared up at Sam with warm dark eyes filled with unconditional love and support.

"Dean leaving?" Claire asked from the kitchen doorway, a bread roll in her hand.

Sam nodded, turning towards the stairs. There was no need to explain, Claire wasn't stupid. She knew what was going on, knew how Dean felt about Gabriel.

_What Doesn't Kill You_

It was the hardest three weeks since Dean had returned from Purgatory. His brother hadn't made any contact since their latest fight. Not calling with a single case, despite there being a werewolf in Boston. Garth had informed him that Dean was still hunting, he was just choosing not to take Sam along, and that hurt. Maybe he'd pushed Dean too hard to except his new life, Gabriel specifically. Maybe he should have taken things slower. As it was he'd pushed Dean away in his attempt to pull him closer.

Knowing that left Sam frustrated and snappish, unsettled and restless, and with nothing to do but think. He knew that he was taking out that frustration on Gabriel and Claire, the ex-angel telling him flat-out to suck it up and get off their cases. "It's not our fault Dean's a jackass!" then he's taken Claire to a movie, leaving Sam fuming. So he'd taken is shotgun out to the back field and let off some steam before settling down in front of his laptop.

He spent the next few house surfing on-line, looking at college classes, considering maybe going back to school. Though considering his criminal record, it looked unlikely he'd get a second chance to Stanford.

He was checking out on-line schools when Claire and Gabriel finally returned, wrapped in their thick coats, hats and scarfs. Peppered with snow and carrying a take-out bag. Sam looked up and sent the pair an apologetic smile. Claire, as always, forgave him instantly, hanging up her jacket and joining him on the couch with the bag of they'd brought back.

It took Gabriel another couple of hours and an apologetic blowjob before he forgave him, but thankfully by dawn the next day they were back to normal, though Sam's irritation at Dean lingered.

_What Doesn't Kill You_

Sam had given up on Christmas years ago. He didn't buy into the cherry festive cliché. The last Christmas party Sam had attended had been the year before Jessica's death. She'd insisted that he returned home with her and meet her parents. It had been nice. Her parents had accepted him with open arms, but watching the happy family had only driven home how much his own family wasn't like that.

Sure they'd been happy-ish. Dean and his dad had been fine with the insanity, the constant danger. The lack of any kind of normal structure. They didn't have thanksgiving or Christmas like normal people, they rarely celebrated birthdays, because they all highlighted the fact that one member of their family wasn't there to share them.

And now, stood in the corner of Annabella's house, watching everyone around him laughing and drinking, having a good time, he felt that sadness again. The loss of not being able to share this with his own family.

HE still hadn't heard from Dean and he was beginning to realize his brother had made his choice. He didn't want to be around him as long as he was with Gabriel.

Sam's eyes scanned the room to finally settle on the ex-archangel. He was stood with a couple of guys he'd introduced as fellow deputies when they'd arrived. Smiling and joking. Sam felt warmth spread through his chest and his lips curved. He didn't have Dean any loner but he wasn't alone, he'd built a new family for himself with Gabriel and Claire. He had the normal life he'd always wanted.

"So you're still here?"

He turned sharply to stare down at the brunette, her brown eyes burning deeply into his. "Rita." he nodded welcomingly.

"Have to say I'm surprised. I would have had money on you splitting against by now."

"Sorry to disappoint." Sam replied coldly.

Rita smirked up at him, her red lips shimmering in the ceiling lights. "I can wait, you'll get itchy feet again."

Sam narrowed his gaze at the woman. "No, I won't!" he snapped.

Rita scoffed. "So you're really ready for this? To have an actual relationship."

"We've been together a long time, it was just a bump in the road." he growled quietly.

Rita shook her head. "I know the truth." she said calmly. "I know you guys weren't together when you came here."

Sam glowered down at her. "And how exactly do you know that?" he demanded, his instincts on high alert.

"Gabriel told me, obviously." she snorted, lifting a drink to her lips.

Sam's gaze flashed furiously to Gabriel across the room, he seemed to sense his glare because he looked over and frowned. "And what did he tell you?"

"That you took him in when he had nowhere to go."

Sam stared into Gabriel's increasingly worrying eyes. Now he wanted to tell the truth? Why couldn't he have done that two years ago? "Yeah."

"Then the stupid idiot fell in love with you..." Rita continued. "...and you just led him on so he'd take care of your kid while you lived your own life."

Sam's head snapped back to Rita, his vision blurring for a second or two. "Excuse me? That's not what happened!" he yelled, a little too loud. "I didn't lead him on." Sam insisted, quickly lowering his voice dangerously. "And he wasn't in love with me."

Rita shook her head, disgusted and angry. "Who are you trying to kid, I saw it. We all saw it. - And if he wasn't in love with you, you think he'd have taken you back so easily? Please."

Sam inhaled sharply, his eyes going back to Gabriel, who was walking quickly through the crowd. He knew Rita was right, on both counts. Part of him had led Gabriel on, and maybe he'd known even then that the ex-archangel felt something for him. And maybe that's why he'd fought so hard against his own attraction.

"Even if you hadn't screwed Gabe over." Rita announced furiously. "The fact that you just skipped out on your kid, is reason enough to fucking hate you." she growled it, drawing Sam's attention once more. "Neither of them deserve an asshole like you."

Sam scared down at her and saw the pure loathing boiling away in her. Sam had learnt to read people over the years, learn to see past the surface and right now he was seeing that her anger wasn't solely aimed at him.

"Hey guys, what's...?" Gabriel interrupted, looking between them nervously.

"I need another drink." Rita announced, turning on her heels and marching away, a little unsteady on her legs.

"I think she's had enough." Sam murmured.

"Yeah. I'm going to..." Gabriel took a couple of step before pausing and looking back at Sam, who nodded.

_/\/\_

"Everything okay?" Annabella asked, appearing out of the air in front of him.

"Have you seen Rita? She's...I think..." Gabriel asked worriedly.

"She's fine, Harvey has her." Annabella dismissed. "How are you?"

Gabriel exhaled a long relieved breath. "I'm fine."

"You don't look fine." Annabella said softly with a smile, following him back to the den.

Gabriel froze mid-step and stared into the large room, watching Sam talking to one of their neighbours and looking bored. "I'm worried about Sam."

"Oh?" Annabella replied, her tone making it clear that she still wasn't approving of their 'rekindled' relationship. "Why?"

"He's..." Gabriel shook his head, turning on his heels and heading back to the kitchen. He snatched up the bottle of Johnny Walker and poured himself a large glass. He could feel Annabella's eyes on him every second.

"Gabriel?" She whispered, stepping up to him and rested her hand on his shoulder.

"He's missing his family. His brother."

Annabella smiled sadly. "Understandable this time of year."

Gabriel shook his head. "He hasn't spoken to him in weeks and after..."

"What?" Annabella's brows creased. "I thought he was dead?"

Gabriel sighed. "Mistake. It turned out he was just missing in action." he turned finally to meet Annabella's gaze. His glass cradled between his palms. "Anyway, he came back, but he's...he's not happy about me and Sam. - We don't get on." Gabriel stared down into his glass. "I didn't some stuff that Dean can't forgive me for, and I get it, its well deserved." he insisted. "But now he's cutting Sam off because of me." Gabriel gulped down his drink and turned back to the bottle. "I never wanted to come between them."

Annabella moved closer, turning to lean on the counter at his elbow, her eyes sadly watching him.

"He..." Gabriel swallowed thickly. "He pretty much said it was just a phase. That I was a convenience." he inhaled sharply at the memory. - And I think he might be right." he choked out.

"Oh Gabriel."

"He said I'll never replace Jessica."

"Jessica?" Annabella frowned.

"Sam's ex." looking sadly down into his glass.

"I thought Claire's mom was called Amelia?"

"She was. Jessica died years ago, before Amelia. - She was his college girlfriend. She died in a fire, he saw the whole thing. - Dean said he'll never..." Gabriel shook his head, downing the alcohol. "It doesn't matter, the point is Sam's missing his brother and I don't know what to do. How to fix It." he groaned frustratingly. "They're so close, they're all each other has."

"They have Claire. - And you." Annabella reminded him harshly. "If this Dean jerk can't deal with that then maybe Sam's better off without him."

Gabriel shook his head. "If I thought that was true I wouldn't be so worried. - Or so guilty."

"You've got nothing to feel guilty about." Annabella snapped.

"It would be easier if he were, but he's an alright guy, he'd just... He's seen more than he should, even before the war. He's just a little messed up." he murmured, losing himself in his own regrets.

Annabella was quiet for a long moment before finally clearing her throat. "I wish I could tell you want to do Gabriel, I really do. Part of me things you guys should be glad to be rid of him, if he'd giving you a hard time. - The other part of me says you should try to make an effort. I know how hard some of our boys have had it since returning from the war."

Gabriel nodded sadly, if only she knew just what Dean and Sam had been through, maybe then she'd understand. - And perhaps give Sam a break.

"I guess ultimately it comes down to how much you love Sam, and how much he loves Sam."

Gabriel took a deep slow breath, giving Annabella a grateful smile, he pushed away from the counter and headed for the backdoor. "I think I need a little air."

Outside he filled his lungs as he stared up at the night sky. His hands buried deep in his pockets, shivering as the cold winter wind battered his skin. He should have put his jacket on before coming out to the yard. As he shoved his hands deeper, his shoulders slumping forward to fight off the chill, his cell phone scraped the back of his fingers. Looking down at the bulge, he pulled it free and stared at it.

He was dialling Dean's number before he was fully aware of it. He didn't know if Dean would pick up, and didn't much care if he didn't. In fact it would probably before the best if he didn't.

As predicted the call rang out, Dean's voice mail picking up after five rings.

"This is Dean, leave a message and I'll get back to you."

Gabriel took a breath. "Dean, its Gabriel. Don't worry, Sam's fine. Well, as fine as he can be with you ignoring him." he pressed his lips hard together, dragging his free hand through his hair. "Look, I don't give a damn if you hate me, or if you hate that I'm with Sam. But he does. - Look Dean, he's you're..." he groaned, frustrated with his own inability to find the right words. He never had trouble speaking his mind before. "Look, asshole, its Christmas, I know Sam wants to see you, so if you can get your self-righteous, stubborn head out of your ass for more than five seconds, dinner will be on the table at 1pm. Come or don't, that's your choice. I guess it depends on how much you love your brother." His heart was racing when he hung up, his body trembling from the cold. He jumped as a pair of large long arms encircled him. Blanketing him in much needed heat. The warmth of Sam's breath against his neck as the taller man leant over him.

"You didn't have to do that." Sam whispered, his lips brushing at Gabriel ear lightly.

Gabriel closed his eyes and leant into the warmth, shoving his phone back into his pocket. "Maybe." he sighed.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." Gabriel said quietly, turning his head to capture Sam's lips in a soft sweet kiss.

"He won't come." Sam stated matter-of-factly, tilting his head back to stare up at the night sky, his chin resting on Gabriel's head.

Gabriel exhaled slowly, following Sam's gaze. "Then he's a bigger dick than I thought. - But at least you can't say I didn't try."

"You don't have to try." Sam insisted firmly. "He's the one with the problem, he's the one making this an ultimatum."

Gabriel let himself relax into Sam's embrace almost allowing himself to believe Sam might actually care about him. - Maybe actually love him. Just enough to make this work.

A/N: Because it's taking me so long to write this up, the chapter will be short. I'm actually considering doing what I'd originally planned and splitting the story in two.