Chapter 10 Try by Colbie Caillet
The thought of dying had crossed her mind repeatedly in the past just so she could be with her parents again. The only reason she stuck around was the farm and the people that she called her second family. There also was the fact that there was no way she could go through with it. Her subconscious would let her know about all the times she would be missing out if she did commit suicide.
But now she felt like dying was the better course of action because of the punishment Makarov had for her. Being a barmaid was hard even though Mira made it look as easy as sweeping the floor. She knew she was going to screw up on orders and get flustered from being overwhelmed. It just didn't help with the outfit both Mira and Makarov chose for her to wear. It was something she couldn't catch herself wearing at any point in her life.
"No. You can't make me step out there and wear these . . . pieces of cloth." Emi complained as she kept her body pressed up against the closet door. Anyone getting in was the one thing she didn't need. Being caught in this type of outfit was another thing she wasn't wanting people to catch her in.
"Emi it's fine. Cana does it all the time." Mira attempted to reason though the look on Makarov's face said that it wasn't working.
"That's Cana. She's fine with flaunting what she has. I'm not and never will." She argued as she shook her head. She knew no one could see it but she still did it anyway.
A silent sigh escaped the older man as his fingers rapped against his staff. It almost reminded him of the teenage rebellion he had to deal with from Laxus years ago. Though, he wasn't sure which predicament was worse at the moment. He could at least get Laxus under control considering he was family and practically raised the boy himself. This was Emi who wasn't blood related and had more psychological problems then his grandson.
"Emi." Mira practically purred causing the older man to snap his gaze up at her. The usual smile that was sweet and innocent was replaced by one that held determination and what looked like annoyance. "Come on out here. Or I can go get Erza and have her help me drag you out of that closet."
Her breathing almost stopped at the obvious threat from the take over mage. If there had been a few things she's learned over the years it was not to piss off certain people. Mira was one of those people along with Erza. Erza, however, wouldn't do anything to find out about the person you had a crush on because she wouldn't try to play matchmaker like Mira. Shakily her hand gripped the handle and mentally counted down to gain some courage.
Like she wanted to do this in the first place. Dressing like this was always out of the question even when she had shifts at the strip joint. She always made sure she had an extra pair of clothes to change into on the off chance her coworkers would try to hide the clothes she came walking in. She honestly lost count of how many times they did that in the past.
Slowly she turned the knob and opened the door. She couldn't help but think she was going to find a sight that might petrify her. From some of the rumors that went around with how ruthless Mira was made her expect to reveal something more frightening than Erza.
Instead of seeing one of the souls that Mira had she was only greeted by the cheerful, almost creepy smile that was plastered on the woman's face. Was she in trouble and possibly see her life flash before her eyes? Or will her punishment get extended for this small rebellion? She hoped not because she missed just popping in and spending the rest of the day on the farm where she knew no one would pester her.
"Are you ready Emi?" Mira questioned. Deep down she could feel the all too familiar restlessness of her other forms as they itched for some time out in the open. They wanted it to be like the old days where she would give into the temptation of a fight or any type of scuffle. But she knew she couldn't.
Swallowing with her brain screaming at her to run, the auburn haired farmer slowly nodded.
"Good." Mira chirped as Makarov let some of the tension he had from the situation leave his body. Grabbing hold of her wrist the takeover mage hauled her out to the main hall of the guild. "Now I need you to take these to Bixlow and the Thunder Legion. Erza needs another slice of her strawberry cake."
Emi eyed the tray up almost as if it had grew limbs or started talking. It also didn't help with the size the slice of cake was. It seemed to consume the platter it was sitting on which made her wonder if it wasn't the whole cake secretly. Slowly she met the other woman's gaze and slowly nodded.
She could do this. It was just a couple of things which was good. It wasn't like she was having to memorize a list of orders and take them to the correct tables. Taking it softly her grass green eyes scanned the slightly bustling room for the tables that everyone was at.
Natsu and Happy were chowing away at lunch which looked to have been over four plates ago if she was eating. Lucy was across them with a small bowl of something a cup of what she assumed was tea. Gray was sitting behind them with Juvia sitting across from him and babbling about something. It looked like some sort of discussion but she wasn't about to pry. Levy had Drory and Jet on either side of her as she tried to do a possible translation job with how deep in thought she looked. Gajeel and Panther Lily were by one of the windows soaking up the sunshine with iron and kiwi in hand.
As she took in everyone she noticed Erza on the other side of the room but no where close to the Thunder Legion. Making her way she tried her best to keep an eye out for any possible trip hazards. Like she wanted to wear sashimi and coffee like yesterday.
"Erza? Here you go." She tried to sound as cheerful as Mira usually was but something told her it wasn't working when Erza barely paid her any attention. Sitting down the plate she watched the reequip wizard finally glance her way as if she just came out of a daydream. "Do you need any tea or anything to go along with it?"
A quick shake of her head was the only answer as she took a small bite of the dessert. The fact she was unusually quiet concerned her since she was so used to her voicing her opinion and keeping the peace between Natsu and Gray. Something had to be troubling her but forcing it out of her would do more harm than good.
"Well if you need anything or to talk about whatever is on your mind I'm here." She said softly as she walked pass the older auburn haired woman. As she went to the usual table the Thunder Legion occupied she almost stopped dead in her tracks. It was as if she saw a ghost or something that couldn't be explained.
She had to be seeing things that had to be the best explanation. It was either that or just a figment of her imagination because Makarov wouldn't allow him to just waltz back in when he clearly wasn't a member. Maybe she was just dreaming about him being back in the guild because she missed the good old days. With a quick pinch to her side Emi held back the yelp which told her she wasn't dreaming like she thought.
"You really do need to keep dressing like that short stack. It's better than those baggy, ragged clothes you normally wear." Bixlow almost purred causing her to roll her eyes. Just like yesterday he was obviously trying to flirt. Even the wiggle of his tongue as it hung out was the same as yesterday.
She didn't enjoy dressing in tight fitting jeans that were dyed a dark color. She liked having room to move around in her pants and not have the risk of ripping them out. The same went with the tops she was forced to wear. Each shirt was practically low cut and showed off her stomach.
But today it was a plain black vest which in her opinion left little to the imagination. Even showing off her guild mark which was located where her diaphragm would be wasn't something she wanted. She couldn't understand why her younger self chose that location. Right now she wished she was like everyone else and had it in a spot that was easily accessible.
An eyebrow rose as she set the mugs down on the table. The urge to be snarky with the Seith mage came to mind but she decided against it. "No. This is the last day you'll be seeing me dress like this."
"Or I could just go to the strip joint." Bixlow added with a chuckle. It even earned a laugh from Laxus.
Pushing her bottom lip out as she glared at the group she almost gave into the desire to smack him with the tray in her hand. She expected teasing since she announced her second job but it seemed Bixlow and a few others were pushing their limits at times. It was supposed to be comradery but right now it wasn't to her.
"Go ahead. You don't know my work schedule." She chirped then grinned as she leaned down at the man. "Before you ask Laxus he doesn't know either. I don't write them down just on this predicament."
A small giggle escaped Evergreen as she hid her smirk behind her fan. Emi was showing a lot more spunk then usual which in her opinion was doing her some good. It was obviously that Fairy Tail girls weren't meek and depended on others. They were the exact opposite of that and finally she was seeing that in Emi.
His eyelid twitched behind the mask as he watched her and his leader for any indication they were lying. No one had that good of a memory. But Bixlow found nothing of what he was hoping to find. "You got me there."
A huff escaped her as a sign of victory as Emi turned her attention to the blond at the table. Why was he there? It wasn't like he said anything to her yesterday or this morning about him being at the guild. "Now riddle me this Laxus. Why are you here if you've been expelled from the guild?"
The thought of being punished for his stupidity crossed his mind thanks to her. It also caused him to wince as if she did slap him with the tray. He preferred if she did that instead of making him think about his mistake. He also wasn't sure if he could get used to her being bold. It seemed like she was hanging around Natsu too much when he doubted that.
As he met her gaze he noticed a softness in them as if she was trying to come off as harmless. There was no way she was harmless so he knew that was a ruse.
"You didn't hear from Lucy?" Freed rejoiced which made the farmer step back in fear of him hugging her. The sight of him practically crying for joy surprised her since he normally kept a stoic face. It made her wonder if he wasn't on some kind of potion or just didn't get enough sleep.
"Um . . . no. I left here then hurried over to Prurient because I was running late. Getting changed and warm ups didn't help with that either." Emi explained as she looked at the small group. "So what exactly did I miss?"
"Gildarts became the new master even if it was for what felt like seconds before handing it back to Master Makarov. But, while he was acting as master he reinstated Laxus as a member of the guild." Bixlow practically cackled as he thought back to the look on the older man's face. He didn't blame him though since retirement probably was looking like an easy thing to do instead of running a guild again.
Quickly her gaze snapped over to the blond at the announcement and tried her best to seem intimidating for someone that didn't reach five foot three. For all she knew she reminded him of Happy when he was mad about his fish or someone picking on his friends. She could only try because there was no way she would let him push her around like back in the day. "Oh really?"
"You got a problem with it? We can fix that real quick and you know that." Laxus questioned behind his mug as he matched her intense stare with his own. Unlike her he could add a little of his magic to add to the intimidation.
An eyebrow rose as she tried to cross her arms with the tray still in hand. It meant a lot of things would be changing which she wasn't looking forward to. She didn't want some of those things to change because it only meant negative outcomes for her. Knowing Laxus he was going to go back to his jerky self most likely. He would get his own place which meant she was going to be all alone in that house again. No wonder she could never stay happy; it just eventually went away.
"No." She muttered as her gaze fell to her feet in what looked like defeat. The urge to run off and hide filled her mind to the point she felt her legs tense up for the action. But she didn't give in like she wanted. "I . . . um . . . guess you'll be moving out in a couple days right?"
"Well we'll be going on a training expedition. Natsu got us infected with the need to get Fairy Tail back on top." Evergreen chimed in with a small smirk. "We'll be gone for about three months give or take."
She completely forgot about the Grand Magic Games. It wasn't like she competed since she was below average compared to the rest of the guild. All she could do was sit on the sidelines and cheer her guild on and stay with her aunt and uncle.
"After that will be when I move out." Laxus added though the look on her face made him think she was on the verge of breaking. But why? He figured she would be ecstatic that he was leaving because he was positive she wanted to throw him out at times.
"Oh." Emi whispered and bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself in check. For someone that forced his way into her house she wanted him to stay. It felt right that he was there and she couldn't explain it.
But her words meant nothing if she tried to keep him there. All she was was someone that catered to him when he had no place to go. That was all. There was no chance that there was more to it because she wasn't like the type of girls he fancied.
Mentally she slapped herself to get herself composed so she wouldn't break down in front of the group. The stares from the four of them were getting to be too much for her.
"Well if you need anything just holler." She stated robotically and walked away.
As much as she wanted to dwell on the subject of Laxus basically being gone she knew she couldn't. She couldn't control any aspect of his life because she was nothing to him. Just someone that happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time that was all.
Setting the tray down behind the bar she subconsciously started to watch everyone. It seemed like had gotten quieter as time went on as if people were up and leaving. Even as she looked around she noticed that the two troublemakers that were Gray and Natsu were not there unlike the last time she noticed.
"Where is everyone Master? Its almost deserted like before you guys got back from Tenrou Island." Emi questioned as she laid her head down on the rickety bar.
"Training for the Grand Magic Games. Unless you're the few that are pretty much against the idea and stuck around." The giddiness she noticed in his voice made her look over at the older man.
"So everyone that was on the island?"
"Almost. My lug head of a grandson and his team will be leaving shortly. Then maybe we'll have a chance at all that Jewel." Makarov gushed though to her it sounded like a squeal of delight. It almost reminded her of all the stories Lucy told her the other day of some of the requests she went on since joining Fairy Tail.
She knew it definitely meant that this place would be dead much like in the past. The thought of this place not being as lively as it had been since everyone returned caused her heart to ache. Grimacing as thoughts were dredged up from the negative thought, she tried to pull herself away from thinking further so she could not dwell on it. But she couldn't. She couldn't help but think about her father's murder and what else took place that day. All she wanted to do was look to the future even if it didn't seem like anything was going to change. She was just going to be alone taking care of the farm.
"Then will it be okay if I call it a day? I have to get my things from Lucy's and see how the farm is." She questioned as she glanced at him from the corner of her eye. Mentally she couldn't help but pray he would allow her to. Especially considering Laxus was the one looking after the farm, so things had to be in a disarray.
Looking at the young woman Makarov watched her. It was almost like she was trying to hide something from him but from what he learned in the past he wasn't going to force her into spilling her inner secrets again. For all he knew she probably didn't know what the secret she was keeping yet.
"I don't see why not. Kinana is still here so it isn't like the place won't have anyone serving." He answered finally with a shrug.
She nodded and practically ran out the door with the clothes she walked in in the morning in hand. All she wanted to do was get away as far as she could from Laxus and the Thunder Legion. Just seeing him made her want to curl up in a ball because she knew the time of him keeping her company was over.
Her body felt like it was running on autopilot as she made her way to and inside Lucy's apartment. It was vacant which told her that the celestial mage was off training with Natsu already. Biting down onto her lip Emi rushed through getting her things packed.
"I don't see why I should be surprised. Being alone is the only type of company I can have." She whispered as if she was afraid someone would overhear her when it was just her there.
The fun times were great while they lasted. But she was left behind once more fighting her own demons by herself. Not like she expected anyone to stay behind to help her get better mentally.
She quickly locked the door and made her way to the farm that she called home. Some form of what she considered normal was all she wanted at the moment. The old swing that she no longer used with the occasional noise from one of the animals. The creaky floorboard that she wanted to fix but now it was something she needed in her life.
Even as she rushed through the yard with a noise coming from one of the deer, she raised she felt a sort of giddiness. It reminded her of when she was younger, her birthday, or a special holiday was coming up.
Emi tried to resist the urge to throw the front door open after getting it unlocked. Setting her ragged old bag down by the doorway her gaze took in the familiar living room that she spent so many nights in awake with worry or fear. The book she forgot to grab for the two days at Lucy's still sat on the coffee table.
Nothing seemed to be out of place until her grass green eyes looked at the wall that had the lacrima vision on it. The picture that she tried to bury away in her parents' room was back and looking like new. The one thing she wanted to hideaway for eternity because it brought up the past she hated to think about. Now instead of staying where she wanted it to be it was out in the open along with other things that reminded her of the parents she lost.
"Damn it Laxus why?" It was a soft whimper as she rubbed at her eyes to keep herself from crying. The thought to run back to the guild to give him a piece of her mind sounded like a good idea. Even a punch which was odd for her.
Knowing her luck, he was long gone by now. So, the trip back to the guild hall would be pointless.
Slumping down into the recliner she laid her head in her hands as she felt the overwhelming thoughts race through her mind. Why did he bother to do this? Did he not understand how she felt about the reminders of her parents? Was he trying to be cruel and leave a sick joke for her?
The urge to scream bubbled up in her throat but she didn't give in. Slowly she pulled her face away and looked at the dark stained coffee table. Underneath the book was a couple of things that looked to be new from two days ago. She must not have been paying attention earlier to notice them.
Pushing the book aside she grabbed what looked to be a small pile of folded letters or something of the sort. From the look of the paper they were at least a few years old which told her they were somewhere in her parents' room.
"Damn snoop." Emi muttered to herself as she opened one of the papers. The handwriting wasn't her father's which told her it had to be Laxus because the few things she had like her mother's recipes was in a neat writing. Her father's was a little sloppy with some of the letters capitalized when they shouldn't be.
Emi,
Go ahead and get mad at me. Freed even told me not to do it but there's a few things I've learned over the years especially after Gramps threw me out of the guild. We can either dwell on the past and let it control us which you're doing even if you don't want to admit it. Or we can learn from it and move on. I will admit now I was a complete jackass especially during the festival and returning from Tenrou Island.
But I will say that I'm grateful you agreed to my blackmail scheme because you aren't the same little brat that pestered me. Even Evergreen thinks you've matured from the last time everyone had seen you. She even says that you aren't a coward considering you're constantly letting your past hold you back. The only other person I know that would stare down a charging animal would be Natsu. Which takes guts on your part and lack of brains on his.
I will admit also that your homecooked meals brought back a lot of memories I didn't realize I locked away. The times when I was younger and sitting at the dinner table with my own parents and grandfather. I didn't realize how much I missed them and everything that's changed over the years. I hate to say it but once I finally get my own place again, I will miss those times.
But there's a few things you need to know that I've uncovered while digging everything out of your parents' room. You don't want to know I'm sure but there was a lot of things that your father was hiding from you. Whether it was to protect you from the truth or just so you wouldn't find out. Who knows but one of them is with this letter. Knowing you you'll need tissues so grab some.
"Shut up." Emi muttered as she glared at the paper. She knew it wouldn't do any good, but she acted on the urge without any thought.
Her gaze dropped to the bottom where his name was signed. How much did he go through when he was in their room? Did he turn the place upside down as if he was looking for a certain object? As she set the letter down, she looked at the other folded piece of paper that was underneath the one she had From the look of the creases it had been read many times which had to of been her father.
Flipping it around she took in her full name with what looked like a moon and cloud drawn on it. Once more it wasn't her father's handwriting, so it had to be her mother's this time. So why would her father keep this from her if it was addressed to her in the first place? For all she knew it could be like in the movies where a deceased loved one send a letter or something on a birthday or special occasion.
Without any hesitation she opened the letter to find spots faded or blurred slightly as if water was spilled on it at one point. It could have been anything since it was obvious it was tucked away somewhere that she didn't think to look.
Emilia,
I love you so much my little angel. I really wanted to start this off with that because you mean the world to me and your father. When I was growing up, I did not want kids. I will admit that without wasting my breath. Maybe it was because your grandparents had me watch your uncle all the time or I just wanted some form of rebellion. I honestly don't know now that I'm looking back. I just know that when I met your father that all changed. You wouldn't believe how ecstatic I was when I found out I was pregnant with you. It was like I won all the money in the world that day.
Unfortunately, after I had you I started to come down sick every now and then. It started out as a cold at first, but it started to get worse over time. It seemed like no doctor or wizard could figure it out. From the stress of going to different strangers and being ill for so long it turned my hair white. I didn't want to go out because I hated the fact that my hair did that. I adored my hair just like you should with yours.
We didn't want to go to Porlyusica since it's obvious she can be scary, but she was the last chance we had for me to beat whatever it was. It had been a few years by this point, and I tried my best to remain strong for you because I didn't want you to see that I was weak. So, by this point we were desperate for any type of good news even if it seemed like a lost cause to me. I already knew the answer she would give us because it was the same everywhere else we went. So when she said she couldn't find anything it didn't surprise me though it bothered your father. He tried to hide it, but you know your father can be a softy when it comes to family.
I just know it broke my heart to see the turmoil your father was going through when it seemed like we kept hitting a dead end. All he wanted was the farm to prosper, you to be happy, and my health to be better. I could tell it was weighing him down because I've woken to your father crying when he should be sleeping himself. I honestly was scared that he could snap and do something he would regret later on. So, with this letter this is my goodbye to you my sweet angel.
I don't want your father to be constantly worrying about me when its obvious I'll never get better. I don't want you to think I took the coward's way out by taking my own life but it's to ease the burden on you guys. Knowing your father, he'll probably blame himself because he didn't do enough. But he did. I know he tried his hardest so please don't hate either of us.
Emilia please listen to your father when he has things to tell you. You're my daughter so that might be harder said then done. Don't argue so much with him because I know you're my daughter. You'll do just that. Also don't fall for any sweet words from boys when you do get old enough to start noticing them. Watch for their actions and how they treat others. Don't rush anything because end the worst way because of it.
Just know I'll always be watching over you and your father. I'll be your guardian angel and I'll do my best to keep you guys safe.
Love,
Your mother
Quickly Emi shook her head to try to help dispel the tears that had worked their way into her eyes. Why keep this from her? Did he think that she should stay in the fantasy of her mother passing from her illness? Did he think she couldn't handle it? It honestly seemed like a cruel joke from the both of them.
"Damn it Laxus. Damn it Papa, Mama." She whimpered as she looked at the paper that held his letter as if it was mocking her from the coffee table. All she wanted to do was cry while she looked at the letter blankly even when she knew she shouldn't. She also felt like chasing after the lightning mage for snooping around like he did.