Chapter 6- Just Need One Good One To Stay

So….for those that have not watched the promo for 8x03, please go do it now! For those that have, you already know where this little story is going. While we do not know where in the episode that scene is falling, right before a case or after everything wraps up, we do know that it is happening and involving the FBI. So, we're going to play a little 'what if' here and sort this scene out. Here. We. Go!

It had become the office elephant. A white cardboard box packed tight with mysterious papers from big brother, sent down from their presumed heavenly position to Hailey's desk. They were going between things when Platt held her up, commenting about the FBI sending out packages and Hailey had been a chosen one. Part of her was excited, proof that her time in New York wasn't totally wasted. She made an impact on these people, when the original task was for her to be impressed and put back in line with rules and regulations and understanding how undermining those is bad. But instead it appeared the very opposite occurred, her spunk, drive, and way of doing things seemed to be the exact thing the FBI was looking for, or at least that's what she assumed was tucked in the box. FBI wasn't one to send out thank you notes, postcards for how much they missed people, at least not ones of this size. So without saying anything, they all knew what was going on here.

But the other part of her was a bit upset in how the item had been delivered. She was not alone, things kept under wraps and handed off. Platt just thrust the thing in her hands, right in the middle of the hallway in the middle of the day with Jay right in the middle of them. But then again, it was so Platt-like to just do things immediately and in front of an audience. She was never the secret code, P.O. dropbox at midnight kind of person. So as Hailey clutched the heavy box in her hands, verifying that indeed it came from the FBI and it most certainly had her name on it, Hailey couldn't help but feel torn. While it all looked to be a career maker contained in the 8x11 box, it was just as equally a personal life wrecker. But then again, that came with job. You either went to the top but had nothing outside of the job, or you chose the family route and settled for simple, more mundane patrols. You could never equally balance the two, like it or not you had to chose. There was the old adage: when the personal life went up in smoke, it was time for a huge promotion. With hers undefined, but hope of becoming something, she felt the timing of this could not have come at a more imperfect time.

She loved him. It took her some time to finally admit that to herself, but she knew it to be as true as the sky being blue and Chicago being just about unbearable in the depths of winter. It took almost losing him to feel this way, those hibernating emotions erupting out of her as she sat in a waiting room. Hour after hour, the minutes clicking by, her mind was fixated on him. She came to realize, and agree, that to her, he was her everything. He was her confidant, her rock, her person to go to for every good and bad thing. Jay was her person, her other half in the job and, unsuspectingly, was ringing true for every other area of her life. To even think of life without him invoked the biggest fear, depression, regret out of her. It was then that she knew, that epiphany naturally wanting to lead to a confession. But fate had other plans, time and work and life swallowing them so fast that confessions just had to wait. She kept the truth about Jay close to her, saying someday at a better time and place she'd make the move. Well, it appeared that moment was going to have to happen fast, and by fast it had to be today.

"Drinks? Tonight? So we can talk about that thing that we're totally dancing around," Jay offered later in the day? Hailey was amazed he could be so upfront and talkative about it. Ever since Trudy handed off the weight of the world to her, all of Intelligence eyed the box and literally tip toed around the thing, Jay being the worst. His once serious and focused face totally melted to let down and daydreaming as Platt walked off. Hailey looked to him while clutching the box close to her, the initial reaction excited curiosity. But that mellowed out when she saw his disappointment, for lack of a better word. The lightbulb went off, that this wasn't his first rodeo in watching the FBI scoop away someone he cared for. A small part of Hailey took comfort in that, that he viewed her as important and precious enough to be that disheartened by the remote chance of her leaving him. But then again she kind of knew that. They loved each other as partners and work buddies, one ready to catch a bullet for the other. Hailey was screaming inside for Jay to just spit out his confession already. There was no way she was the only one that felt this way. Things this good and pure a deep were rarely figures of imaginations in one person. This kind of invisible connection is a mutual thing, one of those astrological things where love just did things you couldn't fully understand and describe. It just was, it was a language two people didn't realize they were speaking, that their syncing up was arranged by the one in control of it all.

"Yeah…sure. You pick the place," she replied with false normalcy. She was so nervous, excited, giddy at the prospect of the evening. From that point Jay's face perked up, all day long walking by her desk and eyeing the elephant hanging out on the corner with a smirk or eye roll on him. For sure Jay was jokingly mad it was occupying his usual perch, a complete accident on Hailey's part. When they returned to the office Hailey flung it down on the desk in a grand way, the loud thud of the thing making everyone jump in surprise.

Hailey wanted to rip the box open so bad the whole day. But the professionalism in her said it was so wrong to entertain a new opportunity while in the very setting of the current job. It was a disservice to the case they were working on, the victims undeserving of anything but her full attention. So she threw herself into the day, very surprised she had that kind of control to keep looking at the thick white box, but never came close to prying it open. But her patience gave out when the end of the day arrived. She toted the box to the locker room, placing it on the bench while she gathered her things. Jay stuck his head in and asked if she was ready, she told him to head on out and she'd meet him there. Once the room had thinned out and she was sure she was alone, the tab was frantically ripped open and the top letter poured over with great attention and thorough inspecting. It was incredible, sudden, certainly that fork in the road that all cops face. What a turn of events for the day, one she never saw when she woke up this morning. But those were the best adventures, the ones that came out of nowhere. Drinks with Jay had to the option to be both good, bad, or perhaps a mixture of the two.

She saw his waving hand after a moment or two of searching. The place was packed for a Wednesday night, the music and medium mumbled of the occupants providing a good barrier for semi-deep conversing. The alcohol was flowing and the level of relaxation was just about peaking, the laughter and chatter and occasional yelling confirming that no one was going to listen in on one of several talks happening in the place. Jay stood as she got close to the table, moving to her side and pulling the chair out as she placed her coat in her lap and sat down.

"Oh my, someone could think we were out on a date or something," she teased.

"Okay, next time I'll just kick it out and yell for you to sit." That was a good one, she gave him the victory of a solid laugh.

"I also got the usual," he announced as the waiter came with the drinks, smiling extra wide at Jay, locking eyes with him as she set everything down on the table. Hailey couldn't help but eye roll, the level of control and play he had on woman was really something to applaud. It took very little effort to wrap them around his finger. Hailey very much felt to be a lucky woman that knew him beyond the eyes and hair and physical make up…and also the glares of all women who were envious of her proximity to him.

"What?!" Jay was genuinely asking as Hailey rolled her eyes while pulling the drink to her lips.

"Oh come on, they're all drooling over you."

"Come on, stop. They're just being nice."

"Whatever." Silence was experienced as the two of them sipped the barely filled glasses before turning to the bottles of beer. Was it strange to partake of two things typically not paired? Perhaps, but the two of them didn't care. These meetings weren't about alcohol tastings, but instead about spilling their dark demons that they wrestled with for the day. It wasn't always pleasant, but it was their thing.

"So what did the FBI offer you?"

"How do you know it was an offer?"

"Because they don't send official looking stuff like that for absolutely nothing. So come on, what was it."

"Ugh," she teased, taking another gulp while she fully enjoyed watching him suffer in suspension. Having the power was so intoxicating and delightful.

"Joint level task force, starting in about a week. Enough time to wrap up whatever I'm working on, pack up and then ship out."

"Sounds very much like them. What's the joint level part?"

"You know how the feds work, big brother likes to work with themselves, keep it in house."

"So you would become an FBI agent but work with other agencies."

"Pretty sure I just said that." Jay nodded, sipping as he stared at some rowdy crowd behind her. There wasn't a mapped out route for how she expected this to go, but this wasn't exactly how she anticipated him behaving.

"Well? What do you think?" Jay shot his eyebrows up and down before putting the glass perfectly in the middle of his small, circular coaster. He looked down at the table, as if to formulate something before opening his mouth.

"It's…a great opportunity. Not everyday you get courted by the feds. Definitely a career maker, Hailey. We'd all miss you, but you do need to consider it. This is a big thing." And there it was, the letdown that she didn't see coming. Part of her thought he would tell her to rip the thing to shreds, that she was invaluable to him and losing her would be the worst thing done to him. She saw them skipping down the street with shredded papers flying behind them as they roared with delight. But instead it almost sounded like he wanted her to take it. She was semi-looking for that voice of reason or pull for her to stay put, coming to the conclusion that wasn't going to come from him.

"That's it," she asked with dejection? Her once lively, palatable excited and joy was draining out like a leaky dam.

"I don't follow."

"That's all you have to say? 'It's a great opportunity and send me a postcard?'" Now Jay was the one getting defensive, pushing the bottle to the side in an effort to place hands on the table.

"Hailey, I don't want to make any decision for you, nor do I want to hold you back from achieving something great. I want what's best for you, whatever you want I fully support. But you have to make the decision. I'm not sure what else I'm supposed to say."

"That we talk this out, partner to partner. After four years together this is how we do things? One backing off while the other has to fully make the call?"

"Hailey, it's not me the feds are wanting, it's just you. My life would change a whole lot as well, but I wouldn't be the one that was up and leaving and heading for New York." Hailey at this point was holding back the emotions, getting her assumed confirmation at the time. She was alone on this whole feelings thing, which was the biggest gut punch of them all.

"I think I need some time alone, Jay," she softly spoke, truly holding off the flood of tears for him to leave. He was about to shoot back that she didn't need to be alone, but the glare and internal screaming for him to leave seemed to telepathically reach him. He so much as nodded before taking out money for the drinks and setting it on the table before rising, grabbing his jacket, and walking out.

"You know, you could tell me you don't want me to take it," she verbally smacked with. Jay stopped dead in his tracks, looking right at her with those searching, heartbroken, ready for you eyes that he'd dished out a couple times before.

"Hailey, I can't do that," he let roll off his tongue after a moment or two of them locking eyes. In an instant she couldn't stand the thought of seeing him. She nodded before getting fixated with the label on her beer bottle. She waited till the door of the bar opened and closed, confirming that he did walk off and get in a car and drive away before letting the waterworks do their thing. She'd never felt more humiliated and rejected in her life.

…

The last time she felt this embarrassed was back in high school. It was her senior year, prom was coming up, and no one had asked her to prom yet. She waited and watched as every other girl in her class got asked out, yet kept her hopes high and self ready for that man that was going to pop the question. Well, a week out and she was still single, so Hailey took it upon herself to ask someone out, vying for the second most attractive guy in the class. She new the quarterback turned english genius was already scooped up by the head cheerleader, because that's how it always goes in high school. But the one she had her eye on was more shy, tended to sit in the back of the class, drawing abstract art and posting it on the classroom door when things were dismissed. He wasn't one to talk, but when he did all gathered round to hear what he had to say. He was a political junkie, up on all the latest races and politicians and was well versed in all the causes of the day. Hailey didn't have a clue what he was saying half the time, but given his disposition figured he was still available. So at lunch she found the courage to walk over to him, just spit everything out and let fate run its' course. His answer was coupled with giggling, that he was taken and she aimed a bit too high. All these years later she still felt the hurt, embarrassment, rejection as vivid and piercing as she did that day. Long story short, she went to prom alone and sat at the single table, watched everyone dance as she was sulked for hours on end.

But even that life shaping misadventure wasn't holding a candle to how she felt now. He didn't say exactly what Jeffery Saunders did, but his lack of an answer was doing just as much damage. Jay was willing to let her go without so much as a fight. That was all he could muster given all they had been through. She was so sure how he'd react, fight, plead for her to not go, give her that reason to remain on the straight and narrow she was on. A wild pie in the sky idea saw him telling her how much she meant to him, that just like Hailey, he too was falling in love with things on a much deeper level. But instead her worst nightmare was in her lap. The light of reality was shone on her empty personal life while a time consuming job was poking her shoulder and wanting to whisk her away. Maybe she should take the job, runaway tonight and just leave it all behind. She couldn't fathom seeing Jay again, quite sure she wouldn't hold herself back from letting Jay have it, maybe slapping his face as well. Hailey sat and gulped and sulked over her life in the timespan of a day. Gosh she hated how that stupid saying was so poignant. Life was a vapor, time to dive deeper into the good, hard work. Hailey lost track of time, just staring at the joy all around her as the invisible raincloud downpour rained on her. She wouldn't have cared if it were real in this moment, seriously nothing to could make her feel worse then how she was right then. When the doe eyed waitress came by with the check, Hailey found a glimmer of happiness in her sorrow.

"Is he coming back?" Hailey snickered and shook her head before responding.

"Nope. But he left you a nice tip." Hailey threw her head back, allowing the final drop of alcohol to drip down her throat before slightly slamming the glass on the tray in front of her. The young woman nodded, patting Hailey's shoulder as if she understood what she was experiencing. It appeared Jay was 2-for-2 in upsetting women's lives tonight. Way to go, partner. Hailey looked down at her phone to read quarter to midnight, shocked she sat in that place for two hours after Jay departed. Throwing her hair up in a messy bun, Hailey collected her jacket and put it on before turning towards the door and saluting the preoccupied crowd. The buzz was too strong tonight, Hailey had already thought ahead and kept the car at home. Hailey threw her arm in the air at the first oncoming taxi, pleasantly surprised when it stopped for her. Perhaps luck was turning around for her, that never happened so smoothly the first time around. She rattled off her addressed while she slumped down in the seat. The car quietly rolled out into the road, Hailey opting to take in the twinkling lights of the city. The tears were there, wanting to work their way out again, and Hailey allowed; so long as they were quiet. She just wanted to get home, get some sleep before tackling whatever would come next. That was her future: home, sleepwear, snack, and sleep. What a wild date she was.

"And we're here, miss," the driver quietly and calmly projected, turning back to look at her bleary, puffy face. He nodded, said something about being sorry before Hailey paid the man and got out. Her helpless romantic side thought Jay would be sitting on her doorstep when she pulled up, so there was a twinge of letdown when there was no one staying up to make sure she got home. Yet another test that he's failed, she tallied to herself. Her slightly drunk self fought with the keys and lock for a moment, but in due time was through the door, tossing jacket and bag on the floor before heading for the bedroom.

"You're such an idiot for falling for this crap," she said to no one.

"You don't need a man to be happy. You're a strong woman who can take care of herself." Hailey was having a very hard time believing what she was saying, chalking it up to whatever false positivity she'd heard at the gym or wherever. Because the second she argued with herself that it was Jay, internally rattling off all the adjectives and instances where he showed his genuine awesome self, all those thoughts went out the window. It was Jay, plain and simple.

"How could I have been so sure, felt so correct yet been that level of wrong," she told the fridge. She could hear Cupid and his little cherubs laughing at her, a choir of laughter tickling her ears. Curses to him and his ever confusing signals.

"You have to pull it together, Hailey. You have this job opportunity and tomorrow you're really going to read into it and truly think about it. It's the FBI, Hailey. It wasn't that long ago you were accepting the truth that you were going to drown out in robbery homicide and now…the feds?!" The urge to celebrate kicked in, grabbing a pint of ice cream and wine. Yes, more alcohol. Hangovers be dammed…and treated in the morning. She was rummaging through the clean dishwasher for a spoon when a squeal erupted out of her, ringing through the apartment like a loud dog's bark: a knock on the door. There was only one plausible solution for it at this time of night.

"What do you want, Jay?" He was so nervous, hands in his pant pockets as he looked up at her with the most apologetic, puppy dog eyes. He could only look at her for a second before heading right back to the ground. He couldn't stand still, was biting the side of his lip as she looked right at him, resting on the door.

"I didn't get to finish…I couldn't tell you that at the bar, with too many people around."

"What do you mean?" She was not in the mood for coded messages.

"I can't let this happen again. I messed up last time, let someone I cared so much about just walk away. Hailey, I want you to succeed. I want you to achieve whatever you want to, be the absolute best you can be. But, I want to be there with you." Her ears perked up at that. Perhaps Cupid laughter was due to her early assumption of things.

"And I don't care if that mean this is it or if this is the the start of something, but I need to see what this is between us." That was her cue to reach out and grab his arm, stop him from rambling into nonsense.

"Shut up," she told him right before lips locked. Let the fireworks begin.

Going back to that high school scenario, they were like two kids having sex for the first time, except both knew exactly what to do. There was a lot of pent up desire and sexual tension and it all had to come out right then. They could barely close the door, hands fiddling for the wood surface and slamming it with a palm hoping it would close. By the time they made it to the hallway they had progressed from French kissing to moving out to the neck, chest, those early turn on places. Jay was so smooth with his movements, knowing where her pleasure points were and exactly how to hold her in every way. Every now and then he'd say her name or let out, 'I love you,' while Hailey would nod and breathe heavily as she allowed him to keep moving. She prayed the neighbors were really asleep now. There was no stopping this and she had no intention of keeping things down. Their slow yet hurried saunter down the hall including breadcrumbs of clothing right behind them. Without missing a beat or a locking of skin, shoes were kicked off, shirts and pants were cascaded behind them without much thought or remark for what was coming next. They both knew, their long time, silent interactions syncing at the perfect time. It was what the other wanted, each giving that nod and go ahead for the only ending to this moment. By the time they burst through the bedroom door they were down to underwear, hitting the bed with nothing left to the imagination. Jay held her by the small of her back, looking at her before continuing.

"Yes," she panted before stroking his chest and kissing it once more, Jay could only smirk before gently placing her down on the sheets. To put it simply, it was the best moment of her adult life, things never felt so right and pure goodness. She let Jay have his way with her, gasping and moaning as the two became one. He gave her what she needed, she was glad to return the favor. They were slow about it, deep and intentional with everything, as they always had been with everything else. They traded places, each giving and taking while allowing the other what they so craved. It was magic, both realizing it was what they waited so long for and now the reward was so perfect and worth every second. At some point they both started laughing, the relief and at peace with everything was a mood worth celebrating over. Whatever this would become, it felt to be the start of something good, a reward for the trials and hardship each had endured to get to this moment. Jay rolled onto his back, breathing loudly to catch his breath while Hailey took his hand and kissed it. Both were speechless, letting the silence be enough for that moment.

"Thank you," Hailey whisper as she rolled up onto his side, her legs intertwining with his right, two firm bodies skin to skin as they breathed, felt, loved in unison.

"I love you," he replied, a finger tracing her back and working itself all the way. They remained like this till both were sound asleep, living out their wildest dreams.

…

She awoke to the room partially lit by the world. Cars, moving people could be heard outside, the bitter cold never holding back the true Chicagoans from getting their stuff done. It was early, well before the alarm was supposed to go off. She wasn't sure why she was awake, never one to arise before the honking alarm, but as she looked to her left he figured out why. Jay was on his side, head being propped up by a hand as he just looked on at her. It wasn't creepy at all, more like a look of pride and delight as he watched her sleep, breathe, be. She smirked before moving closer to him, now feeling the effects of forgetting to turn the heater on last night. But how could you blame her, she was a tad distracted.

"Good morning, how long have you been up?"

"Not long, probably five minutes." Hailey didn't buy it, everything was five minutes to Jay. Her body shivered next to his warmth, she couldn't take it any longer.

"Gosh it's freezing in here." She rolled out of bed and crawled along her side of the room. Her side, what a fun phrase to say.

"Hey, I can turn it on," Jay offered, but Hailey shook him off as she collected a robe and slippers from under the bed. It was humorous how in the light she was aware of her nakedness, fully aware that Jay had seen and touched it all not that long ago. But it was that learned embarrassment of being exposed to the world, no amount of loving would erase that in an instant. She padded her way out the door and messed with the thermostat. The old furnace rattled into submission in a few seconds, Hailey relived it would live to fight another day. She returned to see Jay on his back looking straight up at the ceiling, the hand that was propping him up now messaging the forehead. Tossing the slippers and robe and climbed back into bed with him, nestling up in an effort to distract him.

"So…last night," she spoke between kisses.

"Yeah…"

"Stays between us. Do not tell a soul, Jay. We don't know what this is yet."

"Who do you think I am, the town crier? There are things I haven't told anyone yet…including you." She smacked him before laughing and rolling onto her back but staying close.

"Spill, dude."

"Nope, no no. It's going to take a lot more then one night of sex."

"So…like a week of sex?"

"Nope, not even that." She jokingly groaned, he was never going to break and they both knew it.

"So what are you doing about the FBI thing," he questioned while tracing her breasts one at a time. It was so turning her on, making anything but wanting to do that impossible.

"Jay…I appreciate it, but I cannot talk when you do that."

"Sorry," he apologized as he just laid a hand on her midsection. Oh goodness, nothing was going to be the same anymore…but in a totally good way.

"I don't know, it's a huge thing."

"I know, that's why I said what I said last night."

"But Jay, what about us?"

"What do you mean?"

"What happened to Mr. I'm Going Wherever You're Going?"

"I wasn't kidding when I said I want to be with you through all of it. Maybe it would mean long distance for awhile, but we can make it work."

"So you wouldn't leave Intelligence."

"Come on, we see what's going to happen soon." She gave him points for that one. Heading up Intelligence was something even she wouldn't pass up.

"But what if I just said no and we both just keep doing what we've been doing?"

"I'd hate to have you live with that regret."

"There wouldn't be regret if I chose it."

"Because of this."

"Jay, me choosing this over a job is something I'd want to do. I want this to go somewhere."

"Just don't do it for me."

"For the two of us. Hand me the box." Jay reached down to the floor and grabbed the box of papers, handing it Hailey and watching as she pulled the first couple papers out. She flipped each side to Jay, allowing him to admire things before ceremoniously tearing them in half, watching the shreds fall to the floor. The elephant was no more.

"You should at least be courteous and give it some time before reaching out to them, let them think you actually took some time to weigh things."

"Fine, sure." The clanging and beeping of her alarm startled both of them, both gasping and looking in the direction of her phone before laughing over how on edge they were. Hailey reluctantly left Jay's side to turn the alarm off, sitting up in bed and waiting for him to do the same.

"Are we ready for this?" We, another fun word to say.

"Yeah, I think it's time." And so they got up, got ready for the day, medicated Hailey's hangover before promising to grab coffee on the way in. As they both walked out the door together, Hailey couldn't have felt more in balance. Take that, stupid quote. Life, and all its' promise, can be achieved in perfect harmony.

I probably should've warned that things were going to get a bit hot and intense. Ooops! What's a good surprise every now and then. Hope you all enjoy! Thanks for reading.