Chapter 2
At the very moment when Patty pushed the door of the Nightingale-Bamford School principal's office, a shiver of dread ran down her spine. In spite of the years, she had innerly stayed the young schoolgirl terrorised in front of Terry. The teases she had to suffer from him were still anchored in her mind. The phone exchanges they had had each other during those last weeks had confirmed her fears. He had kept the same : arrogant, sarcastic and mocking, with this incorrigible need to speak to her with nicknames as stupid as they were vexing. She always wondered about the power of attraction he had over Candy, power that she could not stand at all ! Several times, he had let her down at the last time. He had been so little willing to cooperate that she had been about to abandon her project. She had the feeling that he wanted to make her pay for the absurd idea she had to rake up the past, and he really knew how to be tactful ! Finally, they had reached an agreement on a very specific date, around the end of April. That day, while the hours added up and three o'clock was about to ring, her stomach ranked by anguish, not that she feared he misses the appointment, but in the contrary, by fear he could be well and truly there. The responsability that resulted weighted on her shoulders like an heavy burden. She feared more than anything to fail in the task she had been assigned to. She hoped being able to get through her pathological shyness and her lack of confidence. She had suceeded in making him move to the school, but the hardest thing was yet to do…
She took a deep breath and entered the room. Stephen Wragg, the principal, stood up as he saw her, circled his desk and came to her.
Aaaah, dear Patricia, here you are ! Let me introduce you to Mister Graham whom you've talked several times with…
In front of her, the back of a big armchair started to move, and a tall and thin figure emerged from it. Terry was standing in front of her, his steel gaze piercing through his brown locks which had been slightly cut. Dressed in an elegant dark suit, he held out his hand to her with a contemptuous smile.
Miss O'Brien, pleased to see you again…
Patty, turning to jelly, answered with a flaccid hand. She had to pull herself together at any price ! That time, ignoring the emotion that pinked her cheeks, she faced the enemy, with a firmer voice.
Mister Graham, pleasure is reciprocated…
You… You both know each other ? – asked the principal, surprised.
We used to be in the same high school in England – answered Terry, enjoying the trouble he could see arousing in Patty.
Indeed. we used to have some mutual friends… - she added with an unexpected malice.
Hurt by the hint, Terry's contemptuous smile vanished and left place to interrogation. Patty wanted visibly something else from him. What he suspected since the beginning was about to be borne out and he would not be slow to know it, should he have to snatch it from her !
You're such a secretive, Miss O'Brien ! – the principal tittered – You never told me that you were friend with Mister Graham ! I better understand now why you could so easily convince him to participate in our little debate on Shakespeare.
Easily ? Easier said ! – thought innerly Patty, thinking about the patience she had to show for not cracking up. Then turning to Terry, she said :
Mister Graham immediatly accepted our invitation and I'm very grateful to him for this. What should not he have done for a former high school friend who he always tried to stay in touch with…
Understanding the innuendo's perfidy, the young man darkly gazed at the young teacher, squeezing so strongly the back of his seat that his fingers' joints were losing all color.
Let me thank you again for this ! said the principal, rubbing his hands with satisfaction – This is good to see that great actors still get pleasure in sharing their passion with the mere mortlas we are.
You're welcome – answered Terry with false modesty - Patricia asked for it so kindly that I could not refuse…
Patty rolled her eyes, shighing. He definitely grated her on ! What could Candy find into that maddening character ? She could recall the memorable arguments they shared each other and still wondered how they could have been able to fall in love with each other after this. She remembered then that the bangging of her forehead and Alistair's followed by the loss of their eyeglasses were enough to have them pierced by Cupid's darts. Is love as simple as this ?... She remembered too the indulgence the clumsy inventor felt about Terry and the words he said regarding him while Archie was spitting out on him :
He deserves to be better known… He is not the one we think he is…
Patty shooked discretly her head to make flee the tears which lined her autumn colored eyes, and thought that if her Alistair was able to such understanding, she could make a little effort too. Finally, under the pretext of time elapsing, she put an end to the heavy embient atmosphere.
Are you ready, Terry, to jump into the lions' den ?
More than ever, dear !
So, please !... – said Stephen Wragg as he opened the door – After you.
All three of them longed in silence the long forbidding corridor that led us to the auditorium. The noise of their steps were the only noise that resounded on the terra cotta tiled ground. The young actor realized that it was the first time he walked in an academy since Saint-Paul, almost ten years before. Patty was walking near him without saying any word. He had the feeling of suddenly being plunged into a past which was not as far as it could be. Noises, smells began to resurface. As they were passing, a door opened next to them. He started, beleiving it was the mother superior who appeared suddenly. It was just the old school accountant, in charge of the books, who nodded to them without really looking at them.
Everything is allright ? – asked Patty, noticing his confusion.
Yes, yes… - he weakly answered.
The young woman follwed her path close to him, a little smile on her lips. Finally, the fortress was surrending…
At last, they reached their destination. The wide-opened auditorium's doors displayed a large-bodied room. There were tens of velvet-purple seats rows, separated by two staircases which both led to the stage on which were waiting two comfortable armchairs facing the audience. As soon as he stepped into the room, shouts, applauses, wistles came from all sides. The room was full of schoolgirls in uniform, but also of older people, certainly teachers and school staff. Everybody wanted to see the great actor Terrence Graham (Grandchester for the best-informed ones). Though little used to jitters when meeting his admirers, an uncontrollable awe-stricken feeling gripped him and paralyzed him. Candy, through that hord of young girls dressed in blue collar and white blouse, seemed to appear from everywhere. She, whose name he had bansihed but whose memory arouse under the least pretext. No matter his efforts, everything and nothing could remind him of her. And at this moment, he thought that emotion had changed him into a pillar of salt. Patty's harm around his withdrew him from his dark thoughts and he looked at her with gratitude.
Come, Shakespeare is getting impatient… - she said looking back at him with serenity – Everything will be allright.
Terry obediently let her lead him to the stage. Patty stood next to him and applauded him, cheered by the assistance's applauses he was nodding at. Little by little, his heart calmed down. The bright lighting that covered the stage prevented him from seing clearly the people in front of him and he felt better. Taking back control on himself, he did his best to focus on the reason of his coming here : Shakespeare… Then he took a plunge ! During more than two hours he spoke his way about that author of genius, dwelling upon the modernity of his style, upon the themes, the treasures of his works, upon his influence to theatre and literature. Using examples, sometimes playing some extracts of theatre pieces, naming some anecdotes, his eloquence grew in the rhythm of time elapsing. Related by Terry, Shakespeare became a game, an entertainment, a fictional character instead of a boring classic author. Everybody listened to him carrefully. Plunged into his tale, his svelte figure to and fro pacing the stage, the position of his head went back straigth, his from the beginning dull green eyes shined with a new sparkle, his deep voice cheered up, his gestures freed themselves with grace. The real Terrence, Candy's Terry was emerging to a whole granted audience and a troubled Patty. She could understand now what has seduced her tomboyish girlfriend. Under his big arrogant manners, he could to show her a being at her scale, who hid a sensitive soul through his jokes and teases, a weakness which could make him more charming. Candy was of that calibre. She had been able to see over appearences, to see before anybody else the part of light who was inside him, and the passion which lived in him. When he finally ended, Patty was the first one to stand up and to applaude him. She thought about throwing herself into his harms to thank him for the wonderful moment he had just made them live but thought better of it, blushing. There was one thing for sure : Libraries were going to be weighted down by Shakespeare books' orders, and Terrence Graham's theatre performances will go on playing sold out.
After a while, when the applauses became less frequent, the young teacher invited him to sit in an armchair behind him as she sitted next to him. He crossed his long legs and took a comfortable position, his arms laying on the arm-rests.
Dear Terrence, before we leave each other, we would like you to participate in a little test that we usually give to our guests.
Very well, as long as you don't ask me private questions… - he tittered, a touch nervous.
Patty's face remained unblinking.
This is the Proust questionnaire adapted by our pupils. It changes sometimes according to our guests. But before all, let's pull together about something. If you accept that test you won't be able to forswear anymore. You'll have to answer to all the questions you'll be asked to.
As I just told you, as long as you don't go too far…
Is it a yes or a no ?!
He hesitated a second then answered :
- It is a yes !
The stage's lighting changed and Terry was now able distinguish the audience in front of him. A lump of anguish started again to spring in his stomach. A young pupil at the first row got up, and with a shaking hand, began to read a piece of paper.
Mister Graham, could you tell us what is your personality feature ?
Impulsiveness.
Your favourite quality in a man ? – followed another one.
His vulnerability.
And in a woman ?
Her strong personality.
The quality you like the most in your friends ? – asked another one.
I don't have any friends…
A murmure of confusion moved the attendance then the questionnaire went on as if nothing were wrong, passing around among young girls.
Your main default ?
Unable to say no when necessary…
Your hobbie ?
Play !
Your dream of happiness ?
It's just a dream unfortunatly…
What would be your greatest misfortune ?
It already happened…
What you would like to be ?
Free in my mind…
Your favorite color ?
Emerald green
The flower you like ?
The daffodil
Your favourite author ?
You still dare to ask that ? – he said, bursting out laughing.
Your favourite poet ?
Arthur Rimbaud
The gift you would like to have ?
Being able to turn back the clock…
The mistakes that inspire you the most indulgence ?
The others' ones…
How would you like to die ?
In her ar… Listen, I think I've enough answered to your questions, right ? – he cried out, visibly upset. That questionnaire turned inquisitory.
I've one left ! – said a little voice from the third row.
If you promise me that it will really be the last one… - said Terry, searching for his interlocutor.
I wanted to know if you've ever been in love with someone ? I mean… I saw you playing Romeo in Broadway and you played so well that it came to my mind that for expressing so pefectly this kind of feelings, you might have experienced it, right ?
Well… - he mumbled, visibly disconcerted. He turned to Patty who showed one of the most innocent face
Well… Let's see… First of all, I'm an actor and my job is to pretend. If I had to portray a murderer, should I have had killed someone to be as well credible ?
You did not answer my question…
Of course, I did!
No, you didn't.. I'm sorry… You've promised to answer all the questions…
Listen… Well… - he did, moving with embarrasment in his seat. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the exit door and felt the irresistible will to rush to it.
I'm listening to you, Mister Graham. Have you ever been in love with someone ?
The young actor turned again to Patty, his gaze incandescent of anger. In which trap she had dragged him down ? This was the last question anyway…
Yes, I've been in love. Are you satisfied now ?
In love ? But who with ? – cried out a young schoolgirl almost fainting.
Who is she ? – asked another voice.
Did you see her again ?
What is shed oing in life ?
Why didn't you marry her ?
Is she pretty ?
The questions came from all sides. Then suddenly, a flash gun crackled, almost blinding him.
What's that ? One of these vultures ? Here ?
He could already imagine the tomorrow scandal sheets's front page with his dazzed face to fit the bleak picture.
« The famous actor Terrence Graham jostled by yound and innocent students ! What about the young actor's love life ? Who is that mysterious young lady who broke his heart ? One year after his companion's death, here he is again available ! Terrence Graham is a heart for sale! »
Infuriated, he stided the stage off without saying any goodbye, and promptly went to the exit, leaving the principal dumbfounded, arms dangling. Patty, panicked, set off in pursuit of him.
Terry please, stop here ! - she exclaimed as she tried to retain him while he broke down each door which crossed hi spath. They came out onto an alleyway that adjoined the school's backyard. The night was falling and he hesitated in the direction he should take to escape from that cursed place.
You caught me very well ! – he yelled, poiting a furious finger to the young woman's blemish face.
She always hated to see him angry. It used to scare her at such a level that she could have a wee on herself. All shaking, she sketched a calming gesture that he pushed back violently.
Which crazyness made you dragging me in your delirium ? Are you satisfied now ?
My goodness, Terry, calm down ! I've never wanted that ! I wanted just to make you react, but I would never have imagined that it would turn that way. You must beleive me !
Beleive you ? While you've happily stabbed me in the back ? How beautiful your friendship is ! What a shame !
Beleive me, what I've just done to you is the best proof of my friendship !… I wanted you to come in that academy because I knew that it would remind you of some memories, and I wanted you to face them instead of avoiding them after all these years…
What I've got to do with you ? Do I judge you with your old maid's manners who cries her line in duty soldier ? You're such a pitifull sight !
Judging ? This is what you've just done and in a very crual way !... – she answered, bitting her lips of vexation.
Terry immediatly regretted his words and guessed some tears that pearled under his friend's eyeglasses.
Excuse-me… - he said with a tired voice, back benting – I lose my control each time one gets onto that topic… You did not have the right to do this to me…
Oh yes I had the righ to ! – she said walking towards him – I did have it because I saw you wavering when one made reference to her. I know you still love her and I don't understand why you haven't written to her yet, neither searched to see her again after Suzanna's death. One year, one year has elapsed since she died, and you haven't done any guesture towards Candy yet !
She's better without me… - he whispered.
You'd better think again ! She's far from being so ! She's still in love with you, you know ?...
Really ?... I was convinced that she had forgotten me… That she had turned the page…
Why do you think she works in a modest clinic close to Pony's home, while a brilliant carrier was about to open to her in Chicago ? Because this is the only and unique place that is able to cure her soul injuries, it is her shelter, her equilibrium. For all that, she hasn't healed because you are the one who has got the cure.
I… This is too late ! – he said, shaking his head – I don't want to spoil her life another time…
My Goodness, Terry ! When will you stop refusing this happiness which reaches out to you ?
She paused during a minute, a wave of despair flowing suddenly on her, leaving her unsteady.
If I could – she followed in a muffled sob, scowling of pain – If I could see Alistair again, even just once, I would give my soul for this ! I would be able to suffer hells for him ! My little soldier is dead, he's DEAD, do you understand ! I will never have the chance that's offering to you both ! You're rejecting it because you're too proud. But in fact you are afraid, you're afraid to risk her rejection. Oh Lord, Terry, you have that opportunity to love each other and to be alive !
I don't want… I don't want to make her suffer again – he roared, struggling – I don't want to hear her cries anymore, neither to see her overwhelmed face. This is the last image she left me, you see ? And I damn myself for this every day !
It's up to you to change the course of things… I'm begging you, Terry, write to her ! You'll bring happiness to you both … What are you waiting to be happy at last ?
Terry remained thoughtfull during a long moment. He had been tempted many times to take his pen and to write to Candy, but every time, he thought better of it. He was to ashamed of what he had done to her. I was ashamed of not having the courage to face Suzanna and her mother while Candy and him were just reunited. How had he been able to let her go that night ? He was so young and the weight of guilt so heavy to bear, that he had been unable to reject the young actress, to offer her his care without sacrificing his love for Candy. What remained of all this now ? Black years at putting up with her tears, her whims, and the constant presence of her mother, who, like a house-dog, watched his minor doings. Then, when the sickness appeared and its derrible diagnosis, he had hoped she could realize the things in life's precariousness, realize that her stubbornness at forcing him to live by her side had moved him from her a little more each day while his love for Candy had resisted, had got more strengh, until filling all his days and all his nights. But until the end, she had persisted in her fantasy… Sometimes, in his dreams, he used to still see himself on the steps of this hospital staircase, surrounding his love's thin waist, feeling her soft skin's heat through the fabric of her dress, but that time, he obliged her to turn, he pressed her against him, and retained her for never letting her go again… He used to wake up then in sweat, sobbing, and it used to take him hours to recover from that wonderful but unbearable dream. The sad reality wanted him to live apart from her and he got used to it. He got used to misfortune. She had been the only one to bring him his piece of happiness, piece that had been withdrawn from him because he was not very gifted for this. He turned to patty, and the heart-rending words she had had echoed to him. He looked at her, so fragile, shaking, hidding her immense sorrow under thick glasses, but who did not hesitate in facing him and proving him his behavior's aberration. Contrary to her, the heart of the being he more than ever loved was still beating. However, he was offering himself the luxury to refuse that opportunity, the opportunity to give her a sign, and be able then to reveal her the depth of his feelings. He'd been such a sombre idiot ! It had to be Four-Eyes who brought him back to reason. Candy knew obviously to chose her friends !
Ok, I will write to her – he finally let escape with an almost unaudible voice.
Patty could not beleive what she heard. She walked closer, searching for his gaze.
Su… Sure ?
Sure !
I'm leaving in a week to her home to celebrate her birthday. I hope your letter will be arrived at that time or watch out !
I'm scared to death ! – he cried out, recovering his arrogance. He was indeed very upsetting !
You don't know how right you are ! – she answered, unruffled – Then go back home quickly and write that letter. You promised, don't forget it !
I always keep promise.
Time will tell…
Terry nodded and began to walk the alley back to join the main street and call a taxi. Suddenly, he stopped and turned to Patty :
Forgive me again for the terrible words I had towards you and Al. He was a good guy, a very nice guy ! I've been very sad to hear about his death and I wish you to be able to to get over this one day…
The young woman tensed up of surprise. For the first time, Terry was demostrating to her some compassion, and the words he had for Alistair ended to shake her.
Thank you Terry… He liked you too, you know… - she answered, without trying to keep her tears.
Terry gave a hint of a light smile and turned back to his path. Patty looked at him walking away, paralyzed by the emotion. What she had lived was so intense that she wondered how she could have achieved successfully something which was since the beginning doomed to failure. After a while, she could recover her mind and joined back her classroom. Her pupils were waiting for her, almost hysterical. She explained that the sudden leaving of the attractive actor resulted from a professional emergency. Though the schoolgirls were not fooled, she kept her statement. Controlling them was proven to be more arduous than mastering that hell of Terrence Grandchester !...
When coming back later, exhausted, she reminded of the late events of the day and deeply prayed that Terry won't change his mind. She remained however optimistic. What she had seen in his eyes showed his determination. It was just a matter of time before he writes to Candy.
The following morning, early hour, someone rang at the door. Her mind still clouded by sleep, she went up and half-opened the door. It was a messenger with a letter. There was inside a letter for Candy, followed by a little word for her :
« Dear Patty,
As you can see, I can keep my promise ! I must admit it is the one of the easiest I had to keep.
Here is the letter I wrote for Candy. I'm leaving it to you to give it to her in person. I will just ask you to well think before giving it to her. Be sure that she is ready for this. In the contrary, please, abstain you. I only want Candy's happiness, and if a gesture on my behalf could ruin her equilibrium, I could not stand it. I leave it then to your wisdom and will be eternally grateful to you for this.
With all my friendship,
Terrence »
A smile of satisfaction on her lips, Patty put the envelope in her dresser, same means of storage that it will occupy later, in the bottom of a night-table's drawer in a bedroom of Pony's home.
End of chapter 2