My holidays sucked. Instead of being on a road trip with my boyfriend and best friend, who I'd heard from Bex were now officially together, I spent every day lying on my bed listening to heavy metal music as loud as I could. I made it through the first week by avoiding people, mainly my mum and Zach. I couldn't face him after that extremely uncomfortable ride home. Since no one else was talking to me, avoiding people was pretty easy. Even Bex had stopped calling and texting after she'd told me about Josh and Dee Dee being in a relationship. Seriously, you would think that I was the one that had done something wrong, that I was the one who betrayed her boyfriend with his best friend, not the other way round. I was sick of my mum asking if I was okay or if I wanted to talk about it. No, I wasn't okay and no I don't want to talk about it. My first boyfriend broke up with me and got with my best friend two weeks later. You don't get over that quickly.
I knew she meant well and was concerned about me, but I just wanted to wallow in my self-pity. I didn't want to go shopping. I hated shopping. I only ever went shopping because Dee Dee loved it. I didn't want to go to the beach because that's where it'd happened. I didn't want to have mother-daughter game nights, bonding sessions or anything else. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to cry and scream and eat my weight in cookie dough ice cream.
I knew it was wrong of me, but I ignored Zach whenever he texted or called. I told him I appreciated the ride home, but I just needed to be alone for a while to get my head together. He understood that, though he still tried to contact me. He was great about the whole thing, which made me even more curious about what he was up to.
After spending two weeks moping around listening to heavy metal music and eating way too much frozen goods, it seemed my mum had finally got so "sick of hearing that trash every day and night," as well as buying me copious amounts of ice cream, that she decided to put a stop to it.
"That's it, Cammie. I've had enough. I know you're hurting, kiddo. I do. But lounging around listening to this crap and eating junk isn't doing anyone any good. Particularly you. You need to snap out of it. Contact Josh and get some answers. Get some closure and move on," she said, storming through my door in a bathrobe with a towel wrapped around her hair. I started to protest as she went to switch off my music, but she held up a finger to stop me.
"Cameron Anne, you're a beautiful, fun, friendly girl and you don't need them. What they did was cruel. They obviously wanted to see you get hurt, which is exactly what they did. They're not worth your tears. You need to get out of whatever funk your in and go show them that you're better than them and don't need them in your life." She grabbed the remaining ice cream from my hands, and just as quickly as she had entered my room, left- without letting me speak.
She was right of course. She always was. I was in a funk and needed to snap out of it. But it didn't make it hurt any less. I was almost eighteen, and this was my summer holiday before my final year. I should have been having the time of my life, having fun and partying with friends- not locking myself away in my room. Was what Zach was saying actually right? That I didn't need them. Because I didn't. Who needs toxic people like that? Toxic was exactly what they were and I didn't need them. I was better than that.
After my mum's outburst and giving myself a little pep talk, I knew what I had to do. It was going to be difficult, but by the time school starts again, I would be over Josh Abrams. I would be happy. I would be better than ever. I could do it. But first, I needed the truth. Shaking, I reached for my phone, hardly believing that I was going to do it. I sent a text to Josh.
Me: Josh, I need the truth. Why did u break up with me? No BS, just b honest pls. U owe me that much.
After a few seconds my phone pinged with a reply. I was surprised he managed to answer so quickly, I thought he would've been having the time of his life with his girlfriend… Josh's response made my stomach drop.
Josh: C…U don't want to know the truth.
I saw red. He knew I hated being called "C". It wasn't a name. It was a freaking letter. Call me Cammie or Cam or Morgan. They are names. My names. Not C.
Me: Don't call me C…u know I hate that. I want to know the truth.
I replied and waited with bated breath for his response. My phone buzzed with another text message. I felt sick. Did I want to know the truth? The reason why he broke me? Why he chose Dee Dee instead? I opened the text and took a deep breath.
Josh: At first, we were great then I just realised u were so boring n predictable n awkward n u don't fit into this group. Hanging with Dee Dee showed me how different u 2 rly are. She knows how 2 have fun n take risks n u don't. I wanted her for a while but she said no, not while we were still together. Oh, n the sex wasn't that good either, sry.
What a jerk. Was that what he thought of me? Boring and predictable. Okay, maybe I liked to have routines and be organised, but I could have fun. Awkward? Of course I was awkward. My dad died after doing drugs. I knew I didn't fit in with my friends. I didn't like shopping and gossip because they were a complete waste of time. And the sex? Well, maybe it wasn't great because we'd only done it a few times. I was a virgin until just before we broke up. It wasn't great for me either. Maybe it was him that didn't know what he was doing.
I decided to send him a simple thank you text. I didn't want to send him an offensive one or just not reply because then he'll think he's gotten to me. He hadn't. Okay, maybe he had, but I didn't want him to know that. I deleted his number and then erased Dee Dee's as well.
Dee Dee and I were very different. While I tried my hardest to fit in because I was finally accepted by her friends, I never actually felt like myself. Where she liked shopping and partying, I was quite happy to stay home and read books or watch movies. Don't get me wrong; I partied but not every weekend. I had school to think about. And uni. I needed to show Josh he was wrong. I needed to show him that I was wild and fun and unpredictable. I needed to get out of my bed and show him what he'd lost out on. It was summer after all, I might as well get a tan whilst I'm at it. So, swinging my legs off the bed, I pushed myself up and walked over to my closet. I could hardly go outside in pyjama shorts and a t-shirt. Looking through my extensive collection of clothes, I realised I had nothing to wear. Everything in my closet was a replica of Dee Dee's only much cheaper. Since I hated shopping, I'd let her dictate what I should buy and wear. Her style, and ultimately mine, had been preppy. My closet was overflowing with polo shirts, knitted sweaters, chinos and tennis skirts. It was repulsive, really. No wonder I was awkward. Who the hell feels comfortable wearing plaid skirts and blazers to a high school that doesn't have a uniform?
Groaning in frustration, I decided I needed to get a job so I could buy my own clothes in my own style, which I had yet to discover. Pulling out the only dress that was actually normal- a simple white kind of shift- I applied a little bit of makeup and threw my platinum blonde hair in a messy bun on top of my head, put on a pair of sandals, and grabbed my bag. I was ready to go.
"I'm going out. See you later," I called to my mum, who was in the kitchen attempting to cook some food…key word being attempting.
"You're what?" She met me at the front door looking very surprised. "Good to see you up."
"I'm going to find a summer job." I kissed her on the cheek and headed out the door before she could say anything else.
After wandering around town for hours, it seemed as though no one was hiring. I was ready to give up and go home when I spotted a small sign in the window of my favourite little bookshop, Gallagher Books. Smiling to myself, the first real smile since Josh and I broke up, I pushed open the door and stepped inside.
A musty smell filled the air as paper and ink combined hit me as soon as I closed the door. I loved that smell. Pausing to look around the store for a moment, I noticed the collection of books had increased since the last time I'd visited. The lighting was dull, making everything glow orange. Mismatched timber bookcases stacked right up to the ceiling stood against every wall. Books were piled onto shelves and stacked on the floor; the opposite to the large- scale commercial shops that had taken over towns.
I made my way through the store, the worn floorboards creaking with every step. I passed the couches and coffee table in the centre of the room and walked to the back, where the handsome middle aged Mr. Solomon (I call him Joey) was standing behind his desk. He looked up as I approached.
"Look who it is, my favourite customer. I haven't seen you in a while, " he mentioned, his smile widening as I stepped closer.
"How are you?" I smiled and allowed him to pull me into a gentle hug. "I know. I was busy at school with homework, but it's the holidays now, so I have plenty of time. How's Mrs. Solomon?" I asked. His wife was a lovely lady- her name was Abby. She was like an aunt to me. I loved going in there in my free time to read and chat about books over a cup of tea with them.
"Well. We're great in fact. What brings you in today, Cams? I just received a copy of 'Is He Dead? By Miss. L 2002'. He spun around and searched through a pile of books on the counter before pulling out a tattered copy of my favourite book (A/N: GO READ THIS STORY NOW. SHE'S A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE AND AN AMAZZZING WRITER :P). There were some great finds in that store if you knew where to look.
"Oh, thank you, but not today, I'm actually looking for a job and saw your sign. Do you have any job openings?" I asked happily, watching as his eyes lit up.
"When can you start?" he asked, clapping his hands together. No interview. Nothing.
"Don't you want to ask me a few questions or something?" I tilted my head and watched him curiously.
"What? No, of course not. You'll be perfect. So, when can you start?"
That was easy. "Uh, tomorrow. Whenever, really." I'd never had a job before.
"Well, my dear Cameroon," We had a long running joke about my name resembling that of the beautiful African country. "We shall see you at ten a.m. tomorrow for your first day of work. Oh and there's another girl, Elizabeth, that will be working with you." He smiled, the dimples in his cheeks appearing. For a forty something year old man, he was very good looking even though I saw him as more of an uncle figure.
"Thank you so much, Joey. You won't be disappointed." I smiled back before leaving to go home to tell my mother. I practically skipped through my front door when I got home. The overpowering smell of burnt food stopped me in my tracks and made me cough. Sometimes I wondered if my mum had ever heard the expression, "Microwave is better." Deciding to leave the door open to let some of the smell out, I went in search of my mother.
"Cammie?" I heard my mum enquire from her office.
"I got a job," I announced as I walked in with a grin on my face.
"Oh, kiddo, that's wonderful. Congratulations. Where?" She looked somewhat relieved.
"At Gallagher Books. I start tomorrow."
"That's perfect for you. Well done, baby."
- THE NEXT DAY -
I woke up feeling happy. Happier than I had been in a very long time. It finally felt like I was doing something with my life. Something productive. And I was ready to embrace the day instead of spending it locked away inside. Bounding my way downstairs I called out, "Mum? I'm off to work!"
"Okay, sweetie. Have fun. Good Luck on your first day!" She shouted back, still marking the papers she started last night. She was a great teacher. She always looked at each one with precision, never forgetting to check a student's work twice in case she'd missed any marks.
Making my way to the bookstore, I smiled at the people I walked past and breathed in the smell of freshly cut grass. This is what summer is all about, I thought to myself. Slowly walking into the bookstore, I took in the surroundings that were about to be my second home for the next few weeks. The thought made me all warm and cosy inside.
"Hi there, can I help?" A quaint voice came from behind the counter. A girl around my age turned round and smiled warmly.
"Have we met before?" I asked curiously. Her kind eyes looked so familiar to me. A blush appeared on her cheeks' as she looked slightly embarrassed.
"Uh…yeah we have. Your Cammie Morgan, right? I'm Elizabeth Sutton. We have AP English together? Of course you wouldn't know who I am. I'm basically invisible. I'm a nerd. You're popular…" She trailed off. Recognition flashed through my eyes as I remembered the sweet girl who always stayed behind class so she could get extra credit.
"Liz, of course. I'm so sorry. That was so rude of me." Now it was my turn to be embarrassed. How could I not remember someone who shared the same class as me? This is what hanging around Dee Dee does to you. She makes you forget that there are other amazing people in this world other than themselves. The thought that I used to be like that made me feel sick.
"Oh, no, don't worry. I'm used to it." She replied, a hint of a southern accent appearing. I cringed at the thought. Why was high school so cliché? No nerds and 'populars' mixing. "When Mr. Solomon said I'd have a new co-worker I never expected you to walk through the door. Not to be rude or anything." She added quickly, as if she was scared.
I laughed at her nervousness, "Well, I don't blame you. The Old Cammie probably wouldn't have in fear of embarrassing the wicked witch of the west, but the New Cammie doesn't care about that anymore."
She grinned, understanding whom I was referring to. "Well, in that case. Come on in." She said whilst opening the door to behind the counter. I liked her already. No judging or questions, just happy to let me in to her life. "Mr and Mrs Solomon are visiting a friend outside of town so they asked me to show you the ropes."
"Sounds great." I smiled, ready to get stuck in. After Lizzie had shown me how things worked round here, we ended up talking for hours, only stopping when a customer came in. She was the most genuine person I'd ever met. I'm so annoyed that I hadn't of had the courage to mix with other people sooner. I thought that Dee Dee and her group of friends were the end all. That you couldn't get any better than that. It turns out I only needed to look two rows ahead of me in class to meet a person better than all of them combined. We clicked instantly and became friends quickly, spending as much time together in the next few weeks as possible.